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Old 08-25-2009, 09:58 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
There was no " wishy-washy innocence " on my part. Dude. Really. I was being sarcastic from the get-go. The bullshit of what he going on about, got the obvious snark from me. Wait for it......................................
Hmm... Life's just not that simple. Like sometimes I haven't been too horny so I'll fantasize in order to please my lover. And when I get closer to climaxing I'll return all my attentions to the person I'm with, and I feel much better that way. But if I didn't fantasize I probably wouldn't be able to climax with her. And if I were being truly selfish I might just be sleeping the whole time.

Is it the right decision? Maybe not. But I'm not an asshole for trying. Lovemaking happens spontaneously... you don't always have time to figure out the very best course of action.

So I didn't know if you were being snarky... cuz in some ways it's just pragmatic. Because until we find the one special person who will love us unconditionally for the rest of our life, through THICK and thin, we have to accept everyone else. And if we have to accept everyone else, why not just go ahead and love them, imperfect as they are.
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Old 08-26-2009, 06:24 AM   #52
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Adjust and integrate to what? Sorry, but EVERYONE has to adjust and integrate to body changes, no matter what they are. We get old, you know. We don't just get fat and skinny.
To any man to which it applies that views it as "adjusting and integrating", I invite you to have fun telling the 25 year-old BBWs that visually fit your current perfect woman image to adjust and integrate into liking your saggy old 65 year-old body when the time comes. Ain't happenin', peaches. Might as well get used to having to deal with change now while you still got it.


I think the best solution for the OP's issue is prevention. I just simply do not get involved with men that love my body and appreciate me. I get involved with men who love me and appreciate my body.

I don't get what you're saying here. I was asking if TraciJo would be able to adjust to and integrate her husband's idiosyncracies, as she credits him for adjusting to hers, quoting her here: "Instead, he's adjusted to the reality of what I am, and he's been more than able to integrate it with who I am." She replied by saying that she would not be able to adjust and integrate to certain things. Those were all her words, not mine. But thanks for the lecture anyway.
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Old 08-26-2009, 07:22 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i've always found this an odd conundrum in dimsville. see, i think objectification is when someone's body is approached as if it is totally disembodied from a person and there is no consideration for who the person is or whether you like them at all or not. its 100% about body parts only.

attraction on the other hand is a natural thing. its the thing that intially gets us to consider another person as a partner.it makes us want to know more. after all, there are soooo many people in the world. how are we to chose the one to delve into for ourselves? so being attracted to someone isn't an evil thing.

i think the problem is that a lot of people confuse sexual arousal with love. you can like even have great affection for someone and be sexually aroused by them and not be in love. personally, i really believe that if you are with someone and if its truly love you don't feel like leaving simply because their weight changes. i think thats when someone needs to look at what they are really talking about. it might just be fetish. not there there is anything evil about it. a physical psycho sexual attachment is what it is. people have them and it doesn't make them bad. it can be hurtful though if it ends up with you lying to yourself and/or partner. but i think its a mistake to think its love. sometimes it can be love in conjunction with fetish. but then again sometimes its not. and for some people who or inexperienced or have other issues clouding things over it might be hard to tell the difference.

ultimately its the person who is the object of the attachment who has to think about it and assess it. do i really want these conditions on my relationship? longterm can i maintain my self worth under these kinds of conditions? for a lot of people male or female who need to maintian a distinct physical characteristic in order to be loved(?) it might not be something that they find really fulfilling longterm. even if there is some genuine love under there, you might always have the sneaking suspicion that the love aspect of the relationship might not be the most important thing to your partner. you might even feel disposable. i think a lot of people male/female, bbw/fa, might find that difficult to deal with.

i know it might seem perfectly natural to an FA who feels its a requirement for him to have a bbw. i can respect that. it is what it is for him and he has to be honest about that. there is enough lying going on anyway and i applaud people for telling the truth so that a bbw knows exactly what she is dealing with and can decide for herself. but if i turned the question around and said that i as a bbw required a man who was always in perfect physical condition (meaning highly muscular and fit) and always has all of his hair and if he failed i wouldn't desire him anymore even though i loved him... ? also, i would probably go elsewhere if sexual desire was gone. as an FA really out for love could you tell me how would you react to that? would you dump me like a hot rock? could you feel secure and happy in the knowledge and go merrily along your way? what would happen to your feelings of self worth if you began changing and you felt the difference in attraction? what if the bbw began looking at other men and maybe proposing that she go and satiate her sexual interests with someone else as often occurs in the bbw community? would you be able to make concessons like that in a love relationship? i'm not asking this in a combative way. i would really like to know your feelings about that because it interests me. and don't feel as though you have to tailor your answers to what might seem fair. just tell the truth because i (and i'm sure a lot of bbws) really woud like to understand how this plays itself out in your mind. i am well aware that sometimes the truth is not always what we feel it should be or might want it to be. i won't villify you for telling the truth. you can PM me if you don't want to respond here because i really want to know.
I'm gonna give off a bbw perspective here. Quick and simple. If a guy is all about PM'ing me telling me about my nice ass, boobs, whatnot, it is truly flattering, but it isn't relationship material. IMO, if someone's looking for a relationship, they aren't going to tell you right off the bat "ooh you's a juicy baby...etc". Us ladies know that's not relationship material- come on! And just because we are BBW, doesn't mean that we want someone who's a flat out FA. IMO, if I had someone following me around worshipping my body all day, I'd be a little creeped out.
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Old 08-26-2009, 09:28 AM   #54
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I don't get what you're saying here. I was asking if TraciJo would be able to adjust to and integrate her husband's idiosyncracies, as she credits him for adjusting to hers, quoting her here: "Instead, he's adjusted to the reality of what I am, and he's been more than able to integrate it with who I am." She replied by saying that she would not be able to adjust and integrate to certain things. Those were all her words, not mine. But thanks for the lecture anyway.
Mies, I'm not a doormat, nor would I tolerate a relationship with someone who has what *I* view to be massive character flaws. I can, happily have, and will continue to adjust to the physical changes that have happened with my hubby as he's aged (he's still a fine specimen, anyway), and there's no 'settling' going on for either of us. I would not adjust to shallow, self-involved, or being treated as an object to satisfy a fetish. Note: I am not suggesting that FA attraction to fat women is a fetish, but the overriding NEED to be with a fat woman to the extent that he'd be unable to perform if I wasn't fat, all else being equal ... that, in my mind, is a fetish. Disclaimer: I'm talking about people who are committed to each other, emotionally invested, and claim to love each other when referring to 'all else being equal'.

I am approaching this issue from the perspective of someone who has been married for 15+ years, and prior to marriage, in a 6-year committed relationship with my husband. To me, overwhelming physical attraction and intense desire and romantic notions of being "in love" are the very heady, very exciting stages of a new-ish relationship. And IMO, the beginning stages of a relationship are the times when people should be negotiating what they need, what they can/can't live without, what they expect from that relationship. I think that most of them end (as they should) when one partner can't be what the other is looking for. The tragedy is when one or both are incapable of honesty with self and/or each other ... much is vested in the relationship (merged lives, finances, children) ... and then years later, at great emotional cost, they "discover" that they didn't know each other at all. I lump the people with non-negotiable physical or material preferences into this category. Sad thing is, people will and do change, and nobody ... NOBODY ... should be held to an impossible standard. IMO, if you need a very fat woman, then you shouldn't be in a long-term committed relationship. Note again: No judgment here with regard to the preference. I reserve judgment for men who come to this forum and whine non-stop about how the wife lost weight or had WLS and now, he can't get it up anymore and she's changed (yeah, how she looks) and he can't stop obsessing over the numbers on the scale and how they're shrinking and blah blah blah and it's never his fault, either. It's always about HER and about how SHE didn't live up to her end of the 'bargain' (which she probably didn't even realize was an issue on the table; if she had, she'd probably have turned and run, not walked, away from the guy in question).

Last edited by TraciJo67; 08-26-2009 at 09:32 AM.
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Old 08-26-2009, 09:51 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by bdog View Post

The problem (at least for me) hasn't been that I become infatuated with BBWs and only care about their bodies. The problem has been that my heart falls for a person regardless of body type but then I find myself in love but not necessarily in lust. But love and lust aren't off/on switches, they vary in degree and quality, and I really appreciate that your post allows space for this.

Also, as much as some of the women here might be upset with men who might date outside their "comfort zone", the women in my life haven't been upset with me.
I'm always clear about my preferences from the beginning, and try to steer things in the friend zone. But, you know, sometimes i really want to kiss a curvy (not bbw) girl, and sometimes they really want to kiss me, and if a little heartbreak is the price to pay for becoming really close with an ill-fated lover, then so be it, so long as both parties know the risks. This particular example and myself are good friends and care a lot for each other, and neither of us regrets our actions. She doesn't consider me shallow. (she's also a therapist... so one could and should presume her values and self esteem are just fine)
I think I understand what you mean.....because it's happened to me, as well. Not all men I have dated in the past have knocked me over with their looks. It's acceptable, okay, whatever to date people that you don't find 100% physically attractive. Actually, I have found it's easier to get close to those kind of men because.....they are my friends first. I trust them more/easier and as we grow closer, they BECOME more physically attractive in my eyes.
The idea of kissing, holding, hugging (and yeah I'll say screwing) is easier in my mind's eye when I have feelings for them.
Is that what happens to you?

That doesn't mean that I don't notice another guy of physical beauty....however, if I COMMITTED to the "less attractive" guy, then it's not okay to say I will stray with any guy I deem more physically attractive.
It's NOT okay to make a COMMITMENT to a guy I do find to be the bomb, and, as we grow older, different together.....decide to screw around or dump him for someone I think is better looking.
What if he gains a lot of weight.....does that make it okay for me to find a lover on the side? What, to use SuperO's example, goes bald? Should I dump him?
Marriage, LTRs....even just promises.....most people need to know ahead of time if there are conditionss or dealbreakers....such as a man saying that he will leave her if she doesn't always weight XYZ.
The commitment changes everything.......I think you might understand what I mean.


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Hmm... I take it as a given that my lover's attraction for me will vary over time. I also take it as a given that she wouldn't mind if I grew an inch, in just about any direction. I also take it as a given that she fantasizes about other men when I'm not around. I know she uses her "female prowess" around men other than me. While in a relationship with me other men have picked up the check for her, and she has looked pretty for them. And these things bothered me to an extent. My jealousy has been aroused. My insecurities have been tickled. Conversations have been had. But in the end am I ok with it all? Yes.

My lover does like fit men. She told me that from the beginning. She's also seen old pictures of me (with a crazy long beard) and said she's not attracted to that person. This, of course, was met with some arguing from me. "Come on... it's still the same cute face under all that hair. The same charm... humor... sparkling eyes." And she was pretty adamant that she's not attracted to that person. And really, what's the use of arguing? I stay in shape, keep my hair relatively short. If it made me very unhappy to do these things I wouldn't do them.
But....reading your post, I took the implication to be that she won't want to be with you if you looked "different". Would that be part of your decision making if you were to marry this woman? What if you LOST your hair?
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Old 08-26-2009, 10:15 AM   #56
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TraciJo, thanks for the calm and enlightening response. I share most of your views, although I would rather not be as quick and glib about the consequences of failing to "adjust and integrate".

That last post of mine wasn't in response to you, it was actually addressed to katorade. She seems to have an issue with your idea of "adjusting and integrating", something which I understand quite well after 22 years of marriage. I don't know why she didn't address that to you rather than turn it into an attack on men (or just me, it's hard to tell). Sadly, that seems to be the normal routine here at Dims.

My wife and I had a problem with "adjusting and integrating", went to marriage counseling, learned how to adjust and integrate, and saved our marriage, thank goodness. From what I read here, it doesn't seem that everyone feels it's worth the effort.
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Old 08-26-2009, 10:52 AM   #57
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TraciJo, thanks for the calm and enlightening response. I share most of your views, although I would rather not be as quick and glib about the consequences of failing to "adjust and integrate".
I have the luxury of quick & glib expression, because I know that the scenario I painted isn't my reality. I would be emotionally shattered, if I found out today that the man I've loved for 21+ years felt that he'd 'settled' for me, or that he was closing his eyes and fantasizing about Queen Latifah most of the time while making love to me, or if he just flat-out said he wasn't in love with me anymore. I would still be righteously indignant, and despite the knowledge that I'd grieve and mourn the loss of our relationship, I'd also know that eventually, I'd be OK. That, maybe, is where the 'glib' is coming from.

Quote:
That last post of mine wasn't in response to you, it was actually addressed to katorade. She seems to have an issue with your idea of "adjusting and integrating", something which I understand quite well after 22 years of marriage. I don't know why she didn't address that to you rather than turn it into an attack on men (or just me, it's hard to tell). Sadly, that seems to be the normal routine here at Dims.
I think she may have been assuming what I assumed, which is that you were comparing my inability (unwillingness) to adjust and integrate to character flaws with someone's inability to adjust to a new physical reality for his/her partner.

Quote:
My wife and I had a problem with "adjusting and integrating", went to marriage counseling, learned how to adjust and integrate, and saved our marriage, thank goodness. From what I read here, it doesn't seem that everyone feels it's worth the effort.
Speaking as another long-term married person, I congratulate you, coz I know how difficult it can be to hit those double digits (anniversary wise ). To me the most challenging thing has been the unexpected reality that sometimes, we *don't* mesh and we don't get along well and sometimes, we don't even like each other very much. I once believed that we'd always be happy with each other, and that any indication of unrest or boredom or marital strife was a red flag that the relationship was in trouble. I now picture it something like this: A few years ago, we went on a holiday at an ocean-side resort and for the first time in my life, I got to wade out into the ocean on a windy day and feel the waves crash over me. It was a little bit scary but mostly exhilarating as I stood there and waited for the next surge. That's our marriage: Periods of stagnation, and periods of joy and excitement, and mostly just the reassuring calm of everything that's in between.
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Old 08-26-2009, 05:12 PM   #58
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I'm gonna give off a bbw perspective here. Quick and simple. If a guy is all about PM'ing me telling me about my nice ass, boobs, whatnot, it is truly flattering, but it isn't relationship material. IMO, if someone's looking for a relationship, they aren't going to tell you right off the bat "ooh you's a juicy baby...etc". Us ladies know that's not relationship material- come on! And just because we are BBW, doesn't mean that we want someone who's a flat out FA. IMO, if I had someone following me around worshipping my body all day, I'd be a little creeped out.
yes sometimes i wonder if we are being completely genuine if we engage seriously with guys on this level even though we know we are interested in more than just a sexual experience. i agree that when a guy is talking this way to a woman up front that she should know exactly what he is out for. do you think that sometimes bbws like other women are always trying to change men and ignore it when they tell them outright who they really are and what they are really want? i wonder why we even waste our time getting so upset about it. maybe we worry too much about people who just aren't our types in the first place and not enough about moving forward and finding a guy who is our type. if we are self possessed why should it matter if some guy tries to objectify us if we aren't playing into his hands, if that isn't what we want. dont we have some responsibility in what happens between ourselves and some guy? we do have a choice don't we?
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Old 08-26-2009, 08:04 PM   #59
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TraciJo, thanks for the calm and enlightening response. I share most of your views, although I would rather not be as quick and glib about the consequences of failing to "adjust and integrate".

That last post of mine wasn't in response to you, it was actually addressed to katorade. She seems to have an issue with your idea of "adjusting and integrating", something which I understand quite well after 22 years of marriage. I don't know why she didn't address that to you rather than turn it into an attack on men (or just me, it's hard to tell). Sadly, that seems to be the normal routine here at Dims.

My wife and I had a problem with "adjusting and integrating", went to marriage counseling, learned how to adjust and integrate, and saved our marriage, thank goodness. From what I read here, it doesn't seem that everyone feels it's worth the effort.

No, I seem to have an issue with the comparison of someone not putting up with a destructive personality to someone not putting up with physical changes in their partner. News flash: You have absolutely 0% chance of your partner NOT changing. You CAN however, work on not being a jerk.

And please, don't suspect that I'm just a man-hater. I just call 'em how I see 'em, equal opportunity.

Last edited by katorade; 08-26-2009 at 08:07 PM.
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Old 08-26-2009, 09:06 PM   #60
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yes sometimes i wonder if we are being completely genuine if we engage seriously with guys on this level even though we know we are interested in more than just a sexual experience. i agree that when a guy is talking this way to a woman up front that she should know exactly what he is out for. do you think that sometimes bbws like other women are always trying to change men and ignore it when they tell them outright who they really are and what they are really want? i wonder why we even waste our time getting so upset about it. maybe we worry too much about people who just aren't our types in the first place and not enough about moving forward and finding a guy who is our type. if we are self possessed why should it matter if some guy tries to objectify us if we aren't playing into his hands, if that isn't what we want. dont we have some responsibility in what happens between ourselves and some guy? we do have a choice don't we?
Of course, we can choose our own destiny. However, for many of us it takes years and years to realize that we are in control of our own actions, we cannot change the ways of others, and we have to learn to weed out the losers from the winners. I know I'm only 19, had only 2 boyfriends, and probably no nothing of the dating world, but those 2 relationships lasted very long. The first was 2 years, and this one I'm in currently is going on 3 years. I have seen my mom get abused from my father. She tried to see past his abusive ways, tried to change him, etc... It obviously didn't work. I see the same pattern emerging with my sisters. They are definitely beautiful and smart and deserve so much more, but don't realize that they can be the ultimate deciding factor whether a relationship works or not. I realize this. I know I am in control of my actions. I know what I want in a guy. I know when guys are looking for ass, when they're trying to hurt your feelings to bring themselves up. I know that guys feed off of girls that are not confident. They want that power. It freaks a guy out to not have that power over a girl. And there are all too many of us (not just on dims, its in reall life too) that are more than desperate to find that true love, and we try to settle and change what has been handed to us, unwilling to find a true match and giving up, or simply just not knowing that there are better people out there. So there we have it, when we get desperate for that love and affection, so much so that we will stoop down to any level to get it- whether that means accepting the derrogatory comments from men, because it's what we feel we deserve. We hope these men are much more than what meets the eye, but we are soon deceived. There are a lot of guys out there for the ass. There are a lot of guys who are legit looking for a real and genuine relationship. But it is up to us ladies to stand up and realize that we don't have to settle for what we dont want, and stop ignoring the facts that men are presenting us when they blatantly hit on us inappropriately.
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Old 08-26-2009, 10:09 PM   #61
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You CAN however, work on not being a jerk.
Geez, what did I ever do to you, lady?
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Old 08-26-2009, 10:11 PM   #62
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I wasn't referring to YOU specifically, I was referring to the general "you".
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Old 08-27-2009, 12:23 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I think I understand what you mean.....because it's happened to me, as well. Not all men I have dated in the past have knocked me over with their looks. It's acceptable, okay, whatever to date people that you don't find 100% physically attractive. Actually, I have found it's easier to get close to those kind of men because.....they are my friends first. I trust them more/easier and as we grow closer, they BECOME more physically attractive in my eyes.
The idea of kissing, holding, hugging (and yeah I'll say screwing) is easier in my mind's eye when I have feelings for them.
Is that what happens to you?
I think that's the female equivalent, which is pretty close but not identical.
But yeah, that friendly lunch date that ends up being an entire afternoon of talking, followed by randomly going into a church because it's cold and they're offering free hot cocoa and cookies, which leads to a sweet moment sitting under pretty lights listening to a 13 year old play christmas songs, which is followed by a drink or two. I mean, come on, if you feel like kissing just kiss. I think it's ok to have cuddlers for those times when we don't have lovers... just gotta be honest about feelings and intentions.

So I think the difference is that while I'm pretty keen on kissing/dating girls who are cute and sweet and warm and available, going much further is a plus size only affair. It took me some years of learning about myself and society and conditioning to really realize and embrace the fact that I only go for BBWs. And now that I'm here it's like, "Hey... you should like me at any size!"

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But....reading your post, I took the implication to be that she won't want to be with you if you looked "different". Would that be part of your decision making if you were to marry this woman? What if you LOST your hair?
Commitment changes everything. One day I might wake up and think, "The most important thing in my life is to stay with this person. Doesn't matter if she's fat. Doesn't matter if we're poor. And I know in my heart she feels the same about me." Then on that day I'll go buy a ring. But I don't think I'm going to get to that day without spending months or years with her. And really I'd prefer to marry a gal who is happy with her size and would probably only lose a significant amount of weight for health issues. Cuz why should a thin girl get to have me???
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Old 08-27-2009, 07:39 AM   #64
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I wasn't referring to YOU specifically, I was referring to the general "you".

Oh yeah, I've heard that General You is the biggest jerk in the whole Chinese army!
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Old 08-27-2009, 02:40 PM   #65
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Of course, we can choose our own destiny. However, for many of us it takes years and years to realize that we are in control of our own actions, we cannot change the ways of others, and we have to learn to weed out the losers from the winners. I know I'm only 19, had only 2 boyfriends, and probably no nothing of the dating world, but those 2 relationships lasted very long. The first was 2 years, and this one I'm in currently is going on 3 years. I have seen my mom get abused from my father. She tried to see past his abusive ways, tried to change him, etc... It obviously didn't work. I see the same pattern emerging with my sisters. They are definitely beautiful and smart and deserve so much more, but don't realize that they can be the ultimate deciding factor whether a relationship works or not. I realize this. I know I am in control of my actions. I know what I want in a guy. I know when guys are looking for ass, when they're trying to hurt your feelings to bring themselves up. I know that guys feed off of girls that are not confident. They want that power. It freaks a guy out to not have that power over a girl. And there are all too many of us (not just on dims, its in reall life too) that are more than desperate to find that true love, and we try to settle and change what has been handed to us, unwilling to find a true match and giving up, or simply just not knowing that there are better people out there. So there we have it, when we get desperate for that love and affection, so much so that we will stoop down to any level to get it- whether that means accepting the derrogatory comments from men, because it's what we feel we deserve. We hope these men are much more than what meets the eye, but we are soon deceived. There are a lot of guys out there for the ass. There are a lot of guys who are legit looking for a real and genuine relationship. But it is up to us ladies to stand up and realize that we don't have to settle for what we dont want, and stop ignoring the facts that men are presenting us when they blatantly hit on us inappropriately.
yeah it does take a while to figure that stuff out. as a dusty one of 45 thats kinda why i'm here i guess. just to say that as a youngester, like i once was, if you think you need to work on a guy for him not to be an asshole its a waste of time. your right, i know a lot of amazing women too who are just trying to change guys and waiting around on them to change. i've done it myself. but what i finally did realize is that the guy should just naturally be the kind of guy you want. that should be his usual personality whether he is with you or not. nobody ever really changes. they are what they are. once i finally got to the place where i could realize that in life things were a whole lot more relaxing for me. there are a whole lot of truly wonderful men out there. i think maybe our problem can be that if we see enough assholes they kind of block our vision when a good one finally comes by.

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Old 08-28-2009, 02:31 PM   #66
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yeah it does take a while to figure that stuff out. as a dusty one of 45 thats kinda why i'm here i guess. just to say that as a youngester, like i once was, if you think you need to work on a guy for him not to be an asshole its a waste of time. your right, i know a lot of amazing women too who are just trying to change guys and waiting around on them to change. i've done it myself. but what i finally did realize is that the guy should just naturally be the kind of guy you want. that should be his usual personality whether he is with you or not. nobody ever really changes. they are what they are. once i finally got to the place where i could realize that in life things were a whole lot more relaxing for me. there are a whole lot of truly wonderful men out there. i think maybe our problem can be that if we see enough assholes they kind of block our vision when a good one finally comes by.
I think that we give up too easy by trying to "train" our boyfriends, but it would just probably be much easier to look for mr. right.
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Old 08-28-2009, 11:39 PM   #67
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And just because we are BBW, doesn't mean that we want someone who's a flat out FA.
I'm having some difficulty understanding your post. What do you mean when you use the term "flat out FA"?
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:40 AM   #68
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I think that if for some reason I lost weight (not on my own intentions) but for some unknown reason I know that my partner would be not as attracted to me, however what I would do is I would say oh I think IM gaining a few pounds or look my belly is comming back..Id still want to give that spark so Id play with him and the illusion or the suggestion can be as erotic as the real thing..I would feed his fantasy
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:42 AM   #69
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Originally Posted by Fuzzy Necromancer View Post
I'm having some difficulty understanding your post. What do you mean when you use the term "flat out FA"?
IM Thankful for the flat out F.A....!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:21 PM   #70
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yes...a man making everything about his penis and less about the woman he desires is objectifying, IMO.
A guy that just wants to ask me questions about my weight, size, etc and has ZILCH interest in knowing anything else about me is objectifying...and his questions aren't even really about me....but how well he will be satisfied.
There are other factors involved that go beyond feeling physically attracted to someone....and only caring about yourself when dealing with others is not a good way to treat other people.
I believe that is one of the things that takes it to the level of objectifying another human being.
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:34 PM   #71
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s as if you are in the moment with your partner, trying things that are exciting to you both, to ratchet up the excitement so that you can maintain your erection with someone who may be out of your "normal" type. Nothing wrong with that, seems great even, hence: ...

Male truth spoils the moment. Women would probably not think to fuck someone they weren't slightly attracted to, and then to be able to get off, think about man to whom they were really attracted. I could be wrong here, but it has been my experience to work with what about my partner is sexy.
Yes. Although, in the interest of enlightening a few wrong-headed minds:

Guys, when a woman sleeps with you, she isn't always thinking, "God! This is the best damned dick I've ever had! What can I do to keep HIM around?!"

Sometimes women are underwhelmed, too.

Of course, there are some awesome, considerate men who make great, giving lovers who wouldn't dream of pacing themselves mechanically through sex at any cost just because they want to get off.

Just sayin', Breadcrumb.


And ONE MORE THING...

Don't we have better things to talk about than male genital pleasure already?

Who cares if you can't get it up for this or that type of girl?

Honestly, your performance anxieties are not that interesting, fellas.
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:56 PM   #72
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Her being fat is not all that is needed for both involved?
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Old 08-29-2009, 09:18 PM   #73
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I'm having some difficulty understanding your post. What do you mean when you use the term "flat out FA"?
sorry for the crappy way that i write. I write similar to the way I speak in person, especially informally. It's probably something we say a lot in CT? But by "flat out FA" i mean an FA who seems to be weight obsessed, and there's nothing multi-dimensional about their portrayed personality. IDK if that cleared up anything.... sorry
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Old 08-30-2009, 05:48 AM   #74
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I've said it before and I'll say it again, but physical attraction is what attracts you to someone at first and I think anyone could be physically attractive to someone else. Would I objectify someone I'm with because I find her body to be simply irresistible and sexy? Why not? And I think someone who is being objectified would only find that to be wrong, if 1. the person objectifying only saw them for their body, and nothing else, or 2. the objectified hates her/his body. I know I'm not a shallow person and see bbw/ssbbws for more than their big boobs, or big booty, or big belly, or luscious legs, and any and all other feature I love about em, but when it comes to sex or time for arousal to engage in sex, you better believe I'm enjoying all those damn bodily features I love on my mate to the fullest
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Old 08-30-2009, 06:39 AM   #75
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Being able to get it up has zero to do why or if an FA objectifies his girl (I really don't understand how we ended up here)

I think a large part of why we objectify BBW'S is because most of us as FA's have had to or at least felt like we had to repress our feelings and desires. Now that we have a forum where we can express ourselves or a woman in our lives that understand that we do indeed desire her, well then we end up letting all those past desires and thoughts come rushing out and that ends up appearing as If we objectify fat woman when in reality we are all probably just learning (some slower than others) how to control ourselves. And I think it really only appears to be objectification. when we fall in love with a woman who we do physically desire so strongly and men being the visual creatures we are, we tend to get a bit one track at times
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Oh the life of an Fa.. its like a rollercoaster on a bouncy castle in a haunted mansion sometimes!
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