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Old 08-25-2009, 04:21 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by StarWitness View Post
So.... are (F)FAs overly selective when it comes to looking for a BBW/BHM?
MAEK THE COUNTER THREAD!
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Old 08-25-2009, 04:43 PM   #52
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MAEK THE COUNTER THREAD!
Dude, I thought this was the counter thread. :P
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Old 08-25-2009, 05:26 PM   #53
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Dude, I thought this was the counter thread. :P
NO! It has both groups involved! MAEK A SEPARATE THREAD! IT'S A WAR! Not really.
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Old 08-25-2009, 05:44 PM   #54
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For me it's all about what I can't live without and compromising on the rest. I believe people should know what they MUST have from their partner and relationship in order to keep them happy and satisified, and then being willing to compromise on the rest.

Thus, while looks do matter to me, I am always willing to "compromise" and date someone who may not be the best looking dude as long as I find him attractive. Yet when it comes to a man's physical size/weight, I am not really willing to compromise on this anymore because I'm not sexually satisified or happy unless my partner has some chub on him. Am I being picky here and leaving out alot of great, hot, wealthy, sweet, compasionate guys? Yes. But, I have learned from like expierence that fat is not something I can live without and still be happy and satisfied in my relationship - so no compromises there.

Also, in regards to people bringing equal things to the table: I have often noticed that in many relationships, women tend to bring more to the table then men in regards to looks, education, job/financial security - they are more likely to have the "total package" than their man. As a Black female with my Master's degree at the age of24; I can tell you that most of my Master-degree-having, good looking friends with well-paying jobs are either single or dating men that do not bring an equal level of the aforementioned attributes to the table. While many of these women do have a list of what they want ideally in a man - and that list mostly consists of a man who brings as much to the relationship as she does - few can find it and they often have to compromise (or settle in some cases), especially if they want to get married. These women often have to place more importance on a man's personality and other similar attributes while "ignoring/overlooking" the other things he lacks - things that are on their wish list. But, I think alot of this has to do with the FACT (as in statistics can back me up here) that overall, Black men just don't have their sh!t together as well as Black women do in regards to having college degrees, gainful/secure employment and so forth. Because of this, Black men can have their pick of women and be HIGHLY demanding whereas Black women cannot.
As a black man with a M.S., I can say a whole lot about this. Reading this post reminded me of a conversation I had with another black man a month ago while we were waiting for the bus. I don't know what it is about women in the Baltimore-DC area. So many women in this region are overly fixated on finding a rich man. Since I was a teenager, I have heard African American women griping about how they can't find a decent black man for a litany of reasons. In a capitalist society like America's, there are only so many doctors, lawyers and wealthy corporate executives to go around. These are elite professions. By definition, they are only a small minority of men. And when you look at the number of African American men in elite professions, the numbers shrink even more.

I don't think being a "good" man depends on how much money you have, whether you are white collar or blue collar, whether you drive a Lexus, a BMW, or an Escalade; whether you take annual trips to Europe, or whether you make $10,000 donations to your megachurch.

It's hard enough to find a rich man (or a 6' tall rich man). How about a responsible man with good character and a lot of love to give?

To the materialistic women out there whose primary interest is finding Mr. Moneybags, I say good luck. Once I start making six figures, I will pass you by because all you cared about was one thing and it was not love.

I'm getting off my soapbox now and yielding the floor to the other FAs and FFAs.



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Old 08-25-2009, 08:33 PM   #55
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You just have to pick through the bargain bin like wrestling guy said to find that special jewel..
Hell, at this point, I would settle for simply finding a bargain in the garbage....errrrr I mean bargain bin
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:41 PM   #56
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Old 08-26-2009, 01:33 AM   #57
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Hell, at this point, I would settle for simply finding a bargain in the garbage....errrrr I mean bargain bin

LOL Need a new pair of coveralls?
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Old 08-26-2009, 12:26 PM   #58
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[...] Reading this post reminded me of a conversation I had with another black man a month ago while we were waiting for the bus.[...]
That's at least two black men not driving their own car.That could be construed as a clear sign you guys don't have your sh!t together.

It's guys like you that can choose from all those degree-toting black chicks, duping them out of their chances of finding a decent black doctor/lawyer.

For shame, scamming those unsuspecting, naive women with university degrees. FOR SHAME!
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Old 08-26-2009, 04:45 PM   #59
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That's at least two black men not driving their own car.That could be construed as a clear sign you guys don't have your sh!t together.

It's guys like you that can choose from all those degree-toting black chicks, duping them out of their chances of finding a decent black doctor/lawyer.

For shame, scamming those unsuspecting, naive women with university degrees. FOR SHAME!

You are too funny!
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Old 08-31-2009, 10:12 AM   #60
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i'd laugh at anyone complaining someone is too picky - desperate's far more common than delusional
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Old 08-31-2009, 03:40 PM   #61
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i'd laugh at anyone complaining someone is too picky - desperate's far more common than delusional
Amen......my agreement is probably why I cringe whenever I see these thread titles pop up on my User CP..........

I have spent too much of my life taking crap off of other people- and I'm far from the only person with this problem.

Picky and alone seems mighty shiny to me right now......
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Old 08-31-2009, 05:08 PM   #62
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That's at least two black men not driving their own car.That could be construed as a clear sign you guys don't have your sh!t together.
It could also be construed as evidence that they are smart enough to refuse to pay outrageous parking fee charges and fortunate live in a city with reasonably reliable public transportation.

Back in my grandfather's day monied business executives and professional men with perfectly good Packards and Buicks in the garage still rode the good old Pacific Electric red cars to work in downtown Los Angeles berfore WW2.

Why?

It was convenient. In 1919 trolley companies comprised America's fourth largest industry, behind Agriculture, Railroads an Steelmaking. There was no shame in using public transportation - a car was a luxury for most. But after the flash depression of 1922 things changed rapidly and trolleys began a long period of decline. The busses that replaced them were not nearly as accomodating and those who could afford a car with which to commute tended to use them. By the end of the Korean conflict the transition was complete except for cities like New York, Chicago and London.

I've only been to NYC once in my nearly seven decades of life in America. After seeing the wall to wall taxis four deep at the intersections and the costs for garaging a private car there I can readily understand why workers there don't commute like we do here in California.

In recent years public transportation has seen a revival - and using it should not be a stigma. I know at least a half dozen people who rely on them. Last fall my own car was out of commission, so on a lark I decided to try the Metro-Link and connecting buses rather than renting a car. I was surprised how easy it was to make a sixty mile trip with two connections.

All that said, I don't think it would be classy to use public transit for a first date.
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Old 08-31-2009, 05:20 PM   #63
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It could also be construed as evidence that they are smart enough to refuse to pay outrageous parking fee charges and fortunate live in a city with reasonably reliable public transportation.

[...]

All that said, I don't think it would be classy to use public transit for a first date.
I thought I put a there...

Wait a minute, I did put a there!
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Old 08-31-2009, 06:53 PM   #64
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What you're saying overall isn't completely off base Bigmac, but I think you are not accounting for a person's potential... or the ability of the "less desirable" to make themselves more desirable in other ways such as how they dress, their personalities or the variables of what a potential suitor seeks. Some people are attracted to the "geeks", they may be people in a "higher class" of potential mates... there are infinite combinations of how people of varying "quality" might interact. Saying that someone must settle for someone at some level of desirability is almost asserting that there is some sort of caste system that exists as to the level of a person's desirability. I think the variables are too great to make such a blanket assessment as to how "realistic" a person can be in finding a potential S.O. I still think it comes down to one's desire to find someone up to their standards... to make themselves more desirable if they have the inclination to do so... and as I said earlier, there will need to be some compromise because I don't think there is such a thing as "the perfect mate".

Good post. I'll concede that I didn't address the personal potential issue. Yes, its true that people cab improve themselves. Indeed the desire to learn and achieve (and I'm not talking just money) is one of the attributes that make a person desirable in the first place. However, in the calculus of mate selection I still think that potential needs to be reduced to its present value (i.e. discounted for the not insubstantial possibility that a person will not fulfill his or her potential, and for the time, effort, and money that will need to be invested to fulfill said potential). In this respect a medical school graduate is worth more in the romantic market place than a biology grad with a good GPA and MACT score. Of course potential will mean more to those younger than I who have time to invest in their mates success. Unfortunately, for those of us over 40 -- as a former GF told me before she dumped me for an investment banker -- a some point potential is just not enough.
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:54 AM   #65
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I don't think I'm asking for too much when I say I want a reasonably tall girl who isn't fucking crazy or stupid. However, I know that most of my difficulty in dating stems from my own flaws - shy, shit job, off-putting personality, etc. - than from my expectations. I know it's going to be a fairly rare person who can put up with me in the long run.
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Old 10-24-2009, 12:50 AM   #66
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I don't think I'm asking for too much when I say I want a reasonably tall girl who isn't fucking crazy or stupid. However, I know that most of my difficulty in dating stems from my own flaws - shy, shit job, off-putting personality, etc. - than from my expectations. I know it's going to be a fairly rare person who can put up with me in the long run.
5'8 3/4" tall
not crazy
genius level IQ

shy in person until I feel comfortable with someone. online, not so much.

able to over look anothers personal flaws

I'm very rare. One of a kind. Unique.

I think we have a match!!! (Did I mention I'm playful and funny sometimes?)


Now, do you sleep with your sunglasses on?

Do you talk in your sleep? Specifically, would I be startled awake by comments such as are posted at Dimensions? (LOL)

Ummm... you didn't mention age. Could a fat bellied SSBBMILF do it for ya?


No. This is NOT a personal ad. Mini knows I'm kidding. I hope!


Seriously. I consider myself to be very selective. I think that it is wise to be so, especially when desiring a long term relationship. My "list" isn't based upon appearances, finances, or the number of initals that follow a man's name, but moreso based upon his character and integrity and upon his acceptance of my being a SSBBW and upon my health needs. (I may decide to explain further at a later time.)


Last edited by Angel; 10-24-2009 at 12:52 AM. Reason: Oh! He must be able to overlook spelling and typing errors!
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:07 PM   #67
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I don't think I chose who I married, I think Fate made the choice for me. Theresa is a perfect match and we just had our 20th anniversary. She is God's gift to one man, and I'm still wondering what I did in another life to possibly deserve such a prize.

If the day comes that I lose her, I'll look out into the world including the women of DIMS and see absolutely nobody that can even come close to a match.

I don't mean this to be negative to the women of DIMS or anyone else, but it is true.
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