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Old 01-08-2010, 02:36 AM   #1
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Default Lived a little and wiser for it

In chats and other discussions with fat women, I've noticed that the words, "I wish I'd known then" often come up when we talk about our younger selves.

If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being fat? Answers from BBWs and SSBBWs only please.
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Old 01-08-2010, 03:20 AM   #2
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I would tell her that:
  • Dwelling on perceived negatives about herself from others is a complete and total waste of time and only will drag her down.
  • She should focus on the positive in herself, that the negative would be taken care of with time and patience.
  • She shouldn't be so impatient and frustrated with her endeavors.
  • People love her as she is, not hoping she would be someone different.

Of course, she's thick headed, stubborn and thinks she's knows it all, so she would have never listened.
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Old 01-08-2010, 07:00 AM   #3
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I would tell her that she is a strong resilient woman. That she doesn't have to play herself small or change herself around as the person that is is should be enough for those around her. Just by being herself she will find the love she seeks.
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Old 01-08-2010, 09:29 AM   #4
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I would tell her to lighten up, not take every little thing so seriously. I would tell her that she is beautiful, inside and out. I would tell her to trust herself because she is smart, funny, intelligent and knows her own heart. That life is made up of moments and not one lasts forever. There is always another just ahead. Be happy, don't wait to be happy.

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Old 01-08-2010, 11:50 AM   #5
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I would tell myself three things:

- Don't allow other people to dictate how you should live your life, what values you should embrace, and what your priorities should be. It's hard to defy those around you and do what you feel is best for *you* but in the end, it's better to just be true to yourself and if necessary, find new people who support you or just do it on your own.

- Do not for one day take for granted the fact that you are healthy and mobile. Any effort you put into remaining fit and healthy in your twenties is nothing compared to the amount of effort you will have to put into getting fit and healthy in your thirties or forties, especially if problems have already taken root.

- Go with the flow and be flexible in where life takes you. You may feel you have it all planned out by the time you reach adulthood, but once you hit the real world you may feel that your plan is not really what you hoped it would be and doesn't give you the satisfaction you expected. Very little is set in stone, and don't be afraid to reinvent yourself, move on, move up, or move down if where you're at isn't so much working for you anymore. Success is not what you earn or own or acheive, it's creating a life where you can just be content with what you have.

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Old 01-08-2010, 12:03 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
- Do not for one day take for granted the fact that you are healthy and mobile. Any effort you put into remaining fit and healthy in your twenties is nothing compared to the amount of effort you will have to put into getting fit and healthy in your thirties or forties, especially if problems have already taken root.
This one is really good, and I would add: even if you're not ready to accept and love your body just yet, do not put off doing the things you want to do until "someday, once I've lost weight". In truth, that day probably won't come, and far more importantly, that's just no way to live. Carpe diem, baby.
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Old 01-08-2010, 12:44 PM   #7
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Do not think that most people are gawking at you.

Most of us humans are way too self-absorbed to care much about you in ways you think we care about you.

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Old 01-08-2010, 12:46 PM   #8
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Cool thread. Subscribing!
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Old 01-08-2010, 02:37 PM   #9
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Thanks for participating, ladies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
Do not for one day take for granted the fact that you are healthy and mobile. Any effort you put into remaining fit and healthy in your twenties is nothing compared to the amount of effort you will have to put into getting fit and healthy in your thirties or forties, especially if problems have already taken root.
This. So much. Move, move, move. Can't say it enough. I'd tell her to love her body, stop trying to make it skinny and instead to make it strong and do whatever she can to avoid gaining more.

I'd tell her to make time to weave strong connections to friends and loved ones, even if it means less focus on career, because there will come a point where career doesn't seem as important anymore but those connections will mean everything. They are life.

I'd tell her to travel even more, because the best time to do that is while you're young, able to rough it cheap and willing to exchange risk for experience. And that that experience never loses its value.

And I'd tell her she's not anywhere near as fat as she thinks she is, and if she doesn't believe that then whoa baby she ought to see what could be coming later on!

Last edited by rainyday; 01-08-2010 at 03:03 PM.
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Old 01-08-2010, 02:55 PM   #10
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You're smarter than you give yourself credit for.

Your family loves you more than you think.

Not all of your friends are good for you.

You are not a spectacle, nor do people always instantly judge your fat before everything else.

You need to see a doctor because it isn't going to just go away.

P.S. I love you.
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Old 01-08-2010, 03:04 PM   #11
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Seriously, seriously awsome advice. I love this thread already. I'm not quite 30 yet but there's a whole lot I'd say to the girl i was. I'd tell her:
You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful.
Its ok to be fat and to like it.
You are not your fat or the size of your breasts or the width of your hips.
You are worthy of respect and love.
You are beautiful.
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Old 01-08-2010, 07:53 PM   #12
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I would tell my younger self to not waste time with men who won't respect her, and to demand a lot up front and if they couldn't do that, then to walk away. I'd tell her that she doesn't need male attention for validation - especially closeted ones, cause it gets old fast. It's a complete waste of time. I'd also tell her to learn to knit and sew really well so her clothes could better express who she is. I think if I knew how to sew at an early age I might not have had such a loathing for the fashion industry and I wouldn't have spent so many years hating everything I wore and going out of my way to avoid shopping. Shopping is still frustrating now, but I fret less about it because I am less afraid to either try to alter something myself or have it done professionally. I like my clothes a lot better now.
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Old 01-08-2010, 11:28 PM   #13
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I know exactly what I would say to my younger self.

~You do not need a man in your life before you are 30..Enjoy being single and having fun..

~Enjoy the weirdness that is you..You are one of a kind..

~Let more people in and let them see how you really are..

~Work getting over your past hurts so they do not affect your future so much..

~Travel and see as much of the world as you can..

~Kiss that nice looking guy that keeps winking at you..He may be a FA in disguise!
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:11 AM   #14
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Not too sure how much more wise I've become yet I have my list of things I could tell my 30 year old self. I wish time really were a Wheel that maybe these would fall through the space-time continuum to be retro-activated:

-don't go with that guy to Washington state
-in 3 years you'll find a place called Dimensions. Join up and participate actively!
-get your AAS degree first
-dance more and keep swimming. 4+ years ago was your last diet ever but becoming less active will just end up with you bummed and your one knee will be a PITA
-take a chance with that other guy who offered last year. he's younger but of age and you'll regret it when you're older, trust me
-no matter what anyone, Anyone, said or did, you're worthy of affection, admiration, and respect
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Old 01-09-2010, 01:30 AM   #15
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You are pretty.
You are thin.
Say NO.
Don't sweat the jerkfaces. You'll forget they exist in a couple of years.
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Old 01-09-2010, 03:33 AM   #16
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* You are worthy of anothers love
* Remember that kiss, that hug, those words of encouragement, the touch of a hand......for they may be the last ones
* So what if your bum looks big in that
* Walk with your head held high
* If it is not working, have the courage to move on!
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Old 01-09-2010, 03:22 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainyday View Post
In chats and other discussions with fat women, I've noticed that the words, "I wish I'd known then" often come up when we talk about our younger selves.

If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being fat? Answers from BBWs and SSBBWs only please.
*subscribe*

Good idea for a thread rainy.

Oh my......... I think I would have told myself to fly........get far away, think of yourself first instead of pleasing others. Who cares if you rock the boat; in the long run you'll be happier for it.

I think that ties in with being a SSBBW (or BBW when younger). In my unhappiness for having* to please others, I turned towards food to comfort myself since I was so miserable.

*I said 'have' because in a way, I had to please others to survive. My mom's bi-polar and spent the majority of my life in and out of psych hospitals. I'd be shuffled here and there, and often had to take care of myself. If I wasn't "perfect," I'd be yelled at and dumped. So, I always had to plaster a smile on my face regardless of how I felt.
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Old 01-09-2010, 03:41 PM   #18
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This thread? This is one of the many reasons I love women so much. With this kind of wisdom, there is nothing we cannot accomplish.

Okay, so mine?

You do not need a man in order to be whole, "good enough", or whatever else you think you need a man to accomplish. Do not sell yourself short, do not accept less than you deserve, do not "settle" because you're afraid to be alone.

Be fierce! You're stronger than you think you are.

Enjoy those babies. Don't stress so much on being a perfect mom and having a clean house and gourmet meals. Just love them and savor.... every... moment. You don't want to forget them.

Don't listen to him. You're brilliant. You can go back to school and be a success. He's just jealous and insecure and not worthy of you. Leave him. Now. Don't waste another year with someone who makes you feel less than the wonderful person you are. Go. Now. Don't give him another opportunity to hit you again.
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Old 01-09-2010, 04:32 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Vickie View Post
This thread? This is one of the many reasons I love women so much. With this kind of wisdom, there is nothing we cannot accomplish.

Okay, so mine?

You do not need a man in order to be whole, "good enough", or whatever else you think you need a man to accomplish. Do not sell yourself short, do not accept less than you deserve, do not "settle" because you're afraid to be alone.

Be fierce! You're stronger than you think you are.

Enjoy those babies. Don't stress so much on being a perfect mom and having a clean house and gourmet meals. Just love them and savor.... every... moment. You don't want to forget them.

Don't listen to him. You're brilliant. You can go back to school and be a success. He's just jealous and insecure and not worthy of you. Leave him. Now. Don't waste another year with someone who makes you feel less than the wonderful person you are. Go. Now. Don't give him another opportunity to hit you again.
Yes! A thousand times YES!
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:48 PM   #20
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don't give over your identity to another person even if and maybe particularly if they are extraordinarily wonderful. one day they could just leave your life through no fault of thier own or your own. make sure you always have your identity fully intact.
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Old 01-11-2010, 01:55 PM   #21
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It sounds corny, but when I was 20 and on the brink of adulthood, I wanted to know more than anything whether my life was headed in the right direction, and whether I was making good, informed decisions. If I could tell my younger self anything, I'd say "you're doing fine, but those clothes you're wearing are soooo 1970s!" Wise ass that I am, no doubt I'd tell my older self, "But it is the 1970s!"

Regarding being fat, my mother gave me the best of advice AND the worst of advice as she repeatedly told me I was wayyyy too fat ever to attract a good husband (yeah right), so I'd better get good grades and find a good career (wellll okay, just in case). And so I became a career woman, and defined myself in terms of who I was rather than by what others said I should be. It so happened that my Mr. Right fell into my lap anyway, albeit disguised as Mr. Just-Plain-Wrong, but I had enough presence of mind to recognize a diamond in the rough. Well, actually he was a lump of coal, but with enough heat and pressure he BECAME a diamond in the rough. After 27-going-on-28 years of marriage he sure shines whenever I buff him up (nudge nudge, wink wink).

One of the best advantages of being as fat as I am is it's helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life. I can starve myself the rest of my life and be thin, or I can accept and accommodate my fat and lead a rich, rewarding life -- I cannot possibly do both. It pays to set good priorities, and have a focus.
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Old 01-11-2010, 03:40 PM   #22
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Not quite 30 yet, but here goes

Never let your inner child die. Always remain curious about the world; do something you've never done.

Get outside of your head. Tame the negative tape running.

Fall in love with yourself. Be confident and if at first you can't, fake it til you make it.

Travel and travel some more. Lose yourself to find yourself.

Build/create a fabulous life for yourself - people naturally gravitate towards vibrate, active people.

Take care of your body. See your doc, excercise, etc.
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Old 01-11-2010, 08:31 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by TallFatSue View Post
he sure shines whenever I buff him up (nudge nudge, wink wink).
ROFL......sorry......this just cracked me up
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Old 01-11-2010, 09:53 PM   #24
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1. Don't spend so much time on the computer.
2. The tingly feeling and swelling in your lower limbs is not normal. That's your body telling you it needs to move more.
3. When the doctor recommends you do the above as well as elevate your legs, and begin wearing compression stockings, listen. Lymphedema isn't fun.

Those were the first things that came to mind for me. There's so much many of you have mentioned here that I'd also wish someone had said to me, though I'm not sure I would have believed or been too receptive to it. I really needed it beaten into my head that being fat doesn't make me any less of a person or less worthy of love than anyone else.
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Old 01-12-2010, 03:17 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by ashmamma84 View Post
Not quite 30 yet, but here goes

Never let your inner child die. Always remain curious about the world; do something you've never done.

Get outside of your head. Tame the negative tape running.

Fall in love with yourself. Be confident and if at first you can't, fake it til you make it.

Travel and travel some more. Lose yourself to find yourself.

Build/create a fabulous life for yourself - people naturally gravitate towards vibrate, active people.

Take care of your body. See your doc, excercise, etc.
That first one...when I was younger and my teachers and other adults kept telling me never to forget my dreams, to never stop laughing and playing, I was always like: WTF is this crazy women on about?? How can I forget my dreams? Why would I stop playing, stop being a child? Ah, the sweet, blissful arrogance of youth. Keeping that inner innocense, that joy in life alive has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Being around my niece helps, that child saved my laughter and my soul more times than I can actually say, and she keeps doing it. But that is honestly such amazing advice, but extremely difficult to follow.
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