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Old 10-23-2009, 12:58 PM   #26
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Sandie, this isn't personalized to you -- want to be clear about that, since yours is the last post that I see in this thread. These are just my thoughts, right or wrong though they may be.

I wonder at times if women who can't get along with other women have other issues that prevent them from forming attachments/friendships. I wonder this, because the women in my life have for the most part been wonderfully supportive. If I see any cattiness, there is usually a reason involved that I can make sense of -- even if I think that the premise is faulty (jealousy, feeling threatened, etc). I know that I have a very argumentative nature at my core, but there is no malice there - mostly, it is competitive, fueled by my own desire to be "right". I admit that. And when I've had issues with other women, I've also had to acknowledge what *I've* done wrong. And when I've made sincere, heartfelt apologies for my part in misunderstandings, I find that most people (men and women) are empathetic, forgiving, and desire harmony over discourse. We all just want to be acknowledged, seen, and sometimes ... just plain fussed over. Men seem to have a harder time copping to that, in general, but I think it's true of ALL of us.

I truly do not believe that woman are any cattier than men. I agree with Lilly. It's in human nature to be just what we are ... insecure, petty, jealous ... and also loving, kind, and generous.
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Old 10-23-2009, 05:26 PM   #27
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Oh hell yeah I have issues with women. LOL For good reason.


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Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Sandie, this isn't personalized to you -- want to be clear about that, since yours is the last post that I see in this thread. These are just my thoughts, right or wrong though they may be.

I wonder at times if women who can't get along with other women have other issues that prevent them from forming attachments/friendships. I wonder this, because the women in my life have for the most part been wonderfully supportive. If I see any cattiness, there is usually a reason involved that I can make sense of -- even if I think that the premise is faulty (jealousy, feeling threatened, etc). I know that I have a very argumentative nature at my core, but there is no malice there - mostly, it is competitive, fueled by my own desire to be "right". I admit that. And when I've had issues with other women, I've also had to acknowledge what *I've* done wrong. And when I've made sincere, heartfelt apologies for my part in misunderstandings, I find that most people (men and women) are empathetic, forgiving, and desire harmony over discourse. We all just want to be acknowledged, seen, and sometimes ... just plain fussed over. Men seem to have a harder time copping to that, in general, but I think it's true of ALL of us.

I truly do not believe that woman are any cattier than men. I agree with Lilly. It's in human nature to be just what we are ... insecure, petty, jealous ... and also loving, kind, and generous.
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Old 10-23-2009, 06:27 PM   #28
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As I have said before, I don't have female friends much. I prefer man for a lot of reasons. The kattiness is #1. I don't like gossip, I don't gossip and I don't like people who gossip. It's destructive behavior. I've seen gossip destroy a marriage. So I don't believe it fun. When I worked outside of the home, most of the women in offices were just horrible. And I knew for sure if they were gossiping about others they were gossiping about me. So, I went in did my job went home. It was all I could do at times not to scream, "SHUT UP ALREADY" at the women who spent most of the day gossiping instead of working.

This topic makes me prickly.
Most women are working way below their ability since they have internalized a lot of negative crap about their ability. When women work way below their ability then they create nonsense to pass the time, and it becomes open season at work. People who are secure with themselves have less of a need to dog on others.
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Old 10-23-2009, 06:56 PM   #29
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But that's not my fault or my problem. And gossiping about me makes it my problem, and I resent that. It's not just at jobs where I have encountered this, which is another reason I have no women friends. I can't be bothered with people who love you to your face and rip you to shreds behind your back or try to undermine you relationship. Been there too many times, I'm done. I've had 3 best girlfriends in my life - they are still my besties, all I've known since grade school. I trust them, they know me, they don't gossip. For me, that's good enough. I have a best guy friend who tells me all the time - "You're just not feline enough to have tons of women friends." He knows me really well.


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Most women are working way below their ability since they have internalized a lot of negative crap about their ability. When women work way below their ability then they create nonsense to pass the time, and it becomes open season at work. People who are secure with themselves have less of a need to dog on others.
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Old 10-23-2009, 10:21 PM   #30
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I don't think it's that women are more competitive/catty than men are, I just think women just might express it differently. Men might resolve their differences with violence, you know like with a fist fight while women would be manipulative. I realize those are generalizations without justifications, but that's what it seems like to me...
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Old 10-24-2009, 12:23 AM   #31
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I do hear some catty talk with a few of the ladies at work.
The ladies that do most of it are older than I am and have worked there longer.
The younger girls not so much.We have 2 older sales ladies that really know their stuff and they nit pick on the younger ones all the time.
Being The boss of the office I hear all the bitching and moaning.
Funny all the male sales staff get along great with everybody no complaints EVER.
I think the older ladies resent me being their boss.
1.I'm younger.
2.Haven't been there as long.
3.My pay is higher.(more responsibilty of course and I'm on salary not commision)
They can be sooo bitchy sometimes so I let them set their own work hours and let them off early sometimes so that keeps them pretty quiet.
I'm firm but fair.
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Old 10-24-2009, 08:24 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Sandie_Zitkus View Post
But that's not my fault or my problem. And gossiping about me makes it my problem, and I resent that. It's not just at jobs where I have encountered this, which is another reason I have no women friends. I can't be bothered with people who love you to your face and rip you to shreds behind your back or try to undermine you relationship. Been there too many times, I'm done. I've had 3 best girlfriends in my life - they are still my besties, all I've known since grade school. I trust them, they know me, they don't gossip. For me, that's good enough. I have a best guy friend who tells me all the time - "You're just not feline enough to have tons of women friends." He knows me really well.
I never have that problem so I've nothing to compare it to. People don't usually gossip about me. When they have, most of it was true anyway so in my view that doesn't really count as gossip. I'm not ashamed of what I do and annoyng though it may be, other opinions don't matter so I never really paid much attention to it. People who don't have enough to do will often fill their hours with stories about celebrities and of what everybody else is doing. Whatever gets them through the day I say. Sometimes gossip has no sinister meaning at all, it's just something to do.

With this idea in mind it makes me wonder. Are you talking about people who out and out make stuff up about you? Or were they discussing legitimate things and you just didn't like the spin they put on it? Gossip has different meanings to different people.
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Old 10-31-2009, 08:25 PM   #33
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Lol, I have met some "catty", gossipy, petty back stabbing men in my time....it's not an exclusive woman thing.
That being said, I have been the only women in a work place full of mechanics and later one of the few. I am now working in a place that is predominantly female.
The upside? Women seem more "sensitive" about the needs of another women and can do some kind/thoughtful things for each other......some of the men I worked with just never thought of some things or didn't care.
Downside? Women can be CONTROLLING of the stupidest, littlest, mundane things......as in I roll my eyes and turn away because it will only drag me down to comment about it. I haven't ever taken note of such things in males.....even those that are "type A" personalities....they tend to not comment or attempt to control others over very small things in the same way I notice females do.

These are just my personal perceptions from time spent in the workplace and the differences I have noted in working with each gender.

In all fairness though....my mom can be very controlling....so I might have developed a particular eye for it in women.
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Old 10-31-2009, 09:33 PM   #34
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GEF, men can be just as controlling as women. That's just a universal type of thing. I've known both men and women who were like that.
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Old 10-31-2009, 09:37 PM   #35
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GEF, men can be just as controlling as women. That's just a universal type of thing. I've known both men and women who were like that.
Sure....I've met manipulative controlling men......but I've never had a guy attempt to control what stickers are in my drawer or how I staple things. Something I have only had happen in my experience with women.

Men seem more inclined to try and control how I think or feel.
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Old 10-31-2009, 09:40 PM   #36
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Old 10-31-2009, 09:54 PM   #37
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Sure....I've met manipulative controlling men......but I've never had a guy attempt to control what stickers are in my drawer or how I staple things. Something I have only had happen in my experience with women.

Men seem more inclined to try and control how I think or feel.
I see what you mean...it's kind of like the difference between controlling and manipulative. My father was both. Everything had to be done his way or it was the wrong way and because he was so charismatic he could convince people of practically anything. On the other hand there are people who need to have things done exactly the way they would do it. They micromanage everything to death. I hate that. But again, I've known both men and women like that.
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:21 PM   #38
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I truly do not believe that woman are any cattier than men. I agree with Lilly. It's in human nature to be just what we are ... insecure, petty, jealous ... and also loving, kind, and generous.
Agreed. Some of the biggest, shit-talking backstabbers I've known have been men.
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:42 PM   #39
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I honestly do not understand when girls say that they get along better with men than women. Men and women really aren't that much different, i agree with others when they say that men gossip just as much as women, but in my experience there is a good reason why girls do not get along with others of the same sex.

There are very few people i dislike, i get along with most people, sure there are people that i have to associate with at the office who i wouldn't want to hang with outside of work, and people have traits that i do not like, but i don't go out of my way to be mean and nasty, although i can't say the same for them.
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Old 11-01-2009, 02:06 AM   #40
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Most of the time women like myself are totally lost around a group of women..It's that simple...

I think if you were raised in a nearly all male environment like I was,you tend to understand men better then women,plus pick up some of their habits...I was the only female around 10 men/boys most of the time..

I am not very feminine,never have been..I only buy clothes or shoes because I need them,hardly ever because they are this year's style..I have owned the same pairs of shoes probably 7 years..I do not own a pair of heels or a dress(I can hear Ash gasping now..LOL)..I do not wear make-up and can't be bothered most of the time with how I look..I normally wear my hair two ways,really short or really long,so I don't have to style it...

I love sports and can usually spend a day talking about how a team played on Sunday or what car really did run well at Dover..I can discuss hunting and fishing but am totally lost when the talk turns to the latest trends in fashion...

I do have some female friends,not very many,some from when I was in grade school...They all know me as well as I know myself..They all tend to see me as a plain and simple person with tomboy tendencies because that is how I was raised..Not a one of them would ever say I was a frilly,girly type of person...LOL
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