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Old 07-23-2009, 06:53 AM   #1
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Default Are FA's naturally shallow?

Ok, so I feel that this is like the first serious question thread I have ever come up with, so bear with me if it's all spacey and all over the place.

I don't know where this thought came from, but it just popped into my head last night, and that is that FA's are naturally more shallow then non-FA's. I'm not talking in the generic "oh, they aren't cute enough" way, but I mean in the, if they aren't fat then they can't be attractive way. I completely understand preferences, and no one should go against what they really enjoy or try to like something that they don't truly desire, I'm just wondering if it is the disposition of someone who has one set preference. This can go into anyone who has standards they refuse to break, something as simple as only dating people with a certain hair color could also fall into this category. But I can't help but think that by limiting yourself to only what you find as the ideal is shallowness in itself. I know there are tons of guys on this board who would only date a fat girl, and even if a skinny girl came by with the same personality that they could like for that, they wouldn't because they were skinny. So I'm just wondering, if someone has preferences that they refuse to budge on, does this just make them really picky or shallow to a point? Anyone else have any ideas about this?
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:13 AM   #2
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For me The Fa side of my sexuality is about as shallow as my gender part. In that i really don't have a choice, so if it is shallow, then it is unintentional. I am just not normally attracted to skinny guys. This is not to say i discount them as people. Some of my good friends are skinny guys. I don't think its shallow, i think its part of your sexuality. I get what you are saying though-Shouldn't personality be enough. I think because 'Fa' has not been classed as an out and out sexuality these kind of doubts crop up with us. It would almost seem crazy to ask a gay guy "Is it not a bit shallow that you wont consider women as potential dates".. I think the same goes for Fa's. I agree though that there is an Fa spectrum (like the sexuality one) where some Fa's will only date Fat people and others might date people of different sizes.. Kinna like bi-sexuality.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:17 AM   #3
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From my perspective, I have met some skinny girls with great personalities and thought, well, maybe .. but in the end I know that I am wired to liking fat girls and it'll never go away and that desire is far stronger than it is for thin women. I think it'd be unfair for any thin girl I decided to date, because I know I'd just end up wanting something that just isn't there.

It'd be like a guy who is with a fat girl who simply tolerates her body instead of loving it. As I've been told, it's very different and far more pleasurable, being with an FA over some one who is just overlooking the fat.

That is how it'd be for me with a skinny girl and I just don't think that's fair to the girl.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:18 AM   #4
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I think for many FA's on this board being into fat girls isn't really a choice they've made. In the conversations I've had many have likened it to a sexuality - almost like gay men can only really be sexually interested in and compatible with other male people, that it isn't a choice and so cannot be labeled shallow. Also, relationships are hard. This is an unbelievably obvious thing to say but being in love with somebody's personality alone, no matter how amazing that personality is, will not give you the strength and resolve needed not to stray. You've got to be in lust as well as in love and if your body just doesn't find a thinner form arousing you won't be in lust and then you'll be in trouble. Also, if i were a thin girl and found out that my SO was not attracted to me cos of how I looked but cos I have an amazing personality!!! Well, to be quite honest, I'd be hurt and pissed and a dumping would be imminent.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:21 AM   #5
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i'd argue that the shallowness of fas helps rather than hinders and is self-justifying; there is no drought of men for skinny girls to have their pick. fas who do not identify as bisizual should feel no qualms about turning down someone off the bat for not being their ideal size when there are so many fat people who have yet to even know they're wanted. and then the shit tons of single folks here.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:22 AM   #6
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wow thats a tough question to mull around now that i think of it. Interesting take on being shallow but I can definitely see your points. I cant speak for everyone obviously but as for myself, I have dated and been attracted to thinner girls too. However, now that i think about it the smallest girl I went out with was maybe 160-180-ish so I guess it depends on the persons idea of "thinner" or "larger". I definitely see that range as smaller. If me and a girl connect on a personality level, thin or big, ill at least try to get to know them better to see if something could happen. That being said though, you cant fight nature. Nature has proven time and time again to me that Big Girls is where its at for me.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:45 AM   #7
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I don't really think they're anymore shallow than guys who only like thin girls. It's just preference.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:48 AM   #8
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i actually just kind of tackled this
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:33 AM   #9
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Skinny girls can be the cause of temporary impotence. FA's, in that case everything is ok with you, don't worry.
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:37 AM   #10
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Skinny girls can be the cause of temporary impotence. FA's, in that case everything is ok with you, don't worry.
Can't say i've ever had that problem!
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:40 AM   #11
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Well if you define shallow as honest then yes FAs are "shallow"
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Old 07-23-2009, 10:29 AM   #12
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I don't really think they're anymore shallow than guys who only like thin girls. It's just preference.
Really.

This is kind of a stupid question. Anyone who isn't willing to date everyone based on their appearance is some form of shallow. I don't understand this weird feeling in here that FAs are the only ones with any kind of preference. Everyone is hard-wired to be attracted to something.
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Old 07-23-2009, 10:40 AM   #13
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Really.

This is kind of a stupid question. Anyone who isn't willing to date everyone based on their appearance is some form of shallow. I don't understand this weird feeling in here that FAs are the only ones with any kind of preference. Everyone is hard-wired to be attracted to something.
Honestly I agree with you, I just wanted to get others opinion. Like it really is a question that can be applied to any kind of preference, no matter how simple or precise. So I guess this just kind of asks a completely broader question, is having any preference you don't budge on shallow? I guess I was just trying to give some definition to a very abstract question.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:01 AM   #14
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So I guess this just kind of asks a completely broader question, is having any preference you don't budge on shallow?
Well everyone is some definition of shallow and it's not really anything to be ashamed of. However, if you're shallow to the point where you only think you deserve the best and your ideal mate I consider it to be more an issue of immaturity and stunted intellectual growth. Like an fa who thinks they are entitled to a 500+ pound mate or a specific shape and will leave anyone who tries to lose weight.

I think there's a huge problem with men in society who ridicule any woman who doesn't fall into their standard and treat women they aren't attracted to as not being worth their time. I see it here with fas and I see it elsewhere. The only difference is here I feel that men think they can get away with it because they're attracted to something different. As if we're supposed to applaud someone when he describes a thinner woman as being unattractive.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:58 AM   #15
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you guys need to work more menial labor. regular guys are just as shallow, they just don't use this internet forum to whoop and grunt about it.

if you're attacking shallowness as a whole; cool. but it's not fa-specific. or even centralized.
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Old 07-23-2009, 12:15 PM   #16
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Yeah, I'm agreeing with furious and fffff here.

Guys who date thin girls because that's what they're attracted to are just as shallow. How many guys attracted to thin girls turn down fatties with great personalities? Plenty.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that either.. I'm not saying that. Physical attraction is important in a relationship and I'd rather have a guy turn me down for being fat than simply overlooking it because my personality is good enough. It's so rewarding being with someone who truly digs your body.

Anyway, anyone who has a preference is "shallow" to some extent and since everyone has a preference.. well, yeah, connect the dots. We're all somewhat shallow (although I'm not so sure that's the right word.. it sounds so harsh.)
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Old 07-23-2009, 12:21 PM   #17
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no, but those with such exacting standards regarding physical features without willing to bend a little, yeah that is shallow. it's okay to have an idealized image of the perfect partner, but when you nitpick on the little details, that's a bit wacky. lower the gate to the fortress and let a real person enter.
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Old 07-23-2009, 12:31 PM   #18
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no, but those with such exacting standards regarding physical features without willing to bend a little, yeah that is shallow. it's okay to have an idealized image of the perfect partner, but when you nitpick on the little details, that's a bit wacky. lower the gate to the fortress and let a real person enter.
I don't think "fat" or "thin" is really a detail.
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Old 07-23-2009, 12:35 PM   #19
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yes, but people have ideals on this website that are totally ridiculous. I also don't think the finding someone through a specific website regarding certain physical attributes is asking for trouble. it's not like some type of common interest.
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Old 07-23-2009, 12:40 PM   #20
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yes, but people have ideals on this website that are totally ridiculous. I also don't think the finding someone through a specific website regarding certain physical attributes is asking for trouble. it's not like some type of common interest.
Yeah, but this thread isn't dealing with those ridiculous ideals.. Knottyone said FA's.. so.. fat. I don't think that's exactly a ridiculous ideal.

Also, do I really need to mention that plenty of couples have met here on Dims and other fat-related websites? I don't think it's asking for trouble.
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Old 07-23-2009, 12:53 PM   #21
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Being shallow isn't bad, in fact it is MUCH better than the alternative. Being in a relationship with someone who you aren't terribly attracted to sexually (and mentally/personality/whatever) is a much more asshole move than politely declining someone who isn't your type in some way.
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Old 07-23-2009, 12:58 PM   #22
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There are people who are FAs, there are people who aren't, and there is a whole range of people who fall in the middle. I think it depends on where you fall between these two types and your motivation for turning down a girl that is (at least partially) dependent on where you land in this range.

If someone is a FA, is it really that shallow to turn down a larger guy or gal knowing it'd be unfair to that person to express interest because you can't give them the physical adoration they deserve? I don't think so. It's that motivation that is very variably dependent, and is the reason why it's not clear cut whether turning someone else down based on preference is shallow.

Edit - Yeah, pretty much what The Orange Mage said is what I'm getting at, heh.
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Old 07-23-2009, 01:12 PM   #23
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I don't think being an FA has anything to do with wheather you are shallow or not. Shallow people are only interested on what's on the surface. So there are shallow FA's and FA's that aren't.

The surface might be beutiful but if there isn't anything underneath no amazing spirit or mind then I'm not interested.
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Old 07-23-2009, 01:50 PM   #24
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Shallow... I would not saw shallow, I would say picky! However all guys and girls for that matter have some sort of idea of what they like are do not like. If that makes someone shallow then we are all accused of it. From a relationship point of view, and from a SSBBW's point of view, their is certain comfort in being able to watch TV, and movies and know that the naked chicks and pretty "model" types don't hold a candle to what your boyfriend, significant other feels and thinks of you. Now going to Wal-Mart and Target is another whole thing... Wondering to self why are we fat chicks always in those stores?
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Old 07-23-2009, 01:57 PM   #25
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Well there are some nuances here.

Some people are limitted in their sexual attraction. They can simply only be sexually aroused if a certain element is there, be it size of a partner, gender of a partner, or an outside element such shoes or golden showers or erotic weight gain or feet. That is just how they are wired. It is not about choice.

Sexual arousal is different from choice in friends. There is a huge difference between "I am unable to sexually aroused unless looking at or thinking about a female body which is 400 pounds or over" and "I believe any human being who is not a female weighing over 400 pounds is not worthy of respect." You can love, respect, care about, and enjoy spending time with somebody absent of sexual attraction.

I also believe that sexuality can be somewhat dynamic; I think it's possible for the entirity of a lifetime to be surprised at what you can *suddenly* be attracted to. A committed heterosexual can suddenly become bicurious and an FA can no doubt meet a skinny woman who he inexplicably finds himself attracted to. Several fat women have written about partners who were not FAs and had never been with fat women before them but found themselves inexplicably attracted to a fat woman.

Postings on this site have included FAs who were no longer attracted to partners who lost weight and FAs who said that post weight loss they were still attracted to their partner. Again ther are an infinite number of nuances here; it has to do with the chemistry between partners and other aspects of the relationship.

I've had two BHM sex partners who lost weight. In one case my reaction was I thought he was still sexy, smart, funny, handsome, interesting and worthy of admiration as a man, but I was less physically attracted. In the other case, merely due to sexual and personal chemistry, my sexual attraction did not decline even a little and the existing chemistry actually made me seek out the beauty and attraction in his new body such as admiring new muscle tone and how a thinner face made his eyes stand out more. The only difference was intangible chemistry with one partner.

Does the above make me shallow? I dont' think so.
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