reaction to weight changes.

[_overture]

okay, so to start off... sorry if this is totally in the wrong place!

I was at a big family gathering recently. most people hadn't seen me since I started university, so what... about 9 months? since that time I'd lost a lot of weight. now, it's not a big deal to me, I've not really noticed it, it just sort of... happened.

what really got me, though, is that... it was all people would talk to me about. not, "how was your first year" or anything like that, which I would guess is a fairly... good thing to ask a person. no, it was just weight. which really bothered me, though I'm not entirely sure why.

similarly, I bumped into one of my old teachers, who is seemingly quite a fitness nut. this experience bothered me similarly- it was the way he said things like, "good for you!" like, he was rewarding me for closer adhering to what he thinks a person really should look like. and there was just something about that that really bothered me.

I'm quite aware that this probably seems really... rambling or whatnot, and I've actually forgotten what the point was I was actually trying to make. I guess I'm just trying to make light of this.

[Tania]

This may be better off on the main board, but the mods will take care of moving it if they feel it's necessary.

To respond to your statements...

I'm the queen of sniffing out the backhand in every compliment, but I've never taken issue with weight loss congratulations. I always assume that the person understands how difficult weight loss can be and is complimenting my ability to keep up with my goals, not passing judgement on my previous looks or lifestyle.

At any rate, it's much easier to deal with than your mother freaking out because you've gained fifty pounds since she saw you last, and you don't look like yourself anymore. Been there (thanks, depakote!), and it wasn't pretty.

[_overture]

Originally Posted by Tania

This may be better off on the main board, but the mods will take care of moving it if they feel it's necessary.

To respond to your statements...

I'm the queen of sniffing out the backhand in every compliment, but I've never taken issue with weight loss congratulations. I always assume that the person understands how difficult weight loss can be and is complimenting my ability to keep up with my goals, not passing judgement on my previous looks or lifestyle.

At any rate, it's much easier to deal with than your mother freaking out because you've gained fifty pounds since she saw you last, and you don't look like yourself anymore. Been there (thanks, depakote!), and it wasn't pretty.

haha I know, I appreciated their congratulating me, but it was that... that seemed to take precedent over all else, like, there was nothing else to talk about! ah... I'm honestly not just trying to find something to complain about either, for the record :P

[Cors]

I can empathise.

I was constantly picked on and humiliated for my size, both for being too thin and too fat, depending on where I am and who you ask. I can understand people complimenting my ability to keep up with a goal most women have (working towards a physical ideal) and have no problems complimenting someone who I know is actively trying to work towards their goal. What makes me offended and sad is how most people assume that these are MY goals or at least, a goal I (and other women) am expected to work towards.

It also astounds me just how blind people are sometimes - I was severely anorexic, but I still had plenty of women (not just young girls, but mature and seemingly confident women) coming up to me asking for weight loss tips. Telling the truth shocked a few into silence, but many more commented on how they were "jealous" and "wanted to be anorexic too"... in spite of me telling them about my failing heart and other serious health problems. Then you have "friends" and family members who think it is now okay for them to tell you what they really think about your old weight (be it "whale" or "corpse"). How hurtful is that, especially if you thought they were accepting? Or the acquaintances who now act like you are finally worthy of attention now that you look a little more acceptable? I don't want anything to do with people like that.

To say that I am sensitive to weight-related comments is an understatement. Each time someone says something about my size, whether critical or complimentary, regardless of intention, all the horrible memories come flooding back and more often than not, it ends up ruining my day and tainting my relationship with that person. No doubt that some of it is paranoia, but I think that there is also some righteous size-acceptance activist/feminist indignance somewhere.

Whenever someone makes a simple, genuine compliment, I thank them but I do make it a point to ask them what exactly they mean and encourage them to think about it. If that person is reasonably close to me, I let them know why I am personally offended by it and tell them to not make such comments around me in the future.