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Old 03-22-2011, 01:05 PM   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
And it was a good one! I read the whole thing and I'm a skimmer. Good points all.
Aw, thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jes
Since you did type the above, this may be a very naive question but ... do people actually do this? This just seems like a terrible idea to me, although I can think of 1 situation in which it did work out... but ... It's very mail-order bride/husband to me.
I guess I should maybe have phrased that a bit differently...I was thinking of "moving" more broadly...like, not moving in with the person right away, but moving to the place where they live. And I have known a few people to express intent to do that (although, they never did follow through). However, I do know someone for whom someone moved recently (from another country). She moved in with him right away - but then again, this wasn't a purely online situation, they had known each other since childhood and have a "history" and stuff.
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Old 03-22-2011, 02:49 PM   #52
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If you asked me this a year ago I would have said with out a doubt yes and gushed about love and holding on to that person and blah blah blah. A year later I am much more realistic. My last relationship was a LDR and I had every intention of moving after I finished school. We talked about getting a place, all of that. Things were pretty serious and I think had we still been together when I graduated I probably would have gone. Since the end of that relationship however, its kind of like a little light bulb when off and was like UM NO! I'm glad it never escalated to that point because if I would have uprooted my whole life only to have it not work out I would have been devastated. At this point, I would have to know for certain that I was really going to be with that person long term, and take things extremely slow, otherwise I couldn't justify a move- especially if it were a long distance. I say I want to leave where I am, but to leave everything I know and love for a guy just seems wrong to me now.
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Old 03-22-2011, 03:44 PM   #53
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I know any future husband i take will be from my town or the ones surrounding it. I figure... I have so many awesome friends from my area, I should be able to find one that can put up with my temper.
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:59 AM   #54
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I think also that it depends on the line of work someone is in. A lot of jobs are extremely transferable. A musician friend of mine moved to Germany to live with a man who turned out to be a total prick. She was with him for a few years before moving out into her own place. She's still in Germany dating someone else now but she's had FABULOUS career success that she would not have had here. Depending on the field someone is in they can easily pick up and move someplace else to work. In many ways it is encouraged and a budding new relationship is just the spark one needs to get moving. If the relationship bombs who cares? Not a big deal if you're getting gigs.

In a long distance realationship I would probably be the one required to move because I don't really have a 'career' per se. If my beloved is the local fire chief for example I wouldn't expect him to leave his job to come starve next to me on the couch here in Boston. It would be very easy for me to plug in someplace else granted there's a market there. If you don't really have much going for you where you live, moving would probably be a good idea anyway even without the relationship. It can't get much worse unless you're moving in with Charlie Sheen.
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Old 03-23-2011, 10:03 AM   #55
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How about staying put for love?

I met my now-spouse after finding a two-bedroom apartment in Nashville, packing up most of my stuff, and wrapping up loose ends before the move date.

We met and after a month, I couldn't leave. Told me landlord I was staying...and stayed.

On topic, though, sure I would move for love, but it would have to be Paris due to my love for arts music theatre as well as musicians writers dancers artists kooks nuts etc.
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Old 03-23-2011, 11:37 AM   #56
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It can't get much worse unless you're moving in with Charlie Sheen.
LMAO definitely the line of the whole thread!
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Old 03-24-2011, 07:12 AM   #57
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I would be willing to move for love. If you had asked this same question a few short years ago, I would have said 'No Way!' - my career was too important to me. However, I've since changed my mind and would be willing to relocate for love, on the assumption that the job market in the area was stable.

In a twisted kind of way, I feel "weak" for admitting I would leave my well paying and secure job if some man came along and swept me off my feet. As a strong, independent woman I shouldn't allow a man to cloud my judgement, or influence me mentally - lure me away from my job to a place I don't know. Right?? However for me and where I am in my life right now, I would move for love. I enjoy my job, but my job is no longer my life. I suppose my priorities have changed a bit, and I'm still now coming to terms with this mental shift. I have few friends where I live (most have moved away); no family; no real ties other than my job.

All this being said, I can totally understand why other women (and men) would be reluctant to relocate for love. Particularly in the US, where it seems job security is at such a premium that it's a HUGE risk to resign a position without any other jobs lined up.

For me though, this is all hypothetical as I haven't been in a position where I have had to choose between staying put or relocating to try a relationship with someone elsewhere. Maybe if that scenario ever arose I would think differently!! It's a big leap of faith to simply pack up and move to another city/state/country for the sake of love. What if it didn't work out? What if it did? Perhaps it's a matter of weighing up the pros and cons.
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Old 03-24-2011, 09:49 AM   #58
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I moved to Pittsburgh in February with a very newborn baby to be with my man.. It's working out well. Previously I had two LDRs.. One worked out and one epically did not... I travelled to England for that. I may be a silly romantic but I say love is worth it


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Old 03-24-2011, 10:22 AM   #59
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Yes and no ? It would be extremely difficult for me to leave my family and life behind...but love knows no geographic boundary. I'm going out to Cali in May to meet up with someone that I like...and then we'll see from there. No use in thinking about uprooting my life until it gets to that point
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Old 03-24-2011, 05:29 PM   #60
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No. I just started going for my MBA, and I have to stay at my company for a year after I finish it, or I have to pay them back *all* the financial aid. So, no. At least, not until I can.
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Old 03-24-2011, 06:39 PM   #61
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Unhappy Heartbreakers

I did it once yrs ago, and i was the happiest I'd ever been in my life.

I tried it again beginning a year and a half ago. Now I'm sorry I did because even w/ little resources I'm doing everything:
-- I initiate the emails.
-- I send the letters.
-- He has the orgasms..... I don't.
-- I check on him and ask how his mom, whom has cancer, is doing and to give her my best though she doesn't know me. I'm sensitive to things like that because I lost my hubby to cancer.
-- I care. He clearly doesn't.
-- I show genuine interest in his projects, speaking engagements, remind him to print out his sheet music and to rehearse, etc.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..... and impatient. My funds are strained if not nil. But I love him very much and have a job opportunity there where he is. But I have to obtain the proper forms & documents, letters, etc. along with the expensive fees to submit everything to the Canadian Consulate in D.C. or NYC whichever is closer [D.C. for me]. Its frustrating. I've no printer; i'd print the damn forms myself [boyfriend is too 'busy' to print everything out and mail them to me]. I can't get to a library to pay to have it printed out.

On paper, he's a catch and we're great-- when we're together. But oy. I still want to move to Toronto to be w/ him, live and work there legit. He wants me there, but he needs to start stepping up and help if he wants me there so badly. Otherwise, I'll need to have a good cry again, chalk it up to yet another guy from Toronto that's broken my heart, move on and create a plan 'B', 'C' and 'D'.

I really love him. But I think back to the pics of his ex wife that i saw prior to their divorce from 3 yrs ago. She looked so sad, depressed, tired and just plain unhappy. I recall asking him, "What the hell did u do to her? She looks haggard, washed out and miserable!".

And get this, he said, back during December when I was briefly in Toronto, after I arrived and he dumped me in a hotel **[JAYDOG, if you're reading this you can confirm this story. I PM'd you on DIMS from the hotel after this transpired] and was 'scared to visit me', he'd rather come to the states to visit me. I sobbed and cried on the phone, begging him to visit me at the hotel. But he was cold, unfeeling, aloof, insensitive and didn't give a sh1t. He later said "I was sick. Inexcusable for his actions. I was super ill too. He gave me the flu, which he caught on biz in Italy, when I was there for a full week in November the week of my b'day. Douchebag!! He didn't want me at the house out of fear what his attorney would say since he's still fighting a botched up prenup and I wasn't totally aware of all the legal, detailed stuff. He should've known. He's lived in Toronto for over 30 yrs. and eventually received citizenship. He's a native New Yorker/ Connecticut kid. He had to deal w/ that before he got there.

I'm aggravated and not sure what I'm doing / have to do. What I do know is that I need an ideal guy that suits my tastes that'll love me unconditionally. And move the hell outta the Commonwealth of Virginia asap and to a city I'd like and could quickly learn to get around in via public transportation since I cannot drive. This sucks but I've gotta cut bait. I'm better off alone and just search for attractive, 'LOCAL' friends with benefits' that have their own place, live alone and have a car.

It just hurts, especially having invested so much time, energy, my heart in this man. Let him continue fawning over his 3 cats cuz that's the only pussy he's gonna get. Sad thing is, he's so oblivious and wouldn't care. Its ALL ABOUT HIM. Its the david show. Inconsiderate, heartless prick. I'm so glad I never posted a pic in the 'COUPLES THREAD'. I would look like a nimrod for sure. No more LDRs for me. It always ends up one sided w/ one person trying to make it work.

signed,
Vexed in Virginia
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Old 03-25-2011, 03:58 AM   #62
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Katerina I am so sorry that you have had to put up with such shoddy treatment at the hands of this man.
It must hurt so much to have invested so much of your time, and your very heart and soul into this man, only to have him behave in such a terrible manner.
You are a beautiful and intelligent woman, I see that from your postings here.
Any real man would be proud to call you his soulmate, and be proud to have you on his arm.

He IS out there. Believe that.

xo
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Old 03-25-2011, 04:49 AM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSBBW Katerina View Post
I did it once yrs ago, and i was the happiest I'd ever been in my life.

I tried it again beginning a year and a half ago. Now I'm sorry I did because even w/ little resources I'm doing everything:
-- I initiate the emails.
-- I send the letters.
-- He has the orgasms..... I don't.
-- I check on him and ask how his mom, whom has cancer, is doing and to give her my best though she doesn't know me. I'm sensitive to things like that because I lost my hubby to cancer.
-- I care. He clearly doesn't.
-- I show genuine interest in his projects, speaking engagements, remind him to print out his sheet music and to rehearse, etc.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..... and impatient. My funds are strained if not nil. But I love him very much and have a job opportunity there where he is. But I have to obtain the proper forms & documents, letters, etc. along with the expensive fees to submit everything to the Canadian Consulate in D.C. or NYC whichever is closer [D.C. for me]. Its frustrating. I've no printer; i'd print the damn forms myself [boyfriend is too 'busy' to print everything out and mail them to me]. I can't get to a library to pay to have it printed out.

On paper, he's a catch and we're great-- when we're together. But oy. I still want to move to Toronto to be w/ him, live and work there legit. He wants me there, but he needs to start stepping up and help if he wants me there so badly. Otherwise, I'll need to have a good cry again, chalk it up to yet another guy from Toronto that's broken my heart, move on and create a plan 'B', 'C' and 'D'.

I really love him. But I think back to the pics of his ex wife that i saw prior to their divorce from 3 yrs ago. She looked so sad, depressed, tired and just plain unhappy. I recall asking him, "What the hell did u do to her? She looks haggard, washed out and miserable!".

And get this, he said, back during December when I was briefly in Toronto, after I arrived and he dumped me in a hotel **[JAYDOG, if you're reading this you can confirm this story. I PM'd you on DIMS from the hotel after this transpired] and was 'scared to visit me', he'd rather come to the states to visit me. I sobbed and cried on the phone, begging him to visit me at the hotel. But he was cold, unfeeling, aloof, insensitive and didn't give a sh1t. He later said "I was sick. Inexcusable for his actions. I was super ill too. He gave me the flu, which he caught on biz in Italy, when I was there for a full week in November the week of my b'day. Douchebag!! He didn't want me at the house out of fear what his attorney would say since he's still fighting a botched up prenup and I wasn't totally aware of all the legal, detailed stuff. He should've known. He's lived in Toronto for over 30 yrs. and eventually received citizenship. He's a native New Yorker/ Connecticut kid. He had to deal w/ that before he got there.

I'm aggravated and not sure what I'm doing / have to do. What I do know is that I need an ideal guy that suits my tastes that'll love me unconditionally. And move the hell outta the Commonwealth of Virginia asap and to a city I'd like and could quickly learn to get around in via public transportation since I cannot drive. This sucks but I've gotta cut bait. I'm better off alone and just search for attractive, 'LOCAL' friends with benefits' that have their own place, live alone and have a car.

It just hurts, especially having invested so much time, energy, my heart in this man. Let him continue fawning over his 3 cats cuz that's the only pussy he's gonna get. Sad thing is, he's so oblivious and wouldn't care. Its ALL ABOUT HIM. Its the david show. Inconsiderate, heartless prick. I'm so glad I never posted a pic in the 'COUPLES THREAD'. I would look like a nimrod for sure. No more LDRs for me. It always ends up one sided w/ one person trying to make it work.

signed,
Vexed in Virginia
Katerina you know what everyone is going to say but I'm going to say it anyway. RUN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! OMG, what's he going to be like five years from now if you are still with this man? And I do SO know that it is like asking you to sever an arm. I've been there, stayed way too long and it took me a long time to finally break free. But omg girlie..... you are so beautiful and so smart. You deserve and can do so much better or you can do bad all by yourself. Sending you sisterly vibes of love and strength.

Please run.
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Old 03-25-2011, 11:47 AM   #64
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Red face Thank you Shosh, Lilly, GTAFA & Tad

Thank you for your kind, understanding words of wisdom and encouragement. I'll heed them.

And to the available, good hearted, earnest men out there that might be sincere, reliable, dependable, not a self absorbed schmuck and fit what I'm looking for, and you're profile is in order with pics of yourself on it and you're not a photo fiend, bet ages 44-56 , good build [i'm big enough for both of us], 5'10"-6'2", clean shaven and dig classical- hip hop- some rock & pop music , and reside alone within a 200 mile radius of me then shoot me a message w/ ur email and details about yourself.

I'm good to a new home asap lol, housebroken, super affectionate, don't eat much despite what you see, very quiet, can do tricks [ ], and if i eat chocolate u won't have to rush me to the vet.

I'm still blue and pissed off though, peeps. I need to auction off my 'rose coloured glasses'.

Ciao,
Katerina
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Old 03-25-2011, 12:15 PM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSBBW Katerina View Post
I did it once yrs ago, and i was the happiest I'd ever been in my life.

I tried it again beginning a year and a half ago. Now I'm sorry I did because even w/ little resources I'm doing everything:
-- I initiate the emails.
-- I send the letters.
-- He has the orgasms..... I don't.
-- I check on him and ask how his mom, whom has cancer, is doing and to give her my best though she doesn't know me. I'm sensitive to things like that because I lost my hubby to cancer.
-- I care. He clearly doesn't.
-- I show genuine interest in his projects, speaking engagements, remind him to print out his sheet music and to rehearse, etc.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..... and impatient. My funds are strained if not nil. But I love him very much and have a job opportunity there where he is. But I have to obtain the proper forms & documents, letters, etc. along with the expensive fees to submit everything to the Canadian Consulate in D.C. or NYC whichever is closer [D.C. for me]. Its frustrating. I've no printer; i'd print the damn forms myself [boyfriend is too 'busy' to print everything out and mail them to me]. I can't get to a library to pay to have it printed out.

On paper, he's a catch and we're great-- when we're together. But oy. I still want to move to Toronto to be w/ him, live and work there legit. He wants me there, but he needs to start stepping up and help if he wants me there so badly. Otherwise, I'll need to have a good cry again, chalk it up to yet another guy from Toronto that's broken my heart, move on and create a plan 'B', 'C' and 'D'.

I really love him. But I think back to the pics of his ex wife that i saw prior to their divorce from 3 yrs ago. She looked so sad, depressed, tired and just plain unhappy. I recall asking him, "What the hell did u do to her? She looks haggard, washed out and miserable!".

And get this, he said, back during December when I was briefly in Toronto, after I arrived and he dumped me in a hotel **[JAYDOG, if you're reading this you can confirm this story. I PM'd you on DIMS from the hotel after this transpired] and was 'scared to visit me', he'd rather come to the states to visit me. I sobbed and cried on the phone, begging him to visit me at the hotel. But he was cold, unfeeling, aloof, insensitive and didn't give a sh1t. He later said "I was sick. Inexcusable for his actions. I was super ill too. He gave me the flu, which he caught on biz in Italy, when I was there for a full week in November the week of my b'day. Douchebag!! He didn't want me at the house out of fear what his attorney would say since he's still fighting a botched up prenup and I wasn't totally aware of all the legal, detailed stuff. He should've known. He's lived in Toronto for over 30 yrs. and eventually received citizenship. He's a native New Yorker/ Connecticut kid. He had to deal w/ that before he got there.

I'm aggravated and not sure what I'm doing / have to do. What I do know is that I need an ideal guy that suits my tastes that'll love me unconditionally. And move the hell outta the Commonwealth of Virginia asap and to a city I'd like and could quickly learn to get around in via public transportation since I cannot drive. This sucks but I've gotta cut bait. I'm better off alone and just search for attractive, 'LOCAL' friends with benefits' that have their own place, live alone and have a car.

It just hurts, especially having invested so much time, energy, my heart in this man. Let him continue fawning over his 3 cats cuz that's the only pussy he's gonna get. Sad thing is, he's so oblivious and wouldn't care. Its ALL ABOUT HIM. Its the david show. Inconsiderate, heartless prick. I'm so glad I never posted a pic in the 'COUPLES THREAD'. I would look like a nimrod for sure. No more LDRs for me. It always ends up one sided w/ one person trying to make it work.

signed,
Vexed in Virginia
OH WOW.

This reads SOOOO close to my previously mentioned epic LDR fail. Except replace Canada with England. You are doing it all and that says EVERYTHING.
You cannot love him enough to make up for the fact that he doesn't love you back. If he did he would be doing everything he could to get you there. It happens I promise. I am proof even after going through this same kind of thing myself I found a great guy and you can too.
SCARED AND FLU my ass! He doesn't care ENOUGH and that is not ok.
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Old 03-25-2011, 05:09 PM   #66
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I've never moved to be with someone, but I did let my ex-husband talk me into moving us to Phoenix, and it was a huge, huge mistake. Then again, so was the entire relationship, which I guess is the material point. I think a lot of people assume that their lives/relationships will transform with a change of scene and society, and as you guys all know, that's not quite how it works.

Katerina, you are very wise to get out now; he's already trouble, and you are so, so, so correct that it's only going to get worse. Congratulations on an excellent, albeit difficult, choice.

As for the original question, I'm pretty much of Laura's mindset. I'm free and willing to try for the right situation. I will always have someplace to come back to if I need it, and my job here, while respectable and extremely well-paying, is not precisely what I need nor is it what I want to be doing forever.
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Old 03-25-2011, 05:14 PM   #67
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Default I wish the University of Tahiti was real.

I feel like moving for love is like moving for anything else you do - if you're willing to pack up and move off for a new job or college, then I think you could be able to pack up and move off for love.

I understand people and their desire to stay where they are comfortable. But if we were able to stay where we were comfortable all the time, we'd still be in the womb. I feel like the world is presented to us as a chance to explore and learn new things and meet new people and have new experiences.

Just like I'm moving off for college, I'd be willing to move away for love. My parents would love me just the same if I said I want to go to Tahiti for romance or go to University of Tahiti. You have to be responsible for yourself and be able to admit when you need help. But if you can, you will. If you can't, you won't.
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Old 03-25-2011, 05:46 PM   #68
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..is like moving for anything else you do. You have to be responsible for yourself and be able to admit when you need help. But if you can, you will. If you can't, you won't.
^^I think you're onto something here. But it begs another question, as to whether or not a person can really determine what can and can't responsibly do when they're automatically closed to certain possibilities. When they choose to stop evaluating certain contingencies, which, I expect, everyone must do at some point. It gives me an idea for another thread, too. Unless it might fit into the confines of this topic.
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:03 AM   #69
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OH WOW.

This reads SOOOO close to my previously mentioned epic LDR fail. Except replace Canada with England. You are doing it all and that says EVERYTHING.
You cannot love him enough to make up for the fact that he doesn't love you back. If he did he would be doing everything he could to get you there. It happens I promise. I am proof even after going through this same kind of thing myself I found a great guy and you can too.
SCARED AND FLU my ass! He doesn't care ENOUGH and that is not ok.
Exactly, TrueBebeBlue,

You're correct. And all I can hear playing in my head is that classic Bonnie Raitt song, I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME [If You Don't]. Too bad it couldn't be her other one, Let's Give 'Em Somethin' To Talk About.

I hate fake, phony, lackadaisical, selfish, hurtful people. I'm getting tired of this. I'm getting too old for this shit! We're all getting too old for rubbish. Truly considering becoming asexual.
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Old 03-26-2011, 11:48 AM   #70
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I think deep down I always knew I'd one day move for love, but I didn't come to terms with it until veeeeery recently. Now I'm just tying up loose ends before I do it. And having to find the one for whom I'd move home.
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Old 04-03-2011, 05:55 PM   #71
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I would totally move for love. But he has to be willing to make some big choices too.

I'm lucky that I can pretty much go anywhere with my job because it offers a lot of freedom. I also have wanted to move from Michigan for the longest time, so to do it for love instead of just a need to get away is a great reason.
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Old 04-03-2011, 06:33 PM   #72
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ive done LDR.
they arent easy.... my personal experience was that i did alot of the work and communicating but didnt get much in return.
ive always been willing to do what it takes for the right person.... but i find as i get older, and my responsibilities to my family become more of a focus.... parents get old and such....... i am less likely to move for love. sigh.
i do have a job that pays very well.
i have family and friends well established.
i would do just about anything for the ones i love.
but moving for someone..... even if i was in love..... would be very difficult for me now.
i just dont think i could leave knowing i am the primary caretaker for my mom as she gets older. it just seems wrong.
so alas.... i suppose unless he was willing to be the one to move, i will have to hope i meet someone closer to where i live. damn.
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Old 04-26-2011, 01:28 PM   #73
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I would and did travel for love (to visit). Is it worth it? Yes. Because the person is worth it! I would move for this person too...

Long distance relationships are hard hard hard but I would not change meeting and knowing the person for anything! I can't imagine my life without him
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Old 04-26-2011, 01:39 PM   #74
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I would and did travel for love (to visit). Is it worth it? Yes. Because the person is worth it! I would move for this person too...

Long distance relationships are hard hard hard but I would not change meeting and knowing the person for anything! I can't imagine my life without him
I have to agree with this. It has its pitfalls but if you go in with eyes wide open and that person truly returns your affection even if you have to make big sacrifices then it's worth at least trying. Someone very wise said to me in a birthday card I got yesterday, 'Life is too short.........' and I agree. I'm willing to give it a shot.
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Old 04-26-2011, 02:25 PM   #75
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I would move. I have a rule for ldr, one has to move within a year. Even then, I would move into my own place first. I was going to move to another state for love once. But he couldn't understand that I wanted to live in my own place for a couple of months and not move directly in with him. He gave an ultimatum and I called him on it.
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