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Old 08-31-2009, 09:14 PM   #1
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Default How come since I gained weight, I have no male attention?

Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:20 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Lolita13 View Post
Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
This phenomenon that you describe has almost become cliche and depressingly so but entire threads have been dedicated to it.
I can't and wont speak for the men in the area of the country that you live in. I also will not make assumptions toward you as a woman who was once thinner and has now changed in body shape as to why you aren't getting as much male attention at your current size.

FAs are everywhere. But, in areas where fat is seen as more of a disease to be rid of and the pervasivness is more toward ridicule than acceptance or apathy toward size, more men are willing to hide this trait from their peers for a variety of reasons. I make no excuses for this behaviour and find it to be immature and, at one level or another, cowardly. (That is just MY opinion.) Although it may seem like there are NO FAs around, the number of them willing to put peer pressure aside and act on their preference will seem reduced greatly.

I can tell you however that since puberty I personally have only ever dated, with only 2 exceptions in my 20 plus years of dating life, fat women exclusively. Every woman I have looked to as a potential mate has been fat with no mistaking her as anything but.

For me it has never been merely a fantasy to work out on the net or hide from anyone it has been a way of life relative to my sexuality as a man. If you spend time reading the FA board and talk to some of us you will realize that not only is "being" an FA real, but that many of us are exactly as I described. Yes some treat their preference of fat women as a fantasy and fetish that gets worked out on the web or on a friday night at a bar after a few drinks only to brush it under the rug again on monday morning as they sober up, but for many of us it is the only way we can function sexually with any measure of success.
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:21 PM   #3
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Honestly I think there are men and women out there that do prefer heavy people, but it is very rare. This is a site that attracts people interested in it, so you see some interest here, but my experience is similar. When I was slim with a six pack belly women hit on me very frequently, but now that I have a keg belly, it is rare that I see a woman even flirt with me. Maybe we had both better put down the fork and pick up a jump rope
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:40 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Lolita13 View Post
Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
I think many more people in society are attracted to a thinner partner, but there are also those that are attracted to a larger partner.
That is the reality.
I think you have to be happy within yourself and love your own body, and yourself, and those that are attracted to your body type will gravitate towards you regardless.
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:59 PM   #5
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If I was engaged, I wouldn't give a damn who else was looking at me as long as my fiancee was enjoying what she sees.

Maybe instead of pouting over why you don't turn any heads on the street, you should be thankful for the one head that turns when you wake up next to him.
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:43 AM   #6
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Im engaged , Im not dead!!! LOL. Yes I still like to receive positive attention. I have had it all my life, now I dont have it. My fiance has nothing to do with this. Im not saying I am going to cheat on him. Geez. I like to look good and be admired for beauty from men and women. I do think that is human nature to be somwhat vain. I'm saying gaining weight has worked extreemly against me and then I come on here and its another world. I do love the attention from my fiance, but I do go out in the world and interact with other people and hear OMG, you were so hot and now you gained weight. Did you have babies? Its too much already and yes my old guy friends say this to me. Telling me I have let myself go and where is that hot body etc. I hear it from females every day too. My post was started because I get so much anti fat comments EVERY single day and then I search the internet and its all this worshipig of larger women and I wonder if it was all real. Thanks Rollhandler for being very nice in your post. I wonder if gome guys are closeted fat lovers. Its hard though, even my male cosuin wont date a female over 135 pounds. I dont even feel like leaving my house anymore . I know you all probally dont know how this feels. It is heartbreaking to me to have these comments and stares everyday and also the feeling of being invisible in regards to beauty. I guess no one gets me.
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:46 AM   #7
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Im engaged , Im not dead!!! LOL. Yes I still like to receive positive attention. I have had it all my life, now I dont have it. My fiance has nothing to do with this. Im not saying I am going to cheat on him. Geez. I like to look good and be admired for beauty from men and women. I do think that is human nature to be somwhat vain. I'm saying gaining weight has worked extreemly against me and then I come on here and its another world. I do love the attention from my fiance, but I do go out in the world and interact with other people and hear OMG, you were so hot and now you gained weight. Did you have babies? Its too much already and yes my old guy friends say this to me. Telling me I have let myself go and where is that hot body etc. I hear it from females every day too. My post was started because I get so much anti fat comments EVERY single day and then I search the internet and its all this worshipig of larger women and I wonder if it was all real. Thanks Rollhandler for being very nice in your post. I wonder if gome guys are closeted fat lovers. Its hard though, even my male cosuin wont date a female over 135 pounds. I dont even feel like leaving my house anymore . I know you all probally dont know how this feels. It is heartbreaking to me to have these comments and stares everyday and also the feeling of being invisible in regards to beauty. I guess no one gets me.
Sounds to me this is a fairly recent thing that's happened. In a few years, a lot of the positive attention you receive from people on here during the upcoming time will help you accept your body a lot better
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:00 AM   #8
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I agree with rollhandler....

but isn't a strange thing....99% of people loves being thin.....the rest is happy and proud of being a BBw....as well as....99% of man loves thin girl...and the rest loves the BBW.
And Dimensions is for us....the rest.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:33 AM   #9
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Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
I don't think your problem is the weight - I think your problem is that you're basing your self esteem on other people's opinions. That's dangerous - stop doing it. There is no doubt that thin girls get more guy attention than fat ones, but why is it something you're dwelling on. I'm a very fat girl and I get hit on often - but it means nothing! So some random dude on the street thinks you look good, so what? How does that add to who you are? How does that build and enhance you? People are always going to have stupid, hurtful opinions about things that have nothing to do with them - if you take what they say to heart you're going to be an insecure, miserable, unsexy mess.

I'm not trying to be nasty here. I'm sure its very hard to have been a thin girl and then to gain weight - I've seen how my thin friends have struggled with that and there are times I will admit that I have an advantage because I've lived in this body my whole life, it didn't just arrive when I hit teenage/adulthood. That still doesn't mean you let them get you down though. Walk with pride, with the certainty that you are beautiful, f*ck what the rest of the world thinks.
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Old 09-01-2009, 02:03 AM   #10
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Blame, in part, other big women. To be quite fair, most men who prefer big women are a bit reserved when it comes to calling out what they like in public. It only takes a few times being repudiated by self-loathing big women to learn that you should keep your advances for other contexts.

It's not that no one finds you attractive, you just live in a society where most people who do don't feel at liberty to say it.

I say there is nothing wrong with radiating a enough confidence in your bigness that you tempt them anyway.
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Old 09-01-2009, 05:10 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by KHayes666 View Post
If I was engaged, I wouldn't give a damn who else was looking at me as long as my fiancee was enjoying what she sees.

Maybe instead of pouting over why you don't turn any heads on the street, you should be thankful for the one head that turns when you wake up next to him.
Omg...i agree with something you say for once lol

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Originally Posted by Lolita13 View Post
Im engaged , Im not dead!!! LOL. Yes I still like to receive positive attention. I have had it all my life, now I dont have it. My fiance has nothing to do with this. Im not saying I am going to cheat on him. Geez. I like to look good and be admired for beauty from men and women. I do think that is human nature to be somwhat vain. I'm saying gaining weight has worked extreemly against me and then I come on here and its another world. I do love the attention from my fiance, but I do go out in the world and interact with other people and hear OMG, you were so hot and now you gained weight. Did you have babies? Its too much already and yes my old guy friends say this to me. Telling me I have let myself go and where is that hot body etc. I hear it from females every day too. My post was started because I get so much anti fat comments EVERY single day and then I search the internet and its all this worshipig of larger women and I wonder if it was all real. Thanks Rollhandler for being very nice in your post. I wonder if gome guys are closeted fat lovers. Its hard though, even my male cosuin wont date a female over 135 pounds. I dont even feel like leaving my house anymore . I know you all probally dont know how this feels. It is heartbreaking to me to have these comments and stares everyday and also the feeling of being invisible in regards to beauty. I guess no one gets me.
Engaged but not dead...sure....but to be engaged and be so worried about receiving male attention...that sounds a bit wonky to me.

as far as the comments...people are cruel. You just happen to be getting it over weight. If it wasnt over weight, it could be over a crooked nose, a freakishly short limb, a stupid hairdo...etc. That's just the world and if you were some shallow narcissistic skinny prom queen before and never heard a negative word, well your choice is to either grow a thicker skin and not give a damn about what people say, or you better work damn hard to get back to that prom queen state so that you can live in a world less likely to make comments.

*shrugs* just my two
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Old 09-01-2009, 06:31 AM   #12
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Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
I'm surprised to hear that about Philadelphia. I made 2 or 3 business trips there last year and found no lack of positive male attention without even looking for it, in my hotels, in restaurants etc. And I'm over 50! I don't hang out in bars much, but sometimes I had a after-dinner drinks in the hotel bar and sometimes men began chatting with me there. One of our clients also turned out to be a major FA, and he and his wife took me to some fabulous restaurants in the tri-state area of Pennsylvania, Delaware and New Jersey.

I've always been fat, so I have no idea how much male attention I might garner as a thin woman. Nonetheless, as a fat woman I've never lacked for male attention. I didn't have parades of followers like the hot babes in high school and college, but I did have some major trump cards: a friendly personality and a great gleaming smile. It seemed that many (but by no means all) of those hot babes had bitchy personalities, if they had personalities at all. They got by on their looks simply because they were hot and that's all many men cared about. It's given me no small satisfaction to see many of those formerly hot babes have not aged well, and have nothing else to offer, so now they're bitter.

It's been said that people judge others by how they judge themselves. If you're not happy as a formerly thin woman who gained a lot of weight and is now fat, maybe people recognize that you're not happy, which in itself puts a major damper on things. You can't stop the bonehead comments ("Wow, you sure gained a lot of weight!" ) but you can manage how you respond to them ("In all the right places! It's called living well." ). As a fat women all my life, I've had to develop an attractive personality to get male attention. Fortunately, that was not difficult.

As I said I don't go to bars much, but my most memorable bar experience was 4 or 5 years ago when my husband & I were on vacation at a resort in Acapulco. One day I ticked off a bevy of skinny little bambis half my age because I inadvertently stole their limelight. I was laughing and just being my usual friendly wise ass on the beach and in the pools at our resort that some men were buying me drinks at the swim-up bar and ignoring the bambis. Those bambis were none too pleased that a big tall middle-aged obese woman in a swimsuit got the attention they believed should have been theirs. Finally one of the bambis groused that it must be whale season down here. So I replied, "I see you're practising birth control -- with your personalities."
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:17 PM   #13
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My wife is 5'-3" and 300+lbs. She gets checked out quite a bit. I think part of the reason is that she loves being a bbw and it shows. It's a turn on seeing a woman act sexy because she feels sexy. On the other hand when a woman is down on herself even a pretty one it's kind of a turn off. Maybe guys sense that and that's why they aren't coming on to you. I'll bet you look great but you need to start believing it. It's more than just looks that make a person attractive.
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:57 PM   #14
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As I said I don't go to bars much, but my most memorable bar experience was 4 or 5 years ago when my husband & I were on vacation at a resort in Acapulco. One day I ticked off a bevy of skinny little bambis half my age because I inadvertently stole their limelight. I was laughing and just being my usual friendly wise ass on the beach and in the pools at our resort that some men were buying me drinks at the swim-up bar and ignoring the bambis. Those bambis were none too pleased that a big tall middle-aged obese woman in a swimsuit got the attention they believed should have been theirs. Finally one of the bambis groused that it must be whale season down here. So I replied, "I see you're practising birth control -- with your personalities."
You've told this story many times before, only it was singular (bambi) and not plural (bambis) the last time around.

I didn't like it the first read-through, and I don't like it now. Your opinion of the "bambis" in question is just as negative and hateful as their (assumed) opinion of you.

OP: What other people think of you shouldn't matter to you, and in time, it probably won't. Like you, I was a thin young woman & into early adulthood and male attention was something that I was just accustomed to. I actually missed it when it was gone, for many of the same reasons that you've expressed. Now, I'm a woman of a certain age and my size isn't of much consequence anyway. The only thing that has changed is me. I no longer hand other people the power to affect my self esteem, either positively *or* negatively. I wish I would have learned that when I was much younger. I hope that you do.

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Old 09-01-2009, 02:57 PM   #15
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You've told this story many times before, only it was singular (bambi) and not plural (bambis) the last time around.

I didn't like it the first read-through, and I don't like it now. Your opinion of the "bambis" in question is just as negative and hateful as their (assumed) opinion of you.
Wha...???
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:04 PM   #16
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Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:09 PM   #17
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Im engaged , Im not dead!!! LOL. Yes I still like to receive positive attention. I have had it all my life, now I dont have it. My fiance has nothing to do with this. Im not saying I am going to cheat on him. Geez. I like to look good and be admired for beauty from men and women. I do think that is human nature to be somwhat vain. I'm saying gaining weight has worked extreemly against me and then I come on here and its another world. I do love the attention from my fiance, but I do go out in the world and interact with other people and hear OMG, you were so hot and now you gained weight. Did you have babies? Its too much already and yes my old guy friends say this to me. Telling me I have let myself go and where is that hot body etc. I hear it from females every day too. My post was started because I get so much anti fat comments EVERY single day and then I search the internet and its all this worshipig of larger women and I wonder if it was all real. Thanks Rollhandler for being very nice in your post. I wonder if gome guys are closeted fat lovers. Its hard though, even my male cosuin wont date a female over 135 pounds. I dont even feel like leaving my house anymore . I know you all probally dont know how this feels. It is heartbreaking to me to have these comments and stares everyday and also the feeling of being invisible in regards to beauty. I guess no one gets me.
Sooooo, lemmie get this straight. You didn't think that gaining weight would make people in general be less attracted to you?

Oh waiter, check please.
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:19 PM   #18
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Sooooo, lemmie get this straight. You didn't think that gaining weight would make people in general be less attracted to you?

Oh waiter, check please.
If you check "her" post history, you'll see what she really thinks about fat people anyway. No sympathy from me.
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:21 PM   #19
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If you check "her" post history, you'll see what she really thinks about fat people anyway. No sympathy from me.
The plot thickens
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Old 09-01-2009, 05:15 PM   #20
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Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
Sounds like there may be a confidence issue at play here.
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Old 09-01-2009, 06:50 PM   #21
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If you check "her" post history, you'll see what she really thinks about fat people anyway. No sympathy from me.
Oh, I see what you mean. In one post she complains that in one year she gained...
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About 100 pounds and no I didnt want to at all. I would give an arm to have it off of me.
In another post she said...
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I make enemies every where I go, whats one more place. jk.
She is not a happy person, she seems to wallow in it and have a chip on her shoulder. Yet she wonders why no one finds her attractive. A "supermodel" with this attitude would be unattractive.

Many people do have genuine issues of confidence or bad personal situations. That's something altogether different. This forum tries to make them feel better, or at least tries to show the potential of a positive attitude.

However some people simply WILL NOT be helped, and they project their own problems onto others rather than deal with them themselves. They think it's everyone else's problem but their own, and some of them ferret out flaws in targets of convenience. Could that be the situation here? I don't know. It is a puzzlement. Maybe it's time to move on. If she truly wants help, we'll be here.

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A: One. But the light bulb must WANT to change.

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Old 09-01-2009, 07:31 PM   #22
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The plot thickens indeed. There have been plenty of great points made so far. Attraction to BBWs is not the norm and FAs often have trouble being open about their preferences due to ridicule from their friends and from negative reactions by BBWs (like Jay said). The girl in question should obviously recognize that gaining 100 pounds would decrease the number of people sauntering over to hit on her at a bar due to FAs being a minority but WE ARE OUT THERE. But like anyone else, we tend to be attracted to individuals with confidence that seem fun...and are single. A ring on a finger is a good sign to move along. If she's recently engaged that could be a factor. I don't want to assume insecurity or any other foible about someone I don't know. Another reality is that just because FAs are attracted to the larger form doesn't mean we aren't picky too. Not all girls carry the weight well and that is the god's honest truth. It takes style, poise, and curves in the RIGHT places to be a truly sexy BBW. Never seeing the girl, I have no opinion in that regard.
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Old 09-01-2009, 07:39 PM   #23
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The plot thickens indeed. There have been plenty of great points made so far. Attraction to BBWs is not the norm and FAs often have trouble being open about their preferences due to ridicule from their friends and from negative reactions by BBWs (like Jay said). The girl in question should obviously recognize that gaining 100 pounds would decrease the number of people sauntering over to hit on her at a bar due to FAs being a minority but WE ARE OUT THERE. But like anyone else, we tend to be attracted to individuals with confidence that seem fun...and are single. A ring on a finger is a good sign to move along. If she's recently engaged that could be a factor. I don't want to assume insecurity or any other foible about someone I don't know. Another reality is that just because FAs are attracted to the larger form doesn't mean we aren't picky too. Not all girls carry the weight well and that is the god's honest truth. It takes style, poise, and curves in the RIGHT places to be a truly sexy BBW. Never seeing the girl, I have no opinion in that regard.
She sounds like a former thin girl who's used to being hot and attractive which explains her "I make enemies where I go" attitude. For one reason or another she got fat and in her thin oriented world people aren't turning their heads anymore.

Maybe its karma :-)
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Old 09-01-2009, 07:47 PM   #24
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The feeling of being invisible, I can relate to. Or standing out in such a way that people stare at you...and not because they think you're hot.

I don't get told I'm hot more than once in a blue moon, and it's been that way since I can remember.

And I can't imagine whining that I wasn't getting that attention when I had a perfectly good fiance at my side to make up for it. But what do I know--I've never had that sort of positive attention based on my appearance. Maybe I would miss it. I think it's hard enough finding someone who likes you and works well with you as is; why demand everyone else treat you with the same adoration?
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Old 09-01-2009, 07:57 PM   #25
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So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
What the hell philly do you live in? My ass jiggle gets stared at at the gas station. If no one around here liked chunky chicks, no one would get laid.
No. It's not all an internet fantasy. I don't get fat when I sign online? Tons of girls on here get the attention you apparently want in real life. There are plenty of non-Fa's i've talked to who don't mind weight as much and will actually tell you "A hot girl is a hot girl" and make no mention of fat or thin. So, just be confident, and take care of yourself and your appearance, and you'll start turning heads..


Or you can just walk around with your cleavage falling out all the time.
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