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Old 01-11-2010, 10:51 AM   #1
Ernest Nagel
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Default If you knew then what you know now?

This is a shameless re-thread from Rainyday on the BBW Forum. How about it guys? Have we learned anything over the years? Don't think I can ask it better than RD:

"If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being an FA? Answers from FAs and SSAs only please."

BTW, if you have the time some of the ladies answers to this query in the BBW Forum are really quite moving. Too lazy to figure out how to link directly to that, sorry.
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Old 01-11-2010, 11:01 AM   #2
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I was thinking of doing this same thing, Ernest....glad you saved me the effort

I suppose that what I'd say would depend on at what age I was talking to my younger self. But the general gist of the message would probably always be:

"How you feel about fat is not going to change or go away, so you have to decide how you want to live with it. There are other people out there with similar feelings, but most people who are fat, even if they are OK with their bodies, don't feel the same way about it that you do, and are not apt to ever feel that way."
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Old 01-11-2010, 03:36 PM   #3
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OK, I'll throw in.
  • Take care of yourself; you may last longer than seems likely.
  • Listen when she talks! Take notes if you have to. Ask questions when you don't understand.
  • You'll always make more money. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc you can't get back.
  • Don't be indispensable. No one will love you for it and it will wind up costing you the ones who do love you.
  • While we're on the subject, find someone who loves you for who you are, not just what you can provide. Believe it or not they're out there.
  • Divorce just means you're not married anymore, that's all. It doesn't make you an abject failure as a human being.
  • Bigger isn't better if she's not happy.
  • Not everyone should be in a relationship. Friends and family are great. Don't lose sight of that looking for something "more".

    Regret is a waste of time!!!!

I may think of others but that's a start.
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Old 01-12-2010, 09:43 AM   #4
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Oh yay! I'm glad you reposted this here - looking forward to reading all the responses.

Tad and Ernest, so far really great ones posted
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Old 01-13-2010, 03:28 PM   #5
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Tough thread...I'm 35.

I started thinking of a lot of things I would say to myself (probably 12 or 13-year old me), but couldn't get past the fact that if I could actually say something to myself at that age it might screw up my future, because right now things are pretty much how I want them to be. Kind of like a "Back to the Future/don't mess with the space-time continuum" thing. I didn't have the best childhood, but I wouldn't trade my 20's and 30's for anything.

But...since it's just a thread on Dims, I think more than anything I would just encourage myself to be more social, and don't worry so much about everything. "Go and get whatever you want" to possibly oversimplify it, or "don't fear rejection so much."

Of course 12 or 13 year old me would just ignore me anyways...
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:53 AM   #6
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This is really totally relevant stuff. But it's also stuff that one can only appreciate in retrospect. There is absolutely no way to anticipate what the filter of time will do to one's perception. Like, it's simply not conceivable in the heat of the moment that a single hit in a football game can become a debilitating liability 40 years later. And so on. If everyone had two shots at life and could do the whole thing over, things would look a whole lot different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ernest Nagel View Post
OK, I'll throw in.
  • Take care of yourself; you may last longer than seems likely.
  • Listen when she talks! Take notes if you have to. Ask questions when you don't understand.
  • You'll always make more money. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc you can't get back.
  • Don't be indispensable. No one will love you for it and it will wind up costing you the ones who do love you.
  • While we're on the subject, find someone who loves you for who you are, not just what you can provide. Believe it or not they're out there.
  • Divorce just means you're not married anymore, that's all. It doesn't make you an abject failure as a human being.
  • Bigger isn't better if she's not happy.
  • Not everyone should be in a relationship. Friends and family are great. Don't lose sight of that looking for something "more".

    Regret is a waste of time!!!!

I may think of others but that's a start.
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Old 04-14-2010, 11:35 AM   #7
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I never would have dated skinny girls.
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Old 04-14-2010, 06:14 PM   #8
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Damn you for making that Rod Stewart song pop into my head!
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Old 04-14-2010, 07:31 PM   #9
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Most people live entirely inside their heads. They don't see YOU; they see their concept of you. They don't hear you, either; they're too busy thinking about what they're going to say next. You too can spend your whole life like that, or you can -- with effort -- manage to put your concepts aside once in a while and simply see what's there. And you can listen deeply to what people say, and focus -- with effort -- on them and not on you. You may not be able to live your whole life that way, but the times that you get out of your head and out of your self will show you life at its most vivid.
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Old 04-14-2010, 09:06 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Feelgood View Post
Most people live entirely inside their heads. They don't see YOU; they see their concept of you. They don't hear you, either; they're too busy thinking about what they're going to say next. You too can spend your whole life like that, or you can -- with effort -- manage to put your concepts aside once in a while and simply see what's there. And you can listen deeply to what people say, and focus -- with effort -- on them and not on you. You may not be able to live your whole life that way, but the times that you get out of your head and out of your self will show you life at its most vivid.
This seems to0 Kant and Platonic to me! (in a good way!)
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Old 04-16-2010, 05:41 PM   #11
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I WOULD SAY 2 MY SELF THAT I AM ATTRACTED 2 DIFFERENT SIZE WOMEN BUT ESPECIALLY BBW!!!!!:
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Old 04-18-2010, 12:30 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ernest Nagel View Post
.
"If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being an FA? Answers from FAs and SSAs only please."
.
Now, I'm a 55yo FA.

What I knew at age 17 there are men outside that are attracted to big girls, I'm not the only one. So, I have never thought attraction to big women is odd.

I didn't know that SSBBWs have to be treated in a special way, I knew nothing about the difficulties that fatties have finding suitable chairs, climbing stairs, about buying clothes and all the other handicaps.
I knew nothing about how a woman feels who lives inside a large body. I knew nothing about size discrimination. For me big women were sexy, I didn't see the soul of the object of my desire. I was an ignorant young man who was busy with his own sexuality.

I would tell the young FA:
Figure out how you can tread your girl in the best way. Your fat girl has a soul, desires, learn to deal with her emotions and treat her like a queen.
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