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Old 07-24-2009, 08:20 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
You know... If I went to the protected FA Forum and blurted out the line above, word for word, in response to someone expressing a frustration that comes parcel with being an FA, I'm pretty sure I'd be slapped out of the thread faster than Oprah can say "weight loss."

Your interest is appreciated. But, mmm, can we keep it BBW-centered without intimations that anyone is "asking" for what they get?

Thanks.
I didn't take what he was saying that way.

Too often when people are rejected they want to know why, when really that shouldn't even be a question. If you like someone, but they don't like you back you really don't have the right to ask them to justify why they don't like you back the way you liked them.

The "why" is always going to seem negative to the person getting turned down. Doesn't matter if its because she/he is too fat, short, tall, skinny, blonde, small ass, big tits. The why is always gonna suck so why ask why?
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Old 07-24-2009, 09:37 AM   #27
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As a man I've been told I'm too small by many big beautiful women, too many! And now that I'm in my fifties I'm told I'm too small and too old too, LOL!

But that's the way life is in America, as Americans give too much attention to what people look on the outside. Life in Europe is not as judgmental as the USA. Europeans are much more liberal in their thinking and while I lived there and my size was never an issue with the ladies.

But I feel the times they are a changing!!!
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Old 07-24-2009, 04:09 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by olwen View Post
For now Dan's posts in this thread (and the replies to his post) will stand as an example of legitimate questions that are germane to the thread gone slightly awry.

As a reminder to non-bbw members who post to this board, your posts are welcome, but please take care to word your questions/comments in a way that will not offend or disrupt threads.

/mod
And just to back this up, if a non-fa were to make a similar post that made a bad comparison to an FA issue in the FA forum, the 'protected' nature of that board would disallow it too.
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Old 07-24-2009, 04:23 PM   #29
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James, have any of the moderators from this board gone to the fa forum, if you have ever had to wrangle a thread back onto its track, to let non-bbw ' offenders ' know that they best keep their noses clean, if they venture over here? If not, I find your post to be a bit childish...like a warning, just because a mod here felt a need to do her job.
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Old 07-24-2009, 04:44 PM   #30
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James, have any of the moderators from this board gone to the fa forum, if you have ever had to wrangle a thread back onto its track, to let non-bbw ' offenders ' know that they best keep their noses clean, if they venture over here? If not, I find your post to be a bit childish...like a warning, just because a mod here felt a need to do her job.
I posted at the request of one of the moderators of this board. I was not aware of the thread's existence until she PM'd me to ask me to take a look and give my opinion.
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Old 07-24-2009, 04:45 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
You know... If I went to the protected FA Forum and blurted out the line above, word for word, in response to someone expressing a frustration that comes parcel with being an FA, I'm pretty sure I'd be slapped out of the thread faster than Oprah can say "weight loss."

Your interest is appreciated. But, mmm, can we keep it BBW-centered without intimations that anyone is "asking" for what they get?

Thanks.
how would this lousy interpretation even be possible

MAN THAT NOT-FAT-ENOUGH BITTY

SHE WAS JUST ASKING TO GET REJECTED

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Old 07-24-2009, 04:52 PM   #32
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for the record i don't condone moderation on the fa forum either, i.e. if someone has something nasty to reply to me, i fully condone saying it and having (spiky) discourse

not playing the game where we shake up one another until someone gets so mad they break a rule and the other runs and hides between a mod's legs

in the real world when someone says something stupid and you're not employed by them you tell them to get fucked

moderated forums are delusional

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Old 07-24-2009, 05:01 PM   #33
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I posted at the request of one of the moderators of this board. I was not aware of the thread's existence until she PM'd me to ask me to take a look and give my opinion.
Ah..ok. So I can only hope that a mod from this board will go to the fa forum, and find a message from you or Observer, about how certain things are not allowed, and post this same message.
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Old 07-24-2009, 05:06 PM   #34
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Since I'm not the mod who asked, I don't know, but I'm guessing James might have posted that to show that there is parity on both boards, and us admins try to make sure there is that kind of parity.

An earlier post I responded to here, where something was posted that isn't really allowed, I mentioned that the same thing wouldn't be allowed on the FA/FFA board. Because both boards are basically two sides of the same coin, I think James was just wanting to reassure people that there wouldn't be inequity and that the same thing wouldn't be allowed there. Just guessing, though since this is a discussion several of us have had.
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Old 07-24-2009, 05:17 PM   #35
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I just found it to be more of a ' warning '...one that does not seem to have been given, by a mod from this forum, over on the fa forum. Parity would suggest that one of you three ladies should probably make a deposit...over there. Posting about things like this ONLY on the bbw forum ( at least having mods from other boards doing it )...well, to tell you the truth, that rubs me a wee bit the wrong way. If fa's are posting on ' their ' board, then they would hopefully be seeing the reassuring messages.
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Old 07-24-2009, 06:19 PM   #36
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let it go fascinita misread my post anyway

it would be one of the 10% that isn't antagonistic or about how no one's posting their movie list
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Old 07-24-2009, 10:31 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin View Post
I didn't take what he was saying that way.

Too often when people are rejected they want to know why, when really that shouldn't even be a question. If you like someone, but they don't like you back you really don't have the right to ask them to justify why they don't like you back the way you liked them.

The "why" is always going to seem negative to the person getting turned down. Doesn't matter if its because she/he is too fat, short, tall, skinny, blonde, small ass, big tits. The why is always gonna suck so why ask why?
What?
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Old 07-24-2009, 11:08 PM   #38
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What?
Originally Posted by
Quote:
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Fascinita
You know... If I went to the protected FA Forum and blurted out the line above, word for word, in response to someone expressing a frustration that comes parcel with being an FA, I'm pretty sure I'd be slapped out of the thread faster than Oprah can say "weight loss."

Your interest is appreciated. But, mmm, can we keep it BBW-centered without intimations that anyone is "asking" for what they get?

Thanks.

I don't agree that he was suggesting someone was getting what they asked for.

It seemed to me like he was asking a very honest question. How did the person know they were being turned down for being too small? Did they ask?

If they asked, then why did they ask? Its no one's right to make someone else justify their reason for rejecting them. Its never a good reason, no one ever rejects someone because they are just too perfect. There's always something that's seen as a flaw, otherwise why reject them?
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Old 07-25-2009, 01:01 AM   #39
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Originally Posted by



I don't agree that he was suggesting someone was getting what they asked for.

It seemed to me like he was asking a very honest question. How did the person know they were being turned down for being too small? Did they ask?

If they asked, then why did they ask? Its no one's right to make someone else justify their reason for rejecting them. Its never a good reason, no one ever rejects someone because they are just too perfect. There's always something that's seen as a flaw, otherwise why reject them?
Well, the problem I had with his post was that he said "some people are gluttons for punishment." That seemed to suggest that if the OP was being told she was too small, it was because she sought (was a glutton for) that "punishment." I have no idea what else he was thinking or intending to say. My problem was with the one idea he expressed that perhaps the OP enjoyed the "punishment" she was receiving. See, this forum is supposed to be protected from negativity aimed at BBWs--i.e., people suggesting to BBWs that perhaps they are eager to be treated poorly, suggestions which can work to silence the expression of authentic BBW experiences.
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Old 07-25-2009, 01:07 AM   #40
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let it go fascinita misread my post anyway
From where I'm standing, you "miswrote."

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Old 07-25-2009, 08:16 AM   #41
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the state made me do it
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Old 07-25-2009, 08:21 AM   #42
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Well, the problem I had with his post was that he said "some people are gluttons for punishment."
gluttons for punishment:

people who ask why you're rejecting them
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Old 07-25-2009, 09:04 AM   #43
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Well, the problem I had with his post was that he said "some people are gluttons for punishment." That seemed to suggest that if the OP was being told she was too small, it was because she sought (was a glutton for) that "punishment." I have no idea what else he was thinking or intending to say. My problem was with the one idea he expressed that perhaps the OP enjoyed the "punishment" she was receiving. See, this forum is supposed to be protected from negativity aimed at BBWs--i.e., people suggesting to BBWs that perhaps they are eager to be treated poorly, suggestions which can work to silence the expression of authentic BBW experiences.

Maybe, just maybe, you read into what he wrote? Maybe I did. Who knows.
That's the problem with words, they can be taken all kinds of ways. This situation is one of the reasons is was resistant to the idea of having a bbw board.

I think we should have had a private health board or something like that. What we have now is a board where people seem to be getting shhhhhh'ed all over the place. Eventually people are just going to stop trying.
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Old 07-25-2009, 09:55 AM   #44
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Not to interrupt, but just answering the original question...

Nope, I've never been told I'm too small. But then again, I've actually never met, talked to, or been out with an FA.

Now back to your previously scheduled programming...
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Old 07-25-2009, 04:55 PM   #45
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Maybe, just maybe, you read into what he wrote? Maybe I did. Who knows.
It's possible I read his post wrong. Your point is taken. I went back and re-read and see how there's a way of reading what he wrote that isn't necessarily negative.

I do think it's worth it to ask people to be careful not to send potentially negative messages to BBW who post here. Most importantly, I think the focus of this forum should remain on the experiences of fat women, and that those who are not fat women need to understand that it may be counter-productive to interject with their own experiences.

It's a new forum, and it's protected--that is a concept that's a little different from what applies to the rest of the board. So I think we're all trying to find good ways to define the dynamic here. And I think we can all work toward that. Thanks.
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Old 07-27-2009, 03:56 PM   #46
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You're never, ever going to be everybody's cup of tea so seriously, don't let it worry you. And you can't change the way you look for somebody else. If you don't like it, change it - if somebody else doesn't - well that's their problem and they can just stop looking.
This quote here, I'm going to chant it to myself till my brain and heart listen. I have been told that I'm too small, and I've been told that I'm too fat. I know what weight is comfortable to me, so that should be good enough, right? However, I still let both comments hurt me at times; still seeking that approval and unconditional love I didn't get as a child. Enough already: if I feel healthy and attractive that's all that matters. You don't like it...go fuck yourself! (Another thing I need to chant till I actually believe).
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Old 07-27-2009, 04:16 PM   #47
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When I first ventured into the size acceptance (ha!) world I was told on a number of occasions if I were fatter I would be more attractive to a man. Somehow this felt shittier than being told I was too fat by a non fa. I guess because I felt that if I was not attractive enough in fat circles I was more or less doomed to a life devoid of romantic love.

At some point you realize you don't need to be attractive to all men, just one that you want to be with and it stops mattering.

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Old 07-27-2009, 04:56 PM   #48
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any guy who tells a girl she's too small is a real douche. i bet he would get in a real tizzy if a girl insinuated the same about him. amirite

"At some point you realize you don't need to be attractive to all men, just one that you want to be with and it stops mattering."

that is also too true.
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:47 PM   #49
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olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
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I think maybe we have to keep reminding ourselves that our relationship with our bodies matters more than other people's relationship to it. No matter what a woman looks like there will always be someone somewhere who has a problem with her body: too fat, too thin, too athletic, too masculine, too feminine, too tall, too short, too whatever whatever ad nauseum. Sometimes drowning out the noise is the only way to cope.
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Old 07-27-2009, 09:16 PM   #50
BubbleButtBabe
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Some times that is hard to do Olwen..We all want to be attractive to others and when you have random people telling you that you aren't blah blah blah it bothers you..I really do not think it is just a female problem...I think some men suffer the same way,they just do not discuss it as much as women do..You know a woman telling a man he is not worthy because he is to short,to tall,to skinny,to fat,to bald,to much hair and on and on and on has to hurt him just as much..

No matter how much body love you have for yourself hearing someone else tell you how hot you look and how much they admire your body helps,it's an ego booster..I know it seems shallow but we all have the need to be desired for our bodies and our minds..Nothing better then a person saying damn you look so good to make you feel good...JMO anyways..

I agree 100% that we are not some people's cup of tea and that there is someone out there that will find us attractive..Some times you got to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince..
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