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Old 01-17-2010, 08:03 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by olwen View Post

The other thing I think about tho is how to define "bbw." If someone I might not think is a bbw thinks they are a bbw then who am I to argue. That whole question about where fatness starts is just - it kinda blows my mind. If a thin woman can still identify with, sympathize, or empathize with any of the things much bigger women go thru and they can offer up support then I wouldn't want to begrudge them that. If they question something in an attempt to understand what we go thru, I wouldn't want to begruge them that either. As long as we're all supporting each other somehow that's a good thing in my book.
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A lot of women on these boards have said something along the lines of "I am a woman who happens to be fat." To not discuss general women's issues would be to marginalize us even more. It would be difficult to talk about being fat women without the women part. It just makes sense that we would all want to talk about general women's issues from time to time, and it wouldn't be at all practical or possible to ask your fellow posters to not talk about issues that all women go thru. Why should there be one without the other?

Men are allowed to post as long as what they have to say is positive, respectful and supportive. As I said above, I think supportive posts are good no matter who they come from.
I tend to agree. I get so sick of the "not big enough" crap that goes on around here.....and women doing it to each other is worse, IMO.

Those that have been fat once upon a time.....they wouldn't understand a fat woman's issue?

Don't get why general women's issues wouldn't also be fat women issues. We just tend to get more "protection" discussing them here.
Where else on the boards do we get to discuss women's issues, btw?
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:50 PM   #27
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I tend to agree. I get so sick of the "not big enough" crap that goes on around here.....and women doing it to each other is worse, IMO.

Those that have been fat once upon a time.....they wouldn't understand a fat woman's issue?

Don't get why general women's issues wouldn't also be fat women issues. We just tend to get more "protection" discussing them here.
Where else on the boards do we get to discuss women's issues, btw?

The thing is, there is no general ' man board '...there just....isn't. There is a reason for that. This site is Dims...not a board which is set up to see men as a group.....or women, as a group.

If men want to discuss something that pertains directly to being a man...there is no forum for that. This forum was proposed as a bbw forum....I know it was....I was there.


I will just never understand why the urge to push bbw onto the backburner, in favor of making sure everybody else is served and comfy.


Gee....maybe we need two more forums.
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:54 PM   #28
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Gee....I was there, too. Don't quite feel or see that BBW are being pushed away by women not fat enough......

Different perceptions perhaps?
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:08 AM   #29
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Gee....I was there, too. Don't quite feel or see that BBW are being pushed away by women not fat enough......

Different perceptions perhaps?
See, i don't post as much here as perhaps i would like to and one of the reasons is because i'm not sure i define myself as a 'bbw'. Technically/medically i am obese. (oh gak that's such an ugly word..and i love the word oboe too!) The last time i weighed myself at xmas was at my parents house slighty drunk and i was 15st which is not thin by any standard.
Perhaps i don't feel i fit in so much here because my partner is about 10st heavier than me, so maby i feel like the thin one? Maby its because i gained quite a lot of weight over 2 years (i am a fluctuation queen btw!) and so entered the realms of fatness but my brain hasn't caught up with my body yet? In any case i don't feel i have any more or any less to add to the discussion here that i would have had when i was 4st less than i am now. I don't have the experience of growing up as a fat child and i don't have any 'problems' per say that i would relate to my weight (or 'fat'). The only thing might be my parents relationship with weight issues and how they affect me, though i avoid that mainly.
I can see the point about not diluting the board and that fat women need a space though i think sometimes 'fat' or 'big' in this case can be quite difficult to define.
I really think size is subjective and its definition so complex. People may feel mentally fat if they have body dysmorphia, for example, and so someone relatively thin might understand some of the psychological body issues that someone considered fat 'here' might go through. Some people who are considered thin on this pretty much western website may be considered fat where they live and may have been brought up with the social pressures to lose weight and the feelings of not fitting in even though to most here their bodies seem thin; They are 'fat by location' if you will.
There are those who have had wls or who have lost weight but still struggle with some of the same issues that people who still have fat bodies struggle with;They may still see themselves as fat in certain aspects of their lives, perhaps in relation to food or self esteme. Also, people who have 'been' fat have just as much insight and can offer just as much help and advice to people here because just because your body changes your memory isn't erased.
I'm not sure what the answer is relating to who should/can post on the 'bbw' board. I know that personally i don't post as much as i would like to as i don't feel 'fat enough'. Maby, on another level i just don't feel 'woman enough'. Historically (i'm not saying it happens here but somehow history can etch itself on the psychy of groups of people) the womans movement initially rejected the issues of gay women because it seemed more important to achieve 'womans' rights first. I think in many areas of society i don't feel i belong with the women somehow. I know a lot of gay women who feel like this and of course it is not this forums issue! (just spewing thoughts!)
Without going into it in too much detail, i think it can sometimes boil down to identity and which we deem as more important. I know firstly i see myself as a woman, then gay. I wonder how many women here think; I am a woman.. i am hetrosexual.. then i am fat. haha.. i am jibbering but what i mean to say is that i think 'fat' would always be third for me, as far as identity goes.
So, to summerize, i think the reason i dont post as much as i would like here (though i feel this post has gone a LONG way to rectify that..sorry) , is because:
B-I don't feel big enough
W-I don't always feel i fit in when women group together as 'women' first. (Though, this may be historical and all in my silly wee head!)
B-Maby i just dont feel 'enough'. I'm not sure i have ever considered myself beautiful. I don't mean that in a 'poor me' way. I'm sure it also pertains to my sexuality and the social conditioning of what is beautiful -The media help to perpetuate this of course. mmm.. though maby this is something we have in common- On tv and in magazines 'beautiful' is never fat or black or queer, well rarely.
So, when i think about what it takes to be a 'bbw', both physically, emotionally and psychologically, I'm not sure i could ever be one. Until i know how to fit in to here or what the requirements are, i will probably not post as much as i would have wished i could have.
Sorry, for my long winded ramble wimmins.
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:40 PM   #30
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I really hate to see the discussion veer towards numbers. IMO, it has so much more to do with your experiences as a fat person than it does the number on the scale. I hate the grouping of mid-size BBW, BBW and SSBBW, especially when attached to specific numbers. It just seems like we're all making this so complicated. If you've faced "fat issues" then I'd think it'd be clear that you're welcome here. I realize it's all open to interpretation but I don't really see how having someone who is on the smaller end involved in the forum is really a detriment if they've been directly affected by their weight in some regard. If they've felt discriminated against for weight reasons or had trouble accepting themselves at their weight, etc. how is their opinion less credible than someone who is 50 pounds heavier? I personally envisaged this forum being more about the mental/emotional side of being a fat girl than the physical side.. simply because there is a health forum and a SSBBW forum. I realize that not every physical issue falls into either of those categories and some of course would land in this forum, but I didn't think it'd be a large percentage and so far, judging by the threads already posted, that seems to be the case. Is it really THAT important how fat someone is, as long as they feel they can relate to/understand the experience being discussed or shared?

I'm not saying I want this to become just a women's forum, because I don't.. I'm just saying the idea of questioning whether you fit in here or not really doesn't need to be that complicated. If you can relate to the things being discussed because of your size.. you're fine.. at least that's how I see it.

ETA: Personally, I have no problem with women who've gotten WLS sharing experiences on here as long as it's pertinent to the discussion. They understand just as well as those of us that are larger what it's like to be a fat woman.

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Old 01-18-2010, 06:42 PM   #31
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I've been a part of web communities geared towards women only. Though I made many friends there, I never really felt comfortable posting a picture of myself because I'm fat and so many of the topics were about weighloss. In this forum, I'm happy to post pictures, discuss issues regarding my size, and making friends. I haven't a single problem with this forum. I love the support and solidarity I see in the women of Dimensions. I feel very comfortable here. So, yes, this forum has met my expectations and even exceeded them. Thanks to all the mods and Conrad for making this forum possible.
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:09 AM   #32
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I've been a part of web communities geared towards women only. Though I made many friends there, I never really felt comfortable posting a picture of myself because I'm fat and so many of the topics were about weighloss. In this forum, I'm happy to post pictures, discuss issues regarding my size, and making friends. I haven't a single problem with this forum. I love the support and solidarity I see in the women of Dimensions. I feel very comfortable here. So, yes, this forum has met my expectations and even exceeded them. Thanks to all the mods and Conrad for making this forum possible.
Agreed. I'm in some women's forums too, but don't feel completely comfortable there because some topics do veer toward weight loss a lot, and some women simply can't understand why anyone in her right mind is content to be as fat as I am. "Wouldn't your life be so much better if you lost weight?" "Nope." I dare not use a name like "Tall Fat Sue" there because it attracts unwanted attention, although my online profiles do include my height, weight and age. Dimensions can get kinda bumpy at times, and I've fallen on my face on occasion, but for the most part this is the one of the most welcoming forums I've ever found. I can be myself, utterly, because I feel, well, "normal" here. I'll second the motion to thank all the moderators and Conrad for making this possible, and for devoting so much time and resources to what is often a thankless task.

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Old 01-19-2010, 09:01 AM   #33
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I guess since I inhabit so many identities that are intentionally ostracized out in the real world, then I'm never keen on making tighter boundaries on the boards at Dims. I don't do it on the GLBTQ Forum, where anyone is welcome to post, and I don't function that way here on the BBW Forum, if I can help it. Plus, the definition of 'woman' can be just as slippery as the definition of 'fat,' as you all are discussing it, so why would I want to make any clarification that naturalizes and 'locks down' identities that are actually more hospitable for many of us if they are fluid, expansive, and welcoming?

Plus, there's always the fact that this is the internet, and we'll never know for sure that every person posting here claiming to be a 'fat woman' really is. Why go to all the extra drama of policing this board for non-BBW when it is really easy for them to pretend to be a BBW? I'm all for policing posts, by anyone, fat or not, woman or not, that are inappropriate, but I'm not keen on being the gender or the body size police. Just my two pence.
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Old 01-20-2010, 03:14 AM   #34
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I have read both good and bad reviews of the bbw forum from people and wondered:
what you enviaged this place would be like before it actually opened?
Is it better or worse than you expected?
Do you feel comfortable here?
What changes you would like to see happen personally to make this forum better?
Mizz Mertastic!!!!

K, now that I got that outta my system ..... There has always been a BBW forum since I've been here.

Yes, I feel very comfortable here. There's plenty of support from the other ladies. I'm glad we're allowed to allow women other than SS/BBW to participate in threads. I have a gut feeling that some members just want SS/BBW to participate and just talk about SS/BBW issues.... While I definitely want it to be a BBW forum (have a place where SS/BBW can come to support and discuss size related issues), I would like to include other women in the discussions if they relate to them.

I started my thread on showing off your hobby/skills because we are more than just our size, we think about other things than our size-related issues, and I think it's very important to boost our self-esteem (which can often be very low) in an environment where support and caring are important. Yes, I could have put it in the Lounge, but I've found that often, we we create something, we can be very nervous about how it'll be received since we put a lot of our heart and soul into it. Some women might not have felt safe enough to share their creations in the Lounge. Also, I purposefully wanted non-BBW to participate too. In other forums (such as the fashion one), it seems like there's more of a community of women; more connections I guess with non-BBW. I wanted to help create some friendships and connections on this board with other women.

Let's be honest.....some of the men here can often say some pretty nasty things about women in general, and I think a united female front can be a very good thing..... I want a forum where others can feel comfortable too......like your forum my dear. So, I'd like to see some threads where other women would feel welcome and comfortable to participate (non-BBW). We're not just our weight and we have other interests and issues that don't involve our size.

to you,
Mizz
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Old 01-20-2010, 03:33 AM   #35
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I'm not sure i have ever considered myself beautiful.
Mizz Mer,

I must say something.......I've seen your picture........I sincerely think you're gorgeous.

I'd love it and welcome you to post in the show off your skills/hobby thread I started .
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Old 01-20-2010, 05:02 AM   #36
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Mizz Mer,

I must say something.......I've seen your picture........I sincerely think you're gorgeous.

I'd love it and welcome you to post in the show off your skills/hobby thread I started .
Really? My ping pong ball trick?? Ok, i just need some KY and a daring camera person!
Also, thank you I really wasn't saying that for attention, although i must say it feels nice! I really ment it. It sort of ties in with a lot of things really. I do have more confidence now than i did but even so i don't think i have ever felt beautiful. Handsom, maby.. a little but never beautiful. I'm not sure i have allowed myself to feel that and i'm not totally sure why yet. I am sure it will reveal itself to me now that i am aware of it. Its weird, sometimes i just write something..and i don't actually think i am totallly aware of it until i do...
See..verbal diarrhoea can sometimes be good for the soul.
Sorry..i ment thanks. x
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Old 01-20-2010, 05:49 AM   #37
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Really? My ping pong ball trick?? Ok, i just need some KY and a daring camera person!
Also, thank you I really wasn't saying that for attention, although i must say it feels nice! I really ment it. It sort of ties in with a lot of things really. I do have more confidence now than i did but even so i don't think i have ever felt beautiful. Handsom, maby.. a little but never beautiful. I'm not sure i have allowed myself to feel that and i'm not totally sure why yet. I am sure it will reveal itself to me now that i am aware of it. Its weird, sometimes i just write something..and i don't actually think i am totallly aware of it until i do...
See..verbal diarrhoea can sometimes be good for the soul.
Sorry..i ment thanks. x
It's so hard to hear you say these words. In my opinion and others you are so beautiful and you have no idea that you are. It is such a shame that many women feel this way and that is all sizes. We don't realize that we are beautiful. I know that posting pictures of myself here has made me start seeing myself more clearly. I am beautiful and if I don't feel like I am, I can come here and I have women and some men, who will confirm that I am. Sometimes you need that external support.

IC I will tell you now, you are a beautiful woman. It has nothing to do with your size, your sexual orientation, even your intellect. You are beautiful to look at and I want you to know that. Really know that.
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Old 01-20-2010, 06:15 AM   #38
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It's so hard to hear you say these words. In my opinion and others you are so beautiful and you have no idea that you are. It is such a shame that many women feel this way and that is all sizes. We don't realize that we are beautiful. I know that posting pictures of myself here has made me start seeing myself more clearly. I am beautiful and if I don't feel like I am, I can come here and I have women and some men, who will confirm that I am. Sometimes you need that external support.

IC I will tell you now, you are a beautiful woman. It has nothing to do with your size, your sexual orientation, even your intellect. You are beautiful to look at and I want you to know that. Really know that.
beam *pointing out to sea* Look over there.. i think i see something!!
Thank you so much Amy. I know its silly in so many ways and whats more silly is i know quite a few people feel the same as me; I mean i regards to themselves and all the while i'm thinking they are crazy!
I think many women are too hard on themselves. I have long realised as far as myself goes that beauty isn't always external. I don't think i am explaining myself very well. While i don't think i have ever seen myself as beautiful in certain ways (though i find this hard to explain)..* i guess its something to do with not behaving/dressing etc in ways i have been told is beautiful..maby*, I have never thought i was ugly. If that makes sense. (well maby when i was younger..ach!)
hmm perhaps another thread is called for!
Maby i have a skewed sense of what 'beauty' is.. though..honestly i am ok with this..i don't feel ugly and i can also feel attractive.. 'Beautiful', Is just a term i don't reserve for myself.. I didn't actually realise that until i wrote it though.. so maby i can go fix that thought..now i know i had been thinking it.
sorry for the interuption and brain poo.. back to the op!
And thank you Amy, really that means a lot to me.
*seriously.. look!.. whats that over there??* >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:24 PM   #39
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MizzSnakeBite, I'm glad that you feel supported here. I feel very much the same way you do. I choose to focus on the camaraderie that I can enjoy with other fat women.

Mer, to answer your question... the BBW forum is everything I thought it would be... a place where fat women can discuss issues without the disruption of non-BBWs. Obviously, it's an imperfect forum because a few break the rules, but I'm satisfied with how the mods handle issues.

However, I am still waiting for the right time when a "back room" can be created where only fat women are allowed to read content. I still have plenty of size-related questions that I'm unwilling to share with anyone who don't identify as female. Or more specifically, issues I don't want just anyone reading.

Furthermore, I am weary and exhausted with the constant battles in all the forums over the same arguments. I hate censorship. Assholes and stupid people have a tendency to represent themselves accurately. I like that it's all out in the open. I find that I enjoy when humoris injected into the conversation, but not when it completely disrupts a serious topic.

Last edited by kayrae; 01-20-2010 at 12:31 PM.
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Old 01-20-2010, 05:47 PM   #40
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Really? My ping pong ball trick?? Ok, i just need some KY and a daring camera person!
Also, thank you I really wasn't saying that for attention, although i must say it feels nice! I really ment it. It sort of ties in with a lot of things really. I do have more confidence now than i did but even so i don't think i have ever felt beautiful. Handsom, maby.. a little but never beautiful. I'm not sure i have allowed myself to feel that and i'm not totally sure why yet. I am sure it will reveal itself to me now that i am aware of it. Its weird, sometimes i just write something..and i don't actually think i am totallly aware of it until i do...
See..verbal diarrhoea can sometimes be good for the soul.
Sorry..i ment thanks. x
Can I just chime in and say that I agree with Mizz and steely. I think your are just gorgeous mergirl. Both on the inside and out!
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Old 01-21-2010, 02:52 AM   #41
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Really? My ping pong ball trick?? Ok, i just need some KY and a daring camera person!
Also, thank you I really wasn't saying that for attention, although i must say it feels nice! I really ment it. It sort of ties in with a lot of things really. I do have more confidence now than i did but even so i don't think i have ever felt beautiful. Handsom, maby.. a little but never beautiful. I'm not sure i have allowed myself to feel that and i'm not totally sure why yet. I am sure it will reveal itself to me now that i am aware of it. Its weird, sometimes i just write something..and i don't actually think i am totallly aware of it until i do...
See..verbal diarrhoea can sometimes be good for the soul.
Sorry..i ment thanks. x
Mizz Mertastic!!!! Sorry, I just get so happy when you post and are around.

Your ping pong ball trick sounds like a talent, and I did request those too!

I know you didn't post about how you saw yourself as a way of getting attention/praise. I just HAD to say something because you are stunning. Really. You might not believe it, but you're stunning, beautiful, smart, hilarious, caring, and just a ray of sunshine.

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However, I am still waiting for the right time when a "back room" can be created where only fat women are allowed to read content..
Yes, a private back room would be wonderful.......I don't see it happening though.
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:43 AM   #42
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What I envisaged for this forum is continuing to degrade. Sadly, I'm not sure how comfortable I feel posting things that are sensitive in nature. I know, I'm a little slow but I do try to be optimistic. Nevermind...
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Old 02-08-2010, 11:18 AM   #43
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I really hate to see the discussion veer towards numbers. IMO, it has so much more to do with your experiences as a fat person than it does the number on the scale. I hate the grouping of mid-size BBW, BBW and SSBBW, especially when attached to specific numbers. It just seems like we're all making this so complicated. If you've faced "fat issues" then I'd think it'd be clear that you're welcome here. I realize it's all open to interpretation but I don't really see how having someone who is on the smaller end involved in the forum is really a detriment if they've been directly affected by their weight in some regard. If they've felt discriminated against for weight reasons or had trouble accepting themselves at their weight, etc. how is their opinion less credible than someone who is 50 pounds heavier? I personally envisaged this forum being more about the mental/emotional side of being a fat girl than the physical side.. simply because there is a health forum and a SSBBW forum. I realize that not every physical issue falls into either of those categories and some of course would land in this forum, but I didn't think it'd be a large percentage and so far, judging by the threads already posted, that seems to be the case. Is it really THAT important how fat someone is, as long as they feel they can relate to/understand the experience being discussed or shared?

I'm not saying I want this to become just a women's forum, because I don't.. I'm just saying the idea of questioning whether you fit in here or not really doesn't need to be that complicated. If you can relate to the things being discussed because of your size.. you're fine.. at least that's how I see it.

ETA: Personally, I have no problem with women who've gotten WLS sharing experiences on here as long as it's pertinent to the discussion. They understand just as well as those of us that are larger what it's like to be a fat woman.
What she said.

Screw the numbers!
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Old 02-09-2010, 05:28 AM   #44
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What I envisaged for this forum is continuing to degrade. Sadly, I'm not sure how comfortable I feel posting things that are sensitive in nature. I know, I'm a little slow but I do try to be optimistic. Nevermind...
Yes, i actually had a serious question on veeting but i know it will just become wank fodder. Sometimes i am seriously glad i am in a same sex relationship. (I wonder if this is cryptic enough not to still become wank fodder..)
erm anyway, i know what you mean. I'm glad there is now an alternative where we can talk about these sort of things without feeling spunked on. *please excuse my candor*
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Old 02-09-2010, 02:49 PM   #45
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I'm glad there is now an alternative where we can talk about these sort of things without feeling spunked on. *please excuse my candor*
Yup!

As time goes by, I think this forum feels like it's heading on out.......feels like to me the men rule to roost here.
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Old 02-09-2010, 03:30 PM   #46
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Yes, i actually had a serious question on veeting but i know it will just become wank fodder. Sometimes i am seriously glad i am in a same sex relationship. (I wonder if this is cryptic enough not to still become wank fodder..)
erm anyway, i know what you mean. I'm glad there is now an alternative where we can talk about these sort of things without feeling spunked on. *please excuse my candor*
I know I'm seriously daft, but I have no idea what veeting is, it's probably best left unsaid. It was cryptic enough for me!
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Old 02-09-2010, 03:44 PM   #47
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I know I'm seriously daft, but I have no idea what veeting is, it's probably best left unsaid. It was cryptic enough for me!
I think she means Veet. http://www.veet.com/

It's a hair removal cream.
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Old 02-09-2010, 03:48 PM   #48
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I think she means Veet. http://www.veet.com/

It's a hair removal cream.
LOL, thank you so much! I told you, I am just completely ridiculous. I never would have thought that was wank fodder but then I am terribly sheltered.
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Old 02-09-2010, 03:53 PM   #49
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LOL, thank you so much! I told you, I am just completely ridiculous. I never would have thought that was wank fodder but then I am terribly sheltered.
LMCCO!!!

I think pretty much everything is wank fodder around here these days.
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Old 02-09-2010, 04:25 PM   #50
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It's not just here, Dev, it's everywhere. I mean, there are people out there who get off to the sound of someone rubbing a balloon. I kid you not. Everything is sexualized and there is more porn addiction than ever, but almost no one wants to talk about that. Dimensions pretty much is what it's always been -- a mix, but created for FAs. I used to read Dimensions mag -- was in the mag -- and knew what it was, but it was also empowering for me at the time. Now I my needs are different, but I still think there are great people here and great conversations to be had.

As for this forum, it was never meant to be a woman's board only. Men are allowed input here just non-FFA women are allowed input on the FA/FFA board -- within the guidelines of each board.

Not sure if there will ever be a private woman's type board...
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