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Old 09-02-2009, 04:24 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Lolita13 View Post
So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
What the hell philly do you live in? My ass jiggle gets stared at at the gas station. If no one around here liked chunky chicks, no one would get laid.
No. It's not all an internet fantasy. I don't get fat when I sign online? Tons of girls on here get the attention you apparently want in real life. There are plenty of non-Fa's i've talked to who don't mind weight as much and will actually tell you "A hot girl is a hot girl" and make no mention of fat or thin. So, just be confident, and take care of yourself and your appearance, and you'll start turning heads..
Works for me! That sounds much more like the Philadelphia I remember from my business trips last year. Didn't think I was dreaming! There were at least some men who liked us fat women just fine.
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Or you can just walk around with your cleavage falling out all the time.
A smile and a positive attitude work wonders too.
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Old 09-02-2009, 05:01 AM   #27
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Um I havent recently gained weight but I sort of agree with her in the no male attention. I rarely drawn attention in a group of FA's which leads me to believe that most FA's dont find me attractive for some reason. As for men outside the community there is really NO positive male attention at all.
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Old 09-02-2009, 05:26 AM   #28
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At OP:
It's all a giant hoax.

I agree wholehartedly with "a hot girl is a hot girl". Just being a certain size doesn't automatically guarantee male attention.
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Old 09-02-2009, 05:39 AM   #29
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Maybe its just me but as I said in my earlier post getting hit on in public kinda fills me with apprehension. I love a friendly compliment here or there or catching guys grinning at you with dazed lust - thats fun . What I don't enjoy is the vast majority of men who come at me with an attitude like they're expecting me to fall to my knees and suck their dicks just cos they hit on me. Perhaps its just here but a lot of the guys who approach me are almost aggressive and the conversations turn very ugly even when I politely say, no thanks. The general reaction is a comment like: 'You think you're so hot but all you are is fat and disgusting! I was doing you a favour coming to talk to you because I felt sorry for you.'

Now I'm sure none of the men who've posted in this thread have ever acted in that way or said that, but because it's happened so often I'm very wary about being hit on while I'm out taking a walk or shopping or whatever. And it would be so much better if they were just polite about it. Today a guy came up to me, said hello, said he loved my braids and then asked for my number. I didn't give it to him because he was way too old, but I also didn't want to claw his eyes out, and I very politely invented a fictional boyfriend as I said no.

So to the FAs out there who've been burned when they asked a big girl out in public: just remember you likely aren't the first and dude who's gone before was probably a total jerk, so don't take the reaction too personally
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Old 09-02-2009, 06:05 AM   #30
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Lolita13 might be a hoax, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. At the very least, she seems like she doesn't WANT to be helped. Some people are like that.

Yes indeedy, when you get right down to it, attraction really is in the mind. I've encountered more than a few women who couldn't understand why they couldn't get any attention. Come to think of it, I couldn't understand it either, because they seemed like they had a lot to offer. (Although sometimes it's obvious, like those above-mentioned skinny little bambis (plural) in Acapulco whose ringleader (singular) loudly compared me to a whale and thereby fully deserved the condescension they received.) A smile, a positive attitude and a little joie de vivre go a long way. But there's also a certain je ne sais quoi that goes into it. I've seen many many people of all shapes and sizes in this forum and in real life who are doing just fine. I've also seen people in one bad relationship after another, or no relationship at all, when they strike me as great catches for some lucky guy or gal. It is a puzzlement. All I know is what works for me, and it seems to work for many other people, so methinx I'll just keep it up.

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Old 09-02-2009, 09:29 AM   #31
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I do get the OMG comments from people I havn't seen in a few years guys mostly, the ladies don't say much but I know they are thinking it.
I don't let it get to me I'm happy in my skin.
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Old 09-02-2009, 09:48 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by KHayes666 View Post
If I was engaged, I wouldn't give a damn who else was looking at me as long as my fiancee was enjoying what she sees.

Maybe instead of pouting over why you don't turn any heads on the street, you should be thankful for the one head that turns when you wake up next to him.
I agree completely. Who cares if other men find you attractive or not? At home, is the man who's opinion of your body is the only one you should truly care about. I mean, are you expecting guys to go up and hit on you? Liek someone else said, they probably see your man repellent (engagement ring) and stay away, I know I would *shrug*.
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Old 09-02-2009, 09:59 AM   #33
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I agree completely. Who cares if other men find you attractive or not? At home, is the man who's opinion of your body is the only one you should truly care about. I mean, are you expecting guys to go up and hit on you? Liek someone else said, they probably see your man repellent (engagement ring) and stay away, I know I would *shrug*.
I do believe you're suffering from the social taboo which probably makes most FAs, closet FAs, and that is that, according to our present social mores, a guy is not SUPPOSED to admire, dare I say it, fat girls!

If you're a guy and you are with your "buddies", you're expected to ogle the Cindy Crawfords (I know I'm aging myself here, lol) or Paris Hiltons of the world. So if you see a 250 pound Cindy, just as beautiful but more full-bodied, even though you may be totally interested, you have to ignore her because your "buddies" will think you're some kind of fat fetishist! And if you're with female companions, you have to be careful when admiring a BBW or SSBBW because then they might get the impression that that's what you'd like THEM to look like, even though that's undoubtedly true.

Is it unreasoning fear? Absolutely! Stupid? Undoubtedly! Absolutely prevalent? Well, I think you've answered your own question there!
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Old 09-02-2009, 10:11 AM   #34
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I do believe you're suffering from the social taboo which probably makes most FAs, closet FAs, and that is that, according to our present social mores, a guy is not SUPPOSED to admire, dare I say it, fat girls!

If you're a guy and you are with your "buddies", you're expected to ogle the Cindy Crawfords (I know I'm aging myself here, lol) or Paris Hiltons of the world. So if you see a 250 pound Cindy, just as beautiful but more full-bodied, even though you may be totally interested, you have to ignore her because your "buddies" will think you're some kind of fat fetishist! And if you're with female companions, you have to be careful when admiring a BBW or SSBBW because then they might get the impression that that's what you'd like THEM to look like, even though that's undoubtedly true.

Is it unreasoning fear? Absolutely! Stupid? Undoubtedly! Absolutely prevalent? Well, I think you've answered your own question there!
Huh? All my buddies, family, co-workers, people in my apartment building, and even the bum living in a cardboard box on the street corner, know I'm a FA and proud of it. Check your sources.

edit: lul, I don't even understand how what you said, has any relevancy to what was quoted *boggle*. I'm lost, maybe you are too, and meant to post that somewhere else *guides you to the correct thread, wherever that may be*.

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Old 09-02-2009, 12:07 PM   #35
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Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
errr....
1) engagement ring = men go away.
So if other male attention is this important to you, maybe you might want to rethink that whole engagement thing... ???
If not, maybe rethink your attitude to other male attention...

Quote:
I do love the attention from my fiance, but I do go out in the world and interact with other people and hear OMG, you were so hot and now you gained weight. Did you have babies? Its too much already and yes my old guy friends say this to me. Telling me I have let myself go and where is that hot body etc. I hear it from females every day too.
2) Sounds like your "friends" suck... Maybe you need some new friends? Or at the very least a "Hey this is me - shut up and deal with it." attitude....

Good luck.
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Old 09-02-2009, 12:19 PM   #36
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Good for you, but I doubt that this kind of acceptance is universal!
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Old 09-02-2009, 03:43 PM   #37
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""Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?""

It is not an internet fantasy all together but it is not nearly as common as men who like thin chicks. Being fat you can certainly find dates, a partner, sex or whatever but is unlikely you will be getting the amount of attention from men an equally attractive thin woman would get on the street.
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Old 09-02-2009, 06:03 PM   #38
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*snipped for brevity*
As I said I don't go to bars much, but my most memorable bar experience was 4 or 5 years ago when my husband & I were on vacation at a resort in Acapulco. One day I ticked off a bevy of skinny little bambis half my age because I inadvertently stole their limelight. I was laughing and just being my usual friendly wise ass on the beach and in the pools at our resort that some men were buying me drinks at the swim-up bar and ignoring the bambis. Those bambis were none too pleased that a big tall middle-aged obese woman in a swimsuit got the attention they believed should have been theirs. Finally one of the bambis groused that it must be whale season down here. So I replied, "I see you're practising birth control -- with your personalities."
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You've told this story many times before, only it was singular (bambi) and not plural (bambis) the last time around.

I didn't like it the first read-through, and I don't like it now. Your opinion of the "bambis" in question is just as negative and hateful as their (assumed) opinion of you.

*snipped again for brevity*
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Wha...???
You are confused? Methinks (that is the correct spelling of that archaic phrase, for the record) you are playing coy. Please do not insult our collective intelligence.

You have indeed told the Acapulco story before, and other stories of the same theme, painting a picture of the plucky fat girl who wins everyone over with her wit and charm. As Traci said, your opinion of the bambis is "just as negative and hateful as their (assumed) opinion of you." And I would add dismissive and counterproductive to acceptance.

Why is referring to thin women as bambis any better than when someone refers to a fat person as a whale? In my humble opinion, it is not. For someone who professes to be so positive and plucky, your negative opinion of others manifests itself quite plainly. You remind me of the FA who come here and downgrade thin women in an attempt to sing the praises of BBW. You have been around long enough in your fifty some odd years to have learned that it is bad form to lift yourself up by putting others down, haven't you?

As for the OP, I highly doubt she was looking for real opinions so I don't feel too guilty about possibly derailing her thread.
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Old 09-02-2009, 06:08 PM   #39
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Methinx they doth protest too much.

Sure I have. Sorry if I seem insensitive. But sometimes ya gotta give as good as you get. Luckily it doesn't happen often to me. Hence this oft-told tale. Actually I haven't told it since sometime last year, so I thought it was okay. Yeesh!

Oh well, I guess you had to be there.

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Old 09-03-2009, 02:40 AM   #40
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Methinx I know the real problem. This is the only life I've got, eventful though it has been, so in my decade of involvement in Dimensions I'm bound to repeat myself. Surely in the past year I've repeated other real-life stories far more often than this. Why was this singled out? Then is dawned on me. Aha! Acapulco! It took place at a posh resort in Acapulco. I apologize if my attempts to demonstrate that a positive attitude can indeed work wonders have backfired and instead garnered resentment.

Oh well, this is as good a time as any for me to bow out for a while and let things cool down. Labor Day is coming up, I'm working only until noon today, and tonight my husband & I will take off for a long weekend. Literally. We found a great air fare, a friend of ours is now in Berlin on a business trip, and his wife invited us to fly with her to Germany to meet him there tomorrow morning. I hadn't planned to mention this at all -- until now, when I thought why not? But I'd best keep the rest of the details to myself.

"Methinx" also that some people "prolly" dislike my fun with the English language, so....

Wegen meiner Großmutter lernte ich ein bißchen Deutsch als Mädchen. Dieses Wochenende wird es mich freuen, diese Sprache wieder zu üben, klassische Musik hören, deutsche Küche und Bäckerei genießen, und vor allem einkaufen gehen! Ich glaube auch, daß Deutschland mehr als ein paar "Fettbewunderer" hat.
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Old 09-03-2009, 03:51 AM   #41
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Wow.. Donna and TraciJo - let's get this straight - you're having a go at TFS for her giving-as-good-she-got to some woman who specifically called her a "whale" (in a clearly meant to be offensive manner).. So the two of you are saying that fat people should be saints who never bite back on the haters - for fear of "discrediting" the fat/size acceptance "movement"?! Do you not think that fat folks have just as much right to be "uppity" and fight back as thin folks?? Oh and whilst "bambi" is technically of the same genre of body-insult as "whale" it hardly has the same history of weight and hate behind it, eh? And ragging on TFS for repeating herself? DIMS is FULL of repetition!! ...I notice that TFS is singled out and *always* gets it in the neck - (not that she needs me to defend her) - but WTF???
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:00 AM   #42
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I actually thought that aside from recounting the Acapulco story, Sue had many postive and affirming things to say to the OP.

I think that Sue often makes thoughtful and intelligent contributions to threads here, and that others have been too hard on her.
Just my two.
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:01 AM   #43
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Ihre Deutsch übersetzt tatsächlich, als ob Sie ein Programm Übersetzung ähnlich wie der verwendet verwende diese Message type. Was Sie tun an diesem Wochenende, die Tatsache, dass die eingegebenen Teil Ihrer Nachricht in einer Fremdsprache, oder die recycelten Geschichten nicht der Punkt der meine Post sind. Jetzt meines Erachtens muss zu Englisch wechseln.

The "real problem" as you say...or rather, the point I was trying to make was that your repeated use of the term "bambis" when referring to thin/conventionally attractive women is the same as when those same "bambis" called you a whale. Both are dismissive, and each serves to show the real attitude of the person using the phrase. Bambi is akin to calling someone a bimbo and carries with it a very sexist tone in my opinion.

My point wasn't that the story has been told multiple times. You feigned confusion when responding to Traci's post, so I merely pointed out an example of when the story had been told before. Also, my post had nothing to do with the story itself or its setting. SO you have been to Acapulco? I have been to Cancun (Freedom Paradise to be exact, as a result of winning a beauty contest for big women.) But you see, that tidbit of information is not relevant to the point.

I am not sure how I can make it any plainer.
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Old 09-03-2009, 06:07 AM   #44
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@Susannah and Joswitch - thank you! I was also like WTF??
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Old 09-03-2009, 06:25 AM   #45
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As a fat woman in the Philadelphia area, I can promise you there ARE men who like fat Chicks. I found my long-term boyfriend when I weighed around 270. We're quite happy, and I even gained a few pounds since then. It sounds to me like your attitude about it is a big turn off. All the fat flirts I know get attention by being outgoing, dressing well, and just KNOWING they're worth every ounce of attention and pampering.
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Old 09-03-2009, 07:31 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by TallFatSue View Post
Methinx I know the real problem. This is the only life I've got, eventful though it has been, so in my decade of involvement in Dimensions I'm bound to repeat myself. Surely in the past year I've repeated other real-life stories far more often than this. Why was this singled out? Then is dawned on me. Aha! Acapulco! It took place at a posh resort in Acapulco. I apologize if my attempts to demonstrate that a positive attitude can indeed work wonders have backfired and instead garnered resentment.

Oh well, this is as good a time as any for me to bow out for a while and let things cool down. Labor Day is coming up, I'm working only until noon today, and tonight my husband & I will take off for a long weekend. Literally. We found a great air fare, a friend of ours is now in Berlin on a business trip, and his wife invited us to fly with her to Germany to meet him there tomorrow morning. I hadn't planned to mention this at all -- until now, when I thought why not? But I'd best keep the rest of the details to myself.

"Methinx" also that some people "prolly" dislike my fun with the English language, so....

Wegen meiner Großmutter lernte ich ein bißchen Deutsch als Mädchen. Dieses Wochenende wird es mich freuen, diese Sprache wieder zu üben, klassische Musik hören, deutsche Küche und Bäckerei genießen, und vor allem einkaufen gehen! Ich glaube auch, daß Deutschland mehr als ein paar "Fettbewunderer" hat.
Yes, TFS ... I'm enormously overwhelmed by your wealth and your extensive travel experiences

Actually, dear, methinx we belong to the same social class. That is to say, we work for a living, at the whim and the discretion of our respective employers. However, if you'd like to compare credentials, hubby and I both hold master's degrees and professional-level jobs. Hubby, in fact, has an engineering background and currently manages an Artful group of engineers. We are also extensively well-traveled, although my travel experiences have both troubled and humbled me, since I've had the opportunity (a mixed blessing) to see *real* poverty and *real* need up close 'n personal. I've come away from that believing that we are all, those of us with homes and warm beds and steady, reliably nutritious meals, enormously wealthy and outlandishly entitled about it. I don't aspire to be anything but what I am, and I feel blessed by that: A working woman with a steady income and the current ability to feed and provide for myself and for my family. Those of us who aren't legitimately wealthy (i.e., not the owners of the businesses that we work for - which is to say, you and I) are but a few missed paychecks away from a reality check. I don't begrudge you the fabulous vacations and your Opulent Adventures, Sue. But I would suggest that you take some time to see how the other 90% live, in other areas of the world (hint: the posh resorts do go to the trouble of keeping the riff-raff out so as not to upset the delicate, well-fed sensibilities of the entitled). It may humble you.

No, Sue. What I objected to is *exactly* what I said I objected to, which is your usage of the hateful term 'bambi's' and all that it implies (and Donna did a far better job of explaining that than I could). I get that they weren't kind to you. That makes their behavior crass and rude; it doesn't make them doe-eyed bimbos.

If there is anything that I actually *do* envy about you, Sue, believe me, it's not your middle-class lifestyle and obvious aspirations to the upper strata. It is, in fact, that you have an innate ability to see only the positive -- from your own unique perspective, that is. That is a trait that genuinely is enviable.
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Old 09-03-2009, 07:39 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Yes, TFS ... I'm enormously overwhelmed by your wealth and your extensive travel experiences

Actually, dear, methinx we belong to the same social class. That is to say, we work for a living, at the whim and the discretion of our respective employers. However, if you'd like to compare credentials, hubby and I both hold master's degrees and professional-level jobs. Hubby, in fact, has an engineering background and currently manages an Artful group of engineers. We are also extensively well-traveled, although my travel experiences have both troubled and humbled me, since I've had the opportunity (a mixed blessing) to see *real* poverty and *real* need up close 'n personal. I've come away from that believing that we are all, those of us with homes and warm beds and steady, reliably nutritious meals, enormously wealthy and outlandishly entitled about it. I don't aspire to be anything but what I am, and I feel blessed by that: A working woman with a steady income and the current ability to feed and provide for myself and for my family. Those of us who aren't legitimately wealthy (i.e., not the owners of the businesses that we work for - which is to say, you and I) are but a few missed paychecks away from a reality check. I don't begrudge you the fabulous vacations and your Opulent Adventures, Sue. But I would suggest that you take some time to see how the other 90% live, in other areas of the world (hint: the posh resorts do go to the trouble of keeping the riff-raff out so as not to upset the delicate, well-fed sensibilities of the entitled). It may humble you.

No, Sue. What I objected to is *exactly* what I said I objected to, which is your usage of the hateful term 'bambi's' and all that it implies (and Donna did a far better job of explaining that than I could). I get that they weren't kind to you. That makes their behavior crass and rude; it doesn't make them doe-eyed bimbos.

If there is anything that I actually *do* envy about you, Sue, believe me, it's not your middle-class lifestyle and obvious aspirations to the upper strata. It is, in fact, that you have an innate ability to see only the positive -- from your own unique perspective, that is. That is a trait that genuinely is enviable.

Nice post, mostly.
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Old 09-03-2009, 07:42 AM   #48
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Sounds like there may be a confidence issue at play here.
Bingo!

Let me reiterate it again, for the OP, in case she misses it.

BINGO!

Its all the confidence in how you carry yourself. Do you walk differently now? Do you smile as much? Do you hold yourself with the same esteem as you did when you were thin? Frankly, I know a lot of fat girls, and the only difference I see in who gets asked out and who doesn't is their impression of themselves. The confident ones are proud of who they are, they don't dress to hide their curves, they aren't afraid to be flirty and feminine. The girls who don't get asked out are the ones who walk with their heads down or carry themselves like they are something shameful. My point being, its all up to you really. People are attracted to confidence more than anything else.

And also, I know its been pointed out before, but guys being cowardly is also to blame really. All my life I have received criticism and ridicule for being a guy who openly loves fat women, has only ever dated fat women, etc. You would actually be surprised how many guys are actually attracted to full figured, curvaceous girls but are too afraid of the social ramifications to act of their impulses. Hell, some times I can see why. Still, doesn't stop me from winking at the voluptuous vixens (as if anything could).

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Old 09-03-2009, 08:04 AM   #49
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Lolita, I am sorry to hear of your dismay. I live in Central Jersey, New Brunswick Area which is not that far from Philadelphia. All I can see is that
you never walked past my location as your only complaint would be that guy
is staring at me, LoL!
I cannot believe you don't see men checking you out. Almost all of my Philly buddies love larger women as much as I do! But always know you are as beautiful as you feel and I am sure you most definitely are beautiful!!
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Originally Posted by Lolita13 View Post
Yet when I was thin, I had lots of male attention. I am engaged but I never get any looks anymore. I had one guy try and pick me up at a make up counter and thats it .Where are all these Fat admiring men? In fact, all I see is guys not intrestedin me and the guys I knew repulsed at how much I gained. Im sad as hell. I have a pretty face . I dont get the damn your hot and men buying me drinks anymore. Whats up with that. Please dont say its because I have a man, we used to go out when I was thin and men still would talk to me. So I think this liking fat women is BS. I live in the Philadelphia area and guys here do NOT like heavy women. Is this all an internet fantasy?
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Old 09-03-2009, 09:01 AM   #50
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Tracy, I don't want anyone to envy me. I'm simply tired of people kicking me in the ass for being too positive, too uppity or whatever. Maybe I am too positive and too annoyingly cheerful, but I'd rather err in that direction than be too negative.

And I don't forget what the other 90% is like. That's essentially what my grandparents left behind after World War I, when people were literally starving in Europe. They sacrificed to make better lives for their children, and my parents sacrificed so my brother and I would have better lives too. If we are where we are now, it's because we stand on their shoulders. We feel we owe it to them and their hard work to continue to improve ourselves. There is nothing wrong with being middle class. There is also nothing wrong with higher aspirations either, provided we do it ethically.

Remember that phrase, "Yes we can"? It begins with each and every one of us.

And Donna, good luck using your translation program in real time, in a face-to-face conversation. I'm far from perfect in German or French, but it sure helps us snag good tables in restaurants.

And now my weekend begins in 5, 4, 3, 2...
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