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Old 10-01-2009, 08:28 AM   #1
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Default just plain old pretty?

i was wondering if anyone thinks their beauty gets ignored sometimes in deference to fat by FAs? there is always a lot of talk by FAs of cellulite, size, fruity shapes, measurements and weight when it comes to BBWs. is it just me or does there seem to be an aversion to or an avoidance of words like pretty and beautiful more often than not when it comes to BBW traits? why do you think that is if you find that true. why don't you find it true? how does the lack of reference to beauty or the reference to it make you feel?

there are times when i feel that generally its true that beauty seems not to be talked about much. on the whole i get the feeling that FAs avoid discussing that quite a bit. sometimes it makes me wonder if some really find BBWs beautiful at all. i often wonder if it should be assumed that just because someone is sexually interested by or titilated by something whether that really means they actually find it lovely. and sometimes i seem to feel resistance when i mention that BBWs are beautiful women --with a few guys anyway always reminding that seemingly the entire rest of the world doesn't find us attractive at all.
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Old 10-01-2009, 08:49 AM   #2
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I havent come across this at all. Most of the FA's I've had dealings with have emphasised how they want a pretty face as well as a pretty body, and that it's the entire package that excites them, not just the fat.
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Old 10-01-2009, 09:17 AM   #3
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I’m not sure if you wanted just the view of other BBW, or if this is a more open topic? (let me know quickly and I can delete this if you just want BBW input).

I think that part of it is probably what you said, that some FA are so focused on the details that turn them on that they ignore the bigger picture. Classic missing the forest for the trees kind of thing. And in some cases they really don’t seem to have any interest in the forest, so it is not so much ‘missing’ as ‘deliberately ignoring.’

Another thought is that while each of us find some people prettier or more beautiful than others, an FA can generally always find individual points to admire on any BBW. In other words, if you tell each person who posts pictures that they are beautiful you make a certain point about your loving of all bodies, but then you lack a word for those people who you find especially stunning. If you save ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ for the those whose looks really appeal to you most, then what do you say to the rest? You can at least mention parts that you find hot. Although if you just told one woman that she is absolutely beautiful and then tell the next how hot your think her elbow dimples are it might seem like damning with faint praise? One solution would be to only send some comments by PM, another would be to be careful not to be too effusive in your comments to anyone, and I’m sure there are other ways to handle it.
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Old 10-01-2009, 09:42 AM   #4
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I think you have a point. A lot of the people who are paysite models would probably not be considered attractive if they were thin. Yes, a lot are pretty, but a few are ugly, plain or just unattractive. Some are kinda pretty, some are really hot. So I think it's more their fat bodies that attract the men rather than the face.
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Old 10-01-2009, 09:52 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I think you have a point. A lot of the people who are paysite models would probably not be considered attractive if they were thin. Yes, a lot are pretty, but a few are ugly, plain or just unattractive. Some are kinda pretty, some are really hot. So I think it's more their fat bodies that attract the men rather than the face.
Em, surely you could have found another way to say the exact same thing? Yikes! <Inserts standard disclaimer that beauty is subjective>.

But, yeah. I don't identify as an FA/FFA but I do know what's visually appealing and hot ... to me. A fat or thin body doesn't, in itself, equate to beauty ... for me. I look at the overall package, and I assume (i.e., could be wrong) that it works this way for most people. I think that some beauty <throws Cold Comfort and Katorade into the arena for examples> is rather objectively obvious to a large group of people and some <fishes for a picture that shows a good side ... any good side > to a rather smaller pool. Not sure if this is what you were getting at, SuperD. But as an aside, I love that you so frequently create such interesting topics for discussion.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:03 AM   #6
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Em, surely you could have found another way to say the exact same thing? Yikes! <Inserts standard disclaimer that beauty is subjective>.

I did, but it was quite hard to put it in any nice way. I'm not naming names or even trying to lead anyone in the direction of any models at all. I tried not to offend but hoped people would see it was relevent to the thread rather than a dig at anyone. I don't think I managed to get my point across though.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:20 AM   #7
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Maybe this is just me, but I tend to shy away from the words "beautiful" and "pretty" because they get overworked. Also, "pretty" seems IMO to be just a little patronizing ... more applicable to a kitten than a woman, perhaps. And as Tad said, I tend to focus on details rather than the whole picture: "You look really elegant in that dress" rather than "you look nice."
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:22 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I did, but it was quite hard to put it in any nice way. I'm not naming names or even trying to lead anyone in the direction of any models at all. I tried not to offend but hoped people would see it was relevent to the thread rather than a dig at anyone. I don't think I managed to get my point across though.
You did, Em. I just had to smack your wrist with a ruler. It's what I do, don'tcha know

(I am kidding, and I did get your point).
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:24 AM   #9
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The word pretty usually used to describe faces. Some people are just better at detaching one's face or a certain body part from how the person looks as a whole. A person can have your ideal body type, but you may find her face unattractive, or simply less attractive compared to her outstanding body. In such a scenario, naturally the compliment will be directed at her body. As long as such a compliment is given in an appropriate place and in a respectful manner, I don't see it as an issue.

And well, the whole "cover the face and fuck the base" thing is pretty common with horny males, FA or not. How many guys actually study a girl's face in a porno unless it is full of jizz? Yes, it is not flattering but I don't think the reverse "aw her face is gorgeous, shame about the body" is any better.

As for guys who constantly feel a need to point out that BBWs are considered unattractive by the rest of the world, well, most of them are the type who think that fat women are desperate and should be grateful for any attention at all. When they get rejected or chastised, they then feel the need to put BBWs down.

There are also quite a few people that do not like the term BBW. I remember that some people, BBWs included think that the term is too pretentious and that they don't think that all women are beautiful (to them). Some also think that the term is some sort of a consolation prize for fat women since to them, the world doesn't think that fat women are beautiful.

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Old 10-01-2009, 10:45 AM   #10
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And well, the whole "cover the face and fuck the base" thing is pretty common with horny males, FA or not. How many guys actually study a girl's face in a porno unless it is full of jizz? Not a flattering comment, but I don't think the reverse "aw her face is gorgeous, shame about the body" is any better.
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:41 PM   #11
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A pretty girl is a pretty girl regardless of her size. I, personally, can't get excited about a fantastic body if the face is... unpleasant.
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Old 10-01-2009, 03:39 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i was wondering if anyone thinks their beauty gets ignored sometimes in deference to fat by FAs?
For myself a pretty face is essential. No matter how big and round the booty, breasts, or belly -- if she doesn't have a pretty face I'm not physically attracted. Over the years I've been on several first dates with people I'd never met in person (e.g. internet dates) -- I never worried that they would be fatter or thinner than I expected only that their face look something like their profile photos (or if I'd never seen a photo I hoped that they have a pretty face). My first thought upon meeting my wife in person for the first time was "she looks just like her photo, good!!!" (My second thought, as she turned around to lead me to her office and I saw her backside for the first time, was "wow I guess she really does weigh 400lbs.") Much as I enjoy my wife's body I enjoy her beautiful face more.

Its also been my experience that not all guys share my point of view. In casual conversation with innumerable guys -- from the locker room to the conference room -- I've heard a substantial minority of men assert that a hot body (most of the time thin) is more important than a pretty face. Interestingly these guys tend to be players.



Quote:
Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I think you have a point. A lot of the people who are paysite models would probably not be considered attractive if they were thin. Yes, a lot are pretty, but a few are ugly, plain or just unattractive. Some are kinda pretty, some are really hot. So I think it's more their fat bodies that attract the men rather than the face.
I'm going to have to agree. While some paysite models are totally hot there are a significant portion that don't do anything for me.
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Old 10-01-2009, 04:25 PM   #13
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Just a big plus one to Tad, Em, and Traci.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:23 PM   #14
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A pretty girl is a pretty girl regardless of her size. I, personally, can't get excited about a fantastic body if the face is... unpleasant.
... unpleasant.

:::snickering:::
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Old 10-01-2009, 08:44 PM   #15
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Pretty is such a weird word to me. It conjures up David Bowie to me, and Pretty Things, pretty boys, androgynous double entendres, and ennui.

I try not to think of the phrase "such a pretty face" as it's been used against me, used against wives by disapproving ex-lovers, used as a preface to the "you really need to lose a few pounds" lecture by both friendlies and strangers, used to the point of meaninglessness.

The one out FA I dated was a bumble bee of love among the fat flowers of womanhood, seemingly always out with a new lady whenever I'd see him afterward (not that that's bad, of course). He was one of those who did say the bit of me not having to worry about thin girls because he liked me just as I was, as if I was going to go weep in the bathroom about losing the one heroic guy on Earth who could sacrifice himself to condescend to fuck fat me. I wish I had been further along on my path to self-acceptance when I knew him so I could know whether I remember things went worse than they had.

A guy once wasted a half hour of my naive time online AOL in '91 asking me all about my body: he was a lover of the fat ladies and I'd just discovered chat rooms. So I gave him my dimensions. Hips were big enough, waist was sounding good to him, boobs on track . . . and we came to his exclamation that if I didn't have a fat face I'd be perfect! I was at a loss for what he meant. I mean, how the hell could I have 60-something inch hips and NOT have any fat on my face? I didn't tell him aye or nay, just thanks and take it easy. So "fat face" somehow got tacked onto "pretty face" in my head in a not-good way. So it was almost like I was at last having someone say to me it was a pity I had a beautiful body but such a fat face! Ye flipping yak dogs . . . .

Still I try to remain open-minded and to not bring along my pretty luggage whenever somebody says pretty with regard to me, other ladies, or whomever. It doesn't matter much to me these days whether people think I'm pretty in the conventional application so long as they think I'm a person they're interested in being around. I like pleasantly featured people as much as anyone but I'm not going to limit myself to them. And I don't buy that men are biologically more visually oriented. That whole thing appears more to be societally ground in as it has been suggested that women [I]in general /I] have better vision and sight acuity, particularly within close (i.e., intimate) range.

And here is an interesting little article I found that may or may not be relevant to anything.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:00 PM   #16
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You know... I think what Em said could have been worded differently, but... she had a point. I think that for a lot of guys on here, fat really does outweigh a pretty face, and everyone can deny it all they want but... really. What girl in here can honestly say she's never felt that vibe?

However... I also get nervous around non-Fa's, but whenever I've actually voiced that nervous feeling, I've been told that it doesn't matter, because "a hot girl is a hot girl".

So.. who knows.
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Old 10-01-2009, 11:39 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i was wondering if anyone thinks their beauty gets ignored sometimes in deference to fat by FAs? there is always a lot of talk by FAs of cellulite, size, fruity shapes, measurements and weight when it comes to BBWs. is it just me or does there seem to be an aversion to or an avoidance of words like pretty and beautiful more often than not when it comes to BBW traits? why do you think that is if you find that true. why don't you find it true? how does the lack of reference to beauty or the reference to it make you feel?

there are times when i feel that generally its true that beauty seems not to be talked about much. on the whole i get the feeling that FAs avoid discussing that quite a bit. sometimes it makes me wonder if some really find BBWs beautiful at all. i often wonder if it should be assumed that just because someone is sexually interested by or titilated by something whether that really means they actually find it lovely. and sometimes i seem to feel resistance when i mention that BBWs are beautiful women --with a few guys anyway always reminding that seemingly the entire rest of the world doesn't find us attractive at all.
Well I for one think your avatar doesn't do your pretty smile justice.
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Old 10-02-2009, 07:39 AM   #18
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fruity shapes.
This made me laugh out loud and not too many things do.

I think this is a great point that articulates something I may have thought myself, but never fully fleshed out.

Many of the compliments I've seen given here are about the hugeness of someone. The amazing droop of a belly. The significant sway of a fat waddle. It's all about superlatives in terms of size, gait, sometimes ill health. And so the terminology is different. It's more like: it's so huge:. period. Freakish. Bovine. Like an animal. When I see women with curly tails and pig snouts here, it's hard not to make the connection. So I hear what you're saying.

A few weeks ago, a good friend said to me: I'm no different than any other pretty girl, I just weigh more!

I think she was tapping into the same thing on which you're commenting, here. The terminology is different and I suspect that it's intentional at times and from certain people. Dims does, at times, hold up the gigantic and perhaps even the grotesque* (in the sense of spectacle, I'm not calling anyone gross) which can be extrapolated to monstrous. Those aren't qualities usually associated with 'pretty.' Pretty usually indicates symmetry, etc. What I see here is a lot of discussion of spilling out of the symmetrical, for lack of a better phrase.


*The word grotesque thus comes to be applied in a more general fashion during the Age of Reason and of Neo-Classicism--when the characteristics of the grotesque style of art—extravagance, fantasy, individual taste, and the rejection of the natural conditions of organization' are the object of ridicule and disapproval. The most general sense which it has developed by the early eighteenth century is therefore that of "ridiculous, distorted, unnatural' (adj.); 'an absurdity, a distortion of nature' (noun). (p. 6)
from Arthur Clayborough's book The Grotesque in English Literature (1965)
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:01 AM   #19
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Having not encountered alot of FA's face to face in my life I can honestly say that this has not been a problem for me. I have however had difficulties believing that someone really means it when they say I they find me attractive because of all the negativity I have faced throughout my life because of my weight. However encountering the few FA's I did and the guy friends I have had over the years that told me I was good looking and REALLY meant it stated to change that within me.
I have a really good male friend that helped me in this way but challenging me each and every time I was self depreciating, even if it was in humour or not intentional. Complimenting me on how I dressed, wore my hair, carried myself and who he saw when he looked at me. This was done so with no agenda for he was married and so his comments were pure and real without expecting something from me. He gave me a sense of how other people saw me and how I shut out that attention because of my own lack of confidence that other guy friends had identified before, but weren't able to get to the root of with me. I have another good male friend who is also married and an FA. He also has complimented me, had discussions with me about women and body image and helped me see what is is that a FA finds attractive about their women. His wife is also a good friend of mine and so I see how her insecurities about her body and self effect him and how sometimes its nard for a man to fully assist his SO as the issues are ones the woman needs to work on herself.

Now when someone says I am pretty I simply say thank you because that is their view of me. If I encounter a FA online that says I would be prettier if XYand Z I say well hey a pot for every lid. My husband, and others I love see me and love me just as I am and that is good enough for me. Not going to let some stranger, family member, chatter, poster or co worker tell me how I should look. I define me1
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:56 AM   #20
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I've been wanting to make this post for a while but could not find a way to communicate it properly. Here goes. I think in general models within the adult industry -- ALL of them -- have appearances that are not typical or average. I'm not talking about beauty per se, I'm talking about the bodies of the models themselves being extreme in some way. Even most of the models within main stream adult entertainment themselves aren't naturally occuring. They work out, have hair ripped out of their bodies, get implants and surgery and all sorts of other things to get the kind of looks that will stoke fantasies. This is the way fantasies work, they are stoked by the extreme. Hige tits, high heels, lots of makeup, blatantly sexual attitude and desires on display. Yet in real life nobody really wants that. All these fantasy women have horrible, terrible relationships. Most normal guys wouldn't dream of dating them or bringing them home to mom and it has little to do with the impression they might make. I'm theorizing that nobody really wants to be with a woman like that. Adult entertainers are viable in fantasy only. These women seem to only meet stupid apes who treat them like shit and expect them to be the impeccable and doclile woman in the glossy photo. They are eagerly pursued by the kind of men who can't discern the difference between fantasy and reality. Even the paysite models here whose bodies are naturally occuring. Very few of us are in good relationships or being sought out for anything other than a jolly good time. We're sitting at home alone on a Friday night. It's not because we're loose, vacant, unintelligent beings. I think it just boils down to the fact that fantasy is not supposed to be realistic. People don't actually want to live with their fantasy, they want their sweet pretty girl named Jen and a little mind candy every now and then in the form of the adult entertainment industry. I see some utterly pretty girls on the paysite board and they barely get any hits and then Hurricane Henrietta's Hip Spectacular Facesitting thing goes up and the site nearly crashes with people going to see. Fantasy people. A trip from reality. And the blokes who can't tell the difference are often left astonished and angry when they find that the object of their fantasy is imperfect in real life.

That being said, this is why I surmise that the lauguage used when talking about fantasies would not include words like "pretty" and "sensible shoes." Words like "Massive, Huge, Asstastic" and other adjectives can be found in almost every form of porn or fantasy. Sure the plain jane has her niche too but in fantasy as we know it, silicone and the freak show rules.
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Old 10-02-2009, 12:48 PM   #21
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I think CurvyEm and Kris are both exactly right. Several women, both on the paysite board and not, get attention merely because of their body type. They have huge [insert body part] here and are oodled for that, rather than a pretty face. As CurvyEm rather blatantly, but truthfully, put it...some of these girls (including paysite girls AND others) are not even pretty, but get attention because of the fantasy (as Lilly also said).

These women who may not even be attractive are being hailed as a BBW Cleopatra, when in actuality, some aren't even that "beautiful" or "pretty." It's the fantasy that brings people in.
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Old 10-02-2009, 01:04 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by CrystalUT11 View Post
I think CurvyEm and Kris are both exactly right. Several women, both on the paysite board and not, get attention merely because of their body type. They have huge [insert body part] here and are oodled for that, rather than a pretty face. As CurvyEm rather blatantly, but truthfully, put it...some of these girls (including paysite girls AND others) are not even pretty, but get attention because of the fantasy (as Lilly also said).

These women who may not even be attractive are being hailed as a BBW Cleopatra, when in actuality, some aren't even that "beautiful" or "pretty." It's the fantasy that brings people in.
Well, you don't think they're pretty. I might not think that they're pretty. But clearly, there are more than a few out there who not only think that they're pretty ... they pay for the privilege of looking at 'em nekkid. Seriously ... I'm not trying to split hairs or anything, as I do understand what you were saying but trite as it may be, I do think that the measure for beauty is very subjective. My husband thinks that I'm an absolute hottie. I catch him giving me "that look" at times when I'm doing something really, really sexy (like picking my underwear out of my butt or rubbing the sleep crust from my eyes). By many objective standards, I'm ... pleasant <laughing>. And I'm not fishing here, just stating my truth. I'm thrilled that my hubby thinks that I'm beautiful. His approval is all that matters to me. Thank God that I didn't have to go the rohypnol route with him. Coz I would have
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Old 10-02-2009, 01:08 PM   #23
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I’m not sure if you wanted just the view of other BBW, or if this is a more open topic? (let me know quickly and I can delete this if you just want BBW input).

I think that part of it is probably what you said, that some FA are so focused on the details that turn them on that they ignore the bigger picture. Classic missing the forest for the trees kind of thing. And in some cases they really don’t seem to have any interest in the forest, so it is not so much ‘missing’ as ‘deliberately ignoring.’

Another thought is that while each of us find some people prettier or more beautiful than others, an FA can generally always find individual points to admire on any BBW. In other words, if you tell each person who posts pictures that they are beautiful you make a certain point about your loving of all bodies, but then you lack a word for those people who you find especially stunning. If you save ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ for the those whose looks really appeal to you most, then what do you say to the rest? You can at least mention parts that you find hot. Although if you just told one woman that she is absolutely beautiful and then tell the next how hot your think her elbow dimples are it might seem like damning with faint praise? One solution would be to only send some comments by PM, another would be to be careful not to be too effusive in your comments to anyone, and I’m sure there are other ways to handle it.
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Old 10-02-2009, 01:20 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I've been wanting to make this post for a while but could not find a way to communicate it properly. Here goes. I think in general models within the adult industry -- ALL of them -- have appearances that are not typical or average. I'm not talking about beauty per se, I'm talking about the bodies of the models themselves being extreme in some way. Even most of the models within main stream adult entertainment themselves aren't naturally occuring. They work out, have hair ripped out of their bodies, get implants and surgery and all sorts of other things to get the kind of looks that will stoke fantasies. This is the way fantasies work, they are stoked by the extreme. Hige tits, high heels, lots of makeup, blatantly sexual attitude and desires on display. Yet in real life nobody really wants that. All these fantasy women have horrible, terrible relationships. Most normal guys wouldn't dream of dating them or bringing them home to mom and it has little to do with the impression they might make. I'm theorizing that nobody really wants to be with a woman like that. Adult entertainers are viable in fantasy only. These women seem to only meet stupid apes who treat them like shit and expect them to be the impeccable and doclile woman in the glossy photo. They are eagerly pursued by the kind of men who can't discern the difference between fantasy and reality. Even the paysite models here whose bodies are naturally occuring. Very few of us are in good relationships or being sought out for anything other than a jolly good time. We're sitting at home alone on a Friday night. It's not because we're loose, vacant, unintelligent beings. I think it just boils down to the fact that fantasy is not supposed to be realistic. People don't actually want to live with their fantasy, they want their sweet pretty girl named Jen and a little mind candy every now and then in the form of the adult entertainment industry. I see some utterly pretty girls on the paysite board and they barely get any hits and then Hurricane Henrietta's Hip Spectacular Facesitting thing goes up and the site nearly crashes with people going to see. Fantasy people. A trip from reality. And the blokes who can't tell the difference are often left astonished and angry when they find that the object of their fantasy is imperfect in real life.

That being said, this is why I surmise that the lauguage used when talking about fantasies would not include words like "pretty" and "sensible shoes." Words like "Massive, Huge, Asstastic" and other adjectives can be found in almost every form of porn or fantasy. Sure the plain jane has her niche too but in fantasy as we know it, silicone and the freak show rules.
thankfully thats not true for all paysite models but it happens all too much i think. it fries my butt thinking about all of the great beautiful and intelligent women and how they get treated sometimes. especially since in a lot of ways not only are they there for FAs but are the conduit to a lot of BBWs finally finding themselves to be beautiful and attractive. not to mention all of the helpful hints they give about where to find things that fit and how to take care of our bodies . but thats another story.
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Old 10-02-2009, 01:21 PM   #25
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Well I for one think your avatar doesn't do your pretty smile justice.
thank you fo such a nice compliment
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