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Old 10-06-2009, 03:11 PM   #1
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Default Resentment?

Do you ladies ever resent the fact that some people have the metabolism to eat whatever they want and not gain an once, where if YOU even SMELL the same thing they ate you gain 15 lbs? at least, that's how it seems.
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Old 10-06-2009, 03:15 PM   #2
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No, but I really like my body and shape, so I don't see it as a terrible thing. What I DO hate is when someone who has a crazy-fast metabolism like that talks about how all fat people are lazy pigs, because it shows a) they find the fat itself unattractive to the point of demonizing it, and b) they lack the ability to understand that other people's bodies might respond differently than their own.
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Old 10-06-2009, 03:21 PM   #3
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No. Never have, even during my feeble attempts at dieting (now long over.)
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Old 10-06-2009, 04:18 PM   #4
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It did bother me when I was younger, say in my 20's. But not anymore, I am pretty comfy with how things are.
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Old 10-06-2009, 04:21 PM   #5
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Nah. I mean, I get pangs of wishing for many things. At the end of the day, all I can do is remember that we are all different...and that I do have some choice in the matter/s.
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Old 10-07-2009, 01:24 AM   #6
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Sometimes I wish I had a crazy-fast metabolism, but it's not something I do a lot of fist-shaking over. Nowadays, it's average. Back in 2001 I feared that the eating disorders had screwed it up, but I quickly realized that the depakote I'd been misprescribed was primarily to blame. Once I ceased taking the medication in late 2003, the weight I'd gained started coming off.
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Old 10-07-2009, 07:45 AM   #7
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What I DO hate is when someone who has a crazy-fast metabolism like that talks about how all fat people are lazy pigs, because it shows a) they find the fat itself unattractive to the point of demonizing it, and b) they lack the ability to understand that other people's bodies might respond differently than their own.
Could not have said it better myself.
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Old 10-07-2009, 07:55 AM   #8
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Sometimes, a little--just the other day my boss (who is Korean and tiny) and I were in total disagreement about whether 80 degrees F was an appropriate temperature for the office. I was sweating, and she was telling me how wonderful and pleasant it was. (It's not usually that hot, for the record, or I'd never manage to teach.) My frustrated response? Curse Asian metabolism.

(Yes, I actually said that to a coworker.)

It's more frustrating when you do get the people with normal or overactive metabolisms going on about how hard they diet and work to be thin, while I know full well that the exact same level of food intake and excercise would probably not take a pound off my body. When it becomes a moral superiority thing, it hurts.

I know full well that it's like comparing eyesight or hearing (I wear both glasses and hearing aids), and it'd be quite easy for me to shoot someone down who suggested having 20/20 vision or perfect hearing was morally better than what I have and was born with. I've even found advantages to my "disability" that I can point out, like an ability to read lips.

And yet, when it comes to weight, it's like I can't win. It becomes my fault, something I could just change if I -really- wanted to. Never mind that my really wanting to would probably have to involve outlays of time, effort, and money that I just don't have. Never mind that it would be twenty times harder for me than for someone who just wants to drop the 10 pounds that magazines are full of tips for.

Oh, and when those people with the quick metabolisms who think I should lose weight -also- happen to be feeders who want to see everyone eating (my tiny boss isn't judgemental, but does do the feeder thing), it's even more confusing. "Eat this, but don't gain any weight!"

I know it's not entirely their fault; they didn't ask to be blessed with their genes any more than I did, and they didn't create a culture that worships the bodies they happen to have and tells them what good little girls and boys they are for having them. (Actually, the guys with the quick metabolisms tend to suffer a bit--too thin is treated as a negative for them. But it seems like a girl almost -can't- be too thin.)
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Old 10-07-2009, 08:50 AM   #9
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When I was younger it was an issue. I had a friend in high school who could eat a full dinner roast, potatoes and gravy, salads, bread and such and then an hour and a half later a full plate of appetizers when we would go for coffee with friends. This gal was so skinny you could see her ribs yet ate like a horse and it was genetic as her family all thin and petite. Used to piss me off cause I ate half of what she did(was still dieting back then) and exercised(she didn't) and still was fat.

As I gave up the diets and started on the road to self acceptance I also gave up the judgments that went along with self hatred. I would be lying if I said that I don't wish that I had been blessed with the "skinny gene" as it would make my life quite a bit easier, however this is the body I have and I have to live in it.
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Old 10-07-2009, 10:28 PM   #10
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I love these types of people. They are more proof that every person's body is unique and mysterious and can't be completely understood by science yet.

I have several very good friends who are like this. I know it could easily be otherwise, but they are some of the most size accepting people I know. The ones I know get plenty of size discrimination sent their way, from difficulty in finding clothes to diet advice from random strangers. I think of them as kind of a mirror to myself in a lot of ways, they also can't help how their body is entirely.
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Old 10-08-2009, 02:52 PM   #11
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It's interesting...I've never once thought about this really, or been bothered by it. I think I've noticed that some people have very effective metabolisms (metaboli?) but those things tend to change, as well. Everyone has to learn to accept how his or her body functions, I think, and so it's not a 'me v. them' thing, it's an everyone thing, in my mind.
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:24 PM   #12
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Do you ladies ever resent the fact that some people have the metabolism to eat whatever they want and not gain an once, where if YOU even SMELL the same thing they ate you gain 15 lbs? at least, that's how it seems.
I absolutely felt that way when I was younger. (even not much younger!) Now, however, I realize we are all just different folks. I wasn't born to have the body of a thin woman. I came out fat and tried to fight it for 30 some odd years. 'I is what I is'
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Old 10-09-2009, 01:59 PM   #13
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nope i don't hold any resentment because i don't covet a thinner body. that has nothing to do with critiquing people who'd rather be smaller. everyone has thier own image of themselves and they are different. thats just not my own personal reality.

i worry about the idea that pounds just seemingly jump on. even if you have a chemical imbalance or some other issue those really don't account for the amount of weight that would make someone a BBW rather than just plump. i was speaking to an endocrinologist about my thyroid condition and even someone at my weight ( SSBBW) most problems only account for a 20 - 30lb difference. i'm not saying this to be argumentative. i just think its important for people to admit to eating more calories than they use , being relatively inactive and being real about that. often people delude themselves about how many calories they do consume. thats why nutritionists insist on a diary. its easy to have one idea about how much you eat in your head but thats usually a lot different from whats actually happening. its a good exercise to just see it in black ad white since we forget or sometimes even shove the amounts of what we eat to the backs of our minds if we don't feel comfortable facing it yet.

i think we have to be careful about making excuses about how much we weight. its the other end of beating ourselves up for the amount of food that we do consume. i feel metabolism concerns are often a cover for a lot of people who don't want to admit to themselves that they eat a lot. i feel its ok that a person does eat a lot. i don't think it should be shameful. i feel that shame and guilt make it harder for people to master what it is they want to control. hopefully we're beginning to escape that trap and feel real and free and not so ashamed that we have to hide who we really are--even from ourselves. i know that a big reason for people hiding the amounts or trying to reduce the impression of how much they eat has a lot to do with the prejudice they feel out in the world. most people don't want to feel like an example of the "wooo she eats a lot" stereotype. but at some point i think it might be healthier for fat women as a whole if they embrace the reality of how much they eat and are open and ok with it.

i eat healthily most of the time but i eat a lot. i consume more than i use. and even though i have endocrine issues most of my weight comes from how much i eat. its very hard for a body to make fat from no calories. also i know a lot of people who are thinner than i am are also more active. i'm cool with that because its my reality. i don't look outward and compare what might have been because i am me. if i really wanted to be thin i'd just make the sacrifices and do it no matter what my metabolism was. i'm not stuck and i hope if anyone else feels stuck they know that change in any direction is possible. i hope no one feels they have to be fat out of hopelessness. i hope everyone knows and feels it is thier own personal choice. we have power to be fat or thin no matter what our metabolism is or what other challenges we face. it just depends on whether we are emotionally ready yet or not. its easy for us to put up roadblocks and denial is a big one that a lot of us have surrounding all kinds of different issues. its just a protection until we are ready to consider seriously what we want and feeling our worthiness to have whatever that is. i don't think anything is truly beyond our control when we are ready. but having said that, i'm very happy to see it when women are accepting of who they honestly are metabolism and all. thats peace. i'm so happy to see so much of it right here.

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Old 10-12-2009, 07:22 AM   #14
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. i know that a big reason for people hiding the amounts or trying to reduce the impression of how much they eat has a lot to do with the prejudice they feel out in the world. most people don't want to feel like an example of the "wooo she eats a lot" stereotype. but at some point i think it might be healthier for fat women as a whole if they embrace the reality of how much they eat and are open and ok with it.

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This was beautifully said, Super. I agree wholeheartedly.
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Old 10-12-2009, 02:57 PM   #15
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I agree with Supero's sentiments as well. Honesty with self is always the best policy, though painful as it may be sometimes.
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Old 10-12-2009, 04:09 PM   #16
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I think part of the reason that I resent it so much is the simple fact that I don't WANT to be a BBW, and wish I were thinner. *sigh*
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Old 10-12-2009, 04:32 PM   #17
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I think part of the reason that I resent it so much is the simple fact that I don't WANT to be a BBW, and wish I were thinner. *sigh*
What do you think would be better about you if you were thinner? Do you want to be thinner because you would/could do more things or do you just think you would look better?
Maby the women with the quick metabolisms or the ones who eat less have things about themselves they would like to change too, maby even physically.
I have heard a lot of stories about women who wanted so bad to be thin because they thought when that happened they would be happy and do x y and z.. and when they got thin nothing had changed except for thier bodies and they realised that actually that didnt make them happy.
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Old 10-12-2009, 06:01 PM   #18
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I want to be thinner for several reasons. One is, of course, for my health. I have a lot of obesity related health issues.

The main reason, though, is because I would look better. I simply don't find fat to be attractive - at least not a fat ME. I'm a size 22 now, and I am MUCH happier and feel much more attractive at a size 14. Smaller than that and I am literally stick-thin and sickly. I have NEVER wanted to be fat, but my metabolism, hatred for exercise, and my eating habits made it difficult for me to stay small... and pregnancies made it that much more so. So... I'm fat and unhappy about it, and HAVE been for many years. One day I'm sure I'll get fed up (no pun intended) enough to finally sweat off the pounds and eat rice cakes, but that hasn't happened yet.
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Old 10-13-2009, 09:29 PM   #19
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I think part of the reason that I resent it so much is the simple fact that I don't WANT to be a BBW, and wish I were thinner. *sigh*
The thing I'm wondering is what you feel you can get -- or would like to get -- from a site like Dimensions. Are you hoping to come to a place in your life hwere you can love your body, fat and all?
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Old 10-13-2009, 10:54 PM   #20
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The thing I'm wondering is what you feel you can get -- or would like to get -- from a site like Dimensions. Are you hoping to come to a place in your life hwere you can love your body, fat and all?
Well, only speaking for myself, I'm thrilled to be back here for the "sisterhood"... even if only virtual. I have NO overweight friends. I have no one to go to for fashion advice, relationship concerns, body issues, or whatever. I'm literally giddy just reading all of the posts and being immersed among a group of similar folks... at least on at least one dimension (pun intended, I guess) of our lives.

Being obese is the only life I've ever known... and despite my autoimmune stuff, I'm a healthy fat person, have always been active and loved life, and have never felt that I was treated overtly differently because of my size. The few obese girlfriends I've had in my life had opposite views and blamed everything that went wrong on their size... I've never had a positive communal fat-experience other than my current/previous time with people from this group.

I don't need the companionship in order to love or appreciate myself more... but I think this place gives me permission to love myself outloud. I mean, I'm a fairly conceited fat chick and I smile in every mirror I see just because I love the way I look (literally, I once broke my toe because I was watching myself smile into a mirror and walking at the same time)...

Off of this website, even if my friends love me, most of them take the attitude that I shouldn't love myself as I am... no one is cruel about it but I've never had a friend that wasn't asking me to the gym (as if I wasn't capable of going on my own), going on whatever diet, etc. They equate a thinner me with a better me... and never even ask how I feel about it.

I'm here to be me. I'm here to talk about how I want to be smaller for my own health reasons. I'm here to talk about sizing clothes appropriately. I'm here to get ideas about how to fix my hair. I'm here to be inspired by all of the ladies who haven't let their size slow them down. I'm here to enjoy being me in a way I can't fully enjoy it in the real world.

Society blames fat people for a lot of stuff and even if I haven't felt it directly... it's all around me all the time. It's on the news; just this week stories about state health plans charging the obese twice as much for insurance as those of normal weight starting next year. It's in my home; my family are of normal-chubby size and constantly comment on how every sneeze, ache, or upset tummy is because of "how I eat" even though I'm the only one in the family who actually watches what they eat/cooks/enjoys veggies/fruits/whole grains on the daily. It was even in my classroom with constant social sciences professors going on and on about the poor behavioral choices of the obese.

Ugh. Ok, end soapbox, but that's why I'm here... just to have fun and not worry about who is might be offended that I'm actually a happy, self-aware, self-loving chick.
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Old 10-14-2009, 08:02 AM   #21
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The thing I'm wondering is what you feel you can get -- or would like to get -- from a site like Dimensions. Are you hoping to come to a place in your life hwere you can love your body, fat and all?
Good heavens no... if I ever got to the point where I loved my body, fat and all, it would be time for me to give up. I'm so incredibly unhealthy like this. For me, the main reason to be here is the knowledge that there ARE men out there that not only like big women, but prefer them.

I may not have been fat for my entire life, but I've had PLENTY of men tell me they'd be happy to have sex with me but not date me due to size. I figure if they don't want me fat, then I don't want them when thin- I deserve better.
It's the same with friendships. People who constantly belittle me for my weight are NOT the kind of people that I want to be around. That doesn't happen here.

I know there has to be some other women here who live happy lives as BBWs but still wish they were NOT BBWs. I can't be the only one. I DO have a happy life for the most part... and I am not ASHAMED of my weight. But I am not proud of it either.
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Old 10-14-2009, 08:39 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Flutterby68 View Post
Good heavens no... if I ever got to the point where I loved my body, fat and all, it would be time for me to give up. I'm so incredibly unhealthy like this. For me, the main reason to be here is the knowledge that there ARE men out there that not only like big women, but prefer them.

I may not have been fat for my entire life, but I've had PLENTY of men tell me they'd be happy to have sex with me but not date me due to size. I figure if they don't want me fat, then I don't want them when thin- I deserve better.
It's the same with friendships. People who constantly belittle me for my weight are NOT the kind of people that I want to be around. That doesn't happen here.

I know there has to be some other women here who live happy lives as BBWs but still wish they were NOT BBWs. I can't be the only one. I DO have a happy life for the most part... and I am not ASHAMED of my weight. But I am not proud of it either.
You realise that the guys on here who prefer fat women might not still find you attractive if you did lose weight because of their preference. The reason i bring this up is because you seem determined to lose weight. I'm also wondering how it would feel to you on a psychological level to have someone Love (worship even) something about you that you, yourself seem to loath?
The guys who wouldn't date you because of your size arn't just non fa's they are pricks!!! You are right you certainly do not deserve to be used by anyone like that, just as these kinna 'men' don't deserve oxygen!!
I am sure there are women on here that would prefer to be thinner for whatever reason, i think many though, if they find self acceptance can live a life where losing weight stops becoming as much of an obsession as it might have been before that.
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Old 10-14-2009, 10:08 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
You realise that the guys on here who prefer fat women might not still find you attractive if you did lose weight because of their preference. The reason i bring this up is because you seem determined to lose weight. I'm also wondering how it would feel to you on a psychological level to have someone Love (worship even) something about you that you, yourself seem to loath?
The guys who wouldn't date you because of your size arn't just non fa's they are pricks!!! You are right you certainly do not deserve to be used by anyone like that, just as these kinna 'men' don't deserve oxygen!!
I am sure there are women on here that would prefer to be thinner for whatever reason, i think many though, if they find self acceptance can live a life where losing weight stops becoming as much of an obsession as it might have been before that.
Perhaps those same men on here would not find me attractive if I lost weight - but if that's the case, I would put them in the same category as the men who refused to date me BECAUSE I was fat.

I find it sad that weight is such an issue at all, really. I've always believed that if you love ME, the person that I am, the skin I am in should be mere window dressing.

However, I know that I would FEEL more attractive if I lost weight... and a lot of that would simply be due to the fact that many of my health problems would disappear (blood pressure, type II diabetes, cholesterol, etc.) and I wouldn't have constant back/shoulder/joint pain either. ALL those things would boost how attractive I feel because I would not feel as old and broken down as I do at this size.
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Old 10-14-2009, 11:52 AM   #24
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[QUOTE=mergirl;1296489]
Quote:
The guys who wouldn't date you because of your size arn't just non fa's they are pricks!!! You are right you certainly do not deserve to be used by anyone like that, just as these kinna 'men' don't deserve oxygen!!
There would be many...many...men on here who would also be turning blue and hitting the ground. Going to need so many medics!

[QUOTE]I am sure there are women on here that would prefer to be thinner for whatever reason, i think many though, if they find self acceptance can live a life where losing weight stops becoming as much of an obsession as it might have been before that.[QUOTE]

Yup. So true with most anything that grabs hold of ' us '. When there is a healthier mindset shoring up the troubles, they don't disappear ( and if talking about health of any kind, they shouldn't )...but they certainly have a better chance of being seen clearly...and any work done to change...might actually work, and not rip us up.

Last edited by mossystate; 10-14-2009 at 11:53 AM. Reason: I really need to learn how to do proper quoting...really.
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Old 10-14-2009, 12:02 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Flutterby68 View Post
Good heavens no... if I ever got to the point where I loved my body, fat and all, it would be time for me to give up. I'm so incredibly unhealthy like this. For me, the main reason to be here is the knowledge that there ARE men out there that not only like big women, but prefer them.

.
OK, this statement totally confuses me...because if you got to the place that you loved your body, how, exactly is that giving up? What are you giving up? Shame? Fear? Frustration? Feelings of unworthiness? It is ALWAYS worthwhile to learn to love your self and your body at whatever size it is at that moment. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to stay that size...but it means you make choices because you are worth it. Right now. Not 10 lbs, or 50 lbs or 100 lbs from now. Choose your life from a position of love, not fear and unhappiness.

My 2 cents.
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