BBW Confessions thread

[JSmirkingRevenge]

Originally Posted by Fluffy51888

IC that I am tired of seeing guys who like chubby girls all over the world except here. It's like I picked the worst plsce ever to live cause there are none. I mean, wtf, this is like, comfort food capital. Almost all the girls are fat. Shouldn't there be boys that like us, too?

they exist hun! i promise! i dated one for a while (yes, south carolina!)

they are just a lot harder to find, in general.

[Fluffy51888]

Originally Posted by JSmirkingRevenge

they exist hun! i promise! i dated one for a while (yes, south carolina!)

they are just a lot harder to find, in general.

Thanks for the encouragement! Guess I'll just have to be patient. I hate being patient. lol

[JSmirkingRevenge]

Originally Posted by supersizebbw

IC i'm super nervous about meeting up in person with a really nice guy i met on the internet who i've been chatting with for almost a year now...i have to keep telling myself i have to put myself out there else i'll be alone forever

been there! a few times, in fact!

best advice i can give you is to just relax and be the same person you've been this whole year chatting with him. i know it's significantly easier said than done, but really... put the emotion aside for a second and think. he's been happily chatting with you for over a year now. YOU. the person you are with him via the internet, is the most comfortable you that you could ever be. now you just get to do it face to face and have it be even better. where the "lol" is ACTUALLY laughter out loud.

just do you, girl.

[Alicia Rose]

I discovered this morning that despite my efforts to lose weight, I am currently the biggest I've been since 2007. Hrrrgh.

[Lovelyone]

My birthday is coming up. I will be 45 years old and I feel 100 years older than that. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person staring back at me. She says things like "Man, you are OLD and fat. How in the hell did you get that many gray hairs? Wow, you've got a lot of wrinkles."

Then I tell her that I EARNED every one of those gray hairs, I do not have wrinkles, they are laugh lines. I tell her that I am not fat--I am a perfect size 6 under all this lushness and I just keep it covered up so it doesn't get scratched. In addition, I tell her to STFU and then I go in search of some butter pecan ice cream.

[Lamia]

I confess that my awesome perm walks a fine between looking adorable and looking like Gene Wilder in "Young Frankenstein" or..well...just Gene Wilder.

[nettie]

IC that I am currently dancing around the house to stripper music.

[Diana_Prince245]

Being in the nursery for my family nursing clinical really makes me want a baby.

[PunkyGurly74]

I fell last week - hurt myself pretty badly, fractured rib and bruised spleen - I didn't even know that was a thing. So, the I was set up to see a doctor for a follow up. First time seeing a personal doctor in quite some time. He is young, but, sweet, kind and really seems to want to help me.

He just called...they ran blood tests. I thought it would be odd that he would call personally. Usually the nurse would just call - and I thought it would be about my metformin (sp) dosage...to adjust. It was actually to inform me they ran a thyroid test (which I didn't know they were going to) and I have hypothyroidism ...I went to the ER ohh....8 or so months ago and I said I am so exhausted, I sleep I wake up ..go to sit up and I pass out. I am afraid of falling asleep while driving......they said..oh you just have sleep apnea because you are fat. You are profoundly sleep deprived and you are depressed because of being fat and not exercising. No one had run a thyroid test.

Look, I'm not saying I'm fat because of this alone....but, my sheer exhaustion and inability to remember things sometimes...and I remember telling my niece a few times I feel like i have had a stroke - because I'm just out of it. I can't remember things I should remember, I have a hard time speaking sometimes...it is all related. He didn't share with me the technical numbers, but, he said it was pretty significant. Also, my family has a history of thyroid cancer. He is the first doctor in my life to take me seriously and that means the world to me.

He is starting me on meds, calling them in, and oh...to have energy again. I hope it works!!!

[HottiMegan]

Originally Posted by PunkyGurly74

I fell last week - hurt myself pretty badly, fractured rib and bruised spleen - I didn't even know that was a thing. So, the I was set up to see a doctor for a follow up. First time seeing a personal doctor in quite some time. He is young, but, sweet, kind and really seems to want to help me.

He just called...they ran blood tests. I thought it would be odd that he would call personally. Usually the nurse would just call - and I thought it would be about my metformin (sp) dosage...to adjust. It was actually to inform me they ran a thyroid test (which I didn't know they were going to) and I have hypothyroidism ...I went to the ER ohh....8 or so months ago and I said I am so exhausted, I sleep I wake up ..go to sit up and I pass out. I am afraid of falling asleep while driving......they said..oh you just have sleep apnea because you are fat. You are profoundly sleep deprived and you are depressed because of being fat and not exercising. No one had run a thyroid test.

Look, I'm not saying I'm fat because of this alone....but, my sheer exhaustion and inability to remember things sometimes...and I remember telling my niece a few times I feel like i have had a stroke - because I'm just out of it. I can't remember things I should remember, I have a hard time speaking sometimes...it is all related. He didn't share with me the technical numbers, but, he said it was pretty significant. Also, my family has a history of thyroid cancer. He is the first doctor in my life to take me seriously and that means the world to me.

He is starting me on meds, calling them in, and oh...to have energy again. I hope it works!!!

That's awesome you found a good, competent doctor. I'm going to start looking for a general practitioner after the move. I hope to find someone to see beyond the fat.

[CleverBomb]

Thyroid issues can be a big deal!
Glad they caught it -- it could well make a significant difference in your life.

Best of luck!

-Rusty

[penguin]

Originally Posted by PunkyGurly74

He is starting me on meds, calling them in, and oh...to have energy again. I hope it works!!!

While it sucks a lot to have fallen and hurt yourself like that, it does look like something good has come out of it. I hope the medication starts working for you quickly.

IC that I've had to buy a second pair of sneakers, because the first pair were too narrow in the toe for me. The arch supports in my regular shoes kept moving about, which had the supports pushing on different parts of my feet. That caused me extra pain and walking my daughter to and from school could leave me in pain all day. I found a handheld massager amongst her toys (I'd completely forgotten about it!) and that was great for relieving some of the pain, but the new sneakers fit much better and it's so much easier to do the walk. It's not very fashionable, but I've never been one to follow fashion. I'm just glad that I'm not in agony as I walk.

AND the walk home used to take me 24 or so minutes - today I did in 16, without even trying to go faster. I guess it's a combination of not being in pain each step and building my endurance. I think about 15 minutes will be the quickest I can do it at a regular pace, and I'm happy with that. When she started school, 5 weeks ago, I would get the bus there and back, with a ten minute walk home. Now I'm getting the bus there and walking home. Once I've adjusted to that, I'll walk up there to get her in the afternoon. I figure a week or two of doing that, and then we can walk up in the mornings too. It'll be cooler by then, so that will be better for both of us. It has been so damn hot and humid lately, that I have no desire to start her day with a big walk like that. She's still only 4!

So, IC that I'm feeling good about how things are improving and that I'm glad my new shoes are working out

[Jeeshcristina]

Originally Posted by penguin

IC that I've had to buy a second pair of sneakers, because the first pair were too narrow in the toe for me. The arch supports in my regular shoes kept moving about, which had the supports pushing on different parts of my feet. That caused me extra pain and walking my daughter to and from school could leave me in pain all day. I found a handheld massager amongst her toys (I'd completely forgotten about it!) and that was great for relieving some of the pain, but the new sneakers fit much better and it's so much easier to do the walk. It's not very fashionable, but I've never been one to follow fashion. I'm just glad that I'm not in agony as I walk.

AND the walk home used to take me 24 or so minutes - today I did in 16, without even trying to go faster. I guess it's a combination of not being in pain each step and building my endurance. I think about 15 minutes will be the quickest I can do it at a regular pace, and I'm happy with that. When she started school, 5 weeks ago, I would get the bus there and back, with a ten minute walk home. Now I'm getting the bus there and walking home. Once I've adjusted to that, I'll walk up there to get her in the afternoon. I figure a week or two of doing that, and then we can walk up in the mornings too. It'll be cooler by then, so that will be better for both of us. It has been so damn hot and humid lately, that I have no desire to start her day with a big walk like that. She's still only 4!

So, IC that I'm feeling good about how things are improving and that I'm glad my new shoes are working out

Penguin,

It's so great that you finally got some shoes to fit right! Nothing is worse than being in pain when you're trying to be active! Congrats on shaving more time off your walks! Just getting out there and doing it makes so much of a difference in how you feel and your outlook in general.

Good luck! Proud of you!

[CastingPearls]

Originally Posted by PunkyGurly74

I fell last week - hurt myself pretty badly, fractured rib and bruised spleen - I didn't even know that was a thing.

and I have hypothyroidism ...
He is starting me on meds, calling them in, and oh...to have energy again. I hope it works!!!

Wow, so sorry you got hurt (didn't know that was a thing either). After about six tries, I got a doctor to test me for low thyroid and sure enough, I was. It took about a month (don't be surprised if your dosage is adjusted after labs) and a dosage tweak and I feel so much better now. Good that you know now and yay for doctors who take us seriously.

Originally Posted by penguin

IC that I've had to buy a second pair of sneakers, because the first pair were too narrow in the toe for me. The arch supports in my regular shoes kept moving about, which had the supports pushing on different parts of my feet. That caused me extra pain and walking my daughter to and from school could leave me in pain all day. I found a handheld massager amongst her toys (I'd completely forgotten about it!) and that was great for relieving some of the pain, but the new sneakers fit much better and it's so much easier to do the walk. It's not very fashionable, but I've never been one to follow fashion. I'm just glad that I'm not in agony as I walk.

AND the walk home used to take me 24 or so minutes - today I did in 16, without even trying to go faster. I guess it's a combination of not being in pain each step and building my endurance. I think about 15 minutes will be the quickest I can do it at a regular pace, and I'm happy with that. When she started school, 5 weeks ago, I would get the bus there and back, with a ten minute walk home. Now I'm getting the bus there and walking home. Once I've adjusted to that, I'll walk up there to get her in the afternoon. I figure a week or two of doing that, and then we can walk up in the mornings too. It'll be cooler by then, so that will be better for both of us. It has been so damn hot and humid lately, that I have no desire to start her day with a big walk like that. She's still only 4!

So, IC that I'm feeling good about how things are improving and that I'm glad my new shoes are working out

It's so empowering to be able to do more than you could before, isn't it? When I first started going back to walking around the supermarket, I had to stop several times and now I whiz around like it's nothing. Next stop---walks around the local state park.

[Sweetnlow]

Originally Posted by Lovelyone

My birthday is coming up. I will be 45 years old and I feel 100 years older than that. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person staring back at me. She says things like "Man, you are OLD and fat. How in the hell did you get that many gray hairs? Wow, you've got a lot of wrinkles."

Then I tell her that I EARNED every one of those gray hairs, I do not have wrinkles, they are laugh lines. I tell her that I am not fat--I am a perfect size 6 under all this lushness and I just keep it covered up so it doesn't get scratched. In addition, I tell her to STFU and then I go in search of some butter pecan ice cream.

Oh that was great! I will try that myself when i look myself in the mirror. I don't understand why we are so disrespectful about ourselves. Would you tell another person that she's fat and old? No!

[penguin]

Originally Posted by Jeeshcristina

Penguin,

It's so great that you finally got some shoes to fit right! Nothing is worse than being in pain when you're trying to be active! Congrats on shaving more time off your walks! Just getting out there and doing it makes so much of a difference in how you feel and your outlook in general.

Good luck! Proud of you!

My feet still hurt a bit first thing in the morning and other times when I'm barefoot, but I wear some Birkenstock sandals at home and they make a big difference. I'm hoping the weather will be cooling down quickly so that walking up to school won't be horrible. And thanks, I'm pretty proud of me too!

Originally Posted by CastingPearls

It's so empowering to be able to do more than you could before, isn't it? When I first started going back to walking around the supermarket, I had to stop several times and now I whiz around like it's nothing. Next stop---walks around the local state park.

It really is. I am pretty active usually. I don't drive, so I have to walk or get buses and trains (though sometimes if I'm in a lot of pain I'll get a cab), but now I'm doing this extra activity it's even better. I don't like being in pain, so I know that walking more will help with my back pain as well as the issues with the feet I'm having. When I was pregnant I had terrible back pain from 15 weeks until I delivered. It was so amazing for that to all disappear once I delivered, so it's kind of like that again. But without the newborn

It's about 1km between home and school, so I'm doing about 3km a day if I get the bus up there and walk home both times, and that'll go up to 4km/day when I walk up as well as back. I know it may not be much to some, but doing that much a day will be a BIG change for me. It'd be nice to get fitter and be able to run around after my daughter again. I have no intention of trying to be thin, but I do want to be healthier and fitter, and a side effect of that will be losing some weight.

[Tau]

I didn’t fight back today. For the first time in a very long time I just didn’t fight back. I was in the water, sea all around and waves just crashing on me and a group of 3 white girls stood in the water pointed and laughed at me. And they laughed at me for a while and I just looked at them and felt this empty kind of silence echoing in the place where I usually keep my rage. I was hurt and embarrassed but in a weird distant way – kind of like how I imagine ice burn would feel. Sharp but absent in the beginning and then unbearably searing – but the searing has not come with this particular burn and instead I just still feel... absent. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of constantly, daily, trying to fit myself into spaces where I’m too fat and too black. I long to be in a space where I just fit – even just one thing about me fits – and I’m not the freak who has to fight everything and everybody all the time. I’m pissed at myself too because I always fight back – always. I just couldn’t today. I’m just feeling so depleted. And utterly alone you know – isolated. Not a good day.

[Surlysomething]

Originally Posted by Tau

I didn’t fight back today. For the first time in a very long time I just didn’t fight back. I was in the water, sea all around and waves just crashing on me and a group of 3 white girls stood in the water pointed and laughed at me. And they laughed at me for a while and I just looked at them and felt this empty kind of silence echoing in the place where I usually keep my rage. I was hurt and embarrassed but in a weird distant way – kind of like how I imagine ice burn would feel. Sharp but absent in the beginning and then unbearably searing – but the searing has not come with this particular burn and instead I just still feel... absent. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of constantly, daily, trying to fit myself into spaces where I’m too fat and too black. I long to be in a space where I just fit – even just one thing about me fits – and I’m not the freak who has to fight everything and everybody all the time. I’m pissed at myself too because I always fight back – always. I just couldn’t today. I’m just feeling so depleted. And utterly alone you know – isolated. Not a good day.

I'm so sorry. -big hug-

[nettie]

Originally Posted by nettie

IC I did it. I registered for the Polar Plunge and within ten minutes of my posting on Facebook that I needed sponsors, my minimum goal was met. No way I can back out of it now!

Update: The Polar Plunge was FABULOUS! And I was able to raise over $500 for Special Olympics! Am already looking forward to doing it again next year.

[littlefairywren]

Originally Posted by Tau

I didn’t fight back today. For the first time in a very long time I just didn’t fight back. I was in the water, sea all around and waves just crashing on me and a group of 3 white girls stood in the water pointed and laughed at me. And they laughed at me for a while and I just looked at them and felt this empty kind of silence echoing in the place where I usually keep my rage. I was hurt and embarrassed but in a weird distant way – kind of like how I imagine ice burn would feel. Sharp but absent in the beginning and then unbearably searing – but the searing has not come with this particular burn and instead I just still feel... absent. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of constantly, daily, trying to fit myself into spaces where I’m too fat and too black. I long to be in a space where I just fit – even just one thing about me fits – and I’m not the freak who has to fight everything and everybody all the time. I’m pissed at myself too because I always fight back – always. I just couldn’t today. I’m just feeling so depleted. And utterly alone you know – isolated. Not a good day.

Don't let them take your strength or let anyone make you feel less than you are. Extra tender ((((((((hugs)))))))).

[HottiMegan]

IC I have a major case of the Mondays. I'm tired and want to go back to sleep. My stomach bug is nearly out of my system but my body is hammered from it. Sleep is big time desired. I'm going to try and put Alex down for a nap. He hasn't had one in a long time but he might be okay if i put the tv on with a movie in his room. That could give me an hour of rest.

[PunkyGurly74]

Thanks to everyone for the kind words from this post and the one in the Lounge. Believe it or not...I'm okay at the moment.

Nothing was missing from my storage unit, the electric was turned on at the last minute, but, the heater is not working and there is this weird interaction going on with a company called Altisource - all calls are answered in India and their response to a broken furnace is that a renter of an apartment is supposed to pay to replace the entire furnace...lol

Code enforcement informed us that the bank is trying to force an illegal eviction ..which is common in situations like this. So...things are up in the air, in the meantime I am staying with a friend who was kind enough to take us (the dogs and I) in and I checked my storage unit and nothing was taken.

Also, I submitted a job application today, within 10 minutes I had a phone call a short interview and will have a longer phone interview tomorrow.

Soo...at the moment, even though there is an immense amount of stress and uncertainty....I'm okay - at the moment lol

[Alicia Rose]

I started a new temp job on Friday. One more until US Steel drops off the bottom of my resume and I no longer have to worry about them saying crazy things about me to prospective employers. It'll be a lot easier to find work then, I think.

Also while I was at work I started writing for my blog. (subtle hint to check it out )

Also also, I decided to move across the country and go back to school for a second degree.

[Diana_Prince245]

I've lost 16 pounds now. 40 to go and I'm going to start working with a trainer this week. I am totally going to solve my foot pain issue and climb a mountain with my girls by the end of the summer.

[sgageny]

was dumped so spectacularly today, that i laughed out loud.
Facebook chat dumpage! Seriously?!...
need something/someone new in my life.