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Old 12-25-2009, 05:26 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by krismiss View Post
And, I raise this topic with almost every thin guy I talk to just because I find it interesting too (well, and because i'm a wee bit paranoid still). I mean, I talk to people on a FEEDING-centered website that are marathon runners, personal trainers, a bodybuilder. I bring it up, you know, "Why are you so... not fat?" And I always get the same response, "it doesn't look good on guys" or the "guys are supposed to be thinner" or I even had some guy tell me "Well, it's nature. your bodies are meant to have more body fat biologically."
Thanks for these insights, Kris. I've heard many comments along those lines, too.

Of course, for me, that doesn't make sense. It's like saying men were "meant" to be big and strong and women to be soft and delicate. Or something! Basically, I don't buy into essentialist notions of gender. If women's bodies are "meant" to have more fat, "biologically," does that mean that men who are fatter and women who are thinner are somehow biological freaks? There's a better way of understanding difference than that!

So I end up seeing those kinds of comments as virtual shrugs--just another way of someone saying, "There may be a basic contradiction in it, but that's just what I'm into, and so it makes sense to me." Which I'm fine with--the only time I'm not fine with it is when it becomes a mantra that someone tries to impose on others. I think in those cases it becomes very problematic.
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Old 12-25-2009, 05:30 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by mcbeth View Post
I may have misinterpreted your intial question, or perhaps because of the larger context I added more meaning than you intended. I guess it's just because the focus was on body size, saying "thin partners" and focusing on body preferences, etc. It's probably just my own hangup in wanting to keep away from having body size be the primary and defining attribute of me or someone else while in a relationship. That's why I really loved what GEF said about wanting to be accepted at any weight, and striving to do the same for her partner.

Apologies if I misconstrued your question.
No apologies necessary! I was trying to tease out more of what you meant, and I may have failed miserably.
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Old 12-25-2009, 06:50 PM   #28
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I have to say that.....it's come to light to me.....that one of THE most important things to me in a relationship is a man that has NO weight requirements for me, period.

If he cannot say the magic words of " I like/love you no matter what you weigh" then that fool's a goner. No bullshit. It's bottom line with me. (New bf said it.......didn't ask for it....never expressed it as a requirement.....just something he said.....and it cinched it for me)
Exactly, and I'm glad to hear your new bf feels that way. That was one of several reasons I knew my guy was "the one". His previous girlfriends were thin, though, so I had my doubts. Then the first time we were majorly kissing and fondling, he reached under my top so I naturally expected him to fondle my breasts. Nope, he fondled my belly instead. "What are you doing?" "I want to get to know all of you." Good answer!

Hubby is more than happy to let me wear the fat in our household, because that happens to be the natural order of things. His attitude is fat is best when it's female, and for that I am thankful.
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Old 12-25-2009, 06:55 PM   #29
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Hubby is more than happy to let me wear the fat in our household, because that happens to be the natural order of things. His attitude is fat is best when it's female, and for that I am thankful.
I see what you did there! Fat = Pants!

Could you say more about what you think your hubby means by "best," as quoted above?
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Old 12-25-2009, 07:38 PM   #30
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I see what you did there! Fat = Pants!

Could you say more about what you think your hubby means by "best," as quoted above?
Oky doky. I just asked my husband to remind me again why female fat (and my fat in particular) is best. Bear in mind that Art is an engineer. He mentioned that in scientific terms the physiological, metabolic and structural functions of fat are pretty well known. (Sue = ZZZZzzzz....) However he swiftly added that the biology textbooks have a glaring omission about fat being soft, warm, curvy, huggable, inviting, comforting, jiggly, electric to the touch etc. as well as sugar and spice and everything nice. Good answer ... I think.

He also said I'm the first and only fat girl he ever dated, and in our 27-plus years of marriage he's exposed to an abundance of fine feminine fat every day in our household, so I have shaped his ideals. Aha, I brainwashed him! How cool is that? I gotta be me.

Somehow I doubt these sorts of steamy hot romantic exchanges will ever find their way into a romance novel, but they work for us.
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Old 01-10-2010, 01:36 PM   #31
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When I was with my ex, he openly told me that I was beautiful and that he was attracted to both thin and fat women. However, at times he would say he needed to work out more because he was getting fat (and I promise you there was not a bit of fat on his body). Sometimes it made me wonder how he could like my fat if he thought fat was a negative thing for himself.

Overall, however, it doesn't bother me. Just makes me lift my brows a little...
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Old 01-31-2010, 04:05 PM   #32
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The only time I'm bothered by a thin guy liking me fat, is if he freaks out at the tiniest hint that he's gained weight. Then again, I've noticed a lot of the thin, lanky guys want to work out the bulk up muscle (or fat, in one case). Whether from childhood bullying or whatnot, they've gotten the mindset that being thin and lean is akin to scrawny, and no one wants a weakling.

I guess I'm pretty bisizual, or pansizual, as the case may be. I like androgynously thin, to obese, and the bodies of Olympian competitors are pretty damn fine, too. The only body shape I don't like is the hard, round beer gut look. (Which is probably why I'm not as attracted to feedees; but I love me a foodee who gains without trying.) I like my guys "bigger" than me, even if that just means they're taller (which, at 5'2, isn't hard ).

I have no relationship/sexual experience to talk of, really. Guys from online dating sites stop talking to me once they see a pic of more than my face. And I'm not interested in just sex, so I don't really even talk to those guys. Assholes tend to weed themselves out early.
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Old 01-31-2010, 04:12 PM   #33
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My bests friends call me fat, sometimes. I like, it dont bother to me.
My best friend loves to rest on my tummy.
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Old 01-31-2010, 04:57 PM   #34
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It doesn't bother me to be with a thin man, nor a fat man. I'm not hugely for (or against) body builders but have noted a tendency to want to give shoulder love bites (!) to guys with, say, David Boreanaz' shape, in recent years. Maybe it's just that shoulder bulk, not necessarily the "cut" thing. Hrmmm, must study this more.

It does seem a little odd to me when a guy worries over weight gains but it's his body and I wouldn't feel right telling him not to. I would mention it made me a little sad but there's absolutely nothing wrong with working out and being stronger, either. I still have a strong anti-exercise grudge going but if I had a guy who was into work outs, walking or swimming (or something) I'd probably be more likely to do it as well. Buddy system, and all.
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Old 02-07-2010, 03:00 AM   #35
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In my experience being a BBW, the thin or average-sized man who wants to be with a fat woman who stays fat is often doing so out of a sense of low self esteem. They want the fat woman because they think nobody else will want her, so she'll stay with him. If she wants to lose weight or DOES lose weight, they are threatened by this because it means she may be attractive to others. I have NEVER been involved with a man who genuinely PREFERS a bigger woman because he actually finds her size to be attractive. The men I've been with have been with me in SPITE of my size, not because of it.
If a woman comes across this, as a BBW, I don't think each woman would know how to tell whether or not this man just has a strong physical preference for a larger build or if his "attraction" is coming from a need to control how attractive she is to others, out of his own insecurities, so that the woman is kept for himself.

FA's have preferences but maybe the test in the above situation is to see how a particular FA will continue to love a woman even if she does lose some weight.

A man like that, when confronted, would most likely deny that's what he's doing or he might turn it around and say, "You're just insecure about your weight and you don't believe I really like you fat! That's why you want to lose weight and look like what society tells you to look like!"

Talk about mindfuckery...
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Old 02-07-2010, 06:37 AM   #36
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Sure I believe FAs exist. I just haven't personally MET ONE, at least not one that was ever interested in me for anything other than sex.

To be honest, in my experience men are willing to have sex with me at any time. But to be seen in public with me, oh HELL no. They won't be seen with the fat girl. In a photo (just a head shot) I don't look heavy, and I've had men change their minds about dating me because they see the rest of me or find out that I'm a BBW. It got to the point that when I was doing the online dating thing, I'd put in my profile that I was a BBW just to weed out the assholes in the beginning.

I've NEVER met a FA who was interested in me, and I'm only about 275, which is small by a lot of BBW standards. I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests... hell, even the fat GUYS who were balding and social misfits still seemed to feel like they were entitled to a size 6 supermodel. Mind boggling.

you make some really good points. I have seen it Alot. It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship. Thats why as a Fa I like Dims because under normal circumstances I wouldn't be able to even talk to a person of size. The daily habits (mind set) of a fat person are really different...well at least to me..than a smaller/fitter person. Plus, when I see a huge person, I totally freeze up. Escapist laughs because I still do it to him ,even after a year of being together, when I don't see him for a long period of time (ok a few hours).

At 32, I still have a hard time combining sex and friendship into one relationship.
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:07 AM   #37
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It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?
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Old 02-07-2010, 12:55 PM   #38
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Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?
I can tell you exactly what she means because this comes up on our daily life. She is an extreme sports person. There is no way I'm about to go sky diving, or bungy jumping with her. As she gets back to where she wants to be physically I have to be willing to make changes myself or just live separate lives. She's not trying to be mean, it is just how it is.

As a once athlete (and now Super Huge person) I can totally understand where she is coming from. When your partner can't keep up with you, how much fun can you really have together? Are you really even together when one of you has to sit all the activities out besides lounging around the house?
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Old 02-07-2010, 01:01 PM   #39
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I can tell you exactly what she means because this comes up on our daily life. She is an extreme sports person. There is no way I'm about to go sky diving, or bungy jumping with her. As she gets back to where she wants to be physically I have to be willing to make changes myself or just live separate lives. She's not trying to be mean, it is just how it is.

As a once athlete (and now Super Huge person) I can totally understand where she is coming from. When your partner can't keep up with you, how much fun can you really have together? Are you really even together when one of you has to sit all the activities out besides lounging around the house?
Thanks for the explanation. I will say that based on my own experience, I believe that while this certainly can happen (like in your case), it's a generalization that goes beyond thin/fat dichotomies and lifestyles. There is no such thing as a "thin" lifestyle or a "fat" lifestyle - there are people who live more "active" or "inactive" lives, sure, but it doesn't necessarily line up neatly along thin/fat lines (meaning: there are plenty of inactive thin people and active fat people). Not to invalidate your own experience which obviously is your own, but I just think that needs to be said.
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Old 02-07-2010, 01:08 PM   #40
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Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?

Well I only used my ex for sex (for about 10 years). We had totally different lives. I liked working out at the gym for at least an hour, doing yoga, then go out dancing till daylight ..on top of going to work and school. Then for more shits and giggles I would jump out of planes, bungy jump, indoor rock climb, etc. However, he just liked to go out to eat, hang out, play video games, and watch movies. So when I did my thing it was without him. When I planned to do these things, it was without him. When I talked about these things, it was with someone else. I actually hung out with other memebers of his family and thats how we met but we really didnt do anything together but have sex because he didn't enjoy the things I liked doing. Plus, I was usually so tired from doing all those things, all I did around him ..was sleep on him...especially when it came to movie time.
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Old 02-07-2010, 01:09 PM   #41
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Thanks for the explanation. I will say that based on my own experience, I believe that while this certainly can happen (like in your case), it's a generalization that goes beyond thin/fat dichotomies and lifestyles. There is no such thing as a "thin" lifestyle or a "fat" lifestyle - there are people who live more "active" or "inactive" lives, sure, but it doesn't necessarily line up neatly along thin/fat lines (meaning: there are plenty of inactive thin people and active fat people). Not to invalidate your own experience which obviously is your own, but I just think that needs to be said.
Yeah we were actually just talking about that. It just becomes more extreme of a difference when your so big you can hardly walk for 10 minutes. I myself can be somewhat of your example. For me I can be very active at 400 lbs. I can out climb and hike people 1/2 my size.
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Old 02-07-2010, 01:28 PM   #42
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Thanks for the explanation. I will say that based on my own experience, I believe that while this certainly can happen (like in your case), it's a generalization that goes beyond thin/fat dichotomies and lifestyles. There is no such thing as a "thin" lifestyle or a "fat" lifestyle - there are people who live more "active" or "inactive" lives, sure, but it doesn't necessarily line up neatly along thin/fat lines (meaning: there are plenty of inactive thin people and active fat people). Not to invalidate your own experience which obviously is your own, but I just think that needs to be said.
Also the body type of a thin person is different than that of a big person. Thats from birth on up. My sister and I have two totally different body types and our lifestyles never meshed. I would talk more but my two year is doing flying kicks behind me.
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Old 02-07-2010, 02:01 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by chicken legs View Post
Well I only used my ex for sex (for about 10 years). We had totally different lives. I liked working out at the gym for at least an hour, doing yoga, then go out dancing till daylight ..on top of going to work and school. Then for more shits and giggles I would jump out of planes, bungy jump, indoor rock climb, etc. However, he just liked to go out to eat, hang out, play video games, and watch movies. So when I did my thing it was without him. When I planned to do these things, it was without him. When I talked about these things, it was with someone else. I actually hung out with other memebers of his family and thats how we met but we really didnt do anything together but have sex because he didn't enjoy the things I liked doing. Plus, I was usually so tired from doing all those things, all I did around him ..was sleep on him...especially when it came to movie time.
You do realize your average thin person doesn't go rock climbing or bunjee jumping or anything else extreme. That's just you. The average thin person doesn't do extreme activities and can still go to the gym, do yoga or pilates then come back and spend time with their gf/bf and do what they like. It is possible to be fat and fit.
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Old 02-07-2010, 02:59 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by olwen View Post
You do realize your average thin person doesn't go rock climbing or bunjee jumping or anything else extreme. That's just you. The average thin person doesn't do extreme activities and can still go to the gym, do yoga or pilates then come back and spend time with their gf/bf and do what they like. It is possible to be fat and fit.
Ummm yeah but her Original post was about Thin-Athletic Person's, in reply to a post about athletic persons.

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Originally Posted by chicken legs View Post
"It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship."
And she was saying that in reply to this:

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"I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."
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Old 02-07-2010, 02:59 PM   #45
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You do realize your average thin person doesn't go rock climbing or bunjee jumping or anything else extreme. That's just you. The average thin person doesn't do extreme activities and can still go to the gym, do yoga or pilates then come back and spend time with their gf/bf and do what they like. It is possible to be fat and fit.
Ummm yeah but her Original post was about Thin-Athletic Person's, in reply to a post about others interest and whatnot.

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Originally Posted by chicken legs View Post
"It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship."
And she was saying that in reply to this:

Quote:
"I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."
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Old 02-07-2010, 03:35 PM   #46
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Ummm yeah but her Original post was about Thin-Athletic Person's, in reply to a post about others interest and whatnot.



And she was saying that in reply to this:
Oh, the post she had responded to initially didn't say anything about that. Regardless, my point still stands. If someone who is into extreme sports wants to be with someone who can't do extreme sports he/she has to either compromise or not date someone who isn't into what they are into.
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Old 02-07-2010, 05:20 PM   #47
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Oh, the post she had responded to initially didn't say anything about that. Regardless, my point still stands. If someone who is into extreme sports wants to be with someone who can't do extreme sports he/she has to either compromise or not date someone who isn't into what they are into.
exactly..why the hell bother having a relationship if you're going to be selfish and have it be all that you want to do all the time?

You can be in a relationship, do your own things, and also find activities that you can do together.



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Old 02-07-2010, 06:09 PM   #48
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Oh, the post she had responded to initially didn't say anything about that. Regardless, my point still stands. If someone who is into extreme sports wants to be with someone who can't do extreme sports he/she has to either compromise or not date someone who isn't into what they are into.
I know and it was in the original post: She said, "I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."

Chicken was just commenting on the difference on interest, and for her how it was related to body-types. Its a problem she's had in the past. She's busy so I hope you guy forgive me for answering for her. Your point is exactly the same point she was trying to make, a point I hear her make alllllllll the time!
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Old 02-07-2010, 06:13 PM   #49
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I know and it was in the original post: She said, "I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."

Chicken was just commenting on the difference on interest, and for her how it was related to body-types. Its a problem she's had in the past. She's busy so I hope you guy forgive me for answering for her. Your point is exactly the same point she was trying to make, a point I hear her make alllllllll the time!
I'm sorry, but that's not at all how it read to me.
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Old 02-07-2010, 06:38 PM   #50
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I'm sorry, but that's not at all how it read to me.
Compromise = "It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits..." (Which is what she said)

Some people don't want to adjust what they do to mesh with what their partner can or can not do.

For me I'm perfectly willing to go support her and help her pack her chute but I'm sure as hell not jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Visa versa, she has little to no inclination to going rock climbing with me....our compromise is indoor rock climbing.
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