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Old 07-27-2009, 09:35 PM   #51
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Here's a point of view from a guy's perspective.

While I would admit that a lot of girls I'm attracted to would, in fact, look good with more weight on them...it would be very wrong of me to say and or demand it.

I go for a girls personality before I go for looks, and if she's a sweetheart to me, my friends, and my family...then I get more closer to her.

I'm an encourager, but I know when to turn it off and recognize when its not appropriate, and judging by what MerGirl says, there are guys out there who don't know when to turn it off.

For example a friend of mine who was 330 pounds with a child when we first met, recently had another baby and had ballooned to 400 pounds. She was practically in tears because she told me she's too big to run and chase after them, she has permanent back pain brought on by the pregnancy along with being overweight and is afraid to go out because she doesn't want to be ridiculed. This is NOT enjoyable and I would never EVER encourage her to gain weight if it was physically and mentally hurting her like this. While I do admit she's very attractive at 400 pounds, she's much healthier and happier in the low 300's and that's where I'd like her to be. Now this guy Mergirl is talking about sounds like he would completely ignore all the painful aspects my friend mentioned and go all out saying how sexy she looked at 400 pounds and couldn't wait for her to get even fatter. Its too bad that guys like that don't have the social skills to turn off the "feeder factor" and just talk normally.

Now also keep in mind a lot of the women on the paysite board flaunt their size and you'll find dozen of site preview's saying "look how fat i've gotten" and some very directly say "I'm too small, i need to gain weight" though I can't find the specific one. A lot of F/A's can get confused and think that other women feel like this and they have the right to say "You're too small, get bigger!"

I think I may have said "you need to get bigger" once, and that was when I was 18 and was playing along with someone I was chatting with. So to all the women that feel hurt when someone says they are too small, the only thing I can say is not all of us feel that way. There are guys who like you just the way you are.
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Old 07-27-2009, 10:27 PM   #52
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I've been told by a few men that I'm too small. Or This one 'Your prety, but you'd look so much hotter if you gained _____ pounds '

It's like 'Excuse me? ' Cause I'm used to hearing "oh your okay, but if you dropped [insert ungodly amount of weight here] You'd be smokin! " or some such bull.

And Wow! I Also have some creepoid on Yahoo who IM's me a lot calling me 'babe' and 'his princess'.


How do I deal?
I Get Mad at Men[cause usually their the ones saying it to me.] and Society's 'standards' for today.
Probably not the healthiest option, but, it works for me.
...Or I not-so-nicely chew them up. It all depends on the day and my mood.
[This is also where my comfort eating comes in. ]

I Just sort of find it disrespectful to hear things like that.
I don't go around saying things like "Oh you're average but if you grew ____ inches you'd be great" or something, just cause it's my preference. ..

[/Rantering.]
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Old 07-28-2009, 03:13 AM   #53
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And Wow! I Also have some creepoid on Yahoo who IM's me a lot calling me 'babe' and 'his princess'.

boo hoo!! I can't believe i was not his only Babe and supersized princess!! I feel so un-special!
Hey, at least you have 'princess' in your name!!
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:02 AM   #54
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WARNING: I haven't fully organized my thoughts on this one so read at your own risk, rambling ahead!

hmm, for the most part what always strikes me as such a slap in the face about the "you're too small thing" is the timing. I cannot think of any guy that I know (though I have no doubt they exist in droves) who would tell a girl on a first date that she needs to lose weight, just like I can't imagine a guy would say to a girl " I think you're cute and all but for next Friday, could you possibly go blonde?" It seems like in this day and age its common knowledge that these are not things you say to a woman on a first date (or ever) just like a respectable woman doesn't go on a date and say " this was fun, but give me a call when you get promoted to VP". And yet I have, multiple times, encountered men who feel free to tell me upon only knowing me for like ten minutes, that I would be so much hotter if i gained X amount of pounds. (which btw aside from being insulting is as creepy as asking someone their bra size ten minutes into a date)

I guess where I am so shocked and insulted is not that they want me to change (yes thats a bummer but usually I havent yet invested anything in them at that point, so no big deal), but rather that they say it so immediately and enthusiastically as if I am supposed to be not only flattered by the sentiment, but grateful that they feel that way. And what annoys me even more is the men who say it so innocently and underhandedly so that it hits you like a backhanded compliment. For example "you know I just want you to know I dont care how much you weigh, you can never be too fat for me" (obviously this phrase takes on a whole diff. context if its in response to the classic "do I look fat in this" landmine), making it sound like they are doing you a favor and trying to make you happy when what they really mean is "I want you to be much bigger than you are now, but instead of admitting this is what I want, I am pretending its all about you and your feelings". I mean come on, what woman wants to hear yeah you are ok now but I will like you better later on after you change. And what further burns me up in this situation is when you call them out on it and they are truly shocked at your reaction, after all they have just given you license to eat everything in sight, why aren't you thanking them by getting on your knees and kissing their feet

I don't know, obviously everyone's experience and everyone's luck is different but I have always assumed that if a guy thought I was too fat for his taste he wouldn't ask me out to begin with, meaning i would never know about it (in the spirit of what you don't know wont hurt you). Instead he would simply ask out someone he is actually attracted to. So why doesn't a guy who is attracted to someone larger than I am act accordingly, instead of treating me like a blow up doll he can inflate to his specifications.

Rereading this it sounds a bit like man bashing, which is not my intention. Rather my problem lies with the more general concept that as long as you aren't telling her to lose weight its acceptable to tell a fat woman you want to change her appearance. While I would of course prefer the person not think I should change to begin with, for now I would even settle for them exercising the filter between their brain and mouth and just not saying it even if they are thinking it (at least until we have known each other long enough to ascertain whether or not this is something I am open to). Gee sounds a lot like manners and common courtesy doesn't it...

ETA: Just realized this post assumes its men doing the asking, but that it can be women asking women, or women asking men as well. I dont feel like going back and making the whole post gender neutral so feel free to insert your preference as you read.
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:10 AM   #55
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wow just finished reading through the entire thread and realized that what I took five paragraphs trying to say, someone else was able to sum up in one word: TACT.
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:18 AM   #56
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I still maintain that the reason 'some' guys think it is ok for their opening shtick to be "how big is your belly", "how much do you weigh", "You would look even better if you weighed x amount more" Is because they get confused and don't seem to realise that not all the women here are paysite models. I know that part of many Paysite models jobs is to play into many fantasies ie "Look at how fat i got", "guess how much i weigh", "look at all my rolls"... etc etc. Some newbies and some stupidies think its ok to talk to any woman like that, outwith a porn context. I have not in any non Fa/Fat forum ever heard a guy say "you would look better if you were thinner". If it happens it will not be to the degree it does here. ie. frequently. In real life is some guy said to you that you would look better if you were thinner, unless you were a total sadcase you would dump them pretty quick.
I really can think of no other reason for guys thinking they can talk to people like they are talking to someone who is a sex worker.
Maby i am wrong but i can't think of any other reason.
Btw, i am not 'blaming' bbw models for some guys being dicks. They do a job and in many cases represent fat sexuality beautifully. I think though there is a line of confusion somewhere and that is where it lies.
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Old 07-28-2009, 01:38 PM   #57
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I don't know, obviously everyone's experience and everyone's luck is different but I have always assumed that if a guy thought I was too fat for his taste he wouldn't ask me out to begin with, meaning i would never know about it (in the spirit of what you don't know wont hurt you). Instead he would simply ask out someone he is actually attracted to. So why doesn't a guy who is attracted to someone larger than I am act accordingly, instead of treating me like a blow up doll he can inflate to his specifications.
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Old 07-28-2009, 02:00 PM   #58
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I really can think of no other reason for guys thinking they can talk to people like they are talking to someone who is a sex worker.
I think that there are other explanations. I’m just speculating here, because even at my most clueless I don’t think I’d have ever done this. Then again, I was never exposed to this sort of environment as an 18 year old suffused with an overload of testosterone and a deficiency in common sense. Anyway, here are a couple of other scenarios that might make some sort of sense of that kind of behavior.

First scenario: I call this the clueless egotist scenario
Imagine this situation:
1) You’ve always been interested in and turned on by fat, very fat women, weight gain, and all of that sort of stuff.
2) You’ve spent vast numbers of hours thinking about all of this stuff and know what all the sexist parts are to you.
3) You’ve never talked to anyone else about this sort of thing, because you’ve never met anyone who would admit that fat was sexy.
4) You come to a web site which embraces the idea that fat is sexy.
5) You figure out what everyone on the site must like, based on the sample of people you know who think fat is sexy. That is to say, yourself. So you expect that everyone else on the site will like the same things that you like, and be as enthusiastic about them as you are.
6) You see some woman on the site that you get bold enough to virtually approach, and eagerly start talking about all the great stuff that you are sure she must like (since she is on the site, and therefore must like the same things you do).

Second scenario: I call this the low-k-high-n scenario
Imagine this mind set (although it is probably not thought through so explicitly).
1) You know exactly what you are hoping to meet in a woman.
2) You don’t care what the other three billion women in the world think of you, so long as you find that one woman who is what you want.
3) You know that finding what you want is going to be hard, because it is not that common.
4) Then maybe it makes sense to approach each and every woman who has even the tiniest chance of being what you want, and essentially say “Here is my fantasy, do you match my fantasy?” (In this case this probably takes the form of “You look good but would look good fatter, how much weight do you want to gain?” or something along those lines).
5) Since you don’t really care about the opinion of those women who are not your ideal, there is no real point in wasting time in being diplomatic towards them, might as well just hit them up and see what they say.
6) You know that your odds of success (k) with this approach is low, so to have much chance at all you need to maximize your sample size (n). Note that this is the opposite of standard dating, where you date a small sample of people (low n) and try to maximize your chances with each of them (high k). The low-k-high-n approach also explains the guy who goes around a bar and propositions every woman there as closing time approaches. That he annoys almost all of them doesn’t matter, when once a week or so one agrees to go home with him.
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Old 07-28-2009, 06:37 PM   #59
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Some times that is hard to do Olwen..We all want to be attractive to others and when you have random people telling you that you aren't blah blah blah it bothers you..I really do not think it is just a female problem...I think some men suffer the same way,they just do not discuss it as much as women do..You know a woman telling a man he is not worthy because he is to short,to tall,to skinny,to fat,to bald,to much hair and on and on and on has to hurt him just as much..

No matter how much body love you have for yourself hearing someone else tell you how hot you look and how much they admire your body helps,it's an ego booster..I know it seems shallow but we all have the need to be desired for our bodies and our minds..Nothing better then a person saying damn you look so good to make you feel good...JMO anyways..

I agree 100% that we are not some people's cup of tea and that there is someone out there that will find us attractive..Some times you got to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince..
Oh I understand that, believe me, I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I've been told I'm not enough of/too much of something, and not just by men. It can be difficult, but I think maybe the thing that helps me cope with that is this thought: "That guy just isn't for me" or "That woman just has a bug up her butt." Those comments either make me roll my eyes or just laugh. Plus I've only got so much energy. I'd rather not waste the energy I've got on jerks....I think maybe for me energy conservation drives a lot of what I do and how I react. I'd rather use my energy for other things, otherwise I get mentally and physically tired.
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Old 07-28-2009, 06:53 PM   #60
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I still maintain that the reason 'some' guys think it is ok for their opening shtick to be "how big is your belly", "how much do you weigh", "You would look even better if you weighed x amount more" Is because they get confused and don't seem to realise that not all the women here are paysite models. I know that part of many Paysite models jobs is to play into many fantasies ie "Look at how fat i got", "guess how much i weigh", "look at all my rolls"... etc etc. Some newbies and some stupidies think its ok to talk to any woman like that, outwith a porn context. I have not in any non Fa/Fat forum ever heard a guy say "you would look better if you were thinner". If it happens it will not be to the degree it does here. ie. frequently. In real life is some guy said to you that you would look better if you were thinner, unless you were a total sadcase you would dump them pretty quick.
I really can think of no other reason for guys thinking they can talk to people like they are talking to someone who is a sex worker.
Maby i am wrong but i can't think of any other reason.
Btw, i am not 'blaming' bbw models for some guys being dicks. They do a job and in many cases represent fat sexuality beautifully. I think though there is a line of confusion somewhere and that is where it lies.
Mer, it's not just this site where that happens. I've had that you'd be hotter if... comment on various dating sites and in person as well all my life. I think it's just that men sometimes - the tactless ones - get to thinking that they can say anything that comes into their heads because they:

a) are used to being catered to sexually in the world at large: every ad agency, every medium, just society is at fault. Male fantasy is often the default in western society, well in other societies too. Because men occupy a place of overall privilege they might feel entitled to express their desires regardless of how they go about it. They can't be wrong if society has given them carte blanche to do as they please.

b)they might be of the mind that fat girls would be grateful to hear any "compliment" they prooffer, because after all, most fat girls would never be able to distinguish between sexual harassment and actual compliments. (that was a bit of sarcasm btw) It's almost like maybe they think we either don't deserve respect or they think that we maybe don't respect ourselves enough to fight back or express sexual desires of our own.

c)they might think that "giving permission" to let it all hang out is what every fat girl wants to hear because that's what they fantasize about. That might be true for some, but I think maybe the ones with a case of the verbal diarrhea don't even know to stop and think that might not be true for all.
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Old 07-28-2009, 07:05 PM   #61
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everyone is judged by how they look...we are not that unique to it...

nose too big, too small
dick too big, too small
head too big, too small
body too big, too small
boobs too big, too small
too short, too tall
not enough hair, too much hair....

we all let it effect us, screw that ladies and gents, we are what we are...the sooner we accept that we are not perfect and go on with our lives, we will all be much happier, and yes, i am fully (or should i say fattily) aware that this is not an easy task...but one that should be undertaken at our earliest convenience...
Wise words, Di. Wise words.

I think I am at the point where I am trying not to take things like that too seriously. I don't have alot of time for the dumb shit. Just because a random someone doesn't find me attractive doesn't equal ugly. I don't know that I would have thought the same thing at 18 though; it might be something you grow into the more you become comfortable with yourself and you realize you are beautiful and perfectly imperfect as is.

I've been told I'm too small and it doesn't make me sad as it just annoys me and makes me want to yell, "Shut the fuck up!" from my proverbial mountain top. If its not one thing its another with humans...so now I'm choosing to focus on things that reaffirm what I think about myself and try my best to cancel out the rest.

So Kris, I say to you - know your worth! You are unique and lovely as is! Maybe something practical would be to begin by writing down five things you like about yourself and be sure to include more than physical attributes and do it for about a week or two, adding more things to the list as you go along. And instead of looking in the mirror searching for flaws to fix, try to see the reflection of magnificence. Trust me, it might feel silly at first, but it helps to keep reminding yourself everyday about how special and amazing you really are. Why? Because you really are.
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:45 AM   #62
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Maybe there's some sort of link between having socially unacceptable sexual preferences and being socially inept to begin with.
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Old 07-29-2009, 01:41 AM   #63
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Maybe there's some sort of link between having socially unacceptable sexual preferences and being socially inept to begin with.
I would love to pick that apart; and from two completely different perspectives, but I don't think this is the proper sub forum in which to do so.

Also, I need to keep my blood pressure within a desirable range.




This I will say to the ladies here. If *all* that a man cares about is numbers, "your stats", your size, your weight, whether or not you will gain for him, whether or not you are gaining/or have gained, if he says that you are not fat enough, or that you are too fat, he is not interested in YOU AS A PERSON, and even if he says he loves your fat or loves your body or says he loves you, if his main concern and every conversation revolves around the previous things mentioned he is not seeing you for who you are as a person.

If a guy wants you to change or become something different from what you are, it's not you he is interested in, it is the mental image he has in his mind that he finds stimulating.

If you want to find out if a guy acting like that really cares, tell him you like yourself as you are and that you refuse to change for anyone. Then watch and see how long he stays around.

If a guy can't accept you as you are, he isn't worth a dime or worth a second thought.

We all deserve better.
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Old 07-29-2009, 02:15 AM   #64
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Consider:

1) A lot of folks navigating the FA/BBW dating intersect will be inept. There are few models of correct FA behavior to be found in the greater world. One of the benefits of a thread like this is that it provides a tutorial for those willing to take in the lesson.

2) FA/BBW relationships are going to be strongly monkey-brain driven since their underlying foundation is physical attributes. BBWs need to remind FAs that their money-natures need to stay caged until boyfriend/girlfriend status is achieved.

3) Playing Pygmalion is a super turn-on to the monkey-brain. To it, nothing says you love me quite as much as being willing to shape yourself to its ideal. Discussion on this topic must occur (since vital health and relationship power dynamics are tied to it). However, it should be shelved until boyfriend/girlfriend status is achieved. And then, perfectly reasonable to insist that it be understood such transformations will never be more than bedroom fantasies.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:10 AM   #65
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Discussion on this topic must occur (since vital health and relationship power dynamics are tied to it). However, it should be shelved until boyfriend/girlfriend status is achieved. And then, perfectly reasonable to insist that it be understood such transformations will never be more than bedroom fantasies.
I think it should be discussed before boyfriend/girlfriend status. Even if it is discussed, you won't always get the truth. With enough discussion, you can kind of tell what makes someone tick or what gets them aroused.

Reasoning. Within the BBW/FA communities many (if not most) feeders hide behind the FA cloak. Closet feeders and/or encouragers know exactly how much -or how little-they can divulge about their 'wiring' without making the female feel uncomfortable. If a closet feeder likes a girl who is apposed to anything remotely related to feederism, he knows to keep his secret inclinations as best hidden as he possibly can.

re: the bedroom fantasies
It's a dangerous game to tease a feeder or encourager or to "play" being a feedee just to get someone's attention or to become their girlfriend. It's also not fair to them. One, most BBW really don't understand the mindset of a feeder or of an encourager. It's not somethinmg that can be turned off at will or walked away from just because you eventually tire of it. Two, it's not fair to humor them just so you can get a little affection or attention.

Even if you insist that the "transformations will never be more than bedroom fantasies" , he is still being permitted to indulge in those fantasies. You need to seriously ask yourself if you would be ok with your man fantasizing about you as someone other than who you really are, specifically as someone fatter.


No. My posts are not dissing feeders. My posts are more to inform those BBW who really don't understand feederism or the feeder mindset.

An FA will like you being whatever size or degree of fatness you happen to be. An encourager or feeder likes to imagine (or assist with) you gaining. It's the transformation and encouraging or helping that makes them tick.


Yeah, all this might seem as too much for this forum, but I think that BBW, especially the newer BBW need to understand what they may be dealing with when they start getting all that unfamiliar attention and worse, being told that they are too small or that they aren't fat enough. They need to know that there is nothing wrong with them being whatever size or shape they may presently be.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:36 AM   #66
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Crayola, meet feeders.
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Consider:

2) FA/BBW relationships are going to be strongly monkey-brain driven since their underlying foundation is physical attributes. BBWs need to remind FAs that their money-natures need to stay caged until boyfriend/girlfriend status is achieved.

.
Points well taken. Hmm the feeder thing is tricky I guess. I mean I suppose whether or not it is something you're into there are two ways to look at it. On the one hand is the idea of openness and honesty about preference etc. and the person who would want this discussed on the outset so they know what they are getting into. But on the other hand assuming that feederism is partly sexual (?) then it seems like something that would be inappropriate for that first impression stage. Though either way, monkey- brained or not, its kind of a blow to the ego to know the first thing you thought of when you saw me was that I could look better if i gained X pounds. I definitely see how this may not be that big a deal to someone looking for a feeder though so I guess the bottom line is know your audience on a date, or else tread lightly.

As for this monkey-brain business : I concur with you that there needs to be discussion etc. But I have little patience (not with you just the general concept) for the argument that because they may be socially inept so we should remind them to keep their fantasies caged until an appropriate time. I can understand being shy because perhaps there is less experience with women, but why socially inept. I assume the guy I am with has been to school and has a job which means he has interacted with people as opposed to living under a rock, so by now should have picked up on basic social skills of whats acceptable behavior when you first meet a person.

Even if I agreed that the poor guy may be socially inept I, personally, do not want to have to remind him how to behave. Why must that burden be on the BBW. (This is totally an aside but: how come the argument that the guy/FA may be socially inept comes up so often but not that the girl/BBW may be??) On a first date my preference is to be swept off my feet, and having to act like his mother kinda kills that mood . Yeah I know life isn't a fairy tale, all first dates do not and arent going to follow the knight on a white horse script but if I am insulted, embarassed, or otherwise made to feel uncomfortable on a date by being told I should be 50lbs heavier I can't really see date number two happening, because, even allowing for his good intentions or social ineptitude, who would want to take the chance of being in an awkward situation a second time.


ETA: Guess Angel and I were responding at the same time so I didnt get to read your response until I already wrote mine. Anyway just wanted to add that your post and Tad's I think make excellent point about what happen's online vs. what happens in person (or what happens between someone familiar with the community as opposed to not) and make me think whether our expectations and/or subsequent reactions should be adjusted accordingly.

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Old 07-29-2009, 03:44 AM   #67
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Mer, it's not just this site where that happens. I've had that you'd be hotter if... comment on various dating sites and in person as well all my life. I think it's just that men sometimes - the tactless ones - get to thinking that they can say anything that comes into their heads because they:

a) are used to being catered to sexually in the world at large: every ad agency, every medium, just society is at fault. Male fantasy is often the default in western society, well in other societies too. Because men occupy a place of overall privilege they might feel entitled to express their desires regardless of how they go about it. They can't be wrong if society has given them carte blanche to do as they please.

b)they might be of the mind that fat girls would be grateful to hear any "compliment" they prooffer, because after all, most fat girls would never be able to distinguish between sexual harassment and actual compliments. (that was a bit of sarcasm btw) It's almost like maybe they think we either don't deserve respect or they think that we maybe don't respect ourselves enough to fight back or express sexual desires of our own.

c)they might think that "giving permission" to let it all hang out is what every fat girl wants to hear because that's what they fantasize about. That might be true for some, but I think maybe the ones with a case of the verbal diarrhea don't even know to stop and think that might not be true for all.
Really? I had no idea. Ive just never had any experience of that on the outside world, only here. Though, i have never been on a dating site either. That sucks. I can't believe anyone would be so arogant as to try to change anyone!! I think it would be especially difficult if the woman was getting "you would be hotter if you were fatter" places like here and "you would be hotter if you were thinner" in other places.

In saying this, it does seem somewhat more socially acceptable somehow to say someone would look better if they gained weight than if they said they should lose weight. I'm not sure why that is, though its possibly to do with the fact that the latter is more recognised as a form of abuse that is talked about on tv, on problem pages etc, while telling someone they would look better fatter, seems to be very "scene" specific.

I am on board with the male privilage suggestion. I really think though that on here there seems to be less tact somehow in many ways.

Actually, angel reminded me (Its weird i hadn't seen it) that this sort of comment could actually be coming from people who have a weight gain fetish. When i first read this post, i took it to mean the guys saying "you would look better if you were fatter" were Fa's stating a preference (however crass it would be to state it). Though, i'm wondering if these requests/demands/statements/'compliments' come from some sort of sexual desperation. That the meer mention of weight gain or thought of it may even be enough to satiate some people with those tendences. In saying that there are a lot of people who are feeders on these boards and they are not all a bunch of feckless idiots. (its just funny i never thought of it as a feeder issue, just a tactless Fa one, which added a new dimensions i guess)

If the problem was that they thought Fat women would take any bit of attention they could give them and be happy with that, surely they would learn after the first time they tried their 'magic' on one of the many of the women who just wont put up with that kind of shit and will call them on it. The guy i was talking about earlier just doesn't give up; Seriously Its like he is a harassment robot pitbull! Its like his fantasy head just CANNOT give way to his 'people are humans' head..ever. I find this a bit weird and also very interesting.
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Old 07-29-2009, 04:34 AM   #68
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O've been told that Im too small and ive been told im too big. Guess it depends on who is looking.
I have sat on both sides of that fence. Those just arent the right people for me so I move on. Don't let it get you down Kris you're cute just the way you are. Just stay true to yourself.
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Old 07-29-2009, 08:58 AM   #69
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Originally Posted by Angel View Post
I think it should be discussed before boyfriend/girlfriend status. Even if it is discussed, you won't always get the truth. With enough discussion, you can kind of tell what makes someone tick or what gets them aroused.

Reasoning. Within the BBW/FA communities many (if not most) feeders hide behind the FA cloak. Closet feeders and/or encouragers know exactly how much -or how little-they can divulge about their 'wiring' without making the female feel uncomfortable. If a closet feeder likes a girl who is apposed to anything remotely related to feederism, he knows to keep his secret inclinations as best hidden as he possibly can.

re: the bedroom fantasies
It's a dangerous game to tease a feeder or encourager or to "play" being a feedee just to get someone's attention or to become their girlfriend. It's also not fair to them. One, most BBW really don't understand the mindset of a feeder or of an encourager. It's not somethinmg that can be turned off at will or walked away from just because you eventually tire of it. Two, it's not fair to humor them just so you can get a little affection or attention.

Even if you insist that the "transformations will never be more than bedroom fantasies" , he is still being permitted to indulge in those fantasies. You need to seriously ask yourself if you would be ok with your man fantasizing about you as someone other than who you really are, specifically as someone fatter.


No. My posts are not dissing feeders. My posts are more to inform those BBW who really don't understand feederism or the feeder mindset.

An FA will like you being whatever size or degree of fatness you happen to be. An encourager or feeder likes to imagine (or assist with) you gaining. It's the transformation and encouraging or helping that makes them tick.


Yeah, all this might seem as too much for this forum, but I think that BBW, especially the newer BBW need to understand what they may be dealing with when they start getting all that unfamiliar attention and worse, being told that they are too small or that they aren't fat enough. They need to know that there is nothing wrong with them being whatever size or shape they may presently be.
This is beyond intensely offensive.
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Old 07-29-2009, 09:13 AM   #70
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Thanks ladies (and mini?)
I guess I was just frustrated and it spewed
Oh, and to clarify, i'm *obviously* not anti-feeding. I wasn't talking about feeding, that's a totally different scenario.
Also, I know this isn't the weight board, so it's technically not protected, but just remember blanket statements about a group of people usually aren't true, including feeders

I actually don't really have this problem too much with a lot of feeders because they see it as a challenge I was more referencing "normal" fa's, and like i said, the smart part of my brain knows that a real, worthwhile person wouldn't ask you to change your body but my point was that it gets frustrating when it happens SO much.

And you girls were right about getting it from both ends too. I guess the only really bitter part of me that has to do with being bigger is the fact that I can't stand being told i'm too big from certain people and too small from other people, I hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

But yes. My point of this whole freaking book of a post was that I was not trashing feeders, and to be honest, i'm not a fan of the whole "they're out to get you" mentality because a lot of them aren't, and you shouldn't just throw someone aside because they're a feeder. Tons of people have kinks, and what you should worry about isn't really WHAT the kink is, but rather if he's able to remain respectful of you as person despite it.
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Old 07-29-2009, 09:27 AM   #71
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Originally Posted by Angel View Post
No. My posts are not dissing feeders. My posts are more to inform those BBW who really don't understand feederism or the feeder mindset.

An FA will like you being whatever size or degree of fatness you happen to be. An encourager or feeder likes to imagine (or assist with) you gaining. It's the transformation and encouraging or helping that makes them tick.


Yeah, all this might seem as too much for this forum, but I think that BBW, especially the newer BBW need to understand what they may be dealing with when they start getting all that unfamiliar attention and worse, being told that they are too small or that they aren't fat enough. They need to know that there is nothing wrong with them being whatever size or shape they may presently be.[/COLOR]
Maybe your intent wasn't to diss feeders, but I think you're making some really broad generalizations here. Sure, there are creeps out there who are also feeders. There are creeps in every sort of permutation of human sexuality. There are some self-aware, ethical, respectful feeders on this forum who are not the kind of person you've described. There's even some feeders who don't consider a partner's weight gain to be essential. Some feeders are even bisizual.

ETA: Tooz and krissmiss apparently got their posts in while I was still thinking about what I wanted to say in mine. My intent isn't to gang up on you.
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Old 07-29-2009, 01:41 PM   #72
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This is beyond intensely offensive.
It wasn't written to be offensive in any way, especially towards the guys (feeders) who are honest and upfront.

I am not saying that they have to tell the whole world (ie openly online) their personal business. (personal business here refering to if they identify with being a feeder or encourager or into weight gain)

On the other hand, and within the dynamics of a personal relationship, honesty and being truthful from the beginning would be appreciated by the majority of females (and vice versa).
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Old 07-29-2009, 01:47 PM   #73
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It wasn't written to be offensive in any way, especially towards the guys (feeders) who are honest and upfront.

I am not saying that they have to tell the whole world (ie openly online) their personal business. (personal business here refering to if they identify with being a feeder or encourager or into weight gain)

On the other hand, and within the dynamics of a personal relationship, honesty and being truthful from the beginning would be appreciated by the majority of females (and vice versa).
It doesn't matter how you meant it, honestly. It offends me as a fat woman and it offends the men and women I have spoken to who are feeders. It is offensive to me as a fat woman because the feel of the writing makes it as if we are a) helpless lambs and b) a huge group of vagina dentata. The overall tone was just incredibly alarming to me. Feeders are not all some group of people just WAITING to do covert fattening missions, unbeknownst to the bbw they are currently with.

I just don't know, it really rubbed me the wrong way.
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Old 07-29-2009, 02:30 PM   #74
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It doesn't matter how you meant it, honestly. It offends me as a fat woman and it offends the men and women I have spoken to who are feeders. It is offensive to me as a fat woman because the feel of the writing makes it as if we are a) helpless lambs and b) a huge group of vagina dentata. The overall tone was just incredibly alarming to me. Feeders are not all some group of people just WAITING to do covert fattening missions, unbeknownst to the bbw they are currently with.

I just don't know, it really rubbed me the wrong way.
I know what I meant and those that know me know what I meant, and they also know that I do not go around attempting to disrupt threads or rip anyone apart.

My beginnings with the BBW/FA community began in the beseen chat rooms. Those BBW that are familiar with the different fat community chat rooms from way back then and even up until now know the drill they faced as a newbie female. And yes, the board/forum dynamics are different in that you can read and ignore or overlook certain personatities. I think that alot of Dim forum posters (even some posting in this thread) got their start in chat. For example, on the forums you can skip reading the weight board. A female newbie in chat is gonna get the asl? how much do you weigh? what are your measurements? what did you eat today? are you full? are you into gaining? repeatedly from multiple random male chatters. Also, and sadly, that is usually where they (the BBW and even SSBBW) are often then told that they are not fat enough.

Some of you know how fat I am, and you know what? Even at my size, many guys (without even considering the realities) think I should gain another 100-200-300 pounds or more. To them it's not just a fantasy. I can't be any more plain than saying that I have absolutely nothing against encouragers or feeders who are honest within their individual personal relationships.



Tooz, since you are discussing my post with your feeder friends, go back and ask every one of them this. What type of man gives feeders a bad reputation or makes them (your feeder friends) almost ashamed to openly admit that they identify as a feeder or encourager? Maybe even ask them to come here and read this thread and my posts in their entirty and in complete context even, and you may find the feedback to be completely different.

Last edited by Angel; 07-29-2009 at 02:35 PM. Reason: added a couple words. brain works faster than typing ability
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Old 07-29-2009, 02:38 PM   #75
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Let's just be careful that this does not turn into feeder chat. There is a forum for that, and while some of this intertwines, to ' encourage ' outside people into giving feedback on this issue, well, does not really belong on this forum. Angel, you could start a thread over there.
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