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Old 09-30-2009, 11:34 AM   #101
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I agree that it's screwy for a therapist to condone such a thing. It's the fast road to codpendent behavior to be the porn police and feels sickening to boot. There are a lot of therapists who don't understand porn addictions, though, so it's most helpful to find one who is trained in it and who understands the dynamics. There are also 12-step programs that can help, both you and your husband, if he's at all interested in going. I also agree with Traci to worry more about yourself and taking care of yourself and drawing your own boundaries. (and then, of course, acting on them).

I have the URL of a message board with others who are going through many of the same things. If you want it just drop me a line and I'll send it to you.
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:17 PM   #102
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Originally Posted by Miss Vickie View Post
Yeah, I know. But I think the point of this forum (and this thread, in particular) is to support each other. Your comment was less than... supportive. While I would never dream to throw out anything of my husband's and I think her actions weren't respectful of him, there are better ways to say that without saying you feel sorry for him.

The point of this thread, and this forum, is to support each other. It ain't about the guys.
You're right. My apologies to FB for being less than sensitive.

I understand what you're upset because he lied, and that's wrong. I just think you're being too harsh on him, imo.
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:53 PM   #103
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You're right. My apologies to FB for being less than sensitive.

I understand what you're upset because he lied, and that's wrong. I just think you're being too harsh on him, imo.
In all honesty, I don't think there is such a thing as "too harsh" with an addict of any kind. He is a porn addict.

If he wants me to police him, I'm willing to do it at least short term. He also knows that I'm willing to only go so far, and if it crosses that line I'm DONE.
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Old 10-01-2009, 12:09 AM   #104
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Originally Posted by Flutterby68 View Post
In all honesty, I don't think there is such a thing as "too harsh" with an addict of any kind. He is a porn addict.

If he wants me to police him, I'm willing to do it at least short term. He also knows that I'm willing to only go so far, and if it crosses that line I'm DONE.
You're very wounded. So is your husband. I really hope you guys can find a way to love one another... work through the pain... find some peace in the middle of it all. I think you both deserve it.
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Old 10-01-2009, 04:23 PM   #105
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Originally Posted by Miss Vickie View Post
the way it makes so many women feel, and the difficult and painful positions it puts us in.
The accepted wisdom these days seems to be that this is the result of the failure of women to adapt to the harmless ubiquity of porn.

Arguments pro- abound. Yet I'm not convinced that the ubiquity of porn makes us a less puritanical or more liberated or more sex-positive society.

In fact, I think one of the primary functions of porn as it exists now is to "mechanize" sexuality and to de-sensitize us to our humanity. I say that even as I wouldn't want to live in a world in which it's not OK to portray sexuality in representational modes. I just think the way it seems to work now needs serious tinkering with (re-imagining).

So, the main reason I wanted to open this thread was to allow space for the real, lived experiences of women in relationships with men who exist in and must navigate our porn-saturated world.

I would be curious to hear, as well, from women who have found porn beneficial, if we could get those opinions out here without making that about telling other women how they are not entitled to their own feelings.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:18 PM   #106
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In all honesty, I don't think there is such a thing as "too harsh" with an addict of any kind. He is a porn addict.
I'm an addict.....of a different kind. After years of co-dependency, I ascribe to this school of thought....
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Old 01-13-2010, 07:31 PM   #107
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i just saw his article and i thought it migh be helpful here:

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationshi...wnl_wmh_011110
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Old 01-14-2010, 03:35 PM   #108
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This is fine if the guy isn't addicted to porn and is not masturbating to it as a substitute for sex with his partner on a regular basis. Some do not believe in porn addiction. I think the guy needs to research his stats a bit, though, because from my own research the number of porn addicted men (it is usually, though not always men) who use porn as a substitute for real-life sex is higher than the 5% he references.
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:08 PM   #109
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This is fine if the guy isn't addicted to porn and is not masturbating to it as a substitute for sex with his partner on a regular basis. Some do not believe in porn addiction. I think the guy needs to research his stats a bit, though, because from my own research the number of porn addicted men (it is usually, though not always men) who use porn as a substitute for real-life sex is higher than the 5% he references.
i kind of think so too. i think it may be understated. and even if its not understated i think the high exposure to porn has affected a lot of men's ability to relate to women in a realistic way. you can always tell when a guy spends a lot of time with porn. he doesn't know to talk to women he is interested in appropriately because he hasn't been socialized normally. they are always pretty coarse etc...i have a lot of guy friends who've decided to lay off the porn because overuse has affected thier lives negatively--even if they don't identify as addicted. where they are at just doesn't feel healthy to them.
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Old 01-24-2010, 05:49 PM   #110
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I honestly like watching porn with my sex partner. It has bothered me though before but thats when im feeling down about myself yadda yadda....
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