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Old 11-16-2009, 10:37 AM   #1
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Default Something that struck a cord in me.

I was watching a movie the other night about a woman who goes home to take care of her terminally ill mom and finds out some perceptions she had about her family were skewed. There is a scene where the mom makes her daughter sit and talk to her as she neared the end of her life to address the anger she has towards her father. The daughter thought perhaps her father is having an affair (finds out later that is not the case) and has taken her mother for granted all these years and is playing her small. The mom is tired of being shushed when she has been trying to talk to her family about how she is feeling as she fights cancer and says something like this;
There comes a time in your life when a woman sees her body soften and sag and along with that her life has turned out differently than she dreamed of when she was young. And she learns at that point to be thankful for what she has ad stops yearning for all the things she thinks she thought she wanted. There is a peace in that.
The mom came to terms with the fact that she loved being a wife and mother, volunteering in her community and helping her friends and illustrated that with some stories for the daughter. She didn't regret the choices she made.

I think that I too learned to be thankful for what I have. Years ago when things weren't good I focused on all the things I didn't have. A close family, a husband not as romantic as I wanted, a house not finished and up to my standard...etc. When I worked more on putting myself back together and looking at what I had rather than what I didn't I found that peace she was talking about. I have a husband who really loves me and we have stuck it out through trials and tribulations, kids I love, an extended family of adopted kids and grand kids that have asked me to be in their family, a job I love and finally having some freed up cash to fix up the house. I have tried things that I was afraid to do and continue to grow and learn through courses and seminars. I guess having had a discussion with a close friend who was with me through the rough times and expressed to me that they feel that I am in the same place as I was when they first met me, made me examine this. And then the movie reminded me that there can often be a peace with ones life that others looking in don't see. Any thoughts/experiences ladies?
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Old 11-16-2009, 12:09 PM   #2
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This has been a large part of my experience, too. Getting older has softened my perspective in some ways, most particularly in that I'm far more likely to be as forgiving of myself as I am of others.

If I'm not mistaken, I think that you have a job that is very similar to mine, in that we both serve vulnerable and marginalized people. I think that gives us a unique perspective that many others don't have, Ruffie. My job can be ... agony at times, as I've no doubt yours is too ... but at the end of the day, I get to put all of that aside and go to my comfortable home with my husband and beautiful child. I don't underestimate the blessings inherent in things that many of us take for granted.

I yearn for my youth at times, most particularly when I look into my 3-year-old's sweet little upturned face as he's begging me to pick him up and I'm thinking about my creaky shoulder and lower back problems. I worry that I won't be all that he deserves. Yet at the same time, I know that I have a wisdom and maturity and patience that I didn't have in my 20's or even my 30's. Every day, I am just so grateful that we have Jegan. That so many factors aligned so perfectly and brought him into our lives. Having a child is the most humbling experience that I know of. I no longer feel that my life is completely my own. It's all about him now ... or at least, mostly. Jerry and I still try to maintain a vestige of 'self' by providing each other with opportunities to get out and away for a while. Right now, I'm just looking forward to the day when we can 'get out and away' TOGETHER

I don't spend so much time yearning for things, baubles, bigger house, nicer car. I actually never had much use for those things, but when I was younger, they symbolized 'success' to me. Now, they are just ... stuff. Hub and I actually want to sell our house and move into a small condo within easy walking distance of work/Jegan's future school. A simplified life. THAT is what I yearn for, now. No hour-and-a-half commutes (each way), keeping a house in a semblance of order, etc. I can't eliminate every stress & every hassle ... and wouldn't want to, even if I could ... but anything that we can realistically do to strip away the unnecessary so that we can spend more time home/hearthside with our child ... seems of utmost importance to me.
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Old 11-16-2009, 02:21 PM   #3
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I hear ya Traci. Alot of why we are fixing up the house is to be able to sell kit down the road(paid off in 6 years) so we can downsize it and move to a smaller place. Our kids are about grown. Rob 21 and out of the huse and Jerry 19 and he will be leaving the nest evetually too so why have a big house?

You are correct in that our jobs are simular and yhes when we see the struggles and pain our clients go through we can put our own into perspective and begin to be happy with what we have. I have never been a materialistic person, but used to yearn for the closer family (aunts uncles cousinsetc)relationships that I saw others have, the romantic gestures I saw others have with their spouses . I came to realize that people do what they can and there are always others in your life that can fill that gap for you. Thanks for takking the time to share your thoughts on this!
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Old 11-16-2009, 04:27 PM   #4
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I envy your peace. I haven't been content within myself for a while now, my life feels as if it is in constant flux. I feel like I want so, so much and I must have it. I'm working too hard, not sleeping enough, partying more than I probably should be. There's times I can almost feel the peace just sort of hovering out of my reach, but I can't find my way towards it *sigh* Right now I'm just praying for guidance and that I'll find the path i'm meant to be walking again.
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Old 11-16-2009, 08:21 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Tau View Post
I envy your peace. I haven't been content within myself for a while now, my life feels as if it is in constant flux. I feel like I want so, so much and I must have it. I'm working too hard, not sleeping enough, partying more than I probably should be. There's times I can almost feel the peace just sort of hovering out of my reach, but I can't find my way towards it *sigh* Right now I'm just praying for guidance and that I'll find the path i'm meant to be walking again.
Tau I think every person on this planet has been where you are now at least a time or two in their life and more if you "old" like me LOL! What I have found is this time always proceeds getting something you are searching for in your life. Heck we don't get it all at once but the pieces just fall into place one by one. Am I totally happy with everything in my life? No. But part of my peace is from acknowledging and accepting what is good in my life and continuing to work on me and moving towards the goals I set for myself. In both the letting go and working towards something I find a little peace and trust me girl if you have prayed about guidance and you keep walking eventually your path will reveal itself! Good luck!
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Old 11-23-2009, 07:23 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Ruffie View Post
Tau I think every person on this planet has been where you are now at least a time or two in their life and more if you "old" like me LOL! What I have found is this time always proceeds getting something you are searching for in your life. Heck we don't get it all at once but the pieces just fall into place one by one. Am I totally happy with everything in my life? No. But part of my peace is from acknowledging and accepting what is good in my life and continuing to work on me and moving towards the goals I set for myself. In both the letting go and working towards something I find a little peace and trust me girl if you have prayed about guidance and you keep walking eventually your path will reveal itself! Good luck!
Thanks so much Ruffie *hugz* I'll just keep swimming
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