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Old 12-04-2009, 10:53 AM   #1
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Default Hi everyone, I'm a little disheartend these days.

Please allow me to introduce myself,


My name is Sonny, I'm a 35 year old male bodybuilder. I've been a nutritionist for 15 years, I love my work, and I came to the realization many years ago that overweight doesn't neccesarily mean out of shape ( my mother is 60lbs overweight and she can kick my butt in cardio section of the gym any day under the sun ). As a bodybuilder, I compete at the national level, so I guess you could say that I represent a perticular stereotype based on my outward appearance ( as I'm sure everyone here already knows, being stereotyped sucks ). Most people would assume that my ideal woman would be the stereotypical thin fitness crazed ripped abs woman who spends more time in the mirror then I do LOL. However that is not the case, and from the time I was 11 years old, it never has been. I've always been attracted to BBW, that's something about me that has never changed over the years, it's not a fetish as some would call it, but most definitley a preferance that I've always cherished and that's become second nature . It would appear from the outset that I'm in a fortunate position, however, that hasn't been the case. for the past several years, every time I've tried to approach a BBW in a public setting, it's been to no avail. Either I'm met with a look of apprehension, or I'm just flat out ignored , or given the evil eye. It's getting to the point where I'm becoming a little disheartened, so if may ask you all. What am I doing wrong ?
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Old 12-04-2009, 02:28 PM   #2
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I am not a BBW but, in order for this question to be answered wouldn't the girls need an example of your approach before it can be critiqued?
What do you use as a conversation opener, how do you carry yourself in public, does it matter how you are dressed as to the responses received etc? Is there a particular type of location that you find yourself trying to approach women such as supermarkets or public laundry or more private areas or is this in a variety of different locations? I can tell you from one guy to another that in a lot of cases no matter how nice you appear, or how pleasant your conversation starter, a lot of BBWs view unsolicited male attention with curiosity and distrust so you do take a risk in approaching larger women, but one worth taking. I can also tell you that if you are a bodybuilder you may be perceived differently because of your physical stature alone which may be intimidating to many gender notwithstanding.
You may also want to ask someone close to you if they would find you creepy, aggressive, or intimidating if you approached them as a stranger and adjust your deportment to be less so if this is the case. You wouldn't even have to say you were looking for a BBW but that in approaching women in general you are treated this way if you didn't think they would understand your preference, just to get feedback from someone who knows you, your physical appearance, and your mannerisms that you take for granted.
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Old 12-04-2009, 02:37 PM   #3
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I don't think it's as simple as thinking you're doing something specifically wrong, Sonny. In addition to the usual normal amount of unsuccessful attempts at picking up a lady there is a varying layer of self-acceptance and trust within the BBW herself that has been built up over time. You're not just inviting someone to go out with you but you're also having to overcome a mountain of ingrained societal noise within the woman telling her she's <insert size bigotry unhappiness here> and not worthy as well as a lot of suspicion as to your motives, i.e., is he (you) joking, did someone put him up to this, did he hit on all the other girls until just the fat ones were left, blahcetera. Not that every fat woman (overweight as a term has a lot of bad connotations among BBW) thinks like this, for sure, but enough do, sadly.

This is a common feeling from what I've read of the FAs here on Dims. This The Approach thread http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=66536 is just one of several I've seen talking about how other people are having the same concern as you. I also think a careful reading of what women here ourselves have to say would be really helpful, too.
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Old 12-04-2009, 07:59 PM   #4
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Just a reminder here:

The OP of this thread is asking specifically for bbw input. If you are not a bbw, please refrain from commenting in this thread. A PM to the OP would be just as helpful. Thanks for your cooperation.

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Old 12-05-2009, 07:00 PM   #5
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If I'm not mistaken..Is this not a veiled personal ad?
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Old 12-05-2009, 07:13 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by indy500tchr View Post
If I'm not mistaken..Is this not a veiled personal ad?
I was thinking this too.
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Old 12-05-2009, 08:53 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by DameQ View Post
I don't think it's as simple as thinking you're doing something specifically wrong, Sonny. In addition to the usual normal amount of unsuccessful attempts at picking up a lady there is a varying layer of self-acceptance and trust within the BBW herself that has been built up over time. You're not just inviting someone to go out with you but you're also having to overcome a mountain of ingrained societal noise within the woman telling her she's <insert size bigotry unhappiness here> and not worthy as well as a lot of suspicion as to your motives, i.e., is he (you) joking, did someone put him up to this, did he hit on all the other girls until just the fat ones were left, blahcetera. Not that every fat woman (overweight as a term has a lot of bad connotations among BBW) thinks like this, for sure, but enough do, sadly.

This is a common feeling from what I've read of the FAs here on Dims. This The Approach thread http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=66536 is just one of several I've seen talking about how other people are having the same concern as you. I also think a careful reading of what women here ourselves have to say would be really helpful, too.
totally what she said
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Old 12-05-2009, 10:29 PM   #8
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I've heard say this before - I think that at first I would be put off by the fact that you were a "bodybuilder" type I would think you were approaching me as some sort of joke. Not because I'm insecure but because It has happened before. I would say be persistent without being creepy. Most women will come around if you really show you are sincere
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Old 12-05-2009, 10:55 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by bigsexy920 View Post
I've heard say this before - I think that at first I would be put off by the fact that you were a "bodybuilder" type I would think you were approaching me as some sort of joke. Not because I'm insecure but because It has happened before. I would say be persistent without being creepy. Most women will come around if you really show you are sincere
This is almost ALWAYS my reaction when conventionally attractive men approach me... because it usually IS the case, or they just want my friend, or whatever. I wish i would do it less though.
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Old 12-05-2009, 11:21 PM   #10
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This is almost ALWAYS my reaction when conventionally attractive men approach me... because it usually IS the case, or they just want my friend, or whatever. I wish i would do it less though.
I've NEVER had what society deems a "hot guy" come up to me before. I don't think I would know what to do with myself. I'd probably think it was a joke too. Since most guys don't approach bbw's in public like that.

And boys before you get your boxers in a bunch I said MOST guys not all.
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Old 12-06-2009, 01:48 AM   #11
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How about going to a bash and meeting some very pretty and interesting women that way...Try not to come on to strong and what ever you do: DO NOT GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW HOT YOU THINK HER BODY IS!!!!!

Maybe if you get to meet some of the people of Dims and they see you are for real then they might have a friend that is single..Just a couple of suggestions..
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:11 AM   #12
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By 'public setting' do you mean usually in the gym? I've had a couple of men approach me before in the gym and looking back I've just shot them down before they even had a chance. I feel a bit vulnerable in the gym as I've had experiences where people try to 'cheer me on' or give me unsolicited advice which is both patronising and frustrating. I've even have one guy try to get me to train as a body builder as he thought I had the perfect 'starting figure' to begin training which was SO not a good approach. Overall my experiences have left me feeling very wary and unfair as it is, I tend to go to the gym with an invisible wall around me.

If this is the case and you are chatting people up at the gym as I guess it's where you spend most of your time, like BigSexy said, non-creepy persistence is the key. Make eye contact, smile a lot and make general conversation about something non-gym related and you should be able to gain some trust.

If you are being shot-down out of the gym in other public settings, think about your approach. Are you being too direct? You say that you are 'in a fortunate position', what do you mean by this? Do you just bowl on up to a girl and act like she should be grateful? (Sorry if this sounds harsh, but think about it, could your approach be perceived like this?). Modesty is an attractive quality; it might get you further than you think.
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:19 AM   #13
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I can honestly say that the first 5 minutes someone might question if you like BBWs but if you are sincere, your actions, words and demeanor would kill that...i have dated a nationally rated rollerblader, a couple of bodybuilders and other types of athletes...yeah, some people see it as funny...i just describe it as hard likes soft...has always worked for me, let them wonder if it is true or not, i just enjoy it.
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Old 12-06-2009, 06:57 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by indy500tchr View Post
If I'm not mistaken..Is this not a veiled personal ad?
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it is a genuine question, in which case, my answer would be that perhaps OP, you are coming on too strong. Try toning it down. It's also possible that the women you approach simply aren't attracted to your body builder body, and it might have zero to do with the hard vs soft thing.
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Old 12-08-2009, 07:01 AM   #15
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I can se how some would think that this is Veiled personal ad. However it is not, my frustration is real, please take me at my word.
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Old 12-08-2009, 07:05 AM   #16
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I would like to say thank you to everyone that has responded. This advise has been very valuable. I'll keep you all posted.
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Old 12-18-2009, 11:56 AM   #17
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My name is Sonny, I'm a 35 year old male bodybuilder. I've been a nutritionist for 15 years, I love my work, and I came to the realization many years ago that overweight doesn't neccesarily mean out of shape
More than a few people here are in enviable physical condition and have good strong muscle under their fat. My doctor has said that I'm much healthier than many of her thin patients who assume they're healthy simply because they're thin and therefore abuse their bodies.

And of course round is the perfect shape, ya know.
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:01 PM   #18
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Default It might not even be you.

Your BBW may not even be rejecting you. She may simply be rejecting romantic love and happiness, since it usually carries the possibility of being hurt. Some of us have been hurt very deeply, used badly, and don't want any more of it if we can help it. The bigger the chance at love or pleasure, well, the bigger the chance at getting hurt. You may have to prove to her that you're worth it to her, which has nothing to do with how awesome you are, and everything to do with how awesome you make her feel.
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:19 PM   #19
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I dont think its you or your approach. But you do have to understand that a lot of us bbws and ssbbws have been mocked and made a joke of so many times its hard to tell when someone is being for real.. So if your ignored or some one is rude with you its more then likely the girl keeping her guard up. After awhile you just build up a tuff outer shell..But thats just my opinion..
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