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Old 08-13-2009, 02:35 PM   #26
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I don't use the term FA with people who are not in the size acceptance movement. However I will say that I like larger women.
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Old 08-13-2009, 03:16 PM   #27
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Lightbulb How About.... FPL: Fat-Positive Lover

In thinking more about a term that would be more understandable and sound more of an alignment to the totality of a person, I have come up with describing myself as as fat-positive lover, because fat-positive is what I am especially in matters of love. I think perhaps those outside and new to the community can better understand fat-positivity as a concept of favoring fat people in totality in matters of love, than they often do with the fat-admirer term which seems to be often misinterpreted as a disconnected and, to borrow a term from one detractor in the field, "paraphillic", focus on adipose tissue.

FPL. Your thoughts?
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Old 08-13-2009, 10:45 PM   #28
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I love knowing a man actually likes my fat...so i guess i like the term FA? i don't know lol what i'm saying is that "normal" guys are definitely different than FA's
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Old 08-14-2009, 01:04 AM   #29
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So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS FA?
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Old 08-14-2009, 09:17 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
I love knowing a man actually likes my fat...so i guess i like the term FA? i don't know lol what i'm saying is that "normal" guys are definitely different than FA's
Glad you are one of those FA-friendly women
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Old 08-14-2009, 09:31 AM   #31
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hook me up with a german one that speaks all types of german mmmm
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Old 08-14-2009, 10:20 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by thatgirl08 View Post
Or you could simply state your preference, "I prefer chubby/big/fat girls" instead of saying "I'm a __"
YES.
this white text is only used to fulfill the 10 character requirement.
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"I'M A ZEBRA, I'M A ZEBRA, FUCK YOU, I'M A ZEBRA!"
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Old 08-16-2009, 04:09 PM   #33
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Yeah, I'm not too fond of the term FA myself but it has been around for so long and is so ingrained into our subculture here that I don't see an alternative coming along to usurp its ubiquitous nature for a long while. However, I really don't like the term FFA as I find it unnecessarily over-descriptive. Do we really need to denote the female part? If so, shouldn't the guys be referred to as MFAs? Which then would logically lead to terms like GFA, LFA, BFA, TFA, etc. ad infinitum...

Can't we all agree we just love fatties and get over the descriptive labels? I just happen to be a man who loves fat chicks. You may happen to be a woman who loves fat guys. Someone else may happen to be a woman who loves fat chicks. The bottom line is the fat, and that is where it's at!
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Old 02-01-2010, 01:18 AM   #34
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Default My Fa Opinion

THANKS BLOCKERIER....YOU SAID IT BEST.."Honestly I love the term.
I have a fat wife, I have fat friends, I think fat women are beautiful, I admire fat women, I am an FA"


. ME... IM A FA..TRUE...AND THATS THAT!!
IN MY BBW BASH TRAVELS, I MEET ALOT OF GUYS WHO DONT LIKE THE TERM, I MEET ALOT OF GUYS WHO ARE LIKE ME...AND COULD CARE LESS WHAT ANYBODY THINKS. THE WAY I FIGURE, MOST DONT TAKE TIME TO RESEARCH, OR BE CONSIDERATE TO THE HISTORY OF THE TERM.THE WAY I FIGURE, THE TERM WAS INVENTED OUT OF THE DESPERATE NEED TO DEFINE THE MEN WHO WERE IN LOVE WITH BIG WOMEN, AND WANTED TO DEFINE THEMSELVES...IMMEDIATELY. SO THEY CAME UP WITH SOMETHING...OVERNIGHT.
WHEN I WALK IN A RESTURANT...BREAKFAST.., SOLO, (THE ONLY MAN) WITH LIKE 5 SSBBWS (AFTER A BBW PARTY) AND I GOTTA DEAL WITH THE STARES, COMMENTS, LOOKS...I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT NOBODY THINKS...CAUSE WHEN ITS ALL OVER ....IM WIT THE BIGMAMAS....BEFORE AND AFTER WE LEAVE THE RESTURANT...IF THE GUYS WHO INVENTED THE "FA" WORD...HAD NAMED US "SUPERCADULISTICFATTYALIDOCIOUS" I WOULDVE BEEN A DIEHARD.."SUPERCAD.....DOSIER"...WHAT EVER NAME WAS INVENTED TO STAND OUT AS "THE GUY OVER THERE...WHO LOVES SSBBWS...THATS ME!! THE GUYS AT THE BASHES WHO ARE CHILLIN IN THE ROOM AND ITS LIKE A ROOM FULL OF SSBBWS.....ENJOYIN EACH OTHER COMPANY..."TRUEFA'S" ...THATS US!! THE OTHER CRYBABY GUYS...AT THE BASH COMPLAING ABOUT THE "NAME" ARE INCONDERIATE...THEY DIDNT EVEN EXIST AT ONE TIME...BUT YET THEY ARE THERE ENJOYN THE BEAUTIFUL SITES...OF BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN....BUT AT LEAST THEY ARE AT THE BASH.....I LISTEN TO THEM WHINE AND BREAKDOWN THE TECHNICAL WORD PATTERENS OF "FAT" AND THEN "ADMIRER" AND GO INTO THE MAJOR INTELLIGENT...BULLSHIT....GOSSIP EVEN...SOMETIMES I WANNA SLAP A "SSBBW CABANNA BOY CIGAR" IN THEIR MOUTH AND TELL THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I REALLY ENJOY BEING AROUND ALL THE GUYS AT THE PARTIES AND BASHES....BUT ...REALLY....WHILE THEY ARE TALKING IM LITERALLY THINKING ABOUT BEING WITH SOME NICE BIG LADIES..AND...I PAY THEM NO MIND...
THE REAL BULLSHIT...IS THE GUYS WHO DONT LIKE THE TERM...AND COMMENT ALL THE TIME ONLINE...BUT NEVER HIT A BASH...ARE LAMES! THEY DONT LIKE THE TERM...ONLINE? BUT YET THEY ARE ON AN "FA" MESSAGE BOARD? TRUEFA GUYS...ARE TOO BUSY SAVING FOR THE NEXT BASH..TOO MANY SSBBWS TO ADORE.
PLUS....FOR ALL THE FRESH FA'S ...YOUNG, JUST GOT ON THE SCENE...AND WANT TO RESEARCH FOR YOURSELF.....DONT LISTEN TO THESE OLD FART GUYS CONFUSING THE ISSUE.....BEING YOUR "@ DIMENISIONS BOARD"......CONRAD, (FOUNDER) WAS THERE WHEN THE TERM WAS INVENTED....HE EXPLAINS IT BEST....
"Perhaps. While NAAFA was always both a political and a social organization, it was, and is, really dominated by fat women. Men were generally viewed with some suspicion, especially FAs."
THEREFORE....THE NAME WAS PULLED OUT OF A HAT...JUST SO THAT WE WOULDNT BE...THE SUSPICIOUS GUYS...WEIRDOS...HANGING AROUND THE FAT LADIES?....WE...THE MISUNDERSTOOD GUYS....NEEDED "RESPECT"...AND IT WORKED...REGUARDLESS OF "THE DEFINITION OF THE TERM"....
ME: I WEAR "FA" SHIRTS EVERY DAY I CAN...JUST SO I CAN SAY .....IT MEANS "FAT ADMIRER"....MEANING I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHO KNOWS THAT SSBBWS RULE!! AT ALL TIMES....RARE GEMS ..THEY ARE...WHEN YOUR AROUND A EXTRA LARGE WOMAN...THE FIRST THING A SMALL MINDED PERSON THINKS IS...SHE IS NOT PERFECT...BUT TO ME SHE IS...SO...WHO CARES WHAT SOMEONE THINKS ABOUT THE WORD....THE WORD "FA" IS NOT PERFECT...NEITHER AM I....BOTTOM LINE....IF WE CHANGE THE NAME TOMMORROW...WHAT EVER TERM IT IS....IM GONNA REPRESENT!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

"FA" RESEARCH:
http://www.largeincharge.com/backiss...05/12-2005.htm

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Jay of L.I.C: Who invented these (Big World) Definitions (BBW, FA,SSBBW,BHM, FFA, SSBHM)? give us some histor


Conrad: "BBW" and "Big Beautiful Woman" started with Carol Shaw in 1979, and are actually trademarked terms which my
company owns. They have entered the mainstream, and that is fine with me. I deeply resent that the porn industry has
stolen the terms and dragged them down to nothing more than another fetish category. Fortunately, a large number of
positive fat women are also using the term, counteracting the bad guys.

The other terms all sort of developed, most from within NAAFA. None are particularly good, and "FA" especially is a weak
term that no one likes. But it's been with us and no one has come up with a good replacement.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------



Jay of L.I.C: Do you consider yourself to be a pioneer? and if so, how does it feel to be called one?


Conrad: Well, my idea, from the start, was to create something that would bring together two disenfranchised groups,
men who preferred fat women, and the women they admired. Both groups suffered. The women for obvious reasons. Many
felt unattractive, unworthy, and unhappy. Many had gone through horrible experiences, and had lost their faith in both
themselves and other people. The FAs--Fat Admirers--had grown up to discover within themselves a perference that was
different from that of their peers. Many did not know what to make of it. They felt weird, perverted even, and many
got a lot of crap from their friends and families if they came out of the closet.

With the FA-SIG and then Dimensions, I wanted to bring those two groups together, help them understand each other,
open dialog and discussion.

Both sides had much to learn, and there was a lot of mistrust. I think Dimensions has been quite successful at putting issues
on the table, foster discussion, and bring many people together.
Am I a pioneer? Perhaps. While NAAFA was always both a political and a social organization, it was, and is, really dominated
by fat women. Men were generally viewed with some suspicion, especially FAs. And exploring the fantasy world that we all have
was totally taboo. I opened that up for discussion. We all have fantasies. They are nothing to be ashamed of or to run away
from, screaming.


------------------------------------
JAYTHEFA
WWW.TRUEFA.BIZ

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Old 02-01-2010, 05:10 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keb View Post
Personally, I like:

"Why are you talking to me?"
"Because you're the most beautiful woman in the room/world/multiverse."
"Yeah, right."
"No, really, I like you."
"But I'm fat."*
"That just adds to your infinite charms."
okay, the bits i underlined totally made me think of DC Comics.
i felt this warranted special attention.
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"I'M A ZEBRA, I'M A ZEBRA, FUCK YOU, I'M A ZEBRA!"
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Old 02-01-2010, 05:13 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by JaytheFA View Post
POST
wut
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:15 AM   #37
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My ex boyfriend called himself a BBW admirer,that sounds more tasteful than FA ,who would agree ?
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Old 02-03-2010, 09:00 AM   #38
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I really don't have a problem with the term FA, although I do like Jayne's idea for BBW admirer. It has a very soft and kinder sound to it.
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Old 02-03-2010, 09:35 AM   #39
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Well I hate the terms BBW and SSBBW so we're all even
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Old 02-03-2010, 05:12 PM   #40
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Well I hate the terms BBW and SSBBW so we're all even
Well, that settles that issue *Wipes hands* Done and done.
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Old 02-03-2010, 06:59 PM   #41
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i'm not sure its really necessary to describe yourself by anything but your name. after all thats the only thing thats really important--who you are. as a woman i don't care if a man is an FA. in fact honestly i find the term a liitle off putting. it only describes a guys sexual scene. it doesn't tell me if he really enjoys me or not. i think a woman who is fat might be asking for trouble if she needs the label to figure out whether a man desires her or not. the term FA only tells her that he is often attracted to fat women but it tells her nothing about whether he is attracted to her.

sexual attraction is only the beginning anyway. sometimes it even stops at sexual attraction. so for a guy it might be kind of a shallow label that pigeon holes him into something thats not quite human. to me it gives the impression that guys don't have the capacity as anything except the extension of thier penis with no heart or brain or intellect. i think it can dehumanize a man and cause women to treat him in ways that don't respect his individuality. so yeah, i guess it can lend a creepy atmosphere to something thats so natural but then again some people like the creepy.

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Old 02-03-2010, 07:44 PM   #42
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My ex boyfriend called himself a BBW admirer,that sounds more tasteful than FA ,who would agree ?
I wouldn't. It sounds like someone is trying very hard to seem more tasteful than "FA", but the term really just reveals they are all about artiface and not even on an especially deep level since BBW itself is an essentially meaningless term, making BBWA doubly so.

I've no problem with "FA". It means "Fat Admirer". Its a significant and succinct point of difference. Frankly, its silly we feel the need to differentiate women who are FA's with the FFA moniker. All it means, is that we admire fat. It is a point of sexual attraction that distinguishes our sexuality from other men. A man can admire an individual BBW without being sexually intrigued by her. As such, BBWA seems imprecise.

The problem is everyone wants to fall all over themselves protesting how shallow FA's must be. Give me a break. The truth is, most men are THIN admirers, its just not notable enough to label. The idea of singling out those whose sexuality challenges the mainstream for charges of shallowness is deeply perverse. Just as it would be wrong to regard a fat person entirely on their physical dimensions, so is it to judge FA's by the distinguishing aspect of sexuality. I don't see gay men and women fretting over being identified as gay as suggestive that all they care about is their partners genitalia. Being gay doesn't mean you find everyone of the same gender attractive. There is no threat of thinking that is the extent of their interest in prospective partners. Why should FA's, then, have our sexuality identity treated so reductively. We are more than FA's. But if you cataloged all we looked for in partners, I imagine the initials would get rather long and the segmentation would be quite severe. FAT, or rather our sexual interest in it, is what distinguishes us from those who have no need to self-identify. Thus I see no reason to run from it when identifying ourselves. To do so would just suggest that fat is somehow a bad thing we must distance ourselves from. I don't find that very tasteful at all.
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Old 02-03-2010, 07:53 PM   #43
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It is only a label that describes a group of people that have a common sexual denominator. When I think of my gay friends, I think of them as the people they are. They too, have a common sexual denominator, hence the label 'gay'. It doesn't make them creepy to me, regardless of whether some might feel gay people are creepy or not. Correspondingly, I reject the idea that the term 'FA/FFAs' is creepy even though all it functionally means is a sexual preference ( a preference, that, like homosexuality extends along a Kinsey scale from preference to orientation). All people are themselves before they are a label. I'm British. There are plenty of stereotypes and presumptions that go with that for some. I'm a man. There are sterotypes for men too. I'm also an FA. Stereotypes exist for all three things but that doesn't mean I'm going to be force-feeding a girlfriend cream teas down a funnel and then demand she cleans the house afterward ! :P

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Old 02-03-2010, 08:16 PM   #44
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I wouldn't. It sounds like someone is trying very hard to seem more tasteful than "FA", but the term really just reveals they are all about artiface and not even on an especially deep level since BBW itself is an essentially meaningless term, making BBWA doubly so.

I've no problem with "FA". It means "Fat Admirer". Its a significant and succinct point of difference. Frankly, its silly we feel the need to differentiate women who are FA's with the FFA moniker. All it means, is that we admire fat. It is a point of sexual attraction that distinguishes our sexuality from other men. A man can admire an individual BBW without being sexually intrigued by her. As such, BBWA seems imprecise.

The problem is everyone wants to fall all over themselves protesting how shallow FA's must be. Give me a break. The truth is, most men are THIN admirers, its just not notable enough to label. The idea of singling out those whose sexuality challenges the mainstream for charges of shallowness is deeply perverse. Just as it would be wrong to regard a fat person entirely on their physical dimensions, so is it to judge FA's by the distinguishing aspect of sexuality. I don't see gay men and women fretting over being identified as gay as suggestive that all they care about is their partners genitalia. Being gay doesn't mean you find everyone of the same gender attractive. There is no threat of thinking that is the extent of their interest in prospective partners. Why should FA's, then, have our sexuality identity treated so reductively. We are more than FA's. But if you cataloged all we looked for in partners, I imagine the initials would get rather long and the segmentation would be quite severe. FAT, or rather our sexual interest in it, is what distinguishes us from those who have no need to self-identify. Thus I see no reason to run from it when identifying ourselves. To do so would just suggest that fat is somehow a bad thing we must distance ourselves from. I don't find that very tasteful at all.
see but that is kinda the point. being attracted to a thin girl is normal right? so no one mentions it. so when its acceptable to make it such a big issue with fat girls does that mean that being attracted to a fat girl is NOT normal? i'm not so sure that indication is true because if you look around the US a whole lot of women are fat and with someone. in fact that may be more of the norm as its the thin who tend to be single. so why make something abnormal which is actually quite normal overall?

a guy is not going to say " i only like thin girls". if he did she would think it was creepy. its not something you need to be talking about when you've only just met someone. its the big reason that quite a few FAs get the brush off from fat girls so much. not because they are fat but have no confidence but because its improper to put your sexuality in someone's face right away. sometimes you need to just say "hi, how are you" " what kind of music do you like" etc... something to get to know the person. meeting real people is not by click like on a website. you have to take your time and get to know someone. so FA can be too in your face for a beginning.

i find that often people who are online a lot don't always understand how to be apropriate because everything is delinieated by a sexual scene when it comes to the opposite sex. but real life isn't a sexual scene. and when its reduced to that a lot of people --especially women take offense becasue that might not be what they are looking for in a guy. a lot of people on dims might find it acceptable becasue this is a website and people are here to discuss sexuality but FA does not translate in the real world very well especially with women who are fat and have always dated and feel pretty secure with themselves as people.
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:19 PM   #45
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It is only a label that describes a group of people that have a common sexual denominator. When I think of my gay friends, I think of them as the people they are. They too, have a common sexual denominator, hence the label 'gay'. It doesn't make them creepy to me, regardless of whether some might feel gay people are creepy or not. Correspondingly, I reject the idea that the term 'FA/FFAs' is creepy even though all it functionally means is a sexual preference ( a preference, that, like homosexuality extends along a Kinsey scale from preference to orientation). All people are themselves before they are a label. I'm British. There are plenty of stereotypes and presumptions that go with that for some. I'm a man. There are sterotypes for men too. I'm also an FA. Stereotypes exist for all three things but that doesn't mean I'm going to be force-feeding a girlfriend cream teas down a funnel and then demand she cleans the house afterward ! :P
maybe part of the reason it doesn't feel creepy is because they aren't standitg in front of you saying they are gay and trying to cnvince you its ok somehow. and i know my gay friends don't do that with each other. if someone did they'd think that guy or girl was weird. they tend to be a whole lot more natural with things.
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:33 PM   #46
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maybe part of the reason it doesn't feel creepy is because they aren't standitg in front of you saying they are gay and trying to cnvince you its ok somehow. and i know my gay friends don't do that with each other. if someone did they'd think that guy or girl was weird. they tend to be a whole lot more natural with things.
Yes, but bare in mind that unless they were a gay FFA, they probably wouldn't have any compulsion, on any level, to do that to a BBW.

That said, I absolutely agree (100%) that making a fuss about being an FA, as an introductory gambit, is indirectly objectifying and far less sincere than making conversation about non-sexual issues. I don't think its respectful at all to bring up immediate direct reference to one's sexuality when meeting strangers that one finds attractive (if the objective is to be respectful). If someone thrusts the FA card in a stranger's face that is just as inappropriate as thrusting the gay card or (any other sexually-defined group label).

In and of itself, being gay or being an FA/FFA is not the creepy thing though IMO. I appreciate that some will see that differently and will always be inherently suspicious of someone that professes to find fatness attractive when their personal hatred for their own fat is so strong. This is not to say that you feel this way... or that indeed many of the women on this site feel this way... its more a general observation that has been corroborated by many conversations with BBWs over the years. FAs are suspicious and creepy to them for more than just their social awkwardness... it extends into the psychological dimension of self-perception and how the existence of FAs can challenge this in ways that fat people can sometimes find deeply unsettling. I'm not talking about feederism or anything even remotely non-vanilla. I'm talking about the basic idea that fat people can be seen as sexual beings in a way that is not 'in spite of' them being fat.

Anyway, thats not what we've been talking about here. I just wanted to draw a line that differentiated the behavior of some FAs as creepy, from the general assertion that all FAs are inherently creepy. I accept the former and strongly disagree with the latter.

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Old 02-03-2010, 08:38 PM   #47
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Yes, but bare in mind that unless they were a gay FFA, they probably wouldn't have any compulsion, on any level, to do that to a BBW.

That said, I absolutely agree (100%) that making a fuss about being an FA, as an introductory gambit, is indirectly objectifying and far less sincere than making conversation about non-sexual issues. I don't think its respectful at all to bring up immediate direct reference to one's sexuality when meeting strangers that one finds attractive (if the objective is to be respectful). If someone thrusts the FA card in a stranger's face that is just as inappropriate as thrusting the gay card or (any other sexually-defined group label).

In and of itself, being gay or being an FA/FFA is not the creepy thing though IMO. I appreciate that some will see that differently and will always be inherently suspicious of someone that professes to find fatness attractive when their personal hatred for their own fat is so strong. This is not to say that you feel this way... or that indeed many of the women on this site feel this way... its more a general observation that has been corroborated by many conversations with BBWs over the years. FAs are suspicious and creepy to them for more than just their social awkwardness... it extends into the psychological dimension of self-perception and how the existence of FAs can challenge this in ways that fat people can sometimes find deeply unsettling. I'm not talking about feederism or anything even remotely non-vanilla. I'm talking about the basic idea that fat people can be seen as sexual beings in a way that is not 'in spite of' them being fat.

Anyway, thats not what we've been talking about here. I just wanted to draw a line that differentiated the behavior of some FAs as creepy, from the general assertion that all FAs are inherently creepy. I accept the former and strongly disagree with the latter.
i understand. i never meant it as an indication of FAs being creepy at all. just an observaton about why the term may not stand up well at times.
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:50 PM   #48
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Yes, but bare in mind that unless they were a gay FFA, they probably wouldn't have any compulsion, on any level, to do that to a BBW.

That said, I absolutely agree (100%) that making a fuss about being an FA, as an introductory gambit, is indirectly objectifying and far less sincere than making conversation about non-sexual issues. I don't think its respectful at all to bring up immediate direct reference to one's sexuality when meeting strangers that one finds attractive (if the objective is to be respectful). If someone thrusts the FA card in a stranger's face that is just as inappropriate as thrusting the gay card or (any other sexually-defined group label).

In and of itself, being gay or being an FA/FFA is not the creepy thing though IMO. I appreciate that some will see that differently and will always be inherently suspicious of someone that professes to find fatness attractive when their personal hatred for their own fat is so strong. This is not to say that you feel this way... or that indeed many of the women on this site feel this way... its more a general observation that has been corroborated by many conversations with BBWs over the years. FAs are suspicious and creepy to them for more than just their social awkwardness... it extends into the psychological dimension of self-perception and how the existence of FAs can challenge this in ways that fat people can sometimes find deeply unsettling. I'm not talking about feederism or anything even remotely non-vanilla. I'm talking about the basic idea that fat people can be seen as sexual beings in a way that is not 'in spite of' them being fat.

Anyway, thats not what we've been talking about here. I just wanted to draw a line that differentiated the behavior of some FAs as creepy, from the general assertion that all FAs are inherently creepy. I accept the former and strongly disagree with the latter.
I feel like the term FA is kind of the "negro" of the size acceptance world. It's descriptive, benign AND awkward. I feel like years from now there will be a better word and we will laugh about FA/FFA and probably most of the rest of the accepted fat jargon. Instead we will wiggle our fingers in front of our eyes and say "I'm just watching bellyvision." And there will be a United Fat Admirer College Fund.
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Old 02-03-2010, 09:49 PM   #49
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see but that is kinda the point. being attracted to a thin girl is normal right? so no one mentions it. so when its acceptable to make it such a big issue with fat girls does that mean that being attracted to a fat girl is NOT normal? i'm not so sure that indication is true because if you look around the US a whole lot of women are fat and with someone. in fact that may be more of the norm as its the thin who tend to be single. so why make something abnormal which is actually quite normal overall?

a guy is not going to say " i only like thin girls". if he did she would think it was creepy. its not something you need to be talking about when you've only just met someone. its the big reason that quite a few FAs get the brush off from fat girls so much. not because they are fat but have no confidence but because its improper to put your sexuality in someone's face right away. sometimes you need to just say "hi, how are you" " what kind of music do you like" etc... something to get to know the person. meeting real people is not by click like on a website. you have to take your time and get to know someone. so FA can be too in your face for a beginning.

i find that often people who are online a lot don't always understand how to be apropriate because everything is delinieated by a sexual scene when it comes to the opposite sex. but real life isn't a sexual scene. and when its reduced to that a lot of people --especially women take offense becasue that might not be what they are looking for in a guy. a lot of people on dims might find it acceptable becasue this is a website and people are here to discuss sexuality but FA does not translate in the real world very well especially with women who are fat and have always dated and feel pretty secure with themselves as people.
There is a slogan in the gay rights movement, “Being straight isn't normal, it's just common.” I'd offer it applies to us, as well. Being an FA is perfectly normal, but it is not especially common. THAT is why it is useful for us to self-identify on that point of difference. Its not about consenting to being abnormal. Rather, it is about asserting our existence. This may not be common, but we are here and we won't be denied. And again, the term "Fat Admirer" is a perfectly benign way of identifying ourselves. Apprenhension with the term rests largely on apprehension with the word FAT and the sense that we should avoid it. But again, I think that's just allowing us to be labeled as abnormal. Fat isn't something to shy away from. Its precisely what we should be asserting. Profered alternatives strike me as either fantastical or distant. FA is direct and quite clear. Doesn't mean it isn't challenging, but FA's shouldn't be shying away from being challenging, either. Its something self-accepting fat people do all the time, and our task is FAR less threatening.

A Thin Admirer doesn't have to tell anyone they are attracted to thin people, because it is assumed. It WOULD be creepy for them to declare it specifically, because there is no demand that they do so. Their preference is invisible to begin with. Feeling the need to assert your dominant sexuality is a creepy thing to do that has utterly no relevance to the experience of people of a marginalized sexuality. Straight people don't need to come out of the closet. If they make a big deal about their sexuality, it is intended as an act of intimidation. A gay person being open about their sexuality is simply not the same thing and characterising at such only serves to disadvantage an already marginalized sexual identity. People who complain about gay people being "in their face" about their sexuality aren't people to be catered to, they are precisely the people who need to be challenged in that way. Their desire not to be confronted with gay sexuality is a desire to enforce and preserve the marginalized state that their sexual orientation is pressed into. I find little to be gained by following suit as an FA by hiding my sexuality.

My fat partner has a right to know that my physical attraction to her is not only genuine, but something I have no shame over. I'm aware that some fat people don't want to date FA's. I don't want to date those fat people, though, so that works out quite perfectly for me. If they are going to regard my physical attraction to them as a negative, I'd rather get that out in the open right away. Because I'm not just interested in banging some hot fatty. My physical attraction is just a part of a total attraction I would want with a partner. And if they cannot accept that about me, it doesn't matter a lick if I think she's got a "smokin' bod". I won't be interested.

Being direct about my sexual identity is, in part, about making some people uncomfortable. Its a feature, not a bug. My sexuality shouldn't be something to hide or to cover up. My sexual identity shouldn't expose me to the need to justify myself as not being shallow when the common view faces no such demands. I'm not going to bog myself down justifying myself for the benefit of those who think I'm abnormal. I am normal. I may be different, but I'm normal. Identifying what makes me unique isn't about being less than normal, its about asserting the normality of who I am.
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:44 AM   #50
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There is a slogan in the gay rights movement, “Being straight isn't normal, it's just common.” I'd offer it applies to us, as well. Being an FA is perfectly normal, but it is not especially common. THAT is why it is useful for us to self-identify on that point of difference. Its not about consenting to being abnormal. Rather, it is about asserting our existence. This may not be common, but we are here and we won't be denied. And again, the term "Fat Admirer" is a perfectly benign way of identifying ourselves. Apprenhension with the term rests largely on apprehension with the word FAT and the sense that we should avoid it. But again, I think that's just allowing us to be labeled as abnormal. Fat isn't something to shy away from. Its precisely what we should be asserting. Profered alternatives strike me as either fantastical or distant. FA is direct and quite clear. Doesn't mean it isn't challenging, but FA's shouldn't be shying away from being challenging, either. Its something self-accepting fat people do all the time, and our task is FAR less threatening.

A Thin Admirer doesn't have to tell anyone they are attracted to thin people, because it is assumed. It WOULD be creepy for them to declare it specifically, because there is no demand that they do so. Their preference is invisible to begin with. Feeling the need to assert your dominant sexuality is a creepy thing to do that has utterly no relevance to the experience of people of a marginalized sexuality. Straight people don't need to come out of the closet. If they make a big deal about their sexuality, it is intended as an act of intimidation. A gay person being open about their sexuality is simply not the same thing and characterising at such only serves to disadvantage an already marginalized sexual identity. People who complain about gay people being "in their face" about their sexuality aren't people to be catered to, they are precisely the people who need to be challenged in that way. Their desire not to be confronted with gay sexuality is a desire to enforce and preserve the marginalized state that their sexual orientation is pressed into. I find little to be gained by following suit as an FA by hiding my sexuality.

My fat partner has a right to know that my physical attraction to her is not only genuine, but something I have no shame over. I'm aware that some fat people don't want to date FA's. I don't want to date those fat people, though, so that works out quite perfectly for me. If they are going to regard my physical attraction to them as a negative, I'd rather get that out in the open right away. Because I'm not just interested in banging some hot fatty. My physical attraction is just a part of a total attraction I would want with a partner. And if they cannot accept that about me, it doesn't matter a lick if I think she's got a "smokin' bod". I won't be interested.

Being direct about my sexual identity is, in part, about making some people uncomfortable. Its a feature, not a bug. My sexuality shouldn't be something to hide or to cover up. My sexual identity shouldn't expose me to the need to justify myself as not being shallow when the common view faces no such demands. I'm not going to bog myself down justifying myself for the benefit of those who think I'm abnormal. I am normal. I may be different, but I'm normal. Identifying what makes me unique isn't about being less than normal, its about asserting the normality of who I am.
Post of the decade. Just fantastic and i agree with every single thing you said.
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