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Old 11-13-2009, 12:01 PM   #1
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Exclamation What a Female, Overweight Dr. Thinks of BBW/SBBW Women ~ I'm Furious!!!

Sorry so long, but you'll be speechless by what happened.....

OK, some of you might remember my post about my pain dr in the BBW IC thread. For those that don't, here's a review: 1) I HATE going. 2) Every time I go she practically berates me over my weight and the need to lose it. 3) I know I need to lose weight for my health, and I've told her that. 4) I know it's her medical duty to discuss health issues/problems she sees in me. 5) The main problem is that the *entire* time I'm there, she's all over me about losing weight. Going to her makes me miserable and feel worse about myself. 6) She won't do anything other than write me my two prescriptions until I lose weight. No other treatments until then. She holds that over my head to make me lose weight even though she knows I'm in pain 24/7. 7) I cannot go to another pain management doctor for a multitude of reasons. She's it.

OK, so here's what happened yesterday at my last appointment.....

I get weighed, I've gained (again ). She comes in and is all over me about my weight, that I'm miserable, that I'd get a better guy (than the one I was previously seeing) if I lost weight, on and on.

I spoke to her about the way I felt when she talked to me that way. She could care less.

She also said that if I didn't lose weight (and in large quantities) that she discharge me as a patient. Not because I was abusing my medication, skipping appointments, but because I wasn't being "compliant" by not losing weight. She said that she had another patient that lost 50lbs, and that she (the dr.) needs to lose 50lbs but cannot. WTF!!!!

Then get this....... She said all the women that weighed too much (I don't remember the term she used) and felt good and confident about themselves at such a weight were........BLIND!! That they couldn't really be happy about themselves, find a "quality" mate, etc unless they were their ideal body weight (by medical standards). I couldn't believe she said that.......BLIND!!!! She said that as she was walking out the door........I was too stunned to say anything. So apparently to a female, overweight dr, fat women are blind if they think they look good, are confident, etc, that if you're fat and not losing, you deserve less medical care, and that fat women cannot get a better quality boyfriend/husband. I want to slap her.

The first thought that came through my head was of all the women on Dims that were happy with themselves. How she not only insulted me, she insulted a huge amount of women.

I don't know if this is "legal" to talk about this here, but here goes..... She sent me to a weight-management doctor once. He was also an internist, so I changed my PCP to him. He was a GREAT internist. As for the weight-management, I never once felt insulted, slighted, or in any way "less than" while seeing him. He treated me with respect and spoke to me with respect. I never left his office in shock and feeling worse about myself and my body. He always had a positive and caring attitude. I always felt better after seeing him. Unfortunately, he decided to stop taking my insurance, so I can no longer see him. I actually lost weight while I was seeing him.....maybe because I felt respect from him and didn't feel like I was an awful person for being big.

I am so angry.
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Old 11-13-2009, 12:31 PM   #2
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If it were me I would start shopping for another Doctor and then send her a letter telling her she was discharged as your doctor and why. If she is part of a clinic or health centre perhaps the administrator of the facility should get a copy of the letter.
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Old 11-13-2009, 01:02 PM   #3
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Turn your anger and outrage into both writing her a letter and filing some kind of complaint about her with the appropriate group/board/hospital whatever. I understand the need to vent, but you're the only person who can do something about this. You deserve better.
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:53 PM   #4
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I am so sorry this happened to you.

I really would do everything in your power to find a different doctor. Not because you don't need to lose weight (that is for you and your doctor to decide together) but because clearly your personalities are conflicting enough that it is adversely affecting your treatment. It may be worth your while to check with the doctor you did like to see if they are back with your insurance or even if there is something they can work out.

Doctors are humans too and this human sounds like she's projecting as well as very stubborn. That's probably not a good mix.

Jes is right only you can fix this problem, and I will send good thoughts your way to finding a new doctor.
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Old 11-13-2009, 03:34 PM   #5
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What a nightmare. I'm sorry.
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Old 11-13-2009, 04:37 PM   #6
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Here you go, have at it:

http://www.ratemydoctor.com/

http://www.ratemds.com/

http://www.doctorscorecard.com/

Were it me, I'd then also write some letters. One maybe to the AMA, and carbon copy her, in a very dispassionate, professional way (I suggest writing the hot pen version first -- get it all out, and then re-write), describing succinctly what happened, that she is fat herself and likely has her own issues that she is taking out on patients (I'm sure you're not the only one).

The way she acted was very professional. I'm sorry you suffered her ignorance and obvious body issues.
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Old 11-14-2009, 10:27 AM   #7
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Jeeze! I'm furious and it didn't even happen to me!! 'Compliant'!... its not like you are gaining weight just to anoy her! Surely this woman needs to be wrist slapped by some higher power. Actually my friend just got a letter saying she 'failed' CBT (cogantive behavioural therapy)- SHE was the one who was failed. Your doctor is the one not being compliant to YOUR needs. Yeah, i think Drs just think they can get away with treating fat people like shit because they don't think the fat people with complain because they themselves usually want to lose weight, so in some around about way are agreeing with their Dr.. even though it is obviously not as easy as some Drs make out to actually lose weight!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr!! Yeah.. Angry letter writing sounds good to me. I wonder what the legal side of things is like.. ie can you sue her?? Is it legal to kill her? etc etc...
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Old 11-14-2009, 03:47 PM   #8
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Report her to the medical board by filing a formal complaint.
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Old 11-14-2009, 09:08 PM   #9
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Thanks all for the support and advice.

I plan on filing a formal complaint (and cc her on it), but I must find another doctor before I file it. I have to have a pain management doctor (I have a pain disorder that's hard to treat and regular doctors or even specialists like neurologists don't want to even try to treat it because it's so complicated.).

The problem is that pain management is a very small field in all the various specialties and finding one that takes my particular type of Medicaid (they have these weird "insurance" carriers. It changes every single year.). There are only two in my area (well, even 100s of miles away). One isn't taking more Medicaid patients because of problems with Medicaid. He also is slowly discharging his Medicaid patients. The other pain doctor is her. She's thinking of no longer accepting Medicaid patients (I think she already might be doing that). She told me once she's been discharging Medicaid patients, but the ones that really need her because of the high levels of pain and difficulty in treating it (me), she'll keep them on.....until she gets sick of it all. It's sooooooooooo complicated. The county hospital won't take me for long-term treatment because all the pain drs left the pain clinic because of hospital mismanagement. The only one left is the pain clinic director and this is for a major metropolitan city.... All he is doing is discharging patients that come in, have surgery and need a pain pumps ordered to be removed. Sooooooooooooo, that makes finding a new dr extremely difficult.

She's not part of a clinic or hospital (she does have privileges at several hospitals).

I think she's projecting too......that was a thought that went through my head when she was on her tirade. It's just......unbelievable and outrageous that she thinks that other women that are fat that see themselves in a positive light are blind. Her tone made it seem like she thought they were stupid for thinking highly of themselves.

I'll be moving in the near future (same state) and hopefully I'll be able to find another in that area. I'm wanting to move out of state in a couple years. I think I found a place that will have more options for me <crossing my fingers>.

You have no idea how sick I get of dealing with all this medical crap. One problem solved, then another crops up.

P.S. Tina, thanks for the links :-)
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Last edited by MizzSnakeBite; 11-14-2009 at 09:17 PM. Reason: Added something
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Old 11-14-2009, 09:16 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Actually my friend just got a letter saying she 'failed' CBT (cogantive behavioural therapy)- SHE was the one who was failed. Your doctor is the one not being compliant to YOUR needs. Yeah, i think Drs just think they can get away with treating fat people like shit because they don't think the fat people with complain because they themselves usually want to lose weight, so in some around about way are agreeing with their Dr.. even though it is obviously not as easy as some Drs make out to actually lose weight!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr!! Yeah.. Angry letter writing sounds good to me. I wonder what the legal side of things is like.. ie can you sue her?? Is it legal to kill her? etc etc...
That just reminded me.......she said that by my gaining weight her treatment failed, so she was going to discharge me for not being compliant. See, they get bonuses from the state if a patients health improves, they discharge someone because they're cured or something...

I'd love to strangle her........and she knows it. lol Too bad it's not legal.
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Old 11-16-2009, 01:10 AM   #11
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Sounds to me like an intense case of self-hatred projected, unfortunately, onto YOU. I do hope you can find a better doctor soon. This woman does your health NO good, no matter what your weight might be!
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Old 11-16-2009, 07:55 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzSnakeBite View Post
That just reminded me.......she said that by my gaining weight her treatment failed, so she was going to discharge me for not being compliant. See, they get bonuses from the state if a patients health improves, they discharge someone because they're cured or something...

I'd love to strangle her........and she knows it. lol Too bad it's not legal.
Yeah..she is a fucker. I am sure that legally she is not allowed to do this. Your weight gain could have been because of psychological reasons, which are part of the medical model which she is suposed to be adhering to! Hellz, you could have gained weight because of the pressure SHE is putting you under. Psychological or not.. if weight gain stops her from being able to help people she is a shite doctor and should be struck off.. and also strangled! *If this is being read out in a court of law as evidence...can i just say..Mzsnakebite was driven to it.. thank you m'laud*
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Old 11-16-2009, 08:32 AM   #13
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I think that it is appalling, how you were treated. That said, there is a major problem with many people being able to even find pain management treatment when they are on medicaid, and it seems that you are already aware of this. Since pain management clinics are usually fee-for-service (even those covered by traditional managed care plans via employers or private pay can find it very, very difficult to obtain pain management services), numerous providers are dropping medicaid coverage altogether -- for numerous reasons, including the enormous stacks of paperwork involved, but primarily because there is a cap on the reimbursement amount from medicaid vs. private insurance coverage. One thing that you may want to consider is how difficult it may be for you to find another provider, if she does in fact terminate services with you.

I'm in no way implying that her treatment of you was fair -- ye Gods, no. But I do know how difficult it is for my medicaid patients to find adequate pain management services. Many of them have to go through their primary physicians, for opioids only, and as I'm sure you already know, primaries are usually woefully inadequate in dealing with pain management issues. They are too concerned about being sued, investigated, many of them are highly suspicious of their patients (feel that they are drug seekers/clock watchers, etc) and frankly, very uneducated about chronic pain management.

Since you are moving soon, hopefully, you will be able to find another provider and tell this woman to kiss your ass as you're marching out the door. Until then, though ... give some consideration to what may happen if you rock the boat too much with her. She is not under legal obligation to provide treatment to you. She can discharge you at any time, for just about any reason.

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Old 11-16-2009, 10:28 AM   #14
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MizzSnakeBite... oh my gosh. That's awful! I hope that you can find another doctor who has more empathy and has more to offer you than threats and a lack of understanding.

Is there another doctor in that practice? Any chance you can reach out to that provider, either to be a mediator or to help you get care?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. There is no excuse for that behavior -- it's verbal abuse, plain and simple.
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Old 11-16-2009, 04:25 PM   #15
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Wow, your doctor was completely unprofessional. I would definitely file a complaint about her.
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Old 11-18-2009, 07:50 PM   #16
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mizz, if she is contracted with your health insurance, you can file a grievance with your insurance company for "rude treatment"... the provider relations dept can actually get involved about the treatment their members are receiving from Drs they pay.. hope it all goes well!!
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Old 11-18-2009, 07:54 PM   #17
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MizzSnakeBite : I think it is time that you kick your doctor's big ass to the curb!!
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