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Old 11-11-2009, 12:40 PM   #1
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Default Hetro-girl flirting

So, my friend was yammering on at me the other day, saying how it pissed her off that hetro women flirt with each other one of the forums she skulks around and to some extent in real life...
What think ye all about flirty talk between hetro ladies?

I have never been offended by this and think it is fun!!. When i was less sure of myself and younger and hetro girls flirted with each other in real life (I was a theatre/music luvvie) i used to feel slightly awkward and a bit left out because i was afraid if i joined in people would feel uncomfortable and think i found them attractive.
I don't care now if people think i am attracted to them (i am VERY picky, so normally i am not). I feel comfortable to join in flirty banter with queer and non-queer people alike...
Though, i DO think it is silly when people say stuff like:
"If i was gay i would so fancy you" -Because it makes no sense
Anyway..appart from that.. Hetro on hetro girl flirty fun really doesn't bother me, while it really pisses off my friend.
What say you all???
Oh, flirty hetro ladies should answer too.. -but only if you are naked wearing nothing but high heels with a drug laced far away look in your eyes of sorrow.
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Old 11-11-2009, 12:54 PM   #2
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In general - doesn't bother me at all.

What does bother me is when a girl flirts and flirts and flirts for weeks, messages me, buys me drinks, hangs off me and then, when I eventually ask her out, she says "oh, I'm not gay!"

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Last edited by Melian; 11-11-2009 at 12:55 PM. Reason: ETA: I've been monogamous for the last few years, so this obviously was not a recent event...but you get the idea
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Old 11-11-2009, 01:14 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Melian View Post
In general - doesn't bother me at all.

What does bother me is when a girl flirts and flirts and flirts for weeks, messages me, buys me drinks, hangs off me and then, when I eventually ask her out, she says "oh, I'm not gay!"

Oh dear..yes i can see why that might be irksome! Poor you.
In that sort of situation i would consider drinking more:
Sometimes this can make hetro people temporarily gay, and if not, you get to be the drunk girl who sits crying in the bathroom, talking to the bath, a mascara inprint of your face splattered on the wall. I'm not sure how that helps but its a life experience and if your heart is broken its nice to anoy as many people as you possibly can!!
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Last edited by mergirl; 11-11-2009 at 01:15 PM. Reason: I get the idea..
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Old 11-11-2009, 01:16 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Melian View Post

What does bother me is when a girl flirts and flirts and flirts for weeks, messages me, buys me drinks, hangs off me and then, when I eventually ask her out, she says "oh, I'm not gay!"
This!

Or, if they are just doing it for male attention. You know, the ones who stop flirting when the guys stop gawking, end up confessing that it is really their boyfriend's idea ("oops teehee I forgot to mention him and by the way, can he watch or join") or something like "oh I just wanted to hook up with this hot guy who would never have been interested in me alone".
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Old 11-11-2009, 02:22 PM   #5
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This!

Or, if they are just doing it for male attention. You know, the ones who stop flirting when the guys stop gawking, end up confessing that it is really their boyfriend's idea ("oops teehee I forgot to mention him and by the way, can he watch or join") or something like "oh I just wanted to hook up with this hot guy who would never have been interested in me alone".
Ahh.. yeah thats not so good.
Stuff that might hurt someone is never good.. i think that silly flirting is ok.. i see this a lot between people who are hetrosexual. Well mainly women.. i don't see guys doing it so often.
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Old 11-11-2009, 06:52 PM   #6
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you know...when i first started posting on dims i was surprised to see so much girl on girl flirting Especially between women, who in most postings, state flat out they are hetero and chasing men. i figure they are just doing it for the attention. not necessarily male attention, but for attention in general. i find people are much braver on line than they are in real life. (which is a shame really...you only spin once...). who knows...if given the appropriate chance they may act on it...but i tend to think they are just doing it to have the thrill of thinking of it without having to act on it.
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Old 11-11-2009, 07:01 PM   #7
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I think there is a difference between flirting and actually leading someone on. Also, if it's hetero to hetero there's no real chance of leading anyone on because they're both straight. Some of my girl friends and I 'flirt' I guess.. just like calling each other baby or boo, stuff like that. I'm not straight but in this case, I may as well be since I am in a commited monogamous relationship with a guy.
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:36 PM   #8
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Two hetero girls flirting with each other? Doesn't bother me one bit!
A hetero girl flirting with me? I take it as a challenge, until of course she starts showing signs that she's just doing it for attention. Then I exit stage left.

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Originally Posted by Melian View Post
What does bother me is when a girl flirts and flirts and flirts for weeks, messages me, buys me drinks, hangs off me and then, when I eventually ask her out, she says "oh, I'm not gay!"
Oh I rarely get straight girls doing that to me -and when it does happen both the girl and I know it's just for fun and nothing more.

BUT - I do get gay girls doing that to me - the whole flirt flirt flirt buy me drinks, hang out etc etc, and then says to me, "I prefer you as a friend."
OK. fine then.

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Originally Posted by Cors View Post
This!
Or, if they are just doing it for male attention. You know, the ones who stop flirting when the guys stop gawking, end up confessing that it is really their boyfriend's idea ("oops teehee I forgot to mention him and by the way, can he watch or join") or something like "oh I just wanted to hook up with this hot guy who would never have been interested in me alone".
I usually don't entertain such women. Not even to flirt. There was one occasion when this happened and I went up to the boyfriend and told him that if he didn't watch it, his precious girlfriend would be riding off into the sunset with me. The flirting stopped.
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Old 11-12-2009, 04:11 AM   #9
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you know...when i first started posting on dims i was surprised to see so much girl on girl flirting Especially between women, who in most postings, state flat out they are hetero and chasing men. i figure they are just doing it for the attention. not necessarily male attention, but for attention in general. i find people are much braver on line than they are in real life. (which is a shame really...you only spin once...). who knows...if given the appropriate chance they may act on it...but i tend to think they are just doing it to have the thrill of thinking of it without having to act on it.
Ahh see i noticed it on dims..but i see it totally differently from the way my friend does. A lot of the women here have known each other for a long time and i guess when you are that comfortable with people you can sort of flirt with them in a teasing way..You are right about the people being more brave online than in person for sure!
Hmm.. i wonder about the reasons for it. I have never thought of it as a way to get male attention. Lets face it- If women really wanted that kind of sexual attention from men here there are other ways of getting it. Here is one of those rare places where a flash of chub usurps girl on girl action..
Perhaps it is a form of female bonding, playing without men in some way, being sexual without actually having to be sexual... Or maby there is no need to analyse the shit out of it and its really just done in fun. The nice thing is i dont feel left out here like i have when i have come across this kind of play before. Though, i'm not sure why.. *Oh too many questions....plop.. my brain broke*
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Old 11-12-2009, 04:15 AM   #10
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I think there is a difference between flirting and actually leading someone on. Also, if it's hetero to hetero there's no real chance of leading anyone on because they're both straight. Some of my girl friends and I 'flirt' I guess.. just like calling each other baby or boo, stuff like that. I'm not straight but in this case, I may as well be since I am in a commited monogamous relationship with a guy.
Yes yes.. totally. I dont think anyone leads anyone on.. i think maby when i have encountered this kinna flirting before i could never be involved ..partly because i was worried i would make people uncomfortable but also i guess because they would be frightened they would lead me on. I think its a hetrosexual woman phenomenon. I have never ever seen hetro guys doing this.. though i would love to!!
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Old 11-12-2009, 07:06 AM   #11
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I find hetero women flirting with each other, ludicrous and stupid. If we ARE actually talking about flirting and not just being silly with friends as Mer stated she sees in Dims.

I totally believe that hetero women that flirt with each other are doing it to get the attention of men that are within eye shot, same with hetero women that snog the faces off each other, ugh. They do it because they know the guys watching generally get turned on by girl on girl stuff.

er... Am I allowed to post here, im not gay
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Old 11-12-2009, 11:03 AM   #12
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I find hetero women flirting with each other, ludicrous and stupid. If we ARE actually talking about flirting and not just being silly with friends as Mer stated she sees in Dims.

I totally believe that hetero women that flirt with each other are doing it to get the attention of men that are within eye shot, same with hetero women that snog the faces off each other, ugh. They do it because they know the guys watching generally get turned on by girl on girl stuff.

er... Am I allowed to post here, im not gay
Of course you can post here missus!! ... yeah, actually hetro girls kissing to get male attention is pretty rediculous.. Gah! I think that MUST be influenced by porn, at least in some ways!! (haha.. i feel like Mary whitehouse).
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Old 11-12-2009, 07:56 PM   #13
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So I was naked wearing nothing but high heels with a drug laced far away look in my eyes of sorrow....and I figured I'd answer, dear.

A) Who is to say that those women are, indeed, hetero? I think it's not fair to assume that they're STRICTLY DICKLY, just as it's not fair to assume someone is gay. I think sexuality should be left alone!!!!!!

B) I can flirt with whoever the fuck I want. It's my vag. Deal with it.

P.S. YAY!

But seriously, I think it's dense to be offended for something like that. I don't get offended when skinny people, like Tyra Banks, put on a fat suit and try to make America astounded by fat

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Old 11-13-2009, 02:37 AM   #14
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So I was naked wearing nothing but high heels with a drug laced far away look in my eyes of sorrow....and I figured I'd answer, dear.

A) Who is to say that those women are, indeed, hetero? I think it's not fair to assume that they're STRICTLY DICKLY, just as it's not fair to assume someone is gay. I think sexuality should be left alone!!!!!!

B) I can flirt with whoever the fuck I want. It's my vag. Deal with it.

P.S. YAY!

But seriously, I think it's dense to be offended for something like that. I don't get offended when skinny people, like Tyra Banks, put on a fat suit and try to make America astounded by fat
Lmao.. i shall pass this on to my friend..
In many ways i think you are right...why put lables on people. Back in the day i i slept with quite a few 'hetro' women... I didn't care what lable people gave themselves, just as long as they thought 'I' was hot!! lol
To be honest though, my friend was talking about how it made her feel uncomfortable when women who by their own admission and labling were hetro and flirted with other women. She said it insulted her sexuality as it was almost as if they were emulating her.
I am with you though and say "Flirt on whoever and whatever".. Flirting can only ever be nice.. erm until you get punched by some butch for looking at her beer seductivly!!!
Take it you are not strickly dicktly then?? I always thought you were a bit slit! (Can i get away with that?....hmmm.. oh i shall just say it anyway.. goddamit i got jam on my keys!!*Not a euphamism*)
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Old 11-13-2009, 09:55 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
So I was naked wearing nothing but high heels with a drug laced far away look in my eyes of sorrow....and I figured I'd answer, dear.

A) Who is to say that those women are, indeed, hetero? I think it's not fair to assume that they're STRICTLY DICKLY, just as it's not fair to assume someone is gay. I think sexuality should be left alone!!!!!!

B) I can flirt with whoever the fuck I want. It's my vag. Deal with it.

P.S. YAY!

But seriously, I think it's dense to be offended for something like that. I don't get offended when skinny people, like Tyra Banks, put on a fat suit and try to make America astounded by fat
I do agree with this. I get tired of people telling me what I'm allowed to do. I once heard someone, I think it was Beth Ditto, going on about how sometimes it feels like being mocked. She was specifically talking about that "Kissed a Girl" song that Katy Perry is known for. She doesn't like Katy very much anyway so this may have fueled her tirade a bit. Her main point was that it is really hard to be gay in just about any place these days. In many ways we are still in the dark ages in the way sexuality is viewed and approached by the world at large and then you have Katy Perry giggling along to a cute "gay-trendy" song completely detatched from the gay person's reality. While I'm not inclined to want to delegitimize someone else's experiences I wonder if this expectation is as unrealistic as the ones placed on those who are gay and opposed.
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Old 11-13-2009, 10:51 AM   #16
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@mer - flirting with other hetero guys breaks The Rules Of Bloke.. Losing your "man card" is often joked about, but would incur a lot of shit (see of course homophobia, but there's other stuff too) That's why most don't do it.. Being a straight bloke (& being perceived as such) is as tightly defined by what you don't do, as by what you do do.. hoodoo.. voodoo.. *shrugs* @FatAndProud - Stritckly Dickly! Roflmao!
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Old 11-13-2009, 11:31 AM   #17
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I do agree with this. I get tired of people telling me what I'm allowed to do. I once heard someone, I think it was Beth Ditto, going on about how sometimes it feels like being mocked. She was specifically talking about that "Kissed a Girl" song that Katy Perry is known for. She doesn't like Katy very much anyway so this may have fueled her tirade a bit. Her main point was that it is really hard to be gay in just about any place these days. In many ways we are still in the dark ages in the way sexuality is viewed and approached by the world at large and then you have Katy Perry giggling along to a cute "gay-trendy" song completely detatched from the gay person's reality. While I'm not inclined to want to delegitimize someone else's experiences I wonder if this expectation is as unrealistic as the ones placed on those who are gay and opposed.
I think though that being gay is very much a part of your identity. There are certain fashions (not always the best), words used, shared struggles (both socially and personally) that come from being growing up and living as a queer person. When someone pretends to be queer, whether it is for comedy;Which tends to happen more with guys or to be sexually provocative- alla Katy perry, It seems somehow cringy. Maby its another thing that people will continue to do, while the people they are emulating protest, until they realise and stop doing it. Its like the queer version of the Black and white minstrel show.
That kind of emulating wasn't what my friend and i were actually talking about, though i guess it is an extreme version of it. I think silly flirty talk between friends is harmless but i think that emulating a gay person for laughs or for your own ends (to get a fuck or advance in your singing career) is a bit shite to be honest!
Katy Perry is another story altogether...that song does my head in!
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Old 11-13-2009, 11:32 AM   #18
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I'm going to go on record saying that more and more hetero-girl flirting gets on my nerves. I'm not offended, per say, and certainly am flattered no matter what. But at bashes and even online, it can create noise that makes it harder for me to figure out who's actually on the up-and-up in terms of girls I could date. I don't know HOW MANY TIMES us queer girls can handle watching girls that are flirtin' hard with us go chase the boys around. Oh, the suffering...

I've done my share of hetero-girl spooning and flirting, don't get me wrong, but I have noted out loud to some at bashes, for example, that all the half-naked girly-grope time gets me down eventually because I would prefer to get that for real-real, not for play-play.

I have no idea if this makes sense!
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Old 11-13-2009, 11:36 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by activistfatgirl View Post
I'm going to go on record saying that more and more hetero-girl flirting gets on my nerves. I'm not offended, per say, and certainly am flattered no matter what. But at bashes and even online, it can create noise that makes it harder for me to figure out who's actually on the up-and-up in terms of girls I could date. I don't know HOW MANY TIMES us queer girls can handle watching girls that are flirtin' hard with us go chase the boys around. Oh, the suffering...

I've done my share of hetero-girl spooning and flirting, don't get me wrong, but I have noted out loud to some at bashes, for example, that all the half-naked girly-grope time gets me down eventually because I would prefer to get that for real-real, not for play-play.

I have no idea if this makes sense!
Makes perfect sense!
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Old 11-13-2009, 11:39 AM   #20
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Makes perfect sense to me too, AFG!

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Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
So I was naked wearing nothing but high heels with a drug laced far away look in my eyes of sorrow....and I figured I'd answer, dear.

A) Who is to say that those women are, indeed, hetero? I think it's not fair to assume that they're STRICTLY DICKLY, just as it's not fair to assume someone is gay. I think sexuality should be left alone!!!!!!

B) I can flirt with whoever the fuck I want. It's my vag. Deal with it.

P.S. YAY!

But seriously, I think it's dense to be offended for something like that. I don't get offended when skinny people, like Tyra Banks, put on a fat suit and try to make America astounded by fat
Dense? That is a pretty strong word. I know many fat people who are actually offended by Tyra wearing a fat suit.

Let's try this example. You are fat. People around you assume that you eat junk food all the time, are too lazy to exercise, don't care about your health, try to leech off the system and that you are generally careless, sloppy and out of control. You are not like this at all but nobody actually believes it. While you acknowledge that other fat people can in fact, do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies and that it is their right to be extremely vocal about it (eg. going on talkshows and insinuating that they represent all fat people - something similar caused quite a stir here), it is not exactly something you appreciate.

Now, I am sexually attracted to women only. However, most people assume I must be straight because I look feminine. Even when I correct them, many people refuse to take me seriously, especially aggressive straight men who insist that I must be one of those girls and continue their unwanted leering. It is not difficult to see where they got their ideas from. Try commercial girl/girl porn - two femmes pretending to make out until the male lead walks in, then they drop each other immediately and start worshipping his big dick. Hell, this dynamic happens in clubs everywhere. I get straight (I didn't assume, they told me) girls coming on to me all the time, tugging me in the direction of the guy they are trying to pull. More often than not, these girls insist that I am just like them and refuse to take no for an answer, especially if they are drunk or high. And there are also girls who go around boasting that they are "bi" but say things like "eating pussy is gross ewww" and "girls are good for foreplay but I need a real man to finish the job". It is irritating and oppressive enough that people make assumptions about my sexuality everyday because of my looks (this article sums it up nicely), so I certainly do not like it when such girls go around perpetuating those stereotypes.

Last edited by Cors; 11-13-2009 at 11:47 AM.
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Old 11-13-2009, 12:19 PM   #21
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Wow. This is a really interesting thread. I think girls that 'use' other girls to get attention from guys are lame beyond belief. That said, I think I'm kind of odd in that sexually I am legitimately only attracted to fat men, but that I'm also pretty orally fixated, which means that I spend kind of a lot of time kissing other people. And as far as that goes, what someone looks like stops to matter as long as they are a good kisser. Meaning that you name it, chances are I've made out with them. For a while I really did think I was bi, and a lot of people I think assume I am, but when it came down to it, I just never could take things further with a girl. For what it's worth, I can't bring myself to take things further with a thin guy, either. I think early in the game I pissed some girls off because I think they thought I was just being a jerk when I really just didn't know what I wanted. Now I'm always upfront with whoever it is I'm making out with that I don't want anything else from them, and a lot of people (girls included) are okay with that. I hope that made sense...and I hope I'm not the only person on earth who's like that! But anyway, the only real thing I have to contribute to this thread after that long-winded story is that yes, of course there are those girls who wish they were pornstars and who will do whatever it takes to snag that totallly hawt guy who wants to see some chicks get it on, but maybe sometimes the 'hetero' girl isn't trying to lead anyone on, but just hasn't quite worked out her sexuality yet. Although I would hope that those girls would be distinguishable from the ones who just want male attention.
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Old 11-13-2009, 12:44 PM   #22
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I think though that being gay is very much a part of your identity. There are certain fashions (not always the best), words used, shared struggles (both socially and personally) that come from being growing up and living as a queer person. When someone pretends to be queer, whether it is for comedy;Which tends to happen more with guys or to be sexually provocative- alla Katy perry, It seems somehow cringy. Maby its another thing that people will continue to do, while the people they are emulating protest, until they realise and stop doing it. Its like the queer version of the Black and white minstrel show.
That kind of emulating wasn't what my friend and i were actually talking about, though i guess it is an extreme version of it. I think silly flirty talk between friends is harmless but i think that emulating a gay person for laughs or for your own ends (to get a fuck or advance in your singing career) is a bit shite to be honest!
Katy Perry is another story altogether...that song does my head in!
I could never realy define my loathing for Katy Perry. a few years ago Jill Sobule gained some popularity with a song under the same title and I loved it, thought it was cute. Way better than Katy's. I just didn't like the flaunty badge attitude of hers I guess, I don't know.

I like women. I'm not a lesbian or even bi, but I do like women and find them attractive. I admire clothes, hair, even body types and at times will compliment someone on having nice parts or good taste. If anyone has been annoyed by this no one has actually said so, but in retrospect anything is possible. There's no petting, pawing or come-hither'dness in any way but at times my behavior, although seemingly tame to me, has been suspect to maybe one or two of the men I've dated. Some after having observed my interactions with my friends have accused me of having unacknowledged bisexual tendencies which is completley untrue. I told them that they were projecting either paranoia or wishful thinking on their part but they seemed pretty serious about it. It was enough to put something in the back of my mind. "OMG, am I doing something wrong??" I don't know about anyone but I hate inuendo that is non specific. "You act bi/gay," just all around feels 'ick' to me. You make direct eye contact with a man on the street and smile?? That obviously means you want to fuck him. I feel a bit defensive of my right to exist in the world and just be pleasant and enjoy myself without being accused.

I know I'm not stringing this together well. There's just too much going on in my head right now to explain it well, I'm sorry folks.
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Old 11-13-2009, 03:44 PM   #23
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I could never realy define my loathing for Katy Perry. a few years ago Jill Sobule gained some popularity with a song under the same title and I loved it, thought it was cute. Way better than Katy's. I just didn't like the flaunty badge attitude of hers I guess, I don't know.

I like women. I'm not a lesbian or even bi, but I do like women and find them attractive. I admire clothes, hair, even body types and at times will compliment someone on having nice parts or good taste. If anyone has been annoyed by this no one has actually said so, but in retrospect anything is possible. There's no petting, pawing or come-hither'dness in any way but at times my behavior, although seemingly tame to me, has been suspect to maybe one or two of the men I've dated. Some after having observed my interactions with my friends have accused me of having unacknowledged bisexual tendencies which is completley untrue. I told them that they were projecting either paranoia or wishful thinking on their part but they seemed pretty serious about it. It was enough to put something in the back of my mind. "OMG, am I doing something wrong??" I don't know about anyone but I hate inuendo that is non specific. "You act bi/gay," just all around feels 'ick' to me. You make direct eye contact with a man on the street and smile?? That obviously means you want to fuck him. I feel a bit defensive of my right to exist in the world and just be pleasant and enjoy myself without being accused.

I know I'm not stringing this together well. There's just too much going on in my head right now to explain it well, I'm sorry folks.
Aye, i see what you are saying. I have been told that i am a flirtatious person by nature with both men and women. I really enjoy people, love being around them and if someone is wearing something i think looks great or says something i think is brilliant i will compliment them. I think you can have cheeky banter with people that is totally harmless. i see nothing wrong with this in any way.
I think there are two seperate things being talked about here. The initial hetro to hetro woman flirting that my friend was talking about. I thought it was interesting so brought it up here. There is also the emulation of queer people, which has been brought up and which i find to be either a bit crass, anoying or insulting depending on the context.
I don't think people should have to constantly check themselves for fear of someone 'accusing' them of being gay/bi?? I find that really weird.. How do you act gay/bi anyway? Well, i guess kissing another woman in a club might be seen as an act of being gay/bi -If you did THAT i could see where people would get the impression from. Hmmm..Its funny though because there have been countless times when people have said i 'don't act gay' -I often wonder what i should be doing... i mean how can i do more to be gay that having a partner of the same gender???
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Old 11-13-2009, 03:48 PM   #24
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Now I'm always upfront with whoever it is I'm making out with that I don't want anything else from them, and a lot of people (girls included) are okay with that.
Honesty is always the best policy. I think if you are upfront with people there is less chance of them being harmed. Though, people sometimes will go along with things hoping for more and hoping that you will change your mind and give them more and get hurt anyway. But i guess thats life.
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Old 11-13-2009, 04:20 PM   #25
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Aye, i see what you are saying. I have been told that i am a flirtatious person by nature with both men and women. I really enjoy people, love being around them and if someone is wearing something i think looks great or says something i think is brilliant i will compliment them. I think you can have cheeky banter with people that is totally harmless. i see nothing wrong with this in any way.
I think there are two seperate things being talked about here. The initial hetro to hetro woman flirting that my friend was talking about. I thought it was interesting so brought it up here. There is also the emulation of queer people, which has been brought up and which i find to be either a bit crass, anoying or insulting depending on the context.
I don't think people should have to constantly check themselves for fear of someone 'accusing' them of being gay/bi?? I find that really weird.. How do you act gay/bi anyway? Well, i guess kissing another woman in a club might be seen as an act of being gay/bi -If you did THAT i could see where people would get the impression from. Hmmm..Its funny though because there have been countless times when people have said i 'don't act gay' -I often wonder what i should be doing... i mean how can i do more to be gay that having a partner of the same gender???
I do have female friends and we do flirt from time to time. No petting or kissing and all that stuff. Just silly bantor like, "You sexy thang you!" Or some kind of off the wall remark about how freakin' hot she looks in her boots. Rarely is this done when there are men around. If there were it was merely incidental and not in any way meant to entice or whatever. I just think at times it's nice to hear those things so as friends we say them to each other. Coming from a guy or a stranger it could be confusing but coming from a girlfriend who you know isn't trying to initiate anything it can be freely enjoyed for fun. There are certain people I know not to do that with though. I just wondered if it was this kind of interaction that people found objectionable or is it something much more intense? I have to be honest, I've never been witness to anything beyond what I've mentioned so I admit I'm a bit like Gomer Pyle in that regard. I didn't know straight chicks did that stuff.
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