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Old 08-04-2010, 06:25 PM   #2501
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she truly loves her kids, she has just never had anyone to learn how to be a mother from and had a pretty f...ed up teenagehood and late childhood what docs want to do is help her bridge the gap and find ways as a family they can actually get along better and have a healthier relationship and that is what I would wish for them to
Well, maybe all of this is a blessing in disguise then. She will learn the proper tools to be an effective parent. That is if she has the right attitude and not see it as an accusation, but see it as a learning experience.
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Old 08-05-2010, 03:37 PM   #2502
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IC that I'm damn glad my final summer paycheck is coming in the mail tomorrow. My bank account is about down to its last dollar and I was a little freaked when I didn't see my paycheck in the mail today. I called the school district and payroll told me they'd just cut me a check today, so it should be in the mail tomorrow. Whew. I've got bills to pay, dammit, not to mention occasionally trying to have a life.
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:07 PM   #2503
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My mother is really not helping me with my online shopping addiction. She's telling me which wigs to buy, lol. At a time when I want to get some, this is really not helping when I should actually be SAVING my money instead of spending it all.
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:09 PM   #2504
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I confess that I've been avoiding my family for weeks, have also put off routine bloodwork for months including a crucial thyroid work-up, and am heartbroken that my favorite internist (and a BBW) has left my doctor's office to work at a vet hospital and I'm forced to see an incompetent med tech or the fat-phobic main doctor who is going to force me to see the only disease specialist in the network who's a fucking sadist.

Also Zephyr has not returned home yet and I'm really really worried.
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:56 PM   #2505
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I confess that I've been avoiding my family for weeks, have also put off routine bloodwork for months including a crucial thyroid work-up, and am heartbroken that my favorite internist (and a BBW) has left my doctor's office to work at a vet hospital and I'm forced to see an incompetent med tech or the fat-phobic main doctor who is going to force me to see the only disease specialist in the network who's a fucking sadist.

Also Zephyr has not returned home yet and I'm really really worried.
maybe you can make an appointment with the vets office? sorry i didn't mean to make light. i just want to make you smile
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:57 PM   #2506
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maybe you can make an appointment with the vets office? sorry i didn't mean to make light. i just want to make you smile
LOL Nevermind. I'm blaming gin today. LOL
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Old 08-05-2010, 11:09 PM   #2507
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I confess that I've been avoiding my family for weeks, have also put off routine bloodwork for months including a crucial thyroid work-up, and am heartbroken that my favorite internist (and a BBW) has left my doctor's office to work at a vet hospital and I'm forced to see an incompetent med tech or the fat-phobic main doctor who is going to force me to see the only disease specialist in the network who's a fucking sadist.

Also Zephyr has not returned home yet and I'm really really worried.
Fingers crossed for Zephyr's safe return.
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Old 08-06-2010, 08:13 AM   #2508
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Fingers crossed for Zephyr's safe return.
My fingers are crossed as well, dear.
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Old 08-06-2010, 08:18 AM   #2509
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Thanks everyone.
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Old 08-06-2010, 11:38 AM   #2510
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Thanks everyone.
Also hoping Zephyr returns safely. Keep us posted.

IC that looking for a new apartment is a pain in the ass (I am moving to a bigger place, and for work reasons). But I'm feeling more hopeful today as I've broadened my search radius and found some other areas I might consider. Don't think I'll feel fully at ease though until all the moving is finished. Though I'm not feeling really crappy or anything, I think I'll feel better once the transition is done - since I know it's coming. Y'know?
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Old 08-06-2010, 11:50 AM   #2511
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Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:24 PM   #2512
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Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?
Ugh. Been there. (((hugs)))


-----------------

CP, any signs of Zephyr? Hope he comes back home.
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:30 PM   #2513
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No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:34 PM   #2514
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Originally Posted by thirtiesgirl View Post
Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?
What a giant twat. I'm so sorry - I also cannot stand the fake shit.

@CP - I hope your Zephyr has returned? *love*

@mcbeth - goodluck with the finding a place and then the move. Its exhausting but it also always feels like an adventure to me.
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:39 PM   #2515
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My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:56 PM   #2516
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No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.
I hope your baby comes home.

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My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.
(((hugs))) to you, sweetie. I can SO relate to this.

BTW, you are most certainly NOT bland!
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:57 PM   #2517
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Ugh. Been there. (((hugs)))
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What a giant twat. I'm so sorry - I also cannot stand the fake shit.
Thanks. I sent him this message this morning, after his "date" message: "Hmm, interesting. Makes me think that whole line about paying for a membership on Soulgeek to reply to my ad, how you thought we'd really be a good match, etc...was just a line. Next time, you might want to consider being a little more circumspect in your initial response to people if you're not really serious. Best of luck." And he had the audacity to respond in anger, trying to convince me he really is sincere, but it's obvious now what I really think of him, blah blah blah. As if I'd date him now and pretend to be happy playing second best.

CastingPearls, I really hope your kitty shows up. I'm hoping for the best.

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My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.
Ugh. I can so identify with this. I've fortunately never had to experience it with a roommate (and seriously don't think I could; I'd have to get myself out of town for a few days and let them have the run of the apartment), but I've experienced it with friends. I try to be appropriate and happy for them, but my baser enviousness takes over and it becomes very difficult to be a better person.
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Old 08-06-2010, 04:46 PM   #2518
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Thanks everyone.
I've heard if you put something that smells strongly of you (shoes are a good choice) it helps to draw the cat home. A friend of mine who had her cat run away and tried it. It worked for her.
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:25 PM   #2519
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I've heard if you put something that smells strongly of you (shoes are a good choice) it helps to draw the cat home. A friend of mine who had her cat run away and tried it. It worked for her.
Thanks Lulu. We're doing that. He ran away before so he knows the area, thankfully. For the first few days he did come to both the front and back doors to 'talk' to his brothers and sisters but he's always been skittish so he ran when we approached the door.

My biggest concern is predators out there because he's a lover not a fighter and wouldn't know to kill to eat, for example, one of our cats flushed out a field mouse--Zephyr gave it a piece of corn he found on the floor. We had a hamster, they were best friends, a squirrel broke into the basement, he pushed his toys under the door for his new friend to play with. I'm concerned he isn't eating (unless some instinctive kill switch kicks in) and worry about predators. He'd run right up to a coyote. I know him.
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:31 PM   #2520
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me being a bitch this morning keep sending the kids to their mother, and stuff I am not lifting a finger to help, got sent to ambers room at like 9pm last night oh yeah sooo over frozen food crap too, havent gotten out of bed yet, thinking of catching a taxi to town for a while to escape. but that means having to get up off the mattress on the floor and my hip is killing atm sigh

even put my fb status to seriously considering booking a ticket home for monday and not a peep from my cousin, sick of being treated like a 2nd class citizen. Seriously I mean they said they wanted an early night just wanted the loungeroom to themselves tv was full ball and all. Oh and I am being pretty much treated like I dont exist at pressent I mean if you want me to leave freaking tell me Id be only to happy to get the hell outta dodge want to type sooo much more but kids keep comming in and amber keeps swearing at the kids oh yay they are going
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:35 PM   #2521
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My mother. I'm beyond the end of my rope with her. I cannot take anymore insanity.

About to start crying; I'm so sick of it all.
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Old 08-06-2010, 06:57 PM   #2522
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Originally Posted by thirtiesgirl View Post
Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?
God, what an ass! I hate being treated like we are a buffet. (((Hugs))) thirtiesgirl. Don't let it put you off, he is out there somewhere!

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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.
I sent a wee prayer up for Zephyr's safe return last night, Elaine. I hope someone hears me.

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Originally Posted by Tau View Post
My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.
Tau, I have felt that same when I see friends in their little bubble of love. It hurts to see it, but don't be ashamed for feeling that way. I kinda think it is normal. Huggles to you.

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Originally Posted by spiritangel View Post
me being a bitch this morning keep sending the kids to their mother, and stuff I am not lifting a finger to help, got sent to ambers room at like 9pm last night oh yeah sooo over frozen food crap too, havent gotten out of bed yet, thinking of catching a taxi to town for a while to escape. but that means having to get up off the mattress on the floor and my hip is killing atm sigh

even put my fb status to seriously considering booking a ticket home for monday and not a peep from my cousin, sick of being treated like a 2nd class citizen. Seriously I mean they said they wanted an early night just wanted the loungeroom to themselves tv was full ball and all. Oh and I am being pretty much treated like I dont exist at pressent I mean if you want me to leave freaking tell me Id be only to happy to get the hell outta dodge want to type sooo much more but kids keep comming in and amber keeps swearing at the kids oh yay they are going
You really need to get out of there, SA. For your own well being and sanity. Come home, pronto!

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Originally Posted by MizzSnakeBite View Post
My mother. I'm beyond the end of my rope with her. I cannot take anymore insanity.

About to start crying; I'm so sick of it all.
(((Hugs))) my darling girl. My heart is with you


@mcbeth....best of luck finding the one that fits you right. Keep us posted
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Old 08-06-2010, 09:26 PM   #2523
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Originally Posted by thirtiesgirl View Post
Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”
I've been there too. And his juvenile-ish angry response? He wasted YOUR time and dismissed it because may-or-may-not have had a date that went promisingly right after? I always felt that when that happened to me it was a classic case of I'm not into you for x reason... but they were too wimpy to say it. I'd honestly rather know that you didn't think we clicked for whatever reason other than, "I'm pursuing another relationship now." WTF? Especially since he paid "just for you."

Squishy hugs, thirtiesgirl. I still like to tell myself they aren't all bad. I almost have to reaffirm that daily, though. Frustrating.

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Originally Posted by Tau View Post
My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.
My roommate in college would bring her fiance in to spend the night all of the time. It was really annoying because they were one of those sickly sweet couples. I had never even had a boyfriend at this stage in my life and it was just another one of those things that made me feel worse about my lack of love life. So I understand what you're going through!

But I must agree, you are completely NOT bland, at all... you are fabulous.

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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.
Still hoping for Zephyr's safe return, especially now that I know he's up against bears (potentially)...

Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritangel View Post
me being a bitch this morning keep sending the kids to their mother, and stuff I am not lifting a finger to help, got sent to ambers room at like 9pm last night oh yeah sooo over frozen food crap too, havent gotten out of bed yet, thinking of catching a taxi to town for a while to escape. but that means having to get up off the mattress on the floor and my hip is killing atm sigh

even put my fb status to seriously considering booking a ticket home for monday and not a peep from my cousin, sick of being treated like a 2nd class citizen. Seriously I mean they said they wanted an early night just wanted the loungeroom to themselves tv was full ball and all. Oh and I am being pretty much treated like I dont exist at pressent I mean if you want me to leave freaking tell me Id be only to happy to get the hell outta dodge want to type sooo much more but kids keep comming in and amber keeps swearing at the kids oh yay they are going
Ugh. I've been reading your updates about the situation but I'm often terrible about finding things to say... but I just want you to know that you should never be treated or feel like you're being treated like a second class citizen.

1) You're not.
2) You deserve so much more.

I hope things get better. If not, I hope you follow through with your Facebook status... your sanity will thank you for it. You are a wonderful lady--don't forget it. Hugs to you, sweetie!

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Originally Posted by MizzSnakeBite View Post
My mother. I'm beyond the end of my rope with her. I cannot take anymore insanity.

About to start crying; I'm so sick of it all.
Big hugs tonight for you, dear. Mothers can be the best and the worst--and it really cuts deep when they are the worst.

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Originally Posted by mcbeth View Post
IC that looking for a new apartment is a pain in the ass (I am moving to a bigger place, and for work reasons). But I'm feeling more hopeful today as I've broadened my search radius and found some other areas I might consider. Don't think I'll feel fully at ease though until all the moving is finished. Though I'm not feeling really crappy or anything, I think I'll feel better once the transition is done - since I know it's coming. Y'know?
Moving is so stressful! I moved five times last year. I'm over the packing and unpacking and scouring the classifieds... for now. Best of luck with your search!
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Old 08-06-2010, 09:39 PM   #2524
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Had dinner tonight with my best friend from college and went to see Charlie St. Cloud. Total girls night, obviously!

We were discussing the depression that's accompanying my sister's pregnancy because Rose knows more about babies than anyone else I know, being big sister to five, a babysitting extraordinaire, and working in the infant wing of the hospital while she was in grad school. I told her that it was taking a toll on me being my sister's go-to shoulder to cry on nearly every single day.

I told Rose that it was because for the first time in my adult life (and probably the first time in my life that I remember) I'm finally happy with who I am and where my life is going... pretty much everything. But it's still hard for me to feel so confidently on a moment to moment basis because I spent so many years conditioning a hate myself mentality. And then I feel like my sister sucks all of the happiness out of my life when I have to try to cheer her up--she's like a happiness parasite. I love her, but it's emotionally draining to constantly build her up--especially when I feel like she tears herself down over the most ridiculous of stuff.

Anyway, on point, IC that I think finding Dims is the reason why I am finally happy with who I am.
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Old 08-06-2010, 09:59 PM   #2525
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My friend just up and moved in with his new boyfriend of only a week and now I have only one friend left in my city and she isn't exactly the type of person I want to hang out with all that often. So I feel really lonely and know it's going to be Hell from here on in because I will never have anything to do and it's going to kill me. I don't know how to make friends and have nothing to do, anyways, that would get me to make any friends. I checked out the programs that schools in my city ould be offering to see if anything would interest me to attend and possibly make friends through that. Sadly, jewellery making and flower arrangement does not interest me in the least, so I am shit out of luck. I'm worried for my sanity. I've been crying all night about it. I hate being lonely and I'm now lonelier than ever.
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