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Old 10-26-2009, 01:47 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by sweet&fat View Post
Seriously, take your fight somewhere else you guys. I am so utterly sick of every thread that has a whiff of interesting conversation being killed by personal in-fighting. Stop please.
Yep. If there's no chance of there being a bikini-clad cage match on which I can bet copious amounts of money, take it outside, please.
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Old 10-26-2009, 04:31 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
So you're talking to an FA. He's digging you. You're digging him. He's telling you a lot of nice things: You're so hot, sexy, gorgeous, [insert choice compliment here]. Then he becomes even more specific: I love your back fat. Your belly's so round and beautiful. Your stretchmarks really turn me on. I love your fat.

Then he says, "You're such a fat tub of lard." THIS IS A COMPLIMENT.

What do you do when you're complimented with words you personally find offensive? How do you respond?
Pull them up on it. Totally say - "Look I know that *you* might find that hot or complimentary. But I don't. Don't call me that 'tub of lard' thing. Never. Ever."

If there's a repeat offence - then dump 'em.
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Old 10-26-2009, 05:05 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by Tracii View Post
Well that would finish the date for me.I'd walk out.
As well you might be expected to.

I've no interest in such language even in fiction (a;though I do know some writers do use such terms). And I can see it being uaed consnsually with a partner who likes it. Personally I wouldn't and find it demeaning.
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Old 10-26-2009, 05:19 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by StarWitness View Post
Okay, speaking as someone who does the name-calling?

I don't do it until I know that's what the other person likes. Because... wait for it... I don't assume that everyone shares my fantasies. How is that difficult?

Is the conversation about personal limits a little awkward, and not very sexy? Yes. Sexier, however, than a big fight resulting in the other person never talking to you again.
This^ *applause* *throws roses* (you're not allergic are you?)
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Old 10-26-2009, 05:22 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by NoWayOut View Post
Everyone is different. You won't necessarily like the same things, which is why you won't like the same men. What you find offensive is a turn-on for her. She might feel differently about something you like. We all have different tastes.
The same man can say and do different things to please different partners with different needs / kinks / feelings... Y'know, if he cares for her and listens to her and shiz... just sayin' ....
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Old 10-26-2009, 05:58 PM   #56
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Default The Language They Forced On Us....

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Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
What do you do when you're complimented with words you personally find offensive? How do you respond?
A lot of us grew up in environs where the only language taught about fatness was negative and composed of chestnuts like the one you mentioned. Some have decided to take such terms by the horns and hijack them back, such as FATASS PDX.

I have a feeling that a lot of men stumble into fat porn before they stumble into the fat-acceptance movement. I was lucky enough to have it happen the other way around. But from the few times I've ventured into the genre, I have heard references that are pretty dicey, which perpetuate stereotypes rather than breaking out of them.

If you sense this man's affections are true, tell him this, but make it clear that he is speaking the enemy's language. Ask him if he thinks of himself as fat-positive, a lover of fat partners, and if he says yes, then make it a teaching moment to let him know the ways he can refer to you, and to your body's physicality, which bring the most joy to you. Let him know there's a war out there, and put it to him which side he wants to be on, and that his words are a part of that choice.
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Old 10-26-2009, 06:10 PM   #57
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makes about as much sense as being like;

"hey baby you're so beautiful, i love your personality, you're really a DIRTY DIRTY GIRL AREN'T YOU"
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Old 10-26-2009, 07:00 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
tell him to fuck off. stuff like that is over the line without clearing it with you first - always. regardless, you wouldn't clear it with a retard.
i hate when you make sense.
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Old 10-26-2009, 07:20 PM   #59
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Not a compliment in my book, either, but I think it merits discussing rather than shutting the door. Unless he does insensitive things like that all the time.
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Old 10-26-2009, 08:04 PM   #60
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Are you f#$%ing kidding me!?

Its comments such as that one, that makes me wonder if he an FA by choice, or by pure social ineptitude.

Oh boy, sounds like another musing for me...

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Old 10-26-2009, 10:52 PM   #61
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I'm rather surprised that others have experienced something of the same. No, I don't think he's a horrible person. Yes, I will talk to him. I probably would've said something when it happened, but y'know how it goes...
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Old 10-26-2009, 11:01 PM   #62
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Default fat tub of lard

that statement is not a compliment and I don,t see how anyone could find that to be a compliment.there is nothing nice about saying someone is a fat tub of lard.
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Old 10-27-2009, 02:35 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by Elfcat View Post

I have a feeling that a lot of men stumble into fat porn before they stumble into the fat-acceptance movement. I was lucky enough to have it happen the other way around. But from the few times I've ventured into the genre, I have heard references that are pretty dicey, which perpetuate stereotypes rather than breaking out of them.
Yeah, but most men run into an actual live, breathing woman before they experience fat porn, like...I dunno, their mama for instance. Perhaps a teacher. Perhaps grandma. Perhaps their bus driver. Whatever. Chances are...the same place the guy learned to tell a girl she's beautiful and how to win her over and how to politely garner her affections and attention, also taught him not to call her a FAT TUB OF LARD during a passionate moment! Jesus!

Unless his mom is Joan Crawford, I'm pretty sure he has no good excuse as to why he has diarrhea of the mouth and a seriously fucked up view of the female of the species.
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Old 10-27-2009, 04:31 AM   #64
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Yep. If there's no chance of there being a bikini-clad cage match on which I can bet copious amounts of money, take it outside, please.
mmm..bikini clad cage match you say?? .....
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Old 10-27-2009, 05:05 AM   #65
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You proceed as follows...



Then, you swiftly kick him in the nads and "lol".
"Oh, haha, your dicks lard now!"

You'll have to excuse me, I've had one too many cups of coffee with my percocet.
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Old 10-27-2009, 09:07 AM   #66
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Either he's making some gross misassumption he can talk to you that way that he got from viewing porn (as Elfcat theorized) or he's just a disrespectful creep. Either way it's highly suspect. You've already gotten plenty input on this, Kayrae.

BTW, anyone going to see Fat Tub of Lard 2? It's opening soon.
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Old 10-27-2009, 09:47 AM   #67
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if only porn like that existed
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:11 AM   #68
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Yeah, but most men run into an actual live, breathing woman before they experience fat porn, like...I dunno, their mama for instance. Perhaps a teacher. Perhaps grandma. Perhaps their bus driver. Whatever. Chances are...the same place the guy learned to tell a girl she's beautiful and how to win her over and how to politely garner her affections and attention, also taught him not to call her a FAT TUB OF LARD during a passionate moment! Jesus!

Unless his mom is Joan Crawford, I'm pretty sure he has no good excuse as to why he has diarrhea of the mouth and a seriously fucked up view of the female of the species.
I'm gonna take a wiiiild guess and assume the guy was thinking with his penis, which means that he was thinking about nothing but sex, which then means the fact that the person he was talking to is a person took a back seat to "other things."
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:30 AM   #69
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oops......
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:42 AM   #70
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BTW, anyone going to see Fat Tub of Lard 2? It's opening soon.
Hmm, not sure. I dont think anything could be better than "Filthy fat sluts 10"
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:48 AM   #71
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Hmm, not sure. I dont think anything could be better than "Filthy fat sluts 10"
I think I would like to be a Filthy Fat Slut, at the very least it implies that I am person, as opposed to being a fat tub of lard. That implies I am an inanimate object being used as a receptacle. At least that's how I see it.
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:52 AM   #72
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I think I would like to be a Filthy Fat Slut, at the very least it implies that I am person, as opposed to being a fat tub of lard. That implies I am an inanimate object being used as a receptacle. At least that's how I see it.
Yeah...thats why i liked the film "Filthy fat sluts 10"..it was really quite romantic.. plus containers filled with substances just dont get me off!
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Old 10-27-2009, 11:20 AM   #73
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that statement is not a compliment and I don,t see how anyone could find that to be a compliment.there is nothing nice about saying someone is a fat tub of lard.
Just as a counterpoint, I'd like to direct you to Ashley's post earlier in the thread.
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Old 10-27-2009, 11:26 AM   #74
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Hmm, not sure. I dont think anything could be better than "Filthy fat sluts 10"
Well, apparently you've never seen Filthy Fat Sluts 13. Pity.

-

In that situation I would walk around the room like a zombie and say, "ME SO HUNGRY. ME WANT FAT TUB OF KICK YOUR ASS."

--

I'm interested in Kayrae's experience. Was this on IM? The phone? During a make out session?

I once said "I love your fat thighs" in the heat of the moment without 'clearing' it first. It didn't go over well at all. It's not as bad as "F.T.O.L.", but to most girls it's still pretty terrible.

Anyway, life's funny. I hope you're laughing at the situation.
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Old 10-27-2009, 11:45 AM   #75
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Well, apparently you've never seen Filthy Fat Sluts 13. Pity.

-

In that situation I would walk around the room like a zombie and say, "ME SO HUNGRY. ME WANT FAT TUB OF KICK YOUR ASS."

--

I'm interested in Kayrae's experience. Was this on IM? The phone? During a make out session?

I once said "I love your fat thighs" in the heat of the moment without 'clearing' it first. It didn't go over well at all. It's not as bad as "F.T.O.L.", but to most girls it's still pretty terrible.

Anyway, life's funny. I hope you're laughing at the situation.
I own that on blu ray....good stuff
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