Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > BBW Forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-23-2009, 05:31 PM   #1
Famouslastwords
Iaintnogoddamnsonofabitch
 
Famouslastwords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Indiana, juss across the border from Kiiintucky in Newburgh.
Posts: 3,182
Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default Fantasy ruining reality

This isn't exactly a BBW issue persay but more of a woman issue. If it's in the wrong forum, please move it.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I wonder if fantasy ruins reality for a lot of us? Maybe fantasy just ruins reality for me. For example, I read the Twilight books, and I wish there was an Edward out there for me. I understand this is unrealistic. Not just the vampire part- part of being human means you're fallible. For the most part, I just want to tell myself to be real and accept whatever is normal. But what is normal? We have romantic comedies teaching us that bad boys can be changed by the right woman (sometimes they can, but most of the time as most of us know, this is not the case), that men love quirky women, that relationships aren't full of trials, that finding love is easy, etc. We have our romance novels, and tv shows all showing us warped visions of what love is. What is real love? So many marriages end in divorce these days. Relationships that we thought were perfect are ruined without a moment's notice. Is there any romance left?
Are people (or even, am I) too desensitized by our romance fantasies that we don't recognize real romance when we see it?

I wonder if I'm spoiled. I had a fiance that was pretty much my soulmate but the relationship was ruined by a series of unfortunate events (his grandmother died, my bipolar condition kicked into gear, etc). I don't know how to let him go, even though we've been broken up for several years now. I dated someone else for 6 months after. And I was madly in love with him, but when my fiance came back into my life, our relationship crumbled apart. Mostly because it was long distance and I didn't want to move there and he didn't want to move here. I think I would have been more eager to move if my fiance hadn't come back into my life. I dated for awhile, but gave up because it seemed like all the guys my age wanted was pussy. I'm now back with my first real boyfriend (of my adult years). I originally left him to be with my fiance because our relationship was ending anyway.

I'm not happy. He's not even trying. He gives me anything I want that we can afford, he supports me emotionally, but one of my conditions for getting back with him was that he work on his erectile dysfunction, and he hasn't even TRIED to have sex with me. He admits it's a mental block, but he doesn't seem interested in even working through it. It's like he's just wants me to leave again.

I chose to get back with him because I decided together and miserable was better than alone and miserable. Part of me still hopes that there's still a perfect relationship out there for me.

So I guess my questions are, ladies, is there such a thing as the perfect romance? Have any of you experienced it? Should I just accept the hand I've been dealt? In your experience, what is the reality of love?
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"Larry, like most Australians, has spent some time in prison..."-Bruce Wallaby's World of Wonder
"And I never wanted anything from you except everything you ever had and what was left after that too."

Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls
I'd need to jump to get into a dumpster but that doesn't mean it's worth getting into one.
Famouslastwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 06:19 PM   #2
littlefairywren
Chi Chi
 
littlefairywren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 15,316
littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!littlefairywren keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

First off FLW, I am sorry you are un-happy.

For me the reality of love was - the initial little bubble of love when you find that special someone. But that gets quickly replaced by real life....morning breath, dutch-ovens, wet towels on the floor and having to wash their underwear. No romance there! Mine was a marriage of extreme lows, mixed with alcohol and abuse. But I always wished for that "white knight on a steed" to rescue me. I stayed too, and part of it was a real fear of being alone. In hindsight, I see how foolish that was for me. I lost a lot of my life doing that.

Real romance takes work, just like love. Movies and books have a lot to answer for, they make everything look so easy. But it can be damn hard.

I still question whether "soul mates" exist, and if they do, wonder if I will ever find my own.

I hope you find your happiness, if not with this one then someone who will give you the love you need....and romance
__________________
There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved ~ George Sand
littlefairywren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 09:14 PM   #3
StarWitness
part square, part drape
 
StarWitness's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sexcriminalboat
Posts: 692
StarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions communityStarWitness is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

I think figuring out where to draw the line between fantasy ideal and reasonable expectation is one of those fun problems that you have to figure out through living (i.e. making mistakes and learning from them). You can certainly conjecture-- do I need this, or do I want this?; if he had this expectation of me, would I find it unfair?-- but ultimately, comes down to trial and error.

On a personal note: my last relationship had similar problems, except I was the one with the nonexistent libido. I didn't want to end it for the same reason: I thought that being miserable with someone was better than being miserable and alone. It sucked when it ended, but I learned quite quickly that unhappiness is so much more manageable when you don't have to compromise what you want because you have a partner to think about-- or when happiness relies on someone else changing.
__________________
Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag. --Homer Simpson

I've always been a guy with a sweet tooth, and that girl's just like a king-size candy bar...
--Sleater-Kinney
StarWitness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 03:58 AM   #4
SocialbFly
I am keeping Tina!
 
SocialbFly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In a house
Posts: 3,090
SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

one thing i learned long ago, is if you are not happy with just yourself, you will not be happy in a relationship either...you have to get to that point of self love, self acceptance to get to that point with someone else...

i think many women are raised with the unrealistic hopes of "Prince Charming" and i dont think they exist, but then i am not princess charming either...

i think we all make our way thru life one bump at a time, and if you can find someone who can take the bumps with you...and support you, see your faults and still love you..and you them, then maybe you have found your own sort of Prince.
__________________
LEARN to ACCEPT without GUILT what is given in LOVE to you. RV

Medical advisor to the Mayor of Fatopia :)
SocialbFly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 05:53 AM   #5
Inhibited
 
Inhibited's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,599
Inhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging inInhibited makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
I'm not happy. He's not even trying. He gives me anything I want that we can afford, he supports me emotionally, but one of my conditions for getting back with him was that he work on his erectile dysfunction, and he hasn't even TRIED to have sex with me. He admits it's a mental block, but he doesn't seem interested in even working through it. It's like he's just wants me to leave again.

I chose to get back with him because I decided together and miserable was better than alone and miserable. Part of me still hopes that there's still a perfect relationship out there for me.
This is nothing against you FLW we all do what we think is right for us, but i would rather be alone then be with someone just for the sack of being with someone....... When i get asked why i'm single that is my answer, coz i don't want a boyfriend just for the sack of having a boyfriend and i don't want an instant family.......
Quote:
So I guess my questions are, ladies, is there such a thing as the perfect romance? Have any of you experienced it? Should I just accept the hand I've been dealt? In your experience, what is the reality of love?
[/QUOTE]

I'm not really into the romantic crap, i don't want flowers, if i want something i will buy it myself, and i would rather go to maccas or the local club than some fancy restaurant....i know i generalized romance.. It would be nice to have a relationship like on the sit-coms, they are supportive, joke with each other, sort out differences with out being screamed at...... I was thinking about that the other day as well while watching TV, it is a good question do ppl really have relationships like on TV that seem so perfect, well perfect to me anyway....
Inhibited is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 06:13 AM   #6
bigsexy920
Ok I'll be good.
 
bigsexy920's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Jersey- Jersey Girls..... Best in the world
Posts: 3,853
bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!bigsexy920 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I have issues with this reality vs. fantasy. I'm not sure if its just a thing here in this community but I feel like (and it could just be me) I fall short of most FA's fantasy. I went out this past week casually with an FA and in conversation it was said that I was really too small for his liking and he was slightly disappointed that when he hugged me that he could reach all the way around me.

I wasn't living up to his fantasy that he has for a fat girl -- cause really - I'm very fat just not fat enough. My ass is big but not big enough, my boobs are big but not big enough. I get this a lot - I know this can fall in line with preference but I do really think it that maybe their preference is not always reality based.

It is hard because as secure as you may be, it is still very hard to hear that you are not attractive enough for someone that is in general interested in fat girls. We spend our whole life dodging or trying to dodge negative comments from the rest of the world and then you find this world and it feels at times that i spend more time dodging negative comments from the very people who claim to adore you -seems like its not really you they adore - its your fat and where you wear it. and that to me is fantasy. Because reality is there is a real woman or man under that flesh.

Last edited by bigsexy920; 12-24-2009 at 06:16 AM.
bigsexy920 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 09:04 AM   #7
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I am perpetually alone and I've often wondered if maybe my perpetual aloneness is because I'm too picky for my own good. AM I holding out for a fantasy that doesn't exist? In my particular circumstance I don't think so. I don't want FWB or casual stuff, I want a partner. I meet these guys who seem to be attracted to me pretty much but I'm assigned the nosebleed section in the arena of their lives. This is a consistent issue and I wonder if maybe I'm being much too discriminatory? Maybe I should take a chance that some day things will change and I will eventually become significant to him but the prospect of doing that is unattractive to me. I won't dangle my heart out for someone who off the bat says that I will never be more important to him than his cell phone. Been there, done that, did NOT buy the shirt. I've had a few serious inquiries but there is usually some stark contrast in values that I know would never work. So I'm by myself. I do know what it feels like to be in an unhappy relationship and me personally I would prefer to be alone. I thought maybe I should just stick to casual relationships but that's not really me. I know I wouldn't be happy doing that.

I still believe in love though. I believe that when two people truly love each other they can overcome anything and the reality of that could be a hearty full course meal rather than the confectionary fantasies we all like to read about and watch on the screen. We will still like those heroic kinds of stories but will be grateful the for kindredness we share with that person who is your best friend and partner. I do believe, I do I do! I won't settle.

And bigsexy, that guy was rude. I would tell him so.

ETA: Famouslastwords, your post was wonderful. I tried to Rep you but couldn't so I'm saying so publicly. This is a wonderful topic and your post was powerful.
__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 06:50 PM   #8
katherine22
 
katherine22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Tualatin, Oregon (near Portland)
Posts: 566
katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigsexy920 View Post
I have issues with this reality vs. fantasy. I'm not sure if its just a thing here in this community but I feel like (and it could just be me) I fall short of most FA's fantasy. I went out this past week casually with an FA and in conversation it was said that I was really too small for his liking and he was slightly disappointed that when he hugged me that he could reach all the way around me.

I wasn't living up to his fantasy that he has for a fat girl -- cause really - I'm very fat just not fat enough. My ass is big but not big enough, my boobs are big but not big enough. I get this a lot - I know this can fall in line with preference but I do really think it that maybe their preference is not always reality based.

It is hard because as secure as you may be, it is still very hard to hear that you are not attractive enough for someone that is in general interested in fat girls. We spend our whole life dodging or trying to dodge negative comments from the rest of the world and then you find this world and it feels at times that i spend more time dodging negative comments from the very people who claim to adore you -seems like its not really you they adore - its your fat and where you wear it. and that to me is fantasy. Because reality is there is a real woman or man under that flesh.
What held relationships together in the past no longer apply. Women have gained more independence and that may be freightening to some people. To discount a woman on such flimsy premises such as not being fat enough, not being peared shaped enough becomes the rationalization for the lack of ability to be close to the woman.
__________________
"It's absurd to divide people into good and bad. People either or charming or tedious." Oscar Wilde

Queen Elizabeth I residing within.

If I continue to eat I will grow as big as a room.
"What are rooms for?":bow:

Last edited by katherine22; 12-24-2009 at 06:53 PM.
katherine22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2009, 08:21 PM   #9
Tania
Disneyland Bobsled Team
 
Tania's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The corner of Small World Mall & Matterhorn Way.
Posts: 1,975
Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
...I meet these guys who seem to be attracted to me pretty much but I'm assigned the nosebleed section in the arena of their lives. This is a consistent issue and I wonder if maybe I'm being much too discriminatory? Maybe I should take a chance that some day things will change and I will eventually become significant to him but the prospect of doing that is unattractive to me. I won't dangle my heart out for someone who off the bat says that I will never be more important to him than his cell phone. Been there, done that, did NOT buy the shirt.
...
I still believe in love though. I believe that when two people truly love each other they can overcome anything and the reality of that could be a hearty full course meal rather than the confectionary fantasies we all like to read about and watch on the screen.
I feel all of this. In fact, I've been SO nosebleed section for so long that I'm not entirely sure what the real action's supposed to look like or even feel like up close. If no one ever returns your feelings, are your feelings real? It's like the tree falling in the woods - if no one's there to hear it, does it still make a sound?

I spent a couple of hours the other day trying to compose a response to FLW, but I was having real trouble coming up with anything that didn't sound like dead leaves in the wind. Good, solid, satisfying relationships - not perfect fantasies - must exist out there somewhere. I don't think the things I crave are fantasies. The people I like certainly aren't perfect fantasies. I don't really have any particularly unrealistic expectations of men, I don't think. And frankly, I don't think FLW does, either.

Love shouldn't leave you feeling spent and unfulfilled all the time. You shouldn't have to feel like your partner isn't holding up his end of the bargain because he's not even attempting to fulfill his promises to you. My one long-term relationship - my marriage - was a big, uneven mess, with me always left eating crow because my idiot ex-husband kept lying to me and ditching out on his obligations - not just to me, but to our friends and families, too. It was not only hurtful, it was often humiliating. There's a lot I'd do to make a situation work, but when it's obvious the other party's heart really isn't in it, why bother?
__________________
You're such a strange girl
I think you come from another world

~ The Cure

"She will never submit to any thing requiring industry and patience, and a subjection of the fancy to the understanding."
~ Mr. Knightley on Emma, Jane Austen's Emma
Tania is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2009, 06:01 AM   #10
TallFatSue
On Timeout
 
TallFatSue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 1,675
TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Romance novels and movies notwithstanding, "Prince Charmings" are in short supply. My own experience is that the blaze of romantic fireworks and being swept off my feet are unrealistic. On the other hand, there's much to be said for deep abiding affection. Marrying my best friend turned out to be the best decision I ever made. He's not the most romantic guy in the world in the classic sense, and I can't remember the last time he bought flowers for me. However he sure knows how to light my fires into a warm and loving glow.

One of my mother's many criticisms when I was growing up was that I was wayyyy too fat for any man to desire me, so I'd better get good grades and find a good career. Therefore I became pretty self-sufficient and had no expectations that "someday my prince will come." Luckily I met someone who admired my self-sufficiency and had pretty much the same positive-but-realistic outlook on life. It was awkward at first but we worked through it because we saw something special in each other. We had a romance out of a screwball comedy because he had no idea how to deal with so much fat, but he sure learned.
TallFatSue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2009, 08:13 AM   #11
LoveBHMS
default title
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,071
LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

This kind of reminds me of something I read about jobhunting, that it's nearly 100% unsuccessful because you only actually succeed once, but that's when you find a job. In other words, the majority of job hunting is sad, frustrating, annoying and depressing. You send out resumes that don't get answers, you try to network with people who ignore you, you go on interviews and don't get hired, you get told you're perfect for a position and you wait by the phone for the offer and it never comes. Eventually (hopefully) it works but everything before the time it worked really sucked.

Every relationship you have doesn't work (to some degree) except hopefully for the one that does. There are bad dates, guys who don't call back, guys who lie, guys who say they're going to do something and don't do it, broken promises, breakups, etc. I have an ongoing mindf**k that i'm trying to get out of and just yesterday the guy texts me when he's getting on a plane to go away for Christmas and says "I'll call you when I land" and he doesn't. A piece of me dies a little whenever that happens and it happens a lot.

Romantic fantasy is sold the same way magazine covers are airbrushed and photos are retouched. Nobody really looks like the retouched photo and nobody has a "fantasy" or fairytale life. If you aim to look that way or live that way, yes you'll be disappointed. But if you want to be pretty or fall in love, that can and does happen.

Did you all know that the original ending of the movie "Pretty Woman" ended with Richard Gere just throwing the $3000 at Julia Roberts and leaving? That ending was a bust with audiences, because like Vivian in the movie, they wanted a fairy tale. In reality, working as a Hollywood Boulevard hooker is not likely to hook you up with a billionaire prince who wants to marry you. I think to some degree a lot of the media fascination with Princess Diana was when it came to light that she was really desperately unhappy. Believing in fairy tales is great but learning that they're not real after all is comforting.
LoveBHMS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2009, 08:20 AM   #12
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigsexy920 View Post
It is hard because as secure as you may be, it is still very hard to hear that you are not attractive enough for someone that is in general interested in fat girls. We spend our whole life dodging or trying to dodge negative comments from the rest of the world and then you find this world and it feels at times that i spend more time dodging negative comments from the very people who claim to adore you -seems like its not really you they adore - its your fat and where you wear it. and that to me is fantasy. Because reality is there is a real woman or man under that flesh.
But it's so very, very clear that the problem is him, not you. I don't understand why we internalize things so much. Why we just assume that rejection = something wrong with us. He has the problem, and it's just as you said: He's not living in the real world. Someone who has a set of preferences SO narrow and SO specific may as well be shopping for a freaking toolbox rather than a relationship (and he'd probably treat you with just as much consideration).

Be thankful that you dodged that particular bullet. There are men out there who will love every inch of who and what you are, and won't require that you change one damn thing. Ironically, many of them probably don't even identify specifically as FA.
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2009, 08:31 AM   #13
toni
In the know
 
toni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: EWR
Posts: 2,962
toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Famouslastwords View Post
So I guess my questions are, ladies, is there such a thing as the perfect romance? Have any of you experienced it? Should I just accept the hand I've been dealt? In your experience, what is the reality of love?
I don't believe in it. I think it is all about finding someone you can get along with. That true love stuff they show us in the movies is all bullshit. It doesn't exist.

Being happy with who you are and who you are with is key. You need to live in the NOW and appreciate everything you have. I know it is very easy to say but very hard to do. I struggle with it everyday.

You though are dealing with a very hard issue. ED is horrible. It must make you feel all sorts of things(even though its not your fault). Has he seen a doctor? This would be a huge issue for me. He can not let i t linger, it is not fair to you.
toni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2009, 06:11 PM   #14
katherine22
 
katherine22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Tualatin, Oregon (near Portland)
Posts: 566
katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by toni View Post
I don't believe in it. I think it is all about finding someone you can get along with. That true love stuff they show us in the movies is all bullshit. It doesn't exist.

Being happy with who you are and who you are with is key. You need to live in the NOW and appreciate everything you have. I know it is very easy to say but very hard to do. I struggle with it everyday.

You though are dealing with a very hard issue. ED is horrible. It must make you feel all sorts of things(even though its not your fault). Has he seen a doctor? This would be a huge issue for me. He can not let i t linger, it is not fair to you.
Great post. If women would realize that they have everything within to have a fulfilling life then they would appear less incomplete in the eyes of men. Men run from the job of making a woman happy since it a enormous pressure to make another person happy.
__________________
"It's absurd to divide people into good and bad. People either or charming or tedious." Oscar Wilde

Queen Elizabeth I residing within.

If I continue to eat I will grow as big as a room.
"What are rooms for?":bow:
katherine22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-31-2009, 04:15 AM   #15
Hathor
stolen child
 
Hathor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: 48 states
Posts: 313
Hathor does more than just post hot picsHathor does more than just post hot picsHathor does more than just post hot pics
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Famouslastwords View Post
So I guess my questions are, ladies, is there such a thing as the perfect romance? Have any of you experienced it? Should I just accept the hand I've been dealt? In your experience, what is the reality of love?
FLW....

I am in the same boat as you. I imagine the greatest guy and when life delivers he's always less than par. Perhaps my standards are too high and I'm delusional about what having a boyfriend really entails or something.

I would love to get an Edward or a Viggo (Aragorn) or someone who passionately loves me despite my faults. In all honesty, he doesn't exist outside my dreams.
Hathor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-31-2009, 11:07 PM   #16
Famouslastwords
Iaintnogoddamnsonofabitch
 
Famouslastwords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Indiana, juss across the border from Kiiintucky in Newburgh.
Posts: 3,182
Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!Famouslastwords keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I wanted to thank all you ladies for your sincere responses. They mean a lot to mean and I'm happy for the discussion that has been generated here. I too, wonder if I am too picky. I had one really good, satisfying relationship (with my ex-fiance) it had it's ups and it's downs, but overall it was a great one and we really loved each other and we didn't break up because we stopped loving each other, we broke up because things got between us. I guess one could argue that if it was meant to be we would have survived those things. Still I can't even begin to know how to let go of the memory.

Quote:
Originally Posted by toni View Post
I don't believe in it. I think it is all about finding someone you can get along with. That true love stuff they show us in the movies is all bullshit. It doesn't exist.

Being happy with who you are and who you are with is key. You need to live in the NOW and appreciate everything you have. I know it is very easy to say but very hard to do. I struggle with it everyday.

You though are dealing with a very hard issue. ED is horrible. It must make you feel all sorts of things(even though its not your fault). Has he seen a doctor? This would be a huge issue for me. He can not let i t linger, it is not fair to you.
The first time my current boyfriend and I were together, we broke up the because of his erectile dysfunction, that he refused to do anything about, despite the fact that I cried, pleaded, begged, yelled, argued, everything him to do something. We got back together this time only because I had given up on guys and he promised to do something about his erectile dysfunction. It's been months and he's done nothing. He's told me he has basically felt like his life is on hold and that's why. I don't get it, but I'm fed up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hathor View Post
FLW....

I am in the same boat as you. I imagine the greatest guy and when life delivers he's always less than par. Perhaps my standards are too high and I'm delusional about what having a boyfriend really entails or something.

I would love to get an Edward or a Viggo (Aragorn) or someone who passionately loves me despite my faults. In all honesty, he doesn't exist outside my dreams.
It would appear so. Wouldn't it be nice though? I guess that's what dreams are for...
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"Larry, like most Australians, has spent some time in prison..."-Bruce Wallaby's World of Wonder
"And I never wanted anything from you except everything you ever had and what was left after that too."

Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls
I'd need to jump to get into a dumpster but that doesn't mean it's worth getting into one.
Famouslastwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-01-2010, 06:58 AM   #17
toni
In the know
 
toni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: EWR
Posts: 2,962
toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

That is so not cool. Force his hand. Tell him if he doesn't do something soon, you will take on another lover. He can not expect you to live without sex. Tell him if he can't give it, you will get it somewhere else. If he doesn't do anything to fix himself after that, follow through on your threat.
toni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-01-2010, 07:54 AM   #18
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Famouslastwords View Post



The first time my current boyfriend and I were together, we broke up the because of his erectile dysfunction, that he refused to do anything about, despite the fact that I cried, pleaded, begged, yelled, argued, everything him to do something. We got back together this time only because I had given up on guys and he promised to do something about his erectile dysfunction. It's been months and he's done nothing. He's told me he has basically felt like his life is on hold and that's why. I don't get it, but I'm fed up.



It would appear so. Wouldn't it be nice though? I guess that's what dreams are for...

FLW, yikes. What a sensitive, unhappy issue for both of you. If I were in your position, I'd want to know why he hasn't followed through with a treatment plan. What are the issues that are preventing him from doing so? Fear? Pride? Misdirected anger? I'm not even hinting at a reason here, just throwing out the first things that come to mind. Do you have any ideas? Has he told you? Can you discuss it with him without an angry and defensive reaction (on either side)?

I'm trying to think of how I'd react if I were in your shoes, and it's impossible. I've been with my husband for 20+ years and we have a child together, so I doubt I'd leave him if this were the only issue between us, although it would be very emotionally painful for both of us. In your position, you don't have as much vested - although clearly, there is love there. You need to decide if it is enough. If it is, then that means you've made a decision and know in advance that he is probably never going to meet your needs sexually. The one thing that I've learned -- the hard, very very hard way -- is that people for the most part do not change. This has been a problem in your relationship for a very long time, and the pattern seems fairly set - he's not going to get help unless he's presented with an option that is more painful than his current reality. And when that crisis passes, can you rely on him to continue making an effort, or would it be more likely that he'd slip back into his old, comfortable patterns? Sometimes, that which makes us very unhappy is also something familiar, known, and oh-so-easy to fall back into.

That said, I also feel for your boyfriend since I know that he has to be suffering too. Eventually, you will do what is right for *you*. Right now, it seems that you are focusing on trying to salvage something with a man that you love very much. You'll find your threshhold point. I know you will. You're a capable, clever (and altogether evil ) gal.
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2010, 12:21 PM   #19
BubbleButtBabe
No one cares anyway
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hellsville
Posts: 1,071
BubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging inBubbleButtBabe makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Famouslastwords View Post
I'm not happy. He's not even trying. He gives me anything I want that we can afford, he supports me emotionally, but one of my conditions for getting back with him was that he work on his erectile dysfunction, and he hasn't even TRIED to have sex with me. He admits it's a mental block, but he doesn't seem interested in even working through it. It's like he's just wants me to leave again.

I chose to get back with him because I decided together and miserable was better than alone and miserable. Part of me still hopes that there's still a perfect relationship out there for me.

So I guess my questions are, ladies, is there such a thing as the perfect romance? Have any of you experienced it? Should I just accept the hand I've been dealt? In your experience, what is the reality of love?
I tried to stay out of this because I am afraid what I am going to say is going to be harsh and I would hurt your feelings Rachel..I do not want to do that but I do want to be honest..

He is not supportive of your emotions,he only gives you "stuff" to keep you under his thumb..He is an control freak..He holds back intimacy and sex to keep you in control..Not having a good sex life should be the killer to this relationship..I am sorry but he is not going to try to work on his issues,never..You can scream and yell and cuss but it will not change his mind..Been here done this before...He has zero respect for you..To him it does not matter what you want or need emotionally or intimately you are not getting it from him..You wont ever get it from him..I was married to a man like this..The optimum word being was..

If it was me personally I would move on..You can't find anyone being in a dead end relationship and settling for someone just so you wont be alone..I can do alone and miserable a whole lot better then in a relationship with no end in sight and miserable..

I do not believe in a perfect relationship,they are all going to have their ups and downs..All of them have good and bad times..I believe you can find someone that is your equal that will respect and love you without all the fkin games..You can find someone that will be good to you and try to make life better for you..Some one that will help you in life,to me that is the reality of love..
__________________
To hurt someone's spirit is to kill their soul...Me

Only two miracles are worth seeing:
The miracle of loving
And
The miracle of forgiving-Sri Chinmoy
BubbleButtBabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2010, 08:29 PM   #20
Paul
 
Paul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In the Great White North.
Posts: 1,570
Paul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions communityPaul is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleButtBabe View Post
I tried to stay out of this because I am afraid what I am going to say is going to be harsh and I would hurt your feelings Rachel..I do not want to do that but I do want to be honest..

He is not supportive of your emotions,he only gives you "stuff" to keep you under his thumb..He is an control freak..He holds back intimacy and sex to keep you in control..Not having a good sex life should be the killer to this relationship..I am sorry but he is not going to try to work on his issues,never..You can scream and yell and cuss but it will not change his mind..Been here done this before...He has zero respect for you..To him it does not matter what you want or need emotionally or intimately you are not getting it from him..You wont ever get it from him..I was married to a man like this..The optimum word being was..

I do not believe in a perfect relationship,they are all going to have their ups and downs..All of them have good and bad times..I believe you can find someone that is your equal that will respect and love you without all the fkin games..You can find someone that will be good to you and try to make life better for you..Some one that will help you in life,to me that is the reality of love..

Famouslastwords listen to what Bublebutbabe is saying. I believe she is right. It is very hard to be alone and miserable. We fool ourselves when we fall into the trap that we will be happier if we are with someone (even if we are miserable being with them), than alone and miserable. Trust me you will be much happier alone than with someone who doesn't care enough to work on the issues destroying your relationship. Ask yourself these two questions you have probably been avoiding, "Why is he with you, if he will not work with you to improve the relationship?" and "Deep in your heart of hearts do you feel he truly loves you?"

You cannot make someone love you. I know. For several years while at university I was with a woman who saw the two of us as very good friends. I kept believing that we could be more than friends if I worked hard enough on our relationship. I thought she was the girl of my dreams. I was wrong. Hanging on to this hope I missed out on several opportunities to begin new relationships, relationships were I could find real love.

The longer you remain in a relationship were he truly does not appear to want to take the relationship to the next level, the longer it will take for you to find that truly special man who will love you with all his heart and you both will want to spend the rest of your lives together..

Trust me, you will be happier alone than with this man. Famouslastwords you are an awesome woman. How can you let this man treat you this way.

If it was me I would move on. You can't find someone who will truly love you if you remain in a dead end relationship. Settling for someone just so you wont be alone and miserable is not the way to find love and happiness. Trust me alone and miserable is a whole lot better then being with someone and still miserable.

It will be hard to be alone. In the long run you will be glad you moved on. To find someone who will love you you must end this dead end relationship. Only then will you have the opportunity to find someone you can love and who will love you in return.
__________________
We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. --Winston Churchill

I'm a Canadian.

Last edited by olwen; 01-03-2010 at 12:39 PM. Reason: removed potentially sexually innapropriate comment.
Paul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2010, 01:40 PM   #21
Sandie S-R
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,253
Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!Sandie S-R keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

FLW,

I don't believe there is a "perfect" relationship. But I do believe there is a "perfect for me" relationship. Both my husband and I are far from perfect people - but we are perfect for each other. The foundation for our relationship is mutual respect and a deep friendship. It really is true that if you marry your best friend it's as good as it gets. My husband and I absolutely adore each other, and what we have is genuine. Do we have problems - of course, who doesn't? But we can work out anything because the foundation is respect and friendship. Neither one of us would ever do anything to hurt the other one. We strive to build each other up and support each other.

I think you have to ask yourself if there is mutual respect and friendship as a basis for your relationship. It sounds like he cares for you, but it also sounds like he is having some problems that only he can work out. For you to settle for something that is not what you want, will never work. Any of us who have been around the block once or twice can tell you that.

As far as the ED goes, him saying it is a mental block, doesn't necessarily make it so. There are any number of things that can cause ED, and it can just as easily be physiological as it can be mental. To have it diagnosed properly he would have to see a Dr. that specializes in that. It sounds like he is either afraid or very uncomfortable doing that. Many men find it hard to discuss.

Don't know if any of this helps, but I hope you figure you way through this FLW. Sending you a hug.
Sandie S-R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2010, 03:24 PM   #22
Jes
is oddly aroused
 
Jes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,553
Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Famouslastwords View Post
So I guess my questions are, ladies, is there such a thing as the perfect romance? Have any of you experienced it? Should I just accept the hand I've been dealt? In your experience, what is the reality of love?
I hear your frustration and I'm sorry for it. But I also hear that you're answering your own questions here, FLWords. Storybook romances are stories. In books. Hint: Edward doesn't actually exist. Stories have a place in this world, but they shouldn't be mistaken for real life. We're only setting ourselves up for discontent when we do that, and there are really so many wonderful things in this world if we work on finding them. You spoke of the wonderful relationship you had with your ex. Yes, it didn't work out, but that doesn't make the good any less good, does it? A good relationship should fall someplace on the 'totally perfect/shitty spectrum,' but not at either end, I think. SOund like you had one close to the perfect, and are now having one close to the shitty. But make no mistake about it--you've answered your own question w/o any input from us. There ARE better relationships than the one you're in, and you CAN and HAVE experienced one of them.

Now, on to your sex life (hey, you opened that door, I'm only following you through it). Lack of a functioning penis doesn't mean lack of a sex life. Lack of desire on one's part might, but only if that person isn't willing to go through some motions to at least see you enjoy yourself sometimes ('fake it 'til you make it?'). Does he put his mouth on you? Does he use his hand on you? does he use a dildo or a vibe on you? does he tell you you're beautiful? does he touch you while you're watching tv together? Or is this a completely non-physical/non-sexual love affair you're having? SOme people would be good with that, but it sounds like you're not. But if he's telling you that his lack of libido/lack of erection ability means you 2 can't have a sex life, he's either lying or insane. Your pick. If you can handle the truth of the situation ('I don't feel any sex drive and I'm also not willing to move past that to give you any pleasure') then fine. But make him tell you the goddamned truth, b/c I don't think it's about his penis. I think it's about his choices and whether he's sometimes willing to put your needs above his. If you're going to settle for this relationship OR leave it, then do it for a real reason. He's not giving you the real one now, I don't think.
Jes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2010, 04:02 PM   #23
activistfatgirl
donuts at the finish line
 
activistfatgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Boston
Posts: 4,115
activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.activistfatgirl has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Having a healthy relationship is not a fantasy.

Being with someone just so you don't have to be alone is probably the best way of not having calm, centered space in your life to find a healthy relationship.

I don't want to be harsh, but we really all do have to face this. The problem isn't that no amazing Edwards exist. It's that you're settling for the Villian - would you even recognize Edward if he was near?
__________________
"Your half chub is offensive to my delicate sensibilities."
activistfatgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2010, 06:15 PM   #24
katherine22
 
katherine22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Tualatin, Oregon (near Portland)
Posts: 566
katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!katherine22 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jes View Post
I hear your frustration and I'm sorry for it. But I also hear that you're answering your own questions here, FLWords. Storybook romances are stories. In books. Hint: Edward doesn't actually exist. Stories have a place in this world, but they shouldn't be mistaken for real life. We're only setting ourselves up for discontent when we do that, and there are really so many wonderful things in this world if we work on finding them. You spoke of the wonderful relationship you had with your ex. Yes, it didn't work out, but that doesn't make the good any less good, does it? A good relationship should fall someplace on the 'totally perfect/shitty spectrum,' but not at either end, I think. SOund like you had one close to the perfect, and are now having one close to the shitty. But make no mistake about it--you've answered your own question w/o any input from us. There ARE better relationships than the one you're in, and you CAN and HAVE experienced one of them.

Now, on to your sex life (hey, you opened that door, I'm only following you through it). Lack of a functioning penis doesn't mean lack of a sex life. Lack of desire on one's part might, but only if that person isn't willing to go through some motions to at least see you enjoy yourself sometimes ('fake it 'til you make it?'). Does he put his mouth on you? Does he use his hand on you? does he use a dildo or a vibe on you? does he tell you you're beautiful? does he touch you while you're watching tv together? Or is this a completely non-physical/non-sexual love affair you're having? SOme people would be good with that, but it sounds like you're not. But if he's telling you that his lack of libido/lack of erection ability means you 2 can't have a sex life, he's either lying or insane. Your pick. If you can handle the truth of the situation ('I don't feel any sex drive and I'm also not willing to move past that to give you any pleasure') then fine. But make him tell you the goddamned truth, b/c I don't think it's about his penis. I think it's about his choices and whether he's sometimes willing to put your needs above his. If you're going to settle for this relationship OR leave it, then do it for a real reason. He's not giving you the real one now, I don't think.
Wow, I am blown away by your analysis of this situation. You have given famouslastwords a lot to think about. There is a difference between having sexual dysfunction that becomes a rationalization for selfishness vs. sexual dysfunction where one wants to give another pleasure despite it.
__________________
"It's absurd to divide people into good and bad. People either or charming or tedious." Oscar Wilde

Queen Elizabeth I residing within.

If I continue to eat I will grow as big as a room.
"What are rooms for?":bow:
katherine22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2010, 06:59 PM   #25
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,064
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

If you hope to find another relationship as good as the first one you had, why are you tying yourself up and trying to "fix" one that doesn't sound nearly as good?

Stop letting your fear drive. You are young, beautiful, groovy, kind, witty and intelligent. As Jes said, you had better. You're not spoiled......you just want and deserve more.

This feeling of dissatisfaction....perhaps even frustration.....how long do you want to live feeling that way? Do you want to spend....oh say....three years of your life feeling like that? How about 5 or 10? Your life is valuable.....don't waste it trying to fix someone that isn't even willing to try....no matter what lip service he pays you.
I say that from personal experience. Don't take his problems onto yourself.....particularly if his problems hurt you.

I can fully agree that relationships are compromises.....this just doesn't sound like a good kind of compromise if it makes you feel this way.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:33 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.