Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > FA/FFA forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-24-2009, 10:58 PM   #51
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,106
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I don't think any man is shallow just because he looks at me, or other women, and is sexually attracted to us for whatever physical reason.

I don't think a man is shallow if he doesn't find me, or any other particular woman, physically attractive.

I do start thinking he's shallow, though, when that seems to be all he cares about.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 01:15 AM   #52
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I don't think any man is shallow just because he looks at me, or other women, and is sexually attracted to us for whatever physical reason.

I don't think a man is shallow if he doesn't find me, or any other particular woman, physically attractive.

I do start thinking he's shallow, though, when that seems to be all he cares about.
Thank you. You've expressed exactly how I feel in many fewer and clearer words. (Look! There's even an oxymoron in my last sentence! How DO I do it? )

Seriously. What GEF says.
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 01:43 AM   #53
frankman
The Eternal Cowboy
 
frankman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 2,467
frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I don't think any man is shallow just because he looks at me, or other women, and is sexually attracted to us for whatever physical reason.

I don't think a man is shallow if he doesn't find me, or any other particular woman, physically attractive.

I do start thinking he's shallow, though, when that seems to be all he cares about.
That just about wraps it up.
Great post.
__________________
FNORD
frankman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:27 AM   #54
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
I think this "shallow" attitude stems from a number of different myths:
Myth - 1)
The false dichotomy of mind/body - that "you" are not *really* your body, but something else that "happens" to inhabit your body... This dualism is formalised and given mainstream acceptance in religion. Humans are "monads" - mind/body = "one thing"! The sooner folks "get" this, the better for all IMO.
Strongly allied to this / a subset of this false dualism is the myth (1a lol! at self) That fat is somehow "alien" and "separate" and "other" and not actually PART OF YOUR BODY! Sure, no-one is *just* their fat - but fat *is* PART of you - in an entirely holistic sense... so many anti-fat ranters and sadly, big folks themselves, speak of their fat as being a "thing" which they are somehow divorced from... this is a fundamental cognitive disconnect in a similar way to someone who wishes to amputate a body part before they feel "right" in themselves....In this sense - the main difference between the person who wishes to amputate a limb and the person who wishes to "amputate" their fat, is that the first idea is considered horrifying by mainstream society and the latter is considered marvellous and wonderful and the right thing for everyone to do...
Yes, Monsieur Leibniz a la monad. Fat folks wants more talking to about how they should feel about their bods. Low-brow invective be damned! We need a philosophically grounded analysis of why it is we don't know what's good for us.

OK. I don't want to be snarky. I can appreciate a lot about your post and your position. But...

This may surprise you, but there are plenty of fat people who are enlightened and schooled enough to understand a thing or two about what it means to be fully human. That means that we live our lives as fully realized human beings not miserable in our fat bodies, that we are achievers, that we're talented, that we manage to negotiate our lives as anyone else does without succumbing to or buying into the nonsense dogma about fat that is oppressive to EVERYONE, not just those of us who happen to be fat. Many of us feel downright LIBERATED in our fat bodies. It's the rest of the world who's struggling to catch up, the way I see it.

The pressure to be fat is no different than the pressure to be thin. Some of us have a difficult time accepting that we should be content knowing that a person we love and who claims to love us is apt to leave us the instant we--for a host of real human reasons that have nothing to do with being willful or hating ourselves or caving in to popular standards--need to drop more than 20 lbs. It's not because we're stoopid or have been brainwashed into hating ourselves. It's because, in life, shit happens sometimes. Weathering that shit together is part of what's involved in pair bonding. So really, it's a question of being allowed to be human, of having our full humanity acknowledged. Those that aren't capable of doing that should simply be very frank with themselves and with their potential partners, lay it out like mature adults from the start. That seems fair, doesn't it?

To call for unqualified acceptance of an "I'll be with you in good times, but you're on your own when I've stopped having my fun" mode of behavior seems to me misguided. And that's what you're doing when you don't acknowledge that, indeed, just as with any other demographic, there are extremes of FAness that tend to render as "shallow" when all is said and done--just as there are extremes of thin-nophilia that are shallow in the sheer ideological resistance to the fact that humans aren't "perfect," that people change, gain and lose weight (just for starters) all the time--and not always of their own will. I tend to think the OP was struggling with the question, really looking at the implications of the preference when taken to its extremes, rather than outright asserting that FAs are all categorically shallow. That CLEARLY isn't true. I KNOW that the distribution of "shallow" and "deep" among FAs is about the same as with any other demographic. (I also happen to be in a relationship with an amazing guy who adores fat women.) So isn't it OK to keep an eye out on our behavior, to explore our values among others like us here?

I'll also add that I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences with some of the women you've been involved with. It also sounds like you've had some very positive experiences. Isn't that just part and parcel of life for everyone, regardless of their size or preference for size?
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|

Last edited by Fascinita; 07-25-2009 at 04:39 AM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 12:20 PM   #55
fffff
 
fffff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 187
fffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
Your analogy needs tweaking -

Try to imagine that your bf decided to cut off his legs. His finely muscled, strong functional legs (say) that you'd adored as an integral part of him from the moment you met...

Imagine that he did this thing because he wanted to fit in with a mainstream society that held amputation to be the "ideal"....
Imagine that he did this bit by bit...
toes first, (and you're like... ok I can deal with that, it's fine)
then a bit later feet, (and it's starting to freak you, but you can deal)
then to the knees (and now you're crying inside, every time you lose a bit more of him)
and so on, unto stumps of thighs...

Imagine he did that... deliberately...
Imagine he did that despite knowing from your first meeting that you adored him exactly as you found him...
Imagine the angusish and worry you'd feel as he went through this dangerous and fundamentally altering process....
Imagine how ****** ALONE you'd feel as everyone, his friends and relatives and colleagues lauded and praised his "progress" at every opportunity...
Imagine how disgusted you'd feel at a world of people who praised your lover for making *this* change FAR more than any of your lover's other pretty damn awesome achievements and wonderful qualities...
Imagine how angry you'd feel at a world of people who "brainwashed" / abused your lover from their childhood with the idea that amputation was a requirement for true value as a human, to the point your lover CHOSE to change themselves THAT much....

Guess whose never had a weight problem.....

Imagine now that your partners leg was infected and spreading toxins to the rest of his body. The only way to reserve any quality of life for him was to have his gorgeous, yet detrimental leg amputated.
You can bet I'd damn well be supportive and wouldn't bitch and bemoan the lack of a leg.

Fat is not always a health issue but sometimes it damn well is. Speaking as someone who at one point in my life was extremely overweight comparing weight lose to cosmetic amputation is repulsive.

You should be ashamed for the complete lack of empathy you've just displayed for the women you claim to admire.

Even if your former girlfriend's health wasn't at risk, you don't know what it's like. You don't know how it feels when people look at you wish disgust in their eyes. You don't know what it's like to want to go out with other people but be worried that their might be too much walking or other physical activity. You don't know the shame of being ridiculed because of your weight.

And that isn't some made-up hypothetical fantasy world where amputation is considered beautiful, it's the fucking reality of now. So if you want to use that comparison, or bemoan any loss of weight as being some stupid societal pressure, please remove your head from your verbose ass and read what some of the woman here have to say.

Last edited by fffff; 07-25-2009 at 12:35 PM.
fffff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 02:06 PM   #56
Scorsese86
Likeable conservative
 
Scorsese86's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Sogndal, Norway
Posts: 3,179
Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Scorsese86 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I don't know if a FA is more shallow, really. I mean, there have been a few crushes I've had on thinner girls, but I am more attracted to larger girls. I think Angelina Jolie and Amy Adams are gorgeous as hell, and they're far from fat. And I don't know them either, like the girls I've had crushes on. Yes, I find it more attractive if the girl has a sizeable belly, but that's not all. When it comes to a serious romance, it's the whole person that counts. Yes, I prefer larger, but if I am together with a slimmer girl, I wouldn't fatten her up to find her more attractive. Personality is a must. Do I make sense? Probably not. Am I shallow? Don't know, but I don't feel shallow.
__________________
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Scorsese86 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 03:16 PM   #57
joswitch
Exile from Main Board
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,704
joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
I tried to imagine my boyfriend alone in the wilderness with his legs caught under a boulder. It was very dramatic and I got carried away. Nearly started crying! Then I imagined his having to tourniquet and cut off his legs in order to try to crawl for his life to where he might have a chance at being found and rescued. Then I imagined that he had made it! Hurray! Thank goodness.

Then I tried to imagine me looking at his self-amputated legs and thinking, "God, can I "get it up" for boyfee again?" And I just can't. All I can think of is, "He did what he had to do for his own good, and I'm grateful he's still around."
Well I'm glad you actually had a go at the thought experiment! - and yeah if you felt like crying you're getting some of the idea of how I felt...

BUT (and it's a BIG but, no pun intended)
That you chose to use a
1) sudden, catastrophic,
2) life-threatening situation in which
3) amputation was compulsory if his life was to be saved
changes the way it feels beyond comparison though...

I'd like to invite you to re-imagine the scenario from the point of view of choice motivated by cosmetics / conformism.

One of the things I really struggled (not to feel all hard done by) with was that from my P.O.V. it seemed to me that she chose what she did largely to placate other people, who had been abusive to her / didn't love her.

As she put it she needed to feel good about herself when she WASN'T with me, too....

My ex gf chose what she did (and is still doing - that's a YEAR of close to starvation - btw) in large part* to "fit in" with society / her self-image**. Not because her life /health was in danger.

(*not solely - some of it was to do with improving her fitness... but frankly just two months in, having cut out all booze, swimming twice a week and just 30lbs down from her top weight she happily walked 3miles with me to a nearby village and back again the following day. That 3mile journey talking about 50mins... That's not someone who's "out of shape", nor "mobility restricted".
At that time she was no-where near the "danger zone" of losing 20% or more of her body weight, see below, and so I wasn't worried for her health at that time...

**strongly influenced by a lifetime of sh*t from the people around her. )

Quote:
For some fat people, losing weight is not just a cosmetic choice.
True. For some.
For instance if your weight has immobilised you there is no doubt that you are at risk from bed sores / cellulitis (tissue infection) that is both excruciatingly painful, potentially fatal and difficult to treat... In such a situation where weight loss is a prerequisite to *any* movement - i.e. before aqua physio can be brought to play to (re)-build that persons musclature - then yeah I'd agree, that's not a cosmetic choice AT ALL. I'd strongly disagree with most physicians first choice interventions in these iinstances (see below) but that's for another thread.

But many, and I'll go out on a limb and say MOST people who are dieting / trying to lose weight aren't doing it for their health. Including millions who've been misinformed that dieting is good for them! When in fact it's harmful. (see below)

Of those women I known who were dieting - particularly ex-gfs - all were starving themselves smaller for cosmetic reasons.

And one of the things that really p*sses me off (partly on behalf of those women) is that many women are doing insanely dangerous things to try and fit into this false BS mould that society has made for them. I can count at least a dozen girls I know who specifically SMOKE to try and keep their weight down. I can point to a bunch of instances when women in their low-mid 200lbs range have gone in for WLS (the surgery alone has FOUR TIMES the death rate as a heart bypass!) I remember at least one article where a woman died getting WLS, leaving a husband and child grieving... she weighed 224lbs... In the first month my ex-gf was on her extreme diet there was an article in the paper about one woman who died due to her adherence to same... (consumed too much water - a big part of this "regime", some legit scientific reasons for this, but requires great care - the woman in question screwed her electrolyte balance = fatal)

Now here's the reason I put in the phrase:
Imagine the anguish and worry you'd feel as he went through this dangerous and fundamentally altering process....
I should have made more of this in my scenario.
I've been digging deep into the actual research for months now (and I'm qualified to critique it, too) and the truth is that "overweight" / "obesity" is not the OMG DEATH FATZ that Big Pharma / Most Medics / Politicians / Media would have us believe... And dieting (i.e starving) is not beneficial to health. It's HARMFUL.

(Aside: I'm really surprised that this isn't more widely known here on DIMS... I've been reading a lot of the "Fatosphere" blogs (Kate Harding's Shapely Prose and the like) and it seems to be common knowledge over there.)

Hence a good portion of my anguish was worry about my then-gfs health being destroyed by the choice she had made

The balance of *reputable* research shows dieting/weightloss is BAD for
health. Furthermore, weightloss (of >= 20% body mass) has been demonstrated to reduce lifespan
- see my OP & research references in thread -
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=60961

Dieting is phsyiologically and mentally damaging to the human body.
Here's more evidence plus the HOW and the WHY!
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...31#post1235031


(Which is a summing up of this earlier thread - which let's be honest got
waaaaay too sciency for most folks!
A science based response to the weightloss pusher's mantra "Calories
In=Calories Out"
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=61164)



Quote:
And in any case, a person who has an overwhelming need for a certain physical charasteristic in order to maintain an attraction should make it clear to everyone she or he gets involved with that this is the case. That way the potential partner knows what he or she is getting into, knows the depth of the person's ability to commit seriously and for the long term.
Aha! I see our disconnect on the "shallow" issue here! Eureka!

You're talking about depth of COMMITMENT.
'Cos (I guess) that's what YOU value most highly.
I'm talking about depth of FEELING.
'Cos that's what I value most highly.

Now I see!

I don't see how it's possible to "guarantee" you'll always feel the same way about someone. You don't have control over your feelings. And feelings are difficult to predict. I'm fairly at ease with the idea that from one day to the next someone can change her mind about me (although damn! that hurts).
Sure you can "guarantee" to STAY with someone no matter what.

But why? Why would anyone stay in a situation that makes them unhappy, unless they have no choice? I wouldn't want any woman to stay with me if she was no longer attracted to me. The idea actually freaks me out. I don't want to be anyone's "pity-partner".

The full stop to my last realtionship was that we came to the mutual conclusion that it wasn't possible for us both to be happy at the same time. So this sucked out the possibility of HOPE from our future. We both felt we'd be better off trying to find someone else.

Quote:
This is all I'm saying: yes, there are some who are shallow and some who are not, just as with any demographic--and since it's the case that some have a "make it or break" need for a certain physical characteristic in order to remain attracted, that should be made clear to any potential love interest.
Yup. I do this. Did. In fact, right from the get go with last relationship.
We both kinda knew it was doomed from the start.

On the one hand I'll almost certainly continue to do this "'fessing up(front)". Not least cos I want to avoid going through "dieting hell" again...

But on the other hand, it does feel kinda "off"....
To pick out a few preferences so mainstream they are cliche:
No-one out there who is "wired-to-want" say: TALL people.
Or guys with deep voices.
Or (in our current western society) THIN people.
Feels they have to go into an "explanation" of how if that person chose to change that it'd be a deal breaker...
Those people just ASSUME that won't change!

And (taking a trip to the absurd for the sake of debate) no-one has a go at women for being sinister and shallow for loving men - cos don't you know that men don't live as long as women? Truth! It's not as "healthy" to be a man... unless you're castratii! And no-one's out there advocating that as a health benefit!


Quote:
This has all been "just hypothetically" speaking. And I do understand and support anyone's desire to go after what makes them happy in life, as long as it's done in a considerate manner where the happiness of another human being is also at stake.
Surprisingly, my ex says she got a fair bit of postitivity out of dating me (including re. her body image)....
And more surprising still we are still friends....
So I guess my efforts to not be a total asshole were not entirely in vain....
__________________
...
joswitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:06 PM   #58
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
I don't see how it's possible to "guarantee" you'll always feel the same way about someone. You don't have control over your feelings. And feelings are difficult to predict. I'm fairly at ease with the idea that from one day to the next someone can change her mind about me (although damn! that hurts).

Sure you can "guarantee" to STAY with someone no matter what.

But why? Why would anyone stay in a situation that makes them unhappy, unless they have no choice? I wouldn't want any woman to stay with me if she was no longer attracted to me. The idea actually freaks me out. I don't want to be anyone's "pity-partner".
Really? So you're someone who never sees yourself marrying or making a commitment to build a life together with someone?

Then I'd say you're in a minority.

Good for you on choosing to be perfectly frank with your partners about your preference. That's all I think is required. When depth of feeling depends on the state of a body's appearance, then of course it's not possible to commit for the long term. Changes happen--that's a constant--sometimes voluntary, sometimes not. Aside from that, in a state of perfect instability in pairing, such as you propose, anyone can change her mind about being with her partner the minute someone more ideal, or who provokes more "feeling," walks into the picture.

By the way, this as I see it is an issue that applies to all people, FA or not. If I were thinner or taller or blonder, I'd still want to know if a potential partner was apt to leave me when my appearance changed.

I think we're in agreement at last! Annnnnnnnd... I appreciate and agree with some of your explication of how the pressure to be thin affects everyone. (It does affect everyone, including the non-fat: After all, if you're going to be upset at a fat person who loses weight, why not be upset at a thin person who REFUSES to gain weight? )
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|

Last edited by Fascinita; 07-25-2009 at 04:11 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:08 PM   #59
frankman
The Eternal Cowboy
 
frankman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 2,467
frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Is it just me or is the entire "amputate stuff" analogy a little over the top?
__________________
FNORD
frankman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:15 PM   #60
AnnMarie
✰cuddly and terrifying✰
 
AnnMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Twirly Girl
Posts: 16,296
AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by frankman View Post
Is it just me or is the entire "amputate stuff" analogy a little over the top?

Not just you, but it started wayyyyy up with accidental loss of limb.


I just can't believe there's still no ability here to see the major difference between life changes of age/time/expected variances in weight, etc... and major life changing body alterations in EITHER direction.

If the moral of this thread is that I (and all those nasty, awful FAs who like fat women) have to admit to being shallow for knowing full well that my relationship would be effected (and possibly not survive) by a 100lbs or more weight change, then I guess that's how it is. Clearly, because of that, I'm incapable of loving someone deeply, being committed, and being in a sustained, meaningful, supportive, long-term relationship.

At least now I have a reason.


FFS.
__________________
So ... yeah.
AnnMarie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:17 PM   #61
joswitch
Exile from Main Board
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,704
joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
Yes, Monsieur Leibniz a la monad. Fat folks wants more talking to about how they should feel about their bods. Low-brow invective be damned! We need a philosophically grounded analysis of why it is we don't know what's good for us.

OK. I don't want to be snarky.
S'okay. I can handle a little snark.

Quote:
I can appreciate a lot about your post and your position. But...

This may surprise you, but there are plenty of fat people who are enlightened and schooled enough to understand a thing or two about what it means to be fully human. That means that we live our lives as fully realized human beings not miserable in our fat bodies, that we are achievers, that we're talented, that we manage to negotiate our lives as anyone else does without succumbing to or buying into the nonsense dogma about fat that is oppressive to EVERYONE, not just those of us who happen to be fat. Many of us feel downright LIBERATED in our fat bodies. It's the rest of the world who's struggling to catch up, the way I see it.
YES! YESYESYESYES! Entirely agree!
I have met some women with this attitude! *waves at you if you're reading*
And I hope to date someone who feels that way one day!

My "4 point" post (lol!) in large part was addressed to an "anti-sexuality-as-emotionally-valid" theme in OP and that I've seen all over these forums and others lately.... Also a prevailing idea that FAs should feel "bad" for being what they are....

Quote:
The pressure to be fat is no different than the pressure to be thin. Some of us have a difficult time accepting that we should be content knowing that a person we love and who claims to love us is apt to leave us the instant we--for a host of real human reasons that have nothing to do with being willful or hating ourselves or caving in to popular standards--need to drop more than 20 lbs.
Well poetic licence and all, but in my defence, I'm not THAT inflexible! (6months and 90lbs and it was to do with "fitting in". And I hung on in there 'til I was well ****ed up in a whole bunch of ways.)
But I can see you're exaggerating to convey how it feels to YOU (which is what was doing earlier with the "legs" analogy) so yeah, onward...

Quote:
It's not because we're stoopid or have been brainwashed into hating ourselves. It's because, in life, shit happens sometimes. Weathering that shit together is part of what's involved in pair bonding. So really, it's a question of being allowed to be human, of having our full humanity acknowledged. Those that aren't capable of doing that should simply be very frank with themselves and with their potential partners, lay it out like mature adults from the start. That seems fair, doesn't it?
I don't agree that my choosing not to "stick it out" with my ex somehow failed to acknowledge her full humanity. My attempts to talk to her on the subject (then and now) always acknowledged that it was her body and her choice - because she is a human being worthy of respect and self-determination. In all that was said between us, I never expected her to change course for me and I would've been hella shocked if she had chosen to do so.

I do agree with the idea that potential partners ought to know of my orientation as FA. And that I am "limited". If you like. So that they have a free choice re. whether or not to get involved with me.

(I practised what I'm preaching here with my most recent ex btw)

Quote:
To call for unqualified
Hmmm... I'm pretty sure I qualified my points "out the wazoo"...

Quote:
acceptance of an "I'll be with you in good times, but you're on your own when I've stopped having my fun"
A large part of what I was trying to convey was that sex ain't JUST fun... but that sex and sexuality are in themselves central & powerful in love and that being with someone who I truly desire makes me feel whole and simultaneously ego-annihilated in myself ....

OneHauteMama said it well over on the BBW board in regard to how she feels as an FA when she hugs and holds a BHM -
".....my heart is full....."

This.

Quote:
mode of behavior seems to me misguided. And that's what you're doing when you don't acknowledge that, indeed, just as with any other demographic, there are extremes of FAness that tend to render as "shallow" when all is said and done--
Well, I feel you've drawn my points into a reductum absurdum.... So I kinda agree with what you're getting at, but disagree with you that I was doing that... I wasn't trying to speak for all FAs everywhere. Just to voice and contextualize my own feelings. In a way that I hope(d) would connect with others who have either felt the same (or different).

Quote:
just as there are extremes of thin-nophilia that are shallow in the sheer ideological resistance to the fact that humans aren't "perfect," that people change, gain and lose weight (just for starters) all the time--and not always of their own will. I tend to think the OP was struggling with the question, really looking at the implications of the preference when taken to its extremes, rather than outright asserting that FAs are all categorically shallow.
Yeah, hence my disclaimer right at the top of the "4points" post. OP was entirely reasonable.

Quote:
That CLEARLY isn't true. I KNOW that the distribution of "shallow" and "deep" among FAs is about the same as with any other demographic. (I also happen to be in a relationship with an amazing guy who adores fat women.) So isn't it OK to keep an eye out on our behavior, to explore our values among others like us here?
For sure.

Quote:
I'll also add that I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences with some of the women you've been involved with. It also sounds like you've had some very positive experiences. Isn't that just part and parcel of life for everyone, regardless of their size or preference for size?
Absolutely! It's been a roller coaster!
And I expect it to continue being such.
And for the record (again) Je n'regrette rien.
For all the "poor-me" bleating I've done above about my last relationship I wouldn't have missed being with my most recent ex.
It was worth it.
She was (and is) worth it.
__________________
...
joswitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:24 PM   #62
frankman
The Eternal Cowboy
 
frankman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 2,467
frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
Not just you, but it started wayyyyy up with accidental loss of limb.


I just can't believe there's still no ability here to see the major difference between life changes of age/time/expected variances in weight, etc... and major life changing body alterations in EITHER direction.

If the moral of this thread is that I (and all those nasty, awful FAs who like fat women) have to admit to being shallow for knowing full well that my relationship would be effected (and possibly not survive) by a 100lbs or more weight change, then I guess that's how it is. Clearly, because of that, I'm incapable of loving someone deeply, being committed, and being in a sustained, meaningful, supportive, long-term relationship.

At least now I have a reason.


FFS.
It's really odd, you know, that because being fat or liking people who are fat gets placed into an entirely different category than, let's say, digging Asians only.

How is digging fat exclusively diferent from digging any other type exclusively? People can't control who they fall in love with, much less what their privates react to.

Digging fat exclusively (which I don't, by the way) is just another personal feature, not some nasty character trait.
__________________
FNORD
frankman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:24 PM   #63
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
(and all those nasty, awful FAs who like fat women)
I think you're taking it too far with your reading, AnnMarie. For my part, there is no implication whatsoever in my arguments that FAs are nasty or awful as a category. None. I've met a ton of wonderful people who identify as fat admirers, many of them members here.

In fact, I've tried to make it clear that for me this is not an issue about FAs and fatties specifically, but about all romantic relationships between people. That's why I think it's helpful to think of this in a context of physical changes other than weight loss or gain. And I stated very clearly in my first post in this thread that only in certain cases, under certain conditions, does the pressure to remain fat begin to feel "shallow" and thereby oppressive.
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|

Last edited by Fascinita; 07-25-2009 at 04:32 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 04:41 PM   #64
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by frankman View Post
It's really odd, you know, that because being fat or liking people who are fat gets placed into an entirely different category than, let's say, digging Asians only.

How is digging fat exclusively diferent from digging any other type exclusively? People can't control who they fall in love with, much less what their privates react to.
Except that no one becomes less Asian or less naturally brown-eyed as one ages or under different life circumstances. So that in terms of weight being just one of those things that may have to change at some point in the natural course of a life, how is the adherence to one preference for weight different than, say, a preference for unwrinkled skin or a perfectly unscarred body? I think we'd all like to remain forever young and beautiful, but I also know that few people want to die old and alone, if you get my drift.

I see weight in a category of attributes that are prone to changing over the course of a lifetime, for any number of unavoidable reasons. If you can't see that, I'm not sure we can come to an understanding about what's reasonable and what not.
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|

Last edited by Fascinita; 07-25-2009 at 04:43 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:01 PM   #65
joswitch
Exile from Main Board
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,704
joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fffff View Post
Guess whose never had a weight problem.....
guess who's wrong!

I was often referred to at school as "Belsen Boy".
I was so ****in thin I was once picked up and blown away in a strong wind.
(no sh*t, true story)
I was the scrawny, smart, talkative, tall kid everyone liked to bully
(til I grew up a bit more and started karate)
Hell, I got beaten up by the girls! ('til I was 12 or so)
I was always cold and got chilblains all the time.
I was pretty weak - to the point that schlepping my bag full of books to school and back seemed like I was carrying a hod full of bricks.
If I had a for everytime during those 4 or 5 years someone (especially girls) told me I should gain some weight or how horrible my body looked I'd be as rich as Croseus today!

Quote:
Imagine now that your partners leg was infected and spreading toxins to the rest of his body. The only way to reserve any quality of life for him was to have his gorgeous, yet detrimental leg amputated.
You can bet I'd damn well be supportive and wouldn't bitch and bemoan the lack of a leg.

Fat is not always a health issue but sometimes it damn well is.
See my response about fat and health to Fascintia.

Quote:
Speaking as someone who at one point in my life was extremely overweight comparing weight lose to cosmetic amputation is repulsive.
The analogy was meant to be horrifying. Because the purpose of it was to convey how much I felt (from my P.O.V.) the insanity of what was happening and how the world around me responded to it. Also to convey the loss and loneliness that I felt as my lover disappeared piece by piece.

I'm sorry that you found that analogy "repulsive". Nothing else would've come close to evoking how I felt at the time to someone who's non-FA-as-orientation.

Quote:
You should be ashamed for the complete lack of empathy you've just displayed for the women you claim to admire.
When I need you to tell me how I should feel, I'll send you an invitation to do so. Just so as we're clear, it'll be on gilt-edged card, carried on a velvet cushion by a footman in uniform.
Until then - back. off.

I will NOT be "shamed" for expressing how I feel / felt, by you or anyone.

That I haven't gone into how my ex felt at the time and dissected her motives and expressed how I sympathised and empathised with her (and still do) is because it's not my place to tell HER story and it's not my place to vocalise her feelings to the world. It's HER story and HER feelings and if she wants to share them or NOT it's her choice. To date her choice is NOT. And I respect that choice. So I've kept her side of things to a minimum in my posts. That this makes me look somehow heartless to you, I can deal with.

I didn't post all this to make myself look good.
I posted it to share how I felt.

In a forum that's meant to be a "safe-space" for FAs to share feelings without censure.

Quote:
.... you don't know what it's like. You don't know how it feels when people look at you wish disgust in their eyes. ... You don't know the shame of being ridiculed because of your weight.
Ah, but I do. See above.

Quote:
You don't know what it's like to want to go out with other people but be worried that their might be too much walking or other physical activity.
OK I don't "know" that.

Quote:
And that isn't some made-up hypothetical fantasy world where amputation is considered beautiful, it's the fucking reality of now. So if you want to use that comparison, or bemoan any loss of weight as being some stupid societal pressure, please remove your head from your verbose ass
Here's my expression of how I felt in gentler terms and with far fewer words.
It's a poem I wrote.
I express best and most concisely in poetry rather than prose.
I got a gentle mod "slap" for posting this on the main board.
Got told it should go in the "Fine Art" section.
But I don't think poetry should be kept under glass in an art ghetto.
I think it should be part of life.
Fair warning - it's sad.
AllofYou


Quote:
and read what some of the woman here have to say.
Yeah. Sure.
Cos I didn't read the entire thread FIRST.
Cos I haven't read page after page of what women have written here.
Cos us menz shouldn't express our feelingz and shiz.
We should just bottle. it. all. up.
And. shut. up. and. listen.

/snark
__________________
...
joswitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:18 PM   #66
Ernest Nagel
is old
 
Ernest Nagel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 2,661
Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Way down deep we're all superficial (at least some of the time). No one is always as evolved, balanced and self-actualized as they'd like to be. Mostly we see what we're expecting though and the Pygmalion effect impacts both men and women of all sizes to some degree or another. So, looking for creepy, banal or shallow FA's (men, Italians, golfers, etc) probably improves your odds of finding them. If you saw one (or more) before you started seeing a pattern, chicken~egg, eh? JMO.
__________________
"You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation." ~ Bette Davis
Ernest Nagel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:19 PM   #67
fffff
 
fffff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 187
fffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
guess who's wrong!

I was often referred to at school as "Belsen Boy".
I was so ****in thin I was once picked up and blown away in a strong wind.
(no sh*t, true story)
I was the scrawny, smart, talkative, tall kid everyone liked to bully
(til I grew up a bit more and started karate)
Yes, that is exactly the same thing as every kid in your second grade class pretending there was an earthquake while you were waking down the hall.

I stopped reading there because there is just no point.

btw continuously using the bold feature to emphasize a point is hella annoying.
fffff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:22 PM   #68
joswitch
Exile from Main Board
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,704
joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
Really? So you're someone who never sees yourself marrying or making a commitment to build a life together with someone?
As things stand for me now... Unlikely. My feelings and circunstances might change in the future.

Quote:
Then I'd say you're in a minority.
Hell yeah. I'm a minority of a minority of a minority.
FA. Bit of a feeder. Polyamorous by inclination. Anarchist. River gypsy. Musician. Poet. Fool.
Frankly, in context of this world I am a bloody ridiculously out-of-place person.

Quote:
Good for you on choosing to be perfectly frank with your partners about your preference. That's all I think is required. When depth of feeling depends on the state of a body's appearance, then of course it's not possible to commit for the long term. Changes happen--that's a constant--sometimes voluntary, sometimes not. Aside from that, in a state of perfect instability in pairing, such as you propose, anyone can change her mind about being with her partner the minute someone more ideal, or who provokes more "feeling," walks into the picture.
And yeah, that's happened to me....

Quote:
By the way, this as I see it is an issue that applies to all people, FA or not. If I were thinner or taller or blonder, I'd still want to know if a potential partner was apt to leave me when my appearance changed.

I think we're in agreement at last! Annnnnnnnd... I appreciate and agree with some of your explication of how the pressure to be thin affects everyone. (It does affect everyone, including the non-fat: After all, if you're going to be upset at a fat person who loses weight, why not be upset at a thin person who REFUSES to gain weight? )
Oh those thin girls who refuse to gain! oh they twist my melon!

Actually I resolved to stop dating thin(ner) girls and offering to fatten them up* about 10 years back. (Flame me now. I brought marshmallows! )

Decided that was hurtful. And y'know. Hurtful = bad.

Decided to only date fat girls 'cos I desired them exactly as I found them.
As you can see that's yielded mixed results... lolz...
But I can't really think of a better plan.
That doesn't involve any or all of.
Castration.
Lobotomy.
Becoming a Buddhist monk.

(*Except for aspiring-to-be-fat feedees. That's cool. )
__________________
...
joswitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:25 PM   #69
frankman
The Eternal Cowboy
 
frankman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 2,467
frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
Except that no one becomes less Asian or less naturally brown-eyed as one ages or under different life circumstances. So that in terms of weight being just one of those things that may have to change at some point in the natural course of a life, how is the adherence to one preference for weight different than, say, a preference for unwrinkled skin or a perfectly unscarred body? I think we'd all like to remain forever young and beautiful, but I also know that few people want to die old and alone, if you get my drift.

I see weight in a category of attributes that are prone to changing over the course of a lifetime, for any number of unavoidable reasons. If you can't see that, I'm not sure we can come to an understanding about what's reasonable and what not.
I know what you mean. I'm just hoping that when people love eachother(as in relationships and such), people can look past that sort of stuff. I know that in my case it's easy, digging every size except super skinny, but I'm naive and romantic like that.

Otherwise, one has to ask him or herself: how many lbs do I love my partner? But I hope that when you consider people liking people for a lifetime, people start loving people for who they are instead of what they look like.

But then again, I'm not the one to talk, cause I dig the entire weight spectrum.
__________________
FNORD
frankman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:32 PM   #70
joswitch
Exile from Main Board
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,704
joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fffff View Post
Yes, that is exactly the same thing as every kid in your second grade class pretending there was an earthquake while you were waking down the hall.

I stopped reading there because there is just no point.

btw continuously using the bold feature to emphasize a point is hella annoying.
Wow! nice one!

You belittle and dismiss my feelings and experiences - in order to claim that your feelings and experiences are more valid/important.

That's not annoying in anyway at all!
I feel so glad I took 20minutes out of my life to respond to you!
__________________
...

Last edited by joswitch; 07-25-2009 at 05:32 PM. Reason: punc
joswitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:37 PM   #71
joswitch
Exile from Main Board
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,704
joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!joswitch has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by frankman
Is it just me or is the entire "amputate stuff" analogy a little over the top?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
Not just you, but it started wayyyyy up with accidental loss of limb.
I started it and with the loss as a deliberate choice...
And the analogy was over-the-top in an effort to convey depth of feeling to those who "don't get" the FA-weightloss-blues....
__________________
...
joswitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 05:40 PM   #72
fffff
 
fffff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 187
fffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging infffff makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
Wow! nice one!

You belittle and dismiss my feelings and experiences - in order to claim that your feelings and experiences are more valid/important.
Yep - fat girls know more about being fat girls than skinny guys. Weird.
fffff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 06:02 PM   #73
CrankySpice
Unwashed.
 
CrankySpice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,044
CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

What if your life partner decides to change faiths? Goes from being, say, Catholic to Muslim? Or from a pacifist to a gun-toting anarchist? Are those changes that should be fully and totally accepted at no question? Everything's hunky-dory in the relationship because, after all, you're committed?

I think that drastic physical changes are in the same class. It's not only an alteration of your appearance, but a drastic change in how you view yourself & the world around you and how you live your day-to-day life. You can't lose 100 lbs. and be the same person. You just can't. Something had to change. You had to be strict and measuring with your food, you had to make time for exercise when you formerly did not, you have to stop sharing meals that were formerly shared experiences. This type of change doesn't just change the physical attraction side of the relationship, but the day to day living, the formerly share philosophies, pretty much every thing that would hold a relationship together. And that kind of change makes an FA shallow?

I'm not buying it.
CrankySpice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 06:03 PM   #74
CrankySpice
Unwashed.
 
CrankySpice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,044
CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fffff View Post
Yep - fat girls know more about being fat girls than skinny guys. Weird.
Except....you didn't say fat girls. You said "weight problem". Which he then shared. So, yeah. fffff that.
CrankySpice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 06:04 PM   #75
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,106
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

This could all simply be a matter of perspective and different needs for different people.

Some people need a partner that will always weigh XYZ and have it stored in XYZ area.

Some people will need the security of knowing that they are loved no matter what life changes bring about physically because everyone is going to change physically over time- no matter what your opinion or sexual preference is.

Some people are comfortable with the idea of a partner setting a condition on the relationship.

Some people are not.

Some might see the set of conditions being placed as less important than other factors or these same factors might be equally important to both partners.

Some people need to know that if they make a commitment to someone long term and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, that their partner is willing to do the same/make the same compromises.

Personally, I think the most important thing here is honesty.

I think if it's important to have your partner weigh XYZ always and forever, then that needs to be said up front. Let whomever decide if they are okay with it. No one is right or wrong for wanting what they want or needing what they need.

If it's important to you that your partner values other details as high, if not higher, than sexual needs, then that needs to be stated openly. Let whomever decide if they feel the same way.


It's hard to find someone that thinks exactly like you do....and when/if you find them, each of you constantly struggle with getting what each of you want out of the relationship.

I don't know.....I still don't have everything I wan't/think I need from a relationship set in stone. At the end of the day and all that has been said and done in my life, I only know what I DON'T want.....and run with that idea now. *shrugs*
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:10 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.