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Old 10-26-2009, 12:55 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Ashley View Post
Exactly. Some women don't mind comments like this. Some (including me) even like them. He should know better than to just throw comments like that around without prior discussion, but people do make mistakes. He considers it a compliment and might not have realized that you wouldn't if he'd had prior experience with someone who did. However, you have the right to say, "You know what? This isn't okay with me." If you think he's an otherwise good guy and are interested in him outside of this particular situation, I'd say it's worth a discussion and a firm "Please don't ever call me that or anything like it again." If he doesn't immediately respect your feelings and apologize or if he says it again, tell him where to go.
I agree. Some women do see it as a compliment, and it can freely be used to describe them.

That said, it's not a comment that should be said without checking with the girl first to see how she feels about it, because all women are different. My girlfriend is fat. But I'd never call her a name related to her weight unless I'd checked with her. It's that easy.
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Old 10-26-2009, 02:22 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Ashley View Post
Exactly. Some women don't mind comments like this. Some (including me) even like them. He should know better than to just throw comments like that around without prior discussion, but people do make mistakes. He considers it a compliment and might not have realized that you wouldn't if he'd had prior experience with someone who did. However, you have the right to say, "You know what? This isn't okay with me." If you think he's an otherwise good guy and are interested in him outside of this particular situation, I'd say it's worth a discussion and a firm "Please don't ever call me that or anything like it again." If he doesn't immediately respect your feelings and apologize or if he says it again, tell him where to go.
I am sorry Ashley but I cannot conceive of any kind of situation in which any woman would want to be called a fat tub of lard.
You are a beautiful woman, stunning in fact.
How is it that you do not find that remark rude and offensive, given its general usage to degrade and humiliate fat women?
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Old 10-26-2009, 04:35 AM   #28
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No, you know what? Common knowledge dictates that the majority of women are not okay with that, no matter what their size. That's akin to having oral sex for the first time with someone and them slapping you across the face, or having sex for the first time and them trying to choke you.

Sure, there are people that like it, but if you actually care about the person, you ASK what they like rather than just shoot from the hip and go for it, and more so, you get back what you put forth. You want to bring that on without a second thought? I'm gonna bring down the hammer without a second thought. That ass would get beat.
Now, now, kate--don't you recognize true admiration when you encounter it?

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Old 10-26-2009, 05:24 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
So you're talking to an FA. He's digging you. You're digging him. He's telling you a lot of nice things: You're so hot, sexy, gorgeous, [insert choice compliment here]. Then he becomes even more specific: I love your back fat. Your belly's so round and beautiful. Your stretchmarks really turn me on. I love your fat.

Then he says, "You're such a fat tub of lard." THIS IS A COMPLIMENT.

What do you do when you're complimented with words you personally find offensive? How do you respond?
That's just terrible! Tell him you don't like being compared to something greasy that is used to fry chicken. Then leave. Who knows what the next thing he'll say later on in the relationship.

The reason why I say this rather than just telling him to fuck off and leave is that maybe he'll choose his words more carefully the next time he talks to a woman.
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Old 10-26-2009, 07:24 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by Susannah View Post
I am sorry Ashley but I cannot conceive of any kind of situation in which any woman would want to be called a fat tub of lard.
You are a beautiful woman, stunning in fact.
How is it that you do not find that remark rude and offensive, given its general usage to degrade and humiliate fat women?
She said that she doesn't mind the term, and I think it's safe to assume this is within the confines of her own relationships and not something she'd be OK with hearing from someone that she doesn't know and trust. I don't think it's fair to imply that Ashley is lacking in self-esteem because she's turned on by fat pejoratives when used by a lover. I'm sure that she's already aware that she's an attractive woman.

That said, I agree with the advise given to the OP that this is a huge red flag. If I really liked the guy, and he offered a REALLY GOOD explanation (which looks something like this, and includes a lot of ass-kissing: "my last girlfriend really LOVED being called a 'fat tub of lard' and I'm a clueless moron who doesn't know his ass from bass and PLEASE FORGIVE ME I'm soooooooooooooo sorry what can I do to make it up to you") I may overlook the first incident. There wouldn't be a second one, though.
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Old 10-26-2009, 07:56 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by Susannah View Post
I cannot conceive of any kind of situation in which any woman would want to be called a fat tub of lard.
Okay, Susannah, look.

I know you have trouble understanding what other people might like that you do not, but it DOES happen. It doesn't matter if you can conceive a situation where a woman might like something like that-- said situations actually exist, even if you cannot think of them.

ANYWAY. Here's my general response. I would not immediately get up and walk out. As other people have said in this thread, it is possible that the person has yet to have a relationship where that kind of talk don't fly, and as soon as you let said person know, they stop. I would give it another chance, or gauge the person's response to my request before I walked out in a huff.

Personally? I like some "name calling," but this one isn't really up my alley. My course of action would be to attempt to guide the person's vocabulary towards the things I more like to hear.
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Old 10-26-2009, 08:45 AM   #32
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Okay, speaking as someone who does the name-calling?

I don't do it until I know that's what the other person likes. Because... wait for it... I don't assume that everyone shares my fantasies. How is that difficult?

Is the conversation about personal limits a little awkward, and not very sexy? Yes. Sexier, however, than a big fight resulting in the other person never talking to you again.
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Old 10-26-2009, 08:50 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by Susannah View Post
I am sorry Ashley but I cannot conceive of any kind of situation in which any woman would want to be called a fat tub of lard.
You are a beautiful woman, stunning in fact.
How is it that you do not find that remark rude and offensive, given its general usage to degrade and humiliate fat women?

Susannah to some people at the right time it may not be degrading..To each their own..If she likes it then that is how she feels...We all have different things we like at different times..

I personally feel this guy is kind of feeling the waters to see what he can get away with saying..It might be a big turn on to him but he hasn't realized that it is a turn off to a lot of women..Hell if nothing else you might save a woman down the road a lot of headache by teaching him it is not acceptable!
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Old 10-26-2009, 09:53 AM   #34
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Last guy that called me a fat tub of lard was stabbed.
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:05 AM   #35
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I know this is the BBW board, but I suspect that if you asked the same question on the BHM/FFA board you’d get a similar set of reactions to what you see here….. I don’t think this is a gender thing, I think this is somebody crossing the line in a way that very few fat folk would welcome.
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:09 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
She said that she doesn't mind the term, and I think it's safe to assume this is within the confines of her own relationships and not something she'd be OK with hearing from someone that she doesn't know and trust. I don't think it's fair to imply that Ashley is lacking in self-esteem because she's turned on by fat pejoratives when used by a lover. I'm sure that she's already aware that she's an attractive woman.

That said, I agree with the advise given to the OP that this is a huge red flag. If I really liked the guy, and he offered a REALLY GOOD explanation (which looks something like this, and includes a lot of ass-kissing: "my last girlfriend really LOVED being called a 'fat tub of lard' and I'm a clueless moron who doesn't know his ass from bass and PLEASE FORGIVE ME I'm soooooooooooooo sorry what can I do to make it up to you") I may overlook the first incident. There wouldn't be a second one, though.
Who said she was lacking in self esteem? I was just stating that she is beautiful.
Don't read your own interpretation into it because It is I who has written it and you wish to go after me at every turn.
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:12 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by Susannah View Post
I am sorry Ashley but I cannot conceive of any kind of situation in which any woman would want to be called a fat tub of lard.
You are a beautiful woman, stunning in fact.
How is it that you do not find that remark rude and offensive, given its general usage to degrade and humiliate fat women?
Everyone is different. You won't necessarily like the same things, which is why you won't like the same men. What you find offensive is a turn-on for her. She might feel differently about something you like. We all have different tastes.
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:17 AM   #38
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Who said she was lacking in self esteem? I was just stating that she is beautiful.
Don't read your own interpretation into it because It is I who has written it and you wish to go after me at every turn.
Susannah, this isn't about you, ok? A person can disagree with you without it being an attack on your character. I thought that it was fairly obvious what you were getting at. Otherwise, the "you're a stunning beauty" wouldn't have factored into what you wrote at all, certainly not in this context. If this isn't what you meant, perhaps you can explain in better detail, since I'm sure I'm not the only person who is confused.
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Old 10-26-2009, 11:00 AM   #39
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maahhn...i thought i was socially awkward at 16.. but that would end at some stammering and blushing -There is no way i would put this down to social inexperience;You would have to just KNOW that calling a woman that is not acceptable (Unless you have discussed it and its HER thing). See to be honest, i don't know if i could BE with a woman who wanted me to call her that. It would feel really wrong for so many reasons to me. I think a guy who calls you this during the first time you are having sex does not respect you or women in general. The fact that he would asume someone would like to be called that means that he is putting his own pleasure before the feelings of another person and is a cock and should be kicked out of bed for farting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 10-26-2009, 11:25 AM   #40
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I think some of the reactions to the comment have been extreme. Kay, the fact that you posted about his comment means you didn't like it. The key word here being YOU! nobody else's thoughts or opinions matter in this - if you're not comfortable with it then its not a compliment. Tell him, be very clear about how offensive you find that, and if he gets it keep him and if he doesn't, kick him to the curb.
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Old 10-26-2009, 11:27 AM   #41
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Okay, as someone who is into that kind of stuff (although fat tub of lard is extremely unsexy, imo) I'd still be pissed if someone said something like that without clearing it with me. Like, socially awkward my ass. My boyfriend is 18, had one girlfriend before me and has never dated a BBW until me, and he never did anything like this.. he cleared everything before because that's like.. common sense. Unless this guy has been living in a cave his entire life, he should know better.
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Old 10-26-2009, 11:48 AM   #42
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Last guy that called me a fat tub of lard was stabbed.
So I take it I can't let that one slip and pass it off as a heat of passion thing? Sexy beast is still alright though?

Weighing in as a guy.. It's not my experience that anybody likes to be referenced in a less than complimentary manner without previous solicitation. I mean really how many guys would expect to walk up to a girl and call her a dirty slut in casual conversation and have her take it as a compliment? You might get one out of a thousand girls that fawn over being talked to like that. But most don't, most women are going to consider it way too familiar and any guy that uses a derogatory line like that should expect to strike out more often than not.

I think part of it is that tub of lard is so harsh... there are a dozen other borderline phrases that are not nearly as inflamatory. But I don't even like to call a girl bubble butt if I'm not sure how she'll react.
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Old 10-26-2009, 12:37 PM   #43
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So I take it I can't let that one slip and pass it off as a heat of passion thing?
Not if you want to live to tell about it.
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Old 10-26-2009, 12:48 PM   #44
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Not if you want to live to tell about it.
That's what I figured. But you're going to be the death of me anyway I figure.
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Old 10-26-2009, 12:59 PM   #45
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Okay, Susannah, look.

I know you have trouble understanding what other people might like that you do not, but it DOES happen. It doesn't matter if you can conceive a situation where a woman might like something like that-- said situations actually exist, even if you cannot think of them.

ANYWAY. Here's my general response. I would not immediately get up and walk out. As other people have said in this thread, it is possible that the person has yet to have a relationship where that kind of talk don't fly, and as soon as you let said person know, they stop. I would give it another chance, or gauge the person's response to my request before I walked out in a huff.

Personally? I like some "name calling," but this one isn't really up my alley. My course of action would be to attempt to guide the person's vocabulary towards the things I more like to hear.
I agree with everything said above.
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Old 10-26-2009, 01:26 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Susannah, this isn't about you, ok? A person can disagree with you without it being an attack on your character. I thought that it was fairly obvious what you were getting at. Otherwise, the "you're a stunning beauty" wouldn't have factored into what you wrote at all, certainly not in this context. If this isn't what you meant, perhaps you can explain in better detail, since I'm sure I'm not the only person who is confused.
Look don't trot that nonsense out again. Not that I need to explain it but I have often been very taken with how beautiful Ashley is when I have looked at photos of her. She is quite striking. I was saying so.

Once again you are interpreting it in your own way.
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Old 10-26-2009, 01:27 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by LisaInNC View Post
Last guy that called me a fat tub of lard was stabbed.
Hahahaha!
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Old 10-26-2009, 01:28 PM   #48
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exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!
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Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
So you're talking to an FA. He's digging you. You're digging him. He's telling you a lot of nice things: You're so hot, sexy, gorgeous, [insert choice compliment here]. Then he becomes even more specific: I love your back fat. Your belly's so round and beautiful. Your stretchmarks really turn me on. I love your fat.

Then he says, "You're such a fat tub of lard." THIS IS A COMPLIMENT.

What do you do when you're complimented with words you personally find offensive? How do you respond?
tell him to fuck off. stuff like that is over the line without clearing it with you first - always. regardless, you wouldn't clear it with a retard.
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Old 10-26-2009, 01:32 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by Susannah View Post
Look don't trot that nonsense out again. Not that I need to explain it but I have often been very taken with how beautiful Ashley is when I have looked at photos of her. She is quite striking. I was saying so.

Once again you are interpreting it in your own way.
Susannah, nothing that I've written is "nonsense" -- that reads, actually, like a personal attack; and if you read again without defensive posturing, you'll see that I've actually asked you to clarify, since that sentence didn't make sense (to ME) in the context in which you offered it.
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Old 10-26-2009, 01:42 PM   #50
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sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!sweet&fat has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Seriously, take your fight somewhere else you guys. I am so utterly sick of every thread that has a whiff of interesting conversation being killed by personal in-fighting. Stop please.
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