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Old 07-23-2009, 07:20 PM   #1
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Default You're too small.

So, I know we have the "in-betweenies unite" thread, but bear with me. I'm talking about guys and the relationship between them and our bodies. Have you ever been told you're too small by a guy? And I'm addressing this to *all* fat women reading this. I've said it SO many times on here, but I am SO sick of feeling like I'm too small for people on here but then I'm "too big" for the real world. And I feel terrible because there are girls on here bigger than me who I KNOW are feeling the same way.
My question is... Is there anything we can do about it? I understand that guys can't help it, you're attracted to whatever you're attracted to, blah blah blah. But what am I supposed to do?
I guess what I'm asking is... how do we deal? How do you deal with feeling like you need to change your body and potentially make your life more difficult just to please someone?
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:27 PM   #2
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Yes been told I am too big and too small. But I will be damned if I am going to change myself, my life, or my health just to please someone. I loved the line I heard once. Men are like buses, another one will be along soon!
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:33 PM   #3
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i grew my beard out to please my girlfriend
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:40 PM   #4
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I'm sorry you feel that way, I've never been told I was too small. Often told I was too big. I've come to understand here at Dims that smaller BBW and bigger BBW go through some of the same trials and tribulations. I am keeping a more open mind when I see women who are smaller than I am. It's a start.

Saying that, I can't change who I am just to please a man or anyone else. I won't compromise myself.

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Old 07-23-2009, 07:43 PM   #5
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something i'm curious about: when you're turned down by someone, ladies, are they telling you outfront, "you're too small," or are you asking why you're being turned down? i don't doubt plenty of cases of both, i'm just curious to personal accounts. some people are gluttons for punishment.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:43 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by krismiss View Post
So, I know we have the "in-betweenies unite" thread, but bear with me. I'm talking about guys and the relationship between them and our bodies. Have you ever been told you're too small by a guy? And I'm addressing this to *all* fat women reading this. I've said it SO many times on here, but I am SO sick of feeling like I'm too small for people on here but then I'm "too big" for the real world. And I feel terrible because there are girls on here bigger than me who I KNOW are feeling the same way.
My question is... Is there anything we can do about it? I understand that guys can't help it, you're attracted to whatever you're attracted to, blah blah blah. But what am I supposed to do?
I guess what I'm asking is... how do we deal? How do you deal with feeling like you need to change your body and potentially make your life more difficult just to please someone?
I know exactly how you feel, and it can be so damn frustrating! I have been told I am too small by guys who basically wont give me the time of day because I have the wrong sized hips It sometimes makes me feel like there is no spot for me in this size obsessed society. Can't win either way!!
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:48 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by krismiss View Post
how do we deal?
I find my center--that core that's about "what I know to be true in the world"--and check in with myself: Would I go around actively telling people they're not this- or that- enough for me? If I did, would it mean that I was a self-important windbag (the answer is "yes" here)? Would I require people to change their bodies drastically for my pleasure and/or say things that made them feel terrible about themselves? Would I dream of presenting my preference as anything other than what I prefer, or pretend that what I preferred made someone "substandard"?

No. And I can't take the opinions of those who would seriously.

Eventually, you'll get better at keeping those kinds of comments from invading your thinking and feelings. Practice makes perferct. Know that you're a good person and find your place in the world and keep on keeping on. It gets better.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:57 PM   #8
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I've been told outright, I'm too small by some FAs, and I've been told outright I'm too big by non-FAs I've been interested in. I've also been told, I'm not the right race - not white, not japanese, not indian. I find it laughable sometimes. It used to piss me off, now I just don't care at all. There's no way in hell I'm gonna change my size for anybody. I realized those comments weren't about me, they were about the other person's hangups, so no reason to take it personally.

I know hearing those kinds of comments can make you feel like your options are limited, and being fat, well they are, but that doesn't mean finding a mate is impossible. Just takes a little longer. That's something I've come to accept. The older I get the less it bothers me tho. I'd much rather be single than deal with bullshit from guys who are not open minded. It's also worth it to me to wait for someone who wants and likes my body as is rather than despite how it is.

It's just a waste of energy to worry about this kind of personal stuff you have no control over.
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Old 07-23-2009, 08:00 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
some people are gluttons for punishment.
You know... If I went to the protected FA Forum and blurted out the line above, word for word, in response to someone expressing a frustration that comes parcel with being an FA, I'm pretty sure I'd be slapped out of the thread faster than Oprah can say "weight loss."

Your interest is appreciated. But, mmm, can we keep it BBW-centered without intimations that anyone is "asking" for what they get?

Thanks.
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Old 07-23-2009, 08:04 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
something i'm curious about: when you're turned down by someone, ladies, are they telling you outfront, "you're too small," or are you asking why you're being turned down? i don't doubt plenty of cases of both, i'm just curious to personal accounts. some people are gluttons for punishment.
I've dealt with both, actually. Sometimes it's even just implied and you don't get to even have to deal with rejection because you're not given the time of day off the bat.

I've also actually had people tell me that I need to gain weight to be "cuter", totally unprovoked.
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Old 07-23-2009, 08:04 PM   #11
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O've been told that Im too small and ive been told im too big. Guess it depends on who is looking.
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Old 07-23-2009, 08:06 PM   #12
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Kris, I know that it can make it tough, if you are attracted to the man doing the tsk-tsking. When you do the more ' you ' centered thinking, you won't feel the sting as much, if at all. You will view it as someone who is simply lacking in the tact department. It has nothing to do with compromise, no matter what anybody says. I bet if it is a man where your interest in him is not there, your self worth does not take a hit. Try and remember how that felt, if you find yourself angry with someone who does turn your head. Should feel the same with either camp...or at least strive for that.
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Old 07-23-2009, 08:08 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
You know... If I went to the protected FA Forum and blurted out the line above, word for word, in response to someone expressing a frustration that comes parcel with being an FA, I'm pretty sure I'd be slapped out of the thread faster than Oprah can say "weight loss."

Your interest is appreciated. But, mmm, can we keep it BBW-centered without intimations that anyone is "asking" for what they get?

Thanks.
I thought everybody understood the reasons for this forum.
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:31 PM   #14
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*being a newbie* I figure that if you can shop at Lane Bryant, you are probably a BBW.

A Lane Bryant size 14 can still be BBW on a 4'11 woman. In the end it is all about height AND weight. Many SSBW looking women are tiny in height while people like me at the same weight are BBW but all stretched out even at a size 28.

I suppose people want this to be place where there is a definition between one who "feels" fat, who may think they look fat, but is average verses those women who are bonafide size and height BBWs and dealing with issues related to being BBW. Tell me if I am wrong .
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Old 07-23-2009, 10:00 PM   #15
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everyone is judged by how they look...we are not that unique to it...

nose too big, too small
dick too big, too small
head too big, too small
body too big, too small
boobs too big, too small
too short, too tall
not enough hair, too much hair....

we all let it effect us, screw that ladies and gents, we are what we are...the sooner we accept that we are not perfect and go on with our lives, we will all be much happier, and yes, i am fully (or should i say fattily) aware that this is not an easy task...but one that should be undertaken at our earliest convenience...
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Old 07-23-2009, 10:17 PM   #16
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For now Dan's posts in this thread (and the replies to his post) will stand as an example of legitimate questions that are germane to the thread gone slightly awry.

As a reminder to non-bbw members who post to this board, your posts are welcome, but please take care to word your questions/comments in a way that will not offend or disrupt threads.

/mod

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Old 07-23-2009, 10:47 PM   #17
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I might feel like I'm too small sometimes, but no one that I'm interested in has outright told me so. It has come up jokingly and perhaps I've allowed myself to feel a little stung by it. But to be fair, ever since I started my tall thread, men have commented that I might think they're too short. Depends on one's perspective, I guess.

As for pleasing someone else, well... I'm usually made to feel that I'm too fat. I've yet to meet an FA that was interested in me anyway. I get more attention from non-FAs.

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Old 07-23-2009, 11:53 PM   #18
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I might feel like I'm too small sometimes, but no one that I'm interested in has outright told me so. It has come up jokingly and perhaps I've allowed myself to feel a little stung by it. But to be fair, ever since I started my tall thread, men have commented that I might think they're too short. Depends on one's perspective, I guess.

As for pleasing someone else, well... I'm usually made to feel that I'm too fat. I've yet to meet an FA that was interested in me anyway. I get more attention from non-FAs.
girl, if i was a gay woman, you would be mine, of course i have to admit there are other girly crushes in the running too, lol. hugs
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Old 07-24-2009, 01:54 AM   #19
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You're never, ever going to be everybody's cup of tea so seriously, don't let it worry you. And you can't change the way you look for somebody else. If you don't like it, change it - if somebody else doesn't - well that's their problem and they can just stop looking.
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Old 07-24-2009, 05:28 AM   #20
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I have in fact been told I was too small, which cracked me up, as I don't think I am. In general, I just laugh it off. In terms of attraction and relationships, honestly, I won't change my body intentionally for anyone (have had exes who baked more, and as a result of my complete cake addiction, I gained weight.) I think who ever you are with should accept and love you for who you are, if they come in trying to change this and that, then they are most definitely not who you should spend time with. We are people, not projects.
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Old 07-24-2009, 05:29 AM   #21
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You're never, ever going to be everybody's cup of tea so seriously, don't let it worry you. And you can't change the way you look for somebody else. If you don't like it, change it - if somebody else doesn't - well that's their problem and they can just stop looking.

My thoughts exactly.
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Old 07-24-2009, 06:42 AM   #22
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Kris, I know that it can make it tough, if you are attracted to the man doing the tsk-tsking. When you do the more ' you ' centered thinking, you won't feel the sting as much, if at all. You will view it as someone who is simply lacking in the tact department.
This. People will always have their own preferences, some are just really insensitive and share them in a way that could upset you. I remember there was a girl a while ago that asked me out a few times and i was pretty polite and said that i would prefer it if we were friends. She pushed me to tell her why it couldn't go further until i said "Well you're just not my type".
It was pretty excrutiating really but i guess no different from a guy asking me out and me telling him he was not my type. In saying this what would be the point telling someone what they could do to BE your type. Its rediculous arogance really. I agree with fascinita, ask yourself if you would say the kind of things that that particular person was saying to you. If not, then realise they are dicks and move on.
If this has happened a LOT then maby there is some sort of problem, that perhaps could be sorted out with some tough Fa love! lol

Erm, there is some weird guy who Pm's me on yahoo(i forgot i put my yahoo addy on here) and the first thing he says is "Hey Babe, how's my supersized princess doing today"??!!
whoat?
Firstly.. "Babe"?? secondly.. well everything..
I told him i wasn't supersized and i had a girlfriend and if he had read my posts he might have known that..
Anyway he pops up now and then(i need to learn how to block) asking if i have gained weight yet..and saying stuff like "you are hot but you would be hotter if you were xx bigger"
When i have time i do chatter to people, providing they are not morons.. but those people who base so much on size and talk to you like you are paid to chatter about porn..*poof* (by which i mean gone..when i work out how).
I wonder if guys who talk to women like this -Cutting the small talk, telling them they would look better if they gained weight etc actually get any women talking to them??
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Old 07-24-2009, 07:46 AM   #23
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" Erm, there is some weird guy who Pm's me on yahoo(i forgot i put my yahoo addy on here) and the first thing he says is "Hey Babe, how's my supersized princess doing today"??!! "

I think I have dealt with him too. Or at least somebody very much like him. The one I was dealing with would message me all the time and ask if I had gained weight and when I said no, would get pouty and and say that was too bad that I could be so pretty if I would just gain some weight.

You know... I have also been told that I could be so pretty if I would just lose some weight.

Same shit, different day, different asshole spewing it.

Oh yeah... He'd also want to know what I had eaten for breakfast, lunch, supper, etc... and then say it wasn't "enough" or wasn't fattening enough. ROFLMAO!

And the "babe" thing icked me out. I'm not his "babe". I'm not even his friend.

I blocked him when it got to the point where it made me literally cringe when he messaged me.

Tracy
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Old 07-24-2009, 08:16 AM   #24
fatgirlflyin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
i grew my beard out to please my girlfriend
growing a beard out to please a girlfriend is a little easier to do, and much easier to change back than losing or gaining weight is.

Nothing wrong with wanting to do something to your physical appearance to please your partner though. I've dyed my hair certain colors, and have asked my guy to let the gray show in his goatee.
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Old 07-24-2009, 08:18 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
" Erm, there is some weird guy who Pm's me on yahoo(i forgot i put my yahoo addy on here) and the first thing he says is "Hey Babe, how's my supersized princess doing today"??!! "

I think I have dealt with him too. Or at least somebody very much like him. The one I was dealing with would message me all the time and ask if I had gained weight and when I said no, would get pouty and and say that was too bad that I could be so pretty if I would just gain some weight.

You know... I have also been told that I could be so pretty if I would just lose some weight.

Same shit, different day, different asshole spewing it.

Oh yeah... He'd also want to know what I had eaten for breakfast, lunch, supper, etc... and then say it wasn't "enough" or wasn't fattening enough. ROFLMAO!

And the "babe" thing icked me out. I'm not his "babe". I'm not even his friend.

I blocked him when it got to the point where it made me literally cringe when he messaged me.

Tracy


Yes..he really makes me cringe. I just don't answer him at all. *Shudder*
I'm guessing he has the same shtick for us all and thinks that calling us "Babe" and "Supersized Princess" will hypnotise us into a state of uncontrollable lust for him...
I feel sliiiiiightly sorry for him.. like on one hand i feel like trying to teach him how to not be a complete tool, like in some shitty teen movie.. on the other hand i think the best lessons are learned for yourself and besides i'm sure no matter what anyone says to him he will think he is acting like a stud muffin!
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