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Old 08-24-2009, 11:54 PM   #26
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I would move for love...hell, I'd move for most things right now! I'm currently living back in my home town, at my parents house, and am always looking for ways & means to move away! My friends are spread around the UK, so I'm sure I'd make new ones wherever I ended up. I'm used to not seeing my family for 4-5 months at a time so as long as I can talk to them on the phone I don't mind.

A this stage of my life, apart from my job, which I don't like but wouldnt want to leave unless I knew I could get employment elsewhere, I have no responsibilities here (or anywhere!). If an LDR went tits up in person, hey ho, we live & learn. I could always come back.
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Old 08-25-2009, 04:52 AM   #27
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I would be skeptical to travel for love, for a relationship developed on the internet or through letters. It is impossible to determine the outcome of living together. What if you move across the country and realize that this man was not all that he was cracked up to be? A lot of people play games for years on the internet to swoon a woman, but when the true colors start showing, a long distance move (where there are possibly no family/friends etc...) can truly bite you in the ass.
I can see what your saying. If I was to move for a ldr, I would live in my own apt for six months or so. Just to make sure I am not ass out if it does not work out. But I would still move but just be smart about it.
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Old 08-25-2009, 06:42 AM   #28
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I would definitley relocate for the right person. It would all depend on a few factors though. If he lived in Pisshit, OK the answer would be right no. If it's a place I'm sure I can be relatively happy, establish work, get good medical care, plant roots, grow personally and get a box of Snocaps at CVS then it would be fine.
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:13 AM   #29
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There are way too many variables to give a hard yes or no answer. I sort of did, and I'd do it again, but there were many other things that factored in to the decision (was it a place I'd want to live anyway, was it good for my career, was I happy were I was, etc.). Like Lilly, if they'd been living in ..... oh, I dunno, say Alaska, that would have been a deal breaker for me.

But I'm kind of a vagabond. I get itchy feet when I stay in one place too long. I, and for that matter, most people in my family, tend to move every 10 years or so.
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:27 AM   #30
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Hmm, it seems that most of you are talking about moving interstate? While it is painful leaving friends and family, they won't be that far away and at least the new place will still somewhat familiar. Applying to live and/or work in a different country (long waits plus the scary possibility of your Visa getting rejected), especially one where people don't even speak English and where your qualifications might not be recognised is a very different thing.
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:34 AM   #31
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Hmm, it seems that most of you are talking about moving interstate? While it is painful leaving friends and family, they won't be that far away and at least the new place will still somewhat familiar. Applying to live and/or work in a different country (long waits plus the scary possibility of your Visa getting rejected), especially one where people don't even speak English and where your qualifications might not be recognised is a very different thing.
Most Americans don't have so much experience with other cultures they're going to find a person they actually fall in love with. Falling in love has as much to do with what you have in common as what you don't.

That being said I got married spur of the moment in Vegas not even thinking it was going to mess up my former husband's visa. We had a few years of fixing the mess with the INS...it was worth it.
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:49 AM   #32
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Hmm, it seems that most of you are talking about moving interstate? While it is painful leaving friends and family, they won't be that far away and at least the new place will still somewhat familiar. Applying to live and/or work in a different country (long waits plus the scary possibility of your Visa getting rejected), especially one where people don't even speak English and where your qualifications might not be recognised is a very different thing.
I've often considered moving internationally just for myself. I've had many prospects musically on the international stage that I don't really get to explore here in the states and thought to exploit them by moving. Issues like -- can I work and make enough to support myself there, how are my medical issues viewed and treated there, are buildings and public travel accessable for me, etc. weighed on my mind in pretty much the same way it does here. In fact I was more worried about all of that than I was about the language barrier. Most places have enough English speaking signs and people there to survive hacking the native language to pieces before I can master it beyond what I already know. I would not be able to argue politics or tell a proper dirty joke for a while but otherwise I don't see it as a great worry for me personally.
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:54 AM   #33
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Well, my move was from Canada to the US. Not exactly a huge leap, but a bit more than state to state. I would still move to another, *more* foreign country, but the requirements would be more stringent I guess. (I'd be much more inclined to move to say Italy, France or Spain....than Germany or Czechoslovakia).
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:10 AM   #34
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I've often considered moving internationally just for myself. I've had many prospects musically on the international stage that I don't really get to explore here in the states and thought to exploit them by moving. Issues like -- can I work and make enough to support myself there, how are my medical issues viewed and treated there, are buildings and public travel accessable for me, etc. weighed on my mind in pretty much the same way it does here. In fact I was more worried about all of that than I was about the language barrier. Most places have enough English speaking signs and people there to survive hacking the native language to pieces before I can master it beyond what I already know. I would not be able to argue politics or tell a proper dirty joke for a while but otherwise I don't see it as a great worry for me personally.
Me too, Lilly. The big issue always is, can I support myself. Till I figure out how I can do that I'll be keeping myself stateside, sadly.
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:24 AM   #35
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The posts about moving internationally made me think. I do not know if I would be able to make a move like that. Let alone speak to someone from another country. I am always concerned that guys who contact me from outside the US are scam artists. Its refreshing to see that some of the relationships are genuine.
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:34 AM   #36
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The posts about moving internationally made me think. I do not know if I would be able to make a move like that. Let alone speak to someone from another country. I am always concerned that guys who contact me from outside the US are scam artists. Its refreshing to see that some of the relationships are genuine.
Jewels, your post makes me a little sad. There is so much to experience and to learn in the world, and to limit oneself just to American mates is....well, it's just limiting. I'll encourage you to give other people / cultures a chance!

It's always good to have your guard up against scam artists...but there's plenty of those in America too.
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:44 AM   #37
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The posts about moving internationally made me think. I do not know if I would be able to make a move like that. Let alone speak to someone from another country. I am always concerned that guys who contact me from outside the US are scam artists. Its refreshing to see that some of the relationships are genuine.
Yeah, it's unfortunate that in the U.S., the scam artists are well-established banks and wall-street tycoons, rather than individual 'royal highnesses' (or their authorized agents) wishing to deposit large sums of money into your account and share the fortune for your trouble
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:49 AM   #38
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TraciJo, thanks for the laugh
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:11 AM   #39
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Jewels, your post makes me a little sad. There is so much to experience and to learn in the world, and to limit oneself just to American mates is....well, it's just limiting. I'll encourage you to give other people / cultures a chance!

It's always good to have your guard up against scam artists...but there's plenty of those in America too.
It was not my intention to make anyone sad. I do date guys from other countries but they normally live in the US. I have two friends that had a bad experiences with dating internationally online. Call me jaded, but as soon as I hear a guy is from a certain country, I dismiss it. I admire people who take the leap and do it.
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:16 AM   #40
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Duly noted!
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:18 AM   #41
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My mom always taught me, don't ever move, or move in with a man without a ring on your finger. That's the only advice I can think to give at the moment.
My mom's philosophy as well and when I'd hear such things from her, I'd kind of roll my eyes and think she just doesn't get it, or me or whatever.. but in my relationship with my husband who I dated LD for almost two years after meeting him in the chatroom here at Dims, the moment we decided it was time one of us (me) had to move to the other ASAP (there was never going to be a "best" or "right" time for it), we pretty much agreed I'd sell my house, quit my job and move in with him.. And I was really excited for about five minutes, then I imagined the conversation with my mom that would follow. Then I thought about his conservative Catholic parents too.. so I asked him, "How do you think your parents will take it when you tell them I'm moving in with you?" He said, not so well.. lol, and I said, "yeah, mine too. They would be much happier to hear we were getting married." Then he said, "Well, then why don't we?" So I basically passive aggressively forced a proposal at that moment. He gave me a ring at our next weekend together, six months later we got married and eight months more after that, I quit my job of nearly 10 years, put my house on the market and finally moved to be with him.

I would have moved without the ring, but the scariness level would have been even higher. Having it gave me confidence he was as serious about having me in his life for the long term as I was about him.
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:24 AM   #42
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Most Americans don't have so much experience with other cultures they're going to find a person they actually fall in love with. Falling in love has as much to do with what you have in common as what you don't.

That being said I got married spur of the moment in Vegas not even thinking it was going to mess up my former husband's visa. We had a few years of fixing the mess with the INS...it was worth it.
Really? That was a very interesting point. All of the people I've been involved with - there aren't legions mind you, just about 4 , were not from my country. In fact I've never even gone on a date with any South African men. If I were in a LDR it would mean serious uprooting. Also, I've always wanted to live in Alaska
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:25 AM   #43
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My mom's philosophy as well and when I'd hear such things from her, I'd kind of roll my eyes and think she just doesn't get it, or me or whatever.. but in my relationship with my husband who I dated LD for almost two years after meeting him in the chatroom here at Dims, the moment we decided it was time one of us (me) had to move to the other ASAP (there was never going to be a "best" or "right" time for it), we pretty much agreed I'd sell my house, quit my job and move in with him.. And I was really excited for about five minutes, then I imagined the conversation with my mom that would follow. Then I thought about his conservative Catholic parents too.. so I asked him, "How do you think your parents will take it when you tell them I'm moving in with you?" He said, not so well.. lol, and I said, "yeah, mine too. They would be much happier to hear we were getting married." Then he said, "Well, then why don't we?" So I basically passive aggressively forced a proposal at that moment. He gave me a ring at our next weekend together, six months later we got married and eight months more after that, I quit my job of nearly 10 years, put my house on the market and finally moved to be with him.

I would have moved without the ring, but the scariness level would have been even higher. Having it gave me confidence he was as serious about having me in his life for the long term as I was about him.
LOVE this story!
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Old 03-14-2011, 05:15 PM   #44
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I would definitely move for love. I would.. totally.

Love is part of the reason I want to get my masters in Boulder, CO
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Old 03-14-2011, 06:25 PM   #45
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Old 03-21-2011, 05:53 PM   #46
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Personally, traveling for love, well Moved for love is exactly what I did. H came and saw me January and Julys for two years. He would spend any where from a week to three with me. Then on the third year of us knowing each other I moved from Louisiana to New York. Was these visits enough to prepare us for living together.. NO NO NO!!! Moving for H, has been a very rocky path. While many things in my life have improved from 1 to 5 five being great, there are things that are still very rocky. Such as expectations change once you live together. Those long talk you had every day for years, just leave you feeling like you now know someone totally different. While I think traveling for love, Moving for love can work out. I think you need to be independent doing these things. Especially moving because you can end up feeling like your life has become someone else's who really doesn't care.
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Old 03-21-2011, 06:36 PM   #47
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I was willing to do it twice. It worked well for a long time with one, and the other just fell apart before it actually happened. Once, someone moved for me. That worked well too while it lasted.

It's not easy to get me to commit to anything. If I am committed to a person, and they to me, then I consider the individual and relocation absolutely worth the sacrifice.
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Old 03-22-2011, 12:05 AM   #48
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I was once in a semi-LDR. My ex lived in a somewhat of a rural area, and it was an ordeal to get out there to visit him, especially since I didn't have a car. We met online, and had lots of chemistry online, which followed through to when we met up...but, there were a whole lot of factors that came in to play in person that didn't apply online. It was fun, but it didn't last long at all, and eventually culminated in a train wreck. Before that ex-boyfriend, there was another guy that I had a brief thing with - same story, chemistry online, but things fell apart in person.

With my current boyfriend, however (who I also met online...hehe), we didn't have much chemistry online. I decided to meet up with as a "what the hell" kind of thing, and I'm still dating him two years later. In person, we just got along like a house on fire (is that how the saying goes)?

Sooooo I guess what I'm trying to say is, based on my personal experience, I wouldn't agree to move in with someone I hadn't met in person yet. I guess I would visit them for a couple months or something first, to see how things played out. But I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who would choose to move in with their significant other right away, as I can't say what is the "right" choice for anyone other than myself.

Wow, I think this was my longest post yet!
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:33 AM   #49
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Originally Posted by coriander View Post
I was once in a semi-LDR. My ex lived in a somewhat of a rural area, and it was an ordeal to get out there to visit him, especially since I didn't have a car. We met online, and had lots of chemistry online, which followed through to when we met up...but, there were a whole lot of factors that came in to play in person that didn't apply online. It was fun, but it didn't last long at all, and eventually culminated in a train wreck. Before that ex-boyfriend, there was another guy that I had a brief thing with - same story, chemistry online, but things fell apart in person.

With my current boyfriend, however (who I also met online...hehe), we didn't have much chemistry online. I decided to meet up with as a "what the hell" kind of thing, and I'm still dating him two years later. In person, we just got along like a house on fire (is that how the saying goes)?

Sooooo I guess what I'm trying to say is, based on my personal experience, I wouldn't agree to move in with someone I hadn't met in person yet. I guess I would visit them for a couple months or something first, to see how things played out. But I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who would choose to move in with their significant other right away, as I can't say what is the "right" choice for anyone other than myself.

Wow, I think this was my longest post yet!
And it was a good one! I read the whole thing and I'm a skimmer. Good points all.
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Old 03-22-2011, 06:17 AM   #50
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Sooooo I guess what I'm trying to say is, based on my personal experience, I wouldn't agree to move in with someone I hadn't met in person yet. :
Since you did type the above, this may be a very naive question but ... do people actually do this? This just seems like a terrible idea to me, although I can think of 1 situation in which it did work out... but ... It's very mail-order bride/husband to me.
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