FA Myths thread # 1

James · 10-11-2009, 10:58 PM

"all other FA are attracted and turned on by fat in the same way that I am"

Quote:

(Please read the following before posting a response)

This is the first topic for discussion in relation to the FA board project "FA Myths and Misconceptions". The above myth was suggested for discussion by Tad and will be discussed for 2 weeks in this thread before being edited and ultimately posted to the FA Myths and Misconceptions sticky.

The aim of the 'FA Myths and Misconceptions' project is create a useful and helpful resource for all FAs, but it is presumed to be of likely specific benefit to the new and/or inexperienced among us for whom misconception and misunderstanding may be most common.

Please keep discussion on topic and productive. Any off topic discussion, flaming, personal attacks or thread crashing will be deleted.

Jon Blaze · 10-11-2009, 11:06 PM

Oh that's a good one.

I think the whole "Preference vs fetish" is a big subject here. I eventually evolved into thinking that FA, as a concept can exist on either level since they're extremely different.

I'm actually writing a blog right now about my perception of "Curvy" as well in regards to women of all sizes, because similar to this thread, I wanted to shed some light on people that think I think like everyone else on many levels: Whether it's because I'm man, whether it's because I'm an FA, and so on... I don't know if I should post it here because it's probably going to be really long. lol

Jon Blaze · 10-12-2009, 01:41 AM

Another comment:

I remember hearing a comment on Curvage where one of the posters said that he was attracted to gaining and not fat, and then I just thought to myself I'm not technically in either of those groups in themselves. Just thought it was interesting. lol

Webmaster · 10-12-2009, 08:06 AM

I think there are two separate issues.

The first one is the attraction to fat and fatness. There, I have found a very remarkable similarity of experience, desires and fantasies in FAs. When I was exploring my FA-ness, I often thought no one else could possibly feel the same way I do and thrill over the same fantasies, and then I'd find that other FAs had gone through the exact same experience, almost as if we were all running the same program. So I do believe there are some basic similarities in the way FAs experience their attraction and the power fat holds over us.

The second is our individual preferences. Those can be quite varied and there are definitely those who prefer pears, apples, hourglass or some other figure type.

Maybe it's a little bit like some other traits that people are attracted to in a person. For example, we can feel a basic attraction to intelligence or a sense of humor or some other trait that is really mandatory for us to click with a partner, but still have very different physical preferences.

James · 10-12-2009, 11:46 AM

Until I had met other FAs for whom it was a reality, I'd always kind of presumed that bisizual FAs (i.e. FAs who are equally sexually attracted to fat or thin women) weren't for real. I remembered being an awkward teenager and wishing that I was attracted to thin women as it would have made life easier at the time. It seemed to me that bisizual FAs were clinging on to a similar notion... but as I say, I have encountered enough examples of genuine bisizuality since then to know that it does legitimately exist. Some surveys on dims have put the proportion at two-thirds of FAs being bisizual but I'm not so sure its that much. Anecdotally speaking, its probably morelike 10-25% of the FAs that I've met personally that would fall into the bisizual category.

jonah-uk · 10-12-2009, 01:09 PM

i certainly find a lot of thinner women very attractive, but the desire stops at looking really - there's no impetus to want to take things further

Jon Blaze · 10-12-2009, 01:33 PM

Another thing to consider for those that aren't bisizual is where your range begins.

I am, but my "Thin" range is very narrow. You could almost say it's on a societal level.

But my "Big" range starts just above that and ends at ssbbw. I'm sure many FAs don't, for example, start at 250 lbs for example.

Also to add to the recent comments: There's nothing wrong with finding thin women attractive aesthetically speaking. lol

The Orange Mage · 10-12-2009, 05:32 PM

certain places on the internet have enlightened me that there are those who call themselves FAs but are disgusted by double chins, hanging bellies, and cellulite. go figure.

olwen · 10-12-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jon Blaze

Another thing to consider for those that aren't bisizual is where your range begins.

I am, but my "Thin" range is very narrow. You could almost say it's on a societal level.

But my "Big" range starts just above that and ends at ssbbw. I'm sure many FAs don't, for example, start at 250 lbs for example.

Also to add to the recent comments: There's nothing wrong with finding thin women attractive aesthetically speaking. lol

I sincerely hope this comment doesn't derail this thread or is out of place and if so then Mods, by all means please delete it, but I'm sure there are many bbws over 250lbs or even 350lbs who have been told by more than one FA that we are too small. I know I have been told that several times, so I really do wonder if the number of FAs whose range starts at or near super size is small. I'd think it was at least 1/3rd. But I don't have any statistics to back that up, only personal experience. But more often than not I've been told I'm the wrong shape regardless of size. But that leads to another good myth to bust which is that all FAs prefer pear shape women because that certainly isn't true, as I've had enough admirers over the years to suggest otherwise.

James · 10-12-2009, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olwen

I sincerely hope this comment doesn't derail this thread or is out of place and if so then Mods, by all means please delete it, but I'm sure there are many bbws over 250lbs or even 350lbs who have been told by more than one FA that we are too small. I know I have been told that several times, so I really do wonder if the number of FAs whose range starts at or near super size is small. I'd think it was at least 1/3rd. But I don't have any statistics to back that up, only personal experience. But more often than not I've been told I'm the wrong shape regardless of size. But that leads to another good myth to bust which is that all FAs prefer pear shape women because that certainly isn't true, as I've had enough admirers over the years to suggest otherwise.

The focus of this project is on clearing up myths that FAs believe erroneously or indeed, showing that there is truth in them. Your personal and anecdotal experience is relevant towards helping do that in this case... i.e. are FAs all turned on in the same way or not..? (Your post helps us by sharing your experience is that FAs have different aesthetics along a variety of axes... which is a perfectly fine contribution..! )

For information to all, those posts that are relevant and constructive, with regards to addressing the myth in question, are welcome.

Also, feel free to add your suggested myth (all FAs prefer pear shape women) to the suggestions thread

rollhandler · 10-12-2009, 10:48 PM

I consider myself a student of the human condition. As such, and from the FA perspective, I fully believe that for every size and shape and desire, there are others out there to fit it, admire it, and crave it. For every yin there is a yang etc.

So by that very logic I have also observed that by nature and nurture through experience and the process of personal growth and maturing there are as many ways of desiring BBWs and BHMs as there are FAs to experience it in the world. Many have similar tastes but for most there is some point of division that differs from the next persons.

I think this myth comes from the social need to fit in somewhere. FAs have a hard enough time fitting in with the desires that make us what we are but, to think that our specific version of FA in our manner of desire is strange or differs from every other FA might make us somehow feel that we don't belong or fit with our own social group. As such we look for those with similarities of experience and manner of preference seeking to connect with specific people that share OUR version of FA more and overlook or deny the differences to fit better with our peers instead of embracing the differences of individuality within the common factors that all FAs share. FA attraction and desire is a common experience we share individually and in different ways.

Rollhandler

musicman · 10-13-2009, 04:38 AM

As Conrad suggested above, I think it depends on where you are in your own personal journey. At first you are amazed (and perhaps overjoyed) to find that there are other guys who like fat women, so you focus on that. Then later, you are equally amazed (and perhaps disappointed) that all FAs don't like them as fat as you like, or shaped the same way. You puzzle about that for a while, and then you begin to develop an appreciation for the true diversity of human preferences.

I like what Rollhandler said about the desire to fit in. That certainly explains a lot of what we feel, in relation to how we think other people feel (or how we think they should feel, etc. etc.)

Tad · 10-13-2009, 07:27 AM

First thought: how this comes about.

I think that part of where this may come from is that most of us start off feeling alone as an FA--everyone else seems to like thin people except for 'me.' We might hope that we aren't the only one, but I think most FA had at least some period of time when they only FA they knew was themself. This period is probably shorter for those who came of age since the Web became widespread, and it became possible to find out about others anonymously, but I think there would still be some time before the young FA would find that information.

So until you start to interact with other FA, your only model for what it means to be an FA is......yourself. And really, that is logical in a lot of ways, so I wouldn't call it a bad thing as a starting assumption. I guess the issue is when people become invested in that ego-centric definition of an FA, and aren't willing to accept other views of it.

Jon Blaze · 10-13-2009, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rollhandler

I consider myself a student of the human condition. As such, and from the FA perspective, I fully believe that for every size and shape and desire, there are others out there to fit it, admire it, and crave it. For every yin there is a yang etc.

So by that very logic I have also observed that by nature and nurture through experience and the process of personal growth and maturing there are as many ways of desiring BBWs and BHMs as there are FAs to experience it in the world. Many have similar tastes but for most there is some point of division that differs from the next persons.

I think this myth comes from the social need to fit in somewhere. FAs have a hard enough time fitting in with the desires that make us what we are but, to think that our specific version of FA in our manner of desire is strange or differs from every other FA might make us somehow feel that we don't belong or fit with our own social group. As such we look for those with similarities of experience and manner of preference seeking to connect with specific people that share OUR version of FA more and overlook or deny the differences to fit better with our peers instead of embracing the differences of individuality within the common factors that all FAs share. FA attraction and desire is a common experience we share individually and in different ways.

Rollhandler

Great sum up comment.

wrench13 · 10-14-2009, 01:52 AM

FA Myth # 3

More to do with FA who are 'out'. The Myth, especially amoung friends and family - "FAs find ALL fat women attractive and sexy" . Wrong. We find individual women attractive, as our tastes and wants dictate. If I have one more person ask me if Mrs Hogget from 'Babe" is sexy....

Shosh · 10-14-2009, 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wrench13

FA Myth # 3

More to do with FA who are 'out'. The Myth, especially amoung friends and family - "FAs find ALL fat women attractive and sexy" . Wrong. We find individual women attractive, as our tastes and wants dictate. If I have one more person ask me if Mrs Hogget from 'Babe" is sexy....

Magda Szubanski who played Mrs Hogget, is one of Australia's most beloved comic actors. You definately would not like her now, because she has lost a lot of weight.
This is what she looks like now.

0,,6898823,00.jpg

mergirl · 10-14-2009, 05:58 AM

I think this thread is difficult, because there may be Fa myths that we personally don't subscribe to but some Fa's might well do.. So i would say that:

Myth 4 = All Fas are the same.

I get the impression from many posts that this is something that is actually believed. Like in threads such as "Is sex with Fa's good?". Well that would depend on the Fa.. With some it would be shit.. and with others (me for example) it would be a life altering experience that would blow your mind resulting in multiple orgasms.

We are all very different, not just in our personalities but in the way we view other people and in the way we identify as fa's and relate to fat people too. I think this is an important thing to remember, lest we will forever be met with mistrust because someone met an Fa who was mean.

Tad · 10-14-2009, 06:06 AM

Just a reminder that there is another thread (a sticky) for posting proposed new myths. This one is specifically for talking about myth 1.

By the way, it is not that we made some big decision that this was the biggest myth or anything like that, it was simply an easy one that we chose.

And Mer, I think what you said may sort of be the flip side of this myth. Attracted in the same way and to the same things could probably have been simplified to "are all the same."

-Tad

marlowegarp · 10-14-2009, 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wrench13

FA Myth # 3

More to do with FA who are 'out'. The Myth, especially amoung friends and family - "FAs find ALL fat women attractive and sexy" . Wrong. We find individual women attractive, as our tastes and wants dictate. If I have one more person ask me if Mrs Hogget from 'Babe" is sexy....

I know! ARRRGH! I am 25. Kathy Bates is NOT attractive to me. Are you on crack?!

BothGunsBlazing · 10-14-2009, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marlowegarp

Kathy Bates is NOT attractive to me. Are you on crack?!

mergirl · 10-14-2009, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marlowegarp

I know! ARRRGH! I am 25. Kathy Bates is NOT attractive to me. Are you on crack?!

I think Kathy bates is hawt!!!

marlowegarp · 10-14-2009, 08:08 AM

Mer, I think, to use the words of your fellow Scot Robert Burns, your tastes "gang aft agley".

mergirl · 10-14-2009, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tad

Just a reminder that there is another thread (a sticky) for posting proposed new myths. This one is specifically for talking about myth 1.

By the way, it is not that we made some big decision that this was the biggest myth or anything like that, it was simply an easy one that we chose.

And Mer, I think what you said may sort of be the flip side of this myth. Attracted in the same way and to the same things could probably have been simplified to "are all the same."

-Tad

Ahh sorry i have my study hat on and so when i post here its because my brain is frazzled and i need a break. lmao.
I know just from my experience of talking to other fas online for about 9 years that we are turned on by fat (that sounds very objective somehow) in different ways and for different reasons. I have a friend who considers herself bi-sizual, in that she is attracted to women of all different shapes and sizes (I mean very dramatically -so she fancies people who are very thin to women who are over 400lbs). She isn't really and Fa per say and she is attracted to big women because she is submissive and the idea of someone being somehow 'more' than her appeals to her. Though, she does like the feel and look of their bodies i know that her attraction is fundimentally different from mine. Her reason for liking big women (and their fat) is because to her this greater size =dominant power. I am not a submissive-I think i have a few reasons for liking big women and liking fat (i think they might even be seperate).*Socially* I actually feel more comfortable around big women for some reason, although i have met many different bbws some of which are not in ANY way relaxing people, somehow i feel more at ease. I can't really explain this and actually before i was a bit more comfortable within myself and within my sexuality being around big women would make me nervous, if i was sexually attracted by them.
*On a physical level* I Love the different shapes that big women can be, i Love the way they move and how thier bodies are infinitly interesting to me. I love softness and curves and jiggles and everything about a fat womans body.
*Fat* I actually understand how 'parts' of bodies can be seen as sexually arousing. I loath to admit but i can see a picture or a video of a fat belly and be aroused (esp side views btw), actually Male bellies do it for me too- Fat and a belly preference over ride my gender sexuality. -In real life 1) i prefer relationships with women 2)I dont compartmentalize people into 'parts'-ie i HAVE to be attracted to their personalities as well as thinking they have a pretty face etc.
I guess the question was just about fat but i added in the other parts because for me generally 'fat' without a context is not a turn on for me. On a base level i love 'fat' when it is shaped around a body part- especially bellies, though i love fat bottoms, arms, legs..hmm everything really. I can be turned on by seeing 'art' (lmao) etc where just one part is shown. Which means of course i am a terrible pervert and deviant and in real life would like to go out with a torso!

---Nah.. all i am saying is that i wonder if all Fa's can objectify body parts in the same way i can on a fantasy level or if you have to think about the full package.
Gah! I need to study.. so no proof reading .. haha.. like i ever do!! x

mergirl · 10-14-2009, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marlowegarp

Mer, I think, to use the words of your fellow Scot Robert Burns, your tastes "gang aft agley".

Lmao! I happen to think she is a very handsom woman!! Weirdly enough i also have a 'thing' for evolutionary biologist Olivia Judson. I have no idea why.. she isn't even fat, nor an axe weilding psychopath.
Thats her in the foreground btw.

Silver Fox · 10-15-2009, 07:40 AM

I don't have a lot to add to this thread except that for me this is such an obviously ludicrous myth. It's like saying that everyone prefers chocolate ice cream over all the other flavors. There are some people who don't even like ice cream!

10-11-2009, 11:06 PM	#2
Jon Blaze Dusk Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: San Angelo, Texas Posts: 6,748	Oh that's a good one. I think the whole "Preference vs fetish" is a big subject here. I eventually evolved into thinking that FA, as a concept can exist on either level since they're extremely different. I'm actually writing a blog right now about my perception of "Curvy" as well in regards to women of all sizes, because similar to this thread, I wanted to shed some light on people that think I think like everyone else on many levels: Whether it's because I'm man, whether it's because I'm an FA, and so on... I don't know if I should post it here because it's probably going to be really long. lol __________________ Love people of all sizes!!! History is sometimes more logical than society.- Me :D "Happiness is not stopping to think if you are."- Palmer Sondreal

10-12-2009, 01:41 AM	#3
Jon Blaze Dusk Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: San Angelo, Texas Posts: 6,748	Another comment: I remember hearing a comment on Curvage where one of the posters said that he was attracted to gaining and not fat, and then I just thought to myself I'm not technically in either of those groups in themselves. Just thought it was interesting. lol __________________ Love people of all sizes!!! History is sometimes more logical than society.- Me :D "Happiness is not stopping to think if you are."- Palmer Sondreal

10-12-2009, 01:33 PM	#7
Jon Blaze Dusk Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: San Angelo, Texas Posts: 6,748	Another thing to consider for those that aren't bisizual is where your range begins. I am, but my "Thin" range is very narrow. You could almost say it's on a societal level. But my "Big" range starts just above that and ends at ssbbw. I'm sure many FAs don't, for example, start at 250 lbs for example. Also to add to the recent comments: There's nothing wrong with finding thin women attractive aesthetically speaking. lol __________________ Love people of all sizes!!! History is sometimes more logical than society.- Me :D "Happiness is not stopping to think if you are."- Palmer Sondreal

10-13-2009, 04:38 AM	#12
musicman I hate fat-haters! Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 281	As Conrad suggested above, I think it depends on where you are in your own personal journey. At first you are amazed (and perhaps overjoyed) to find that there are other guys who like fat women, so you focus on that. Then later, you are equally amazed (and perhaps disappointed) that all FAs don't like them as fat as you like, or shaped the same way. You puzzle about that for a while, and then you begin to develop an appreciation for the true diversity of human preferences. I like what Rollhandler said about the desire to fit in. That certainly explains a lot of what we feel, in relation to how we think other people feel (or how we think they should feel, etc. etc.) __________________ "He's a man of many contradictions," she observed. "He likes his pizza thin and his women fat."

10-13-2009, 07:27 AM	#13
Tad mostly harmless Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 12,614	First thought: how this comes about. I think that part of where this may come from is that most of us start off feeling alone as an FA--everyone else seems to like thin people except for 'me.' We might hope that we aren't the only one, but I think most FA had at least some period of time when they only FA they knew was themself. This period is probably shorter for those who came of age since the Web became widespread, and it became possible to find out about others anonymously, but I think there would still be some time before the young FA would find that information. So until you start to interact with other FA, your only model for what it means to be an FA is......yourself. And really, that is logical in a lot of ways, so I wouldn't call it a bad thing as a starting assumption. I guess the issue is when people become invested in that ego-centric definition of an FA, and aren't willing to accept other views of it. __________________ Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure. -Djuna Barnes, writer and artist

10-12-2009, 08:06 AM	#4
Webmaster Chief Emeritus Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Knoxville, TN area Posts: 2	I think there are two separate issues. The first one is the attraction to fat and fatness. There, I have found a very remarkable similarity of experience, desires and fantasies in FAs. When I was exploring my FA-ness, I often thought no one else could possibly feel the same way I do and thrill over the same fantasies, and then I'd find that other FAs had gone through the exact same experience, almost as if we were all running the same program. So I do believe there are some basic similarities in the way FAs experience their attraction and the power fat holds over us. The second is our individual preferences. Those can be quite varied and there are definitely those who prefer pears, apples, hourglass or some other figure type. Maybe it's a little bit like some other traits that people are attracted to in a person. For example, we can feel a basic attraction to intelligence or a sense of humor or some other trait that is really mandatory for us to click with a partner, but still have very different physical preferences.

10-12-2009, 11:46 AM	#5
James vibeout Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,710	Until I had met other FAs for whom it was a reality, I'd always kind of presumed that bisizual FAs (i.e. FAs who are equally sexually attracted to fat or thin women) weren't for real. I remembered being an awkward teenager and wishing that I was attracted to thin women as it would have made life easier at the time. It seemed to me that bisizual FAs were clinging on to a similar notion... but as I say, I have encountered enough examples of genuine bisizuality since then to know that it does legitimately exist. Some surveys on dims have put the proportion at two-thirds of FAs being bisizual but I'm not so sure its that much. Anecdotally speaking, its probably morelike 10-25% of the FAs that I've met personally that would fall into the bisizual category.

10-12-2009, 01:09 PM	#6
jonah-uk Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: London, UK Posts: 48	i certainly find a lot of thinner women very attractive, but the desire stops at looking really - there's no impetus to want to take things further

10-12-2009, 05:32 PM	#8
The Orange Mage ♓ Fishy Pisces! ♓ Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,282	certain places on the internet have enlightened me that there are those who call themselves FAs but are disgusted by double chins, hanging bellies, and cellulite. go figure.

10-12-2009, 10:48 PM	#11
rollhandler Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Northern Illinois Posts: 612	I consider myself a student of the human condition. As such, and from the FA perspective, I fully believe that for every size and shape and desire, there are others out there to fit it, admire it, and crave it. For every yin there is a yang etc. So by that very logic I have also observed that by nature and nurture through experience and the process of personal growth and maturing there are as many ways of desiring BBWs and BHMs as there are FAs to experience it in the world. Many have similar tastes but for most there is some point of division that differs from the next persons. I think this myth comes from the social need to fit in somewhere. FAs have a hard enough time fitting in with the desires that make us what we are but, to think that our specific version of FA in our manner of desire is strange or differs from every other FA might make us somehow feel that we don't belong or fit with our own social group. As such we look for those with similarities of experience and manner of preference seeking to connect with specific people that share OUR version of FA more and overlook or deny the differences to fit better with our peers instead of embracing the differences of individuality within the common factors that all FAs share. FA attraction and desire is a common experience we share individually and in different ways. Rollhandler

10-14-2009, 01:52 AM	#15
wrench13 Pirate music for sail Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: In New York City, formerly the big Apple, now the Big Target Posts: 426	FA Myth # 3 More to do with FA who are 'out'. The Myth, especially amoung friends and family - "FAs find ALL fat women attractive and sexy" . Wrong. We find individual women attractive, as our tastes and wants dictate. If I have one more person ask me if Mrs Hogget from 'Babe" is sexy....

10-14-2009, 05:58 AM	#17
mergirl Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Posts: 6,927	I think this thread is difficult, because there may be Fa myths that we personally don't subscribe to but some Fa's might well do.. So i would say that: Myth 4 = All Fas are the same. I get the impression from many posts that this is something that is actually believed. Like in threads such as "Is sex with Fa's good?". Well that would depend on the Fa.. With some it would be shit.. and with others (me for example) it would be a life altering experience that would blow your mind resulting in multiple orgasms. We are all very different, not just in our personalities but in the way we view other people and in the way we identify as fa's and relate to fat people too. I think this is an important thing to remember, lest we will forever be met with mistrust because someone met an Fa who was mean. __________________ We must learn that to passively accept an unjust system is to cooperate with that system, thereby to become a participant in its evil. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

10-14-2009, 06:06 AM	#18
Tad mostly harmless Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 12,614	Just a reminder that there is another thread (a sticky) for posting proposed new myths. This one is specifically for talking about myth 1. By the way, it is not that we made some big decision that this was the biggest myth or anything like that, it was simply an easy one that we chose. And Mer, I think what you said may sort of be the flip side of this myth. Attracted in the same way and to the same things could probably have been simplified to "are all the same." -Tad __________________ Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure. -Djuna Barnes, writer and artist

10-14-2009, 08:08 AM	#22
marlowegarp I wanna meet that dad Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Valley Village, CA Posts: 996	Mer, I think, to use the words of your fellow Scot Robert Burns, your tastes "gang aft agley". __________________ I should really learn about what people are talking about when they give these numbers. i will guess i am a 69 69 007. - Mergirl Last edited by marlowegarp; 10-14-2009 at 08:14 AM.

10-15-2009, 07:40 AM	#25
Silver Fox Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Dallas & Baton Rouge Posts: 200	I don't have a lot to add to this thread except that for me this is such an obviously ludicrous myth. It's like saying that everyone prefers chocolate ice cream over all the other flavors. There are some people who don't even like ice cream!