Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > BBW Forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-18-2009, 01:40 PM   #26
gangstadawg
the wanderer
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,289
gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by suebeehoney View Post
BBB - you hit the nail right on the head, darlin'! Thank you for your succinct words.

Gangsta...thanks - I'm a good distance from Detroit, though - it seems to be too much to ask to find someone local!
some times its not that easy for various reason.
gangstadawg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2009, 04:24 PM   #27
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,065
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I have hated my body...not MYSELF...for some of the reasons stated above. However, I did realize in my teen years....that not all guys prefer "skinny only". I could see from the trend of girls they dated before and after me that some had "types"...as in some were always trying to get with big breasted/chubby girls. Just like I noticed some guys, my brother and father included, preferred petite women...other men blonds. I didn't need to have deep convos with men to realize that some like bigger ladies- I always accepted that as "just is".

That knowledge gave me confidence in the dating world....but not for my body. I see image after image of thin women being touted as beautiful....and for some of those, skin and bones is all they got...nothing particularly beautiful about them to my eyes. Just realized along the way that thin has always automatically been accepted as more attractive by default....at least in my lifetime.

The problem with feeling myself attractive- I also realized that just because a man might like bigger women....doesn't mean he will automatically find me attractive. Just like I don't find all men of a certain body type attractive- it depends on the individual.

I do see a thicker, curvier woman as being more attractive....but my self loathing of my inner self and having low self esteem beaten into me never allowed me to appreciate the outside. No matter how many guys I dated or boyfriends I had.......they had to keep coming as affirmation of my outer beauty.
I looked in the mirror as a teen and wondered why in hell some guys had called me ugly and teased me in my younger days.....thinking my face looked okay. This made me look deeper and think that there was something really fucked up about me inside....that other people could easily spot even if I didn't see it in the mirror.
Those guys....were flirting...in the way dumb school boys do......but how in hell would I know that as a young girl? I took it in....believed them word for word. It's quite easy to believe the negative things people say about you if you have grown up being treated badly.

And as I grew older...walking around with these thoughts and feelings...I came across men that liked my low self esteem. They had their own issues with it....and they liked how they could make themselves feel "better" than me by some unspoken default.

At this stage in my life now.....I know that I am pretty on some level. This is the most self confident I have ever been....but I still don't love my body. Perhaps it's not *my* idea of beautiful...except...I come here and see other BBWs and can love their figures. Just not my own....

A man I spoke to online recently...I realized that he liked bigger women....but had some issue with it. However, I think what he ultimately had a problem with was my self confidence. He didn't get it......seemed to feel that it was ridiculous that I had some. It's not just the media that can make us feel this way....it's the people we encounter out in society that also twist things....as if it's just a given that we are automatically akin to dog shit. If we don't get that part...then we are even more effed up than previously thought...in their eyes anyway.

I have never fully gotten the notion of seeing myself "beautiful as fat". Not everyone finds fat attractive....just like not everyone finds thin attractive.
A thin woman that thinks she is automatically attractive to everyone- is a fool because attraction is subjective. It's the same with fat women- even if we garner a self image that we are comfortable with and feel attractive physically- it's realistic to keep in mind that we will not be everyone's cup of tea.

Is that me or society? Don't know..........but just letting you know that feeling beautiful is a constant struggle for a woman...particularly a fat one.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"

Last edited by Green Eyed Fairy; 07-18-2009 at 04:31 PM.
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2009, 11:18 PM   #28
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

The other thing that crosses my mind as I think about this is that self-hate is not a phenomenon that's unique to fat women. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2009, 11:24 PM   #29
gangstadawg
the wanderer
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,289
gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!gangstadawg has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
The other thing that crosses my mind as I think about this is that self-hate is not a phenomenon that's unique to fat women. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
correct you got people that hate themselves because of what race they are or what gender they are and list goes on and on.
gangstadawg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2009, 11:58 PM   #30
rollhandler
 
rollhandler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 612
rollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
The problem with feeling myself attractive- I also realized that just because a man might like bigger women....doesn't mean he will automatically find me attractive. Just like I don't find all men of a certain body type attractive- it depends on the individual.
I deal with this attitude on a near daily basis, for many FAs I imagine it is the same thing, people assume that if you find fat women attractive, that by some warped logical extension that we must find ALL fat women attractive. I usually point out to them that they must by their own logic find every thin woman attractive also...... that usually slows em down.
Rollhandler
rollhandler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 03:00 AM   #31
Friday
Not fap material. Bye!
 
Friday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,767
Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!Friday keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
The other thing that crosses my mind as I think about this is that self-hate is not a phenomenon that's unique to fat women. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
Hell no! Not by a long shot. Breast implants, buttock implants, tummy tucks, boob lifts, lower rib removal to make the waist smaller, belly button reshaping, plastic surgery for labia fer criessake! The list is endless and affects women of all shapes and sizes and is spreading to men too. For centuries women have been a commodity. If you wanted to command the best price (snag the richest husband, whatever) you had to shape yourself as near as possible to whatever society decreed the 'ideal' woman was at that point in time. Whether that means reshaping your body, wearing shoes that are hellishly uncomfortable (but sexay), waxing anything or having your nose redone because it's not 'cute'. It's beyond sad, it's a sickness. But it's not one that is particular to women of size.

There's nothing wrong with a nice outfit, a little makeup, a flattering hair cut, but when you start having major surgeries and painful stuff done repeatedly because you can't stand the way you look . It's an illness, but not one limited to fat woman.
Friday is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 07:17 AM   #32
suebeehoney
 
suebeehoney's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Central Michigan
Posts: 81
suebeehoney can now change their title
Default Hmmm

Quote:
The other thing that crosses my mind as I think about this is that self-hate is not a phenomenon that's unique to fat women. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
A truer statement was never made.

I think of the young lady I observed when I was working at a university years ago. She was a mid-size BBW, and probably about a sophomore. Every day after lunch, she would slip quietly into the building I worked in, which was one of the most remote buildings on the campus, with very few occupied offices. She would glance at me as she passed my open office door, and then enter single-stall restroom across the hall from me. A few moments later, the most God-awful retching sounds would emanate from the restroom, and then a short time later, she would emerge and slip quietly and quickly away. At first, I thought she had some sort of stomach flu or something - but after the 3rd day in a row of this, I knew better.

I was torn between approaching her and leaving her alone - but my conscience told me this person needed help. I went to my boss and told her of the situation, and asked her advice. She told me to leave the girl alone, that it wasn't any of our business. I was floored - this girl was slowly killing herself with whatever eating disorder she had - it was obvious she was purging after lunch every day - possibly after every meal. So what to do? Leave her alone, as my boss suggested (and she did so in a tone that indicated no tolerance of my doing otherwise), or approach her in a gentle manner and offer to try and get her the help she obviously needed to end this terrible cycle of eating & purging?

I never got the chance to do either. The young lady in question disappeared from my building after spotting me watching her one day as she entered and exited the restroom across from my office. She never returned, and I have no idea what happened to her after that.

I can't help but think of her from time to time and wonder what level of self-hatred or torment by others due to her weight had driven her to this sort of act.

But it doesn't have to be weight that drives the self-hatred - so many things can cause it. Low self-image or esteem caused by childhood abuse, bullying in school, a parent favoring one child over the other....all can cause such deep emotional damage as to permanently scar another human being and cause them to see themselves as less than acceptable.
suebeehoney is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 02:08 PM   #33
StarWitness
part square, part drape
 
StarWitness's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sexcriminalboat
Posts: 692
StarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Disgust aside, I think there's also a sense of suspicion that arises when you're a fat girl reacting to someone saying that s/he finds you attractive. It's not a preference that we're used to hearing, so there's always the thought that the FA has some kind of ulterior motive.

I keep thinking of this episode of 30 Rock where this devastatingly handsome guy is into Liz, and she can't accept it. I had to look up the exchange they have because it kept popping up in my mind when I was reading this thread:

Liz: Okay, what's your game, friend?
Gray: Game? There's no game. What are you talking about?
Liz: I don't have any money if that's what you're after. And I'm not one of those girls that does weird stuff in bed because they think they have to. If you're a gay guy looking for a beard, I don't do that anymore. And if you're trying to harvest my organs and sell them, I have an uncle who's a cop so don't even try it.

I've been a bit luckier than Liz, seeing as my fate is not at the mercy of a team of comedy writers, but I still tend to be on my guard because I assume that someone thinks I'm an easy lay, or just wants to be mean and fuck with my head.

And, as a FFA, I experience the other side too. I was at Best Buy yesterday and saw this big guy, so I was checking him out. I'm not very good at being surreptitious when it comes to that, so I made eye contact with him once or twice. I was also in a hurry to get what I needed and leave, so that's all that happened, but I started wondering if I made him uncomfortable because he assumed I was staring at him out of some negative reaction. And I was also thinking about how if he had called me out for being impolite, I don't think I would have been able to explain myself. "I'm sorry, I know you probably think that I'm a rude, judgmental bitch, but in actuality, I was looking at you because I think you're attractive." Why the hell would he believe me? I wouldn't believe me.
__________________
Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag. --Homer Simpson

I've always been a guy with a sweet tooth, and that girl's just like a king-size candy bar...
--Sleater-Kinney
StarWitness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 02:50 PM   #34
AnnMarie
✰cuddly and terrifying✰
 
AnnMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Twirly Girl
Posts: 16,296
AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I've known women like this, some frequent these boards and go to events and all... you'd not know from the outside that they are so full of this disgust. They're generally women who want someone who wants them "in spite" of their body, not for any reason that would include it.

It's all a personal choice, and if you're someone who's going to prefer a guy who doesn't want your fat body as well as the rest of you - then I hope they stay the hell away from FAs and leave them for the rest of us who very much want both aspects in their relationship.


I do not feel that way, and never did - when I found out FAs existed I was thrilled and excited about the possibilities. Still am!
__________________
So ... yeah.
AnnMarie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 03:29 PM   #35
steely
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,586
steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StarWitness View Post
Disgust aside, I think there's also a sense of suspicion that arises when you're a fat girl reacting to someone saying that s/he finds you attractive. It's not a preference that we're used to hearing, so there's always the thought that the FA has some kind of ulterior motive.
"I'm sorry, I know you probably think that I'm a rude, judgmental bitch, but in actuality, I was looking at you because I think you're attractive." Why the hell would he believe me? I wouldn't believe me.
But I want to believe... Deep down inside I want to believe, when a man says you're pretty or you have a beautiful smile, you're such a good sweet person. Somewhere inside me it affirms what I silently believe, underneath it all. Then I think of the ulterior motive or he can't possibly mean me. It has nothing to do with him, it's my own head trip.
steely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 03:51 PM   #36
callthatkarma
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3
callthatkarma has said some nice things
Thumbs down Sad!

I've never heard of such a thing!

My last girlfriend knew about my obsession, and she handled it really well. She even put on a few pounds for me!

But I have never heard of someone scolding another because of there preference. That is outrageous.

I am seeing a turn here, though. New TV shows based on larger women that DONT revolve around weight loss, More Celebrities being okay with normal bodies, ect ect. Light at the end of the tunnel perhaps? New thread topic maybe. I doubt i'll see that light for a while.

-Steve
callthatkarma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 03:55 PM   #37
callthatkarma
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3
callthatkarma has said some nice things
Smile Side note!

Quote:
Originally Posted by StarWitness View Post

And, as a FFA, I experience the other side too. I was at Best Buy yesterday and saw this big guy, so I was checking him out. I'm not very good at being surreptitious when it comes to that, so I made eye contact with him once or twice. I was also in a hurry to get what I needed and leave, so that's all that happened, but I started wondering if I made him uncomfortable because he assumed I was staring at him out of some negative reaction. And I was also thinking about how if he had called me out for being impolite, I don't think I would have been able to explain myself. "I'm sorry, I know you probably think that I'm a rude, judgmental bitch, but in actuality, I was looking at you because I think you're attractive." Why the hell would he believe me? I wouldn't believe me.
Just a little thought-

If your making eye contact with someone because you like them, it looks much different then if you are disgusted. So I would safely assume that he wasn't upset.
callthatkarma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2009, 07:54 PM   #38
Teecher
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 191
Teecher can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesTeecher can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default Dig this.

A woman I used to date, would say these words to me just before we were intimate:

"I don't see what you see.?"

She would say this portraying her own disbelief in the fact that I was so into her size and shape. No matter how many times we were intimate.

Can you believe that?


Teecher

Last edited by olwen; 07-19-2009 at 08:09 PM.
Teecher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 12:56 AM   #39
Famouslastwords
Iaintnogoddamnsonofabitch
 
Famouslastwords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Indiana, juss across the border from Kiiintucky in Newburgh.
Posts: 3,182
Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

To be fair some men do lie to their fat wives to make them feel better.

Then again, some don't.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"Larry, like most Australians, has spent some time in prison..."-Bruce Wallaby's World of Wonder
"And I never wanted anything from you except everything you ever had and what was left after that too."

Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls
I'd need to jump to get into a dumpster but that doesn't mean it's worth getting into one.
Famouslastwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 06:59 AM   #40
OneHauteMama
 
OneHauteMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 248
OneHauteMama has super-sized repOneHauteMama has super-sized repOneHauteMama has super-sized repOneHauteMama has super-sized rep
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teecher View Post
A woman I used to date, would say these words to me just before we were intimate:

"I don't see what you see.?"

She would say this portraying her own disbelief in the fact that I was so into her size and shape. No matter how many times we were intimate.

Can you believe that?


Teecher
I can absolutely believe it because that's how I was with my ex husband. I've been told all my life by so many men (including my own brother) that I would never find anyone who thought I was attractive. That no one would want me and that I'd die a virgin and alone. There are only so many times a person can hear these things before they start to believe it themselves. As a fat kid, I was shunned and made fun of. As a fat adolescent, the same thing happened. And as a fat adult...well, you know where I'm going with this.

When I met my ex, I thought that it was proof that everyone was wrong. But, it was a rare occasion that he would even have sex with me, so when he did finally feel the urge, it always felt like he was doing it because he HAD to. No matter if he told me that he loved me (which, I never really believed him anyway) or that he liked my breasts or my cunny (never said he liked anything else...belly, butt...nothing...), it never felt genuine. It never felt "right". And after I gained my weight back and his interest waned yet again, it affirmed it for me that my weight WAS an issue with him, no matter what he SAID.

I know not all fat women have had this type of experience, but I know that plenty have. I was lonely my entire marriage and I still am now that I'm single again. It sucks. And the problem is not that I haven't had any offers...it's that I don't truly believe they are genuine. I understand in a way how a FA can be attracted to a fat woman, but I can't understand how they would be attracted to ME...see what I'm saying? I had a really cute Jamaican guy ask me to call him...I cock-blocked him SO bad because my first thought was "He must need a green card...". Kind of funny, but sadly it's true. For me, personally, a guy can't just be interested in ME...he must have an ulterior motive...because most of the time, they always did. It's easier to take advantage of someone with low self-esteem.

This is the way MY thinking has been. For me, it's going to take a bit of work for me to trust that a guy wants me, adores me, and finds me attractive. I have a friend who is always telling me I'm gorgeous, hot, etc...and although we've been friends for over a year and he's ALWAYS told me this, I find it hard to believe. I let my last relationship die because of my own self-esteem issues. It's self-destructive. He didn't call enough, so he must not love me as much as he says he does...so then it's not worth pursuing anymore. I let someone go who could have quite possibly been the best thing that ever happened to me all because I couldn't believe that he genuinely loved me.

Damn, I need therapy lol.
OneHauteMama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 10:12 AM   #41
Tracyarts
 
Tracyarts's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Just southeast of Houston, TX
Posts: 1,964
Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!Tracyarts keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

"And after I gained my weight back and his interest waned yet again, it affirmed it for me that my weight WAS an issue with him, no matter what he SAID."

This goes both ways.

Actually it goes *all* ways. If a person is strongly invested in one aspect of their partner's physical appearance, and it happens to change (by choice or chance), then it becomes an issue and affects the relationship. Because to their partner, they are not "the same person" that attracted them.

It happens when people gain weight, lose weight, when women have to have mastectomies or get breast reductions, choose to cut their long hair, when people lose their hair, radically change their hair color, get a dark tan, return to a natural skin tone, grow their nails out, cut their nails off, when bodybuilders stop working out or have to reduce their training considerably, etc...

Sometimes it's no big deal at all, your partner just accepts the changes and it becomes a non-issue in the relationship. Sometimes it is a very big deal and winds up being the deal-breaker that ends the relationship. Sometimes, people stay and hope they can get used to it. Sometimes people stay and hope that the change in appearance will revert back to what they prefer in their partner.

It's a universal conflict in a lot of relationships between people of *all* physical descriptions.

Tracy
__________________
My random topics YouTube Vlog:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmA...27t-qZg/videos
Tracyarts is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 03:32 PM   #42
BubbleButtBabe
No one cares anyway
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hellsville
Posts: 1,071
BubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OneHauteMama View Post
I can absolutely believe it because that's how I was with my ex husband. I've been told all my life by so many men (including my own brother) that I would never find anyone who thought I was attractive. That no one would want me and that I'd die a virgin and alone. There are only so many times a person can hear these things before they start to believe it themselves. As a fat kid, I was shunned and made fun of. As a fat adolescent, the same thing happened. And as a fat adult...well, you know where I'm going with this.

When I met my ex, I thought that it was proof that everyone was wrong. But, it was a rare occasion that he would even have sex with me, so when he did finally feel the urge, it always felt like he was doing it because he HAD to. No matter if he told me that he loved me (which, I never really believed him anyway) or that he liked my breasts or my cunny (never said he liked anything else...belly, butt...nothing...), it never felt genuine. It never felt "right". And after I gained my weight back and his interest waned yet again, it affirmed it for me that my weight WAS an issue with him, no matter what he SAID.

I know not all fat women have had this type of experience, but I know that plenty have. I was lonely my entire marriage and I still am now that I'm single again. It sucks. And the problem is not that I haven't had any offers...it's that I don't truly believe they are genuine. I understand in a way how a FA can be attracted to a fat woman, but I can't understand how they would be attracted to ME...see what I'm saying? I had a really cute Jamaican guy ask me to call him...I cock-blocked him SO bad because my first thought was "He must need a green card...". Kind of funny, but sadly it's true. For me, personally, a guy can't just be interested in ME...he must have an ulterior motive...because most of the time, they always did. It's easier to take advantage of someone with low self-esteem.

This is the way MY thinking has been. For me, it's going to take a bit of work for me to trust that a guy wants me, adores me, and finds me attractive. I have a friend who is always telling me I'm gorgeous, hot, etc...and although we've been friends for over a year and he's ALWAYS told me this, I find it hard to believe. I let my last relationship die because of my own self-esteem issues. It's self-destructive. He didn't call enough, so he must not love me as much as he says he does...so then it's not worth pursuing anymore. I let someone go who could have quite possibly been the best thing that ever happened to me all because I couldn't believe that he genuinely loved me.

Damn, I need therapy lol.
I can totally relate to this post. My brothers and others in my life were just as cruel. When people cut you that deep it takes a lifetime to get over it..You build up barriers and no matter what you are told you just do not believe it..It takes time and a lot of action to show us that we are desired and wanted..
__________________
To hurt someone's spirit is to kill their soul...Me

Only two miracles are worth seeing:
The miracle of loving
And
The miracle of forgiving-Sri Chinmoy
BubbleButtBabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 05:21 PM   #43
olwen
Disco Bear
 
olwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: nyc
Posts: 6,966
olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleButtBabe View Post
I can totally relate to this post. My brothers and others in my life were just as cruel. When people cut you that deep it takes a lifetime to get over it..You build up barriers and no matter what you are told you just do not believe it..It takes time and a lot of action to show us that we are desired and wanted..
Action is the keyword too isn't it. How they treat you matters more than what they say.
olwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 07:18 PM   #44
BubbleButtBabe
No one cares anyway
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hellsville
Posts: 1,071
BubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Yes it is...They can talk till they are blue in the face about how attractive you are and how much they love being with you,but until they are willing to take you out and show you off to friends and family,words mean nothing.

If you are with a guy and he does not take you out to eat,the movies,dancing,a walk in the park or any type of family gather then he is not worth your time or energy..If he was so into you and so glad your his lady then why not take you out and show you off to the rest of the world..
__________________
To hurt someone's spirit is to kill their soul...Me

Only two miracles are worth seeing:
The miracle of loving
And
The miracle of forgiving-Sri Chinmoy
BubbleButtBabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 11:13 PM   #45
superodalisque
 
superodalisque's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: atlanta
Posts: 7,580
superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.superodalisque has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

yep, i see hear about it all of the time. some of the language people use is tell tale as to how thier mind wraps around the issue. its a good idea to pay attention to exactly what people say. i totally agree with the example Anne Marie gave about women who want to be loved" in spite of" thier bodies or thier size. there is already an assumption there that there is something ugly about thier body that has to be looked over. i also have an issue with the word acceptance because it also has negative connotations. like you have to accept something substandard about you or somebody else. the language of SA isn't exactly body love. a lot of the negativity too comes in the name of feminism. but thats not true feminism that would limit and negate other women's experiences just because what they may do is something they are personally uncomfortable with. thats just another kind of slavery to ensnare the mind of an individual woman to satisfy women who aren't generally fully comfortable with themselves but would like to appear to be.

i also tend to feel that women who are fat who want to freakify thier fatness have body issues as well. its as though they want to make fun of themselves before others do. they truly already feel they are a freak. they rationalize it as a way to demystify the freakishness. its sort of like black people who go around calling each other nigger etc... it has has good intentions but underneath it all there is and assumption already that someone is the underclass an may always be the underclass. and deep down that maybe he/she IS a nigger or a freak.

i'm always talking about the lack of BBWs who look and act like true world love interests online. i think that also has to do with how BBWs really view themselves and thier bodies and how they feel other people view them as women. they seem to run mainly to two extremes on the web with few exceptions. either they are very raunchy porn objects or sort of cutsey fetishy types. nothing is wrong with either. but i note there are very few who take on that beautiful romantic look of women who truly find themselves desireable as a whole. either way she is only good for sexual appetites. she never seems to be presented as beautiful enough to dream over and lose your heart to. the argument that that is what people want to buy does not fly. its not true in the non FA world because women who market themselves as the love interest type net more income that those who do porn. they do it by always retaining a certian mystery and the longterm respect of thier fans.

re: FAs i think there are two things at work here. of course if a woman finds her own body unattractive she is going to think there is something wrong with a guy who likes it. but you can also say that someone is suspect of FAs because she may not like certian things that come along with that culture--not because she feels there is something wrong with her. for instance, it seems that it is more acceptable for FAs to do or say things to women that are totally outside of bounds in the rest of society. that can be off putting to women who want a relationship. and you also get guys who think women who are fat should take them anyway they come and play the rarity card in order to try and get them to accept bad behavior. they themselves behave as though BBWs are somehow undesireable by men other than themselves. this is not true and does not add to a woman's opinion of herself. then you have what seem to be a large number of, fetishists which depending on the degree, are not really to a lot of women's liking. there is a lot to it and its a complicated subject. so for a woman who has issues already dealing with these things can seemto underscore the negative opinion she already has about her body. that part is not going to change until more FAs who are descent guys who just love women who happen to be fat become more visible and more vocal than the guys who are just fat hunters. i know i had no opinions about guys who were "officially" FAs until i actually met some. i've never had any problems with my body or with dating etc... so i didn't have that prejudice to deal with.

i think that for FAs its important for them to listen when women tell them when certain things are offensive or feel demeaning. and for women i think its important not to be quite as hostile when explaining things to someone who really would like to improve.

Last edited by superodalisque; 07-20-2009 at 11:20 PM.
superodalisque is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-2009, 07:04 PM   #46
luscious_lulu
Boobzilla
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,523
luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I'm fairly new to the world of FA's and fat acceptance. I found out about a Canadian site not quite 2 years ago. On some levels I knew FA's existed, but didn't quite believe it. That is until I joined the curvacious board.

I'm not surprised by the woman's reaction. I know lots of women who are bbw's, but hate their bodies. They dress sexy and put on a good act, but deep down they hate their bodies. They have admitted as much.

I, for one, love my body and more importantly, I like the person I am.

I am who I am and if you don't like it, well, too bad for you! I find not caring about what others think about me liberating. Sadly, I know far too many people (skinny and fat) who are not happy with themselves and live for others praise.

Until we truly love ourselves, body and spirit, we will always have doubt about whether or not a man is really interested in us or if we are "the best that they can get," no matter what our body size/shape.
luscious_lulu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-2009, 09:43 PM   #47
enxtc
 
enxtc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 68
enxtc can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesenxtc can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

I can see myself the same way that woman does and yes I have been with a man that proclaims to be a flag waving FA. After years of being told that he loved me, and he was the one that said it first, I started to let my wall down and believe him. Only to find out, it was all a lie, he didn't love me, he needed a place to live because he couldn't, and still can't support himself.
He came into my life when my self esteem was already down, and he put it down that much further. To him, I was a large body and one of his favorite terms to use, was, he needed a body to "jerk off in".
So, with him being an FA, you would think that he would have helped raised my self esteem, not put in so far down in the ground, that I don't honestly know if I will ever honestly believe what a man tells me again.
enxtc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 08:56 AM   #48
rollhandler
 
rollhandler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 612
rollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teecher View Post
A woman I used to date, would say these words to me just before we were intimate:

"I don't see what you see.?"

She would say this portraying her own disbelief in the fact that I was so into her size and shape. No matter how many times we were intimate.

Can you believe that?


Teecher
This seems to be a human thing more than a fat thing. Since we are numbed to things that we see every single day all day most of us cannot imagine why their body is anything special, or anything more than simply ordinary. This is especially true with someone who is not exactly happy with their body, they just cant wrap their mind around "why me and not somebody else?" The problem here is that we have no ability to see ourselves through somebody elses eyes to understand the WHY. I simply accept that although I don't find myself to be anything more than ordinary that if my partner finds me sexy then, to her, I am. I don't try to see what she sees because it just won't work. She knows why I find her attractive because I tell her all the time, but to find out why I find that trait or traits attractive she would have to be in my mind and see herself through my eyes.

The hardest thing is to accept someone elses point of view when it doesn't jive with your own.
Rollhandler
rollhandler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 09:59 AM   #49
suebeehoney
 
suebeehoney's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Central Michigan
Posts: 81
suebeehoney can now change their title
Default

Quote:
I can see myself the same way that woman does and yes I have been with a man that proclaims to be a flag waving FA. After years of being told that he loved me, and he was the one that said it first, I started to let my wall down and believe him. Only to find out, it was all a lie, he didn't love me, he needed a place to live because he couldn't, and still can't support himself.
He came into my life when my self esteem was already down, and he put it down that much further. To him, I was a large body and one of his favorite terms to use, was, he needed a body to "jerk off in".
"a body to jerk of in"....what a horrible phrase to use to one that you also say "I love you" to.
suebeehoney is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 12:29 AM   #50
BubbleButtBabe
No one cares anyway
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hellsville
Posts: 1,071
BubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by enxtc View Post
I can see myself the same way that woman does and yes I have been with a man that proclaims to be a flag waving FA. After years of being told that he loved me, and he was the one that said it first, I started to let my wall down and believe him. Only to find out, it was all a lie, he didn't love me, he needed a place to live because he couldn't, and still can't support himself.
He came into my life when my self esteem was already down, and he put it down that much further. To him, I was a large body and one of his favorite terms to use, was, he needed a body to "jerk off in".
So, with him being an FA, you would think that he would have helped raised my self esteem, not put in so far down in the ground, that I don't honestly know if I will ever honestly believe what a man tells me again.
I am sorry you met such an asshole..I hope you kicked him out in the street and never looked back..

His comment was uncalled for after saying he loved you. The immature jerk didn't love anyone but himself...It's men like this that turn a lot of women against men and that is why to me actions mean a lot more then words..
__________________
To hurt someone's spirit is to kill their soul...Me

Only two miracles are worth seeing:
The miracle of loving
And
The miracle of forgiving-Sri Chinmoy
BubbleButtBabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:43 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.