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Old 01-25-2010, 09:47 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by chicken legs View Post
I never thought about doms and subs until I became aware of the BDSM culture. So now, I label certain behaviours as either dom, sub, or switch. Likewise, now that I am aware of the FA community, I label people as either feeder, feedee, or both (switch).

For the most part, to me food means fuel, because I have gym culture deeply rooted in my mind and insensitive taste buds. However, because of being aware of the Fa community, I realize that when someone hits a blissfull state from eating I realize they are a feedee and since I derive pleasure from watching people eat..I am a feeder.
i think you might be a lil biased by your tastebuds. i love the pleasure of food but i'm not a feedee at all. also a lot of my friends who are small and eat very little adore food and get a lot of pleasure when they chose to. but they aren't feedee either. it might be that if your had a higher sense of taste you would possibly have a different opinion.

dividing all situations into sub/dom could be problematic since not all really are. that might be a little limiting and misleading--as though nothing has a grey area. but i respect that is the way you partician things off. it just seems a little unrealistic and artificial--respectfully
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Old 01-25-2010, 09:58 PM   #52
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i think you might be a lil biased by your tastebuds. i love the pleasure of food but i'm not a feedee at all. also a lot of my friends who are small and eat very little adore food and get a lot of pleasure when they chose to. but they aren't feedee either. it might be that if your had a higher sense of taste you would possibly have a different opinion.

dividing all situations into sub/dom could be problematic since not all really are. that might be a little limiting and misleading--as though nothing has a grey area. but i respect that is the way you partician things off. it just seems a little unrealistic and artificial--respectfully
Not all feedee's are fat and not all feeders are skinny dudes. Like I said before its just a label within a community..this community.

The only people who use the labels dom and sub are those who are aware of the BDSM community and apply it elsewhere. As far as I know..switch applies to the grey areas. I am not sure what seems unrealistic and artificial to you?
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:50 AM   #53
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i think the dims community has been pretty successful in making me never ever want to discuss feederism ever again
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Old 01-26-2010, 02:06 PM   #54
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OMG...hahahah

I just noticed we have a Foodee board
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:40 PM   #55
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I guess it depends on what his definition of "true feedee" is. I consider myself a true feedee. I find eating and weight gain arousing and in a perfect world I'd gain weight. Unfortunately though, our world isn't perfect and weight gain has a limit and comes with consequences. I've had men tell me that I'm not a true feedee because I'm not currently actively gaining. Guess what I say? Fuck them. When they understand, FIRST HAND, what it is like to be fat, especially over 300 pounds, in our society and the effect that weight gain can have on someone, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially.. then they can talk. I don't tolerate men trying to tell me what to do with my body. If they try to convince me to gain weight, or tell me that it isn't that big of a deal or that "a little more wouldn't hurt" the conversation stops. Those are the people that tell me I'm not a true feedee, that I'm making it up or doing it for attention without any follow through. I honestly do not give a fuck because gaining hundreds of pounds for faceless men on the internet is so ridiculous that I refuse to even entertain the idea anymore.
OMG!!! This post is so true and everything that I feel, and since I haven't posted in forever I thought I would throw in my 2 cents. I am a feedee, in the sense that I am turned on by gaining weight. I am also an FA and very turned on by my own fat lol. I always have been and I always will be. I weigh 330 lbs. If it was a perfect world I would weigh more, but the realms of reality will always put a limit on the amount of weight I will let myself carry. I am an aspiring teacher, I am a bartender, I have goals and responsiblities that require me to fit places, and to be quick and active. I love my size and my body, but I don't want to be limited on my dreams because of it. If I only cared about weight and sex I would be 500+ but essentially sex and sexual fantasies are only a small portion of a person's life. I could care less what people think about me on the internet. All that matters is that I am happy with myself.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:59 PM   #56
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Not all feedee's are fat and not all feeders are skinny dudes. Like I said before its just a label within a community..this community.

The only people who use the labels dom and sub are those who are aware of the BDSM community and apply it elsewhere. As far as I know..switch applies to the grey areas. I am not sure what seems unrealistic and artificial to you?
sorry i misread you. i was thinking of switch as in on off or 1s and 0s thx for clearing that up.
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Old 01-26-2010, 06:25 PM   #57
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What amazes me even more is the insistence by some people to actually loosen the restrictions on what people can say because somebody, somewhere might have had bad experiences with feeders and thus needs to offer unwanted commentary. To me that is 100% the same as allowing somebody who's straight but had at some point been harassed by somebody of the same gender to patrol the LGBT board and insist that gays actually are predatory and likely to harass straight people.
Loves. I'm sure its not 100% the same. If it was it would quite literally be the same thing..which its not. I'm not sure your analogy works but i agree that hetrosexual people who have been harrassed by the same gender shouldn't then then think gay people are predatory. I'm not sure how this would ever happen though.
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Old 01-26-2010, 06:34 PM   #58
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-well what he was getting at was that he personally thought that a lot of feedees he had known were:

-vulnerable women who would do whatever a feeder wanted to keep male attention and would adopt the mantra or dogma for a while for a particular person

-someone looking for a cover for food addiction as an alternative to just feeling and looking out of control

-someone not necessarily enjoying thier size but just needing to find a justification for being as fat as they are and a supportive admiring community to be behind them

-someone addicted to the attention because they had never had any for thier looks before

-someone trying to make a buck

.
If this is true in any case then you have to consider if any relationship with a feeder could truly be consensual. (Just talking about the 'feedees' your friend describes above). In the above examples, the 'feedee' is not showing 'informed consent'. Though, it might be difficult for the feeder to gauge, in these instances when consent was informed and when it was not. Its 100% like getting someone with dementia to sign over their inheritance to you!!!
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Old 01-26-2010, 06:48 PM   #59
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Loves. I'm sure its not 100% the same. If it was it would quite literally be the same thing..which its not. I'm not sure your analogy works but i agree that hetrosexual people who have been harrassed by the same gender shouldn't then then think gay people are predatory. I'm not sure how this would ever happen though.
The point is that if at some time you'd been harassed by somebody of your gender, you can't translate that into "all gays harass straights rather than looking for other gay partners." It's the same thing as painting all feeders with the same broad brush as the unethical or dishonest feeder who harassed or manipulated them.

The truth is, I personally did get harassed by a female teacher at summer school when I was young. As bad of an experience it was and as unethical as it was for her to hit on a student, it's not reasonable for me to think i have the right to believe that all gays act that way. Yet we have people on this board who think it's fine to treat anyone into this fetish as evil, dishonest, and manipulative.
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Old 01-26-2010, 06:51 PM   #60
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If this is true in any case then you have to consider if any relationship with a feeder could truly be consensual. (Just talking about the 'feedees' your friend describes above). In the above examples, the 'feedee' is not showing 'informed consent'. Though, it might be difficult for the feeder to gauge, in these instances when consent was informed and when it was not. Its 100% like getting someone with dementia to sign over their inheritance to you!!!
yeah. thats why i don't think its always quite fair when things are like the situations that are as stated above if things turn out badly and the feeder gets blamed. unless he/she is a psychologist how would they know? i'm sure there are a few more experienced people who do know better and take advantage of potential feedees but i bet for the most part a lot of folks couldn't be sure that was what was really going on if thier partner wasn't telling them the truth--especially if it were a feedee who wasn't sure what the truth was for themselves yet anyway.

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Old 01-26-2010, 06:53 PM   #61
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The point is that if at some time you'd been harassed by somebody of your gender, you can't translate that into "all gays harass straights rather than looking for other gay partners." It's the same thing as painting all feeders with the same broad brush as the unethical or dishonest feeder who harassed or manipulated them.

The truth is, I personally did get harassed by a female teacher at summer school when I was young. As bad of an experience it was and as unethical as it was for her to hit on a student, it's not reasonable for me to think i have the right to believe that all gays act that way. Yet we have people on this board who think it's fine to treat anyone into this fetish as evil, dishonest, and manipulative.

We have a lot of good queer roll models here i guess. I wonder about these people who have had bad experiences with feeders and painting the rest with the same brush. I get the impression that many people here had not even heard of the term until they came to dimensions. Perhaps this is the problem, perhaps if there was a feeder/feedee version of will and grace there might eventually be more acceptance in the community at large. As it is, the people here only have the feeders here to gather an impression of feeders in general. Hmmm.. You could call the show 'Fill her face'!
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Old 01-26-2010, 07:13 PM   #62
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We have a lot of good queer roll models here i guess. I wonder about these people who have had bad experiences with feeders and painting the rest with the same brush. I get the impression that many people here had not even heard of the term until they came to dimensions. Perhaps this is the problem, perhaps if there eas a feeder/feedee version of will and grace there might eventually be more acceptance in the community at large. As it is, the people here only have the feeders here to gather an impression of feeders in general. Hmmm.. You could call the show 'Fill her face'! lmao.
i think you're right about that. there should be more people talking about what an ideal situation like this looks like. all we seemed to get is the messed up stuff. i'm not even sure i've ever seen on dims a description of how an ideal feeder/feedee coupling is supposed to look. has there been some?

i personally feel that a lot of people who've had bad experiences here don't always tell the whole story. they don't talk about the fact that maybe they always knew they weren't a feedee and really didn't want to gain but didn't want to tell thier partner the truth for whatever reason. i know some people who i love and respect who do blame feeders for their weight but i really think that it was basically thier decision but they aren't ready to accept thier part in it just yet. they often didn't even like being fat in the first place. maybe they weren't ready to face the underlying problems that led to them pretending that they were born with a drive they didn't have. or maybe it wasn't a drive to be a feedee but instead it was an addiction which is very different. maybe it was just easier to find a feeder to blame than to say "i was the one with the problem and i went out and found someone who'd go along with it and maybe take the blame for a bad outcome as well". it seems to me people who are really feedees seem to be able to manage thier weight and are always conscious of how far they want to go with thier fantasies. they don't seem to be out of control of them. is that true or am i reading something into it thats not there? so maybe people who do get out of control in that situation have something else that might be driving them that has nothing to do with being a feedee?

i know when i've been faced with a choice and i've been asked to be a feedee i've always had the choice to say no. even if someone is manipulative etc... it is a shame that a bad pall gets put over all feedees/feeders just because someone who wasn't actually one at heart is probably using a situation as an alternative cover to thier own personal responsibility in the situation. so if you want to have that view then a feeder will always be a villian and a feedee a victim. but the question people should be asking who are against it is " how can we help people who are pretending to have drives that they don't have to have the self love and strength not to engage in something not ingrained in them?"

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Old 01-26-2010, 07:29 PM   #63
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" how can we help people who are pretending to have drives that they don't have to have the self love and strength not to engage in something not ingrained in them?"
Actually, you find that a lot of gay people sleep with people of the other gender for reasons ranging from 'because they want to feel accepted and loved' to 'because they have low self esteme and want it boosted' to 'using it as a form of self harm'. In each case it would be difficult to help these people as is the case for so many people of all different comunities, you sometimes have to learn from your own mistakes and sometimes these mistakes are the only things which could ever aid growth. (Not physical in this case). You can't stop someone who is gay sleeping with someone of the opposite sex and you certainly can't blame those they are sleeping with of them doing something which is not ingrained. Though, i think to take advantage of someone you knew had psychological problems would be pretty low. I wonder though, how many people would be able to resist something which seems to be so rare when it comes along.
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Old 01-26-2010, 07:40 PM   #64
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Actually, you find that a lot of gay people sleep with people of the other gender for reasons ranging from 'because they want to feel accepted and loved' to 'because they have low self esteme and want it boosted' to 'using it as a form of self harm'. In each case it would be difficult to help these people as is the case for so many people of all different comunities, you sometimes have to learn from your own mistakes and sometimes these mistakes are the only things which could ever aid growth. (Not physical in this case). You can't stop someone who is gay sleeping with someone of the opposite sex and you certainly can't blame those they are sleeping with of them doing something which is not ingrained. Though, i think to take advantage of someone you knew had psychological problems would be pretty low. I wonder though, how many people would be able to resist something which seems to be so rare when it comes along.
yes, it would be really tough when you consider all the situatons that could be driving people. it would take a lot of thinking and self analysis but there isn't a lot of that going on in any community these days. just a lot of people acting out different drives blindly sometimes. i guess its just the human condition.
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Old 01-27-2010, 12:35 AM   #65
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I wonder about these people who have had bad experiences with feeders and painting the rest with the same brush.
Possibly, but would my one bad experience being harassed by another female reasonably translate into thinking that all gays are predatory? Or should I rightfully assume that most gays stick to looking for other gay people and leave straight people alone?

Also I'd say 90%+ of the negativity on here just comes from people with nothing better to do being obnoxious, rather than their being negative because they had a bad experience.
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Old 01-27-2010, 08:24 AM   #66
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Possibly, but would my one bad experience being harassed by another female reasonably translate into thinking that all gays are predatory? Or should I rightfully assume that most gays stick to looking for other gay people and leave straight people alone?

Also I'd say 90%+ of the negativity on here just comes from people with nothing better to do being obnoxious, rather than their being negative because they had a bad experience.
Hmm, i would disagree with the 90%+ of negativity coming from people with nothing better to do than be obnoxious, as if this were the case the negativity would not be focused. I think a lot of the negativity comes from fantasy and reality clashing.
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Old 01-27-2010, 11:12 AM   #67
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Hmm, i would disagree with the 90%+ of negativity coming from people with nothing better to do than be obnoxious, as if this were the case the negativity would not be focused. I think a lot of the negativity comes from fantasy and reality clashing.
I have seen, to the best of my recollection, exactly one post where somebody even touches on having had a bad experience and having a partner she considers an encourager while she experiences some medical issues. The rest are just along the lines of either personal insults, mocking, or people looking for something to get offended by. The WB has always been here in some incarnation. Everyone knows what it is and what is posted on it. To come looking for things to get angry about doesn't make sense.
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Old 01-27-2010, 04:13 PM   #68
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Possibly, but would my one bad experience being harassed by another female reasonably translate into thinking that all gays are predatory? Or should I rightfully assume that most gays stick to looking for other gay people and leave straight people alone?

Also I'd say 90%+ of the negativity on here just comes from people with nothing better to do being obnoxious, rather than their being negative because they had a bad experience.
i don't quite think its that. i think a lot of people here feel seriously hurt by certain situations. i think a lot of people here may not have had hardly any experiences before IRL. some of them even take what happens in dims as a "relationship" of some kind when its really only someone bored on the other side of the comp entertaining themselves. so some people here tend to think they've had experiences they've never really had since this stuff isn't real. in my opinion nothing is real until you look the person in the eye. but some people take statements made to them on dims as though they are somehow real. awkward stabs taken by people trying to cyber live out their fantasies seem real to them. i agree that its unfair to broad brush people because of those experiences. but if thats basically pretty much the only kinds of human sexual experiences you have on a regular basis then they are bound to take on a lot more importance than they deserve to be given. i'm not sure its fair to say that people just want to antagonize others. sometimes they have reasons they feel are real behind what they say and do. they may not be realistic reasons but they are reasons. thats why i'm so adamant about debunking the idea that there is no one for BBWS/BHMs except on a place like dims. it can be unhealthy to believe that. it can isolate people from the real world and warp thier sense of things. so feeders/feedees suffer from that particular reality. people who promote that position ,of being the single source, are only creating more myopic people instead of just trying to keep large numbers or variety here to talk to like they intend. i think if more people who post on dims were actually out and taking part in the world more than they are they wouldn't have nearly as much animous as they do about someone else's sexuality or at being approached occassionally. but then that would mean there would be fewer people here to be admired. so the hostility is the predictable negative overflow from being disappointed in something thats supposed to be "THE" source of your admiration that might not be fulfiling for everyone who comes here.

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Old 01-27-2010, 04:54 PM   #69
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i don't quite think its that. i think a lot of people here feel seriously hurt by certain situations. i think a lot of people here may not have had hardly any experiences before IRL. some of them even take what happens in dims as a "relationship" of some kind when its really only someone bored on the other side of the comp entertaining themselves. so some people here tend to think they've had experiences they've never really had since this stuff isn't real. in my opinion nothing is real until you look the person in the eye. but some people take statements made to them on dims as though they are somehow real. awkward stabs taken by people trying to cyber live out their fantasies seem real to them. i agree that its unfair to broad brush people because of those experiences. but if thats basically pretty much the only kinds of human sexual experiences you have on a regular basis then they are bound to take on a lot more importance than they deserve to be given. i'm not sure its fair to say that people just want to antagonize others. sometimes they have reasons they feel are real behind what they say and do. they may not be realistic reasons but they are reasons. thats why i'm so adamant about debunking the idea that there is no one for BBWS/BHMs except on a place like dims. it can be unhealthy to believe that. it can isolate people from the real world and warp thier sense of things. so feeders/feedees suffer from that particular reality. people who promote that position ,of being the single source, are only creating more myopic people instead of just trying to keep large numbers or variety here to talk to like they intend. i think if more people who post on dims were actually out and taking part in the world more than they are they wouldn't have nearly as much animous as they do about someone else's sexuality or at being approached occassionally. but then that would mean there would be fewer people here to be admired. so the hostility is the predictable negative overflow from being disappointed in something thats supposed to be "THE" source of your admiration that might not be fulfiling for everyone who comes here.
I have yet to see one real, true account of a negative experience with feederism. I've seen a ton of posts by people who know it happens or know women it's happened to but nobody actually saying they were manipulated into gaining weight and experienced problems from it. I even suggested somebody start that thread but no takers.

There are like 5-10 hardcore posters who either come here and troll or who talk about this board and its contents in a negative light. Now the mere fact of it existing is fodder for the "Dims has changed and is only a fetish site" cry nonwithstanding that the board has always been here.
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:20 PM   #70
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I have yet to see one real, true account of a negative experience with feederism. I've seen a ton of posts by people who know it happens or know women it's happened to but nobody actually saying they were manipulated into gaining weight and experienced problems from it. I even suggested somebody start that thread but no takers.

There are like 5-10 hardcore posters who either come here and troll or who talk about this board and its contents in a negative light. Now the mere fact of it existing is fodder for the "Dims has changed and is only a fetish site" cry nonwithstanding that the board has always been here.
i understand why you'd have that view but you have to remember that sometimes people are embarrassed by what they think was a personal failing --just having chosn the wrong person and they don't want it on the boards for perpetuity. people want to forget. but if you carefully read the forums there are people who do talk about things that have happened to them personally. you'd find out a lot more if you had a chance to meet people in person. also people used to talk about things in open chat a lot. probably because they could decide to talk or not to talk depending on who was there and they wouldn't have everyone reading it. dims can be a very harsh place. you know for yourself how judgemental people can be. i personally don't think dims is only a fetish site in fact i think its less of one than it used to be. but so what if it was. it doesn't make it a den of evil
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Old 01-27-2010, 06:25 PM   #71
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SuperO you confuse me. You were a feedee and had a bad experience? The stories on Dims are to harsh and you're wondering if its done in reality? You want to try feedersim but not sure?
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Old 01-27-2010, 06:49 PM   #72
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SuperO you confuse me. You were a feedee and had a bad experience? The stories on Dims are to harsh and you're wondering if its done in reality? You want to try feedersim but not sure?
i'm just asking questions and trying to understand. i'm not looking for any personal sexual gratificiaton on dims
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Old 01-27-2010, 07:08 PM   #73
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chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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i'm just asking questions and trying to understand. i'm not looking for any personal sexual gratificiaton on dims
LOL...yeah right....

You're writing a How to book called "Feederism for dummies". I can just feel it. I want a cut. Saaaaayyy......5%? I'm not greedy.

No really,

I don't chat much outside the open forum and I don't have time to look at old posts to figure out the drama that you guys seem to be hinting at. So the questions you're asking kinda confuse me. You mentioned that you and others have dabbled in it but had bad experiences, there is this role-playing vs. real life thing that seems to be confusing folks, and the misunderstanding between hardcore and softcore fantansies...just to name a few. What are you trying to understand?
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Old 01-27-2010, 07:13 PM   #74
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LOL...yeah right....

You're writing a How to book called "Feederism for dummies". I can just feel it. I want a cut. Saaaaayyy......5%? I'm not greedy.

No really,

I don't chat much outside the open forum and I don't have time to look at old posts to figure out the drama that you guys seem to be hinting at. So the questions you're asking kinda confuse me. You mentioned that you and others have dabbled in it but had bad experiences, there is this role-playing vs. real life thing that seems to be confusing folks, and the misunderstanding between hardcore and softcore fantansies...just to name a few. What are you trying to understand?
nope i haven't dabbled in it. but i've been pressured by people who would have liked me to dabble in it. its not my thing.

well i'm just trying to understand what it is or is not. i hear different descriptions from people. so if i have a question i ask it. is there a problem with that or is it better to go on with misconceptions? i mean people are constantly saying that people outside of it don't get it. the only way to get it is to ask. i think its all of the misconceptions that cause a lot of the tension.
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Old 01-27-2010, 07:23 PM   #75
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nope i haven't dabbled in it. but i've been pressured by people who would have liked me to dabble in it. its not my thing.

well i'm just trying to understand what it is or is not. i hear different descriptions from people. so if i have a question i ask it. is there a problem with that or is it better to go on with misconceptions? i mean people are constantly saying that people outside of it don't get it. the only way to get it is to ask. i think its all of the misconceptions that cause a lot of the ?tension.

I am a FFA who has been on both sides of the feedersim fence and I am trying to answer your questions, but you got help me out here by answering some of mine. If its not your thing...why worry about? Are you afraid of a sneak attack of a feeder?

I feel like doing a Jeff Foxworthy version of Feederism...
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