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Old 11-06-2009, 11:05 PM   #1
Novelist
 
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Default I'm very blatant about it; I don't see the big deal...

I'm completely blatant that I like big guys. Everyone at works knows and teases me when they see me checking someone out, my family knows, all my friends know, everyone that knows me at all is very aware that I'm not into the skinny or fit. I've never gotten any flack for it. Once in a while someone will say that it's weird, but not when I explain that I'm a cuddler and I just don't like to cuddle with rocks and sticks. Someone did say "you could do better," and I said I wasn't into settling for someone I wasn't attracted to, and that shut them up, but that was literally all.

Maybe I'm just not shy, but why do people act like it's something to hide? I never understood the "coming out" mentality. I haven't been honest about it until the past year or so because I never really realized it was such a strong preference of mine, but now everybody knows, and it's fine.
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:18 PM   #2
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good for you, I didn't tell anyone till I was 20 because I was afraid of being alone and I thought my friends and family would judge me as some kind of freak, its all good now they know.
I was scared of telling my dad the most because he caught me looking at fat girl sites when I was 13, he basically said that I shouldn't go for larger girls I should go for slim girls with nice boobs, when I told him I was seeing a fat girl his reaction was "she's not as big as a house is she?"
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:26 PM   #3
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I'm glad it was easy and natural for you, but some people live in very hostile family situations, or around "friends" who are always mean, nasty, and judgemental about fat people. Living and growing up in a situation like that is enough to make it difficult, if not impossible, to share that part of your life openly.

Imagine your own mother is someone who thinks you're so damaged for liking/preferring fat partners that it drives a wedge that leads to estrangement from her ... that's reality for some, not an overly dramatic example.

I think you, and others like you who've found the process easy, should be very thankful to be so fortunate and be able to pursue all that makes you happy without apology. But for some it's a very big deal and can force them to make choices about who is and isn't in their life - when those choices involve family and your support systems, imagine why it's a big deal.
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Old 11-07-2009, 06:48 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Novelist View Post
I'm completely blatant that I like big guys. Everyone at works knows and teases me when they see me checking someone out, my family knows, all my friends know, everyone that knows me at all is very aware that I'm not into the skinny or fit. I've never gotten any flack for it. Once in a while someone will say that it's weird, but not when I explain that I'm a cuddler and I just don't like to cuddle with rocks and sticks. Someone did say "you could do better," and I said I wasn't into settling for someone I wasn't attracted to, and that shut them up, but that was literally all.

Maybe I'm just not shy, but why do people act like it's something to hide? I never understood the "coming out" mentality. I haven't been honest about it until the past year or so because I never really realized it was such a strong preference of mine, but now everybody knows, and it's fine.
I have heard the "you could do better" one. Man did it ruffle my feathers. My friends and family treat me the same way. Whenever my friends find a pic, they don't hesitate hitting the send button...which is cool with me

Size acceptance is tougher for females than it is males. There is so much media out there for men to be big and strong, however for women (shriek comes to mind) they paint a less positive light. I have noticed since dating Escapist....Ssbhms get way more crap because it seems most guys feel threatened by there size.

It seems size acceptance needs a pr person. When most people see a very large person (myself included) they automatically get defensive because they have a fear of being dominated in some way by that person. I noticed the larger folks with a sense of humor (or blessed with a killer smile) have a better time socially because they have the social tools to disarm people's fear of them...but i guess that can go for anyone.
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Old 11-08-2009, 11:49 AM   #5
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I'm getting around to being open about my preference for fat guys. I've told some of my friends, and they've been cool about it. I guess for me the main issue is that my privacy is very important to me; I'm not that invested in making sure that people I'm not looking to sleep with with know what I want out of the people that I am.
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Old 11-08-2009, 11:51 AM   #6
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I think it's a bit of this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lastminute.Tom View Post
good for you, I didn't tell anyone till I was 20 because I was afraid of being alone and I thought my friends and family would judge me as some kind of freak, its all good now they know.
I was scared of telling my dad the most because he caught me looking at fat girl sites when I was 13, he basically said that I shouldn't go for larger girls I should go for slim girls with nice boobs, when I told him I was seeing a fat girl his reaction was "she's not as big as a house is she?"
And a bit of this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
I'm glad it was easy and natural for you, but some people live in very hostile family situations, or around "friends" who are always mean, nasty, and judgemental about fat people.
Some people do live with family/friends who WILL make their life a living hell if they do not date the "right" person. Then there are the others who have a tremendous amount of fear - their fears may not be justified, ie. they may fear rejection from parents who would be totally accepting, in reality, but these fears are present nonetheless.
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