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Old 07-15-2009, 10:21 PM   #1
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Default Fag hags, fag stags, fruit flies, Dutch boys, swish dishes...

I'm a proud fag hag. I've had the good fortune to be friends with many wonderful gay men in my life, some of whom I consider to be my best friends. Those relationships are really special to me. I know it's not part of my sexual orientation, but I consider my fag-hagness to be an important part of my identity.

Margaret Cho wrote a piece on why the friendships between gay men and women are so important, and of course I can't find it.

Just wondering if anyone else out there felt the same.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:59 PM   #2
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Default I feel the same way

The Fruit and the Fly!
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:17 PM   #3
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Proud fag hag here too. Most of my friends are gay men, trannies and genderqueers. I grew up in an extremely conservative and intolerant place (rampant homophobia, illegal gay sex) so community is especially important and they are the family I never had.

I seem to suck at sustaining friendships with lesbians though, especially (hot) butches. I also wish I have more girly friends, especially queer femmes.
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Old 07-16-2009, 05:08 AM   #4
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I've lived in/on the border of gay villages for many years....so yeah, I suppose I'm a fag hag. A large number of my friends are gay men, however, these friendships are not any deeper than they are with straight guys.

To be honest, though, I don't bond to people easily and keep VERY few close friends. *is mistrusting and antisocial*
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Old 07-16-2009, 06:24 AM   #5
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I always wondered why there isn't a history or a cultural narrative about cross-cultural bonds between queer women and other groups. It always makes me kinda sad, but then again, most of my friends are straight, so what do I know?

No bestie gay boy in my life right now, but how can you not love them?
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Old 07-16-2009, 07:22 AM   #6
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I'm a bit of a fag hag. My best friend for the last 6 years is gay and such a frickin sweetheart. <3.
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:31 PM   #7
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*gasp*

I LOVE IT. She is one sexy mama.

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I always wondered why there isn't a history or a cultural narrative about cross-cultural bonds between queer women and other groups.
That's a really good question. I have no idea, but it's certainly worth discussing.
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Old 07-16-2009, 05:51 PM   #8
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I'm a total bear-hag.
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Old 07-21-2009, 06:49 AM   #9
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I'm a total bear-hag.
Me too Surly, and according to Margaret Cho, we are known as "Goldilocks".

bears.

Also my gay hubby is bearded but tall and slender. He's a cutie tho', looks like Hodgins from the tv show Bones (but taller and a bit thicker).

.
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Old 07-21-2009, 07:16 AM   #10
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Bears are awesome!

Gay hubby, that's interesting! If you don't mind me asking, how is the relationship like? Since young I talked about marrying my gay best friend (and my future girlfriend marries his future boyfriend), living in a big queer house of sorts and switching rooms when the homophobic parents come visiting...
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Old 07-21-2009, 07:26 AM   #11
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Bears are awesome!

Gay hubby, that's interesting! If you don't mind me asking, how is the relationship like? Since young I talked about marrying my gay best friend (and my future girlfriend marries his future boyfriend), living in a big queer house of sorts and switching rooms when the homophobic parents come visiting...
Actually, the idea comes from Sex in the City when Carrie called..what was his name...Stanford?...her gay hubby, and so Andrew dubbed himself my gay hubby. He lives in another state, is an art history prof, and we've known each other for almost 20 years now. Before he came out to me, and even afterward, we always promised each other that if we grow old and are w/o partners, then we'd marry . Kind of like the house you dreamed about, only by then our parents would be dead, so no need to de-queer the house before visitors arrive. :-)

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Old 07-21-2009, 08:53 AM   #12
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I'm not sure where I fit - I don't have any gay male friends, but many of my closest friends are lesbians. I enjoy lesbian culture in general and feel a connection to it, even though I'm basically straight. If there's a descriptive term for women like me, I've yet to hear it
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Old 07-21-2009, 09:03 AM   #13
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Aww that's sweet, Sparkling!

Hmm, I don't know a name for that either Aletha, "dyke mike" only applies to men... honorary queer!
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Old 07-21-2009, 11:03 AM   #14
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I was quite the dyke tyke back in highschool, also apparently a bit of a fag stag. I miss my butch bud.
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Old 07-21-2009, 11:04 AM   #15
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I'm not sure where I fit - I don't have any gay male friends, but many of my closest friends are lesbians. I enjoy lesbian culture in general and feel a connection to it, even though I'm basically straight. If there's a descriptive term for women like me, I've yet to hear it
I'm not 100%, but I think I've heard the term 'lesbifriend' used for that.
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Old 07-22-2009, 06:11 AM   #16
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I'm not 100%, but I think I've heard the term 'lesbifriend' used for that.
Heh, I'll take it
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:23 AM   #17
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Actually, the idea comes from Sex in the City when Carrie called..what was his name...Stanford?...her gay hubby, and so Andrew dubbed himself my gay hubby. He lives in another state, is an art history prof, and we've known each other for almost 20 years now. Before he came out to me, and even afterward, we always promised each other that if we grow old and are w/o partners, then we'd marry . Kind of like the house you dreamed about, only by then our parents would be dead, so no need to de-queer the house before visitors arrive. :-)

.
This reminds me of the movie about Cole Porter, Delovely?

I can actually see myself living my life with my gay buddy (we've been best friends for almost 11 years now) and we have talked extensively about it, that if we ever end up alone in our old age, we should live together.

I just hope that by that time he'd have developed a nice, chubby body (he's currently too lean and muscly for my liking).

I wouldn't consider myself a fag hag, but I get along better with men in general, gay, bisexual, straight and even FTMs. Sustaining relationships with them is less of a hassle, as opposed to trying to develop and sustain a platonic relationship with other queer women, especially lesbians. Alot of the latter i come across find me a little too eccentric for their liking.
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Old 08-06-2009, 10:22 AM   #18
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I wouldn't consider myself a fag hag, but I get along better with men in general, gay, bisexual, straight and even FTMs. Sustaining relationships with them is less of a hassle, as opposed to trying to develop and sustain a platonic relationship with other queer women, especially lesbians. Alot of the latter i come across find me a little too eccentric for their liking.
I'm the same way. My two very best friends are guys--a straight guy and a bisexual guy. I actually was with both of them in fairly long term relationships, a long long time ago. Now we are all the best of platonic friends.

I've always had a hard time making friends with women, straight, gay or otherwise. I feel a lot more like myself around guys, and feel like there's a lot less "impression management" sort of stuff to worry about--with women, I'm always afraid I'm going to offend them, or be too weird or crude or tell the wrong kind of joke or something. Not that my guy friends are ultra-macho or anything, but they like to tease and play and joke like guys do, so I'm more used to guy type humor and playing. These guys are also great at listening and being sympathetic, too, so I don't miss out on that, either.

Sometimes, because of this, I wish I were more straight, or a gay FTM or something. Sometimes I'm sexually attracted to some guys, but it's just really not what I want. I really want to be with a woman who I can get along with well and feel at ease with. I feel more comfortable physically and sexually with women. My sexual fantasies are at least 99% homosexual. I just wish things worked out with women better otherwise.
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:02 AM   #19
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I've always had a hard time making friends with women, straight, gay or otherwise. I feel a lot more like myself around guys, and feel like there's a lot less "impression management" sort of stuff to worry about--with women, I'm always afraid I'm going to offend them, or be too weird or crude or tell the wrong kind of joke or something. Not that my guy friends are ultra-macho or anything, but they like to tease and play and joke like guys do, so I'm more used to guy type humor and playing.
I agree with you. Sometimes I feel like I have to "perform" my gender more around most straight people-- not all, certainly, those are the people I end up forming close friendships with-- but around my queer friends, I can relax and not have to worry about feigning interest in romantic comedies for the sake of being polite or whatever.
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Old 08-06-2009, 01:01 PM   #20
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Friendships with straight women already can be a pain. Throw in romance and the probability of your best friend dating your ex's ex in a small incestuous community... Not pretty.

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I wouldn't consider myself a fag hag, but I get along better with men in general, gay, bisexual, straight and even FTMs. Sustaining relationships with them is less of a hassle, as opposed to trying to develop and sustain a platonic relationship with other queer women, especially lesbians. Alot of the latter i come across find me a little too eccentric for their liking.
I like you! We're both eccentric.

I agree that guys are easier to get along with but I don't like getting close to straight men. I find that most of them don't take my sexuality seriously, some have hidden agendas or stare too long at your boobs and I don't like the potential drama from their angry girlfriends. I seem to connect a little better with male Dominants and FAs.

Question for everyone though: Do you generally bond better with queer people who are more like you? Say, people who identify as butch might have their own butch brotherhood, while the femmes go shopping and do girly things together. Those of us who also identify as queer before other labels might just prefer the company of others who do too?
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Old 08-06-2009, 06:13 PM   #21
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I've always had a hard time making friends with women, straight, gay or otherwise. I feel a lot more like myself around guys, and feel like there's a lot less "impression management" sort of stuff to worry about--with women, I'm always afraid I'm going to offend them, or be too weird or crude or tell the wrong kind of joke or something. Not that my guy friends are ultra-macho or anything, but they like to tease and play and joke like guys do, so I'm more used to guy type humor and playing. These guys are also great at listening and being sympathetic, too, so I don't miss out on that, either. (
Precisely my experiences. Although I have a fair amount of straight female friends, most of whom don't mind if I flirt with them (albeit in a subtle manner) and actually flirt back since they find it quite flattering that another woman would find them attractive. My straight female friends are very loving and very, very supportive of me, which I find is a rarity amongst my queer female friends.

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Sometimes, because of this, I wish I were more straight, or a gay FTM or something. Sometimes I'm sexually attracted to some guys, but it's just really not what I want. I really want to be with a woman who I can get along with well and feel at ease with. I feel more comfortable physically and sexually with women. My sexual fantasies are at least 99% homosexual. I just wish things worked out with women better otherwise.
What can I say? I feel the same way sometimes. Sometimes I feel I'd rather top a cute hairy bear than a cute gay woman. Because I can't seem to get along with queer women, I find it hard to find that someone who complements me emotionally, physically and sexually. Most of them just fall in only one specific category.
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Old 08-06-2009, 06:25 PM   #22
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Throw in romance and the probability of your best friend dating your ex's ex in a small incestuous community... Not pretty.
Which is why I prefer to date outside my immediate queer circles (Cor : IN isn't really in my immediate queer circles, even though she's part of our women's forum. She's not very active there.).


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I like you! We're both eccentric.
Uh....I like you too??

[QUOTE=Cors;1245397]I agree that guys are easier to get along with but I don't like getting close to straight men. I find that most of them don't take my sexuality seriously, some have hidden agendas or stare too long at your boobs and I don't like the potential drama from their angry girlfriends. I seem to connect a little better with male Dominants and FAs. [QUOTE=Cors;1245397]

Maybe because of my androgyny, my straight male friends take my sexuality seriously. Until of course I tell them that I love watching gay porn, then they get all confused

Angry girlfriends are, I must admit, quite fun to watch. What, they're feeling threatened by harmless little old me?

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Do you generally bond better with queer people who are more like you?
Strangely enough, I bond better with straight guys and girls. I have my brotherhoods with the guys (although when some of them refer to me as their 'brother' or 'bro', it annoys me to no end) and sisterhood with the girls and gay guys (I enjoy the shopping and gleeful ass-watching sessions with them).

Lesbians and other queer women are harder, because I almost always feel like I'm walking on egg shells around them.
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Old 08-22-2009, 11:04 AM   #23
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All three of my most recent (like over the last 5 years) LTR ex gfs were/are Bi.. I think this definitely says something about me! And I get on pretty well with my friends who are lesbian.. Does this make me a "dutch boy"???
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Old 08-27-2009, 07:07 PM   #24
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Last night, one of my fags informed me of a new term he heard: "mo ho."

I really dig it! It sounds so modern and urbane... not at all like me, but... y'know. It rolls off the tongue nicely.
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Old 08-27-2009, 08:41 PM   #25
seasuperchub84
 
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LOL i guess i am a "fag", although I hate the term. I love my big boys though so i guess the term fits :-)
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