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Old 11-15-2009, 04:41 AM   #26
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Well, I received the death certificate yesterday and ended up in the hospital with exhaustion and dehydration. I guess I'm not handling this very well. I don't know what will happen when I receive his ashes. I don't know how you are supposed to live through this pain.
That must have been horrible for you as i guess it makes it seem 'real' somehow when its there in black and white. Perhaps if you are not ready to pick up his ashes is there someone else who could do it for you until you are ready?. Even then there is no rush for you to scatter them or even decide what is going to happen. Take your time.. and try your best to take care of yourself. Lots of love and good energy being sent your way. xxLisa
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Old 11-15-2009, 05:24 AM   #27
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Amy, I always wonder how you are and think of you everytime I come to this board. I hope that your days get a little easier and that time will ease your pain. Please keep well.
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Old 11-15-2009, 02:52 PM   #28
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Amy big hugs hon...I am so sorry..You need to take care of yourself hon..Please do it for all of us here that worry about your..

Mer has a good suggestion..Could one of his kids go pick the ashes up for you? Or maybe see if the funeral home will hold them until you feel ready to go get them? I know sometimes here the funeral homes will do that...Do not feel you have to rush through any of this...We all take grief differently and taking your time through it is not a bad thing...
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Old 11-15-2009, 05:45 PM   #29
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Harold's ashes are being mailed to me from Oregon. We donated his body to science, he always wanted to help people and this way he did. It's the stark reality that he is gone when you receive the death certificate. I am trying to take care but not as hard as I should, I don't see the point much anymore. I'm not suicidal but I tend not to care so much anymore.

Thank you both for being so supportive, it does make it better.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:38 PM   #30
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Sending you a humongous hug!!!!
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:16 PM   #31
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Sending you a humongous hug!!!!
Thank you dear, I'm doing a little better now. It's still hard but it is what it is, inescapeable, unfortunately. I appreciate your thought.
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Old 11-21-2009, 12:28 AM   #32
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Amy,
I'm glad you are posting here. I hope it helps, just as I'll pray that you'll get stronger every day. I hope you are still getting grief conseling. I know it was a tremendous help to me after my Mom died. As many have said, give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Sending many, many hugs your way.
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:29 AM   #33
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Amy,
I'm glad you are posting here. I hope it helps, just as I'll pray that you'll get stronger every day. I hope you are still getting grief conseling. I know it was a tremendous help to me after my Mom died. As many have said, give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Sending many, many hugs your way.
Thank you, Punkin. I am still going to grief support group but I'm not sure if that is what I need. I always leave feeling worse than I did when I got there. The women there are just so crushed and sad. They are older than I am and were with their spouses for forty years or more. It is so hard to see their pain. I will continue to go I guess, maybe for a little longer and see if I start feeling better.
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:37 PM   #34
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Hi Amy,

I'm sorry the support group isn't helping much. Perhaps you'll find more support here. It appears that a few Dimmers have been through this and I know they are supporting you here. I had one-on-one grief counseling with a psychologist and a psychiatrist (for the prescribed tranquilizers/anti-depressants). I went to this Dr. for a little over 3 months, until she felt I didn't need the sessions anymore. I didn't get help until about 4 months after my Mom died. I thought I could handle it on my own, but I had a nervous breakdown right before my 40th birthday. One day, I started crying in the shower and couldn't stop. Mark got me in to see my family Dr. and he prescribed prozac and said he'd only prescribe the anti-depressant if I'd agreed to get counseling. I know you will work your way through this and it does take time. No one knows anywhere how you feel and only you know what is best to help you through this. Just keep posting, we are here for you.
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Old 11-22-2009, 09:55 AM   #35
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Thanks Punkin,

It's sunday and those are very hard, 6 weeks ago today. I'm usually alone on sunday, that makes it harder, I think. Sometimes I think I'm waiting to have a nervous breakdown. I can see it coming closer, sometimes it's further away but it's always there. Sometimes I don't think I'll ever be able to get passed this. I know it's my own but I feel so lost. Everyone is still saying, if you need anything but I still don't know what I need. I need my husband but no one can give me that.
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Old 11-22-2009, 11:07 PM   #36
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I'm so sorry you are feeling lonely. May I suggest something? Have you tried journeling? I find that writing how I feel and what I'm experiencing helps me through tough spots. (((((((Amy)))))))
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Old 11-23-2009, 01:10 AM   #37
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Please keep posting Amy, just like Punkin asked. I know that there is very little that any of us can provide you in the way of help, but there is always much support here for you. From myself included, all the way from Oz.

Hopefully, every little post you make may lighten your burden.
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Old 11-23-2009, 02:55 AM   #38
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Well, I received the death certificate yesterday and ended up in the hospital with exhaustion and dehydration. I guess I'm not handling this very well. I don't know what will happen when I receive his ashes. I don't know how you are supposed to live through this pain.
Steely, may i make a suggestion? have you thought about writing down how you feel when all this is happening? the only reason i suggest it is two things, number one...it will help you process what you are feeling, number two, you wont see it now, you may not see it for a while, but you are handling this every day, each day you get up and out of bed is a testament to your stregnth....

keep talking to friends, dont isolate yourself, see if there is a group around to deal with death of a spouse...you may not think you need it, but the support, specially early on, may help ease some of this...

never forget we are here...and we care...
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Old 11-23-2009, 03:44 AM   #39
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This. We are all here for you Amy and thinking about you. xx
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Old 11-23-2009, 05:46 AM   #40
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I have tried to journal but it is too big for me to find the words about how I feel. I can give you the facts, what happened and when, but I can't put words to the emotion of how I feel. It just hurts. It is so huge and the loss is so great. Right now I'm just trying to make it through the days, sometimes the hour. Thank you for being here, there are times I think I might lose my mind but I can come here and you'll be here. I won't be so alone.
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Old 11-23-2009, 11:01 PM   #41
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Hi Amy,
Keep coming here. You know, I believe that Dimensions is very therapeutical for me too. I can just feel the care and concern radiating from this place sometimes. I'm still praying for you. Taking it one day, even one hour at a time is all any of us can do. As Di said, a few months from now, when you look back, you'll be amazed out how well you dealt with it and you will keep going. (((((((Amy)))))))
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Old 11-24-2009, 02:53 AM   #42
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I have tried to journal but it is too big for me to find the words about how I feel. I can give you the facts, what happened and when, but I can't put words to the emotion of how I feel. It just hurts. It is so huge and the loss is so great. Right now I'm just trying to make it through the days, sometimes the hour. Thank you for being here, there are times I think I might lose my mind but I can come here and you'll be here. I won't be so alone.

We are your friends and Internet family. We don't need big words. Whatever you can write is good enough for us. Just out it down on paper, and get it out of you, believe me, it will feel better. Facts are fine. We, your family, will put in the feelings!!
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Old 11-29-2009, 10:36 AM   #43
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I have tried to journal but it is too big for me to find the words about how I feel. I can give you the facts, what happened and when, but I can't put words to the emotion of how I feel. It just hurts. It is so huge and the loss is so great. Right now I'm just trying to make it through the days, sometimes the hour. Thank you for being here, there are times I think I might lose my mind but I can come here and you'll be here. I won't be so alone.
Amy you are never alone...Even if you are sitting in a room by yourself there is love all around you..We all care and love you Amy and we are sending that to you....Right now your emotions are so all over the place that you can not put your finger on just one and say,that is how I feel,I understand that.. Give it time,do not think days ahead or even hours ahead just think about being in this moment of time..They say time heals all wounds and that is true..Just give yourself as much time as you need...
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Old 11-29-2009, 11:13 AM   #44
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Oh Amy. I want to squeeze your hand so badly. What a HELL this is to be navigating through, and we can hear you so loud and clear. I know I speak for so many us when I say that we are your friends and are here to hear you. You can dump anything here that you want to, you are not alone.

*((((((Amy)))))))*
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Old 11-29-2009, 01:41 PM   #45
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Oh Amy. I want to squeeze your hand so badly. What a HELL this is to be navigating through, and we can hear you so loud and clear. I know I speak for so many us when I say that we are your friends and are here to hear you. You can dump anything here that you want to, you are not alone.

*((((((Amy)))))))*
Thank you, Lilly
I'm feeling in limbo at this time. It's just sort of grey. The holidays are difficult, I think I just turned my mind off. At least I am getting the first holidays over this year, I won't be slapped with a cold dose of reality next year. I really wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:33 PM   #46
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Thank you, Lilly
I'm feeling in limbo at this time. It's just sort of grey. The holidays are difficult, I think I just turned my mind off. At least I am getting the first holidays over this year, I won't be slapped with a cold dose of reality next year. I really wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I think it's perfectly understandable and appropriate for a person not to make any sense at all during these times. The things you've had to walk through... you should be able to drink straight from the carton if that's what you need to do without anybody getting in your way. There is no law against muddling through, especially now.

This truly is the worst Amy. Though it's near impossible to fathom exactly how, things will get better. In the meantime you don't have to produce anything because of anything. Just live. And hope.
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Old 11-29-2009, 06:03 PM   #47
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I am thinking of you Amy. Sending you a ((((hug)))) and a hope that you are having a "good" day.
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Old 11-29-2009, 06:20 PM   #48
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steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Originally Posted by littlefairywren View Post
I am thinking of you Amy. Sending you a ((((hug)))) and a hope that you are having a "good" day.
Thank you dear, it's been alright today. Sometimes I have a hard time on Sunday because he passed on Sunday, 7 weeks ago today. It seems like forever and then it feels like yesterday. At this moment I am still here and that will be enough. I try not to project too much.
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Old 11-29-2009, 06:29 PM   #49
luscious_lulu
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luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!luscious_lulu has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Originally Posted by steely View Post
Thank you dear, it's been alright today. Sometimes I have a hard time on Sunday because he passed on Sunday, 7 weeks ago today. It seems like forever and then it feels like yesterday. At this moment I am still here and that will be enough. I try not to project too much.
((((HUG))))
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Old 11-29-2009, 10:52 PM   #50
Punkin1024
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Location: Near Abilene, Texas, in the country. Wishing all my DIMS friends lived close by.
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We're still here for you too, Amy. Take all the time you need. (((((((Amy)))))))
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