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Old 02-09-2010, 11:52 AM   #51
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Because I have to keep my admiration of anyone else' beauty to myself. She gets jealous easily but not in a bad way. And she likes it if I express any jealousy, even in a semi-serious way. She wants to feel that she's the only one in the world that I find attractive. I don't mind indulging her in that. I want her to be happy. I'm sure you tell your husband some fibs or white lies to keep the marriage lubricated just like most couples. I know for a fact that my married guy friends don't want to know that their wives think Brad Pitt (or whoever People Magazine has picked) is hot. And that they don't dare let their wives know that they find Angelina Jolie hot. And most of my friends have a secret pr0n stash. I think that might be a fun topic for another thread -- the little secrets we keep from our spouses and the little lies we tell each other. I think we've all heard about how too much honesty can hurt a relationship.

Do you know of any married men who frequent the Paysite Forums that have wives that are OK with it? Or that belong to any paysites? How would you feel if you knew your husband belonged to some paysites? Would you want to know? Just curious.....
I don't lie to my husband. I just omit certain facts Things like, how much that pair of shoes cost or whether an item in question is in fact brand new. Things that make it easier for me, and (I fool myself into believing) for him as well. All the while, I know that it's not right. I know that it is actually, in fact, playing him for something that he's *not* (stupid), while capitalizing on something that he *is* (conflict avoidant). I'm not going to pretend otherwise. Yet I do allow myself the luxury of being human. OTOH, there are some lies that I would never permit myself to tell. I draw the line at misleading him about who I am and what he means to me. And at the heart of things, my husband knows that I didn't get that fabulous pair of leather boots for $20. Please note: I'm not excusing myself for telling the lie. I'm just saying that both of us understand the dynamics of our relationship. He doesn't really want to know, and I don't really want to tell him ... and so long as we both live within a delicate balance -- I don't run us into serious debt, and he trusts that I need a certain autonomy despite his very frugal nature -- it works for us.

I don't know of any men who frequent the Paysite board with their wives' knowledge and understanding. Doesn't mean that they aren't out there. I do know that my husband admires other women. I don't know if he surfs porn, although I doubt it (I wouldn't care if I found out otherwise). I don't own every aspect of his sexuality, and so long as he doesn't act on his fantasies, I'm more than OK with that. I have a pair of eyes and a healthy libido myself. At times, we will discuss who we find attractive, and why. To answer your question -- it's not that I would dread an answer. I'm honestly just not curious enough to ask. I trust my husband, and I don't consider lust, fantasies, and masturbating to images of other women to be a breach of that trust. I know that some do. I don't.

Here's where I would consider a problem: Not advertising to me that he has a rich fantasy life? Fine. Actively going out of his way to hide it? Fantasy life encroaching on our sex life? Relying on porn in order to "inspire" himself to be with me? Problem. Huge red flag. I don't aspire to be the only woman he's ever been turned on by, but good goddamn yes, I expect to be someone who does push those buttons for him. He's not my roommate, my best friend, my good buddy. Sexuality is a part of our lives. And I think that I would know if he was coasting, if I wasn't doing it for him. I've certainly known in past relationships; I just had to give my heart time to catch up with my head. Women know. I think we all do, actually. That is a non-negotiable thing for me. Obviously, it isn't for everyone.
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Old 02-09-2010, 05:02 PM   #52
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Sweetie, Dims is not the world. There is romance out there and you will find it, or it will find you. Believe it!
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Old 02-09-2010, 05:39 PM   #53
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Just out of curiosity, have you ever heard of a non-FA ever falling in love with and marrying a BBW? Or a non-FFA falling in love with and marrying a BHM?
First of all: my absolute respect for all members (and especially you) participating in this discussion to keep such a sensitive discussion at such a high level.

To answer the quoted questions: In the non-(F)FA category, you have people who do not have a specific body type preference and people who only prefer thin people. I think that it is not too unusual for people who do not have a distinct body type preference to fall in love with a BBW/BHM, but I don't think there are many people who exclusively prefer a thin partner who fall in love with a BBW/BHM.

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Old 02-09-2010, 10:27 PM   #54
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I have dated a few thin girls, but that was before I really knew what I liked. I never really got that rush that I have with a girl who is large. Know what I mean? Like, for me. I see a BBW and my mind wanders to and fro about her, I tend to do the shy look away thing too because I know when I see a pretty BBW, my eyes want to stare.

But with a thin girl, I pretty much just see the girl. I don't see her as someone I want to hop into the sack with right away.

Now don't get me wrong, I find a lot of thin girls attractive. It is just... I cannot really see myself going for a thinner girl. Not because of her looks, but because of who I am.

I like bigger girls, said thin girl may be offended and want to know why how she looks is not good enough. Honestly, it would spawn more problems for me than it would solve. The chances of meeting a girl who will go from knock out gorgeous to the mainstream to knock out gorgeous for us FAs is very slim, JMO.

Now, for an entirely different scenario. Say I meet a thin girl, she and I decide to date, I tell her I like bigger girls and she balloons up from a 120lb frame to a near 200lb frame. She and I have issues and we break up... I go on about my business and she is left in a body that she didn't intentionally want. Is that fair? Is that fair for me to want a girl who was perfectly happy with her weight at the beginning to hate being overweight because of a guy she dated? I don't know. If she likes her weight, more power to her.


Anywho, I digress. I suppose what I am saying is this... I don't really WANT a thin girl, but if love strikes me hard and fast... then I don't care if she is 120 or 790.
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Old 02-24-2010, 11:32 AM   #55
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This is a question for all the male (or female) FA's who have dated thinner members of the opposite sex. Has you're preference for fatness ever put a strain on your relationship? Did he/she feel insecure because of their body type after discovering your preference? I'm currently dating a girl who i believe is extremely beautiful, but sometimes she gets upset that i find bigger girls attractive. I'm sure this question has been asked multiple times on here but any stories/ advice would be greatly appreciated!
There was a time in my life long ago when, like most FAs, I was very confused about my preference and what it all meant. I tried to bring up the subject with my thin SO at the time, but she seemed unable to comprehend that fat women could in any way be sexy or competition. She thought it was just some weird trip I was on and suggested I "get it out of my system." I eventually found it did not get out of my system, and I never looked back.
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:45 PM   #56
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My tastes vary, so while there a lot of bigger women I'll find attractive, I can date a thin girl without it really hurting things.

That said, the first kind of woman I'll be attracted to is one with curves; not even necessarily a fat woman, but a girl with "something on her". It doesn't mean I'd disregard a woman who doesn't fit this mold if she struck me as beautiful in a different way, but that's definitely the way I'm wired.
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:48 PM   #57
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That is exactly why I do not date thin or even normal sized women. I know my preference will not go away, no matter how perfect she might be on all other aspects. Don't you feel like you are denying an important part of your personality?

Personally, I would feel very bad if I was with smaller women and would need to come to dimensions to cope with my preference. I would feel as if I was cheating on her. And it would not even satisfy me, because I don't want to look at big women, I want to be with one!
I betcha a lot of the closet FAs who are married to thin/average size women, cheat on their. Read around the boards, a lot of us BBWs and SSBBWs get hit up all the time from guys who "only want sex" betcha these are those closeted FAs married to thin/averaged sized women.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:00 PM   #58
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Interesting questions TraciJo and I'll try to answer as best I can. In my case, I'm a BHM but my wife is not an FFA. We discussed our preferences before we got engaged. We got married because we fell in love with the person on the inside (of each other). We both agreed that what a person looks like less important to each of us than who that person is deep inside. We'll be celebrating our 9th anniversary this Friday. I can easily say that I love my wife more than I did when we first got married. I believe she would say the same. Thinking back to our courtship, we met online and communicated via telephone and email. We clicked immediately emotionally and intellectually. We fell in love before meeting each other in person. She's from another country and there were cultural obstacles for both of us to overcome and we did so. The really amazing thing to me is how effortlessly we connected emotionally and intellectually. Prior to meeting her, I had tried every avenue I could find to seek out a BBW for a LTR hopefully leading to marriage. Over the course of 20 years I managed to have some LTR that were wonderful but for a variety of reasons didn't work out. And the breakups were certainly painful. I agree with you that it hurts very deeply to discover that you can be a great partner in a relationship but not marriage material. I was in a very long term tempestuous on again/off again relationship that culminated in a proposal that was accepted but then broken off a couple of months later. I was devastated. I was an emotional wreck for a couple of years. It was only after I had worked through that breakup completely that I met my wife.

Oh and by the way, it is not fun at all to be a BHM where the in-laws are critical of my size. My late father-in-law made a loud public comment at our wedding about how the pyjama/kurta made me look "tubby." Whenever I look at my Indian wedding photos I'm always reminded of his comment.

In closing, I believe that two people can fall in love and be happily married solely because of who they are on the inside. But that doesn't mean the marriage is perfect nor does it change one of the other person's physical preferences. I fully support and encourage all single people to seek out partners whom they find attractive. Just be prepared for the fact that like in my case, the best marriage partner might not be your first physical choice.
But where does it say one has to be married to be happy, anyway? I have a friend who I connect very well emotionally and intellectually, as well, but I'm not attracted to him nor am I in love with him. We have dated and I tried to feel that way toward him. I tried to make myself love him, because he was such a good person, would be the perfect husband, would make a perfect father and provider also, therefore because of this, I felt that he deserved to be with someone who was madly inlove with him.
I never been the type of person to settle anyways. I'd rather not be in any type of romantic relationship with someone I only have lukewarm or barely there feelings for or with someone who has those feelings for me.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:44 PM   #59
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I betcha a lot of the closet FAs who are married to thin/average size women, cheat on their. Read around the boards, a lot of us BBWs and SSBBWs get hit up all the time from guys who "only want sex" betcha these are those closeted FAs married to thin/averaged sized women.

Cheaters are cheaters and doesn't matter what the SO looks like. If they can get some extra ass on the side...they will.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:24 PM   #60
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Cheaters are cheaters and doesn't matter what the SO looks like. If they can get some extra ass on the side...they will.
Well, I know that. I was just pointing out that some people cheat, because they settled, instead of waiting for what they were looking for.
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Old 03-06-2010, 03:36 AM   #61
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Well, I know that. I was just pointing out that some people cheat, because they settled, instead of waiting for what they were looking for.
LOL..some people are just too darn horny to hold out.
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Old 03-08-2010, 03:24 PM   #62
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Well, I know that. I was just pointing out that some people cheat, because they settled, instead of waiting for what they were looking for.
Some people get what they're looking for but still can't get enough. They want something new and exciting, new memories of fun and pleasure they can't get from one person.

The thrill of the chase of something you can't have, the thrill of hooking up with someone you're not supposed to.

Some people call it a disease, I call it human nature. Human's are meant to mate and while some (like me) choose to have one mate, others want several mates to keep fresh.
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Old 03-08-2010, 03:59 PM   #63
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Some people get what they're looking for but still can't get enough. They want something new and exciting, new memories of fun and pleasure they can't get from one person.

The thrill of the chase of something you can't have, the thrill of hooking up with someone you're not supposed to.

Some people call it a disease, I call it human nature. Human's are meant to mate and while some (like me) choose to have one mate, others want several mates to keep fresh.
Yeah, and that is another reason people cheat. People cheat for various reasons...
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Old 03-14-2010, 07:50 PM   #64
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Thanks to everyone for your personal experiences/opinions. After being with this girl for awhile I've realized that she's probably going to be my last relationship with a thinner girl. Thats not to say that it could never happen, but after seeing how much being an FA is apart of me I can only see myself being friends with thin girls from now on. I've found that being an FA means so much more to me than just liking fat as a physical attribute. It's really an attitude and a lifestyle. Guess the small ones really just don't do it for me
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Old 03-15-2010, 10:28 AM   #65
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I was married to "thinnish" girl. She wasn't rail thin or anything. But petite and certainly within the social norm of what people consider hot. She even did pin-up and fetish modeling. I loved her, but I never felt fully attracted to her. Which was a source of strain. (Although not why the marriage ended.)

After that ended, I played the field for a while. I dated girls of different shapes and sizes. But there was never any physical chemistry towards the thin ones. And sometimes I'd go out with bigger girls, who I thought were hot. But I didn't click with them.

Of course I'm happy to say, that I'm now engaged to a buxom,chubby, gal who is also my best friend. Ideally, both aspects will click. Which is what happened for me.
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Old 03-18-2010, 05:25 AM   #66
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This is a question for all the male (or female) FA's who have dated thinner members of the opposite sex. Has you're preference for fatness ever put a strain on your relationship? Did he/she feel insecure because of their body type after discovering your preference? I'm currently dating a girl who i believe is extremely beautiful, but sometimes she gets upset that i find bigger girls attractive. I'm sure this question has been asked multiple times on here but any stories/ advice would be greatly appreciated!
I am Bi-sizual, it kind of sucks. I've dated everything from 103 lbs - 320 lbs. So the answer has almost always been yes. Most of them have felt somewhat threatened by my wandering eye. Now that I'm with a bi-sizual FFA she truly understands me. Its nice to finally have peace with myself on the fact that I really just love attractive women. From the tight little hard body's, to the wonderful shape of a wide ass of a voluptuous woman. Its great to enjoy the woman, not just the package she comes in.
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Old 03-18-2010, 03:12 PM   #67
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Always fancied big girls and only ever dated one really thin girl and got the shock of my life – I did not realise until then my reaction to the feel of living bone – to me holding her was like holding a warm skeleton which more than made me cringe etc and it really put me off her in a big way, even though she was a lovely fun person to be with. I’m sure there is a “phobic” name for it. However reverted to my BBW preference and not had any problems since – wife was a BBW who dieted (not for health reasons) but never went so thin for it to be a problem, knowing my phobia
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Old 03-20-2010, 09:23 AM   #68
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My g/f both diets and exercises (two hours a day, 4 times a week) but as she is a plus sized model, she's not doing it to get ultra thin. Just stay healthy. So I support her in this.
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Old 03-20-2010, 11:33 AM   #69
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bbw rule lol
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Old 03-21-2010, 06:54 AM   #70
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I betcha a lot of the closet FAs who are married to thin/average size women, cheat on their. Read around the boards, a lot of us BBWs and SSBBWs get hit up all the time from guys who "only want sex" betcha these are those closeted FAs married to thin/averaged sized women.

Um, I WAS married to a thin girl and I never cheated. And in fact, she ended up cheating on me. I was a faithful boyfriend and then a good husband. I loved her despite her outward appearance not being my 100 percent ideal.

I don't think one has anything to do with the other. Either you're the type that runs around or you're not.
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Old 03-21-2010, 06:56 AM   #71
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Cheaters are cheaters and doesn't matter what the SO looks like. If they can get some extra ass on the side...they will.
Pretty much. There's a line and some people cross it.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:36 PM   #72
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I dated a fairly thin girl for very long time (5'3" and 120). I made me preference pretty clear from the start and she made her desire not to gain weight just as clear. It worked out well for a number of reasons.

1. I very rarely pressured her to gain, and when I did she knew I was kidding
2. I showed her alot of affection so that she never felt insecure
3. She totally rocked
4. She was confident in her weight enough that we could roleplay. (She'd make comments about being stuffed or how she had gained a pound of something).
5. Her weight fluctuated but, as I told her, I loved it when she gained weight and also when she lost weight because she was happy, so it was all good.

All that said, one of the reasons it ended was because I felt that I would prefer someone bigger.
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:32 PM   #73
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I dated a thin guy a few years ago, we were great together he had an amazing personality and I found him attractive except for his weight (note he was really thin as in when he was to lazy to do dishes he would lay on his back and use his stomach to hold cereal and milk for breakfast... it was creepy) but I was only with him for a few months and his size was part of the reason it ended because it affected our sex life but it was not the main reason we broke up and decided to be friends instead. Iv gone out on a date or two with other thin guys but it never worked out. I prefer BHM and usually date them, but I'm willing to give other guys a chance it just doesn't work out.
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Old 03-23-2010, 05:51 PM   #74
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There was a time in my life long ago when, like most FAs, I was very confused about my preference and what it all meant. I tried to bring up the subject with my thin SO at the time, but she seemed unable to comprehend that fat women could in any way be sexy or competition. She thought it was just some weird trip I was on and suggested I "get it out of my system." I eventually found it did not get out of my system, and I never looked back.
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:05 AM   #75
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This is a question for all the male (or female) FA's who have dated thinner members of the opposite sex. Has you're preference for fatness ever put a strain on your relationship? Did he/she feel insecure because of their body type after discovering your preference? I'm currently dating a girl who i believe is extremely beautiful, but sometimes she gets upset that i find bigger girls attractive. I'm sure this question has been asked multiple times on here but any stories/ advice would be greatly appreciated!
Insecurity is Insecurity at any size. It seems she might be insecure with any type of other woman your interested in.(or had been) Remember there is way more to a woman than just her looks. Fat or Skinny. Just be kind understanding and work with her. With that said I think everybody has some insecurities it is how we deal with them. That's my opinion at least. All the best and Good Luck!
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