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Old 07-18-2009, 11:33 AM   #1
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Default Have any other FAs experienced this?

In reference to a thread I started on the new BBW board called: I had a conversation with a BBW that floored me. I would request that respondents reference that thread for context before answering here.

After getting good responses from the thread it was suggested that if I wanted to know if any FAs had ever experienced this situation, that I ask here on the FA board for feedback from the FAs to assess how common it is from the dating and LTR experiences of the FAs themselves. This makes perfect sense to me to get input from both sides of the coin.

The basic question I have for FAs and FFAs is this; Have you ever dated or met the BBW/BHM object of your desire and had them consider your preference in men/women to be distasteful or disgusting due to its very nature (being turned on by a fat body?) regardless of whether they decided to go foreward with the relationship anyway or not.

I was in a relationship for over 10 years that when it terminated she admitted to me that she thought that not only did she believe that the only reason I told her she was beautiful was because I felt a marital obligation to do so, but that she believed that if it were true that it was a perverse way of thinking. In other words, she didn't believe herself to be beautiful so therefore I must be lying to say so, because only a twisted perverted mind would be attracted to someone as nonbeautiful as she thought herself to be.

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Old 07-18-2009, 01:14 PM   #2
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Yeah I've had this, and it was pretty irritating. He wanted me to want him, but somehow ignore the fact that he was fat. So I'm supposed to ignore the aspect of him that really turns me on, as if it doesn't exist, and become attracted to things that do nothing for me...or else I'm a pervert

I just dumped him - it wasn't worth the effort.
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Old 07-18-2009, 01:25 PM   #3
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I've gone on several dates with rather large women who found it offensive I liked larger women.

However to avoid this disaster, go out with girls that know you like big girls and if they don;t mind....proceed from there.
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Old 07-18-2009, 02:51 PM   #4
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Yep. I went out with a lovely BHM who would have made a great partner apart from the fact he was so down on himself that it got in the way of everything. It didn't matter how many times I told him he was gorgeous, he turned me on etc, he just couldn't see it and wouldn't believe it.
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Old 07-18-2009, 03:20 PM   #5
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Yes it happened to me.
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Old 07-18-2009, 03:54 PM   #6
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No, that's not an attitude or problem I've ever run across.
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Old 07-18-2009, 04:23 PM   #7
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Yes it happened to me.
Would you mind relating the story? It doesnt have to be long or full of details, but the basics would be nice. Thank you
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Old 07-18-2009, 07:14 PM   #8
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For BBWs who truly hate themselves, being admired can be sort of a Groucho Marx "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member" situation.
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Old 07-18-2009, 10:27 PM   #9
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Have you ever dated or met the BBW object of your desire and had them consider your preference in men/women to be distasteful or disgusting due to its very nature (being turned on by a fat body?)
Yes, I have most definitely encountered this. Surprisingly frequently, in fact. At least as often as the opposite; maybe more often.

Not only that they don't like themselves curvy, but are astonishingly hostile towards the appearance of other curvy women (even those who are much less curvy than they themselves are).

It's difficult bordering on impossible to change this attitude in them. And it never really goes away.
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Old 07-18-2009, 11:30 PM   #10
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For BBWs who truly hate themselves, being admired can be sort of a Groucho Marx "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member" situation.
Interesting analogy, thank you.
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:51 AM   #11
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Would you mind relating the story? It doesnt have to be long or full of details, but the basics would be nice. Thank you
As you wish...
I believe it always looks the same, if you uncover yourself as fat admirer(or someone who likes fat girls), you are judged as sick person who is looking for a "fatty" (or fat alone) instead of focusing on her mind/soul/personality/whatever. Let me clarify, it was not said directly to her (that I like fat girls), but rather I expressed how nice she was looking.

The good thing - it happened only once.
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:17 AM   #12
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I wouldn't say disgust comes up so much as confusion at how I personally hold it as a concept.

People either think I'm completely devoid of physical preferences, or that I'm an overly sexual maniac.

I used to always get the "You're so open-minded" line, but I got it more often from talking about being attracted to big women than for explaining it and mentioned that I'm attracted to women ranging from thin to large. I still find it odd when I look back at it.

I still try to be a breath of fresh air where I can.
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:55 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rollhandler View Post
In reference to a thread I started on the new BBW board called: I had a conversation with a BBW that floored me. I would request that respondents reference that thread for context before answering here.

After getting good responses from the thread it was suggested that if I wanted to know if any FAs had ever experienced this situation, that I ask here on the FA board for feedback from the FAs to assess how common it is from the dating and LTR experiences of the FAs themselves. This makes perfect sense to me to get input from both sides of the coin.

The basic question I have for FAs and FFAs is this; Have you ever dated or met the BBW/BHM object of your desire and had them consider your preference in men/women to be distasteful or disgusting due to its very nature (being turned on by a fat body?) regardless of whether they decided to go foreward with the relationship anyway or not.

I was in a relationship for over 10 years that when it terminated she admitted to me that she thought that not only did she believe that the only reason I told her she was beautiful was because I felt a marital obligation to do so, but that she believed that if it were true that it was a perverse way of thinking. In other words, she didn't believe herself to be beautiful so therefore I must be lying to say so, because only a twisted perverted mind would be attracted to someone as nonbeautiful as she thought herself to be.

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My ex who I was with for three years often called me a "weirdo" (half joking) for finding her sooooo hott!.... But even though she was sometimes down on herself she enjoyed that I fancied her....

I've talked to smaller women (obviously with serious body issues), who, when my "FAness" came up in a social situation/conversation, reacted with bizarre hostility! Heads they were exploding!!!I don't date women with those attitudes...
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Old 07-19-2009, 06:42 PM   #14
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This is a great question!

I was in a similar relationship years ago. I met a girl at my place of business, and we hit it off immediately. Less than 3 months after meeting, she moved in with me (with her 2 daughters). Due to being diagnosed with clinical depression, as well as PTSD (she was abused in a previous relationship), she was prescribed Prozac and something else.

In less than a year, she gained well over 105 pounds, (she started in the 130's) and went from a pants size 8-10 to a 18-20. She looked wonderful, or at least I thought so. Every time she went up a dress size, she'd begin to cry as she pulled the new jeans over her fatter butt. I'd stand her in front of a mirror and review every inch of her body, and how I loved it all. She'd act relieved, but I knew she resented that I loved & craved her with every pound she gained.

She went on a diet about a year after moving in, and lost about 90 pounds, and her pants size went down to about a 12. I loved her, and wanted her to be happy, but she still didn't seem to be happy with herself (or me, for that matter). Fast forward 6 months, and she was hospitalized for a surgery that caused her to be home all day for 60 days. Eating quarts of ice cream, snacks, pizza, McDonalds, chocolate and lord knows what else caused her to balloon up to 255 pounds, and size 22-24. This time around, however, she was vocal in her resentment of me for enjoying it. I reveled in her weight gain, she hated me, and blamed me for contributing to it.

I was so confused. I had just purchased a pc, and began to scour the net for understanding. That's how I found Dimensions, and that's how the relationship ended.

She logged online one day, and saw links to Dims, and a few other sites on topic, and called me a sick pervert. All I wanted to do at that time was better understand my attraction, and know I wasn't the only one out there. Yet, she felt that I was crazy for loving her "disgusting fat body" (as she called it), and suggested that I get psychiatric help.

Less than a month later, she was gone, and although I loved her, and didn't want the relationship to end, I understood it would always prove fruitless, and moved on without ever looking back. For me it's been a continuing journey that looks like it will never end, and I'm enjoying travelling along the road.
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:00 AM   #15
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Yes, I've encountered this quite a bit. My ex-wife had it bad, and it was a part of why we split up ( amoung other things).

As much as I am attracted to fat women, it gets tiring always having to bolster up damaged ego/sense of self, if even it can be bolstered up. And its always fun having your sexual preferences derided, scorned, mocked or just plain looked upon as a disgusting perversion, by the very object of your desire/affection.
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Old 07-20-2009, 03:37 PM   #16
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I had that to happen to me also. I met a girl at my 10 year high school reunion. I expressed interest in dating her, and she thought I was a fetishist who wanted to use her. She didn't really understand how I felt or that I liked her when we were in school.

I learned not to express my attraction to fat women right off the bat but to instead let it show slowly.

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Old 07-20-2009, 06:10 PM   #17
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I've had this too. Many years ago, I dated someone who was so objectionate about the idea of fat=sexy that she labeled me a 'saboteur'... My compliments and fat positive statements were seen as an emotional blockade towards her meeting of her ultimate goal of thinness. In her case, the problem was not simply societal pressure or a need to conform to being thin in a general sense... Her employers had made it clear that, although she was qualified and would be eminantly able to do so, she would not progress to the position of Partner of the law firm at the size that she was. My aesthetic declarations were at direct odds with her chances of career progression and it led to multiple disputes. I could not compromise on the fact that I was attracted to her in the form that I met her and my compliments were considered de-motivating. I even aquiesced to a ban of visiting dimensions at the time... she hated the site...

Ultimately, some time after we broke up, she paid a dietician, who apparently gave her all kinds of funky pills and powders. She continues to live by eating 'space food' (her term) to this day and has become thin enough to rise to the position of partner of the law firm.

Outside of internet venues such as this, it can be very tough to find a BBW who does not consider FAs with suspicion/apprehension... at least it was like that in the town I grew up in back in the UK.
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Old 07-21-2009, 04:37 AM   #18
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Her employers had made it clear that, although she was qualified and would be eminantly able to do so, she would not progress to the position of Partner of the law firm at the size that she was. My aesthetic declarations were at direct odds with her chances of career progression and it led to multiple disputes.
I've heard about this and every time feels like a punch in the gut. Surely this is illegal!??!!
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Old 07-21-2009, 05:15 AM   #19
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I've experience this a lot. Most of them that ive met were insecure about themselves. THey took it out on me and blamed me for being disgusting and perverted and told me that something was wrong with me for liking them the way they were. I'm tired of all that now. I don't like being made into something in-human for acknowledging my feelings. I'm not out to hurt or upset anyone but I'd like a little respect for what I like and don't like. I don't like that people feel the need to take their insecurities out on others. I just avoid people like that nowadays if I can.
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Old 07-21-2009, 10:57 AM   #20
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I've heard about this and every time feels like a punch in the gut. Surely this is illegal!??!!
Nope. Well not in the US at least. They're allowed to do that at will.
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Old 07-21-2009, 11:25 AM   #21
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Iím a bit torn on answering this, I guess in essence I need to change the wording. The below is my interpretation of her feelings, not direct quotes.

Iíd say my wife does not consider fat admiration to be a normal, sensible, or justifiable thing. That I like her larger curves she can sort of appreciate, but Iím pretty sure sheíd be more comfortable if I liked the product so much in general that I could overlook the size of its package (Ďitís an acceptable defectí), rather than in part liking the product because the size of the package (Ďitís a feature!í). To her mind it would be a bit like loving that MS-Windows takes up so much hard drive space, there is just no upside, so to prefer that is just weird.

However she likes my product well enough overall to accept this eccentricity (Ďitís an acceptable defectí).
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Old 07-21-2009, 11:28 AM   #22
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Yes, been there.
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Old 07-21-2009, 12:49 PM   #23
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I think the more interesting question is what do we do with this as FA's?

I don't mean to get all Psychobabble but I would have to think that this kind of attitude towards your/our sexual fantasies has to have some kind of impact.

I am a weirdo anyway so it hasn't had much of an effect on me but I would this would be Psyche warping stuff.
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Old 07-21-2009, 12:53 PM   #24
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I think the more interesting question is what do we do with this as FA's?

I don't mean to get all Psychobabble but I would have to think that this kind of attitude towards your/our sexual fantasies has to have some kind of impact.

I am a weirdo anyway so it hasn't had much of an effect on me but I would this would be Psyche warping stuff.
Well, in my case I come to Dimensions, where I can be open about all of this and feel normal. Then I go home and do my best to bury such feelings.

It isn't a 'solution' but it is a way of coping that seems to work for me, and which doesn't have too much cost associated with it.
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Old 07-21-2009, 04:14 PM   #25
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Some have so internalized the idea that their own fat is a contagion that our sentiments become in their minds a sexualization of contagion. It is unfortunate. I certainly don't think the real contagion - in their heads - is attractive at all.
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