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Old 08-24-2009, 10:53 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
Why must you sully my nice comment, with things I was not even thinking ?
Possibly because you're one of the snarkiest people on these forums?

I have no idea if you're serious. I can see you arguing for either side.
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Old 08-24-2009, 11:53 PM   #27
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Possibly because you're one of the snarkiest people on these forums?

I have no idea if you're serious. I can see you arguing for either side.

You call it snark...I call it humor, with a side of making a point. I guess we won't be marrying.



Oh, and, like I said to the boy I responded to...I was not even talking about people fantasizing about others. Carry on.
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:04 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
You call it snark...I call it humor, with a side of making a point. I guess we won't be marrying.



Oh, and, like I said to the boy I responded to...I was not even talking about people fantasizing about others. Carry on.
So what exactly was that point? And was it made before you after you switched sides?
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:12 AM   #29
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Thats where imagination comes into play...Its not impossible to maintain an erection or have sex with someone that may be outside of the our normal type of woman...just requires a tad more effort.
Let's see if I can help you all to understand. Of course, I may be off base, and Miss Mossy can clarify.

On the surface, this seems like a good thing to say. It seems as if you are in the moment with your partner, trying things that are exciting to you both, to ratchet up the excitement so that you can maintain your erection with someone who may be out of your "normal" type. Nothing wrong with that, seems great even, hence:

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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
There ought to be medals given to men like you.

The little bush smilie indicates that this is a positive response to what she thought you said.

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Originally Posted by Brach311 View Post
Did you honestly think men never think about other women?
Male truth spoils the moment. Women would probably not think to fuck someone they weren't slightly attracted to, and then to be able to get off, think about man to whom they were really attracted. I could be wrong here, but it has been my experience to work with what about my partner is sexy.

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Why must you sully my nice comment, with things I was not even thinking ?
Response is correct.

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Originally Posted by bdog View Post
Possibly because you're one of the snarkiest people on these forums?

I have no idea if you're serious. I can see you arguing for either side.
Your limitation.

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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
You call it snark...I call it humor, with a side of making a point. I guess we won't be marrying.



Oh, and, like I said to the boy I responded to...I was not even talking about people fantasizing about others. Carry on.
See, I told you. She never thought your remark was about fantasizing about other women.

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So what exactly was that point? And was it made before you after you switched sides?
See all above.
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:12 AM   #30
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I would die of mortification and misery if I ever found out that the man I'm with has to fantasize about somebody else while he's shagging me because my eyes would be wide open, focused on the reality of him and loving and enjoying every particle of who he is and what he looks like.

I never forget an episode of Nip Tuck where Christian shags a fat girl who wants to be thin and asks her to wear a brown paper bag over her head while he fucks her so that he can pretend she's his fiance. I wept through that entire scene because I couldn't believe she agreed to that.

To me any man who thought about somebody else, or imagined me fatter, thinner, fairer in complexion, whatever while with me has as good as put that bag over my head. And if I stay with somebody knowing that they wish I looked or felt different, I'm the fat girl who willingly, eagerly put a paper bag over her head for a fuck.

I'm meant to be your fantasy. If your fantasy is somebody fatter - I don't care how much you love my personality and enjoy being with me - go find that fatter girl cos I certainly won't be happy knowing you've settled. I just feel that I've spent too many years of my life already feeling like the girl men would settle for - or the one who'd be so amazing if only she lost 50 kilos! I have no intention of spending any time in a relationship where I'd be the girl who'd be phenomanal if she gained 50 kilos or grew a fatter ass.
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Old 08-25-2009, 11:36 AM   #31
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I was a lil tired when I posted last night. I meant my snark. My point was.......while people might go to a fantasy every now and then, while having sex with their partner....DON'T BE FUCKING SOMEONE OUTSIDE YOUR FLIPPIN' ' COMFORT ZONE ' TO BEGIN WITH.

Men might now and then think about other women. Women might now and then think about other men. If you are thinking that it is some noble act to tell some dude the tricks of keeping his dick hard with a woman he is not attracted to...then I will cook up a huge, heaping, helping of snark for you. Just let me get some lunch.

Oh...and...women are VERY visual. Keep that in mind, and don't let it keep you up at night ( not that way )...worrying.

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Old 08-25-2009, 12:00 PM   #32
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It is all about keeping his dick hard.

That is what my life has become. A quest to keep his dick hard. Only, not really so much. Not really so much at all.

I am what I am. If that's not good enough for my husband, he's free to search elsewhere ... after, that is, the issue of HALF is settled. Plus our child. And the house. And, he knows it. And if it ain't me he's thinking of while we're gettin' bizzy with each other, he at least has the common sense and the inherent good grace to keep his ever flippin' mouth shut about it. As I do, when sometimes I'm yearning for Legalos and his long, blonde locks and beautiful, youthful face and lean, fit body. And damn. That elfin outfit. Those tights

I don't understand why we have to keep having these angst-ridden conversations. Guys: You don't like what (forget about who) you're fucking? Do her a favor and move on. She'll find someone who is. Ladies: If he ain't into you, invest in a good vibrator while you're shopping around. Believe me, if he's been making a supreme effort to keep himself aroused while 'making love' to you ... that vibrator is going to feel pretty ... damn ... wonderful.
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Old 08-25-2009, 12:33 PM   #33
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[QUOTE=TraciJo67;1260699]It is all about keeping his dick hard.



I am what I am. If that's not good enough for my husband, he's free to search elsewhere ... after, that is, the issue of HALF is settled. Plus our child. And the house. And, he knows it. And if it ain't me he's thinking of while we're gettin' bizzy with each other, he at least has the common sense and the inherent good grace to keep his ever flippin' mouth shut about it. As I do, when sometimes I'm yearning for Legalos and his long, blonde locks and beautiful, youthful face and lean, fit body. And damn. That elfin outfit. Those tights
QUOTE]

Why do you speak so harshly about your husband? This isn't the first time that I've noticed this. If your marriage was to end, is it really just about splitting the goods?
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Old 08-25-2009, 12:37 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
I was a lil tired when I posted last night. I meant my snark. My point was.......while people might go to a fantasy every now and then, while having sex with their partner....DON'T BE FUCKING SOMEONE OUTSIDE YOUR FLIPPIN' ' COMFORT ZONE ' TO BEGIN WITH.

Men might now and then think about other women. Women might now and then think about other men. If you are thinking that it is some noble act to tell some dude the tricks of keeping his dick hard with a woman he is not attracted to...then I will cook up a huge, heaping, helping of snark for you. Just let me get some lunch.

Oh...and...women are VERY visual. Keep that in mind, and don't let it keep you up at night ( not that way )...worrying.

So then his original assessment of your comments was in fact correct, and the wishy-washy sarcastic innocence would in no way ever muddy the water and turn some off from your charm. <---- see? sarcasm is super fun when self-indulgent
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Old 08-25-2009, 12:44 PM   #35
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Why do you speak so harshly about your husband? This isn't the first time that I've noticed this. If your marriage was to end, is it really just about splitting the goods?
This isn't about my husband, at all. He is, as a complete aside, a genuinely decent man and I love him with all of my heart. My husband doesn't objectify me. He doesn't moan and piss about what he doesn't have ... i.e., a fat body to worship. Instead, he's adjusted to the reality of what I am, and he's been more than able to integrate it with who I am. If he were as shallow as what I've seen on display here, I'd leave him in a heartbeat and yes, you bet, it would be about dividing the assets. I deserve better, and I bloody well know it.
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Old 08-25-2009, 12:49 PM   #36
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So then his original assessment of your comments was in fact correct, and the wishy-washy sarcastic innocence would in no way ever muddy the water and turn some off from your charm. <---- see? sarcasm is super fun when self-indulgent

There was no " wishy-washy innocence " on my part. Dude. Really. I was being sarcastic from the get-go. The bullshit of what he going on about, got the obvious snark from me. Wait for it......................................
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:01 PM   #37
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Instead, he's adjusted to the reality of what I am, and he's been more than able to integrate it with who I am. If he were as shallow as what I've seen on display here, I'd leave him in a heartbeat and yes, you bet, it would be about dividing the assets. I deserve better, and I bloody well know it.
So, you're saying that you would not be able to adjust and integrate as he has?
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:07 PM   #38
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There was no " wishy-washy innocence " on my part. Dude. Really. I was being sarcastic from the get-go. The bullshit of what he going on about, got the obvious snark from me. Wait for it......................................
I really need to just go with my instincts and leave easily misinterpretable crap like wishy-washy out. Oh well, I knew not going into mass communication was a good idea at least.
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:26 PM   #39
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I really need to just go with my instincts and leave easily misinterpretable crap like wishy-washy out. Oh well, I knew not going into mass communication was a good idea at least.
......
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:41 PM   #40
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So, you're saying that you would not be able to adjust and integrate as he has?
No, I wouldn't be able to adjust and integrate to shallow and self-serving. Shouldn't that be ... astoundingly ... obvious?
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:43 PM   #41
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i've always found this an odd conundrum in dimsville. see, i think objectification is when someone's body is approached as if it is totally disembodied from a person and there is no consideration for who the person is or whether you like them at all or not. its 100% about body parts only.

attraction on the other hand is a natural thing. its the thing that intially gets us to consider another person as a partner.it makes us want to know more. after all, there are soooo many people in the world. how are we to chose the one to delve into for ourselves? so being attracted to someone isn't an evil thing.

i think the problem is that a lot of people confuse sexual arousal with love. you can like even have great affection for someone and be sexually aroused by them and not be in love. personally, i really believe that if you are with someone and if its truly love you don't feel like leaving simply because their weight changes. i think thats when someone needs to look at what they are really talking about. it might just be fetish. not there there is anything evil about it. a physical psycho sexual attachment is what it is. people have them and it doesn't make them bad. it can be hurtful though if it ends up with you lying to yourself and/or partner. but i think its a mistake to think its love. sometimes it can be love in conjunction with fetish. but then again sometimes its not. and for some people who or inexperienced or have other issues clouding things over it might be hard to tell the difference.

ultimately its the person who is the object of the attachment who has to think about it and assess it. do i really want these conditions on my relationship? longterm can i maintain my self worth under these kinds of conditions? for a lot of people male or female who need to maintian a distinct physical characteristic in order to be loved(?) it might not be something that they find really fulfilling longterm. even if there is some genuine love under there, you might always have the sneaking suspicion that the love aspect of the relationship might not be the most important thing to your partner. you might even feel disposable. i think a lot of people male/female, bbw/fa, might find that difficult to deal with.

i know it might seem perfectly natural to an FA who feels its a requirement for him to have a bbw. i can respect that. it is what it is for him and he has to be honest about that. there is enough lying going on anyway and i applaud people for telling the truth so that a bbw knows exactly what she is dealing with and can decide for herself. but if i turned the question around and said that i as a bbw required a man who was always in perfect physical condition (meaning highly muscular and fit) and always has all of his hair and if he failed i wouldn't desire him anymore even though i loved him... ? also, i would probably go elsewhere if sexual desire was gone. as an FA really out for love could you tell me how would you react to that? would you dump me like a hot rock? could you feel secure and happy in the knowledge and go merrily along your way? what would happen to your feelings of self worth if you began changing and you felt the difference in attraction? what if the bbw began looking at other men and maybe proposing that she go and satiate her sexual interests with someone else as often occurs in the bbw community? would you be able to make concessons like that in a love relationship? i'm not asking this in a combative way. i would really like to know your feelings about that because it interests me. and don't feel as though you have to tailor your answers to what might seem fair. just tell the truth because i (and i'm sure a lot of bbws) really woud like to understand how this plays itself out in your mind. i am well aware that sometimes the truth is not always what we feel it should be or might want it to be. i won't villify you for telling the truth. you can PM me if you don't want to respond here because i really want to know.

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Old 08-25-2009, 01:50 PM   #42
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No, I wouldn't be able to adjust and integrate to shallow and self-serving. Shouldn't that be ... astoundingly ... obvious?
INDEED....
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:51 PM   #43
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i am well aware that sometimes the truth is not always what we feel it should be or might want it to be. i won't villify you for telling the truth.
superd, a superlative post. You've expressed exactly what I've (in an increasingly frustrated effort) been trying to convey, and you managed to do it with grace.

I agree ... a man who *requires* a fat or very fat woman (or any size or type of woman at all) as a condition of having a romantic & sexual relationship is probably not in love with that woman ... at least, not in a way that is going to be meaningful to her. A man who strongly prefers a particular physical attribute can find ways to adjust, without making his partner feel that he's settling.

I don't think that there's anything inherently evil about the former, either (the man who requires a particular attribute) ... what I *do* think is wrong is when that man can't be honest with his partner & sometimes, can't even be honest with himself. That can cause a lot of harm, all the way around.
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Old 08-25-2009, 02:10 PM   #44
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superd, a superlative post. You've expressed exactly what I've (in an increasingly frustrated effort) been trying to convey, and you managed to do it with grace.

I agree ... a man who *requires* a fat or very fat woman (or any size or type of woman at all) as a condition of having a romantic & sexual relationship is probably not in love with that woman ... at least, not in a way that is going to be meaningful to her. A man who strongly prefers a particular physical attribute can find ways to adjust, without making his partner feel that he's settling.

I don't think that there's anything inherently evil about the former, either (the man who requires a particular attribute) ... what I *do* think is wrong is when that man can't be honest with his partner & sometimes, can't even be honest with himself. That can cause a lot of harm, all the way around.

yes its only fair to tell her the truth so that she can chose to deal with it if she wants to. thats the important part. we might not be able to change who were really are but we don't need to hurt anybody with it.
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Old 08-25-2009, 02:25 PM   #45
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I was a lil tired when I posted last night. I meant my snark. My point was.......while people might go to a fantasy every now and then, while having sex with their partner....DON'T BE FUCKING SOMEONE OUTSIDE YOUR FLIPPIN' ' COMFORT ZONE ' TO BEGIN WITH.

Men might now and then think about other women. Women might now and then think about other men. If you are thinking that it is some noble act to tell some dude the tricks of keeping his dick hard with a woman he is not attracted to...then I will cook up a huge, heaping, helping of snark for you. Just let me get some lunch.

Oh...and...women are VERY visual. Keep that in mind, and don't let it keep you up at night ( not that way )...worrying.

some good points here but how does a person know where their comfort zone is without having different experiences?
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Old 08-25-2009, 02:32 PM   #46
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I think liking, loving, and lusting can all be triggered by different things within one person. Liking is probably the most 'logical' of them all, and maybe the most dynamic--how someone treats you over time will usually change how much you like them.

Love can be a bit crazy, but ultimately makes some sort of sense if you look deep enough. We can fall into and out of love, and how the other person treats us surely affects that, but sometimes how love reacts to certain behavior is not at all obvious.

I think that sometimes lust is the least explainable of them all, as we all seem to lust for what we lust for, and often cannot explain why that is what we lust for. At the same time, in some ways it is the most constant, what sort of thing we lust for seems to generally not change a whole lot, although whether a particular person triggers that lust might change.

The impression I've gathered over the years is that for men, lust is farther separated from love than it is for women. That is, I get the impression that women are more apt to lust for someone because they love them, while men seem to have less of a linkage there. I have no data to back that up, just what I've gathered from hearing from various men and women over the years. I think this is one of those things that just is the way it is, there is no 'you should be more this way or that way,' it is just the way that we happen to be.

Note that I don't think this means men can't form lifelong monogamous and sexually active partnerships, no matter how their general lust for their partner varies over time. Most guys can find ways to muster up some lust if they put their will to it! Just as many women do when their libidos are going through lower cycles.
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Old 08-25-2009, 03:58 PM   #47
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Let's see if I can help you all to understand. Of course, I may be off base, and Miss Mossy can clarify.

On the surface, this seems like a good thing to say. It seems as if you are in the moment with your partner, trying things that are exciting to you both, to ratchet up the excitement so that you can maintain your erection with someone who may be out of your "normal" type. Nothing wrong with that, seems great even, hence:



The little bush smilie indicates that this is a positive response to what she thought you said.


Male truth spoils the moment. Women would probably not think to fuck someone they weren't slightly attracted to, and then to be able to get off, think about man to whom they were really attracted. I could be wrong here, but it has been my experience to work with what about my partner is sexy.

Response is correct.

Your limitation.


See, I told you. She never thought your remark was about fantasizing about other women.

See all above.

Smushy: You are a BBW of many talents - I guess I can now add Linguistic Master We can now call you Dr. Smushy
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Old 08-25-2009, 06:14 PM   #48
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So, you're saying that you would not be able to adjust and integrate as he has?
Adjust and integrate to what? Sorry, but EVERYONE has to adjust and integrate to body changes, no matter what they are. We get old, you know. We don't just get fat and skinny.
To any man to which it applies that views it as "adjusting and integrating", I invite you to have fun telling the 25 year-old BBWs that visually fit your current perfect woman image to adjust and integrate into liking your saggy old 65 year-old body when the time comes. Ain't happenin', peaches. Might as well get used to having to deal with change now while you still got it.


I think the best solution for the OP's issue is prevention. I just simply do not get involved with men that love my body and appreciate me. I get involved with men who love me and appreciate my body.
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Old 08-25-2009, 06:43 PM   #49
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i've always found this an odd conundrum in dimsville. see, i think objectification is when someone's body is approached as if it is totally disembodied from a person and there is no consideration for who the person is or whether you like them at all or not. its 100% about body parts only.

attraction on the other hand is a natural thing. its the thing that intially gets us to consider another person as a partner.it makes us want to know more. after all, there are soooo many people in the world. how are we to chose the one to delve into for ourselves? so being attracted to someone isn't an evil thing.

i think the problem is that a lot of people confuse sexual arousal with love. you can like even have great affection for someone and be sexually aroused by them and not be in love. personally, i really believe that if you are with someone and if its truly love you don't feel like leaving simply because their weight changes. i think thats when someone needs to look at what they are really talking about. it might just be fetish. not there there is anything evil about it. a physical psycho sexual attachment is what it is. people have them and it doesn't make them bad. it can be hurtful though if it ends up with you lying to yourself and/or partner. but i think its a mistake to think its love. sometimes it can be love in conjunction with fetish. but then again sometimes its not. and for some people who or inexperienced or have other issues clouding things over it might be hard to tell the difference.

ultimately its the person who is the object of the attachment who has to think about it and assess it. do i really want these conditions on my relationship? longterm can i maintain my self worth under these kinds of conditions? for a lot of people male or female who need to maintian a distinct physical characteristic in order to be loved(?) it might not be something that they find really fulfilling longterm. even if there is some genuine love under there, you might always have the sneaking suspicion that the love aspect of the relationship might not be the most important thing to your partner. you might even feel disposable. i think a lot of people male/female, bbw/fa, might find that difficult to deal with.

i know it might seem perfectly natural to an FA who feels its a requirement for him to have a bbw. i can respect that. it is what it is for him and he has to be honest about that. there is enough lying going on anyway and i applaud people for telling the truth so that a bbw knows exactly what she is dealing with and can decide for herself. but if i turned the question around and said that i as a bbw required a man who was always in perfect physical condition (meaning highly muscular and fit) and always has all of his hair and if he failed i wouldn't desire him anymore even though i loved him... ? also, i would probably go elsewhere if sexual desire was gone. as an FA really out for love could you tell me how would you react to that? would you dump me like a hot rock? could you feel secure and happy in the knowledge and go merrily along your way? what would happen to your feelings of self worth if you began changing and you felt the difference in attraction? what if the bbw began looking at other men and maybe proposing that she go and satiate her sexual interests with someone else as often occurs in the bbw community? would you be able to make concessons like that in a love relationship? i'm not asking this in a combative way. i would really like to know your feelings about that because it interests me. and don't feel as though you have to tailor your answers to what might seem fair. just tell the truth because i (and i'm sure a lot of bbws) really woud like to understand how this plays itself out in your mind. i am well aware that sometimes the truth is not always what we feel it should be or might want it to be. i won't villify you for telling the truth. you can PM me if you don't want to respond here because i really want to know.
Excellent post, points and perspective

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Originally Posted by katorade View Post
Adjust and integrate to what? Sorry, but EVERYONE has to adjust and integrate to body changes, no matter what they are. We get old, you know. We don't just get fat and skinny.
To any man to which it applies that views it as "adjusting and integrating", I invite you to have fun telling the 25 year-old BBWs that visually fit your current perfect woman image to adjust and integrate into liking your saggy old 65 year-old body when the time comes. Ain't happenin', peaches. Might as well get used to having to deal with change now while you still got it.


I think the best solution for the OP's issue is prevention. I just simply do not get involved with men that love my body and appreciate me. I get involved with men who love me and appreciate my body.
I just fell madly in love with you...you had me at those last two sentences.

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Smushy: You are a BBW of many talents - I guess I can now add Linguistic Master We can now call you Dr. Smushy
Yes, I already proclaimed my weird, unflinching obsessive love for her in PM....but I suppose it's time to shout it from the roof tops.....
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:31 PM   #50
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i think the problem is that a lot of people confuse sexual arousal with love. you can like even have great affection for someone and be sexually aroused by them and not be in love.
I think the opposite scenario is the half that gets overlooked in this discussion.

The problem (at least for me) hasn't been that I become infatuated with BBWs and only care about their bodies. The problem has been that my heart falls for a person regardless of body type but then I find myself in love but not necessarily in lust. But love and lust aren't off/on switches, they vary in degree and quality, and I really appreciate that your post allows space for this.

Also, as much as some of the women here might be upset with men who might date outside their "comfort zone", the women in my life haven't been upset with me. I'm always clear about my preferences from the beginning, and try to steer things in the friend zone. But, you know, sometimes i really want to kiss a curvy (not bbw) girl, and sometimes they really want to kiss me, and if a little heartbreak is the price to pay for becoming really close with an ill-fated lover, then so be it, so long as both parties know the risks. This particular example and myself are good friends and care a lot for each other, and neither of us regrets our actions. She doesn't consider me shallow. (she's also a therapist... so one could and should presume her values and self esteem are just fine)

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but if i turned the question around and said that i as a bbw required a man who was always in perfect physical condition (meaning highly muscular and fit) and always has all of his hair and if he failed i wouldn't desire him anymore even though i loved him... ?
Hmm... I take it as a given that my lover's attraction for me will vary over time. I also take it as a given that she wouldn't mind if I grew an inch, in just about any direction. I also take it as a given that she fantasizes about other men when I'm not around. I know she uses her "female prowess" around men other than me. While in a relationship with me other men have picked up the check for her, and she has looked pretty for them. And these things bothered me to an extent. My jealousy has been aroused. My insecurities have been tickled. Conversations have been had. But in the end am I ok with it all? Yes.

My lover does like fit men. She told me that from the beginning. She's also seen old pictures of me (with a crazy long beard) and said she's not attracted to that person. This, of course, was met with some arguing from me. "Come on... it's still the same cute face under all that hair. The same charm... humor... sparkling eyes." And she was pretty adamant that she's not attracted to that person. And really, what's the use of arguing? I stay in shape, keep my hair relatively short. If it made me very unhappy to do these things I wouldn't do them.

In the end, she's a person trying to be happy and fulfilled. And I'm a person trying to be happy and fulfilled. As difficult as it is, we both try not to tell the other person how they should find their happiness and fulfillment.
And it's been very difficult at times. But the reward for our honesty is a genuine respect for the real person, and not the imagined one.

Last edited by bdog; 08-25-2009 at 09:36 PM.
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