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Old 10-30-2009, 09:53 AM   #1
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Default Do you really, from the bottom of your heart, love being a fat girl?

I've had a seriously difficult few weeks which is probably why I've freaked out so badly over an episode of Oprah. Star Jones, I think she's called, had gastric bypass and listening to her talking about how miserable she was as a fat girl, and how well she hid it, and just seeing how incredibly, terrifyingly different and happy she is now...it just got me thinking really hard about how many fat women honestly, really love their fat bodies and wouldn't change them if they were given the opportunity. I've thought about it, thought about how I feel about my own fat body, and I know i wouldn't change my own. I'm not trying to be all smug and holier than thou by saying this, its been a difficult journey getting to this point. And I get that there are women who do not love their fat bodies, who are coming to grips with the hatred spewed at that them on the regular. But I cannot stand it when fat women in the spotlight claim to be completely in love with their curves and then do a complete turn around, loose a few hundred kilos and are suddenly gushing about how they've seen the light, how beautiful they are now, how amazing life is all of a sudden. Because every word they utter about how much they lied to themselves and others about loving their fat makes my lifestyle and the choices I have made look like cowardice, look like I've settled for a life and body I actually love thank you very much! I'm probably a shallow, studpid cow for getting angry but I am - I'm so, so angry. Somebody please give me some perspective and help me calm down, poke fun at me or something cos I just feel so hugely let down.
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Old 10-30-2009, 10:37 AM   #2
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Yes! And no.

I had a completely miserable childhood partly because of my fat (I won't go into other family dysfunction, which didn't help). I got a hard time from almost everyone around me, from family to many supposed friends, fellow church members, teachers, random kids and adults. Everywhere really. Didn't help that I grew up at a time when there weren't really plus-size clothes and that was because there really weren't a lot of plus-size people, either. So I stood out, and not in a good way. I really don't have many good memories from my childhood or teen years, and I disliked my body -- hated it, really -- until I decided to change the way I felt about my bod at 33 years of age.

Aside from that, the pain and mobility problems really suck the big watoosie. Those are the times that I dislike my body, when I have problems and pain walking and moving, and limitations on just how much of that I can do, and that it has affected my health (high blood pressure and VT, a heart condition, as well as insulin resistance). Traveling is horrible most of the time, frankly, and it is the one time I will look over at some very thin woman on an airplane seat, legs folded and knees up, reading a book, and feel envious. I would LOVE to have so much room on an airplane, where on my last trip a few weeks ago, part of the arm bruised and cut my hip and ripped a favorite dress. It's just a miserable experience that can take weeks to recover from, given the fibro and cf. It also negatively affects my husband, too, as he gets to push my ass around airport terminals on a wheelchair, occasionally at breakneck speeds. Did I mention I hate the way my size impacts my experiences traveling?

What I love about being fat is that I believe my size is part of my presence. Since I really came into my own about who I am and the shy girl grew into a woman who knows herself and who is unafraid to be who I am my fatness has become part of that. It's part of my identity and also is one of the things that makes me memorable (for better and for worse, but I focus on the better, and those who want to see my fat as a negative can suck wind).

Also, I love the way my body feels. I'm one of those fat people who likes to feel my own skin sometimes (though not really in public; that's a little weird...) and I'll warm my hands under my breasts or belly. Having naturally very soft, silky skin, and being fat (and the soft kind of fat, to boot) runs in the family, and I'm no exception. Some parts of my skin and body are so soft that, as a sensualist at heart, I can't help but feel myself absentmindedly, almost -- like on the underneath, tender parts of my arms, as one example. I know I sound weird in that way, and I don't do it obsessively or all the time, thank goodness. Part and parcel of that is the way my husband revels in the feel of my body. It seems to send him into another realm and I really like that a lot.

So, good and bad, positives and negatives. I know I do need to lose weight for my health; I can feel it and sometimes my heart does weird and scary things. That's the worst. Honestly, if I could be really fat and not have it affect my health, mobility or pain levels and have a society that is really accommodating (like with the dreaded traveling situation), I would love it without reservation. But do I hate my fat body like Star Jones hated hers? Nope. I love my fat bod; it's just tempered by the difficulties.
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Old 10-30-2009, 11:10 AM   #3
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Yes! And no.

I had a completely miserable childhood partly because of my fat (I won't go into other family dysfunction, which didn't help). I got a hard time from almost everyone around me, from family to many supposed friends, fellow church members, teachers, random kids and adults. Everywhere really. Didn't help that I grew up at a time when there weren't really plus-size clothes and that was because there really weren't a lot of plus-size people, either. So I stood out, and not in a good way. I really don't have many good memories from my childhood or teen years, and I disliked my body -- hated it, really -- until I decided to change the way I felt about my bod at 33 years of age.

Aside from that, the pain and mobility problems really suck the big watoosie. Those are the times that I dislike my body, when I have problems and pain walking and moving, and limitations on just how much of that I can do, and that it has affected my health (high blood pressure and VT, a heart condition, as well as insulin resistance). Traveling is horrible most of the time, frankly, and it is the one time I will look over at some very thin woman on an airplane seat, legs folded and knees up, reading a book, and feel envious. I would LOVE to have so much room on an airplane, where on my last trip a few weeks ago, part of the arm bruised and cut my hip and ripped a favorite dress. It's just a miserable experience that can take weeks to recover from, given the fibro and cf. It also negatively affects my husband, too, as he gets to push my ass around airport terminals on a wheelchair, occasionally at breakneck speeds. Did I mention I hate the way my size impacts my experiences traveling?

What I love about being fat is that I believe my size is part of my presence. Since I really came into my own about who I am and the shy girl grew into a woman who knows herself and who is unafraid to be who I am my fatness has become part of that. It's part of my identity and also is one of the things that makes me memorable (for better and for worse, but I focus on the better, and those who want to see my fat as a negative can suck wind).

Also, I love the way my body feels. I'm one of those fat people who likes to feel my own skin sometimes (though not really in public; that's a little weird...) and I'll warm my hands under my breasts or belly. Having naturally very soft, silky skin, and being fat (and the soft kind of fat, to boot) runs in the family, and I'm no exception. Some parts of my skin and body are so soft that, as a sensualist at heart, I can't help but feel myself absentmindedly, almost -- like on the underneath, tender parts of my arms, as one example. I know I sound weird in that way, and I don't do it obsessively or all the time, thank goodness. Part and parcel of that is the way my husband revels in the feel of my body. It seems to send him into another realm and I really like that a lot.

So, good and bad, positives and negatives. I know I do need to lose weight for my health; I can feel it and sometimes my heart does weird and scary things. That's the worst. Honestly, if I could be really fat and not have it affect my health, mobility or pain levels and have a society that is really accommodating (like with the dreaded traveling situation), I would love it without reservation. But do I hate my fat body like Star Jones hated hers? Nope. I love my fat bod; it's just tempered by the difficulties.
This, absolutely!! I really couldn't have said it better, from the childhood to touching my soft body parts. I love my arm flaps too, Tina. They are a bit embarassing in front of my studetns, if I'm pointing at somethig, but they are so soft, and slightly ticklish. I think I am cute, but not beautiful, but I don't know if I would be "beautiful" thin either. I have tried pretty much everything to lose weight, including WLS, and I'm still fat. I think someone is trying to tell me something. I would like to lose only enough weight to keep my co-morbidities under control, and that's it. I love my softness and thickness. I don't know if I would know how to be if I were thin.
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Old 10-30-2009, 11:15 AM   #4
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Tina pretty much said it all for me. I love the feel of my soft body and skin. I love owning my own beauty and standing apart from the crowd. I love the parts of my personality and character that have developed or been strengthened as a result of existing as a fat woman (inner strength, independence, etc.). I love looking in a full-length mirror and seeing miles of lovely curves. But yes, the physical limitations my fat put on me are sometimes a real drag. Some days are just quietly painful, when my knees hurt or my back aches, and some days I'm filled with frustration and resentment about the things I can no longer do, or can do but not without major preparation and consideration, like air travel, as Tina illustrated.

Most days, though, I'm pretty content, and life in this fat body is good. So I totally get why you're angry at the weight loss celebrities, Tau. Why is it so hard to be happy in your new place without trashing where you were? I don't get it. It infuriates me, because I feel like every time they trash themselves pre-weight loss, they're helping to confirm people's suspicions that fat people are secretly miserable and all wish we were thin. Not the case at all.
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Old 10-30-2009, 11:24 AM   #5
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Since I've never been thin I don't know any other way. I've thought about what my body would be like at a size 6 or 8 and it just seems so utterly foreign to me that it is a bit difficult to comprehend. I like my body in that it belongs to me, it's mine and it's the only one I have, but I do have days where I hate the aches and pains I'm sure I wouldn't have if I were a size 8. I hate the discrimination and bullying treatment that fat people receive in the world at large and I always thought that it wasn't me who was the problem but the rest of society. They should be trying to accommodate me, not the other way around.

As for celebrities, what Star Jones does really isn't a reflection of you. Like most fat female celebrities after a while the pressure to fit in and toe the line becomes too much and they loose weight. They want to get parts and respect in hollywood and that's what they feel they need to do to get it. At the end of the day it's her body and she has to live in it. Being fat is just not easy and that is something I don't like. I wish it were.
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Old 10-30-2009, 11:25 AM   #6
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I don't enjoy being as big as I am at the moment, but I would be completely happy being around 250. That being said...being fat does not make me happy, rather I can be happy and fat at the same time. I've always been fat so I don't have anything to compare it to. If you don't know sadness can you truly be happy and vice versa.

So I guess my answer is no. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either...it just IS.
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Old 10-30-2009, 11:53 AM   #7
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I'd probably change, somewhat. And, I do believe I could, if I were willing to put in the time and energy, which I seem unwilling to do most of the time. I'd be really interested in knowing what I'd look and feel like much thinner, and then again in between the much thinner and the size I am now. It would be fascinating.

I'd still have my tiny baby hands, though.
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Old 10-30-2009, 12:38 PM   #8
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I like the others feel that Tina really articulated how I feel about being fat. Just like all aspects of life there are things that are really awesome and things that really piss me off.

I do think that there is a fair amount of women who are fat and hate their body and hide this fact. That shouldn't negate the fact that there is a growing group of women who are loving themselves and embracing their bodies, fat, thin, or otherwise. I really think that is the most any of us can hope for...self acceptance.

And don't listen to Starr Jones...she's a bobble head doll that talks way too much for everyone's good.
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Old 10-30-2009, 01:20 PM   #9
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I might like to trade in my aches and pains--though those are 1/2 age and 1/2 heft, I think. They make it hard to exercise, which in turns makes it more difficult for my body to find a good balance.

But even if I could magically be thinner, I'm not sure I could maintain it.

The reality is that I am the person I am and have the body I have because of the sum total of my life exactly as it's been lived. I'm sure there are people for whom being a certain size changes absolutely everything, but I frankly can't imagine how that would work in my life, given every single factor at work in it.

You can't separate the body from the person. I don't buy that Star Jones's life is all wonderful--maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but she certainly claimed to be happy before... do I believe her now? She's a TV star suffering from perfectionism and from the need to promote her career. Her life and her fickle whims have nothing to do with my life.

What I'd never want is to buy into the idea that I *have* to be a size or shape other than I am--whether fatter or thinner than I am.

I'm at peace with my size. I don't blame all of my problems on it. Realistically speaking, if I were thinner, I'd be a little better off in terms of pain- and health-management, though I may also be worse off on other counts. I manage my life as best as I can on a daily basis. I don't see a need to blame all my problems on size, though it's important to find a responsible balance and to not bury my head in the sand about the impact of my size on my life.

Note: I'll add that I think WLS might absolutely be a life-saver for some people whose health and lack of mobility make the effort of living truly a case of diminishing returns.
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Old 10-30-2009, 03:17 PM   #10
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no.................................................. ..
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Old 10-30-2009, 03:33 PM   #11
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no.................................................. ..
lol I love this answer, goofy.

Truth be told, after writing in my post above that I am "at peace with my size," I think that the more direct answer to this particular question might be "No, I don't love being a fat girl," like you.

What is there to love about it? Or to hate about it? BigBellySSBBW touched on this...

What is there to be at peace about? Do thin people get asked if they love being thin? Do tall people spend a lot of time coming to feel "at peace" with their tallness?

Why are fat people always accosted with the necessity of having to consider or think about or "accept" their bodies? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why can't we simply be, and enjoy being?
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Old 10-30-2009, 03:39 PM   #12
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lol I love this answer, goofy.

Truth be told, after writing in my post above that I am "at peace with my size," I think that the more direct answer to this particular question might be "No, I don't love being a fat girl," like you.

What is there to love about it? Or to hate about it? BigBellySSBBW touched on this...

What is there to be at peace about? Do thin people get asked if they love being thin? Do tall people spend a lot of time coming to feel "at peace" with their tallness?

Why are fat people always accosted with the necessity of having to consider or think about or "accept" their bodies? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why can't we simply be, and enjoy being?
Exactly. It is what it is, and that's that. ya know? lol
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Old 10-30-2009, 03:47 PM   #13
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No. But this is the body that I do have, so I accept it.
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Old 10-30-2009, 03:54 PM   #14
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lol I love this answer, goofy.

Truth be told, after writing in my post above that I am "at peace with my size," I think that the more direct answer to this particular question might be "No, I don't love being a fat girl," like you.

What is there to love about it? Or to hate about it? BigBellySSBBW touched on this...

What is there to be at peace about? Do thin people get asked if they love being thin? Do tall people spend a lot of time coming to feel "at peace" with their tallness?

Why are fat people always accosted with the necessity of having to consider or think about or "accept" their bodies? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why can't we simply be, and enjoy being?
I think the difference is that thinness and tallness, generally speaking (and not referring to extreme tallness or thinness), don't affect a person's life in the way being significantly fat can. I mean, like it or not, it touches most aspects of my life in one way or another, and maybe that's a difference between fat and supersized? I don't know. But whether anyone has ever asked me if I've made peace with my body or not is irrelevant, it's absolutely something I've had to do.
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Old 10-30-2009, 04:23 PM   #15
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I have to agree with Carrie, Lizzy. It's all a matter of opinion and perspective of course, but the way I see it...
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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
What is there to love about it? Or to hate about it? BigBellySSBBW touched on this...

What is there to be at peace about? Do thin people get asked if they love being thin? Do tall people spend a lot of time coming to feel "at peace" with their tallness?
Fact is, average people don't *need* to think about or come to terms with issues based upon their looks because they are the norm. What's to think about? As fat people, generally disdained by society and presumed not to be sexually desirable and deserving of praise, respect, or even of the title "human being," at some point just for our own survival and peace of mind we might decide to toss away those societal notions of who we are supposed to be and decide who we actually are. Some fat people didn't have a painful past, though I think there are very few who didn't pay for their size in some way. And some also have always known who they were and felt positive about how they looked at whatever size. That was not my experience, and so therefore I decided to replace the shit messages and warped mirror I received from the external world with different messages that came from within, from me, and from perspectives I chose to receive.
Quote:
Why are fat people always accosted with the necessity of having to consider or think about or "accept" their bodies? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why can't we simply be, and enjoy being?
Sounds like you and I have had vastly different experiences. If you never really and truly suffered from the world for being fat than bless you. I truly am glad, Lizzy. You don't deserve it. Frankly, none of us do.

In my own life, I've never felt "accosted with the necessity of having to consider or think about or "accept" their [my] bodies [body]. It wasn't unpleasant to see myself in a better, more positive light; it was a relief. It was more that those who took issue with my body and how much space I took up made me feel accosted just simply for being.

If, in my life, growing up as a child, teen and young adult, I could have just simply 'been' and simply "enjoyed being," then things might be different. But when simply being includes walking down the street, enjoying the sun, feeling just like anyone else -- just being -- and then one is accosted by hollered epithets and disdainful laughter, it brings one back to reality: "oh yeah, I forgot, I'm a freak." I clearly remember feeling just that way, thinking just that to myself, when just that scenario happened.

If fat would have always been acceptable -- the norm, while I was growing up, there'd be nothing to think about. Though I still believe I'd love my softness, and so would Eric.
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Old 10-30-2009, 05:03 PM   #16
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I don't love it from the bottom of my heart. But, I have grown to love it...at least somewhat. I also like the way my skin feels and how soft I am to touch. Sometimes I feel quite lucsious, if that makes any sense.

But every now and then, when I see a program where someone has "seen the light" about their weight I do wonder. Does not last long though
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Old 10-30-2009, 05:07 PM   #17
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I like most of my body most of the time. I want to get rid of the deflated skinflaps and the midriff blob, however. Then I'd be really, really happy with it.

That said, I wouldn't mind being smaller.
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Old 10-30-2009, 05:40 PM   #18
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Why are fat people always accosted with the necessity of having to consider or think about or "accept" their bodies? Why do we do this to ourselves?
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Fact is, average people don't *need* to think about or come to terms with issues based upon their looks because they are the norm. What's to think about?
I disagree. While people who aren't fat certainly don't receive the same kind of flak, that doesn't mean that they don't find flaws in their bodies. It may not be as explicit as accepting one's size, but we have to accept our height, our build, our hair, skin color, noses, eyes, physical ability... and hell, even if someone happened to be her own physical ideal, she would still have to accept her body for only having a shelf life of 80 years or so. I will concede that accepting one's fatness is different, because of all the judgments about character that our society equates with size, but everyone has to accept their own body's limits. Everyone.

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Why can't we simply be, and enjoy being?
That's what I'm working towards, personally. I don't think I can honestly say that I love being a fat girl from the bottom of my heart-- sorry Tau-- but I've made positive strides towards accepting my physical self as I am, in the present. I'm shedding the notion that I need to apologize for being who I am.

I feel the need to preface this by saying that I'm privileged in terms of health and mobility, but... to be honest, the things that I like least about being fat ultimately boil down to other people (e.g. limited clothing options; being judged negatively based on size). In a vacuum, though? It's not a bad deal.
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Old 10-30-2009, 10:44 PM   #19
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Fact is, average people don't *need* to think about or come to terms with issues based upon their looks because they are the norm. What's to think about?
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I disagree. While people who aren't fat certainly don't receive the same kind of flak, that doesn't mean that they don't find flaws in their bodies. It may not be as explicit as accepting one's size, but we have to accept our height, our build, our hair, skin color, noses, eyes, physical ability... and hell, even if someone happened to be her own physical ideal, she would still have to accept her body for only having a shelf life of 80 years or so. I will concede that accepting one's fatness is different, because of all the judgments about character that our society equates with size, but everyone has to accept their own body's limits. Everyone.
My point wasn't that people with average, thin bodies don't have problems or even something like body dysmorphia; they very well can. I also didn't address the "tall" issue, because girls who are tall quite often do not dig it and guys who are 'too' tall often have their own issues. In fact, anyone who is different in some way gets teased for it as a child at the least, but I wasn't talking about that, either (though, frankly, if someone is of average size, height and looks, they're going to have the easiest time of all, overall, based upon looks. This doesn't address whatever dysfunction the family may be caught up in so that an average-looking child is picked on by family for some imaginary flaw (that happens too often, too, and I don't get it). Perhaps I shouldn't have worded it as I did, but without meaning to be dismissive to others I was really just addressing fat women specifically, as that is the discussion, and overall we tend to get a whole lot of flak for the fat on our bodies.
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Old 10-31-2009, 12:36 AM   #20
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I have to agree with Carrie, Lizzy. It's all a matter of opinion and perspective of course, but the way I see it...

Fact is, average people don't *need* to think about or come to terms with issues based upon their looks because they are the norm. What's to think about? As fat people, generally disdained by society and presumed not to be sexually desirable and deserving of praise, respect, or even of the title "human being," at some point just for our own survival and peace of mind we might decide to toss away those societal notions of who we are supposed to be and decide who we actually are. ...I decided to replace the shit messages and warped mirror I received from the external world with different messages that came from within, from me, and from perspectives I chose to receive...In my own life, I've never felt "accosted with the necessity of having to consider or think about or "accept" their [my] bodies [body]. It wasn't unpleasant to see myself in a better, more positive light; it was a relief. It was more that those who took issue with my body and how much space I took up made me feel accosted just simply for being.

If, in my life, growing up as a child, teen and young adult, I could have just simply 'been' and simply "enjoyed being," then things might be different. But when simply being includes walking down the street, enjoying the sun, feeling just like anyone else -- just being -- and then one is accosted by hollered epithets and disdainful laughter, it brings one back to reality: "oh yeah, I forgot, I'm a freak." I clearly remember feeling just that way, thinking just that to myself, when just that scenario happened.

If fat would have always been acceptable -- the norm, while I was growing up, there'd be nothing to think about. Though I still believe I'd love my softness, and so would Eric.
I heart this post so hard. It echoes almost exactly my own experiences, the hurtful - oh, remember you're a freak! ones - and the immense relief that came from finally giving myself permission to find myself beautiful despite what the rest of the world had to say on the matter.

I want to say a big thank you to all of you for your posts here, for sharing your stories with me. I confess last night, after posting this, I went out dressed in a deliberatly provocotive way and then got into a fight with a group of girls in the club who heckled me about it. I'm not proud that I went out looking for a fight, but it also made me angry that I knew those comments were coming and, sure as daylight, they came. Its made me question my own sense of peace and fulfilment, the maturity of my own journey, and your responses, all of them, have given me a great deal to think about.
'
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Old 10-31-2009, 01:34 AM   #21
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Can't say that i <3 it from the bottom of my heart, if i could change i would get rid of my back fat and flabby arms, but in saying that i accept me and those parts don't stop me from living or wearing items of clothing, though i must admit i would never wear a singlet top in public with something not covering my upper arms. If i could get rid of flabby arms and back fat than i think i would <3 my body from the bottom of my heart.

I must admit I'm a little scared of losing weight and being thinner,
the only way i would know how to maintain it would be the wrong way, i won't get into it but it is something that I don't want to revert back to. I dunno maybe this belongs on a different thread, but i would like to be thinner just for one day so i could go sky diving and bungee jumping etc.

I would like to add that on the rare occasion, once a year or so i will feel fat, i'm not consciously aware that i'm fat day in and day out, i hope that makes sense.
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Old 10-31-2009, 02:04 AM   #22
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Can't say that i <3 it from the bottom of my heart, if i could change i would get rid of my back fat and flabby arms, but in saying that i accept me and those parts don't stop me from living or wearing items of clothing, though i must admit i would never wear a singlet top in public with something not covering my upper arms. If i could get rid of flabby arms and back fat than i think i would <3 my body from the bottom of my heart.

I must admit I'm a little scared of losing weight and being thinner,
the only way i would know how to maintain it would be the wrong way, i won't get into it but it is something that I don't want to revert back to. I dunno maybe this belongs on a different thread, but i would like to be thinner just for one day so i could go sky diving and bungee jumping etc.

I would like to add that on the rare occasion, once a year or so i will feel fat, i'm not consciously aware that i'm fat day in and day out, i hope that makes sense.
I so totally get that! And yes, I would like to be thin for just one day, so I could run without getting hit in the face with my chest
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:57 AM   #23
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I think the difference is that thinness and tallness, generally speaking (and not referring to extreme tallness or thinness), don't affect a person's life in the way being significantly fat can. I mean, like it or not, it touches most aspects of my life in one way or another, and maybe that's a difference between fat and supersized? I don't know. But whether anyone has ever asked me if I've made peace with my body or not is irrelevant, it's absolutely something I've had to do.
Carrie, I appreciate your pointing this out.

I guess I would say, in response, that I feel we all have to make peace with our bodies, whether fat or thin. Being fat, whether a little or a whole lot, is a human condition.

I can imagine states of thinness or tallness that might also be something to make peace with, whether because of physical or psychological impact. Personal physical and psychological challenges come in as many flavors as there are people. That is simply the human condition.

So what I wanted to suggest by asking why fat is exceptionalized in ways that thinness and tallness, just for example, are not, is that we have to be careful, I think, not to remove fat from the sphere of normal, natural human conditions.

Sometimes I feel like, in the rush to get everyone onboard with "accepting" their fat, something is getting lost: the fact that fat is not a category that makes fat people exceptional or apart from others, and the fact that not everyone who is fat will have the same experiences or the same "need" to "accept" anything.

As your personal testimony suggests, being fat is expressed individually in every person. My post was intended as a critique of the idea that a fat person must accept and love herself and that self-love and confidence magically make her a more enlightened version of what she was before. And yet everyone is different. What lets one person feel at peace with herself varies wildly from what works for her cousin Marie, you know? So the idea that "self-love" and "confidence" in a fat person proves anything, and that it's a good antidote to self-hate, is a dangerous one, I think.

Does any of that make sense?
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Old 10-31-2009, 01:38 PM   #24
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Carrie, I appreciate your pointing this out.

I guess I would say, in response, that I feel we all have to make peace with our bodies, whether fat or thin. Being fat, whether a little or a whole lot, is a human condition.

I can imagine states of thinness or tallness that might also be something to make peace with, whether because of physical or psychological impact. Personal physical and psychological challenges come in as many flavors as there are people. That is simply the human condition.

So what I wanted to suggest by asking why fat is exceptionalized in ways that thinness and tallness, just for example, are not, is that we have to be careful, I think, not to remove fat from the sphere of normal, natural human conditions.

Sometimes I feel like, in the rush to get everyone onboard with "accepting" their fat, something is getting lost: the fact that fat is not a category that makes fat people exceptional or apart from others, and the fact that not everyone who is fat will have the same experiences or the same "need" to "accept" anything.

As your personal testimony suggests, being fat is expressed individually in every person. My post was intended as a critique of the idea that a fat person must accept and love herself and that self-love and confidence magically make her a more enlightened version of what she was before. And yet everyone is different. What lets one person feel at peace with herself varies wildly from what works for her cousin Marie, you know? So the idea that "self-love" and "confidence" in a fat person proves anything, and that it's a good antidote to self-hate, is a dangerous one, I think.

Does any of that make sense?
I'm not sure I'm following you. Could be cause I have a cold right now and my head is a bit foggy, but how does fat not separate fat people from thin people in some way? Even if you do everything you can to fit in you are still going to be different because the people around you won't ever let you forget that. The fact that you can't fit into things is a constant reminder of how different you are. Are you suggesting that all of this is irrelevant? I understand wishing that these things didn't matter but they do and we have to deal with it on a daily basis.

As for the second point, some of the women here have expressed this idea before but I confess I've never been able to quite wrap my brain around the idea of self-love as a goal being a dangerous thing. In and of itself it seems like a perfectly acceptable idea of self. It seems dangerous to me to say that self-love shouldn't be an acceptable goal in the way of personhood. To say that we cannot ever be fully formed people without self love is one thing, but to say it is a dangerous idea doesn't seem right to me either.

I do think I get what you are trying to say in essence: that fat people (all people really) should be free to form their own ideas of personhood (the way thin people do), and any attempts to force some kind of code on people is very close to taking away a person's free will, which is a bad thing. No?
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Old 10-31-2009, 02:51 PM   #25
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I want to love my body,but how can I when most of my town seems to treat me like a freak out of a sideshow,I have encountered a lot of SSBBWs bigger than me,but seems theres only one my size in my town,so I look out of place.
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