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Old 10-14-2009, 01:25 PM   #26
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Sure it would make things easier at times if I did have a super fast metabolism. But I dont. And wishing for it, and getting upset over it, isn't worth it to me.

I was unhappy with my body at 290+ lbs. And I was unhappy with my body when I was 17 and 175 lbs (and still a size 14!). As I've been losing weight, as unpopular as that is here, I've found that I'm no longer unhappy with my body (most of the time anyway). I'm happier now with my body than I was at my thinnest.

I think its because I'm not focusing on how my body looks, but what it can do. And I've stopped comparing myself to other women. This is my body. I can either spend my life hating it, or not. And I'd rather not. And if I dont like something about it, change it. Which I'm doing. And its not that I HATE myself or my body, or that I hated it at 290. I just wasn't happy being that heavy. And there is nothing wrong with that.

My reasons for continuing to lose weight, have more to do with the fact that the less I weigh, the easier it will be for me to do the activities that I love (running and biking), than the desire to be "Skinny". And its not like I'd ever be skinny anyway - and realizing that has helped ALOT. I dont aspire to be a size 0 or 5 or 8.

Something in me changed this summer. I did things I never thought I could do. I ran a 5k. I ride mt biking trails. I rode 50 miles in one weekend. I love to be outdoors. I stooped caring about how I looked. I stopped caring what other people thought of me. I run outside in SHORTS! And tanktops! I love how strong my body has become. And how strong I have become. I cant even describe how it felt when I made it up my first hill on a trail - or when I crossed the finish line at my 5k this summer. But I can say that my weight was the furthest thing from my mind. I felt so much pride, self love, self acceptance, happiness, and every other good feeling, in me. And I love that. And I feel like that whenever I make it up a hard hill or have a good run.

Its ok to be skinny, and its ok to be fat, or somewhere in between. Whatever makes YOU happy. Not what makes other people happy. If a guy doesn't like you because you're too fat, too skinny, or too whatever, then he's not worth it. My husband has been with me at my thinnest, and my fattest. And has loved me through all of it. He found me attractive at 175, and at almost 300. He finds me sexy and attractive as I am now - stretch marks, sagging skin, deflated boobs and all. Because I'm still ME.
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Old 10-14-2009, 02:42 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Flutterby68 View Post
Good heavens no... if I ever got to the point where I loved my body, fat and all, it would be time for me to give up. I'm so incredibly unhealthy like this. For me, the main reason to be here is the knowledge that there ARE men out there that not only like big women, but prefer them.
This is as confusing to me as it seems to be to everyone else. It seems to make no sense to be looking for men who prefer something you hope not to be. I also don't get why you're looking for men when you've talked about being married, but maybe there's more to that part that we don't know/don't need to know. Sticking to the size issue here, it seems like you're setting not just yourself, but any man you might meet here, up for pain if you loathe and want to be rid one of the chief things that attracts him.
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Old 10-14-2009, 04:23 PM   #28
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This is as confusing to me as it seems to be to everyone else. It seems to make no sense to be looking for men who prefer something you hope not to be. I also don't get why you're looking for men when you've talked about being married, but maybe there's more to that part that we don't know/don't need to know. Sticking to the size issue here, it seems like you're setting not just yourself, but any man you might meet here, up for pain if you loathe and want to be rid one of the chief things that attracts him.
I am not looking for men, not at all. I am not looking for men HERE, and wouldn't want to meet anyone anyway. But it is nice to be in a place where the "American standard of beauty" is NOT the norm. I'm constantly surrounded by people who think that anything over a size 4 is hideous.
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Old 10-14-2009, 04:34 PM   #29
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But that's the thing - she's not looking for men, nor is she looking to get thin. She's here to be around people who "get it." Or, if they don't quite "get it," they are at least coming from a position that is absolutely unclouded by fat-hate. It's AMAZING how much easier it is to be yourself around people who don't require you to hide the fat or apologize it away. Especially men. Of course, there's always the opposite, Wonderland effect to which Mossy alludes, but that's another ball of wax.

Something people must understand is that size acceptance DOES NOT necessarily equal full and unconditional self-acceptance. You can be completely supportive of other people's fatness without wanting to be fat/certain levels of fat yourself (otherwise, virtually all thin FAs would become ethical conundra). The whole "appropriate personal fatness" concept is gonna vary among people, and sometimes may shift and change for a single person. Sometimes - hell, MOST of the time - the best you can truthfully, honestly get is "relative acceptance." And trust me, that's a victory. I used to get suicidal (really!) over wearing anything above size 12. Now, I'm okay with my current size. I don't necessarily love everything about my body and I sure as heck don't want to hit 300+ again, but the fact that I'm "fat" (in general terms) isn't the problem anymore.

For me, SA is a political philosophy rooted in the individual's right to 1. exist in society without being hounded or abused into second-class citizenry by virtue of their weight or size and 2. make decisions for the most effective promotion of his/her own health, well-being, and physical authenticity. Ideally, the movement contributes to a goal of public size-blindness. From there, we have the right to choose how we want to look and whom we want to fuck. Further, we have the right to choose how we FEEL about how we look NOW.

Size 14, while not a very large size in the grander scheme of things, is still a MAJOR psychological abyss marker for most of society. If Dims and SA can help Anna normalize her size 14 goal, WONDERFUL. If Dims and SA can help her feel more comfortable about discussing size issues, GREAT. For a long time, I refused to mention my size, my weight, or even where I shopped for clothes because I was terrified of speaking my fatness/officializing it with labels, as it were. Even if she isn't happy at size 22, she can still rely on us to validate her humanity - that's something the outside world doesn't always do for larger people.

Further, I see nothing confusing in a non-fat-aspirant taking comfort in the fact that some people find fat, even extreme fat, beautiful. It's heartening to know that there are folks out there who value what you are, even if you wish to be different. It's all part of the fat-/self-normalization process.
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Old 10-14-2009, 04:41 PM   #30
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OK, this statement totally confuses me...because if you got to the place that you loved your body, how, exactly is that giving up? What are you giving up? Shame? Fear? Frustration? Feelings of unworthiness? It is ALWAYS worthwhile to learn to love your self and your body at whatever size it is at that moment. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to stay that size...but it means you make choices because you are worth it. Right now. Not 10 lbs, or 50 lbs or 100 lbs from now. Choose your life from a position of love, not fear and unhappiness.

My 2 cents.
Yup, I'm with you here. Good post.

For me, loving my body doesn't mean I am in love with the idea of being fat... it means I'm thankful to have a body that works with 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes and ears, legs that walk, and arms that carry shopping bags after a spree.

Do I want to be thinner? Of course... not only for heart health, etc... but because I love exercise and being active and sports and those things are much easier when I'm small. It doesn't mean I feel like giving up just because I appreciate and nurture myself and my body.

As for ya'll mentioning the guys, that has been exactly my experience with these types of boards and chats since I first found them back in 2000. By the end of my last visit, I stopped talking with ALL of the single guys and just returned for the friendship of the ladies.

I forget who said it, maybe flutterby... but if they can't love me at any size, I don't want them... be it someone who doesn't want me to gain or someone who doesn't want me to lose... I want someone who loves me enough to support me being me at what's most healthy for me mentally and physically... where ever that might fall on the spectrum.

Now, where do I find me one of them critters? Someone mail me one please!
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Old 10-14-2009, 06:27 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Flutterby68 View Post
I am not looking for men, not at all. I am not looking for men HERE, and wouldn't want to meet anyone anyway. But it is nice to be in a place where the "American standard of beauty" is NOT the norm. I'm constantly surrounded by people who think that anything over a size 4 is hideous.
That I can understand very much. Thanks for clarifying. Certainly being in a size-positive environment can have benefits just by osmosis.
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Old 10-14-2009, 06:50 PM   #32
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just my thoughts:

i respect your feelings. they are yours and they are valid. but think about this: if you can learn to love yourself exactly how you are in the here and now it might be easier for you to take control of your issues--whatever they may be. you won't do the guilt /emotional/i hate myself eating that a lot of people do. maybe it would help you to manage yourself better and feel that you have a choice in what you do. it could also help you if you ever got thin because even if you were smaller, like a lot of women, you'd probably find SOMETHING not to like about yourself anyway. it might be your body or something else entirely.

sometimes i think we focus on what we don't like about ourselves because we want to magnify our shortcomings. why? maybe because we feel deep down that we can't reach our goals and we need an excuse? i'm not sure. if we aren't perfect we feel that somehow we don't have to go after that career, relationship etc... that we really want. we have that "i'm not perfect so thats why bad things happen to me" thing going. it could be the "i'm fat" ", my boobs aren't the perfect dimensions", "my eyes are the wrong color","i don't like my nose". but its not because i am punishing myself because i feel somehow inadequate within myself and i'm afraid to investigate why. we can focus on the percieved flaw and not on the goal that we are afraid of. we give ourselves some kind of free pass not to live and to stay in suspended animation. so maybe by facing those negative perceptions about yourself right now you can practice facing down any other self defeating ideas about yourself you might have later that could stop you from getting what exactly you want.

i don't think it could hurt you to love and appreciate yourself and to know you don't have to be your idea of "perfect" to do that. i don't see how hating yourself for what you are now is facing anything or doing anything constructive for you. that sounds more like giving up to me than learning to love yourself no matter what even while you are making changes that you feel will improve your life. you don't need to be fat or thin to accept yourself. all you need to be is you.

PS: i really respect and understand the fact that you are not here looking for men but you are here looking for yourself.

Last edited by superodalisque; 10-14-2009 at 07:02 PM.
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Old 10-14-2009, 08:21 PM   #33
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Just being around people who think of themselves as JUST FINE the way they are, whether it's a size 8 or a size 28 or whatever... THAT makes a difference. Everyone I know IRL seems to be in the constant pursuit of "thin" and "perfect" - whatever that is. They don't seem to realize that even if they reach that goal, it's only a small factor in what makes them who they are. YES, I want to be thinner than I am for many reasons, health and self-esteem related. But having less square footage to my ass won't change the fact that I'm still ME. The redhead who makes jewelry, reads books, writes erotica, drinks diet coke by the gallon, makes really bad puns frequently, watches ST:TNG reruns incessantly, loves cheesecake, loves pink, prefers to be barefoot, is fascinated by shipwrecks, has never been on a plane, and can't sing karaoke due to stage fright. You know... unique.

It's nice to be around people who have already learned that about themselves.
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Old 10-15-2009, 06:29 AM   #34
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I find it sad that weight is such an issue at all, really. I've always believed that if you love ME, the person that I am, the skin I am in should be mere window dressing.
.
Read this sentence again please, Flutter. I wish you were talking about your own feelings, here. Can you ask a man to do what you won't do for yourself? I agree with what you say above to a great extent, but I'm not sure you believe it about yourself. Which is okay; I think we've all battled with insecurity or disliked something about ourselves (external or internal). That's the human condition. I also understand and accept that you want to change yourself, but without a positive attitude about who you are now, I think that's going to be difficult. It may be a stretch to advise you to accept yourself fat--but why not just accept yourself as a whole person, first? And then, if you don't like things about yourself, work to change them. Resenting those with different bodies, resenting those who have surgery and then don't follow post-surgical diets...that's a lot of looking outside of yourself instead of doing the self-work (is that a word?) you'll need in order to make significant changes in your life. I get that you're feeling down and upset, but I gotta tell ya--the victim mentality helps no one.


edited to add: Well shit. I didn't read ahead to see that Super hit on some of my points already. Well, whatever. I love to 'hear' myself 'talk.'

Last edited by Jes; 10-15-2009 at 06:31 AM.
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Old 10-15-2009, 02:56 PM   #35
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Sure it would make things easier at times if I did have a super fast metabolism. But I dont. And wishing for it, and getting upset over it, isn't worth it to me.

I was unhappy with my body at 290+ lbs. And I was unhappy with my body when I was 17 and 175 lbs (and still a size 14!). As I've been losing weight, as unpopular as that is here, I've found that I'm no longer unhappy with my body (most of the time anyway). I'm happier now with my body than I was at my thinnest.

I think its because I'm not focusing on how my body looks, but what it can do. And I've stopped comparing myself to other women. This is my body. I can either spend my life hating it, or not. And I'd rather not. And if I dont like something about it, change it. Which I'm doing. And its not that I HATE myself or my body, or that I hated it at 290. I just wasn't happy being that heavy. And there is nothing wrong with that.

My reasons for continuing to lose weight, have more to do with the fact that the less I weigh, the easier it will be for me to do the activities that I love (running and biking), than the desire to be "Skinny". And its not like I'd ever be skinny anyway - and realizing that has helped ALOT. I dont aspire to be a size 0 or 5 or 8.

Something in me changed this summer. I did things I never thought I could do. I ran a 5k. I ride mt biking trails. I rode 50 miles in one weekend. I love to be outdoors. I stooped caring about how I looked. I stopped caring what other people thought of me. I run outside in SHORTS! And tanktops! I love how strong my body has become. And how strong I have become. I cant even describe how it felt when I made it up my first hill on a trail - or when I crossed the finish line at my 5k this summer. But I can say that my weight was the furthest thing from my mind. I felt so much pride, self love, self acceptance, happiness, and every other good feeling, in me. And I love that. And I feel like that whenever I make it up a hard hill or have a good run.

Its ok to be skinny, and its ok to be fat, or somewhere in between. Whatever makes YOU happy. Not what makes other people happy. If a guy doesn't like you because you're too fat, too skinny, or too whatever, then he's not worth it. My husband has been with me at my thinnest, and my fattest. And has loved me through all of it. He found me attractive at 175, and at almost 300. He finds me sexy and attractive as I am now - stretch marks, sagging skin, deflated boobs and all. Because I'm still ME.
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Originally Posted by Tania View Post
But that's the thing - she's not looking for men, nor is she looking to get thin. She's here to be around people who "get it." Or, if they don't quite "get it," they are at least coming from a position that is absolutely unclouded by fat-hate. It's AMAZING how much easier it is to be yourself around people who don't require you to hide the fat or apologize it away. Especially men. Of course, there's always the opposite, Wonderland effect to which Mossy alludes, but that's another ball of wax.

Something people must understand is that size acceptance DOES NOT necessarily equal full and unconditional self-acceptance. You can be completely supportive of other people's fatness without wanting to be fat/certain levels of fat yourself (otherwise, virtually all thin FAs would become ethical conundra). The whole "appropriate personal fatness" concept is gonna vary among people, and sometimes may shift and change for a single person. Sometimes - hell, MOST of the time - the best you can truthfully, honestly get is "relative acceptance." And trust me, that's a victory. I used to get suicidal (really!) over wearing anything above size 12. Now, I'm okay with my current size. I don't necessarily love everything about my body and I sure as heck don't want to hit 300+ again, but the fact that I'm "fat" (in general terms) isn't the problem anymore.

For me, SA is a political philosophy rooted in the individual's right to 1. exist in society without being hounded or abused into second-class citizenry by virtue of their weight or size and 2. make decisions for the most effective promotion of his/her own health, well-being, and physical authenticity. Ideally, the movement contributes to a goal of public size-blindness. From there, we have the right to choose how we want to look and whom we want to fuck. Further, we have the right to choose how we FEEL about how we look NOW.

Size 14, while not a very large size in the grander scheme of things, is still a MAJOR psychological abyss marker for most of society. If Dims and SA can help Anna normalize her size 14 goal, WONDERFUL. If Dims and SA can help her feel more comfortable about discussing size issues, GREAT. For a long time, I refused to mention my size, my weight, or even where I shopped for clothes because I was terrified of speaking my fatness/officializing it with labels, as it were. Even if she isn't happy at size 22, she can still rely on us to validate her humanity - that's something the outside world doesn't always do for larger people.

Further, I see nothing confusing in a non-fat-aspirant taking comfort in the fact that some people find fat, even extreme fat, beautiful. It's heartening to know that there are folks out there who value what you are, even if you wish to be different. It's all part of the fat-/self-normalization process.
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Originally Posted by BBW4Chattery View Post
Yup, I'm with you here. Good post.

For me, loving my body doesn't mean I am in love with the idea of being fat... it means I'm thankful to have a body that works with 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes and ears, legs that walk, and arms that carry shopping bags after a spree.

Do I want to be thinner? Of course... not only for heart health, etc... but because I love exercise and being active and sports and those things are much easier when I'm small. It doesn't mean I feel like giving up just because I appreciate and nurture myself and my body.

As for ya'll mentioning the guys, that has been exactly my experience with these types of boards and chats since I first found them back in 2000. By the end of my last visit, I stopped talking with ALL of the single guys and just returned for the friendship of the ladies.

I forget who said it, maybe flutterby... but if they can't love me at any size, I don't want them... be it someone who doesn't want me to gain or someone who doesn't want me to lose... I want someone who loves me enough to support me being me at what's most healthy for me mentally and physically... where ever that might fall on the spectrum.

Now, where do I find me one of them critters? Someone mail me one please!
I really enjoyed reading these posts. A lot of what was said in them echo my own thoughts.
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Old 10-17-2009, 04:54 PM   #36
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I resent for the fact that people with high metabolisms are considered geniuses when it comes to weight-loss and health. That includes doctors, personal trainers, and nutrition professionals.

It's kind of like having Stephen Hawking explain elementary physics to a person with a learning disability. For Dr. Hawking Math and Physics have always been simply a reality in his life. He just inherently grasps the concepts due to his brains inner workings.

So what I resent is being told by someone who is inherently thin how I should and need to loose weight. It always seems to them like everything is so evident to them and we are just nutrition learning disabled. They just don't grok that they are dealing with a body that is not programmed to run as efficiently as their's is. And even that efficency is a matter of opinion.

I mean where are all these carb-using fat burners going to be if we are reduced to a hunter-gatherer subsistence? I just lament being of a body type that would've provided me ideal survivability a few thousand years ago and it don't get no respect for its primeval efficiency.
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Old 10-17-2009, 06:27 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Tania View Post
Sometimes I wish I had a crazy-fast metabolism, but it's not something I do a lot of fist-shaking over. Nowadays, it's average. Back in 2001 I feared that the eating disorders had screwed it up, but I quickly realized that the depakote I'd been misprescribed was primarily to blame. Once I ceased taking the medication in late 2003, the weight I'd gained started coming off.
Same here.......especially when something I want to buy doesn't fit. lol

I was on a couple meds notorious for adding on the pounds (and fast and in large quantities). Gained probably 120lb in less than 6 months. The vast majority of the weight didn't come off, and it took major work to get off the weight that did come off. I would get out of breath so easily...I was miserable like that, really not being able to move around. I still would like to get more of that weight off.......it's putting a toll on my joints.
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Old 10-19-2009, 01:12 AM   #38
Tania
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Seriously! I never used to believe people when they would say, "Oh, I gained so much on xyz meds, yadda yadda." Now I totally get it. When you've never been anything heavier than moderately overweight your whole life, its definitely a red flag when you gain so much so quickly, and without significant alteration to your eating habits.
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