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Old 07-23-2009, 01:13 AM   #26
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Its happened once or twice.

Or really weirdly I get the old, "If I lose weight will you leave me?" thing.
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:45 AM   #27
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Yeah I've had this, and it was pretty irritating. He wanted me to want him, but somehow ignore the fact that he was fat. So I'm supposed to ignore the aspect of him that really turns me on, as if it doesn't exist, and become attracted to things that do nothing for me...or else I'm a pervert

I just dumped him - it wasn't worth the effort.

I would have done the same thing.
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:54 AM   #28
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Yes, I have most definitely encountered this. Surprisingly frequently, in fact. At least as often as the opposite; maybe more often.

Not only that they don't like themselves curvy, but are astonishingly hostile towards the appearance of other curvy women (even those who are much less curvy than they themselves are).

It's difficult bordering on impossible to change this attitude in them. And it never really goes away.

Situations like these are generally the result of a life-time of brainwashing. It's like trying to deprogram someone who has been fully indoctrinated into a cult. It can be done but it takes a lot of effort and the one you're trying to help will often, initially anyway, view you as the enemy or the deviant.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:52 PM   #29
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In reference to a thread I started on the new BBW board called: I had a conversation with a BBW that floored me. I would request that respondents reference that thread for context before answering here.

After getting good responses from the thread it was suggested that if I wanted to know if any FAs had ever experienced this situation, that I ask here on the FA board for feedback from the FAs to assess how common it is from the dating and LTR experiences of the FAs themselves. This makes perfect sense to me to get input from both sides of the coin.

The basic question I have for FAs and FFAs is this; Have you ever dated or met the BBW/BHM object of your desire and had them consider your preference in men/women to be distasteful or disgusting due to its very nature (being turned on by a fat body?) regardless of whether they decided to go foreward with the relationship anyway or not.

I was in a relationship for over 10 years that when it terminated she admitted to me that she thought that not only did she believe that the only reason I told her she was beautiful was because I felt a marital obligation to do so, but that she believed that if it were true that it was a perverse way of thinking. In other words, she didn't believe herself to be beautiful so therefore I must be lying to say so, because only a twisted perverted mind would be attracted to someone as nonbeautiful as she thought herself to be.

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I would, indeed, be familiar with a situation such as this, though not personally, or it was never brought up in such a way. Rather, I am used to contemplating about the subject of the preference itself, and not of which leads me to the product of said preference, (I.E. the larger women)

I believe the hardest concept to stand by, as an FA, is that we have a different preference. Because of this, to many, it automatically translates to perversion, due to how far our minds will jump to the extremes of a subject, to only grasp it better, (basic facts of psychology really). Because a majority of people prefer thinner sizes, its not seen as a perversion, for this concept of sexual preference is as close to the ideal of 'normal' that we, as humans, (imho), can comprehend.

FA vs. TA can show us some amazing contrasts to a basic philosophical/phychological representation of normality to minority.

The effects, such as listed here on this thread, is as such a part of this dilemma, and bi-product.

So, even though the girl was of preference to you, our fellow FA, she is still part of society, and as many humans have felt, at least, she yearns to find acceptance amongst most of society, for the natural reason that we, as humans, are a social being, meaning we have to be around other humans, and that we are not supposed to strand ourselves away from such, (though their are ways to break the mind to yearn for opposite affects, as such are exceptions). As such, she can be just as much likely to stand by the stereotypes us FA's receive as much as a thin person could be imagined to stand by them.

Rollhandler, I'm sorry this happened to you, and I wished that it could have turned out differently. Its hard to find minorities in society that are willing to accept our minority trains of thought, including out sexual preference
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Old 07-24-2009, 09:11 PM   #30
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Rollhandler

I would, indeed, be familiar with a situation such as this, though not personally, or it was never brought up in such a way. Rather, I am used to contemplating about the subject of the preference itself, and not of which leads me to the product of said preference, (I.E. the larger women)

I believe the hardest concept to stand by, as an FA, is that we have a different preference. Because of this, to many, it automatically translates to perversion, due to how far our minds will jump to the extremes of a subject, to only grasp it better, (basic facts of psychology really). Because a majority of people prefer thinner sizes, its not seen as a perversion, for this concept of sexual preference is as close to the ideal of 'normal' that we, as humans, (imho), can comprehend.

FA vs. TA can show us some amazing contrasts to a basic philosophical/phychological representation of normality to minority.

The effects, such as listed here on this thread, is as such a part of this dilemma, and bi-product.

So, even though the girl was of preference to you, our fellow FA, she is still part of society, and as many humans have felt, at least, she yearns to find acceptance amongst most of society, for the natural reason that we, as humans, are a social being, meaning we have to be around other humans, and that we are not supposed to strand ourselves away from such, (though their are ways to break the mind to yearn for opposite affects, as such are exceptions). As such, she can be just as much likely to stand by the stereotypes us FA's receive as much as a thin person could be imagined to stand by them.

Rollhandler, I'm sorry this happened to you, and I wished that it could have turned out differently. Its hard to find minorities in society that are willing to accept our minority trains of thought, including out sexual preference
The part I would wish to understand better would be the psycology behind entering into a relationship knowing full well that the person that finds you attractive is disgusting in his preference of you. I cannot understand why a person would want to have a relationship with someone if the attention they paid to you sexually or otherwise was viewed with distaste.

Is this why some fat women enter relationships with guys that trash them emotionally always making snide comments about their size, dieting and feed their negative self image? How can a woman have an ongoing sexual relationship with someone that disgusts them?
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Old 07-24-2009, 10:58 PM   #31
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The part I would wish to understand better would be the psycology behind entering into a relationship knowing full well that the person that finds you attractive is disgusting in his preference of you. I cannot understand why a person would want to have a relationship with someone if the attention they paid to you sexually or otherwise was viewed with distaste.

Is this why some fat women enter relationships with guys that trash them emotionally always making snide comments about their size, dieting and feed their negative self image? How can a woman have an ongoing sexual relationship with someone that disgusts them?
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Well, Rollhandler, I'm said to say that, theoretically, that is one of the biggest reasons why people enter and stay in such relationships.. Because they believe it to be normal, and to have someone point out those flaws in such a manner is to be expected.

Because the alternative, being alone, scares them more on a subconscious level then anything else in this world

I wish it were different, truly I do. But we must make due with this situation, and roll with it. My good man, From the short time I've been on these boards, I've found many like-minded and accepting people here... Maybe you should focus here on women who already understand how your interest works?
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Old 07-25-2009, 06:48 PM   #32
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Well, Rollhandler, I'm said to say that, theoretically, that is one of the biggest reasons why people enter and stay in such relationships.. Because they believe it to be normal, and to have someone point out those flaws in such a manner is to be expected.

Because the alternative, being alone, scares them more on a subconscious level then anything else in this world
This........is truth...for some. I have seen that as a great irony in some relationships.....because being alone is much better than being with someone that looks down on you.

It's so sad......but then again, people have to find out things on their own...just like I did. *shrugs*
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Old 07-26-2009, 08:23 AM   #33
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This........is truth...for some. I have seen that as a great irony in some relationships.....because being alone is much better than being with someone that looks down on you.

It's so sad......but then again, people have to find out things on their own...just like I did. *shrugs*
It sounds like you've walked through life as I have, (though, probably more), and are quite familiar with it.

On a side note, however, I'd love to talk to you some more Fairy, it would seem that we would have many interesting conversations
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Old 08-03-2009, 12:52 PM   #34
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I think the more interesting question is what do we do with this as FA's?

This, plus the original question about why a fat woman would think you are disgusting because you find her attractive, comes up in every FA discussion group I've ever been in. It should be part of a FAQ file somewhere.

An unreasonable suspicion toward someone who values you, and an inability to accept genuine compliments, are often symptoms of extremely low (or non-existent) self-esteem. As Russ2d said above, it is caused by the incessant message that many women hear from the day they are born (often from their own parents) that they are worthless because they are fat. If you didn't grow up like that, it can be difficult to even comprehend what hell some people have lived through. In extreme cases, there is nothing you can do to help the woman unless you are a trained psychologist (I'm not). I advise guys to walk away, admire the woman from afar if you want, but DO NOT get into a long-term relationship with her. I hate to have to say this because the woman is truly an innocent victim in all of this, and she is often quite beautiful, sexy, and fun to be with for short periods of time. However, a person with very low self-esteem will soon sap all of your energy, and destroy a lot of your own self confidence, as you constantly beat yourself up because you can't seem to help her. You will NOT enjoy this, unless you are a masochist or some sort of selfless altruist.

I know because, like Wrench13, I was once married to a woman like this. I tried for 8 years to help her, but couldn't. In the end, she suggested a divorce, because even she could see the futility of our situation. It took me 4 years after that to get up enough confidence to date again, and to begin to understand self-esteem problems.
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Old 08-03-2009, 01:04 PM   #35
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I've never gone on a date ever, but this is a fascinating discussion. I'll be sure to keep this in mind when I do hit the dating scene, to avoid any unnecessary pain or awkward situations.
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Old 08-05-2009, 02:13 PM   #36
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This has been what's happened to me pretty much every time. I've dated a couple of women who claim to enjoy their size but they said or did things on a regular basis that completely contradicted those claims and led me to believe they acted confident to mask their insecurities. Although I'm young I've been "around" enough that I expect this attitude so I'm not disappointed when the topic comes up. Fortunately I'm really good at dodging questions and manipulating conversations in the direction I want them to go so I usually can avoid talking about it all together. I'm sure this makes me come off as an asshole but what sense does it make to be with someone who thinks what I like is gross?
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Old 08-05-2009, 02:52 PM   #37
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For BBWs who truly hate themselves, being admired can be sort of a Groucho Marx "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member" situation.
I haven't read all the posts yet, but I'm right wit you on this one, Chief. I have been one of those BBWs...I dated a guy who preferred big women and it bothered me. I never admitted it to him (or to myself until now, I guess) but I really looked down at him because of it. I didn't like myself for being that size - to me it was gross. And for him to LIKE that? Eww. Needless to say the relationship didn't last long and I came out of it as a meanie. Lesson hopefully learned.
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Old 08-05-2009, 04:40 PM   #38
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I think the more interesting question is what do we do with this as FA's?.
I guess there's just a point where us fatties aren't going to listen and accept your admiration. My suggestion? Perhaps what your partners need is a set of friends who are fat and accepts their bodies, friends who'll be sensitive about your partner's insecurities. For me self-esteem came when I saw other fat women who looked fabulous and thought highly of themselves. Before Dimensions, I really didn't have fat friends who understood size acceptance or talked about fat-related concerns without the conversation turning into some form of body hatred.

For example, I had a friend who hates her knees. She met another woman from Dims who was the exact same body type who pretty much convinced her that there's nothing wrong with her knees. They went shopping together and because they had the same body shape, they were able to help each other out in the dressing room. I mean, little things like that may not seem like much... but it really does help one's self-esteem.
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Old 08-05-2009, 04:55 PM   #39
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I guess there's just a point where us fatties aren't going to listen and accept your admiration. My suggestion? Perhaps what your partners need is a set of friends who are fat and accepts their bodies, friends who'll be sensitive about your partner's insecurities. For me self-esteem came when I saw other fat women who looked fabulous and thought highly of themselves. Before Dimensions, I really didn't have fat friends who understood size acceptance or talked about fat-related concerns without the conversation turning into some form of body hatred.

For example, I had a friend who hates her knees. She met another woman from Dims who was the exact same body type who pretty much convinced her that there's nothing wrong with her knees. They went shopping together and because they had the same body shape, they were able to help each other out in the dressing room. I mean, little things like that may not seem like much... but it really does help one's self-esteem.

I have seen other women, myself included, say this about Dimensions. It's not the "dating" or sexual aspect that boosted them as much as seeing the other empowered, confident, impressive BBW that roam these parts
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Old 08-11-2009, 09:25 PM   #40
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It's not the "dating" or sexual aspect that boosted them as much as seeing the other empowered, confident, impressive BBW that roam these parts
Yes and the empowered confident impressive BBWs often achieve this, despite societies never ending pressures, by finding out that there are men who truly love BBWs...it's all intertwined and different for different women.

FAs need to stick to their guns, be honest, know when to keep fighting, and unfortunately also know when to say enough and move on.
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Old 08-13-2009, 06:34 PM   #41
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Lol Russ....it took me a minute to realize who you quoted. I toss some big old words around at times, don't I?

In all seriousness though.....sure BBW love the attention of the menfolk.
But as a man, did you acquire all your self-confidence/worth from the admiration/attention of women alone? Or were there other factors at work, too, in the "becoming of who you are"?
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Old 08-13-2009, 07:11 PM   #42
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For BBWs who truly hate themselves, being admired can be sort of a Groucho Marx "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member" situation.
Yeah, I'll also give props to this post. Clever and insightful.

I'll pull another (less famous) pop culture quote. There was an episode of 'Seinfeld' where George feared that the woman he was dating actually didn't like him. So he had Elaine find out for him whether she did and the girlfriend ended up giving George this unintentionally back-handed compliment, "I like him....looks aren't that important to me."

George was furious because, "I'd rather she hate me but think I was good looking! That way at least I know I could get somebody else."

So, lots of women might think that, even though you like it, most other men wouldn't. So they'd take it as a compliment locally, but an insult globally.

The one (theoretically) good thing about people here at Dims is that they wouldn't (theoretically) be ashamed of their bodies, so you wouldn't have "no-go" areas as far as the sex is concerned. Theoretically.
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Old 01-01-2010, 03:28 AM   #43
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Yes, I have most definitely encountered this. Surprisingly frequently, in fact. At least as often as the opposite; maybe more often.

Not only that they don't like themselves curvy, but are astonishingly hostile towards the appearance of other curvy women (even those who are much less curvy than they themselves are).

It's difficult bordering on impossible to change this attitude in them. And it never really goes away.
I haven't experienced this within a relationship or from a potential partner, but I have witnessed such comments and behaviour from large women.
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Old 01-01-2010, 04:04 AM   #44
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I think the problem is, most women have only what society and their family have taught them is acceptable as examples. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, neither is kind to them. Take me for instance, I abhorred my weight until I came to dimensions. I only wore jeans (even in the California summers) and 3/4 or longer sleeve shirts all year round. Now I'm comfortable wearing skorts, shorts, skirts, tube and halter tops. However, my family doesn't think I should wear any of this stuff. I have a hard enough time trying to balance my self esteem with society telling me I'm ugly because I'm fat, dimensions telling me I'm beautiful, my family telling me I have "a pretty face", etc. I can only imagine what a girl who doesn't have a resource like dimensions and/or a supportive family must feel, especially with all the scummy guys out there who use fat girls as an easy lay or get with them but want them to lose weight.
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Old 01-01-2010, 04:27 AM   #45
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I think the problem is, most women have only what society and their family have taught them is acceptable as examples. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, neither is kind to them. Take me for instance, I abhorred my weight until I came to dimensions. I only wore jeans (even in the California summers) and 3/4 or longer sleeve shirts all year round. Now I'm comfortable wearing skorts, shorts, skirts, tube and halter tops. However, my family doesn't think I should wear any of this stuff. I have a hard enough time trying to balance my self esteem with society telling me I'm ugly because I'm fat, dimensions telling me I'm beautiful, my family telling me I have "a pretty face", etc. I can only imagine what a girl who doesn't have a resource like dimensions and/or a supportive family must feel, especially with all the scummy guys out there who use fat girls as an easy lay or get with them but want them to lose weight.
Fuck dem haters.

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Old 01-02-2010, 03:22 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
I guess there's just a point where us fatties aren't going to listen and accept your admiration. My suggestion? Perhaps what your partners need is a set of friends who are fat and accepts their bodies, friends who'll be sensitive about your partner's insecurities. For me self-esteem came when I saw other fat women who looked fabulous and thought highly of themselves. Before Dimensions, I really didn't have fat friends who understood size acceptance or talked about fat-related concerns without the conversation turning into some form of body hatred.

For example, I had a friend who hates her knees. She met another woman from Dims who was the exact same body type who pretty much convinced her that there's nothing wrong with her knees. They went shopping together and because they had the same body shape, they were able to help each other out in the dressing room. I mean, little things like that may not seem like much... but it really does help one's self-esteem.
How can I hate my knees ??? I can't even SEE my knees !!
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Old 01-02-2010, 05:23 PM   #47
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How can I hate my knees ??? I can't even SEE my knees !!
Is there anything I can do to help with that?
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Old 01-03-2010, 07:43 AM   #48
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Is there anything I can do to help with that?
Well,when I am seated my tummy covers both knees by a couple of inches,and I have no lap whatsoever,so you would have to feel for them lmao
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:10 AM   #49
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I think the problem is, most women have only what society and their family have taught them is acceptable as examples. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, neither is kind to them. Take me for instance, I abhorred my weight until I came to dimensions. I only wore jeans (even in the California summers) and 3/4 or longer sleeve shirts all year round. Now I'm comfortable wearing skorts, shorts, skirts, tube and halter tops. However, my family doesn't think I should wear any of this stuff. I have a hard enough time trying to balance my self esteem with society telling me I'm ugly because I'm fat, dimensions telling me I'm beautiful, my family telling me I have "a pretty face", etc. I can only imagine what a girl who doesn't have a resource like dimensions and/or a supportive family must feel, especially with all the scummy guys out there who use fat girls as an easy lay or get with them but want them to lose weight.
Yeah, this. Society, family, and friends can really distort your perception of yourself. By the time they had finished with me my perception of the way that I looked was completely warped. When I was with my ex I thoroughly believed he thought I was beautiful and I felt really good about that, but once it was over I concluded that the reason he thought I was beautiful in the first place was because there was something wrong with him. That was when I was still in the mindset that being fat meant I was automatically ugly and was therefore unacceptable and oh, how pretty I could be if only I was skinny. But never until then.

It took really, really hard work to overcome it because, if you are working without resources or a support system of people to back you up, it's a battle of ONE voice against MILLIONS. It started by realizing that God loved me no matter what I looked like, and I took it from there. What I did was actually sign myself up to a TON of BBW personal ad sites and just wait to see what men had to say about me, and the responses rolled in. That showed me that there were people out there who didn't just tolerate the fat because I might have a pretty face, or a great personality. It's been a long mission that has, recently, brought me to dimensions.

With all of it now behind me, a process that took two years in which I have been oh so purposefully and completely single throughout (because when you're working on severe personal issues, you can not possibly be what you should be for another person in a relationship), I'm really excited to someday be with someone again because I think that this total acceptance of myself is going to add to the relationship in a way that was so very, blatantly lacking in the past. How can you really love someone the way that you should and that they deserve if you don't first love yourself, after all?

Sorry for the novel.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:18 PM   #50
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