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Old 01-25-2010, 12:03 PM   #1
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Default Do you think location is important in establishing a good self-image?

OK, the reason I ask is that I've been spending, recently, alot of time in Bangkok.

Now, I love it here. I love the culture, the language, the scenery and how open and warm most of the people I meet are. But here, like no other place I've visited, has the potential to make me feel ugly. Because of my surroundings.

1- I'm not just twice the size of the average woman here. I'm 3 or 4 times the size. Thai girls are small. I stand out and am immediately pegged as different- there's not much of a BBW/FA community out here.

2- Thai guys and most of the westerners in the city are attracted to the Thai girl body type. not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesnt exactly inspire confidence in yourself when everyone is looking at you in mild disgust instead of with open adoration. :P

3- The environment here is very humid and as any large girl knows, a hot moist place does not bring out the best in her. Sweating, body odeour and frizzy hair are NOT attractive and dont make you feel too hot either.

So if I spend say, more than a month out here at a time, some of the personality I have back home in the UK starts grinding down.

In the UK I can buy clothes at my favourite store, go clubbing/pubbing and expect at least some attention, go about my buissness as normal without feeling too badly like I stand out, spend time with people that dont see my size as an issue. And no-body points at you in the street.

I just have this feeling that it's all very well to say BBW's should be confident but it's easier for some then for others. In the UK, I'm a very confident and outgoing woman but day to day life here can really get me down. I feel sorry for any Thai BBW- it must be hard to be fat and proud in a culture that places so much emphasis on being small, pale and graceful as the epitomy of beauty.
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Old 01-26-2010, 06:49 AM   #2
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Definitely, I'm sure location helps. Here in Ohio and just north in Michigan fat people are pretty common, although it is unusual to be as fat as I am, and being tall makes it something of a double whammy for me. I do stand out in a crowd, but it's not a tremendous shock to casual observers because they've seen plenty of fat women before, and I try to make the best of the attention. It helps that I try to smile a lot, so I usually get good service in stores and restaurants because people remember me. Some people do look at me with disgust -- I suspect some of them are disgusted with life in general, and a tall fat woman like me are conspicuous targets for their contempt. Luckily most people don't seem particularly bothered by how big I am, and more than a few like my size just fine (maybe a little toooo much sometimes), so we probably have a good supply of FAs around. The cool climate is nice, except for a few weeks in the summer when it's just plain too hot and humid for comfort. I like cold weather except for all the ice and snow because I'm soooo afraid of slipping and falling. Finding good clothing is a challenge, but it's not mission impossible. So my size is an issue, but it's not an overwhelming issue and it's manageable. I feel pretty comfortable and outgoing in this environment.

Now I'm trying to picture myself in Bangkok. Some friends have told me they love Thailand, but the thought of the locals viewing me as Girlzilla or Suzy Bigfoot puts me off. I do love Thai food and we have some good Thai restaurants around here, so that might be as close as I get. Mmmm, Thai food. Maybe, just maybe, I could grow into a role as The Girl Who Ate Bangkok, after all!
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Old 01-26-2010, 10:06 AM   #3
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I've thought about this before too. Though, in my environment (Los Angeles) there are at least some fat people; it's nothing like Thailand. But since I grew up in Southern California, I didn't realize just *how* image conscious it was here compared to other places, since I'd never lived anywhere else. But when I went to grad school in another part of the U.S. (the Southeast) and visited friends in the Mid-west, I realized that fat people are more common in other places, and that can be a really comforting feeling.

In a place like Los Angeles, where super-hot aspiring actors/models are just walking around everywhere, at times it can make me feel like Quasimodo. Mostly I'm used to it, but I really do notice how different other parts of the country feel in this regard.

But yeah, international stuff is on a whole other level. When I was in Jamaica taking a class for a few weeks, I would hate walking around because vendors and children and whoever would yell out, "Hey Fatty" all the time. Now the connotations in that culture aren't as negative as here - but it's not exactly a compliment either.

It's that real discomfort with sticking out and being pointed at, etc. that actually keeps me from doing more international travel. So while I can see why you wouldn't want to stay in Thailand for more than a month at a time, the fact that you are willing to go there at all, when you could be in a much more comfortable environment, is pretty dang awesome in my book.
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:38 PM   #4
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I agree that growing up in a certain environment can either boost or murder your self esteem. I'll never forget when I was in Paris I was quite literally the fattest person on the street Also, everybody was dressed in muted purples and browns and I wore flaming orange and had a crazy afro. I got stared at HARD but the people were very friendly all the same. They probably cracked up behind my back but to my face they were awesome.

I've never been to Thailand but I ran a weeklong conference on behalf of a Thai travel agent. Everybody stared I get stared at often even at home but this was another kind of staring. Two guys asked me if I'd be willing to stand on their backs. I was like: Um, no! hahaha! I'm fairly sure fat girls in that culture must have it super tough - glad I didn't grow up there. But the people were still really friendly.

Living in a new place always comes with its challenges. I spent time in Kenya last year and I was the fattest girl there too. At a friends wedding an entire bus load of people stopped and people took pictures of me!! I was like But as long as the reactions aren't abusive and people aren't trying to hurt you - which has never been my experience - new places, new attitudes and new countries are AMAZING! You should give it more of a try mcbeth - you could always hook up with some resident fatties before heading over so they could give you the lay of the land. If you ever came to South Africa I'd be happy to run inteference here And in new countries you're always going to be super exotic and beautiful and tons of hot boys will definitely come acalling
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Old 01-26-2010, 08:45 PM   #5
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Location definitely matters! Many Westerners don't realise how difficult cultural pressures can be, and I hope nobody here invalidates your experience by telling you to just be confident and suck it all up.

I am Asian (Peranakan) and grew up in rural Malaysia and Singapore. I am small by Western standards, but I felt fat for a long time and the anti-fat culture there is ridiculously destructive. I was never overweight, but I have always been a little bigger than most other Asian girls. As a child, I was constantly ridiculed by my parents, relatives, teachers, coaches and especially peers for my size and school was especially hellish because of the compulsory TAF program for children who may be "are overweight or at risk" (bearing in mind that we also have a low BMI cut-off of 23 and you can be considered at risk even if you are quite a few points under that). Public weighing every week, forced regular exercise, skeptical nutritional advisors, food coupons that restrict what you can buy, designated eating areas away from all your friends, being dropped from school sports teams despite decent performance... it was so humiliating and is now commonly linked to eating disorders. Of course, shopping was a nightmare and some people can be terribly rude, even though Asians are generally extremely polite and friendly on the surface. It is almost as if they don't see bigger people as human but as a zoo exhibit as they have no problems openly gawking, pointing, sneering and some even take pictures. Obviously the bigger you are, the more people feel entitled to be downright cruel. My (Indian) ex there was 330lbs at her heaviest and she was a really rare sight - people actually threw objects at her and threatened to beat her up because she "waddled" and "took up too much space".

I am assuming that you are White or at least, non-Asian which is both a good and bad thing. Locals tend to see fat as a Western thing and are hence more likely to be accepting of your size. However, your skin colour also makes you more conspicuous. Bangkok is a touristy place so people shouldn't stare as much, but I imagine you will still get a fair bit of attention. Not all of it is negative, as I have known people with massive tummies sometimes get regarded as some sort of good luck Buddha and get treated with awe. Also, most Asian girls tend to be flat-chested and narrow-hipped with no booty, so many Asian men will be intrigued by your assets. Of course, whether they have the courage to approach you is another thing. Most of them are still very conservative, traditional and care a great deal about what people around them will think about their fat White girlfriend.

Anyway, my self-image improved a great deal when I moved to the UK four years ago. My family members still think that I am chubby and tell me that often, but as I am quite a bit thinner than the average Brit and get sandwiches shoved in my face once in a while here, it doesn't bother me as much anymore. The same can't be said for my supposedly fat (130lbs, US size 6 / UK size 10) sister who still lives in Singapore. She gets to shop online and travels to the US and UK often enough, which helps a little but it is not easy to stay positive when you have to deal with the pressure everyday. Even I started feeling rather down when I went back for a three week visit.

It sounds like you have a good self-image and grew up feeling okay, so hopefully the culture won't get too you too much. As for the humidity, there is not much to do besides anti-perspirant, powder and regular cold showers. Most Asians sweat and smell too, so you shouldn't be too self-conscious about that. Just try to get out of the heat as much as possible and avoid certain foods (mostly the spicy stuff) if they exacerbate the sweating - at least most places are air-conditioned!

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Old 01-27-2010, 09:09 PM   #6
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i think location makes a big difference. growing up fat in the south was not a very big deal for me even when i was in highschool way back in the eighties and a lot more people were slim then. but even then there were still a lot of fat adults. and also where it wasn't acceptable to ridicule people. there is a southern honor code for decent men in the south. its considered to be really terrible manners. i notice elsewhere its relatively acceptable to make comments on women's bodies in public uninvited. but a man who does that in the south would be considered a very low person like a criminal type or something. also a man like that is likely to be taken down a peg or two by a woman's male friends and realtives here. it might be old fashioned but i like being part of a protected class. its very comforting.

accomodations here are usually pretty easy in general. its somewhat difficult at times in larger cities like atlanta just because space is at a premium and people are always trying to cram as many people as possible into a resteraunt. but even so they don't grumble about finding you an appropriate table or chair if you ask for one. they may even scout that out for you beforehand in a lot of cases. in the burbs you don't even have to think about your size especially if the place is actually owned by a southerner. it is a bit tougher in older towns like Savannah and New Orleans that try to keep things historically correct. those wrought iron chairs kill me!

anyone who has ever been rude about my size here has always been someone from somewhere else. i have to say that being given my basic respect has probably really had a lot to do with not caring what other people elsewhere think. in fact i tend to like going to places where they aren't used to seeing fat people like me. i tend to look at it as a challenge. i think its humorous. its interesting how people react when you don't seem to need them to validate you or you don't pay any attention to any negative insinuations they make. it shakes them up a little. i like to think it makes them wonder whether their assumptions are correct or not. i think growing up in a place where people aren't constantly in your face being rude is great for your sense of self worth. you have expectations such that you never think anyone will discriminate against you because of your size. i think maybe not even having that expectation works for you very well in places where people might otherwise feel comfortable giving you a hard time for your size.

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Old 01-27-2010, 10:18 PM   #7
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You should give it more of a try mcbeth - you could always hook up with some resident fatties before heading over so they could give you the lay of the land. If you ever came to South Africa I'd be happy to run inteference here And in new countries you're always going to be super exotic and beautiful and tons of hot boys will definitely come acalling
Well if you put it that way...
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Old 02-02-2010, 12:25 PM   #8
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I spent a year in Thailand, and I'm about twice the size of the average Thai woman. I wasn't treated badly, but things got awkward sometimes (people apologizing for portion sizes, then looking at me skeptically when I told them that it was enough, and that I don't eat a lot). I think I got more attention for my hair (which was platinum blonde at the time) than for my weight, but my heavier, taller friend got a LOT of flack. It's tough, and I can't say I liked the humidity, but it was better than when I was in Japan, and women freely touched me...lol.
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Old 02-02-2010, 04:21 PM   #9
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I spent a year in Thailand, and I'm about twice the size of the average Thai woman. I wasn't treated badly, but things got awkward sometimes (people apologizing for portion sizes, then looking at me skeptically when I told them that it was enough, and that I don't eat a lot). I think I got more attention for my hair (which was platinum blonde at the time) than for my weight, but my heavier, taller friend got a LOT of flack. It's tough, and I can't say I liked the humidity, but it was better than when I was in Japan, and women freely touched me...lol.
it is surprising how freely handsy the japanese are. its odd how they touch you for good luck and to see if its real lol. in a way i enjoyed it. i know a lot of people would be very uncomfortable. but for once it was nice to have people be totally honest about thier curiousity. i see people here all of the time who are very curious and would love to touch you but they don't dare. there is something refreshingly innocent and positive about being touched even by strangers sometimes just because you look as though it would be interesting and pleasing to feel. i don't know but when i was there i didn't really get the feeling of being disrespected and maybe thats what made it ok for me there. plus the japanese aren't as private about thier bodies as we are. i don't feel as comfortable with it in the US because the american outlook isn't the same.

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Old 02-02-2010, 09:49 PM   #10
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it is surprising how freely handsy the japanese are. its odd how they touch you for good luck and to see if its real lol. in a way i enjoyed it. i know a lot of people would be very uncomfortable. but for once it was nice to have people be totally honest about thier curiousity. i see people here all of the time who are very curious and would love to touch you but they don't dare. there is something refreshingly innocent and positive about being touched even by strangers sometimes just because you look as though it would be interesting and pleasing to feel. i don't know but when i was there i didn't really get the feeling of being disrespected and maybe thats what made it ok for me there. plus the japanese aren't as private about thier bodies as we are. i don't feel as comfortable with it in the US because the american outlook isn't the same.
I've never been to Japan, but this is a case where yeah I agree that location matters. New York and Tokyo are huge cities, even tho there are about 4 million fewer people here, space is really valuable. Hell I work 10am - 6pm just so I can have more space on the subway and can get a seat. If I have to get on the subway before 9:30 am I am not happy. It means I have to feel weird about taking up so much space and going out of my way to either not touch people or make sure there is enough space for me and the people around me. I'm just very aware of my size on public transportation and I feel like there's never enough room if it's even mildly crowded. It's the only time I ever feel fat in a bad way and that makes me uncomfortable, plus the MTA has started giving people tickets for taking up more than one seat when it's crowded and I honestly worry that a transit cop will try to give me a ticket for taking up one and a half seats. It all makes me anxious.

If random people started touching me I'd go apeshit and start yelling about 2 feet of personal space. When I worked in a bookstore I noticed that all the foreigners would want to stand really close to me when speaking to me. I'd take a step back and they would take a step forward. It made me really uncomfortable then I learned that in a lot of other countries 1 foot of personal space is the norm, and that extra foot would seem rude. It's just the opposite to me. I had to explain more than once that "In america we need two feet of personal space, so please take a step back so I can help you find your book."

If I ever go to Japan and people start touching me I might have a freakout...
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Old 02-03-2010, 04:55 AM   #11
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Location definitely matters! Many Westerners don't realise how difficult cultural pressures can be, and I hope nobody here invalidates your experience by telling you to just be confident and suck it all up.

I am Asian (Peranakan) and grew up in rural Malaysia and Singapore. I am small by Western standards, but I felt fat for a long time and the anti-fat culture there is ridiculously destructive. I was never overweight, but I have always been a little bigger than most other Asian girls. As a child, I was constantly ridiculed by my parents, relatives, teachers, coaches and especially peers for my size and school was especially hellish because of the compulsory TAF program for children who may be "are overweight or at risk" (bearing in mind that we also have a low BMI cut-off of 23 and you can be considered at risk even if you are quite a few points under that). Public weighing every week, forced regular exercise, skeptical nutritional advisors, food coupons that restrict what you can buy, designated eating areas away from all your friends, being dropped from school sports teams despite decent performance... it was so humiliating and is now commonly linked to eating disorders. Of course, shopping was a nightmare and some people can be terribly rude, even though Asians are generally extremely polite and friendly on the surface. It is almost as if they don't see bigger people as human but as a zoo exhibit as they have no problems openly gawking, pointing, sneering and some even take pictures. Obviously the bigger you are, the more people feel entitled to be downright cruel. My (Indian) ex there was 330lbs at her heaviest and she was a really rare sight - people actually threw objects at her and threatened to beat her up because she "waddled" and "took up too much space".

I am assuming that you are White or at least, non-Asian which is both a good and bad thing. Locals tend to see fat as a Western thing and are hence more likely to be accepting of your size. However, your skin colour also makes you more conspicuous. Bangkok is a touristy place so people shouldn't stare as much, but I imagine you will still get a fair bit of attention. Not all of it is negative, as I have known people with massive tummies sometimes get regarded as some sort of good luck Buddha and get treated with awe. Also, most Asian girls tend to be flat-chested and narrow-hipped with no booty, so many Asian men will be intrigued by your assets. Of course, whether they have the courage to approach you is another thing. Most of them are still very conservative, traditional and care a great deal about what people around them will think about their fat White girlfriend.

Anyway, my self-image improved a great deal when I moved to the UK four years ago. My family members still think that I am chubby and tell me that often, but as I am quite a bit thinner than the average Brit and get sandwiches shoved in my face once in a while here, it doesn't bother me as much anymore. The same can't be said for my supposedly fat (130lbs, US size 6 / UK size 10) sister who still lives in Singapore. She gets to shop online and travels to the US and UK often enough, which helps a little but it is not easy to stay positive when you have to deal with the pressure everyday. Even I started feeling rather down when I went back for a three week visit.

It sounds like you have a good self-image and grew up feeling okay, so hopefully the culture won't get too you too much. As for the humidity, there is not much to do besides anti-perspirant, powder and regular cold showers. Most Asians sweat and smell too, so you shouldn't be too self-conscious about that. Just try to get out of the heat as much as possible and avoid certain foods (mostly the spicy stuff) if they exacerbate the sweating - at least most places are air-conditioned!
Wow, that sounds like a really pressured upbringing, I'm so glad your self-image has improved!

Yep, I'm white and it does stave off some of the negative comments I could be getting, and when I overhear them (I speak some Thai, or at least enough Thai to read and write basic things and get by) I tend to ignore it as there doesnt seem much point in confrontation. However it is odd that where I am in Thailand changes people's attitude towards me. ALL the snide comments people think I dont understand, looks and laughs come when I'm in Bangkok, or a touristy party island like Koh Samui, but my trips out to the countryside I can see what you mean when you say "Not all of it is negative, as I have known people with massive tummies sometimes get regarded as some sort of good luck Buddha and get treated with awe". One woman came up to me and pinched me (in a friendly way) with a big grin on her face and kept saying how lovely and fat I was, then introduced me to her friends. I'll be glad to come home in a few weeks though!

Thanks for the advice about the spicey food also but I'm not sure if I can take it....I just love it too much!
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Old 02-04-2010, 10:33 AM   #12
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As far as the US goes...I lived in Los Angeles 10 years, and definitely "felt fatter" there, even though I was much thinner then. It didn't help that I lived in Hollywood, and ran with the industry club crowd. Now, living in the East, I feel more accepted as an individual, BUT, as others have pointed out, many of the accommodations in NYC are tiny...bathrooms, hallways, elbow room in restaurants.....much squeezier than in the West.
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:02 PM   #13
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In some ways, yes, I think the social environment we live in does affect self image.

When I spent a bit of time in France as a young woman, I was absolutely enormous compared to most French women I came across. But then I am also ridiculously fabulously tall (6ft 1 inches). So really wherever I was when I was young, well I kind of felt like a freak.

Even now, in Australia, which has many big woman wondering around, I am usually the tallest big girl in most situations. I think my height and my amazon-ness freaks people out more than my fat.

But then I have been learning for years, that for me, it is a dangerous thing to rely on society or most other people (even my family) to encourage a positive self image. I spent the first 25 years of my life doing this and ended up a very unhappy young woman with a very low self esteem. I do work hard to challenge my own self image and reverse the way I felt about myself when I was younger.






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Originally Posted by lozonloz View Post
OK, the reason I ask is that I've been spending, recently, alot of time in Bangkok.

Now, I love it here. I love the culture, the language, the scenery and how open and warm most of the people I meet are. But here, like no other place I've visited, has the potential to make me feel ugly. Because of my surroundings.

1- I'm not just twice the size of the average woman here. I'm 3 or 4 times the size. Thai girls are small. I stand out and am immediately pegged as different- there's not much of a BBW/FA community out here.

2- Thai guys and most of the westerners in the city are attracted to the Thai girl body type. not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesnt exactly inspire confidence in yourself when everyone is looking at you in mild disgust instead of with open adoration. :P

3- The environment here is very humid and as any large girl knows, a hot moist place does not bring out the best in her. Sweating, body odeour and frizzy hair are NOT attractive and dont make you feel too hot either.

So if I spend say, more than a month out here at a time, some of the personality I have back home in the UK starts grinding down.

In the UK I can buy clothes at my favourite store, go clubbing/pubbing and expect at least some attention, go about my buissness as normal without feeling too badly like I stand out, spend time with people that dont see my size as an issue. And no-body points at you in the street.

I just have this feeling that it's all very well to say BBW's should be confident but it's easier for some then for others. In the UK, I'm a very confident and outgoing woman but day to day life here can really get me down. I feel sorry for any Thai BBW- it must be hard to be fat and proud in a culture that places so much emphasis on being small, pale and graceful as the epitomy of beauty.
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Old 02-10-2010, 03:15 PM   #14
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Strongly agree about Los Angeles and Orange County being really. Freaking. Size-conscious. I'm affected by it less now, partly because I'm not as big as I once was AND because I've adjusted psychologically to weighing over 200 pounds. Also, it doesn't hurt that virtually all of my friends in SoCal are either fat, size blind, or remarkably fat-friendly. Subscribing to various elements of an "alternative" subculture or two has that benefit, usually.

And I no longer work in Downtown LA. That helps.
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Old 02-14-2010, 12:48 PM   #15
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Default I found this interesting.

I think local attitudes toward your attributes do have an effect on you feel about your body. I live in Wisconsin, a fat state, and I come from a fat family. So while people may side eye me while I am enjoying desert, they really don't say much. They really can't.
People did criticize me about my hair (natural) and clothing ("unusual" may be a polite term), though. The clothing I toned down a bit, the hair i continue to flaunt. I suppose if I ever did go to a place where people thought I was ridiculously fat, it'd be just another thing to deal with...

I did find this interesting, though. It's the Thailand "Jumbo Queen" Contest, which celebrates Thailand's national symbol, the elephant, as well as promote the beauty of larger women. I've only read about this over the net, though, and I don't know how it plays out IRL. Not even sure it's still extant since the gallery stops at 2005.

http://www.jumboqueen.com/aboutuseng.htm
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Old 02-14-2010, 06:08 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by lovelocs View Post
I think local attitudes toward your attributes do have an effect on you feel about your body. I live in Wisconsin, a fat state, and I come from a fat family. So while people may side eye me while I am enjoying desert, they really don't say much. They really can't.
People did criticize me about my hair (natural) and clothing ("unusual" may be a polite term), though. The clothing I toned down a bit, the hair i continue to flaunt. I suppose if I ever did go to a place where people thought I was ridiculously fat, it'd be just another thing to deal with...

I did find this interesting, though. It's the Thailand "Jumbo Queen" Contest, which celebrates Thailand's national symbol, the elephant, as well as promote the beauty of larger women. I've only read about this over the net, though, and I don't know how it plays out IRL. Not even sure it's still extant since the gallery stops at 2005.

http://www.jumboqueen.com/aboutuseng.htm
I know about this, and I'm also unsure about whether it still goes on (although if the gallery does stop at 2005 I suspect not) but I don't think it's a prevalent attitude towards large girls in Thailand. I really don't. I wouldn't say that Thai people are intolerant of large people by any means, but I would say that fat acceptance is uncommon.
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Old 03-10-2010, 06:20 AM   #17
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my dear, regardless of where you are and what they expect. just be you. own your largeness. don't think of yourself as a negative. just realize you are twice the woman they are! rock it!

i do understand that in their culture it is not common to have a girl your size, but being uncommon in a common world can be fantastic. since all the thai girls are itty bitty, i bet most of the men there are super curious what it would be like to be with a big girl.

if you are comfortable with who you are, regardless of where you are, it will show and people will notice you for your confidence all wrapped up in a big beautiful body. people are naturally curious of things that are different than they are used to. don't take it personally. own it and show them big is beautiful!
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Old 03-10-2010, 07:19 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lozonloz View Post
OK, the reason I ask is that I've been spending, recently, alot of time in Bangkok.

Now, I love it here. I love the culture, the language, the scenery and how open and warm most of the people I meet are. But here, like no other place I've visited, has the potential to make me feel ugly. Because of my surroundings.

1- I'm not just twice the size of the average woman here. I'm 3 or 4 times the size. Thai girls are small. I stand out and am immediately pegged as different- there's not much of a BBW/FA community out here.

2- Thai guys and most of the westerners in the city are attracted to the Thai girl body type. not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesnt exactly inspire confidence in yourself when everyone is looking at you in mild disgust instead of with open adoration. :P

3- The environment here is very humid and as any large girl knows, a hot moist place does not bring out the best in her. Sweating, body odeour and frizzy hair are NOT attractive and dont make you feel too hot either.

So if I spend say, more than a month out here at a time, some of the personality I have back home in the UK starts grinding down.

In the UK I can buy clothes at my favourite store, go clubbing/pubbing and expect at least some attention, go about my buissness as normal without feeling too badly like I stand out, spend time with people that dont see my size as an issue. And no-body points at you in the street.

I just have this feeling that it's all very well to say BBW's should be confident but it's easier for some then for others. In the UK, I'm a very confident and outgoing woman but day to day life here can really get me down. I feel sorry for any Thai BBW- it must be hard to be fat and proud in a culture that places so much emphasis on being small, pale and graceful as the epitomy of beauty.

Ok so rewrite this to say the UK and America...and that's me...except I don't have the frizzy hair bits...due to the hard water here I have very dry skin and dry hair.

I think it is all relative to size. you are a bbw and comfy in the UK, I am a SSBBW and find the general population of the UK very oppressive against fattys sometimes/most of the time. So yeah, it does matter. I've been in one long depression since I got here and it is just starting to lift...I hope.
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Old 03-11-2010, 08:12 AM   #19
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Well..I live in NYC and have been living here all my life also I come from a fat family. Also NYC has several bbw/ssbbw dances and pretty much many plus size stores...so that has never been that much of a problem on my part. I will admit to this that personally within I have struggled because, I didn't feel comfortable in my skin but mostly because of my own attitude and not those around me. I see women that are larger than myself and ooze confidence so I think it depends on how you feel about yourself within.
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Old 03-15-2010, 03:21 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by bobbleheaddoll View Post
my dear, regardless of where you are and what they expect. just be you. own your largeness. don't think of yourself as a negative. just realize you are twice the woman they are! rock it!

i do understand that in their culture it is not common to have a girl your size, but being uncommon in a common world can be fantastic. since all the thai girls are itty bitty, i bet most of the men there are super curious what it would be like to be with a big girl.

if you are comfortable with who you are, regardless of where you are, it will show and people will notice you for your confidence all wrapped up in a big beautiful body. people are naturally curious of things that are different than they are used to. don't take it personally. own it and show them big is beautiful!
what a great comment. thankyou very much.
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Old 03-20-2010, 07:09 PM   #21
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Ok so rewrite this to say the UK and America...and that's me...except I don't have the frizzy hair bits...due to the hard water here I have very dry skin and dry hair.

I think it is all relative to size. you are a bbw and comfy in the UK, I am a SSBBW and find the general population of the UK very oppressive against fattys sometimes/most of the time. So yeah, it does matter. I've been in one long depression since I got here and it is just starting to lift...I hope.
I'm sorry to hear that you find that the UK is oppressive against the fat- sometimes I can agree with you, having people yell "Who ate all the pies!" down the street at me has happened more than once. I give them the finger and walk on, but I expect it must be hard to deal with the culture shock ontop of a less tolerant population.

I know a few Americans who suffered from major homesickness once they were here because they simply didnt expect the UK to be as different from the US as it is- such as the national obsession with cups of tea and what I have been repeatedly told is a total inability to make good bbq ribs (although obviously there are less trivial differences). I love it because it's my home and where I grew up, where I'm comfortable. Also I've never been to the states (though I would like to if only to shop), and so have no idea what the contrast in fat acceptance is between the two countries.

I can only apologise for whoever is making you feel this way in my home country and tell you that not all us Brits are like that! I hope that you feel better soon and that you meet some lovely people here who treat you as well as you deserve.
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Old 03-20-2010, 07:37 PM   #22
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I live in Los Angeles. Born and for the most part raised (spent some time growing up in Orange County, too).

Looks are definitely a big thing in my neck of the woods and being thinner is certainly a lot more preferred. Fashion and image matters. There are certain pockets of LA County (when people think of LA they don't realize how HUGE the county itself is and diverse) where the environment is a bit more open and less traditional...laid back and accepting of variety. So I do realize the experiences will vary. I could move elsewhere in LA County and maybe feel like it's a better fit...or perhaps somewhere else in California. Northern California is more open-minded and bohemian...and some areas along the central coast (love a lot of communities along the PCH) can be exclusive-minded but I find that you can pretty much do your own thing with being respected...as there are a lot of "let live" artist colonies along the strip.

I live in West Los Angeles and the further one goes west, the more having a lean and slender body matters. Orange County is not L.A and it's southward. That's another area that is quite looks-conscious and very traditional and conservative about it.

I do think I'd do well living elsewhere - somewhere a lot more accepting and embracing of various types of beauty.

There are many things I love about living in LA overall and the part of LA that I live in, but this isn't one of them. I think again people's experiences will be different depending on exactly WHERE they are in LA...and what circles or social dynamics they are around more often.

I've been to Vancouver a few times and I'm taking a trip up there early next month to check out some schools. This might be somewhere I will be living in the near future if all goes according to plan. The area is very health-focused and people are very much into outdoor activities and fitness, but I don't get that looks-conscious LA-style that I've been used and exposed to. LA can be all about outdoor activities and health, especially vegan/vegetarian/raw foodism/etc., but in some parts, it can be big on fashion, image, status, money, connections, high profile careers, cosmetic surgery and the like.

But then again I haven't lived in Vancouver, so can't be too sure about what it is like to reside there.

Travel comes into the equation as well, given this topic. I'd love and want to travel extensively and I DO think about how beauty standards and views vary globally. I wonder what it would be like to travel somewhere in Asia, where overall, smaller builds and body types are more acceptable and the norm? Other things might impact the judgment of body type too, such as race. Can't leave that out since that does play a certain part. I've been in some situations where I can get away with being plus-sized while someone white can't or the opposite because black beauty is judged more harshly and to be -exceptionally- beautiful WHILE black is to definitely be thin.
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Old 03-22-2010, 01:52 PM   #23
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I have lived in Cleveland, OH for 6 years and lived in Georgia for over 20 years. My size has been accepted. I think I would be horrified living in Los Angeles or even in Bangcock. I think living in a location that does not advocate being skinny is useful in developing friends and just maintaining a good self-image.
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:13 PM   #24
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When my sister a SSBBW (and petite at that) would fly over to Peru to visit her deported husband she'd regale us with stories of how flocks of children would follow her down the street like a parade float.

She would leave nearly all of her unisex clothing behind for a fat man who lived in the village that clothing simply wasn't available for. She'd return home with suitcases full of stuffed shedding llamas and delightfully accurate penis shaped brass keychains, which was FINE with us.

Now she, like me, generally didn't give a rat's ass what other people might ignorantly say but we also have a handy family trait of a certain look in our eye that makes people think twice before speaking or pointing. I don't know if you'd call it a glint of insanity or a gleam of potential violence but it was enough to keep the mongrels away.

Most of the time we laughed derisively. She died last year but we were like each other's fat superheros. Or villains, depending on our whim.
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