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Old 08-13-2009, 07:37 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Cors View Post
Almost ALL the fat chicks I know in person think FAs are sick.

They do have an unhealthy amount of body hate though, and are always on one diet or another.
Holy crap. That's pretty disheartening and makes me feel like a fool for ever expressing desire for a BBW in public. Were all my former co-workers at the restaurant I used to work at secretly mocking me when I would express desire for a bigger girl?!?

It's improbable that every one of these women has had an experience with some truly screwed up fetishist, so the most likely explanation is that these women are still holding out hope that their next fad diet is gonna magically morph 'em into Jennifer Garner and so they use that hope to feel superior.

When these hateful shrills wake up at 50 childless, loveless, and embittered, maybe they'll realize they shouldn't have mocked the (few) men who actually found 'em attractive back when they still had a shot.

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Old 08-13-2009, 08:52 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Its weird. I have had very little negative expereince being an fa in real life and then i come to a place like dimensions which is Fa friendly. I join a facebook site, called "chubby girls are hot" or something like that (I saw a couple of my friends were members) and i was SO shocked at the Fa bashing from the women there! Jebus! I'm wondering if this is just the rantings of a few people who have the wrong end of the stick or if generally this is what most people think of Fa's. You see i have no idea of knowing because there is very little mention of Fa's anywhere; In films, Books, Music, plus all my friends are very open minded so i can't trust that its just them that are cool about Fa's.
I don't feel good about this.
do you think your positive experience here may be because you aren't a guy? or does it matter at all?

maybe the negative experiences are because, as i often find, that the BBW community is kind of odd and artificial in ways that really does not bring out the best in people sometimes. i think it can make some FAs confused about what is appropriate and what isn't. i think on dims people are trying very hard to push beyond at least some of the artificiality even though its a big challenge.

in public a lot of BBWs talk about thier ideal expectations which are not different from that of other women. but according to a lot of FAs i know, a lot of that is thrown out of the window in private. sometimes people do things or accept things when they are actually around FAs and get mad at themselves and the guy later when they feel some twinges.

then also there is the disappointment when online rhetoric (if you are talking about online related experiences) especially does not live up to reality. its not because FAs are necessarily bad people or anything like that. its just that sometimes people go too far online. all kinds of promises are made in the heat of the moment without having ever met. i think a lot of that is really authentic to a certian level. but sometimes there isn't a lot of are experience behind it.

then also quite a few BBWs are inexperienced as well. i think they find the things newly released FAs go through a little unsettling. most people go through those kinds of things in high school and college. a BBW or an FA may not get the chance until thier 30s or even later. if FAs weren't dating then the fickleness that some men might have when they are just getting the opportunity to really discover themselves as men is unsettling. i mean if you are a 45 yr old woman, as i am ,and a man is behaving like a teenager who just left the house with a spanking brand new drivers license you might get kind of exasperated. i'm not sure that FFAs go through that as much. it doesn't seem that they do but then again i have no real idea--just going by the little i've read and seen. you tell me. so when you look around and compare it to what you go through with non -FAs ( or maybe i should say guys who have always liked fat girls even if not exclusvely and have always ben unashamedly out) it can look pretty bad by comparison.

on top of that add the net effect. like someone said elsewhere people seldom come here to talk about thier good experiences. maybe we need to make a more conscious effort to talk about the FFAs and FAs that we know who are caring thoughtful and loving. we don't want people to get the impression that everyone is horrible--because they aren't. i know some really beautiful FAs who have totally dispelled all of the negative notions a lot of BBWs might get just by meeting them once.

in that spirit there is one in particular i know who is such a wonderful gentleman that just by meeting him he has helped a lot of women feel that there is hope and there are guys out there who can really care about them and appreciate them at the same time without games or reservations or total objectification at all times. some dims girls know him. he has treated none of us with anything but respect. too bad he doesn't have the time to come here. he is very active IRL. but unfortunately like a lot of guys like that he also doesn't like the way that that the community focuses on BBWs or FAs so it isn't really his taste. for example, he really resented the way that strangers were asking him about his sexual preference at events and always assumed that the women he talked with were just of a sexual interest to him. he hated that he was always being asked whether he liked bellies , thighs etc... --even by the women. i think he was insulted that he was treated as though he would never think the person was important. he felt like meat and he felt that other people were viewed as meat. i think it was comforting for a lot of women to know that some people feel that they are important and not only the meat they happened to have hanging on them. so they aren't dreaming when they think an FA can really like thier body and care how they feel. they didn't feel quite as disillusioned after meeting him.

Last edited by superodalisque; 08-13-2009 at 08:56 PM.
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Old 08-14-2009, 12:51 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by PeriodicLurker View Post
When these hateful shrills wake up at 50 childless, loveless, and embittered, maybe they'll realize they shouldn't have mocked the (few) men who actually found 'em attractive back when they still had a shot.

Stepping back, I'd say these hateful shrills direct as much hate towards themselves as they do to others, which is sad.

Being calm, unflappable and unashamed in the face of attacks is probably enough to change mind or two, or at least get the wheels turning. Reacting with disgust accomplishes nothing.
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Old 08-14-2009, 03:28 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
do you think your positive experience here may be because you aren't a guy? or does it matter at all?
I thought your post was wonderful and it gave me a lot to think about. I just want to focus on this bit for now because actually, its something i have never thought about before and i just realised its importance.
Yes. I believe my experiences here and in real life as an Fa have been positive because i am a woman. Hmm i was going to say the fact i date women may make it even easier in ways but i need to think about that more. I say this because in the lesbian community, being fat is sort of seen as part of it all. Normally ascociated with Butch women, but i have always been around women who dated big women. There is no 'Fa' about it (even though there might be) if you know what i mean?
I think maby i feel more acceptance here because i am a woman. I don't really subscribe to the tribal catty woman sterotype but if it were true to a certain degree to a small amount of people, i am inoffensive because i am not going to take anyones men. Secondly, i am accepted more by woman because i am a woman myself i think. I am not really thin either... Hmm though, i guess if i was some sleazy, learing woman who Pm'ed women asking them their breast measurements, i'm sure they would get just as sick of me if a guy did that.
I can understand your fa friend not wanting to be a part of the labeling and measuring of people that goes on. A lot of the time i wish this wasn't the case either.
Do you really think male Fa's get a harder time here? I didn't really notice. I suppose i notice when people are getting a pounding because they are being really rude or overtly sexual when no one knows them.
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:10 AM   #30
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I think that for male FA's it's perhaps a little harder, but that thought is totally unsubstantiated. I wouldn't know.

Also, I assume it's harder for hard-core FA's than for people who are (here it comes, my favorite word since I've seen it being used here) bi-sizual, because at least they have an overlap in taste. If you like big people exclusively, it might get harder to relate for (some) other people.
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:47 AM   #31
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I think that for male FA's it's perhaps a little harder, but that thought is totally unsubstantiated. I wouldn't know.

Also, I assume it's harder for hard-core FA's than for people who are (here it comes, my favorite word since I've seen it being used here) bi-sizual, because at least they have an overlap in taste. If you like big people exclusively, it might get harder to relate for (some) other people.
yeah well being gay is harder than being a male Fa and being a woman is harder than being a man. So you are top trumphed squire!!!!
hmm..i would have thought it would be less easy for bi-sizuals here because many people prefer (and i remember a thread about this) those who are just into fat people. I think in the real world you may be right though. In many cases the hardest choice is not the default option. You cant help who you fall in love with of course, but i have many bi female friends who are with guys and they have admitted the actively looked for guys because it would be less hassle with family etc... though obviously if they met someone and fell in love it would be different.
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:53 AM   #32
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If you are interested in/compatible with 1% of group X, and 20% of group Y, but group X is 20 times bigger than group Y, then there are equal numbers of people you are compatible with from both groups (just more filtering to find them in group X).

Which is essentially my theory on why a lot of self-proclaimed FA end up with thinner women, and also probably makes sense with a lot of bi-sexual people.
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:55 AM   #33
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yeah well being gay is harder than being a male Fa and being a woman is harder than being a man. So you are top trumphed squire!!!!
I am a straight male bisizual. I feel like the luckiest dude in te world now!
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Old 08-14-2009, 09:18 AM   #34
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I am a straight male bisizual. I feel like the luckiest dude in te world now!
yeah, man.. you just don't know the hardships AT ALL!! Hmm though we do both like fat chicks, so lets go for a beer and talk about that!
whoaah listen to me being all butch.. 'Beer'!
I ment we should go for a nice pinot grigio. *smack* (oh, that was the sound of my lips not something from my torture chamber)
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Old 10-25-2009, 10:30 PM   #35
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Sorry, the world made you mad at it! I usually find it's the people in the world that are the things that cause the madness.
Yeah, you know, I didn't feel like I needed their approval nor that they even 'got' to me. Out of my group of friends I think I'm one of the most sexually open and am usually the one encouraging everyone else to open up about their sexualities/fantasies etc. Call me Dr Ruth!. lol. It wasn't that. I am very confident in both my gender and Fa sexual identities. As far as I'm concerned if anyone has a problem with my sexuality, then its 'their' problem. I think it was the sheer volume of Fa hate on one page. Just seeing it there. I was thinking i would feel the same if it was anti-gay but somehow I am ready for that. Plus gay people are 'out' in the world, we have queer musicians, talk show hosts, comedians, actors, MP's....etc etc... We only have 'suspected' Fa's where people can see them. It sort of feels like we don't have a support network. Well we have here I guess.
Hmm.. Why don't you all join me on this particular post and spread some of your Fa wisdom?.
Maybe it wont work, but maybe it will make people think even for a second that maybe, just maybe they are wrong about us.
Hate and prejudice in any form is not inherent. It must be taught and learned somewhere.
What makes it easy for me to let it roll off my back is the knowledge of who has the problem. I am confident in who I am. I am secure in my preference. If others have a problem with me or my preference, It is THEIR problem, and although I may not like it, they are entitled to their opinions, biases, and prejudices. I am not obligated to enjoy or pay them attention. I do have the choice to either educate, let their ignorance and hate speech get to me, or simply leave the place where it is happening. The unfortunate part of this is that their prejudices have teachers all over society and media that tell them how right they are to think this way. FAs have only ourselves and each other to refute that way of thinking.
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Old 10-25-2009, 11:18 PM   #36
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Almost ALL the fat chicks I know in person think FAs are sick.

They do have an unhealthy amount of body hate though, and are always on one diet or another.
This is sad and mind-boggling all at once. I understand having body issues, I doubt there are too many people who like every aspect of their body/face. BUT, to dislike the people who find you attractive just the way you are? In their mind, they must feel like they are either destined to find one of "those sickos", a person who is "slumming", or alone.

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Originally Posted by bdog View Post
I get teased a lot, but in a very friendly way. I also get the occasional, "oh you probably would've loved this girl i saw the other day..."
I get this all the time. Everyone who knows me knows my preference, and even if they don't know me that well, it's usually pointed out to them. The upside to this? You have legions of scouts out there, all on the hunt for someone for you!


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hmm..i would have thought it would be less easy for bi-sizuals here because many people prefer (and i remember a thread about this) those who are just into fat people. I think in the real world you may be right though.
The only time I ever seem to have any problem is when I go out with/date a thinner girl. Case in point: I dated this girl for about six months. A pretty girl, not skinny, but somewhat thinner than my norm, I guess. Enough for it to be noticed. The grief I took for breaking up with her was horrendous. You can imagine the inquisition I took. The thing is, she was a drama queen with more issues than Time Magazine, and everyone knew it. Still no one could understand why I would want to leave her.
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Old 10-30-2009, 09:43 AM   #37
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Yay! I wish all Bbw's were like you.
So do I Mergirl (3 cheers to you FatandProud)

I know EXACTLY what you mean Mergirl. When I first found the "fat community" I was an FA in heaven, until I discovered the sheer numbers of nasty 'I hate you' types to be found within.

The amount of FA bashing (and FAs who bash themselves- a growing number I think!) is depressing at first (these days it just makes me angry). Like previous posters have said some of it, maybe most of it comes from self-loathing people.

We honest real positive types just need to stick together and aggressively defend ourselves!

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Old 10-30-2009, 09:52 AM   #38
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We honest real positive types just need to stick together and aggressively defend ourselves!
(and have some steamy, fat orgy. )
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Old 11-03-2009, 07:39 PM   #39
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Oh fatandproud why did you have to live so far away? Sigh* no orgy.
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Old 11-03-2009, 09:23 PM   #40
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Oh fatandproud why did you have to live so far away? Sigh* no orgy.
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Old 11-04-2009, 04:54 AM   #41
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That clowns sad face just totally encapsulates someone who has realised that infact there will be no orgy. lmao
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:17 AM   #42
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I work with about 20 people... and I'm pretty sure they all know I'm an FA... or at least 90% of them know.

I get teased a lot, but in a very friendly way. I also get the occasional, "oh you probably would've loved this girl i saw the other day..."

There's one guy, however, whose teasing I don't quite like. He's not mean... but there's a slight edge of, "haha... dude you're great... it's hilarious that you like fat chicks." And that bothers me... cuz it's not hilarious, and i'm not some dude with odd quirks. I'm a normal person with excellent taste in women.
I am some dude with odd quirks. But loving cute fat girls isn't one of them! A lot of my friends seem to find it kinda funny, but then I'm an amusing guy. I only pull up this one guy who seems to think diggging cute fat chicks is a fetish. Again, I have fetishes. Loving big girls ain't one.
Quote:
So, the thing about this one guy is that he used to be fat and he works out like 4 times a week and he likes really athletic women. I'm not saying he's got issues, but somehow he's developed a very strong core belief about what's attractive, and it'd be pretty hard to get him to attempt to see another viewpoint because he's just not the most open-minded guy in the world either. I still like him a bunch, though.. but I just have to be able to take a step back when I think about the way he thinks about my tastes. It's not personal.
Yeah, the most negative reactions I get are from people who learn / know that I like big girls and who invest lots of time and energy in trying very, very hard to NOT be fat, cos they HATE being fat - although it's their body's natural default.(Two girls I know in RL spring to mind. And no I never "hit on" either of them.) They're PROJECTING their problems onto me (us). By externalising those issues it makes it easier for them: It's less painful to hate at me / us / FAs, than to hate themselves (which is what is really going on, in many instances).Sad both ways.
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Old 11-08-2009, 04:26 AM   #43
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Frankly not surprised by the general tone of that facebook group. We ( Dimmers) tend to forget that we are a VERY small subset of general society, both FAs , and Fat folks who are at least on their way to acceptance.

My ex-wife was one of the 'FAs are sick" types (which came out in counceling). FAs, if you are lucky enough to find a mate who accepts your admiriation, feel very priviledged!

And... why the heck ISN'T there a scheduled fat orgy???
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Old 11-26-2009, 06:06 AM   #44
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I think a lot of women hate their body so much, that they can't understand that someone else loves it. They are sick of their body and thus men who lve that body must be sick as well.

Or they think you love them just for their body, not for anything else.

Being a BBW admirer is part of who I am, but when I am dating, I am very carefull when, how and to whom I bring up the size acceptance topic, because it might scare them off.
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Old 11-26-2009, 06:09 AM   #45
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I think a lot of women hate their body so much, that they can't understand that someone else loves it. They are sick of their body and thus men who lve that body must be sick as well.

Or they think you love them just for their body, not for anything else.

Being a BBW admirer is part of who I am, but when I am dating, I am very carefull when, how and to whom I bring up the size acceptance topic, because it might scare them off.
I am very careful to bring up the issue that i love big woman at the outset because the people who will be scared off by that are really not the type of women for me anyway! Best to cut the shit and not waste time!
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Old 12-02-2009, 04:52 PM   #46
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What you say is true, but on the other hand in the small country where I live there are not many BBWs and size acceptance is virtually non-existent, so it often comes as a shock to them that there are actually men who like big women. The chances of finding someone who is confident with size acceptance are close to zero...
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Old 12-12-2009, 12:05 PM   #47
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Here's something to throw at them. Reword it as you see fit as my engish sucks.

Men love breasts. This is an undeniable truth.
Breasts are at least 2/3 fat giving them their shape, softness, bounce, etc. which is what guys like.
Therefore breast love = fat love.
So we can conclude that;
Men love fat.

So, if men love fat in breasts why is it so hard to accept that men love fat in other places as well? Like hips, belly, theighs, etc. where they can enjoy more of that wonderful shape, softness, bounce, etc.

Cheers!

(You can change the word men to whatever the situation is! )

Last edited by James; 12-12-2009 at 12:36 PM. Reason: removed unneccesary thin-bashing content.
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Old 12-12-2009, 12:14 PM   #48
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Works for me I've always felt that fat women had more of what make women sexy.
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Old 12-13-2009, 01:26 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wagimawr View Post
Works for me I've always felt that fat women had more of what make women sexy.
And..this line works for you does it??
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Old 12-13-2009, 03:48 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pickleman357 View Post
Here's something to throw at them. Reword it as you see fit as my engish sucks.

Men love breasts. This is an undeniable truth.
Breasts are at least 2/3 fat giving them their shape, softness, bounce, etc. which is what guys like.
Therefore breast love = fat love.
So we can conclude that;
Men love fat.

So, if men love fat in breasts why is it so hard to accept that men love fat in other places as well? Like hips, belly, theighs, etc. where they can enjoy more of that wonderful shape, softness, bounce, etc.

Cheers!

(You can change the word men to whatever the situation is! )
Oh if only that were totally true. Most men like the boob fat and stop at that. The would rather have the rest be a small hard body.

I have been very disheartened by FA's here lately. The only think they seem to do is focus on my fat. They don't want to get to know me as a person. To them I am just fat and that's what they want to "get to know" up close and personal. I'm sorry but I am a person first. With a personality... my body should be secondary. Get to know ME first and then you can get to know the fat.
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