Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > BBW Forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-17-2009, 06:13 PM   #1
olwen
Disco Bear
 
olwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: nyc
Posts: 6,966
olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default Are we too demanding when it comes to dating?

I sometimes wonder if fat women sometimes have unrealistic expectations when it comes to men, FAs or no. Are we looking for a superman, a knight in shining armor; someone to rescue us from our (fat) selves or are we looking for someone to complete us? When we talk about the kind of guy we want, and I hear things like I want a man who wants me for me - a guy who wants me despite my fat, I'm never sure if this is a rejection of one's size or an acknowledgment of it. I realize too that how much we identify with being fat (a wish to disown it or accept it completely as who we are) probably has something to do with our expectations...I just wonder if we expect too much from men, like, we don't expect them to be perfect, but we do expect them to "get" us as fat women, whatever that means.... Then I think also of the kinds of women who think they can change men after they meet them....are there fat women who expect to be able to change a man's mind regarding how he reacts to our size? My thoughts about this are all jumbled up so I hope the jist of what I'm asking makes sense....
olwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 06:32 PM   #2
comaseason
Housewares
 
comaseason's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Land o' Ports, OR
Posts: 416
comaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging incomaseason makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

All I want is mutual attraction and mutual respect.

I have ZERO desire to change anyone. Everyone is uniquely perfect and uniquely flawed. If a partner's perfection and/or flaws are something I wish to change or can't handle then that's my red flag that they're not the one for me.

I do not expect someone to understand the ins and outs of my behavior, my life experiences (fat or not), my physical challenges or my outlook on the world at large.

What I do expect is that this person would respect my thoughts and feelings. I expect that he would listen. I also expect that if he thinks I am wrong he should be able to respectfully disagree and tell me why. And on the other hand he should be willing to listen respectfully to me if I disagree. One of us may have missed something along the way. I am not going to break (I may cry - but I will not break) if someone tells me something I don't want to hear, and I expect the same from a potential partner.

It may be a tall order, but I don't think it's too much to ask.

...of course...I'm still single...
__________________
Big hat - no cattle. :blink:

http://comaseason.deviantart.com/
comaseason is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 07:04 PM   #3
MsGreenLantern
Keanu Drakula The Centaur
 
MsGreenLantern's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 788
MsGreenLantern never has a post go unnoticedMsGreenLantern never has a post go unnoticedMsGreenLantern never has a post go unnoticedMsGreenLantern never has a post go unnoticedMsGreenLantern never has a post go unnoticedMsGreenLantern never has a post go unnoticedMsGreenLantern never has a post go unnoticed
Default

I think women who project their body issues on men want too much, sure.

I attracted my SO by boldly proclaiming when we were just friends that I "Have no issue with my size, and am active in size acceptance communities online". He peeks over my shoulder at the site to this day. We've never discussed size, we've never made a big deal about it. We both love and respect each other. We have an active sex-life. He had a crush on me because of stuff in common and my confidence... thats how it should go.

Don't look for a knight to take away all your pains and self-hatred, look for someone who you just mesh with on the most basic levels, and go from there.
__________________
"I have known you as many things, Constance... but never as a coward." [D'Artagnan]
MsGreenLantern is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 07:25 PM   #4
Tooz
sweet chocolate christ
 
Tooz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: shoppin' fuh food
Posts: 5,086
Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

This is not meant to be disrespectful, but I have seen some women here really do expect far, far to much. I think it's not just fat women, though...I think everyone does it.
__________________
let's call a spade a spade: it's porn
Tooz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 07:46 PM   #5
olwen
Disco Bear
 
olwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: nyc
Posts: 6,966
olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tooz View Post
This is not meant to be disrespectful, but I have seen some women here really do expect far, far to much. I think it's not just fat women, though...I think everyone does it.
I see it a lot too, that's why I'm asking....I wonder how true it is for us in general....for me, not having positive male role models in my life has made me really wonder not only if a good guys were possible, but if I ask too much in wanting to find one. It's taken me a couple years of therapy to figure out exactly what I want in a guy in terms of expectations. Having a sexual fetish hasn't helped any either since the kinds of guys I meet within that world have unrealistic expectations of themselves sometimes. It's been difficult trying to find a balance within that world between a domineering guy and a meek one. In other words, I'm 33 and I'm just now figuring out what I want and that hopefully I'm not asking too much.

I do see thin women make that mistake of thinking they could change a guy once they get one. Never ends well. Dating is difficult for everybody, but I feel like when you are fat it is fraught with even more difficulty since we have to deal with sexual expectations that don't always line up with how we see ourselves (for good or ill). The kinds of expectations that thin women don't have to deal with, so it makes me wonder how difficult or not it can be to hold on to some sort of identity in the face of that. Add to that the fact that some fat women don't begin to actually get dating experience till they are in adulthood....seems like a potent recipe for heartache. How can you know what to expect from a guy if you don't know yourself well enough to know what you need or who you are or want to be, and you don't know that because people keep telling you (in different ways) that you don't deserve to know because you are fat.

...Ach, again, I hope my jumbled thoughts are making sense...
olwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 07:51 PM   #6
Smushygirl
Filthy Fat Slut
 
Smushygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Philly
Posts: 886
Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!Smushygirl keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tooz View Post
This is not meant to be disrespectful, but I have seen some women here really do expect far, far to much. I think it's not just fat women, though...I think everyone does it.
Not being disrespectful either, but what do you think is too much?


Personally, I think you deserve everything good. But that is my opinion.
__________________
If you stand for nothing, you fall for everything.
Smushygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 08:34 PM   #7
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by olwen View Post
I sometimes wonder if fat women sometimes have unrealistic expectations when it comes to men, FAs or no. Are we looking for a superman, a knight in shining armor; someone to rescue us from our (fat) selves or are we looking for someone to complete us?
I'm going to have to agree and say yes some women have very unrealistic expectations. Ironically its been my experience that these unrealistic expectations are most often manifest by women who don't bring much to the table themselves. Its also been experience that this is not a fat thing -- thin women can be even more deluded.

The classic example is the Officer and Gentleman premise. The world is full of wannabees waiting to be saved from their life of drudgery. Unfortunately in the real word factory workers and store clerks seldom land that doctor/CEO/or fighter pilot. An example which I have personal knowledge of involved my mother-in-law -- as a young store clerk she had an affair with the married CEO of a rather large company and was upset when (surprise) he didn't leave his wife (FYI said MIL was about 105lbs at the time).

Another example is women who write off guys who don't fit a very narrow physical type. They use justifications like "I like what I like" or "I'm entitled to my preference." True -- but its also true that these women are draining much of the water out of the dating pool. I always find it ironic that women who don't want to be judged with regards to their physical appearance are often so quick to write off potential suitors based on physical characteristics.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 09:02 PM   #8
mossystate
flicks a booger on conrad
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,129
mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

[QUOTE=bigmac;1254705]
Quote:
The classic example is the Officer and Gentleman premise. The world is full of wannabees waiting to be saved from their life of drudgery.
The male example that is the other side of this coin, is the man who wants the woman of his dreams...one that will be the hot vixen straight from the pages of male fantasy, and who will be just like his mom...nurturing and always there for him, no matter what. Throw in someone who cooks, and who will smile and bring him a beer as he watches that 20th straight hour of sports...and...well, he is Don Winger.
Quote:

An example which I have personal knowledge of involved my mother-in-law -- as a young store clerk she had an affair with the married CEO of a rather large company and was upset when (surprise) he didn't leave his wife (FYI said MIL was about 105lbs at the time).
I agree it is foolish for any person to think they will be the one to turn someone's head more than just to the bed. Of course...the CEO ( not impressed ) knew he could have his fantasy. Maybe mom-in-law wanted to take a stab at her fantasy, no matter how misguided.

Quote:
Another example is women who write off guys who don't fit a very narrow physical type. They use justifications like "I like what I like" or "I'm entitled to my preference."
Let me introduce you to where you are posting. I hope you are shaking your head over how many men out here have very...very...strict preferences. It is not a ' justification ' for a woman to know, not just say, that she is is entitled to her preference. When you can look me in the eye and say that you have no preferences when it comes to women, then give me shout.

Quote:
True -- but its also true that these women are draining much of the water out of the dating pool. I always find it ironic that women who don't want to be judged with regards to their physical appearance are often so quick to write off potential suitors based on physical characteristics.
So, men have the right to like what they like, but women are to accept any man who looks their way. Again, are you telling me that you would have been with ANY woman who was interested in you? I really don't see that many women who have such a strict set of preferences.

Sigh.
---

There are lots of people...men and women...fat...thin...whatever...who get too caught up in outside influences, and end up hugely disappointed when they don't stumble onto their ' dream '. I also think that most women can have ideals, but end up...not settling...but clicking with men who spoke to things in their brains that they didn't even realize were there.
mossystate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 09:07 PM   #9
BubbleButtBabe
No one cares anyway
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hellsville
Posts: 1,071
BubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

I don't think it is so much written off but as not being what attracts them..Women are like men in that regard..We also want what we are physically attracted to and do not want to take any old guy just because he has shown some interest in us..To me if there is not some kind of attraction there why be with them? It's not fair to that person..

I think comaseason really hit the nail on the head when she said,"If a partner's perfection and/or flaws are something I wish to change or can't handle then that's my red flag that they're not the one for me." It should be a big red flag to us all..It means we are not willing to take that person as they are but want that person to take us as we are,warts and all..To me there should be no double standards..JMO
__________________
To hurt someone's spirit is to kill their soul...Me

Only two miracles are worth seeing:
The miracle of loving
And
The miracle of forgiving-Sri Chinmoy
BubbleButtBabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 07:11 AM   #10
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,431
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Just to say: for sure lots of guys are too demanding when dating, too.
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 07:26 AM   #11
Tooz
sweet chocolate christ
 
Tooz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: shoppin' fuh food
Posts: 5,086
Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smushygirl View Post
Not being disrespectful either, but what do you think is too much?


Personally, I think you deserve everything good. But that is my opinion.
I have just seen some super long, VERY exact posts about a guy to the T, no room for any variance. It's craziness!
__________________
let's call a spade a spade: it's porn
Tooz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:17 AM   #12
Tau
IXAMXDECADENCE
 
Tau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 1,308
Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

My experience is that fat girls are willing to accept any old nonsense. I know fat women who go out with men they don't find physically appealing; who lie to and cheat on them; who steal from them; who laugh at them. Most of the big girls I know are often so grateful to be in a relationship they take whatever dude decides to dish up. The guys get away with absolutely everything and cos the chicks are so thankful that they've found somebody to be with - even if he is a monster - they don't complain and they don't ask for more.

I have a problem with fat girls who want to be loved in spite of their bodies. The first thing that attracts people to each - before words are spoken and wits engaged - is the physical. I don't understand how you can want a man who didn't look at you and go OMG she's HAWT!! Our thinner sisters get that all the time. Guys approach them cos they look hot - I've yet to hear a skinny chick complain about the fact that the man she is now madly in love with was interested in a shag before he was interested in her brain and amazing personality. Yes, it does happen that personality is the first thing that attracts two people to each other - but that's hardly ever - and I don't get why its so upsetting to know that the first thing that a man found appealing about you was your body.
__________________
"Happiness isn't enough! I demand euphoria!"
http://fiercefotography.blogspot.com/
Tau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 04:58 PM   #13
StarWitness
part square, part drape
 
StarWitness's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sexcriminalboat
Posts: 692
StarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Personally, I've not been demanding enough. I spent way too long in a problematic relationship; it wasn't a nightmare-- we had some good times, and we loved each other-- but I was unhappy. And the sad part was that I resigned myself to that unhappiness, because I just assumed that nobody else would love me like he did (willfully ignoring all the emotionally toxic bullshit that went on, of course). It's shocking how happy I've been since we broke up.

I think I'm more discriminating now, but also what I'm looking for (and what I've learned to avoid) has changed-- like hey, I learned that it's important to make sure he respects me as an equal! How 'bout that.
__________________
Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag. --Homer Simpson

I've always been a guy with a sweet tooth, and that girl's just like a king-size candy bar...
--Sleater-Kinney
StarWitness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 05:34 PM   #14
Sugar
 
Sugar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,533
Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Sugar has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I've met lots of women who complain about being single, and then go down a list of things to pick the man apart. I want to shake them and say "THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SINGLE FOR THE LOVE HAM!"

I think that the majority of women expect a Jane Austen romance when we're going to get dinner at Olive Garden.

To me it's important to have a sense of self worth and an idea of what you want. However, if you're going to be rigid you'll probably miss out on something you didn't even know you wanted.
Sugar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 06:13 PM   #15
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
I'm going to have to agree and say yes some women have very unrealistic expectations. Ironically its been my experience that these unrealistic expectations are most often manifest by women who don't bring much to the table themselves. Its also been experience that this is not a fat thing -- thin women can be even more deluded.

The classic example is the Officer and Gentleman premise. The world is full of wannabees waiting to be saved from their life of drudgery. Unfortunately in the real word factory workers and store clerks seldom land that doctor/CEO/or fighter pilot. An example which I have personal knowledge of involved my mother-in-law -- as a young store clerk she had an affair with the married CEO of a rather large company and was upset when (surprise) he didn't leave his wife (FYI said MIL was about 105lbs at the time).

Another example is women who write off guys who don't fit a very narrow physical type. They use justifications like "I like what I like" or "I'm entitled to my preference." True -- but its also true that these women are draining much of the water out of the dating pool. I always find it ironic that women who don't want to be judged with regards to their physical appearance are often so quick to write off potential suitors based on physical characteristics.
Anyone, no matter what the physical appearance or size, has the right to a preference and a set of expectations. Of course, some may never find a partner to suit his/her needs -- but that is the price that they pay. I'm in a relationship, but if I wasn't, my expectations would be through the roof. I readily acknowledge that I'd probably spend the rest of my life alone. I'm OK with that. More than OK, actually. I like me, and I'm damn fine company for myself.

I don't believe that emotionally mature adults set expectations that are unreasonable, actually. Having high standards are not the same as someone nitpicking to death because he/she is actually afraid of intimacy.

You seem to think that a woman has to be a morphed version of Julia Roberts in order to voice a preference. I don't think that I have a narrow preference, but if I did, that would be no different than many FA's narrow preference of wanting to be with women of a certain size. We want what we want. I would never settle for a man whom I wasn't attracted to; it wouldn't be fair to either of us. And I'd promptly show my partner the door if I ever caught a whiff that he felt he was settling.
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:10 PM   #16
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mossystate View Post

Let me introduce you to where you are posting. I hope you are shaking your head over how many men out here have very...very...strict preferences. It is not a ' justification ' for a woman to know, not just say, that she is is entitled to her preference. When you can look me in the eye and say that you have no preferences when it comes to women, then give me shout.
Yes I have preferences. But I've always been flexible. If I could order a girl from the factory I'd request that she be 5'10", 280lbs, fair skin, dark hair, green eyes, with a graduate degree, and a professional job. My wife 5'5", 410lbs (when we met), dark skin, and an AA degree (but she's gone further on an AA than anyone else I know).

And, yes the guys who seek a very specific body are being unreasonable too.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:14 PM   #17
mossystate
flicks a booger on conrad
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,129
mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
This is a problem? Seriously, guys may fantasize about such a woman but in the end its my experience that men are not as quick to discount a potential mate who doesn't meet their fantasy. Also its the woman who usually ends a relationship -- once we get comfortable us guys will put up with almost anything.
I see lots and lots of women in relationships. I am sure many of them had ' fantasy ' men in their head. I personally have seen more women who ' settle ' ( and I don' think it is always settling, like I said ). I just don't take anything you say as meaning much...sorry. Once you sneer at women having preferences, your input is heavily tainted.
mossystate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:30 PM   #18
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post

And I'd promptly show my partner the door if I ever caught a whiff that he felt he was settling.

This a classic logical fallacy. We all either settle or remain alone. Settling for good enough or as good as its going to get is what adults do. We all have a certain amount of romantic capital (i.e. looks, money, education, personality traits). We use this romantic capital to bargain for a romantic situation. Those gifted with money brains and looks have a multitude of ways to spend their romantic capital and may not have to compromise much. The rest of us will never be able to get everything we want. Accepting this fact is part of the maturation process.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:30 PM   #19
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
That's my point -- the fantasy is misguided -- if you want the CEO you better (a) choose rich parents or (b) get an MBA. It's much more likely that the CEO will leave his wife for the hot young Jr. VP -- and even if he doesn't she'll get a great severance package to avoid that sexual harassment suit. If the only thing you bring table is your body you'll get the short end of the stick every time.
Clearly, you're impressed by credentials.

Meh. I'm an overly educated woman who is underwhelmed by many of my equally well-educated peers (and truth be told, I ain't exactly Einstein). I've learned that education doesn't equal intelligence. I see lots of people with "licensed" and "certified" and "MD" and "practitioner" gracing their impressive titles and it doesn't enure them from bigotry, general idiocy, and ridiculously obvious character flaws.

I'd take a hygenically challenged fish-monger over some PhD who thinks he's all that coz he can speak real purty.
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:34 PM   #20
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
This a classic logical fallacy. We all either settle or remain alone. Settling for good enough or as good as its going to get is what adults do. We all have a certain amount of romantic capital (i.e. looks, money, education, personality traits). We use this romantic capital to bargain for a romantic situation. Those gifted with money brains and looks have a multitude of ways to spend their romantic capital and may not have to compromise much. The rest of us will never be able to get everything we want. Accepting this fact is part of the maturation process.

Wow. I bet your wife, of whom you've assured us has gone real far with her associates degree, finds this sentiment to be very romantic
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:41 PM   #21
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Clearly, you're impressed by credentials.

Meh. I'm an overly educated woman who is underwhelmed by many of my equally well-educated peers (and truth be told, I ain't exactly Einstein). I've learned that education doesn't equal intelligence. I see lots of people with "licensed" and "certified" and "MD" and "practitioner" gracing their impressive titles and it doesn't enure them from bigotry, general idiocy, and ridiculously obvious character flaws.

I'd take a hygenically challenged fish-monger over some PhD who thinks he's all that coz he can speak real purty.

I'm impressed by intelligence and achievement. Educational credentials are only a proxy. Actual intelligence takes a while to assess. However, if you're sorting through potential mates you have to use proxy measures to weed people out -- sorry Mr. fish-monger.

Last edited by bigmac; 08-18-2009 at 08:51 PM. Reason: typo
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:43 PM   #22
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Wow. I bet your wife, of whom you've assured us has gone real far with her associates degree, finds this sentiment to be very romantic
If she wanted romantic she should have married someone else.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 08:45 PM   #23
fatgirlflyin
needs a vacation
 
fatgirlflyin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: California
Posts: 2,745
fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I think for some people, demanding is just in their nature. I know that I've certainly been guilty of being demanding a time or two in past relationships, and even in my current one if I'm going to be totally honest.

My guy seems to be able to deal with it when I get in one of my "moods" (I call it that, he doesn't) and will usually do whatever it is that I want so long as its within reason, and he's not scared to tell me when I'm being unreasonable. I do the same for him, relationships are give and take...

One thing that I try to do as a mother, is limit the amount of fairy tales in my daughters life. I think that we do a disservice to our daughters when we allow their heads to be filled with stories like Cinderella, Snow White, and the like. Same thing with romantic comedies for adults, I find myself a little persnickety if I watch too many of those sappy girly movies.
__________________
Keep on keeping on...
fatgirlflyin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 09:05 PM   #24
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
I'm impressed by intelligence and achievement. Educational credentials are only a proxy. Actual intelligence takes a while to assess. However, if you're sorting through potential mates you have to use proxy measures to weed people out -- sorry Mr. fish-monger.
OK, so those are your standards. I think that they are rather pedantic, but then, mine probably seem equally absurd to you. Good thing we aren't married, eh?
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2009, 09:13 PM   #25
mszwebs
For The WIN.
 
mszwebs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,409
mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!mszwebs keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Perhaps I have been too demanding in the past. Or, maybe demanding isn't the right word. Too...set in the confines of what I think I want?

Unfortunately, everyone that I thought that I wanted, and who actually wanted me back, turned out to be huge fucking assholes.

Sometimes though, I think that it's all about location. I am in an extremely small excuse for a city. Like...12,000 people with most of them being college kids who are only there 9 months of the year. I don't drive, so this IS my pool, and it is NOT very deep...though even with a severe lack of choices here, the internet has always been my greatest enemy, and is where I have been hurt the most intensely.

I wonder how differently I would feel about things if I lived in a city that actually had people in it.

I do believe though, that I have to stop treating dating as though its a perfect science (since CLEARLY I have yet to master it lol) , and be willing to take more risks when it comes to men. But again, this depends on FINDING them in the first place.

Ha. I have no idea if this is even on topic anymore. Sorry for the ramble.
mszwebs is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:05 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.