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Old 08-10-2009, 10:36 AM   #1
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Default This is why I haven't seen him in 5 years...

Argh! I'm so frustrated! My grandfather has been in and out of the hospital and nursing homes for about a month now. He's doing okay, but could be better. When my grandmother died 5 years ago, I vowed I'd never see him again. Long story short, they both treated me like crap when I was a kid and I did nothing but respect them and try like hell to have a relationship with them. They weren't invited to my wedding and they blamed my mother and said she poisoned me against them. No, it was more like I knew they didn't really care about me and all the other grandchildren were gold to them even though the others treated them like crap.

Anyway, I go to see him...and one of the first things he does is what he's done my entire life...TALK ABOUT MY WEIGHT.

Him: "How's it going with your weight?"
Me: "Look at me...how's it look like it's going?"

Then he proceeds to look at pictures of my kids and say "Wow, they're all thin and healthy...you know, you have to be an example to them...make sure they get exercise and eat right..."

AAAAAH! For one thing, I am fat because HIS gene pool is SHIT. For another, my children are healthy because I made sure they were taken care of and they are naturally more like their father...lean and tall.

This just reminded me why I wanted nothing to do with him...I should have stuck to my guns and refused to see him.
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Old 08-10-2009, 12:59 PM   #2
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Have you talked to him about your boundaries regarding any weight talk? Last year, I talked to my mother and made it clear that bringing up my weight means I'll be visiting her less, and I will abruptly end all weight-related conversation and walk away. She still brings it up, and I follow through with what I say. You've got to be firm.
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:38 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneHauteMama View Post
For one thing, I am fat because HIS gene pool is SHIT.
I know this is kind of not talking about the problem you address in your original post, but I thought this was kind of hurtful. To me, it implies we're fat because we got the short straw, which I don't think is always the case-- it's not an awful thing.

You may be fat because of his genes, but do his genes have to be shit?
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Old 08-12-2009, 12:09 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tooz View Post
I know this is kind of not talking about the problem you address in your original post, but I thought this was kind of hurtful. To me, it implies we're fat because we got the short straw, which I don't think is always the case-- it's not an awful thing.

You may be fat because of his genes, but do his genes have to be shit?

What I meant was that I'm fat because I have PCOS...so therefore, genetically, yeah they kind of ARE shit lol. I didn't mean it to come across that fat people have shitty genes...I love fat people and have no problem with being fat myself. I'm saying for me personally that's the case. My genes are shitty and it comes from his side lol. Didn't mean to offend if I did.


As for boundaries...he isn't the type that respects them, so it would be wasted breath.
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Old 08-12-2009, 09:17 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneHauteMama View Post
Argh! I'm so frustrated! My grandfather has been in and out of the hospital and nursing homes for about a month now. He's doing okay, but could be better. When my grandmother died 5 years ago, I vowed I'd never see him again. Long story short, they both treated me like crap when I was a kid and I did nothing but respect them and try like hell to have a relationship with them. They weren't invited to my wedding and they blamed my mother and said she poisoned me against them. No, it was more like I knew they didn't really care about me and all the other grandchildren were gold to them even though the others treated them like crap.

Anyway, I go to see him...and one of the first things he does is what he's done my entire life...TALK ABOUT MY WEIGHT.

Him: "How's it going with your weight?"
Me: "Look at me...how's it look like it's going?"

Then he proceeds to look at pictures of my kids and say "Wow, they're all thin and healthy...you know, you have to be an example to them...make sure they get exercise and eat right..."

AAAAAH! For one thing, I am fat because HIS gene pool is SHIT. For another, my children are healthy because I made sure they were taken care of and they are naturally more like their father...lean and tall.

This just reminded me why I wanted nothing to do with him...I should have stuck to my guns and refused to see him.
I am sorry your Grandfather treated you like crap....I hope you think about the visit as something that makes you feel better about yourself..You wont change him as old as he is but you are being a good grandchild by visiting with him in his later years...Doing something like this is living without regrets..Even if you have to grit your teeth the whole time you are there,when he is gone you will remember visiting with him while he was still able to know who you are...It will help when he passes..Again I am so sorry..hugggss
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Old 08-13-2009, 07:04 AM   #6
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Hey, why don't those of you talking about PCOS start a thread about it? I know there are threads on the Health Board, but a thread here would be OK, too, if it will help encourage folks to go get tested.

fwiw, thin people get PCOS, too. I was floored when a thin friend told me they had it, because I had never read anything the condition that didn't only focus on fat women and PCOS.
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Old 08-14-2009, 06:42 AM   #7
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I just moved all the posts about PCOS to a new thread, starting with Tooz's reply to OneHauteMama. Please go here to continue the conversation, thanks!

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=62880
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Old 08-23-2009, 02:30 PM   #8
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I think some members of our families have a hard time with BBW and/or BHM. My mother is a BBW and as a child would scare me by placing me on diets to lose weight. I was told I would not have a date to the prom because I was fat. I was told I need to loose weight in order to have a boyfriend. To this day, my mother still tells me I am too big to wear certain clothing. I think you should address how you feel and then stick to your guns. Maybe your grandfather does not see the harm in his statements. I wish you the best.
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Old 09-01-2009, 07:14 PM   #9
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My mom's parents were always hard on us all for being overweight. When they all got sick and were in and out of hospitals it was hard to feel any pity or love for them because of the emotional abuse.

My grandpa finally stopped when I told him he's old and ugly and his ears stuck out like handles on a jug. Talking to him about how it hurt my feelings just didn't work until I dished back what he was giving me. My grandma went to her grave calling my mom and I fat pigs.

What is PCOS also?
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