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Old 12-21-2009, 10:05 PM   #1
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Question Advice Needed!! / Sorry Long / GEF?

OK, I'm not sure if this should be on the BBW board or the Fat Sexuality one, BUT I'm really wanting the advice of the women.

OK, here's the scoop. I met this guy on-line last spring, but because of him having some major life issues (suddenly becoming extremely ill, then that causing a major backup with his business, then a family member dying, then more backup in his business) and medical stuff going on with me, we never met up in person. We chatted *a lot* for many months and got along very well. He seems to be a very nice guy, upfront, and doesn't seem to play games.

We lost touch because of how busy he was trying to get his clients happy again, his email went down so he lost my email address and he tried various ways to contact me, but never could until just happenstance recently.

Here's the deal..........he has some MAJOR fetishes (let me put it this way.....if you can think of a fetish, he has it lol). Please don't think I'm being all judgemental about people with big time fetishes, but some of them I'm no longer comfortable considering. In the beginning, when we first chatted, I was unsure, but as I got to know him, I started becoming a bit more comfortable with it. Now, after time passing and more thought, I don't want to and I don't think I'd change my mind.

I don't know exactly how to *nicely* put that I'm no longer comfortable with some of his fetishes. He really seems like a nice guy, really is a FA and knows all the tricks and techniques to use when having sex with a SSBBW. If I didn't like him, I wouldn't be so unsure as how to put it to him.

GEF, this is for your eyes only.......he has a really big peen........now, lets see how long that takes to get deleted PM me and I'll tell ya exactly how big. He's afraid of hurting me!

So, advice??? Pleeeeeeeze!!!!
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Old 12-21-2009, 11:44 PM   #2
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Devi, I met someone on line a while back too. Turns out he had one major fetish, but I kept an open mind about it (even though my ititial gut reaction was...OMG! I can't do that). As time progressed, he would whip out another fetish and each new one was a little odder (to me) than the last one. But it was the very last one he surprised me with, that really made me take a step back. It was pretty hard core.

He seemed to be a really nice guy, and I did heaps of research to "prepare" myself. All the while in the back of my head, I had questions about my ability to handle it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short...I decided to cool things for a while to really have a think about what I might be getting myself into. I am glad I did. It was really hard to call our little friendship off, but the idea of getting emotionally involved with him and then feeling like I was stuck in a situation that I had no control over scared me more than hurting his feelings.

The thing is, he and his fetishes went hand in hand. I loved that he was a nice guy, but could not live with his other side.

If you are questioning how you feel about his fetishes, then I say go with your gut on this. Follow your woman's intuition or whatever you want to call it, but if you want to progress with this man than you would need to tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. After all, I think part of being in a relationship is meeting our partners needs....if you can't then maybe this is not for you.

Good luck hon, I know you will make the right decison for YOU.
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Old 12-22-2009, 01:09 AM   #3
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Devi, I met someone on line a while back too. Turns out he had one major fetish, but I kept an open mind about it (even though my ititial gut reaction was...OMG! I can't do that). As time progressed, he would whip out another fetish and each new one was a little odder (to me) than the last one. But it was the very last one he surprised me with, that really made me take a step back. It was pretty hard core.

He seemed to be a really nice guy, and I did heaps of research to "prepare" myself. All the while in the back of my head, I had questions about my ability to handle it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short...I decided to cool things for a while to really have a think about what I might be getting myself into. I am glad I did. It was really hard to call our little friendship off, but the idea of getting emotionally involved with him and then feeling like I was stuck in a situation that I had no control over scared me more than hurting his feelings.

The thing is, he and his fetishes went hand in hand. I loved that he was a nice guy, but could not live with his other side.

If you are questioning how you feel about his fetishes, then I say go with your gut on this. Follow your woman's intuition or whatever you want to call it, but if you want to progress with this man than you would need to tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. After all, I think part of being in a relationship is meeting our partners needs....if you can't then maybe this is not for you.

Good luck hon, I know you will make the right decison for YOU.
From what I understand, I know all of his fetishes. He's quite open about them and I asked him straight out what he was into just to see how much he was into.

Without getting into it in depth since I'm certain the post would be deleted by a mod lol, he's pretty hard core about some stuff. I made him do a list, and I said yes, no, yes, no, no, NO! lol I told him straight out that one particular thing would freak me out because I don't like being.....well..there's no way to put it. lol He was fine with that, but said it he was more than fine with me doing the particular thing to him (which I was fine with).

I plan on telling him what would be ok, what wouldn't, and that I simply changed my mind over time. I guess I'll sorta let it be on him to decide whether or not to precede after I tell him what I am ok with and what I'm not ok with since he'd be the one that might not be getting all his needs met by me.

Ugh!!! The thing is that we've both thought about each other often during the time apart. I think that's what makes it even harder.....that we're already kinda emotionally involved in a way.
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Old 12-22-2009, 06:20 AM   #4
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Exclamation Thread Done / Email Sent

No need to reply to my question. I've already sent the email off to him.
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Old 12-22-2009, 06:28 AM   #5
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Now I'm curious, what did you decide?
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:07 AM   #6
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Without getting into it in depth since I'm certain the post would be deleted by a mod lol, he's pretty hard core about some stuff. I made him do a list, and I said yes, no, yes, no, no, NO! lol I told him straight out that one particular thing would freak me out because I don't like being.....well..there's no way to put it. lol He was fine with that, but said it he was more than fine with me doing the particular thing to him (which I was fine with).

.
I am SOOO curious now!!! Pm me!!! I am open minded.. i used to be a 'phone actress' you know!!

What did you say no to?
I would totally say no to poo .. did you?
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:08 AM   #7
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Now I'm curious, what did you decide?
I'm more curious about all the stuff he is into!!
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:33 AM   #8
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I am SOOO curious now!!! Pm me!!! I am open minded.. i used to be a 'phone actress' you know!!

What did you say no to?
I would totally say no to poo .. did you?
Girl, you are not right!!! LOL
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:37 AM   #9
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Girl, you are not right!!! LOL
I KNOW! *For shame*
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Old 12-22-2009, 08:24 AM   #10
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I'm still trying to figure if you guys have actually met one another. I couldn't tell from the message--one can always send a photo of a big peen. And, if you're a woman, and on the internet, you've probably been sent dozens of peen pix. Such is a woman's lot.

Anyway, I know the thread is done, but I like to hear myself talk. I have some opinions about sex talk before meeting and all of that, but I shall reserve them 'til solicited.
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Old 12-22-2009, 08:34 AM   #11
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COOOOMMMMMEE OOOOON! Share - please!?
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Old 12-22-2009, 09:00 AM   #12
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COOOOMMMMMEE OOOOON! Share - please!?
YES! WE DEMAND YOU DISH THE DIRT!!
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:06 AM   #13
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Now I'm curious, what did you decide?
I told him non-judgmentally that I won't do __________. That I understand why he likes it (he told me why, and I get it), but it's not right for me. If he's fine not doing ____________, then we're fine, but it's his decision since he'd be giving something up and I would wish him no ill will for having to walk away.
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:08 AM   #14
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I am SOOO curious now!!! Pm me!!! I am open minded.. i used to be a 'phone actress' you know!!

What did you say no to?
I would totally say no to poo .. did you?
I'll PM you later Mertastic
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:24 AM   #15
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I'll PM you later Mertastic
Whoot! canny wait!
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:30 AM   #16
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I'm still trying to figure if you guys have actually met one another. I couldn't tell from the message--one can always send a photo of a big peen. And, if you're a woman, and on the internet, you've probably been sent dozens of peen pix. Such is a woman's lot.

Anyway, I know the thread is done, but I like to hear myself talk. I have some opinions about sex talk before meeting and all of that, but I shall reserve them 'til solicited.
I am so sheltered, I have never received a photo of a big peen. To think some people have received dozens. LOL

I hope things work out for you well, MizzSnakeBite.
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Old 12-22-2009, 11:35 AM   #17
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I told him non-judgmentally that I won't do __________. That I understand why he likes it (he told me why, and I get it), but it's not right for me. If he's fine not doing ____________, then we're fine, but it's his decision since he'd be giving something up and I would wish him no ill will for having to walk away.
It was a hard decision but this sounds very reasonable.
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Old 12-22-2009, 11:44 AM   #18
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I don't know exactly how to *nicely* put that I'm no longer comfortable with some of his fetishes. He really seems like a nice guy, really is a FA and knows all the tricks and techniques to use when having sex with a SSBBW. If I didn't like him, I wouldn't be so unsure as how to put it to him.

So, advice??? Pleeeeeeeze!!!!
I deleted the peen bit, after snickering at its placement

I think that women, far more than men (in a generalizing kinda way) tend to agonize about how to frame any kind of rejection in a way that doesn't hurt the rejectee's feelings. That's a wonderful trait to have, most of the time. It gets in the way sometimes when it runs counter to what you really want/don't want and you're afraid to acknowledge that. And sometimes, what the recipient hears isn't what we want him to -- we are thinking 'no' and he's hearing 'well ... maybe.' I don't think that there's a way for you to soft-pedal this one. I think you have to tell him in no uncertain terms what you will/won't accept, and unapologetically, and assertively.

And then there is a secondary issue - probably the more important question to ask yourself: Do you want to continue pursuing any kind of relationship with this man, considering that he has been completely honest with you, and you are not comfortable with some aspects of his sexuality? I'm assuming that what makes you uncomfortable are fetishes, not preferences, and what is hard-wired into him is not likely to ever change. If he wants A, B, C and D ... but you can only provide A, sometimes B (but with conditions) and flatly won't ever do C or D ... do you think that any kind of relationship with him is possible? Aside, that is, from the occasional roll in the hay, if that floats your .. uh, boat

So yeah. If this were my ... uh, problem ... I'd tell HLAH (figure it out ) something like this: "That thing about X and Y? Not going to happen. Never going to happen. I'll gladly give you Z if you'll provide the A, B and C. But I'm just not comfortable with X and Y, and you need to know upfront that I'm *never* going to be comfortable with X and Y. Where do you see things going from here? I'm thinking this <insert nice speech about fuck buddy here ... or wherever *you* see the relationship heading>".
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Old 12-22-2009, 01:32 PM   #19
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You give Z?? You dirty bitch!!
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Old 12-22-2009, 02:12 PM   #20
cinnamitch
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If i had one i'd send it to you..


Quote:
Originally Posted by steely View Post
I am so sheltered, I have never received a photo of a big peen. To think some people have received dozens. LOL

I hope things work out for you well, MizzSnakeBite.
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Old 12-22-2009, 03:17 PM   #21
mossystate
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MSB...I smelled a lil something when I was reading you original post. Might be totallllllly not reality, but I thought I would put it out here.

I know that lots of things can come down on the head of another person...hard and fast ( trust me, I know this ). I am just wondering if all the bad luck he suffered was actually true, or if he was wanting to distance himself from you a bit, and used everything but ' the dog ate my homework '. I am wondering if he was doing so much testing of the waters, that he moved on for a time, thinking you two would never mesh...or even that he had/has no true intention of meeting you. I just know there are lots of men online who do this kind of thing. It's a medium where people can have these little fantasy situations ( not always sexual ).

If he dove into the fetish/sexual talk right away, and that is not your thing to do ( maybe it is, and then that is fine and dandy for all involved ), then I know I would personally wonder if the niceness was, in part, a way to bide his time until he could warm you up to whatever. This makes more sense in my head!

Is he fairly local? If you just wanna hump him...go for it ( and take lots of pics....ooops, this is not " who is on the dinner table "....but, it could be! )....but I do wonder about some stuff.
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Old 12-22-2009, 03:22 PM   #22
Tau
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steely View Post
I am so sheltered, I have never received a photo of a big peen. To think some people have received dozens. LOL

I hope things work out for you well, MizzSnakeBite.
LOL! You are clearly doing something right! I recently received a pic that struck me dumb - dumb i tell ya! And not in a good way *shudders*
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Old 12-22-2009, 03:44 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by cinnamitch View Post
If i had one i'd send it to you..
Awww, thanks!
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Old 12-22-2009, 03:45 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tau View Post
LOL! You are clearly doing something right! I recently received a pic that struck me dumb - dumb i tell ya! And not in a good way *shudders*
LOL! I guess I am the lucky one.
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Old 12-23-2009, 12:47 AM   #25
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Steely, i've never recieved one either... and i definitely count myself lucky!! i mean really, what good are they on the computer screen!? LOL
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