Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > FA/FFA forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-08-2009, 02:13 PM   #1
Keb
Princess
 
Keb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 927
Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default What do FAs mean when they say Confidence?

I've seen so many FAs write that they want a "confident BBW", but I'd love to get a discussion going on what that phrase actually means to FAs. I suspect that there are many different aspects of it, and it's going to vary a lot by who is saying it. At the same time, since people tend to be confident about some things and not confident about others, is there a specific sort of confidence that FAs in general are seeking (like sexual)? Confident people in general are attractive...what makes a Confident BBW different?

I'd love to hear your answers.
__________________
Happiness is making others happy.
Keb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2009, 02:29 PM   #2
Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the Twilight Zone
Posts: 4,561
Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Did you ever come across a copy of that bestseller from the '70's, I'm OK -- You're OK? That's pretty much what confidence means to me: someone who thinks he or she is -- perhaps not better than the next person -- but equally good and deserving. If you need an example, go look in the mirror.
__________________
Now all you women,
Don't you come around
Unless you weigh
'Bout fo' hundred pound...
-- Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
Dr. Feelgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2009, 09:22 PM   #3
rollhandler
 
rollhandler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 612
rollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticed
Default

To me the level of confidence speaks to the person themselves. A woman fat or thin who walks around looking like the world is against them tends to have a look about them that tends toward negative self image more than anything, but is also reflected in my experience with how they manage themselves as well.

A woman who has confidence holds her head up, dresses well, grooms better and has a more positive air about her that she is ready to tackle whatever the day throws at her. She is aware of how society views fat women and she is prepared to live life passionately regardless of this view.

Confidence in a fat girl whether real or merely portrayed to the outside world is something that I find attractive regardless of her actual body self image, although in a confident woman that confidence usually shows through to a more self positive body image. It says to the world "I accept me as an attractive woman and if you don't agree, who cares? You can move on." She seems confident as a person and a woman, and it shows in how she carries herself and portrays herself externally to the world in deportment and dress.

When I speak of confidence it is an outward appearance and manner of how she carries herself that regardless of body image seems like a stronger person psycologically and emotionally who possesses a sense of worthiness of the attention of admirers and friends alike. She tends to care for herself better because she feels she is worth the extra attention she pays to herself to look this way and how it seems to make her feel that she may be viewed in the public eye.
Rollhandler
rollhandler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2009, 10:10 PM   #4
The Orange Mage
♓ Fishy Pisces! ♓
 
The Orange Mage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,282
The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

All I ask...is for confidence that I am being completely honest when I say she looks great...that she looks hot...that's she cute as heck, and so on.

Basically if she knows I'm an FA, hangs around after that fact, but acts all "DO NOT WANT" about the actions that go along with my FA-ness then we have a problem.
The Orange Mage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2009, 05:20 PM   #5
Observer
Editor/Writer/Commentator
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,343
Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Observer has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Signs of BBW confidence -
1. Ability to be open and friendly with anyone

2. Willing to go anywhere or do anything she likes with her SO (beach, dinner, concert, visiting relatives etc) without being held back by size considerations

3. Having a wardrobe that looks classy

4. Being able to eat what she wants in a restaurant without apologizing

5. Able to deflect well-meant but unwanted advice on her size without feeling guilty

6. Ability to accept sincere compliments and praise of her SO as being genuine and merited.

7. Abiity to look herself in a mirrror naked and not feel guilty or ashamed.
Observer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2009, 06:05 PM   #6
EtobicokeFA
Proud FA
 
EtobicokeFA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New England
Posts: 3,225
EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!EtobicokeFA has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I always thought of the term "confident BBW", meant that a BBW is not ashamed of their body.
__________________
"When it comes to health. It's not the size of your ass that count as much as how much you move it!":D

"Health is not a body weight, it's a measure of fitness."
EtobicokeFA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2009, 06:42 PM   #7
PeriodicLurker
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 50
PeriodicLurker can now change their title
Default

Hey, this totally transcends BBW's and FA's and all that stuff....everybody's attracted to confidence. When somebody radiates confidence, other people trust that that person knows a lot more than they do, and that they can then cede some of their own responsibilities to that person. Outside of romance, people are attracted to confident salespeople because they behave as if they know more about themselves, the topic in question, and even yourself than you could ever know (this is why men and women alike will pay $700 to ogle Tony Robbins for a weekend seminar while he babbles absolutely worthless self-help b.s.)

I'm definitely attracted to BBW's, but even when I see a tit-less, ultra-thin club-hopping girl strutting around like she knows so much more than I do, well, I have to make sure that my pants are baggy around the waist. (And that arousal gets compounded a ton on that rare occasion that I've seen a voluptuous woman acting confidently.) But when somebody behaves like they don't know who they are and how others perceive them, it might not be a turn-off, necessarily, but it's definitely not gonna trigger passion, that's for sure.
PeriodicLurker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 12:32 AM   #8
bdog
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: santa fe
Posts: 315
bdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Hmm...

I look for beauty, intelligence, depth, a sense of humor, a good heart, integrity, and that sort of thing more than I look for confidence. Thin women with confidence don't give me erections, unlike the previous poster.

I know a few people who are confident, and they're also douche-bags, or at least people I'd never want to date. So, to me, I'm more interested in someone who is the bomb, rather than someone who thinks they're the bomb.

That being said, it's hard to get excited about someone who's not excited about life, and being excited about life generally implies some degree of confidence.
bdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 02:33 AM   #9
rollhandler
 
rollhandler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 612
rollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bdog View Post
Hmm...

I look for beauty, intelligence, depth, a sense of humor, a good heart, integrity, and that sort of thing more than I look for confidence. Thin women with confidence don't give me erections, unlike the previous poster.

I know a few people who are confident, and they're also douche-bags, or at least people I'd never want to date. So, to me, I'm more interested in someone who is the bomb, rather than someone who thinks they're the bomb.

That being said, it's hard to get excited about someone who's not excited about life, and being excited about life generally implies some degree of confidence.
I believe you are confusing confidence with arrogance and / or conceitedness.
Rollhandler
rollhandler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 07:44 AM   #10
CrankySpice
Unwashed.
 
CrankySpice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,044
CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CrankySpice has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I find it very interesting that two of the FA responses here equate "confidence" with a nice wardrobe and an interest in make-up/hairstyle.

As a woman, I would say that those particular traits aren't associated with confidence - I've known plenty of snappy dressers with the entire hair/nails/make-up package that are sorely lacking in confidence.

Likewise, I know several "plain" women who perhaps dress more for comfort than style or who don't care to take the time for fancy hairstyles or make-up who just absolutely ooze confidence.
CrankySpice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 08:04 AM   #11
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,422
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

This seems to be one of those questions that probably have no good, or at least conclusive, answer.

Given that FA are about as homogeneous a group as 'people who are left-handed' I don't claim to speak for other FA (and hopefully nor will they claim to speak for me). Also 'confidence' almost always requires a more to be meaningful....confindence in one's musical ability, confidence in your value as a person, confidence that you look great, confidence that you can manipulate others are all types of confidence, and all completely different from each other. What type of confidence a particular person is referring to is pretty much impossible to know without context.

Having said all of that, my guess would be that most often this would mean either social confidence or sexual confidence, but that is just a guess.

(and I hope that whenever I've talked about confidence I've been more specific about what I meant. I probably haven't always been clear, so my apologies for any time that I wasn't)
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 05:08 PM   #12
bdog
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: santa fe
Posts: 315
bdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rollhandler View Post
I believe you are confusing confidence with arrogance and / or conceitedness.
Rollhandler
I don't think so. Confidence and arrogance mean different things, and they can be found in the same person simultaneously.

If someone has depth and a good heart, well, those will probably mean that a person isn't arrogant.

Or, in other words, confidence is a great trait, but it's not a virtue.

I think maybe it's just not as high on the list of traits I'm attracted to because I can see potential in people.
bdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 05:12 PM   #13
bdog
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: santa fe
Posts: 315
bdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
Given that FA are about as homogeneous a group as 'people who are left-handed' I don't claim to speak for other FA (and hopefully nor will they claim to speak for me). Also 'confidence' almost always requires a more to be meaningful....confindence in one's musical ability, confidence in your value as a person, confidence that you look great, confidence that you can manipulate others are all types of confidence, and all completely different from each other. What type of confidence a particular person is referring to is pretty much impossible to know without context.
Agreed...

and might I add that the big difference I see is outward confidence vs inward self-assuredness. Very different forms of confidence... sometimes coupled together, but many times a person has more of one than the other.
bdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 05:47 PM   #14
StarWitness
part square, part drape
 
StarWitness's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sexcriminalboat
Posts: 692
StarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrankySpice View Post
I find it very interesting that two of the FA responses here equate "confidence" with a nice wardrobe and an interest in make-up/hairstyle.

As a woman, I would say that those particular traits aren't associated with confidence - I've known plenty of snappy dressers with the entire hair/nails/make-up package that are sorely lacking in confidence.

Likewise, I know several "plain" women who perhaps dress more for comfort than style or who don't care to take the time for fancy hairstyles or make-up who just absolutely ooze confidence.
Agreed. If anything, I think it takes a lot of confidence to publicly and consciously buck the expectations of one's gender.

With regards to the original topic... when it comes to confidence, I'm interested in guys who are okay with themselves and where they are in life.

I've noticed that a lot of BHM/FFA stories in the library feature a BHM who is very insecure and doesn't believe the FFA is interested in him, and a lot of the scenes involve him being suspicious of her motives, and her trying to simultaneously bolster his confidence and woo him. I don't share the attraction to that relationship pattern; I'd want to be with a guy who isn't going to rely on me for a self-esteem boost.
__________________
Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag. --Homer Simpson

I've always been a guy with a sweet tooth, and that girl's just like a king-size candy bar...
--Sleater-Kinney
StarWitness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2009, 08:30 PM   #15
rollhandler
 
rollhandler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 612
rollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticedrollhandler never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bdog View Post
Hmm...

I look for beauty, intelligence, depth, a sense of humor, a good heart, integrity, and that sort of thing more than I look for confidence. Thin women with confidence don't give me erections, unlike the previous poster.

I know a few people who are confident, and they're also douche-bags, or at least people I'd never want to date. So, to me, I'm more interested in someone who is the bomb, rather than someone who thinks they're the bomb.

That being said, it's hard to get excited about someone who's not excited about life, and being excited about life generally implies some degree of confidence.
To explain what I mean in this.
Your post contradicted itself by describing the traits of what you called confidence and implied that you wouldn't want to date someone with these traits. These traits that you described are arrogance and conceitedness.

Later in the post you defined confidence differently and mentioned that this trait would be acceptable to appreciate and attract you. That is all that I was speaking to in my post to you. In the first part the traits you describe are a form of confidence taken to the extreme but are defined as arrogance and conceit.

I am not slamming you by any means but merely correcting a common misconception in definition of the terms implied in context.
If you don't agree, that's fine. I don't want to argue, it's just my two cents worth.
Rollhandler
rollhandler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 11:18 AM   #16
CurvaceousBBWLover
Primordial
 
CurvaceousBBWLover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Baltimore Metro Area
Posts: 1,908
CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Observer View Post
Signs of BBW confidence -
1. Ability to be open and friendly with anyone

2. Willing to go anywhere or do anything she likes with her SO (beach, dinner, concert, visiting relatives etc) without being held back by size considerations

3. Having a wardrobe that looks classy

4. Being able to eat what she wants in a restaurant without apologizing

5. Able to deflect well-meant but unwanted advice on her size without feeling guilty

6. Ability to accept sincere compliments and praise of her SO as being genuine and merited.

7. Abiity to look herself in a mirrror naked and not feel guilty or ashamed.
You must spread the rep around before giving it to Observer again. Can somebody rep him for me, please?
__________________
"A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history."--Mohandas Ghandi
CurvaceousBBWLover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 11:23 AM   #17
CurvaceousBBWLover
Primordial
 
CurvaceousBBWLover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Baltimore Metro Area
Posts: 1,908
CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!CurvaceousBBWLover has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keb View Post
I've seen so many FAs write that they want a "confident BBW", but I'd love to get a discussion going on what that phrase actually means to FAs. I suspect that there are many different aspects of it, and it's going to vary a lot by who is saying it. At the same time, since people tend to be confident about some things and not confident about others, is there a specific sort of confidence that FAs in general are seeking (like sexual)? Confident people in general are attractive...what makes a Confident BBW different?

I'd love to hear your answers.
A confident BBW is:

1. someone who lives her life as she sees fit and does not loose sleep at night wondering what other people thing from one minute to the next. She ignores the people with mediocre minds and lifes life vigorously and courageously.

2. someone who takes pride in herself and in her appearance.

3. someone who does not throw herself at every man in sight.

4. someone who likes herself and has enthusiasm for life.
__________________
"A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history."--Mohandas Ghandi
CurvaceousBBWLover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 01:14 PM   #18
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keb View Post
I've seen so many FAs write that they want a "confident BBW", but I'd love to get a discussion going on what that phrase actually means to FAs. I suspect that there are many different aspects of it, and it's going to vary a lot by who is saying it. At the same time, since people tend to be confident about some things and not confident about others, is there a specific sort of confidence that FAs in general are seeking (like sexual)? Confident people in general are attractive...what makes a Confident BBW different?

I'd love to hear your answers.
For me its the opposite of timid. When I was single and dating I met (or at least corresponded with) far too many women who were afraid to let themselves enjoy life. They were afraid to give out their phone number and take an internet relationship to the next level. Afraid to meet for coffee or diner. Afraid to actually enjoy themselves once they actually decided to go on a date. They let apprehension rule their lives and they are NOT fun to hangout with.

In contrast confident women make decisions that give them the chance to enjoy life. They know that not every date will work out but they keep going on dates because they innately know that sitting at home is not a viable option.

If I remember correctly my wife gave me her phone number in her second email; we agreed to meet after a few phone calls; she took me home after our first date; and agreed to marry me on our third date -- definitely not a timid lady. There's something really sexy about a woman who just goes after what she wants and doesn't play games.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 02:39 PM   #19
UMBROBOYUM
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 473
UMBROBOYUM has super-sized repUMBROBOYUM has super-sized repUMBROBOYUM has super-sized repUMBROBOYUM has super-sized repUMBROBOYUM has super-sized rep
Default thoughts?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keb View Post
I've seen so many FAs write that they want a "confident BBW", but I'd love to get a discussion going on what that phrase actually means to FAs. I suspect that there are many different aspects of it, and it's going to vary a lot by who is saying it. At the same time, since people tend to be confident about some things and not confident about others, is there a specific sort of confidence that FAs in general are seeking (like sexual)? Confident people in general are attractive...what makes a Confident BBW different?

I'd love to hear your answers.
Its a long write so bare with me


A confident person is a confident person regardless of what or who they are I think. In other words I think what Some FAs mean when they want a confident woman, Is that they want someone who isn't always going to be insecure on how the feel about themselves and their own feelings of others. In other words I think most men/women want someone who is humble yet strong in their convictions in life. Since you asked specifically about FAs I can try to answer that in an accurate manner even though I'm Bi-sizual in terms of attraction. There is a confidence that i noted FAs and men in general want. The confidence of secure feelings about ones self.


For example a friend of mine once dated this nice woman. She was friendly sincere and a whole bunch of other great things, however she was always worried about things like if she making him happy or she consistently admit to me that she questioned whether or not he really liked her or if she looked good. She sometimes ask me before seeing her b/f and I'd tell she looked fine. This never seemed to have change her opinion of herself much though. I wont go into details but I analyzed what she was saying and ask her how she felt and she told me she thought she was no good sometimes based on her former relationships with guys and her family at home. As a result she had little to no confidence in herself. She thought "I'm no good so why would he ever like me for real?" This is and was most unfortunate for them both.


I saw that she didn't trust in my friend's feelings about her and her worth, and as result this discourage my friend to no end. He'd try to make the best of it, but she never really acknowledge his true intentions and feelings. If she had been less worried then I think they could have enjoyed themselves more. I remember a bunch of her friends and mine and myself tried to make her feel more confident. Our efforts were in vain though. I learned that sometimes you can't help someone feel confident unless they allow you to. To say the least, I and others spent a lot time to help her and it still didn't make a difference except for the fact that we were tired. You can only ask so much and go so far.


With that in mind I think Men seek confidence in bbws because there is less strain on their emotion strength. In other words if a guy said he thought his gal was beautiful and great and she always replied negatively about herself, the guy usually ends up thinking "Well, if shes saying that, Do i really make her happy? Does it matter at all what I say or do? What do I do to get her to smile and feel good?"


Believe or not sometimes we ask ourselves these things too, and after being with someone who consistently influences and precipitates those thoughts , a guy would leave. It wouldn't be necessarily because his gal was bad, but just that in the world that we live in today, there is little to no room for someone to have to hold up another person's feelings and emotions on top of their own. We can't expect to make someone feel better or have someone make us feel better all the time. From i've seen and experienced we have to be happy on our own first before sharing our emotions and bodies with others. Of course no one is 100% secure with themselves, but you should be happy enough not to doubt your own worth in front of others. If you're not happy with yourself then how can you expect others to be happy with you or make you happy? I understand people are social creatures, but there has to be some sort of individual self worth somewhere, to suppress it or denial it would be lying to oneself and their existence I think.


Back on track I can only assume from limited observation that F.A.'s and Non-F.A.s want the same thing in regards to your question. They seek out confident bbws because those are the people who live life to its fullest. They don't mope for days on end or refuse to acknowledge the feelings around them as truthful and sincere. They roll with the punches and move along. No one wants to be with someone who lives only in the past or in their own sorrow. Unfortunately some people cant help that either, but its no excuse for not trying to live the life you have. FA's like any other man, woman, bbw, person.. want the same things.


I'll start with a reverse idea/questions. How do you feel about non-confident F.A.s? what makes a person attracted to a confident F.A.? Why would a BBW seek out a confident F.A? An F.A that wasn't confident would think themselves good and because of that many would see that person as weak "willed" and as potential emotional taxation. It is also possible for that person to be viewed as insulting or betraying the person(s) to which their feelings are ascribe too.



I've seen BBWs get upset and angry about this insecurity with guys who claim they're F.As. Now I can see if you're young and learning about the world that you still don't know your place in it yet. But if you're a an adult like this you should think about looking at your life and seeing if its worth living in this manner. Whats the point of living in denial of who and what you are? Most everyone is or has the chance to be wonderful and true to themselves.



For some (not all) F.As an non confident/insecure BBW is the same as an Insecure F.A. If you're not sure about who you are and how you feel about me liking you, then why should I invest time and appreciation for you? F.As just like BBWs don't have time for games like that. Its not that they're cold hearted, but they're fed up with what the world tells them to like/be too. It's not the same as a BBW experience of course, but its there in most of the world culture too. F.As don't want to be with someone who has those same negative feelings about themselves. Just as a BBW doesn't want to be with someone who isn't confident about who they are and harbor the same negative feelings about themselves...



Men want women who are confident because it makes it easy for them to tell what they do and don't want. Its like that for both sides really. Since you asked that is part of why F.As want a confident BBW (sexually and/or not). This is my assumption based on observation and experience.
UMBROBOYUM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 02:48 PM   #20
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,064
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Looks like this is turning into a good thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Observer View Post
Signs of BBW confidence -
1. Ability to be open and friendly with anyone

2. Willing to go anywhere or do anything she likes with her SO (beach, dinner, concert, visiting relatives etc) without being held back by size considerations

3. Having a wardrobe that looks classy

4. Being able to eat what she wants in a restaurant without apologizing

5. Able to deflect well-meant but unwanted advice on her size without feeling guilty

6. Ability to accept sincere compliments and praise of her SO as being genuine and merited.

7. Abiity to look herself in a mirrror naked and not feel guilty or ashamed.
I like this......maybe because it looks like I am one of those "confident BBW" after all

Quote:
Originally Posted by CurvaceousBBWLover View Post
You must spread the rep around before giving it to Observer again. Can somebody rep him for me, please?
Got him- no worries

Quote:
Originally Posted by CurvaceousBBWLover View Post
A confident BBW is:

1. someone who lives her life as she sees fit and does not loose sleep at night wondering what other people thing from one minute to the next. She ignores the people with mediocre minds and lifes life vigorously and courageously.

2. someone who takes pride in herself and in her appearance.

3. someone who does not throw herself at every man in sight.

4. someone who likes herself and has enthusiasm for life.
I seem to fit this one, too....well...except for number 3.....but I do that because I am a tramp...not because I don't have confidence......
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 02:52 PM   #21
Keb
Princess
 
Keb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 927
Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Keb has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I'm really enjoying the responses so far. *hugs* all around! Thanks, guys, for giving me your input.
__________________
Happiness is making others happy.
Keb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 06:27 PM   #22
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Observer View Post
Signs of BBW confidence -
1. Ability to be open and friendly with anyone

2. Willing to go anywhere or do anything she likes with her SO (beach, dinner, concert, visiting relatives etc) without being held back by size considerations

3. Having a wardrobe that looks classy

4. Being able to eat what she wants in a restaurant without apologizing

5. Able to deflect well-meant but unwanted advice on her size without feeling guilty

6. Ability to accept sincere compliments and praise of her SO as being genuine and merited.

7. Abiity to look herself in a mirrror naked and not feel guilty or ashamed.

Earlier, someone talked about how the skinny chicks who know they're hot stuff & parade it around are "confident" and someone responded, saying that he felt the OP was confusing confidence with arrogance. I didn't think so then, and I don't think so now.

The thin hot chick knows that she's physically attractive, and she's confident with her appearance. I think the same is true of many hot fat chicks too. What you've written above is signs that a woman is confident about her appearance. I see very little to do with actual, innate confidence, though.

To me, true confidence comes from knowing yourself well, liking what you see, and having the courage to introspect (and forgive yourself for being human). It comes from the experience of knowing that you are capable, from being able to trust yourself to make wise decisions, and from the ability to appreciate and value what you have. None of that has a thing to do with how classy one's wardrobe is, or how willing to flaunt one's body in public, or anything really having to do with the physical. That is my experience.
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2009, 06:47 PM   #23
PeriodicLurker
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 50
PeriodicLurker can now change their title
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
....To me, true confidence comes from knowing yourself well, liking what you see, and having the courage to introspect (and forgive yourself for being human). ....
I just wanted to touch on the "forgive yourself for being human" part.

For whatever reason, I think that a significant percentage of people under 30 (women, probably, moreso than men) actually think that their human "flaws" are things to be ashamed of. Maybe it's because movies and TV constantly flaunt these romantically-lit, slow-mo shots of people in some other-worldly manner, but, somehow, lots of people think that when they stumble during a walk or stutter during a speech or have sweat beneath their arms, that they're somehow exposed as inferior beings. As if basic human nature makes their entire soul a lie.

When I was 21, I briefly dated a woman who was 28 or so. On our third or fourth date, I (tactfully) let her know that, well, a booger was hanging. Sure, it was kinda gross, but that's life, right? She immediately forced a really humiliated, fake laugh out and blushed so deeply. Then she kept talking about the foods she'd eaten earlier and all this to try and, like, make an excuse. I repeatedly kept telling her, "Look, it's not a big deal! Forget it already! You've got nothing to be ashamed of." I don't know that it did any good. (This was a problem because, at 21, I was very awkward and insecure myself!)

So, having an innate grasp and sense of our human flaws and inevitable frailties is definitely a sign of confidence. When a girl trips over something and then totally falls apart - as if tripping shattered her entire being - that's definitely not a sign of confidence.

Life's not a movie. Sex is often awkward and clumsy. Breath sometimes smells bad. Food falls onto your shirt once in a while. That's just life, not something to panic about.

When people can't recognize this principle, it shows that they're not only lacking confidence in who they really are, but that they're also a little bit, well, dumb. I think most people do understand this, but a lot of people in the post-Baby Boomer generations that grew up on TV and the internet probably have their sense or reality totally screwed up by pop culture.

Just a theory.
PeriodicLurker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2009, 12:46 AM   #24
bdog
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: santa fe
Posts: 315
bdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticedbdog never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeriodicLurker View Post
I repeatedly kept telling her, "Look, it's not a big deal! Forget it already! You've got nothing to be ashamed of." I don't know that it did any good. (This was a problem because, at 21, I was very awkward and insecure myself!).
Lucky gal to have someone so understanding of human nature as yourself.
bdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2009, 02:32 AM   #25
Mini
Right, not nice
 
Mini's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 2,855
Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.Mini has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Personally, when I say "confidence" it's a stand-in for "rich parents."
__________________
I'd follow you to the end of the earth, if only to push you off.
Mini is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:26 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.