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Old 10-31-2009, 08:35 PM   #51
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Amy. If you need support, we're all here for you. (((((Amy)))))
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Old 11-01-2009, 06:17 AM   #52
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Thank you all again for all of your prayers and thoughts, I really do appreciate them. Today is going to be very hard. It's been three weeks today that his body passed. I don't want to feel like this every Sunday for the rest of my life. I don't want to feel this at all. I never thought I'd be a widow at 41, it's too real and yet it seems so unreal.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:35 PM   #53
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Oh, honey. I can't even begin to imagine what you've been going through. My thoughts are with you and I send you much love.
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Old 11-01-2009, 09:20 PM   #54
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***BBBBIIIIIGGGG HUGGGGGGSS***

I tried to find a poem or something to express how my heart goes out to you..but I couldn't find anything...but maybe you can find a poem that best fits the love you both have for each other.

Please keep a journal of your thoughts and feel free to share whatever you feel whenever you feel it and know that we all love you.
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:52 PM   #55
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I feel that I can share with everyone that I lost my husband 3 weeks ago. He died of a brain aneurism. His mind was gone before he left the driveway in the ambulance, his body lived for 4 days after the aneurism. He wasn't in there, in his body.

As some of you know, I have been working very hard to get healthy, get my diabetes under control, losing weight, all in the expectation of giving my husband 25 years. He always said, 25 years but as it happened it was only 12 years. I am grateful for those 12 years. He was a good man and loved me like no one ever has.

Life is short. Please don't ever take for granted that they'll always be there because sometimes they can be sitting in a chair with a headache and an hour later they can be gone. It has taken me a while to bring this here. The pain is almost unbearable. Just always remember to show the people in your life how much you love them. Always let them know...
Oh steely............I just don't know what to say. I know there are no words that can take the pain away from losing him. I'm glad you were able to find someone that you loved for so long and that he loved you back. That's so rare to find these days.

Why does it always seem we need a tragedy in our life to show us the importance of letting others know we love them...

I'm so sorry for your loss and I wish I could take some of the pain away for you.



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But the pain of grief
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When compared with the pain
Of never risking love.”

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Hugs,
Mizz
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:44 AM   #56
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I woke up crying in the middle of the night last night because i dreamed that my gf had died. I felt so much relief to wake to see her still there. You are so right about not taking anyone for granted and making sure you make the most your time with them. I know i have said before on fb but GD and i are both sending you our thoughts.. so sorry for your loss. xx
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:54 AM   #57
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I woke up crying in the middle of the night last night because i dreamed that my gf had died. I felt so much relief to wake to see her still there. You are so right about not taking anyone for granted and making sure you make the most your time with them. I know i have said before on fb but GD and i are both sending you our thoughts.. so sorry for your loss. xx
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry that you dreamed that. It is so important to let the people in your life know what they mean to you. It's the one positive message I can give in all this pain and sorrow. Make sure you tell people in your life how much and what they mean to you.

I know you and GD are thinking of me and I appreciate it so much. I start counseling this afternoon and I'm hoping that they will be able to help me find a way to deal with the pain, the loss and the sorrow. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:20 AM   #58
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I'm so, so, sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences.
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Old 11-02-2009, 10:29 AM   #59
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{{{{{{ AMY }}}}}

Yes, life is short and unfortunately, it is a lesson none of us truly learn except the hard way.

Whine, laugh, wail do whatever it takes to get you to the next moment; hell to the next breath if it that is what comes down to; because sometimes a day at a time is too much to handle in the beginning. It is human nature to push the grieving to heal quickly because no one wants to dwell on their own respective mortality. Do not feel you have to say you're okay if you really aren't at the moment. The time it takes is different for each person; don't go by someone else's barometer.

You and your husband had twelve years together; hold on to that love and that of your friends and family, in real life as well as here on Dims to help you through. You will get to peace eventually.
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Old 11-02-2009, 08:04 PM   #60
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Default Update After Counseling

Just wanted to tell everyone I went to counseling this evening and it was alright. I felt safe and I could talk about Harold and the pain and sorrow and the crushing loss I feel. It was a good thing to do and I'm glad I did it. I seemed to be able to comfort others in the group as well. I will be going back and working my way through this.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, you will never know how much your words kept me sane, when in truth I could have lost my mind. I think it's going to hurt for a long time but I will make it through.
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Old 11-02-2009, 08:17 PM   #61
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Just wanted to tell everyone I went to counseling this evening and it was alright. I felt safe and I could talk about Harold and the pain and sorrow and the crushing loss I feel. It was a good thing to do and I'm glad I did it. I seemed to be able to comfort others in the group as well. I will be going back and working my way through this.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, you will never know how much your words kept me sane, when in truth I could have lost my mind. I think it's going to hurt for a long time but I will make it through.
I am so glad you reached out and found some support at this difficult time in your life. I can see how meeting with others in the same situation and helping each other makes you feel stronger and good about yourself. You seem like the type of person that needs to be needed....and I think helping others in this group probably helps to fill in the big void, just a little, that Harold left in his passing.
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Old 11-02-2009, 08:31 PM   #62
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Steely. I can't imagine how devastated you are.

If and when you're ready, I hope you'll share some of your memories of Harold. I think it's important to let the world know that someone special has passed. For a few moments, to have the world stop and acknowledge that there has been a great loss.
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Old 11-02-2009, 08:39 PM   #63
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Steely. I can't imagine how devastated you are.

If and when you're ready, I hope you'll share some of your memories of Harold. I think it's important to let the world know that someone special has passed. For a few moments, to have the world stop and acknowledge that there has been a great loss.
I think this is a great idea, when/if Amy ever cares to share that way.
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Old 11-03-2009, 03:48 AM   #64
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Just wanted to tell everyone I went to counseling this evening and it was alright. I felt safe and I could talk about Harold and the pain and sorrow and the crushing loss I feel. It was a good thing to do and I'm glad I did it. I seemed to be able to comfort others in the group as well. I will be going back and working my way through this.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, you will never know how much your words kept me sane, when in truth I could have lost my mind. I think it's going to hurt for a long time but I will make it through.
I am so glad you went for some counselling. Its a really brave step and i hope it helps you work through some of your feelings of grief. GD sort of bottled up her feelings after her mum died and she ended up with depression and post traumatic stress and this is now just about the time of the 3rd aniversary of her mothers death. She is finally about to make the leap and see a grief counseller and i'm so proud of her for that as she finds it difficult to talk about things that are so personal. Good luck with the counselling and take care of you!! xxLisa
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Old 11-04-2009, 01:15 PM   #65
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I am so sorry that your dear husband passed away. I can't begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling and pray that time will ease the pain and leave behind only the wonderful memories of your time together.


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Old 11-07-2009, 06:16 PM   #66
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I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-07-2009, 06:25 PM   #67
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I am so sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}}
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Old 11-09-2009, 09:20 PM   #68
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Steely
I just came across this post today and I am so sorry to hear about your husband passing. I am glad to hear that you are going to counseling as I am sure that will help you get through this difficult. I lost my dad Nov 1st so perhaps that is why I didn't see this post until now. The difference was we were expecting his death. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember all the good you had in the 12 years you were together.
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Old 11-10-2009, 06:03 AM   #69
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Steely
I just came across this post today and I am so sorry to hear about your husband passing. I am glad to hear that you are going to counseling as I am sure that will help you get through this difficult. I lost my dad Nov 1st so perhaps that is why I didn't see this post until now. The difference was we were expecting his death. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember all the good you had in the 12 years you were together.
Thank you, I'm sorry for your loss as well. Whether it is sudden or expected the loss of someone you love is so hard. Counseling is helping and I'm not afraid of asking for help. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Please take care of yourself and I am thinking of you as well.
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Old 11-16-2009, 12:13 PM   #70
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I am so sorry to read this, Steely, and very glad you are reaching for help. I am thinking of you.
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Old 11-16-2009, 12:46 PM   #71
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Steely, I agree that the suddenness of it makes it much harder to deal with, because how can you prepare yourself for it. Not that anyone can truly prepare for loss, because I don't think you can, but at least you know it's coming -- not blindsided as you were.

I hope that you can get some comfort and help from being with others, even though their experiences are so different from yours. I know you're having a very hard time. I wish you peace and healing. I'm sure your heart is breaking right now; if I could take that pain away, even a little, I would.
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Old 11-17-2009, 04:53 AM   #72
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I think it is a shame that when people die suddenly it seems so much worse on the family because of the shock, because for most people they way they would ideally like to die, when it is their time, is suddenly. I remember my grandad died very suddenly a few years ago, basically he got up, made a cup of tea and then went to bed and died. In many ways everyone was thinking that for him it was the best was to go, but for his family it was very jarring and unexpected.
On the other hand My gf talks about nursing her mother through Cancer until she died and it sounds horrific both for the family and for the person who is dying. I agree with Vicky, that you can never truly prepare for loss but perhaps eventually you might find some comfort that his death was not long and drawn out and that he did not suffer.
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Old 11-17-2009, 05:36 AM   #73
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I think it is a shame that when people die suddenly it seems so much worse on the family because of the shock, because for most people they way they would ideally like to die, when it is their time, is suddenly. I remember my grandad died very suddenly a few years ago, basically he got up, made a cup of tea and then went to bed and died. In many ways everyone was thinking that for him it was the best was to go, but for his family it was very jarring and unexpected.
On the other hand My gf talks about nursing her mother through Cancer until she died and it sounds horrific both for the family and for the person who is dying. I agree with Vicky, that you can never truly prepare for loss but perhaps eventually you might find some comfort that his death was not long and drawn out and that he did not suffer.
I am thankful in a way that Harold passed the way he did. It was relatively short although it seemed an eternity. I always thought that he would be with me for maybe 10 more years and then he would get lung cancer and I would have to watch him die that way. Harold was a big smoker and had been since he was 11.

I don't know that either way is better or not. It is still loss and crushing pain. It is still something I am trying to process. It's not going as well as I had hoped.
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Old 11-17-2009, 05:45 AM   #74
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I am thankful in a way that Harold passed the way he did. It was relatively short although it seemed an eternity. I always thought that he would be with me for maybe 10 more years and then he would get lung cancer and I would have to watch him die that way. Harold was a big smoker and had been since he was 11.

I don't know that either way is better or not. It is still loss and crushing pain. It is still something I am trying to process. It's not going as well as I had hoped.
It has been such a short time since he died. I know that you think you are not coping as well as you would have hoped but you have to be patient with yourself. You have suffered a horrific loss and trauma and need lots of time to heal and even to begin to feel anything like the real you again. I think it shows amazing strength and determination that you have been posting here and have been going to therapy etc.
How had you hoped you would have been feeling now?
I think we can never know in what ways a death of someone is going to affect us, we only know when it happens..but then i have not had a partner die so i have really no idea of all the things you must be going through right now.
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Old 11-17-2009, 01:12 PM   #75
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I'm not sure how to do this grief thing, Mer. I'm not sure what I expected of myself. Having never lived through someone's death, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. It's all so vague and amorphous. It's hard to get a handle on how it's supposed to be or if it's even supposed to be anything.

I had a woman at grief counseling tell me, you are handling this very well. I told her, you don't see me fall apart, like this past Friday. I look good on the outside, I guess. I just don't know how or what I'm supposed to do. Thanks for listening, Mer and everyone else who have been so kind during this traumatic time. I really do appreciate all of you, more than you know.
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