Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > BBW Forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-08-2009, 04:14 PM   #26
steely
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,586
steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Yeah but most of the world "accepts" you more readily at a smaller size.

I have a nice shape....at a smaller size. I gain weight and I become more belly.

I have struggled a long time now not to hate my stomach. A lot of people out in the world hate it....and I come here and it's not so great either.


I feel badly about myself out in the world- I feel badly here. Adapting to the world is a much more possible endeavor than changing my shape.
You have a nice shape now, you just don't see it because of the negativity directed towards you and that makes you feel bad and in turn becomes a vicious circle, which makes you feel worse.

The world is going to do what the world does and that is try to bring people down. I'm not going to change shape, 3 sisters and a grandmother all the same. I've got to learn to live with it and let the rest go. It will drive you crazy if you let it and so will the world. You can't hate part of yourself without it spilling over.

I'm twice your size and not always happy with my body but I throw my head up and tell myself I'm just as good as anyone else and if other people have a problem, it's their problem.

This probably hasn't helped at all but I see a smart, funny, capable, confidant beautiful woman. It would be the same no matter what shape you have. You remember that because I know I'm not the only one that thinks so. You even told me yourself at dinner.
steely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 04:17 PM   #27
Jon Blaze
Dusk
 
Jon Blaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK ya dig? ;)
Posts: 6,743
Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I feel this way, too. You come to the place where "big is beautiful" except if you're not XYZ big, not a certain shape or gain weight exactly where someone demands it, it's quite hurtful. If you cannot get support here- then it's probably never coming. Period.
It's depressing to read things written by men "celebrating" women of a different shape- saying things like "pear shaped women are the REAL women of the world", a thread with a guy saying that apple shaped women cannot conceive and bear children like pear shaped women (it's utter bullshit- my hips are plenty wide and I have twins- I just don't gain weight in my lower ass as quickly as my gut).
I see people here acting like kids in the candy shop- and they seem to so easily discard that which they don't find to be eye candy as trash. No sensitivity or concern- as if we are not worth the trouble of polite decency.


Reading such things and picking up such messages, not only here but other places on the net, makes me wish to be thin. I don't feel embraced but rather devalued......I have some hope of having my shape/size appreciated at a lower weight.

A great irony is that the men from my past two sexual relationships always told me how much they love "my big ass". My ass is obviously big enough for men that like thinner women but also bigger ladies. I never get that here.....never in the place where big, but only in certain places, is beautiful.

HEY! I'm just like those guys. I think you're pretty just the way you are. ^_^ lol

But on a serious note: This is a much needed thread.
I don't think we (FAs, cross trainers, and so on) have any obligation to like a certain shape or size, but the fact that you're being discriminated against because you're not xyz lbs, and because you're not xyz shape is wrong. I'm really sorry a lot of you feel this way in what is suppose to be your safe haven.
__________________
Love people of all sizes!!! History is sometimes more logical than society.- Me

"Happiness is not stopping to think if you are."- Palmer Sondreal
Jon Blaze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 04:22 PM   #28
Tania
Disneyland Bobsled Team
 
Tania's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The corner of Small World Mall & Matterhorn Way.
Posts: 1,975
Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
If "fat" is a state of mind that has little to do with real fat as we know and experience it, what's to prevent us from resisting the messages out there and creating our own internal acceptance?

Easier said than done, especially in a world where rejection hurts and where we are told we will always be alone if we don't comply with acceptable body measuring standards.
I think it takes a Howard Beale-style epiphanic moment, when you realize that worldly constructs are bourgeois, bullshit traps designed to gratify The Man (lol) and have no intrinsic value as indicators of universal truth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_qgVn-Op7Q

I think this BBW board has great potential to show us how much power we have - as a group and as individuals - against the hate chimerae. It took me until, like, THIS YEAR to realize that nobody is perfect and NO ONE is OR EVER WILL BE immune to the naysaying bullshit. I let that crap make me feel suicidal and less than human for years and years. Society is good at sowing the seeds of self-hatred, but in my case, I was the one who took the situation to extremes and came to the final conclusion regarding my unworthiness. Now I realize how unnecessary that was. There are people who appreciate me and want me and think I'm grand. Some of those people have dated thin, hot models, too, which goes to show that men are sold the same silly bill of goods that we are.

Break the cycle, people. Take a page from Mary Wollstonecraft and raise your sons and daughters to look beyond the hothouse flower illusions.
__________________
You're such a strange girl
I think you come from another world

~ The Cure

"She will never submit to any thing requiring industry and patience, and a subjection of the fancy to the understanding."
~ Mr. Knightley on Emma, Jane Austen's Emma

Last edited by Tania; 07-08-2009 at 04:28 PM. Reason: shit grammar police
Tania is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 04:37 PM   #29
Gingembre
radar detector
 
Gingembre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 2,796
Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!Gingembre keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

OOooh GREAT thread...really great! I am misised too I think...amd also way too tired to post properly now - it's gone 12.30am here and I meant to go to sleep an hour ago, but I will be back!
__________________
This is my voice. My weapon of choice. - Grace Jones
We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams - Charlie & the Chocolate Factory
Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time - Ok Go
Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break your heart - Tim Minchin
Gingembre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 04:55 PM   #30
comaseason
Housewares
 
comaseason's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Land o' Ports, OR
Posts: 416
comaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashmamma84 View Post
I just wonder why there is so much upset and anger between the groups of fat women? And if it can be reconciled, what steps do we need to take to work towards that? Let's call a truce! Or is that wishful thinking?

I'm not naive; I know ALL women can be catty. Smaller bbws do it to ssbbws and ssbbws dish out the same to smaller bbws, but it just seems counterproductive to the cause (of fat girl sisterhood).
Invalidating others experiences and/or belittling people is often born out of insecurity. Just a thought, but maybe on both ends of the spectrum some people aren't as confident about their size or beauty as they would have others believe?

Being new to this community it is both difficult and informative to know that these kinds of things happen and that there can be biases. Not many people are self-actualized and we've still got a lot of room to grow - both in the world and in our own community.

Love others as you would love yourself. So I guess the trick is to helping people (including myself) love themselves more.

So how the hell do you do that?
comaseason is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 05:08 PM   #31
Tania
Disneyland Bobsled Team
 
Tania's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The corner of Small World Mall & Matterhorn Way.
Posts: 1,975
Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

You know, I often hear people say that it's hard to love other people if you can't love yourself. But I think the opposite is at least as true - if you can appreciate other people, warts and all, you have the potential to accept your own warts. Knowing other big girls who are hot and nifty helps you normalize your own fat.

I spent years judging myself against these impossible standards I would never even think to apply to other people. Then I realized how stupid and hypocritical that was.
__________________
You're such a strange girl
I think you come from another world

~ The Cure

"She will never submit to any thing requiring industry and patience, and a subjection of the fancy to the understanding."
~ Mr. Knightley on Emma, Jane Austen's Emma
Tania is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 05:18 PM   #32
ashmamma84
Om Namah Shivayah
 
ashmamma84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Mild Sauce City
Posts: 3,818
ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by comaseason View Post
Invalidating others experiences and/or belittling people is often born out of insecurity. Just a thought, but maybe on both ends of the spectrum some people aren't as confident about their size or beauty as they would have others believe?Being new to this community it is both difficult and informative to know that these kinds of things happen and that there can be biases. Not many people are self-actualized and we've still got a lot of room to grow - both in the world and in our own community.

Love others as you would love yourself. So I guess the trick is to helping people (including myself) love themselves more.

So how the hell do you do that?
I definitely believe that as well. But don't you think it's hard for people to show love to others if they don't feel that great about themselves? If anything, I think it would be easier to hate on someone if you're really unhappy.

I'm big on affirmations - I have them all over my house. And I say them everyday. I literally stand in the mirror naked, saying what I love about myself -- and it just isn't physical. I tell myself that I'm worthy of love, respect, dignity, etc. That I'm a great friend, daugther, aunt, partner, lover, etc. And believe it or not something as small is giving myself a big hug does alot for me; to show myself some affection and gentleness that I afford others does wonders for my esteem. And I think sometimes we have to fake it til we make it; living in the world can be hard, but that doesn't mean we have to be nasty or harbor such anger towards others and if we do, maybe that's worth examining.

One of my good friends is a fellow bbw - and while she's bigger than me at a size 26, I've always felt like she was my (fat) sister. In all the years I've known her, she has not once complimented me. Now, it doesn't bother me because I receive compliments often, so its more of an observation and something I think is just...odd. What she does do is say something kinda crass like, "Oh Ash must think she looks SO good since she's always dressed to kill." Or something dramatic like that.

There was a time we went shopping for makeup at MAC and I had my face made over by a professional just to play around with some loud colors that I'd generally not wear to work, etc. So instead of saying, "Those colors are so cute!" Or "Your look is fierce!" like most women would do -- she pipes up, "Don't think you look better than me cause your face is made up!" Um...I didn't realize this was a competition and honestly that's what I feel like she makes it out to be alot of times. It's gotten to the point where I don't really reach out to her anymore because the negativity and self hate has just eaten her up. The joy and laughter we used to share is just gone...and really, I'm just not interested in dealing with it.

I'm past the trying to help her, help herself. I've talked until I've been blue in the face. She truly believes her life would be different if she weren't apple shaped and if she were thin. Sometimes you just have to let a person hit rock bottom and realize the time wasted for them to awaken to their lives - and that's where I am, at least concerning her. Just makes me kinda sad though because she truly is a beautiful woman.
__________________
Bellydance is my religion; my body is a temple, my dance is a prayer
ashmamma84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 05:18 PM   #33
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,062
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tania View Post
You know, I often hear people say that it's hard to love other people if you can't love yourself. But I think the opposite is at least as true - if you can appreciate other people, warts and all, you have the potential to accept your own warts. Knowing other big girls who are hot and nifty helps you normalize your own fat.

I spent years judging myself against these impossible standards I would never even think to apply to other people. Then I realized how stupid and hypocritical that was.
This is true for me, as well. We are usually our own worst critics.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 05:19 PM   #34
comaseason
Housewares
 
comaseason's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Land o' Ports, OR
Posts: 416
comaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tania View Post
You know, I often hear people say that it's hard to love other people if you can't love yourself. But I think the opposite is at least as true - if you can appreciate other people, warts and all, you have the potential to accept your own warts. Knowing other big girls who are hot and nifty helps you normalize your own fat.

I spent years judging myself against these impossible standards I would never even think to apply to other people. Then I realized how stupid and hypocritical that was.
That's a very good point, I'd never thought about it quite like that before.

And I totally hear ya about the judging yourself against impossible standards...I still do that and catch myself. I always have to ask - now why would that be true for you and not for someone else?

I mean I want to be *special* and all, but some of the things I think I should be doing/being/saying/living... ridiculous!
comaseason is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 05:28 PM   #35
comaseason
Housewares
 
comaseason's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Land o' Ports, OR
Posts: 416
comaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashmamma84 View Post
I definitely believe that as well. But don't you think it's hard for people to show love to others if they don't feel that great about themselves? If anything, I think it would be easier to hate on someone if you're really unhappy.
That is indeed the freakin rub of it all - isn't it? I agree that I find myself being a lot more snippy and harsh with people and their quirks, if I'm having a hard time with myself.

Why God, why? *shakes fist*

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashmamma84 View Post
I'm big on affirmations - I have them all over my house. And I say them everyday. I literally stand in the mirror naked, saying what I love about myself -- and it just isn't physical. I tell myself that I'm worthy of love, respect, dignity, etc. That I'm a great friend, daugther, aunt, partner, lover, etc. And believe it or not something as small is giving myself a big hug does alot for me; to show myself some affection and gentleness that I afford others does wonders for my esteem. And I think sometimes we have to fake it til we make it; living in the world can be hard, but that doesn't mean we have to be nasty or harbor such anger towards others and if we do, maybe that's worth examining.
I've never been able to quite get into that habit. I wake up every morning and say out loud the things I'm thankful for, but I will readily admit that they often have to do with other people or things - and not typically about myself. How did you get yourself into the habit?
comaseason is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 05:32 PM   #36
kayrae
doot doot doot
 
kayrae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,205
kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!kayrae keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quick tangent (I promise to talk about being fat later, but I really want to respond to Tooz):

If only I read something like this when I was in high school. When I was a sophomore, my teacher wanted us to write an essay choosing which was worse: Black slavery vs. Japanese internment. He gave me an F because my thesis statement didn't choose a side. I said they were both horrible. I found out a year later that teacher was fired because of numerous student complaints.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tooz View Post
Opression Olympics (I can't find the link I was initially looking for which was directly related to fats and fatter fats, but this'll do) can run rampant with women, sometimes with the larger discrediting the struggles of smaller women because it MUST be easier because they weigh less. We all have our own battles.
kayrae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 05:45 PM   #37
ashmamma84
Om Namah Shivayah
 
ashmamma84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Mild Sauce City
Posts: 3,818
ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by comaseason View Post
That is indeed the freakin rub of it all - isn't it? I agree that I find myself being a lot more snippy and harsh with people and their quirks, if I'm having a hard time with myself.

Why God, why? *shakes fist*



I've never been able to quite get into that habit. I wake up every morning and say out loud the things I'm thankful for, but I will readily admit that they often have to do with other people or things - and not typically about myself. How did you get yourself into the habit?
Honestly, I began a spiritual practice and apart of that includes saying affirmations about all aspects of my life - health, finances, career, my relationship with my partner, etc. so it just blossomed out of that. Then I received a Purposeful Living bangle bracelet and a Believe in Yourself plaque from a good friend for my bday. And it really took off from there.

Its so funny how we can ask for things for others or be thankful for others, but how often do we actually say, "I am thankful for me. I am thankful for my life, whereever I may be on this journey." I think alot of times we have such a hard time loving ourselves through all of it--good, bad, and downright ugly. It's difficult for us to look at our lives without judgement and to love ourselves for having created it. But I think the day we can open our hearts in love and appreciation, in trust, and in joy is the day that maybe then we will love what we really are, not later on, when things are as we think they should be.
__________________
Bellydance is my religion; my body is a temple, my dance is a prayer
ashmamma84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 07:08 PM   #38
littlefairywren
Chi Chi
 
littlefairywren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 15,316
littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I am so glad that the BBW Forum is up and running. It has probably been said to death, but when I first found Dims I did that exhale thing. Like, finally I found a place where I fit. But after rummaging around all over the different boards I started getting disappointed by some of the bitchiness over who really "belongs" here. To the point where I was reluctant to post, because what the hell would I know - I'm not really fat enough to understand!

Is being Super Sized like being part of an exclusive club and why did I not get an invitation.

I was actually under the impression that all fat women would be some kind of support group for each other because we all would have experienced some kind of discrimmination one way or another! I am that pear shape and it's no great shakes at times

Hope that all came out the right way
__________________
There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved ~ George Sand
littlefairywren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 07:19 PM   #39
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tania View Post
I think this BBW board has great potential to show us how much power we have - as a group and as individuals - against the hate chimerae. It took me until, like, THIS YEAR to realize that nobody is perfect and NO ONE is OR EVER WILL BE immune to the naysaying bullshit.
Yes, I agree. If we concede the point that our bodies are not as acceptable as those touted by the most vocal proponents of whatever shape, we're in essence saying, "You're right, I am second rate." And it's clearly a matter of preferences, in the end. Not to mention that attraction--real life, one-on-one, get-down-to-it attraction--is a complicated deal.

We don't have to accept sweeping generalizations about what's "better" or "preferable," where looks go. Those generalizations tend to fall apart at the level of individual attraction anyway. There is someone out there for everyone--probably more "someones" out there per person than any one of us would know what to do with if you put all those someones potentially attracted to us in a single room.

Sweeping generalizations get vocalized in ways such that we begin to feel they have the weight of authority--using science, or politics, or the media to pin them on. But we can AND should resist people claiming authority over our bodies and our lives.

Internalize these loudly voiced generalizations as "truths," and it does get very depressing. But I think we have a choice, luckily.
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|

Last edited by Fascinita; 07-08-2009 at 07:27 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 07:23 PM   #40
Punkin1024
Summer's already here!
 
Punkin1024's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Near Abilene, Texas, in the country. Wishing all my DIMS friends lived close by.
Posts: 6,343
Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!Punkin1024 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I'm an in betweenie! I'm 4' 11-1/2" and weigh around 275. The most frustrating thing for me is I'm about two sizes over average women's petite sizes, and too short for the really cute larger sizes. My family worries about my size and I'm constantly feeling guilty because I just don't feel like putting in all the effort to get down to a smaller size.

I was a part of Dimensions in the old forums and left for a couple of years because I was getting smaller and felt I would not be accepted in here. It took several months and posts from some old friends for me to come back. I'm so glad that ALL BBW's are now being accepted as a part of this community, even though I've gained back to where I used to be. It is nice to know that if ever I get smaller (for whatever reason), I'll still be welcome here.
__________________
~Punkin

"Rainy day people don't talk, they just listen till they've heard it all." ~Rainy Day People - Gordon Lightfoot

"Use what talent you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." - Henry Van Dyke
Punkin1024 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 08:25 PM   #41
ashy1
 
ashy1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 9
ashy1 has said some nice things
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
Quick tangent (I promise to talk about being fat later, but I really want to respond to Tooz):

If only I read something like this when I was in high school. When I was a sophomore, my teacher wanted us to write an essay choosing which was worse: Black slavery vs. Japanese internment. He gave me an F because my thesis statement didn't choose a side. I said they were both horrible. I found out a year later that teacher was fired because of numerous student complaints.
I donít think it should be assumed the teacher was wrong or incompetent because students complained. The F was harsh but I understand the reason that grade was given. If you did not take a stand on those issues, what would you have argued in the body of the paper?
ashy1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 08:49 PM   #42
thatgirl08
KNOW IT ALL
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,916
thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ella Bella View Post
I think the problem is that there just really isn't a fat girl sisterhood. Not on any large scale at least.
I think part of the reason for this is because so many fat women hate themselves that it's like, they almost don't even want to talk about it and if they do, they're complaining about it. It's hard to really bond over that unless you're bonding over weightloss talk which is just.. sickening really. Bonding over mutual hatred of something isn't really the best relationship starter, imo.

As far as shapes are concerned, I have felt .. devalued on this site because I'm not the "right" shape. I'm somewhat flat chested (44C) and definitely have no butt. I'm a classic apple shape and most guys just don't seem to prefer that. I'm lucky enough to be dating (we just made it official today!) someone who prefers apple shapes to other shapes but I definitely wouldn't say thats the norm. I hate being made to feel like my body STILL isn't good enough. Luckily though, I guess there's something for everyone and my bf happens to think I'm hot.
thatgirl08 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 09:04 PM   #43
StarWitness
part square, part drape
 
StarWitness's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sexcriminalboat
Posts: 692
StarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatgirl08 View Post
As far as shapes are concerned, I have felt .. devalued on this site because I'm not the "right" shape. I'm somewhat flat chested (44C) and definitely have no butt. I'm a classic apple shape and most guys just don't seem to prefer that.
Same here. I'm not very curvy at all; my weight disproportionately resides in my midsection. I like to think of myself as mango shaped (yay, extended fruit metaphor).

For me, hearing "Fat girls are hot" followed up with qualifying statements about tits and hips and asses makes me feel about the same as hearing "Thin girls are hot." Because-- and I know this is ego-centric-- I still don't meet what are apparently the standard qualifications of having an attractive body.

And then I say to myself, "StarWitness," I say, "you have to stop using other people's opinions to bolster your sense of self-worth. We've been down this road before. We don't like this road. Find a different damn road."

And, against all logic, I still buy into it and feel like a hag. *shrug* At least my therapist isn't going hungry.
__________________
Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag. --Homer Simpson

I've always been a guy with a sweet tooth, and that girl's just like a king-size candy bar...
--Sleater-Kinney
StarWitness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 09:08 PM   #44
thatgirl08
KNOW IT ALL
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,916
thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!thatgirl08 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StarWitness View Post
Same here. I'm not very curvy at all; my weight disproportionately resides in my midsection. I like to think of myself as mango shaped (yay, extended fruit metaphor).

For me, hearing "Fat girls are hot" followed up with qualifying statements about tits and hips and asses makes me feel about the same as hearing "Thin girls are hot." Because-- and I know this is ego-centric-- I still don't meet what are apparently the standard qualifications of having an attractive body.

And then I say to myself, "StarWitness," I say, "you have to stop using other people's opinions to bolster your sense of self-worth. We've been down this road before. We don't like this road. Find a different damn road."

And, against all logic, I still buy into it and feel like a hag. *shrug* At least my therapist isn't going hungry.
oo I like mango's better than apples. I may start using that.

But yeah, that's exactly how I feel.
thatgirl08 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 09:36 PM   #45
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StarWitness View Post
For me, hearing "Fat girls are hot" followed up with qualifying statements about tits and hips and asses makes me feel about the same as hearing "Thin girls are hot." Because-- and I know this is ego-centric-- I still don't meet what are apparently the standard qualifications of having an attractive body.
What do you think might make you feel better about it? Like, if you could change any of the factors involved in your feeling like this, what would you change?
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 10:15 PM   #46
StarWitness
part square, part drape
 
StarWitness's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sexcriminalboat
Posts: 692
StarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
What do you think might make you feel better about it? Like, if you could change any of the factors involved in your feeling like this, what would you change?
Honestly... I don't know what would make me feel better. (Women! Amirite, guys?)

I don't think the "Thick-waisted chicks with small breasts and okay asses appreciation thread" would do it, because that would make me feel fetishized, and I don't like that either. Shit, if I even believed anyone who posted in that thread. I don't want someone to be attracted to me in spite of my body, but I have trouble deprogramming myself to the point where I believe that someone actually would be attracted to my body. That was actually a major issue in my last relationship (I mean, it wasn't as simple as me having low self-esteem, but it certainly didn't help matters).

And it's a little glib to say that I'd want to be confident in myself all the time and not care what anyone else thinks. I mean, self-confidence is something I've been working on for quite some time (so long, in fact, that I can't bring myself to use it as an answer to questions along this line without rolling my eyes), but I don't know that changing myself, even for the better, is going to change how I feel about this issue.

I guess... hm... if I could jump in a rocketship and go live on StarWitness' Ideal Planet where there isn't a long and pervasive history of women's worth being reduced to physical attractiveness? And in that rocketship I undergo brain surgery that removes all the painful and negative associations I have with my body? That would help.
__________________
Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag. --Homer Simpson

I've always been a guy with a sweet tooth, and that girl's just like a king-size candy bar...
--Sleater-Kinney
StarWitness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2009, 10:22 PM   #47
StarWitness
part square, part drape
 
StarWitness's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sexcriminalboat
Posts: 692
StarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Oh, I've made myself sad...
__________________
Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag. --Homer Simpson

I've always been a guy with a sweet tooth, and that girl's just like a king-size candy bar...
--Sleater-Kinney
StarWitness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2009, 12:38 AM   #48
katherine22
 
katherine22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Tualatin, Oregon (near Portland)
Posts: 566
katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
This makes absolute sense to me. I've experienced it. I felt worse about my body when I was 20 lb over what I was told was the ideal than I do now at over 100 lb over.

This points to the fact that what we know as "fat" in the popular imagination has little to do with actual fat. "Fat" is a concept that's been made monstrous and used to keep us in line. This explains why women with "5 lbs to lose" can have insanely distorted body images.

If "fat" is a state of mind that has little to do with real fat as we know and experience it, what's to prevent us from resisting the messages out there and creating our own internal acceptance?

Easier said than done, especially in a world where rejection hurts and where we are told we will always be alone if we don't comply with acceptable body measuring standards.
Sometimes it is difficult to separate fat and self-hatred. It is too painful to say that I hate myself ; therefore, I will say that it is my fat that is hanging me up. Most people have not thought far enough about the idea of beauty as the product of social construction. What FAs love is just an exaggerated image of the valued thin woman - big tits, protruding ass and small stomach the 400 lb. J-Lou another unrealistic standard. A very smart woman once said to me "never allow a man to have control of your emotional life" they do not have the intelligence to handle it. I AM NOT BASHING MEN HERE. We want men to appreciate qualities about us that they are not capable of apprehending.
__________________
"It's absurd to divide people into good and bad. People either or charming or tedious." Oscar Wilde

Queen Elizabeth I residing within.

If I continue to eat I will grow as big as a room.
"What are rooms for?":bow:
katherine22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2009, 07:45 AM   #49
fatgirlflyin
needs a vacation
 
fatgirlflyin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: California
Posts: 2,745
fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatgirl08 View Post
I think part of the reason for this is because so many fat women hate themselves that it's like, they almost don't even want to talk about it and if they do, they're complaining about it. It's hard to really bond over that unless you're bonding over weightloss talk which is just.. sickening really. Bonding over mutual hatred of something isn't really the best relationship starter, imo.

As far as shapes are concerned, I have felt .. devalued on this site because I'm not the "right" shape. I'm somewhat flat chested (44C) and definitely have no butt. I'm a classic apple shape and most guys just don't seem to prefer that. I'm lucky enough to be dating (we just made it official today!) someone who prefers apple shapes to other shapes but I definitely wouldn't say thats the norm. I hate being made to feel like my body STILL isn't good enough. Luckily though, I guess there's something for everyone and my bf happens to think I'm hot.

I think you're right. I've known many fat women and the ones that are just fine with themselves for the most part are the ones that I've formed deep friendships with. I'm fortunate to have several fat women that I consider very close friends, they remind me that I'm beautiful when I forget.

I was in Ketchikan last week and one of the employees had made a quilt, and the squares on the quilt were women with bodies made out of fruit. I instantly thought about Dimensions and snapped a few pics. I'll upload them and post them here in a little while.
__________________
Keep on keeping on...
fatgirlflyin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2009, 07:53 AM   #50
Tooz
sweet chocolate christ
 
Tooz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: shoppin' fuh food
Posts: 5,086
Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
Quick tangent (I promise to talk about being fat later, but I really want to respond to Tooz):

If only I read something like this when I was in high school. When I was a sophomore, my teacher wanted us to write an essay choosing which was worse: Black slavery vs. Japanese internment. He gave me an F because my thesis statement didn't choose a side. I said they were both horrible. I found out a year later that teacher was fired because of numerous student complaints.
...........

Jesus H.
How can you even compare the two? They are both awful things in their own way (with some shared ground). I take a staunch position that you cannot compare suffering, because none of it is the same, even down to how it affects each individual. That teacher sounds awful.
__________________
let's call a spade a spade: it's porn
Tooz is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:51 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.